Podcast Summary: Something You Should Know

Episode: How to Build Confidence Fast & Why You Keep Procrastinating
Host: Mike Carruthers
Guests: Lydia Fenet (Auctioneer, Author of "Claim Your Confidence"), Hayden Finch (Clinical Psychologist, Author of "The Psychology of Procrastination")
Date: April 9, 2026

Episode Overview

This episode blends two powerfully practical topics:

• How to build genuine, enduring confidence (with auctioneer and author Lydia Fenet)
• Why we procrastinate, why it matters, and strategies to stop (with clinical psychologist Hayden Finch)

Both conversations are down-to-earth, actionable, and grounded in personal and clinical experience. The episode wraps up with a fascinating tidbit on why talking to yourself out loud can actually make you more efficient—a quick win you can try right away.

1. The Subtle Power of Your Name (02:58–04:40)

• Discussion: Host Mike Carruthers introduces the idea that having a name that’s easy to pronounce can affect your career advancement.
• Key Insight: “A study looked at a group of adults and their promotability, and those with easy to pronounce or fluent surnames…were 7 to 8% more likely to be promoted.” (03:24, Mike)
• Advice: If you have a difficult name, consider using a nickname in professional settings.

2. Building Real, Lasting Confidence

Guest: Lydia Fenet, auctioneer and author
Segment: 05:14–27:18

Where Does Confidence Come From? (05:17–06:59)

• Lydia’s Core Philosophy:

  “I believe we're all born with confidence and it's up to us over the course of our life to claim that confidence by putting ourselves outside of the box that we are supposed to be in.” (05:28, Lydia)

• Losing & Reclaiming Confidence:
  • Many people feel they lack confidence, or lost it during difficult periods like the Covid pandemic.
• Memorable Quote:

  “Most people don't have it, or if they did have it…when Covid came along, a lot of people lost it. So this is the time that we all have the opportunity to reclaim it.” (06:53, Lydia)

What Does Confidence Feel Like? (07:05–07:36)

• Definition: Being comfortable in your own skin, not overly concerned with what others think.
• Teenagers & Faking It: Many confident-seeming people were “tested early on and realized that they were strong and kept following that thread.” (08:10, Lydia)

Confidence Is Built in the Trenches (08:08–09:50)

• Experience = Confidence:

  “People who've been through really difficult things often have more confidence…because they've already seen they can stand up again, they can keep going, and…it makes them stronger.” (08:35, Lydia)

• Athletes & Resilience: Success comes after many failures; each defeat is part of building confidence.

How to Deliberately Build Confidence (09:29–11:08)

• Main Principle: Push yourself out of your comfort zone.
• Example: If you're afraid of public speaking, seek out small opportunities repeatedly.
• Notable Quote:

  “You don't get confident when you're at the top of the mountain. You get confident learning how to get there.” (10:28, Lydia)

• Action Step: Start with “micro steps.” Practice in low-pressure settings (parent-teacher meetings, small groups).

Action Leads to Action; Don’t Wait (14:29–19:09)

• Momentum: “One of the ways to never get anywhere is to never do anything…it makes you feel like you're doing something, which makes you do more things.” (17:27, Mike)
• Case Study: Lydia’s artist friend regained confidence (and business) during COVID by taking small business actions and reconnecting with clients.
• Quote:

  “Once it started, it was like a wildfire.” (18:33, Lydia)

Overcoming the Fear of Looking Foolish (19:09–21:10)

• Nine No’s, One Yes:

  “Out of every 10 asks, nine will be a no.” (19:30, Lydia quoting her sister)

• Rejection Gets Easier: “After that first no, none of them really stung.” (20:27, Lydia)

Slam Imposter Syndrome (21:10–25:35)

• Widespread Issue: “Imposter syndrome has no boundaries, really.” (21:20, Lydia)
• Lydia’s SLAM Technique:
  • S: Stop counting yourself out before you even get in the room
  • L: Listen—hear what’s actually said, not what you think is said
  • A: Accept there are no gold stars as an adult (“You have to give yourself the gold star.” (23:58, Lydia))
  • M: Make your point and don’t back down (“Don’t forget that your opinion matters just as much as anyone else in the room.” (25:28, Lydia))

Can Confidence Be Contextual? (25:35–26:52)

• Compartmentalized Confidence: “You can be confident in certain areas of your life and not confident in others…It ebbs and flows.” (25:51, Lydia)
• Everything Interconnects: Over time, confidence tends to blend from one life area into others.

3. Why You Really Procrastinate (29:07–49:12)

Guest: Dr. Hayden Finch

Is Procrastination Just Human Nature? (30:04–30:29)

• Yes, Basically: “Humans are inclined towards procrastination…other animals…also are inclined.” (30:13, Hayden)

The Psychology of Procrastination (30:29–31:37)

• Beyond Laziness: It’s a combination of behavior, thoughts, emotions, and experience.
• Emotional Avoidance: A major driver is wanting to avoid negative emotions—even minor ones (“ugh, I don't wanna”—32:26, Hayden).

The Myth of Pressure (32:41–33:30)

• Common Excuse: “A lot of procrastinators believe they perform better under pressure.” (00:55, Mike)
• Expert Response:

  “By and large, almost everyone who believes that…is wrong.” (32:59, Hayden)
  Research shows more mistakes and lower performance under pressure.

When Is Procrastination Really Problematic? (33:30–34:45)

• Could Be Hidden: “We might not be aware of the problems it's causing.” (33:37, Hayden)
  • Can impact mental health, work quality, and relationships.

Do We Recognize It in Ourselves? (34:31–35:31)

• Nearly Universal: Even those who say "I'm not a procrastinator" are likely putting something off.

Procrastination, Punctuality, & Underestimation (35:31–37:04)

• Late people are often procrastinators; but not vice versa.
• Habitual procrastinators: Often bad at estimating how long tasks take (35:57, Hayden).

Chronic Procrastinators Don’t Learn from Experience (37:04–38:47)

• Struggle to Change:

  “You would think that if I do something and I get a less than ideal outcome, I would…change my behavior…the folks who struggle with this habitually probably aren't learning from that experience.” (37:38, Hayden)

• ‘Learning’ Different Lessons: They subconsciously learn “at least I didn’t have to deal with it for a month,” reinforcing last-minute habits.

The Spectrum of Procrastination (38:47–40:00)

• Not Binary: Everyone falls along a sliding scale; only some experience catastrophic consequences.

Fixing Procrastination: It’s Not Just “Knock It Off” (40:02–43:05)

• Not about Time Management:

  “…it's less about time management and more about emotion management.” (40:17, Hayden)

• Address the Real Feelings: Identify shame, overwhelm, anxiety—don’t ignore the emotional baggage because it blocks the behavior.

Productive Procrastination (43:05–45:06)

• Why Clean Closets Instead of Taxes?
  • “That relief you feel in choosing that other option is kind of what keeps this cycle going.” (44:47, Hayden)

Break the Cycle: Start Small, End the Pain (45:06–47:25)

• Start for Just a Few Minutes: Give yourself permission to quit after 5, 10, 20 min—often, you'll keep going.
• Notable Tip: “Having an end to the pain helps us persist through it.” (46:11, Hayden)

Motivation REVERSED (48:01–48:46)

• Don’t Wait for Motivation:

  “Motivation can't come before action. You have to reverse that. So take action first and then count on motivation to maybe come down the road.” (48:37, Hayden)

• Key Takeaway: The act of doing generates motivation; not the other way around.

4. Quick Tip: Why Talking to Yourself Works (49:21–50:41)

• Research: Talking to yourself out loud—naming what you’re seeking—can sharpen your focus and help you find things faster.
• Tangible Advice: Next time you lose your keys, try saying “keys, keys, keys” out loud to hack your brain’s attention.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Lydia Fenet:
  • “You don't get confident when you're at the top of the mountain. You get confident learning how to get there.” (10:28)
  • “Out of every 10 asks, nine will be a no.” (19:30)
  • “Accept that there are no gold stars in life as an adult. …You have to give yourself the gold star.” (23:58)
• Hayden Finch:
  • “By and large, almost everyone who believes [they work better under pressure] is wrong.” (32:59)
  • “We can't rely on motivation as an antidote to procrastination…” (48:01)
  • “The task is not going to be done unless you engage with it. What we want to do is make it so that you can engage with it.” (42:46)

Key Timestamps

• 02:58–04:40: Name pronunciation and career impact
• 05:14–27:18: Lydia Fenet on confidence (origins, building, imposter syndrome)
• 29:07–49:12: Hayden Finch on procrastination (emotional roots, solutions)
• 49:21–50:41: Tip on talking to yourself

Takeaways for Listeners

• Confidence is built, not found—seek opportunities that challenge you
• Action is the spark: start small, don’t wait for motivation
• Procrastination is emotional: understand what you’re avoiding, break the cycle with gentle starts
• Talking out loud can make you more efficient—give it a try!
• Rejection is routine: embrace the “nine no’s, one yes” ratio and keep moving
• Imposter syndrome is universal: slam it down using Lydia’s steps

Recommended Next Steps:

• Check out Lydia Fenet’s “Claim Your Confidence” and Hayden Finch’s “The Psychology of Procrastination” (links in show notes).
• Try a “micro step” this week—whether it’s starting a dreaded task for just five minutes or volunteering a small comment in a group.
• Next time you’re searching for something, try saying it out loud—you might surprise yourself how well it works.

This episode is packed with insights and practical strategies for the everyday challenges of self-doubt and putting things off. For anyone ready to take action—even tiny action—to build more confidence and break old cycles, it’s a must-listen.