Something You Should Know: Why We Are Obsessed With Butts & The Best and Worst Way to Apologize

Release Date: January 18, 2025

In this engaging episode of "Something You Should Know," host Mike Carruthers delves into two intriguing topics: the cultural obsession with human butts and the intricacies of making effective apologies. Through insightful conversations with experts Heather Radke and Marjorie Engel, listeners gain a deeper understanding of societal beauty standards and the psychology behind apologies.

1. The Cultural Obsession with Butts

Guest: Heather Radke, author of "A Backstory"

Overview: Heather Radke explores the multifaceted fascination with human butts, unraveling the blend of biological reality and cultural symbolism that fuels this obsession. She discusses how societal standards have shifted over decades, influenced by fashion trends, media representations, and changing demographics.

Key Discussions:

• Anatomical Insights:

  • Radke clarifies the biological function of butts, emphasizing that the gluteus maximus is unique to humans. She debunks common misconceptions, such as the myth that women with larger butts are inherently more fertile.

    Heather Radke [07:56]: "Butts are basically joints. They are the joint where your hip connects to your leg. [...] Only humans have the gluteus maximus."

• Historical and Cultural Shifts:

  • The perception of butts has evolved significantly. Radke traces the idealization from the thin, androgynous figures of the 1920s to the aerobics-inspired "Buns of Steel" of the 1980s, and into the modern era where celebrities like Jennifer Lopez have popularized curvier ideals.

    Heather Radke [22:45]: "America was becoming less white, and also hip hop was becoming the dominant form of music. [...] you see the way that butts were a part of the hip hop beauty ideal."

• Fashion Industry Influence:

  • The fashion industry's role in dictating butt trends is emphasized. Radke discusses how societal pressures to conform to certain body standards are often unrealistic, leading to emotional struggles as individuals attempt to alter their natural physiques.

    Heather Radke [11:35]: "It's one of the only ways you can meaningfully change what your butt looks like [...] it's part of why it's so emotionally difficult to contend with."

• Celebrity Impact:

  • Celebrities play a pivotal role in setting butt trends. Radke highlights how figures like Jennifer Lopez in the late '90s shifted public attention towards more pronounced buttocks, intertwining beauty standards with cultural and musical movements.

    Heather Radke [24:36]: "We also choose the celebrities that fit the moment. [...] in 1997, when Jennifer Lopez was in this movie out of Sight, [...] they started asking her about her butt."

• Future Trends:

  • Speculation about the possible decline of the "big butt" trend is discussed, suggesting that fashion cycles will continue to seek balance by reintroducing slimmer ideals.

    Heather Radke [25:16]: "We're in a funny moment where there's been a number of articles predicting the end of the big butt trend."

Notable Quotes:

• Heather Radke [14:16]: "Probably your butt is attractive to somebody, and that's a great thing. Human variation is a wonderful part of what it is to be human."

• Co-host [20:22]: "There is more attention paid to women's butts than men's butts."

2. The Best and Worst Way to Apologize

Guest: Marjorie Engel, author of "Sorry, Sorry: The Case for Good Apologies"

Overview: Marjorie Engel breaks down the anatomy of a sincere apology, highlighting why effective apologizing is challenging yet crucial for maintaining healthy relationships. She contrasts good and bad apologies, offering practical advice on how to navigate the delicate process of making amends.

Key Discussions:

• Anatomy of a Good Apology:

  • Engel outlines six essential steps for crafting a meaningful apology:

    1. Expressing Remorse: Clearly stating "I'm sorry" or "I apologize" without qualifications.
    2. Acknowledging the Offense: Naming the specific action or behavior that caused harm.
    3. Understanding the Impact: Demonstrating empathy by explaining how the actions affected the other person.
    4. Avoiding Excuses: Steering clear of justifications that undermine the apology.
    5. Commitment to Change: Detailing steps to prevent future occurrences.
    6. Making Reparations: Offering tangible means to rectify the situation.
    7. Listening: Allowing the offended party to express their feelings and perspectives.

    Marjorie Engel [29:18]: "A good apology really is six easy steps, maybe six and a half."

• Challenges in Apologizing:

  • The inherent difficulty in apologizing stems from our brain’s tendency to view ourselves as protagonists, making it hard to admit wrongdoing and see ourselves as the antagonist in someone else's narrative.

    Marjorie Engel [31:31]: "We see ourselves as good. Apologizing well means understanding that you were the bad guy in somebody else's story."

• Impact of Good vs. Bad Apologies:

  • Good apologies can mend relationships and build bridges, while bad ones often exacerbate conflicts. Engel provides examples of ineffective apologies, such as those that include conditional language like "I'm sorry if," which can invalidate the other person's feelings.

    Marjorie Engel [32:47]: "If you're apologizing to someone face to face and they're backing away from you, sometimes people move forward because they really want you to understand."

• Accepting Apologies:

  • Engel emphasizes that while apologies should be offered sincerely, forgiveness is not obligatory. She advises listeners to recognize when an apology lacks authenticity and to respond appropriately without feeling pressured to accept insincere apologies.

    Marjorie Engel [40:35]: "Apologies are mandatory. Forgiveness is not."

• Writing Apologies:

  • Engel suggests that written apologies can sometimes carry more weight, especially when they are free from ulterior motives and clearly express genuine remorse.

    Marjorie Engel [46:47]: "When somebody actually makes eye contact with you [...] an apology can be such a bridge-building, societally connecting, beautiful thing."

Notable Quotes:

• Marjorie Engel [32:13]: "We all see ourselves as good. We didn’t do anything wrong."

• Marjorie Engel [37:04]: "If you've been told and you still get it wrong [...] you owe someone an apology, but you also don't owe either you or them this theatrical, you know."

3. Practical Takeaways

• Understanding Beauty Standards:

  • Recognize that societal ideals, especially regarding physical attributes like butts, are heavily influenced by cultural and media trends rather than fixed biological truths.

• Crafting Effective Apologies:

  • Follow the structured steps outlined by Engel to ensure your apologies are sincere and effective, fostering healthier interpersonal relationships.

• Self-Reflection:

  • Both segments encourage listeners to reflect on their perceptions—whether about body image or interpersonal conflicts—and understand the deeper cultural and psychological factors at play.

4. Additional Resources

• Books Mentioned:

  • "A Backstory" by Heather Radke
  • "Sorry, Sorry: The Case for Good Apologies" by Marjorie Engel

• Guest Information:

  • Heather Radke explores societal beauty standards in her book, offering a comprehensive look at how body image trends evolve.
  • Marjorie Engel provides actionable advice on making effective apologies, drawing from psychological research and real-world examples.

Conclusion:

This episode of "Something You Should Know" offers a fascinating exploration of societal obsessions and personal interactions. Heather Radke's insights into the cultural significance of butts reveal how deeply ingrained and mutable beauty standards can be. Meanwhile, Marjorie Engel's breakdown of apologies serves as a practical guide for enhancing personal relationships through sincere communication. Together, these discussions empower listeners with knowledge to navigate both societal expectations and personal dynamics more thoughtfully.

For more insightful episodes and to explore the topics discussed, visit the show notes for links to Heather Radke's and Marjorie Engel's books.