Podcast Summary: "How Self Talk Can Sabotage You & Questioning What’s 'Normal'"

Podcast: Something You Should Know
Host: Mike Carruthers
Guests: Dr. Rachel Goldsmith Turo & Dr. Gabor Maté
Release Date: January 1, 2026

Episode Overview

This episode explores two powerful themes:

1. The hidden impact of negative self-talk and how to transform it into supportive inner dialogue.
2. The dangers of accepting “normal” behavior without question, and why societal norms often warrant re-examination.

Host Mike Carruthers engages renowned psychotherapist Dr. Rachel Goldsmith Turo and acclaimed physician Dr. Gabor Maté in deep conversations about how our inner monologue and collective assumptions shape well-being, motivation, and mental health.

I. The Power & Pitfalls of Self-Talk

Guest: Dr. Rachel Goldsmith Turo
Author of: The Self Talk Workout: Six Science-Backed Strategies to Dissolve Self Criticism and Transform the Voice in Your Head

Key Segments:

• [04:12] Introduction to the pervasiveness and effect of mind wandering and self-talk
• [06:27] The origins and forms of self-criticism
• [09:54] Effective strategies to "dissolve" negative self-talk
• [14:16] Misconceptions about self-criticism & motivation
• [16:25] Overcoming resistance to positive self-talk
• [19:09] Reality-based self-congratulation
• [21:59] Simple exercises to begin transforming self-talk
• [25:01] The broad mental health impacts of self-criticism
• [25:49] Self-compassion vs. self-esteem

A. Mind Wandering, Self-Criticism, and Why It Matters

• Humans spend about 47% of their waking hours thinking about something other than what they’re doing, which typically makes them unhappy. ([04:12])
  • "Unlike other animals, we humans spend a lot of time thinking about what isn't going on around us, ...contemplating events that happened in the past or might happen in the future, or may never happen ever." — Mike Carruthers [04:17]
• Much of our inner dialogue is critical and judgmental, often running unnoticed in the background.

Notable Quote

• "We tend to be very self-critical and it really doesn't help." — Mike Carruthers [01:17]

B. Where Does Self-Criticism Come From?

• Origins: Often arises from internalizing others’ criticisms, especially from parents or peers.
  • "Parental criticism... really affects people as adults. They kind of carry that criticism around with them and internalize it." — Dr. Rachel Goldsmith Turo [09:06]

C. Counterproductive Myths About the Inner Critic

• Myth: Self-criticism is necessary for motivation/success.
• Reality: Research shows self-criticism inhibits motivation; self-compassion and encouragement are far more effective.
  • "Even though people assume that they need self-criticism to stay motivated and to accomplish things, the research evidence shows the opposite — that self-criticism inhibits motivation and self-encouragement improves motivation." — Dr. Rachel Goldsmith Turo [01:31], restated [14:16]

Notable Quote

• "...To develop an adversarial relationship with the inner critic is just more self-criticism. If you get mad at yourself for beating yourself up — 'Oh, I did it again. It's terrible.'" — Dr. Rachel Goldsmith Turo [07:14]

D. Practical Tools to Transform Self-Talk

1. Mindfulness Meditation

• Focus on attention and non-judgment: Bring your mind back when it wanders, notice without criticism.
  • "You're practicing the skill of shifting attention in combination with... non-judgment..." — Dr. Turo [09:54]
  • Doing this consistently is like a workout for your mind — "do the reps."

2. Loving Kindness Meditation

• Repeating phrases like "May I be safe, may I be happy, may I be healthy, may I live with ease." ([09:54])
  • Even if it feels awkward, "fake it ’til you make it" — discomfort at first is normal, benefits accrue with weeks of sustained practice.

3. Reality-Based Self-Congratulation ([19:09])

• Give yourself genuine, positive reinforcement for real actions, no matter how small (e.g., choosing a healthy snack).

4. Spot the Success Exercise ([20:47], [21:59])

• Each day, note 10 actions that benefited yourself or others — even tiny ones. This “done list” helps shift perception from what's undone to what you accomplish.

5. Micro-Practices

• “Self-talk appetizers": e.g., breathing in and out while calling yourself your friend; set a reminder for a mini self-compassion break. ([21:59])

Practical Advice

• Consistency (“doing the reps”) is crucial. Change comes with repetition over 3–12 weeks.

E. The Broader Impact of Self-Criticism

• Mental Health Risks: Self-criticism drives not only anxiety and depression but also affects recovery in eating disorders, substance use, and more ([25:01]).
  • "It's a really wonderful thing that you can do to promote overall mental health and well-being." — Dr. Turo

Self-Compassion vs. Self-Esteem ([25:49])

• Self-compassion: About kindness during difficulty; stable predictor of mental health
• Self-esteem: About evaluating or comparing your worth; less stable, less predictive of well-being

Notable Quotes & Timestamps from Dr. Turo's Segment

• "These habits are so powerful, but they are not determined traits that last forever." [23:13]
• "One session of five to 10 minutes would give you a really nice anchor..." [23:53]
• "Improving your self-encouragement, self-compassion and reducing your self-criticism is a really wonderful thing..." [25:01]
• "Self-compassion is about being kind and friendly towards yourself even in moments of difficulty or failure..." [25:49]

II. Questioning the Myth of "Normal"

Guest: Dr. Gabor Maté
Author of: The Myth of Normal Key Segments:

• [28:25] The origins and dangers of unexamined normality
• [31:17] Harmful practices accepted as normal
• [39:18] Trauma’s roots and consequences
• [46:32] The necessity of facing suffering to enact change

A. What Is "Normal" — And Is It Good?

• Many widely-accepted behaviors and beliefs (parenting methods, attitudes towards competition, responses to emotion) are, in fact, far from optimal and often diametrically opposed to human nature.
  • Examples: Not picking up crying infants, using 'time outs', mothers returning to work soon after childbirth, treating children’s anger with separation.

Notable Quote

• "Our very concept of ourselves is abnormal then. In this society, it's very normal for parents to be told not to pick up their infants when they're crying…In any indigenous culture, they always pick up their kids when they're crying. They barely even put them down." — Dr. Gabor Maté [01:58], restated [29:26]

B. How Harmful Norms Become Entrenched

• Cited Dr. Spock's influence on parenting advice (e.g. “leave the child to cry”).
• Once behaviors are rooted in custom or expert advice, they're not questioned and become invisible — like fish not knowing about water ([32:17] quoting David Foster Wallace).

C. The Role of Trauma in Society and Individual Suffering

• Trauma is a psychological wound, not just a response to extreme adversity, but to unmet emotional needs like soothing a crying baby or denying kids their feelings ([39:18], [41:43]).
  • "The trauma is not what happened to you. The trauma is the wound that you sustained, what happened inside you." — Dr. Maté [39:18]
• Trauma is a major, underacknowledged risk factor for both mental and physical illness.

Notable Quote

• "The research evidence linking childhood adversity or trauma to adult mental health problems is as strong scientifically as the evidence linking cigarette smoking to lung cancer." [39:26]

D. Addressing and Changing Harmful "Normals"

• We cannot change what we do not recognize.
• The first step is questioning and understanding the roots of these norms and looking at actual outcomes (e.g. rising mental health issues, addiction).

E. Individual and Societal Suffering — What Can (and Can't) Be Changed

• Life includes suffering, but a lot of it is unnecessary and socially constructed ([46:55]).
• We must face problems before any solutions are possible.
  • "Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed that is not faced." — Quoting James Baldwin [46:55]

Notable Quotes & Timestamps from Dr. Maté's Segment

• "If you look at... over 100,000 people [who] died of drug overdoses in the US last year... there’s reasons for it... I'm saying look at the outcomes." [31:17]
• "When we get used to something... we assume that this is the norm because that's all we know." [32:17]
• "Listen to your instincts. Listen to your gut feelings. Don’t listen to the so-called experts." [35:49]
• "Adversity can be a great teacher if you want to look at it that way. ...I don't find it satisfactory to say, stuff happens." [44:03]
• "I am saying that a lot of suffering, however, is not necessary. It's a result of traumatic conditions that affect people in childhood. It's a result of social conditions that impose stress on people." [46:55]

III. Short Advice for Dealing with Braggarts

• Judith Martin ("Miss Manners") offers a four-word phrase for dealing with self-absorbed people: "How nice for you."
  • Using this response can subtly signal the one-sidedness of the conversation ([48:10]).

IV. Memorable Moments & Quotes

• Dr. Turo on healthy self-talk:

  • "You can't really get stronger abs just by wanting them. You actually have to do something." [13:33]

• Dr. Maté on questioning "normal":

  • "Just because something is normal doesn't mean it's good or it's right or it's just normal. And maybe we need to question normal." — Mike Carruthers [47:37]

V. Takeaways & Resources

• Notice your self-talk — gentle awareness is the first step.
• Replace the inner critic with encouragement — try mindfulness or loving kindness meditation.
• Question the behaviors and beliefs you assume are "normal."
  • Ask: is this healthy, or just familiar?
• Commit to small daily practices: even five minutes a day can shift your mental habits.
• Societal change starts with personal awareness. Challenge the unquestioned “normals” for healthier, kinder lives—both individually and collectively.

Recommended Resources (mentioned in episode):

• The Self Talk Workout by Dr. Rachel Goldsmith Turo
• The Myth of Normal by Dr. Gabor Maté
• Free online meditations: UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center (MARc)