Summary: A Practical Way to Approach Anxiety

Podcast: Something You Should Know
Host: Mike Carruthers
Guest: Dr. John Deloney, mental health & wellness expert, author of Building a Non-Anxious Life
Air Date: March 24, 2026

Episode Overview

This episode tackles the increasingly common problem of anxiety, offering a practical reframe: Rather than viewing anxiety as a malfunction to suppress, Dr. John Deloney explains how it's a natural alarm signaling something in our lives needs attention. The discussion offers actionable steps rooted in psychology and personal anecdotes to help listeners understand, address, and even grow through anxious experiences.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The True Purpose of Anxiety

• Anxiety as an Alarm System

  • Deloney reframes anxiety as the body's way of signaling danger or imbalance ("it's just an alarm system" [03:20]).
  • Current culture often pathologizes discomfort, creating an unrealistic expectation that we should always be comfortable ([03:20-04:33]).
  • Quote:

    "We've made anxiety the enemy. And it's really not. We’ve created a very, very anxious life for ourselves."
    — Dr. John Deloney [03:20]

• Misguided Strategies

  • Attempts to suppress, power through, or ignore anxiety (like "taking a magic marker and coloring over your gas gauge") don’t address underlying problems ([03:20-04:33]).

2. Why We Ruminate and Worry

• Ruminating over potential problems doesn't help, but our bodies react as if it will. Overthinking gets your body into fight-or-flight, even in the absence of a real threat ([04:33-06:09]).
  • Quote:

    "I personally will spend a ton of time having imaginary conversations with world leaders... it's as though we're having that conversation and it's getting very heated. And so then [my body] sounds the alarms."
    — Dr. John Deloney [04:59]

3. A Different Approach to Anxiety

• Stop Waging War Against Your Own Body

  • The first step is to stop seeing your body (and anxiety) as the enemy.
  • Begin focusing on making life choices that result in your body not feeling chronically unsafe ([07:20-09:45]).
  • Practical Steps Include:
    • Choose connection over isolation
    • Address unresolved personal and medical issues
    • Seek professional help if needed
    • Simplify finances to relieve pressure
    • Declutter and reduce schedule overload
    • Confront and address real issues (relationships, health, etc.)

• Quote:

  "I'm going to stop going to war with my body. I am not the enemy of me. I'm going to start assuming my body's right when it gets my attention."
  — Dr. John Deloney [07:20]

4. Handling Setbacks and Post-Traumatic Growth

• Culture focuses on post-traumatic stress but ignores post-traumatic growth—the process of facing challenges and becoming stronger ([10:40-11:51]).
• Anxiety is not telling you you've failed but simply that you’re not safe.
  • Quote:

    "On those days, I can't get back up. I've got a couple of people in my corner that can reach down and pull me up."
    — Dr. John Deloney [11:15]

5. Anxiety as Identity

• Many people cling to anxiety as part of their identity ("I have social anxiety" treated as unchangeable) ([12:14-14:06]).
• Deloney shares how, after years of perpetual agitation, he had to relearn what "normal" feels like.
  • Quote:

    "She smiled really big and she said, this, John, is what normal feels like. I had just been spun up for so long, it became... who I was."
    — Dr. John Deloney [13:20]

6. Teaching Kids to Handle Anxiety

• Overprotecting children from discomfort or only rewarding success fosters unhealthy anxiety ([16:05-18:10]).
• Instead, reinforce love and support regardless of outcomes, allowing kids to focus on the experience rather than fear of losing approval.

7. Coping with the Uncontrollable

• Life will always present unplanned stressors; the goal is to be prepared and resilient, not anxiety-free ([18:10-20:16]).
• Example: Financial preparation allowed his family to grieve a loss without compounded stress.

8. Where to Begin: Choosing Reality

• Tackle anxiety by facing reality honestly—your relationships, finances, health, and environment ([20:16-21:44]).
• Quote:

  "For 99.9% of us, the place you start is choosing reality. What is the state of your marriage?... What's the state of our finances? Who do we owe money to?... It's choosing reality."
  — Dr. John Deloney [20:29]

9. In-the-Moment Techniques

• Deloney describes crisis response training: walking calmly instead of running to emergencies helps bring peace, not chaos, to anxious situations ([21:59-24:08]).
• Most feared disasters are survivable, and with experience (and support), people can see anxiety as less catastrophic.

10. Challenge to Conventional Mental Health Approaches

• Despite record levels of professional help and medication, anxiety rates are higher than ever; maybe the problem isn't "broken people" but a world ill-suited to human needs ([24:27-26:05]).
  • Quote:

    "Maybe their bodies are working perfectly. And the real question we have to ask is what kind of world have we created that the human body can't live in?"
    — Dr. John Deloney [25:30]

Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote/Moment | |-----------|---------|--------------| | 03:20 | Dr. John Deloney | "We've made anxiety the enemy. And it's really not. We’ve created a very, very anxious life for ourselves." | | 04:59 | Dr. John Deloney | "My body doesn't know the difference. It's off to the races... it dumps Cortisol and adrenaline to my body. It goes to fight or it's go time, baby." | | 07:20 | Dr. John Deloney | "I'm going to stop going to war with my body. I am not the enemy of me. I'm going to start assuming my body's right..." | | 11:15 | Dr. John Deloney | "On those days, I can't get back up. I've got a couple of people in my corner that can reach down and pull me up." | | 13:20 | Dr. John Deloney | "This is what normal feels like. I had just been spun up for so long, it became.. who I was." | | 20:29 | Dr. John Deloney | "The place you start is choosing reality. What is the state of your marriage?... What's the state of our finances?" | | 25:30 | Dr. John Deloney | "Maybe their bodies are working perfectly. And the real question we have to ask is what kind of world have we created that the human body can't live in?" |

Timestamps for Key Segments

• What is Anxiety? [03:15–04:33]
• Why We Ruminate [04:33–06:09]
• A Different Approach [07:16–10:24]
• Growth through Setbacks [10:40–11:51]
• Anxiety as Identity [12:14–14:06]
• Teaching Kids about Anxiety [16:05–18:10]
• Resilience and Preparation [18:10–20:16]
• Getting Started (Choosing Reality) [20:16–21:44]
• In-the-Moment Coping [21:59–24:08]
• Challenging the Mental Health Status Quo [24:27–26:05]

Takeaway

Dr. Deloney’s approach invites listeners to challenge modern assumptions about anxiety by treating it as vital feedback rather than a flaw. The episode offers both philosophical and practical guidance: face reality, simplify life, prioritize relationships, and prepare for the unavoidable—ultimately turning anxiety from an enemy into an ally for a healthier, more peaceful life.