Podcast Summary: Something You Should Know

Episode: Has Tipping Gone Too Far? & Why You Don’t Do What You Want
Date: April 16, 2026
Host: Mike Carruthers | Guest Experts: Michael Lynn, Dr. George James

Episode Overview

This episode explores two timely, personal topics. First, it delves into the confusion and cultural evolution around tipping—why it exists, why norms are shifting, and what’s actually expected of us. Michael Lynn, professor and leading tipping researcher, weighs in on the social and psychological factors driving tipping behaviors today. The second half features therapist and consultant Dr. George James, who discusses why people hold themselves back from doing things they want or need to do, and how to “give yourself permission” to act more boldly and with self-compassion.

Segment 1: The New Tipping Culture

Guest: Michael Lynn, Professor of Services Marketing, Cornell Hotel School
Timestamps: 06:28–27:28

Key Points & Insights

• Origins of Tipping (06:47–07:38)

  • Tipping in eating/drinking establishments may have begun as a way for customers to "forestall the service workers' envy."
  • “Consistent with that, the word for tip in many different languages around the world translates to drink money or money for drink.” – Michael Lynn (07:21)

• Global Tipping Practices (07:38–09:52)

  • The U.S. tips more frequently and in higher amounts than almost anywhere else.
  • Cultural values like extroversion and uncertainty avoidance explain differences: “In nations where people have a strong desire to avoid uncertainty…they tend to tip a larger number of service providers.” – Michael Lynn (08:44)

• Motivations & Timing (09:52–11:02)

  • While many believe tipping incentivizes better service (especially if you’re a regular), the incentive exchanges are often unclear, particularly since tips are usually left after service.
  • “Services are… called an experience good. We don’t know what we’re going to get until we buy them and receive them…withholding payment gives that worker an incentive to do a good job.” – Michael Lynn (10:34)

• History of Tipping Controversies (11:02–12:12)

  • Periodic backlash isn’t new—some states even outlawed tipping in the early 1900s (laws later repealed).
  • “But there's always been opposition to tipping…The current digital tip request…has created a backlash.” – Michael Lynn (11:43)

• The Digital Tipping Backlash (12:12–14:16)

  • Many consumers find being asked to tip before service manipulative.
  • Tipping, especially for things like restaurant carryout, is not the norm: “Surveys tell us that only about 25% of consumers say they usually or often tip for restaurant carry out. It’s not a norm if three quarters of the country isn’t doing it.” – Michael Lynn (13:50)

• Tipping Percentages and Trends (14:16–16:11)

  • The “expected” tip has crept up from 15% to close to 20%, driven by factors like cashless payments and social dynamics.
  • “Part of the motivation for tipping is to get some kind of social position…In order to get that preferential perception, I have to give an above average tip.” – Michael Lynn (15:44)

• Where Does Your Tip Go? (18:34–19:57)

  • Most of the time, servers keep the bulk of the tip, though tip pooling is common with other tipped staff (busboys, bartenders).
  • “If you tip a server, that server is going to keep almost all of the tips.” – Michael Lynn (19:45)

• Who Should You Tip? (19:57–21:50)

  • “You get to decide and you get to decide what the legitimate reasons or motivations for tipping are.” – Michael Lynn (20:14)
  • Tipping can be motivated by gratitude, supporting low-wage workers, or ensuring better future service.

• What if the Experience Wasn’t Great? (21:50–23:27)

  • No universal answer, but if the problem wasn’t the server’s fault, you might not want to lower the tip.
  • “There’s no God of tipping…Yes, there are social expectations…90% of people think you should tip waiters and waitresses. Many fewer think you should tip baristas.” – Michael Lynn (22:40)

• Psychological Factors and Tip Influencers (23:27–25:03)

  • Many subtle cues increase tips: a server introducing themselves, writing “thank you” or drawing a smiley, squatting to eye level, or touching customers lightly.
  • “If the waitress draws a smiley face on the check, they’ll get a larger tip.” – Michael Lynn (24:18)
  • “I did a study…server got a dollar more per table when he squatted down next to it.” – Michael Lynn (24:40)

• Norms: Before or After Tax? (25:03–25:48)

  • Traditionally, tips are calculated on pre-tax amounts, but there is variation.

• Surprisingly Unclear Social Norms (25:48–27:23)

  • About 30% of Americans don’t know the “expected” 15-20% range in restaurants.
  • “I was shocked to learn that roughly 30% of the country doesn’t know you’re supposed to tip 15 to 20%.” – Michael Lynn (26:00)

Memorable Quotes

• “There’s no God of tipping… there are social expectations… but you get to decide.” – Michael Lynn (22:23)
• “Surveys tell us that only about 25% of consumers say they usually or often tip for restaurant carry out. It’s not a norm if three-quarters of the country isn’t doing it.” – Michael Lynn (13:50)
• “If you tip a server, that server is going to keep almost all of the tips.” – Michael Lynn (19:45)

Segment 2: Giving Yourself Permission

Guest: Dr. George James, Therapist, Author of "I Give Myself Permission"
Timestamps: 28:32–49:53

Key Points & Insights

• Why We Don’t Do What We Want (28:32–30:42)

  • Many people put themselves last; external expectations often override personal needs.
  • “Some people are looking for someone else to give them permission. Some people just put limits on themselves and what they think is possible.” – Dr. George James (29:54)

• Fear and Narratives (30:42–32:13)

  • Fear of looking foolish and desire for safety inhibit action.
  • “There are these narratives that we believe about ourself…shaped in our households, in our communities, in our society…they’re not always true.” – Dr. George James (31:36)

• Examining and Challenging Narratives (32:13–35:01)

  • Example: Many mothers feel pressured to be perfect and can’t prioritize themselves.
  • Personal anecdote: Dr. James describes how changing a family belief about showing affection (kissing his father) led to more meaningful connections.
  • “The stories we tell ourselves about who you are…sometimes they’re true, but sometimes they’re not, and we have to examine it so that we can give ourselves permission.” – Dr. George James (34:20)

• Taking Emotional Risks and the Value of Trying (37:07–38:18)

  • Risk-taking, whether emotional (showing affection) or practical (trying something new), can foster growth.
  • “How many times when we take that risk, does it actually…we learn from it or we grow from it, or the great experience comes from it? I think many times.” – Dr. George James (37:54)

• Fear of Judgment and Regret (38:18–43:12)

  • We often overestimate others’ interest in (or memory of) our actions.
  • “My experience is that nobody cares. Nobody cares about you. They’re all worried about them.” – Mike Carruthers (38:38)
  • “I don’t want to regret not doing it…That’s the worst feeling in the world.” – Mike Carruthers (42:44)

• Practical Suggestions: How to Start (40:24–42:03)

  • Start with what’s top of mind for you, take one small first step, seek support when possible.
  • “You don’t have to, like, jump in the deep end. And oftentimes we are not going to be able to give ourselves permission by ourselves. We will need support and help.” – Dr. George James (41:19)

• Emotional Risks Beyond Achievement (42:03–43:12)

  • Emotional risks can include forgiveness or choosing to invest time in loved ones.
  • “To take the risk, to forgive. Like, that’s…a huge emotional undertaking.” – Dr. George James (42:09)

• Trying and Deciding Against (43:12–45:53)

  • Even when you try something and realize it’s not for you, there’s value in resolving the curiosity.
  • “You can take the risk…realize that’s not the thing for you, but at least you know you tried it.” – Dr. George James (44:21)

Memorable Quotes

• “There are these narratives…they’re not always true, and that is a place where we can push back and give ourselves permission.” – Dr. George James (31:36)
• “We create these stories and narratives about whatever the thing is that we’re trying to give ourselves permission to do…And oftentimes it’s false until we actually take up the enough courage or get enough support to actually do it.” – Dr. George James (36:30)
• “It’s a snowball effect, right? One thing…it just keeps rolling into the next thing. And…not having regret, like, I could say, like, I had that moment.” – Dr. George James (48:33)

Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Tipping Norms:
  “Surveys tell us that only about 25% of consumers say they usually or often tip for restaurant carry out. It’s not a norm if three-quarters of the country isn’t doing it.” – Michael Lynn (13:50)

• On Permission & Personal Change:
  “The stories we tell ourselves about who you are, what you can do, what you shouldn’t do, based on all the roles we play…sometimes they're not true, and we have to examine it so that we can give ourselves permission.” – Dr. George James (34:19)

• On Regret:
  “I don’t want to regret not doing it…That’s the worst feeling in the world.” – Mike Carruthers (42:44)

Timestamps of Major Segments

| Segment Title | Start | End | |----------------------------------|---------|---------| | Tipping Culture | 06:28 | 27:28 | | Give Yourself Permission | 28:32 | 49:53 |

Takeaways for Listeners

• Tipping: The practice has always been complex, and the “rules” are less universal than we think. Digital payment systems, increased demands, and cultural changes are fueling confusion and backlash. Ultimately, tipping remains a personal decision within broad, imperfect social conventions.
• Self-Permission: Barriers to self-care, risk-taking, and putting yourself first are often internal narratives, not external realities. By questioning and challenging these stories, and by taking small steps, you can live more authentically, avoid regret, and foster personal growth.