← Something You Should Know
Something You Should Know
The Biology of Love & Simple Questions That Can Save You Money -SYSK Choice
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This episode of Something youg Should Know is presented by Dutch. If your pet is still scratching and over the counter treatments aren't cutting it, Dutch connects you with a real licensed vet online. No waiting room and get prescription strength flea and tick meds delivered to your door. Use code sysk@dutch.com for $40 off your membership today on something you should know. Valuable lessons we can learn from the parking lot at Disney World. Then the biology of love and the science behind a successful relationship.
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B
What the data says about the highest predictor for successful relationship, it has nothing to do with the other person. The predictor for my successful relationship is how satisfied I am with my life, with my career, with my friends.
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A
And also is going barefoot a good idea? And you can save quite a bit of money by asking for deals on things, breaks on fees and charges if you're willing to ask.
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C
I totally get not wanting to be cheap, but people's budgets are really tight. It really can be a classic example of it can't hurt to ask. The worst thing that they're going to say is no.
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A
All this today on something you should know. Here's a question for anyone with a dog or cat. Have you ever bought a flea treatment, used it exactly the way the instructions say? And the fleas? Well, they didn't really care? Well, you're not imagining it. Over time, fleas actually build up a resistance to those over the counter treatments. Frontline advantage Seresto. They work for a while and then they don't. And Meanwhile you've spent $150, $200, maybe more, and your dog or cat still scratches. Well, here's what most people don't know. The stuff your vet prescribes Bravecto, Simparica, Nexgard they hit differently. Prescription strength is a completely different class of treatment, but getting it usually means you make an appointment, you sit in the waiting room and then you get a bill that makes you wince. Which is where Dutch comes in. Dutch is an online vet service that connects you with a real licensed vet. No waiting room, no office visit fee. They can prescribe the same prescription strength flea and tick meds your vet would and get them delivered right to your door. So if your pet is still scratching and you've tried everything the pet store has to offer, it's time to stop guessing and go prescription and support us. And use code SYSK and you'll get $40 off your membership@dutch.com Dutch.com Dutch.com Something you should know Fascinating intel the world's top experts and Practical advice you can use in your life today. Something you should know with Mike Carruthers. If you've ever been in love or want to be in love or are curious about love, this episode is for you. You're about to hear a really interesting conversation about the biology of love. Welcome to something you should know. I'm Mike Carruthers, and we start today with this. Whether it's a party or a meeting or a trip to Disney World or Disneyland, you're more likely to remember the beginning and the end of the experience more than what happened in the middle. Walt Disney knew this. And that's why when you go to Disneyland or Disney World, you'll notice something very interesting. The experience in the parking lot is usually about as pleasant as a parking lot experience can be. The parking attendants and the tram operators have nice uniforms. They're well trained, well organized, and they make the experience as brief as possible. Because research shows that even if you have a great time in the Disney park, if the first or last part of the experience, meaning your experience in the parking lot, is unpleasant, it will taint your memory of the entire trip. You can use this knowledge to your advantage. When you host an experience. Make sure the beginning and the end are pleasurable to all the participants. And that is something you should know. Hopefully, and most certainly, you have experienced different kinds of love in your life. Life. Parental love, love of a child or a relative or a friend, romantic love, even the love of a pet. It's all love, and humans, it seems, crave it. But as you may have noticed, in your life and in the lives of everyone around you, love is problematic. As wonderful as it can be, it can also cause a lot of trouble. Most discussions of love focus on the feelings and attitudes and beliefs about love. But today we are taking a fascinating look at love through a biological lens. The biology of love. And through that lens, you'll discover how to improve the love relationships in your life. And you're going to hear a prescription for better romantic love and marriage that is different from what you've probably heard before. And when you hear it, I think you'll agree it really rings true. My guest is Dr. Liat Yakir. She is a biologist specializing in genetics and science communication. She's a highly respected keynote speaker on the topics of biology of human emotions and the evolutionary roots of human behavior. She's author of a book called A Brief History of what Attracts Us, How We Fall in Love, and why Biology screws it all up. Hi Liot. Welcome to something you should know.
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B
Hi Mike, Good to be here.
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A
So tell me, first of all, what's your working definition of love? What is it exactly?
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B
So, as a biologist, I see love as an emotion, the emotion of bonding and attachment to another creature. It can be the lover, children, other relationship that we had with another creature. And it's the product of hormones that are produced in our brain and in our body that makes us bond to each other.
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A
And do humans crave it or we just. If we get it, we get it.
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B
We crave for it. We are born for love. And the main hormone here is oxytocin, the love hormone, the bonding hormone, attachment, empathy. And we are social creatures. Without love, we perish. We need this hormone to relax our nervous system. Our nervous system needs another nervous system to be relaxed and to feel secure. So we crave love.
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A
So we call it all love. But the different kinds of love are really different. The love you feel for your child or your parent is very different than the love you feel for a romantic partner. Yet it's all called love. And they all must deliver some reward.
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B
Love as a relaxation asset is our bond with any creature. Yeah, even our pet. And of course, our parents and family and friends. So we crave this oxytocin, this hormone that we can get only in relationship. But the romantic love is the most complicated and it starts at puberty and it has three stages that we should discriminate between because it makes our life more complicated. So the romantic love is composed of the phase of attraction, which is mainly led by testosterone and estrogen. When we start to be interested in the other sex, it takes our brain 30 seconds to decide if we are attracted sexually to a person or not. Of course, it's subconscious. And the second phase is the infatuation stage, the falling in love. The stage that all the songs and the stories talks about. The between six hours to two years, this infatuation stage, the butterflies in your belly.
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A
Six hours to two years?
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B
Yeah, usually in average around one year. Even today, even 10 months it takes us to fall in love with somebody. The infatuation phase that you feel that you cannot live without that person and you crave for their proximity and you sit by the phone for the message to come. So this is the infatuation stage. And the last stage and the prolonged stage is the attachment, where there's no more butterflies in the belly and you don't crave for text message, but you feel secure and you feel relaxed and you feel attached to the person. You feel good friendship and also some desire. And love, of course, but every stage is led by different hormones.
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A
In the attraction stage, is it ever possible, does it ever happen where two people are attracted to each other but without the sexual desire, the sexual potential, it's just two people just really click and get along, but there's no desire for sex?
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B
Yeah, that's a very good question, Mike. And for me as a biologist looking at humans, as you know, in evolutionary terms or everything is about sex. Yeah. So our brain is very hardwired, especially the ancient areas are wired for sex. So when we see somebody, the ancient area of the brain are the first one to switch on and we look at the person and we find them attractive or non attractive. And in biological terms, it means, will I sexually want to be around this person? And as I said, it takes the amygdala emotion control center of the brain 30 seconds to decide yes or no if I want to be with someone or not. Our higher areas of the brain, like the prefrontal cortex, we say no, I'm not only attracted to the physical appearance of a person, I can be a sepiosexual, for example, like I'm attracted to smart people with people with high intelligence or high emotional intelligence. But this is the other areas of the brain that are making rationale of the attraction. But basically it's all about sex in nature.
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A
When you say it's all about sex, is it all about sex the same way for both sexes? And what I mean by that is I think it's just kind of a general feeling assumption opinion. I don't know, that men are much more attracted to the physical and that women are. That. That's less important. That. That's further down the list.
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B
Yes, she still looks at the physical appearance. And when we look at their research in dating apps, we see that women look first on parameters of height of the men, you know, be a little more higher than her before she looks at the social status. So physical attraction is very, very important also for women. And testosterone and estrogens play the role. Testosterone make men be more physically, in average 15% higher in mass than women. And women look for somebody to be bigger than her, you know, feel comfortable, feel like she's protected, she will say these things. But it's basically the attraction for higher levels of testosterone, which also will make a man look more athletic or, you know, more muscles, body features of testosterone and also of estrogen. So also women look at the physical appearance of men. But you are right, the social status is also important for women. And in all mammalian kingdom, females don't like any Male, they are attracted to the alpha male or males that show the signs of the alpha male. So they have a higher social status than the other, the dominant ones in the. In the territory. So still you are right. It's also for women, but also a man in the dating apps with a photographed with a guitar gets much more messages from women. So also music gives us good signs.
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A
Men whose picture has a guitar, they're holding a guitar is more attractive to women.
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B
Yes. I guess it's signs of, you know, like making music and oxytocin. Oxytocin is secreted when we make music. So it's maybe more sensitive man connected to his feelings and can be a good partner and a good parent. Maybe, I don't know. But still a guitar do it for
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A
women still today it's not a conscious thing. They don't say, well, I find him attractive because he's holding a guitar. Right. It's very subconscious.
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B
Exactly 95% of what's happening to us, our behavior is subconscious to us. And for me as a biologist, it is all rooted in our biology. And there is a logic behind them. And evolutionary. In evolutionary sense. There is a logic behind it. Also men are men we see in dating apps are attracted to of course the physical appearance, the fertility signs of women, but also a women that smiles a lot and convey in the photo joyfulness and vitality gets more messages from men. So men are not only looking for the physical appearance, but also for vitality signs and joyfulness and smilefulness.
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A
When we find someone attractive, it is just that it's only attraction. It doesn't mean that that person would make a good partner, would make a good life partner. It's just a very initial physical or whatever what you just described. But it has nothing to do with. And this person would make a good partner.
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B
Exactly. That's why I'm saying that there is no love at first sight. There is attraction from first sight, which is important. Yes. But there is no love at first sight. And 10% of people, you know, they were asking in big surveys, 10% say that they knew it was it from the first sight. And 50% say they even didn't have attraction at first sight. So they didn't even thought about going for another date. We need to give a chance because love takes time. It takes time to secrete the oxytocin. It is secreted when we talk with each other, when we smile to each other, when we ask questions and talk about our lives and about our emotions and feelings. Sometimes people really eliminate after one date and they say, I didn't feel the attraction and that's it. But love takes time. And when you start to secrete the oxytocin, this special love hormone, after a while you find the person more attractive than he was at the first or she was at first sight. Because oxytocin makes us euphoric and see the other person as more attractive when we know him. It can be also for the other side. So when you find someone very attractive at first sight, but then you know him and you know that he's not a good person and suddenly he doesn't look so attractive. So it's all in our eyes and it's all the work of hormones. So we need to give love a chance.
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A
So there's this thing that gets thrown into the mix of attraction and infatuation. I'd like for you to explain. And that is this idea of being hard to get, that it's more attractive if somebody doesn't want you. And it seems like, you know, you should want somebody who wants you and they should want somebody who wants them. But somehow in the human brain, when someone's hard to get, it makes them more attractive and doesn't seem to make
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B
much sense in evolutionary terms. It makes in, you know, human sense. It doesn't make sense because we should want somebody that want us, of course. So I always say, for singers, play hard to get. Not too hard, of course, don't insult the other person, but don't be too available, especially for women. Sometimes we get attached or we just want to hang out the guy and automatically he can interpret it as, oh, she's, you know, desperate for and, or too attachment, too needy, you know, dependent. Needy, exactly.
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A
We're discussing the biology of love and my guest is Liat Yakir, author of the book A Brief History of Love. What attracts us, how we fall in love and why biology screws it all up. I think we tend to overcomplicate our wardrobe. Too many options, not enough things you actually wear. You don't need more clothes, you need a few pieces that just work. That's why I love quints. My wife, my son, we are all devoted quint shoppers. I wear their cashmere sweaters and short sleeve Mongolian cashmere polos all the time. And the quality is real, 100% Mongolian cashmere, long staple, Pima cotton that stays soft and doesn't pill. All without the luxury markup. That cashmere polo. It looks good, it feels expensive and it's affordable. Quince works directly with top factories and cuts out the middlemen. Their pieces are rated between four and a half and five stars and they only partner with factories that meet high standards for craftsmanship and ethical production. Stop over complicating your wardrobe right now. Go to quince.comsysk for free shipping and 365 day returns. That's a full year to build your wardrobe and love it. Now available in Canada too. Go to Quince.comSYSK
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D
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A
So Liat, often the explanation you hear about the benefits of playing hard to get is that people like a challenge. If you're too easy to get, you're not so desirable. That people like a challenge. Is that it that we want to challenge?
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B
Yes, because this challenge is basically the work of testosterone and also for male and females. This testosterone makes us want to conquer, to be with someone that it's not from our league and it feels like we have an accomplishment. That's why it's really important to not to be too easy to get. And also, I may also add that it, it implies also inside the relationship. Sometimes we think, okay, so we are in a relationship and we are married, so we don't need to play games anymore. But it's not necessarily true. Even inside the marriage, we need to sometimes play these games. I mean, not to be too needy. Why we don't hang out too much together. You are not with me, you are more with your friends. Automatically when someone's saying such phrases or sentences, the other one feels, oh, I need my space. I don't want to be controlled. So this game of testosterone before the relationship and also inside the relationship.
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A
Of course there I'm sure exceptions to pretty much everything you've said. And one of those exceptions I'd like you to talk about is I think everybody probably knows someone who should not get married or should never have gotten married because they just don't seem the settle down monogamous type. Are there people like that that are just wired that way, that monogamy just, just doesn't work for them?
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B
As a matter of fact, 20% of the population have a special variant of the gene for a dopamine receptor in the brain that they called it the infidelity gene. You need more excitements and more conquers. And this 20% of population need more excitement than the others. But we all have this tension between monogamy and polyamory, if you want, or polygamy that you want the attachment and security and relaxation and familiarity of a one person. But there is a price that we pay and the price is the dopamine. Because dopamine makes us seek for novelty, for new things. We have this wiring of the brain that makes us be become tolerant to the same stimuli, the same kiss, the same touch with the same person. So after a while, like I said, six hours, hours to two years, we find it boring sometimes and it's wiring of our brain, it has nothing to do with the other person. So in this game, this is what I'm trying to educate and understand that it's written in our biology. We will have to deal with this tension between the need of security, attachment, familiarity and also the need for dopamine and adrenaline and serotonin, which are coming for us from novelty seeking. And that's why you. Sometimes we lose desire for the same person.
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A
But it seems. Would you say that women are more monogamous or would you say that men are less monogamous than the other?
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B
No, no, I wouldn't say that. Because also we see, when we look at the research about cheating, we see it's 50, 50, you know, between women and men. So there is no difference.
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A
You said a few minutes ago that there's this variant of a gene that makes people, 20% of people less monogamous or more likely to cheat. Can you like actually test for that?
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B
Yes, even there are labs in the US that you can send your DNA and they will tell you if you have this variant of the gene. There is also the monogamy gene. It makes the male more attached to the females and also the female more attached to the males. So they stay together, together for forever. And they don't cheat on each other. And usually they don't, they get depressed where they are not together. So there is also the monogamy gene and you can check for this also.
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A
So with all you know about this is do you have a prescription like what makes a good monogamous relationship and or what gets in the way of it?
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B
Yes, I have a prescription, how to preserve love. If we understand this biology. So first, what the data says about the highest predictor for successful relationship it doesn't. It has nothing to do with the other person. It has all about. It has all to do with us. This is the satisfaction from life of oneself. Yes. So the predictor for my successful relationship is how satisfied I am with my life, with my career, with my friends, with the meaning of life for me. And the second predictor is the levels of stress. So. So the first thing we need to do is relieve stress and be more satisfied with our own life and it's in our own responsibility. The other parameter is the commitment to the bond and the appreciation of the partner and also sexual satisfaction. So also my prescription is to really work on the sexual satisfaction, knowing that the biology is against us. But we can outsmart biology by keeping the engines of eroticism by talking about it, by don't pleasing each other too much. No being everyone has his own space and be too long to each other to be together, but also apart sometimes and elevate the oxytocin level. Smile and touch and be with each other and talk with each other and do things together, but do things also apart.
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A
Well, what's interesting about your prescription is that we hear so often when couples are having trouble, you need to work on your relationship. And I never really understood what that meant. But that's not what you're saying. You need to work on you maybe and maybe help your partner work on them. But it isn't so much about fixing the relationship according to what you just said.
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B
Yeah. Yes, this is what I think because I see it also all as a, you know, balance of hormones. And if you are balanced with your hormones, you know, more serotonin. I love serotonin. You know, dopamine is the novelty, seeking to seek for what I don't have. Serotonin is being happy with what I have. And I wish everybody could elevate the serotonin, which makes us look at what we have and be content and. And be satisf to have gratitude towards ourselves.
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A
Well, it's really unique to hear a discussion about love and relationships and commitment and all that through your lens of biology as opposed to the more psychological discussions that we hear. And I think it brings great insight into the whole issue of what's going on in relationships and what goes wrong and what goes right. I have been speaking to Dr. Liat Yakir. She is a biologist who specializes in genetics and science communication, and she's author of a book called A Brief History of what Attracts Us, How We Fall in Love and why Biology Screws It All Up. There's a link to her book at Amazon in the show notes. Thank you for spending the time today. Liat.
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B
Thank you. Thank you very much, Mike. It was a pleasure.
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D
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- [29:36]
A
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C
Thanks for having me. It's great to be here.
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A
So explain what you mean by how people can take more control over their finances than maybe they realize.
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C
It's really about the ability to get a little bit more for your money and to take a little more control. A simple example would be that if you are late paying a credit card bill, if you're a day or two late, your credit card issuer may hit you with a late fee. And that can be in the past it's been 30, $40 a shot. There's some rules that just change that going to make that more like 8 or $10. But still, that's real money that you are being charged for a simple mistake or an oversight or something that but most credit card issuers have a policy, unwritten or otherwise, that says that they will waive that fee for occasional offenders, but people have to ask for it. So that like 8, $, 30 thing may not change people's lives, but when you add it all up and you make those sort of asks and take that control in other aspects of your life, it can add up.
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A
Well, I think everybody's probably had that happen to them where the credit card payment was a day or two late or they just forgot to pay it or whatever and then they get hit with that fee. And I'm glad to hear, because I hadn't heard that that fee's going down because yeah, it's been like 35, 40 bucks. And now they're going to have to reduce that. Cause I would imagine banks, credit card companies make a lot of money on those fees. I mean it's almost pure profit.
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C
It a whole lot of money. And the people who paid the most are folks who are repeat offenders. So while somebody who only has to face that fee once in a blue moon can get it waived, the people who are paying that type of fee most and other bank fees like overdraft fees and stuff like that most often are the ones who are who may have that fee six, eight, ten times a year. And that stuff really, really adds up. And those folks aren't going to get that fee waived. That announcement that just came down from the Biden administration that they are going to be in most cases for the biggest credit card issuers, capping credit card late fees. And at $8 for in all instances, as opposed to $30 for the first instance and $41 for subsequent offenses. That savings is a big deal, especially when you consider that you might be saving that $25 five, six times in the course of a year. That adds up to real money.
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A
Well, one of the. Well, I always figured the bigger issue is when you're late with a credit card payment. Yes, you'll often get hit with a fee and you can usually waive it. I've heard that credit card companies, if I recall, say you can do it once a year. You know, that's their policy. But if you're one of those six times a year guys, that's not likely to. They're not going to keep waiving it and waiving it. But what also happens is your interest rate skyrockets after you're late by a day or two.
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C
Generally, your interest rate isn't going to skyrocket if you're just late for a day or two. Generally what happens is that you have to be 30, 60 days late with that payment in order for them to bump up your interest rate in that way. So if you're only a day or two late, really what it's about is calling up that card issuer and saying, hey, I just made a mistake, auto pay glitched, or, you know, I was really busy or something like that, and I didn't get, I didn't get that paid. Would you mind waiving it? And if you are somebody who hasn't been late very often, there's a really, really good chance that they're going to waive that.
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A
Well, besides credit card fees and late fees and that kind of thing, where else are we missing an opportunity here, for example?
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C
Well, one big other example is in the medical bill space, and it's certainly not breaking news to anybody that medical bills are a really, really big deal and a really, really expensive thing. And the truth is that there is room to negotiate and room to just make sure that you are being treated properly with those medical bill. One of the things that I've spoken with a bunch of people about is that first medical bill that you get, that statement that you get oftentimes has errors on it. And if you don't check to make sure that what you are getting billed for is accurate, it can cost you real money.
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A
Like, for example, I mean, I've looked at bills. Well, a couple of things. If insurance is going to pay for it, you're less likely to scrutinize the bill if all you have to do is a $40 copay or whatever it is, then you're not going to go over line by line. But medical bills, whether on purpose or not, I always suspect it is, are impossible to make sense of. And maybe if you're a doctor you can, but you can't make sense of those things.
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C
You can certainly try. I mean, you don't have to understand every single thing in that there are things that you can do and that you can understand that can really help. Because part of what keeps people from asking for these things, whether it's at the doctor's office or with the mechanic or with your IT guy or whatever the case might be, is that they feel that they can't possibly have a conversation with somebody that would be impactful because they don't know enough. But the truth is that sometimes it is just about asking somewhat simple questions. And with medical bills in particular, what you can do is ask the medical provider for an itemized bill of the services that you got and to include what are called CPT codes on that bill. And those CPT codes are essentially to medical services what like barcodes are to products in a store. They are industry wide accepted coding for specific services, procedures and what have you. And they are the true indicator of what you are getting billed for. And if you look at those and do a little bit of homework online to understand what the code is that is on that bill, you can see if you got charged for for example, the wrong thing that may cost $5,000 instead of the thing that you actually got, that you actually got done that might have only been $1,500. So these things aren't necessarily simple, but you definitely can impact your costs and the way you handle things with a little bit of homework.
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A
Well, what about some of the simple things? I would imagine there are some things that we just never even think to ask. So we don't get. Because if you don't ask, you don't
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C
get little things like shopping at a furniture store or an appliance store that's run by a mom and pop and asking them to add in throw pillows with that couch that you bought or things like that. There are so many cases really more often than not in which you can negotiate. Now it's certainly true that you're not going to be able to go up to the checkout counter at Kroger and haggle over the price of Cheerios and a loaf of bread. But, but with many, many other things you can and oftentimes when the, when the ticket price goes up you may actually have a little bit more room to negotiate.
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A
So address the thing, though, that I think a lot of people have where you feel kind of, especially a mom and pop store, like you feel like you're taking money from. I mean, they set the price as the price, and here you're trying to get a deal, and that means they're going to make less money. And is it really worth it to save $5 on this? And it makes me feel kind of cheap.
- [40:35]
C
That's a real thing, and there's no question about it. And there is something to be said for leaning on your values as to how you negotiate and who you negotiate with. Like, maybe you don't want to negotiate with a small business because you understand that their margins are really, really tight. Or you're not going to negotiate at a thrift store or someplace like that because you know that even if you pay a little bit more, that money's going to a good place, that sort of thing. But what you also need to realize is that a lot of these businesses, they may not necessarily expect you to negotiate, but they're not going to run you off if you negotiate either. It really can be a classic example of it can't hurt to ask. The worst thing that they're going to say is no. So I totally get, get not wanting to be. Not wanting to be cheap, not wanting to come off as pushy or a Karen or something like that. But people's budgets are really tight. Oftentimes life's expensive in 2024, and that's not changing anytime soon. So there are little things that you can do that can make a difference. Sometimes you just need to pick your
- [42:08]
A
spots depending on what you're asking for, what kind of deal you're trying to get. I would always have trouble once I heard no of what do you say now? You ask for something? They say, no, okay, now what?
- [42:25]
C
Sometimes when you're told no, the best thing to do is just say, okay, no worries, and move on. But there are times where there is value in escalating to a manager or even sometimes just calling back the next day, because sometimes the person that you get on the other end of the phone has had a really rough day, has been yelled at 10 different times, and just isn't going to help anybody. But maybe the next person that you speak to the next day will. So it can be worth sometimes asking and being willing to be rejected and being told no. And there's also something to it where I talk in sports analogies a lot. And it's really a bit about kind of getting your reps in, where if you're told no the first time, it hurts, may take it personal, it may feel really bad. But if you get used to it and understand that it's not personal, they're not doing anything to you intentionally, those may kind of roll off your back a little bit more.
- [43:40]
A
So if I wanted to do what you're talking about and negotiate with a cell phone carrier or a credit card company or whatever, you have scripts in your book. But give me a sample of how that conversation was would go with a
- [43:58]
C
credit card interest rate. For example, you can look at websites like LendingTree where I work and other credit card issuer websites. Or that you might get in your snail mail or your email and go into that conversation where you say, hey, I've been a customer for a few years, I love your car, I've never missed a payment. But I got this offer for a card that's offering me a 19% interest rate instead of the 25% interest rate that I have now. Who can I speak with about potentially having y' all lower my lower my interest rate? And chances are they may push back a little bit. And in the case like that, it may be a situation where you follow up with, okay, who else on your team can I speak with about this to kind of keep the ball rolling? And that's an example of, you know, kind of an open ended question where instead of giving somebody the opportunity to end the conversation by telling you no, you're keeping it open ended. And they may say, well, let me connect you with my boss or let me connect you with somebody in our marketing team or whatever the case might be. And that can be a way for you to keep that conversation going and keep them from just cutting you off at the pass.
- [45:36]
A
I've also heard people say, but I've never done it is so if you have like cable TV or Internet service or whatever and you got some kind of teaser offer at the beginning and then your rate goes up, but you can call and get the monthly fee lowered.
- [45:57]
C
Absolutely true. I mean, there's no guarantee that it works every single time. But I think by now that is so common that cable companies might even expect people to do that and cell phone providers as well. And that's an example of when there's a really, really competitive marketplace. You have real value because those companies look at you in terms of your lifetime value, meaning that when you stick around, you spend more money and they make more money off of you. So if you ask for a reduced rate for a few months. That's probably not going to that big of an issue for big mega cable company because they want to keep you around and keep you spending money. And once you kind of understand the, the whole lifetime value idea and that you are valuable to that company, it keeps you from feeling like you're going in on bended knee, asking for scraps, and makes you feel like you're coming at it with more of a position of power. And that can really make a difference in how you feel and how you approach that call.
- [47:33]
A
But I've always wondered, and maybe you've looked into this, because I have some experience with this, that some of these companies are aware that people will be doing this stuff and they throw up roadblocks specifically to make it difficult. And is that a fair statement or not?
- [47:53]
C
Yeah, no, it's definitely fair. I mean, it's not news to these big companies that people will try and call and ask for breaks. And if you know that going in, it can be okay. And that's one of those examples where you kind of have to think through at the beginning how far you're willing to go.
- [48:22]
A
And
- [48:24]
C
it's the example of if you're at a car dealership and you're negotiating over a rate and you're like, well, I'm just going to walk out. That car salesman's going to follow you and suddenly have that better deal. It's the same thing if you are willing to cancel that credit card or that gym membership or something like that. You don't always have to bring that sort of hammer. Sometimes it's, it's just not necessary. But there are definitely occasions where you will get pushback and it may be a little bit harder, but that doesn't mean that you can't end up eventually getting a little bit of something at the end.
- [49:12]
A
Yeah, well, I know we had an experience with a major cell phone carrier just time after time, every time there was a problem and, oh, we have to check with this. And then they would promise to do this and then it never happened. And then you'd have to call back. And so we finally switched carriers and, you know, now we get all those things in the mail and emails. Come on back, come on back. No, sorry, you made it so difficult result. We're never coming back.
- [49:42]
C
That happens all the time. People have limits as to how, how far they're willing to be pushed before they take action. And the other thing that people should understand is what you said at the end. There is that they come back offering you ways to ways to save if you come back. And depending on how badly hurt you feel or how awful you were treated, you can leverage that sometimes.
- [50:16]
A
Well, as I listen to you, I think back on all the times I thought about asking for that deal, or maybe I should, maybe I shouldn't. And you think about all those times, how much money over the course of time I might have saved if I had, but didn't. Probably a lot of money. Matt Schultz has been my guest. He's the Chief credit analyst at LendingTree, and he is author of a book called Ask Questions, Save Money, make how to Take Control of youf Financial Life. And there's a link to that book at Amazon in the show notes. Thanks, Matt.
- [50:50]
C
Thanks Mike. This was a lot of fun. I appreciate you having me
- [50:56]
A
Is it good to go barefoot? But, well, depends on who you talk to. Some people are strong supporters of earthing, that is, being barefoot in order to pick up electrons from the bare earth. It is said that earthing reduces inflammation, prevents and treats chronic inflammatory and autoimmune diseases, and produces measurable differences in white blood cells. It can even reduce pain levels, they say. And some say going barefoot even has mental health benefits. On the other hand, research shows that people have been wearing shoes of some sort for more than 40,000 years, and there's a pretty good reason for that. Footwear provides important structural support, comfort, and protection from a wide variety of threats, including sharp objects, pests, heat and invisible germs. You can't see them, but bacteria, fungi and viruses are common in showers, locker rooms, pools and anywhere else with a lot of water or moisture. These microorganisms can lead to infection and change your foot's appearance. The fact is that when you go out in public, you're walking on surfaces that hundreds, if not thousands of people have walked on before, and you have no idea what you're coming in contact with. So should you go barefoot? Well, it kind of depends on where you go barefoot and how important it is to go barefoot. And that is something you should know. If you follow this podcast, we pop up on your phone or other device three times a week, three episodes a week. We hope you'll listen. And also remember, we have a huge back catalog of shows that you may have missed. I'm Mike Herruthers. Thanks for listening today to something you should know. This episode is brought to you by Athletic Brewing Company. No matter how you do game day, on the couch, in the crowd, or manning the snack table, Athletic Brew fits right in with a full lineup of non alcoholic beer styles you can enjoy bold flavors all game long. No hangovers, no buzz, no subbing out for water in the second half. Stock the fridge for tip off with a variety of non alcoholic craft styles. Available at your local grocery store or online at athleticbrewing.com near beer fit for all times the UPS store is making packing and shipping Easter gifts quicker than
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A
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A
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