Podcast Summary: "The Problem with Authenticity & The Psychology That Fuels War"
Podcast: Something You Should Know
Host: Mike Carruthers
Guests: Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic (Business Psychologist), Nicholas Wright (Neuroscientist)
Date: October 16, 2025
Overview
This episode explores two big ideas:
- The Myths and Problems of Authenticity: Business psychologist Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic challenges the modern obsession with "being authentic," questioning its usefulness and offering a more nuanced, evidence-based perspective.
- The Psychology Behind War: Neuroscientist Nicholas Wright examines why war is a persistent part of human civilization, probing whether it’s rooted in our nature and what it means for the future.
The show also features short, science-based life tips relating to topics like kissing and carrying heavy bags.
Section 1: The Science of Kissing
[02:46–05:15]
- Mike begins by debunking the phrase “a kiss is just a kiss.”
- Science on Kissing:
- Increases oxytocin (the calming chemical) and endorphins (feel-good chemicals).
- Acts as a “mate assessment tool,” gathering sensory data from the lips, cheeks, tongue, and nose.
- Uses 30 muscles; even boosts cheek tightness and immunity.
- “Kissing has long been thought to be a way of passing bacteria, which then strengthens the body's defenses.” – Mike Carruthers [04:40]
- Tone: Light, engaging scientific trivia.
Section 2: The Problem with Authenticity
Guest: Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic, author of Don't Be: Why Authenticity Is Overrated and What to Do Instead
[05:22–26:30]
Key Discussion Points
The Cult of Authenticity
- “You are part of a minority… given that the authenticity cult...translated into mantras such as: 'Don’t worry about what people think of you. Always be true to your values no matter what. Bring your whole self to work.'” – Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic [05:42]
- Authenticity dominates modern advice and social media culture.
Why Authenticity Is Flawed
- The concept implies we are static, the same in every context—which is unrealistic.
- “It will be ludicrous to lose that ability as adults... work is not an invitation to impose your uncensored or uninhibited self on others, but to bring the best and most professional version of you.” – Tomas [06:40]
- Evidence shows we cannot objectively measure authenticity—self-reports and peer assessments are unreliable and tainted by bias.
- “Our own self-views have zero reliability and accuracy predicting how other people see us… whether you like the person or not, whether you align with their values.” – Tomas [07:52]
- What people call authenticity often correlates with emotional intelligence: skilled self-presentation and focus on what’s valuable to others.
Authenticity Isn’t Always Good
- Authenticity includes “the bad and the ugly”—not just positive traits.
- “By most parameters and definitions, Adolf Hitler was an authentic leader... he was true to his values. Unfortunately, they were extremely toxic, antisocial, repugnant, and destructive.” – Tomas [11:10]
- Modern workplace etiquette, especially online, is dominated by egocentric approaches disguised as authenticity.
The Real Value of Authenticity
- When people call for authenticity, it’s often strategic: “If you’re playing poker with someone and you tell them, ‘Just tell me what your hand is...’ it makes things easier for you, right, if they do.” – Tomas [13:09]
- Most people prefer polite insincerity over “authentic rudeness.” – Mike: “I would rather somebody pretend to be nice to me than be a jerk.” [14:35] Tomas: “You're not an exception there... we all do.” [14:41]
Is Authenticity Actually a Big Cultural Deal?
- “In 2024 or 2023, authenticity was chosen as word of the year by Merriam-Webster… whether it is restaurants, diamonds, designer handbags, or people, the assumption is that authenticity is better—but we really can’t measure it.” – Tomas [18:59]
- Authenticity is often a retrospective rationalization: “When people behave properly or do something that leads to success, they interpret that as their authentic self... And when bad things happen, they say, ‘Oh, that wasn’t me.’” – Tomas [20:39]
The Best Version vs. The Real You
- Feedback from others is crucial—self-monitoring is growth.
- “Feedback from others helps us understand our limitations... is how you grow and develop.” – Tomas [22:05]
- “The vast majority, if not all human beings, inhabit multiple selves...work or any high-stake interaction…is an invitation to display the relevant aspects of ourselves.” – Tomas [23:06]
- Faking it is costly if obvious, so the goal is: “be yourself, but on a good day.” – Tomas [23:54]
Excusing Bad Behavior
- “You could kind of hide behind this authentic label… ‘that’s just who I am.’” – Mike [24:49]
- “Should I not try to become somebody better? Would I not benefit from trying to understand other people’s points of view?” – Tomas [25:07]
Key Takeaway
- “Authenticity as a concept is practically meaningless and not very helpful. We don’t need authenticity as a concept to assess either ourselves or others and determine what we like, who we like, and who we don't.” – Tomas [26:10]
Section 3: The Psychology of War
Guest: Nicholas Wright, neuroscientist and author of How the Brain Shapes War and War Shapes the Brain
[29:10–50:15]
Key Discussion Points
Is War Part of Human Nature?
- “It is part of what it is to be human. Every brain... is built to win or at least survive a fight. That's not everything we do, but that's part of what it is to be human.” – Nicholas Wright [30:28]
Attitudes Toward War Past & Present
- Societal attitudes have shifted, but the capacity for war persists.
- “If you are a country that does not believe it can and should fight... you’ll be easy prey for those who do not share your beliefs in peace.” – Nicholas [31:32]
Why Can’t We Avoid War With Diplomacy?
- Some conflicts stem from unavoidable opposition (as in WWII), whereas others occur despite the desire for peace.
The Irrationality and Persistence of War
- Referencing Steven Pinker’s decline-of-war thesis, Nicholas notes: “Even if wars are decreasing in frequency, that doesn't mean wars can't break out... and when they do, we need to be able to fight effectively, otherwise we will lose.” – Nicholas [33:25]
- Human brains remain central weapons in war: surprise, shock, skill, will, and daring.
Why Do Soldiers Fight?
- Authoritarian versus democratic regimes: People fight when compelled, and even pacifists often become fighters under pressure.
The Military Industrial Complex & Wisdom
- Eisenhower warned of the military industrial complex—success in a nuclear age requires wisdom and long-term thinking, not just clever action.
- “There are no simple answers to winning... only with wiser decision-making can we avoid all of these different ways of losing.” – Nicholas [36:56]
Wisdom vs. Cleverness in Leadership
- “We can't just be clever, we need to be wise. So wisdom is seeing the bigger picture so that our chosen actions can help us live better... we can be better.” – Nicholas [40:06]
Is War Becoming Obsolete?
- “We can keep blowing each other up... war will always change. The nature of war is the same... But the character of war, how it pans out, that will always be different.” – Nicholas [41:36]
- Training soldiers to be wise and restrained offers optimism.
Wars Without Clear Objectives (Vietnam, Afghanistan, etc.)
- States often lose counterinsurgency wars unless political realities are understood (“war is the continuation of politics by other means” – Clausewitz, referenced by Nicholas [43:53])
The Importance of Changing Your Mind
- Flexibility is wisdom: “People differ in their ability to change their minds... really, that is what makes you a truly wise decision maker.” – Nicholas [45:43]
The Tragedy of Sending Young People to Die
- “I don't want my children to go off and fight a war. That would be a waste... But if we are not prepared to do that when we must, then we will be easy pickings for those who are prepared.” – Nicholas [47:20]
Human Nature: Cooperation & Deception
- Human brain machinery evolved for reading intentions, for both cooperation and deception.
Final Reflection
- War is deeply entrenched in human nature—even as we strive for peace, we must be prepared for conflict and use wisdom to guide decision-making.
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote | |-----------|----------------------|-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 11:10 | Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic | "By most parameters and definitions, Adolf Hitler was an authentic leader... he was true to his values. Unfortunately, they were extremely toxic..."| | 13:09 | Tomas Chamarro-Premuzic | "A good way to understand the authenticity cult is that demands... for others to be authentic are really not very authentic at all." | | 18:59 | Tomas Chamarro-Premuzic | "People will pay 50 or 100 times more for a diamond if they think it’s authentic... even though no machinery can actually differentiate them." | | 30:28 | Nicholas Wright | "It is part of what it is to be human. Every brain... is built to win or at least survive a fight." | | 36:56 | Nicholas Wright | "Eisenhower... knew that the way a country like America was going to be able to win... was going to require wisdom, not just being clever." | | 41:36 | Nicholas Wright | "War is always going to be the same, fundamentally, because war is politically motivated violence between human groups, at scale." | | 45:43 | Nicholas Wright | "People differ in their ability to change their minds... really, that is what makes you a truly wise decision maker." | | 47:20 | Nicholas Wright | "Ultimately, I don't want my children to go off and fight a war... But if we are not prepared to do that when we must, then we will be easy pickings." |
Section 4: Brief “Intel” Segments
- Physical Health Tip ([50:22]): Don’t carry a purse or briefcase heavier than 10% of your body weight; use a backpack worn high on the back.
- General Show Tone: Informative, practical, accessible, with a touch of humor and warmth.
Episode Structure
- Quick "intel" segment about kissing
- Deep interview with Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic (authenticity)
- Extended interview with Nicholas Wright (psychology of war)
- Short actionable health tip
- Episode wrap-up
Final Takeaways
- Authenticity: The idea is overrated and often misused. What matters is self-monitoring, displaying your best self, and understanding the value of adapting to context.
- War and Human Nature: War is inherently human, unlikely to ever fully disappear. Wisdom and adaptability—not just intelligence or power—are key to steering societies toward peace and survival.
For those who haven’t listened:
This episode will make you rethink the value of authenticity and offer sobering insight into the persistent reality of war, blending practical science, philosophical musings, and real-world advice from top experts. Highly recommended for anyone curious about the intersection of psychology, society, and human behavior.