Why We Care What Other People Think & How Social Media is Shaping Language

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Why We Care What Other People Think & How Social Media is Shaping Language"

Podcast Information:

• Title: Something You Should Know
• Host: Mike Carruthers | OmniCast Media
• Episode Title: Why We Care What Other People Think & How Social Media is Shaping Language
• Release Date: August 4, 2025

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Introduction

In this episode of Something You Should Know, host Mike Carruthers delves into two compelling topics: the psychological underpinnings of why women tend to need reading glasses earlier than men, and the intricate ways in which social media algorithms are transforming language. Additionally, the episode touches upon the often-debated subject of the correct way to hang a roll of toilet paper. Through insightful interviews with experts Meg Josephson, a psychotherapist, and Adam Oleksik, a linguist, the episode unpacks these diverse subjects with depth and clarity.

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Why Women Usually Need Reading Glasses Sooner Than Men

Key Discussion Points:

• Presbyopia Explained: As people age, the eye's lens stiffens, reducing the ability to focus on close objects, leading to presbyopia—a common reason for needing reading glasses.
• Gender Differences: Research indicates that women typically develop presbyopia earlier than men. The primary reason is anatomical: women generally have shorter arm lengths, causing them to hold reading materials closer to their faces. This proximity accelerates the stiffening of the lens, leading to blurred vision sooner.

Notable Quote:

"Since their arms are shorter, they hold the material closer. And that causes problems with focus and blurred vision sooner."
— Mike Carruthers [07:10]

Conclusion: The difference in the onset of reading glasses need between genders is primarily anatomical, stemming from shorter arm lengths in women. This finding underscores the importance of ergonomic considerations in daily habits to potentially delay the onset of presbyopia.

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People Pleasing: Why We Care What Others Think

Guest: Meg Josephson, Psychotherapist and Author of "Are You Mad at Me? How to Stop Focusing on What Others Think and Start Living for You."

Key Discussion Points:

1. Understanding People Pleasing:

   • Definition: People pleasers excessively seek approval and fear disapproval, often compromising their own needs to maintain harmony.
   • Origins: This behavior often stems from childhood experiences where maintaining a relationship's harmony was crucial for emotional safety, especially in volatile or critical households.

2. The Fawn Response:

   • Explanation: Meg introduces the concept of the "fawn response," an instinctual reaction to perceived threats by appeasing them. For example, complimenting a seemingly upset boss to alleviate tension.
   • Impact: While initially protective, the fawn response can become exhausting and lead to burnout when overused in adulthood.

3. Spotlight Effect:

   • Definition: The tendency to overestimate how much others notice and judge our actions.
   • Implications: People pleasers may believe that others are constantly evaluating them, leading to unnecessary anxiety and self-blame.

4. Strategies to Overcome People Pleasing:

   • Regulation Over Reaction: Instead of immediately responding to perceived threats, individuals should take a moment to calm themselves and assess the situation objectively.
   • Trust and Communication: Encouraging direct communication and trusting others to express their feelings can reduce the need for constant reassurance.
   • Validation vs. Reassurance: Shifting from seeking reassurance ("Are you mad at me?") to seeking validation ("I've been feeling distant lately. Can we talk?") fosters healthier relationships.

Notable Quotes:

"We're not trying to shut that voice out, but instead trying to create a relationship to that voice."
— Meg Josephson [14:06]

"Sometimes we need to fawn when our body is detecting a threat. Whether that threat is real... or perceived."
— Meg Josephson [09:31]

Conclusion: People pleasing is a deeply ingrained behavior often rooted in early life experiences. By recognizing the fawn response and understanding the spotlight effect, individuals can adopt healthier communication strategies, reduce unnecessary anxiety, and build more authentic relationships.

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How Algorithms and Social Media Are Shaping Language

Guest: Adam Oleksik, Linguist and Author of "How Social Media is Transforming the Future of Language."

Key Discussion Points:

1. Influencer Accents and Speech Patterns:

   • Development of an Influencer Accent: Influencers often use specific speech patterns—like raising their voice at the end of sentences—to maintain viewer engagement, driven by algorithmic preferences for high attention.
   • Replication of Success: Successful content creators establish speech habits that others imitate, leading to widespread adoption of certain accents or intonations online.

2. Emergence of New Slang and Memes:

   • Algorithm-Driven Language: Social media algorithms promote content that retains user attention, encouraging the creation and dissemination of catchy or attention-grabbing slang terms.
   • Examples of New Terms: Words like "unalive" (used instead of "dead") and "skibidi" illustrate how new vocabulary emerges from online trends and memes.

3. Contextual Evolution of Words:

   • Euphemisms and Doublespeak: The term "unalive" serves as a euphemism to bypass censorship on platforms like TikTok, reflecting a broader trend of creating indirect language to express sensitive topics.
   • Persistency and Longevity: While some algorithmically driven words falter over time (e.g., "fug"), others like "side eye" and "function" have gained traction and exhibit staying power.

4. Impact on Offline Language:

   • Influence on Real-Life Speech: As users adopt online speech patterns, these influences bleed into offline interactions, subtly altering everyday language.
   • Generational Differences: Younger generations, particularly middle schoolers, actively adopt and propagate new slang as a means of identity formation and differentiation from adults.

5. Emojis as Evolving Language:

   • Functionality: Emojis are used to replace words, signal tone, or convey aesthetic vibes, mirroring the versatility of words in language.
   • Dynamic Meanings: The meanings of emojis evolve rapidly, driven by meme lifecycles and shifting user preferences (e.g., the "crying laughing" emoji transitioning to the "skull" emoji for similar expressions).

6. Censorship and Language Adaptation:

   • Platform Policies: Platforms like TikTok implement censorship policies that lead to the creation of alternative terms to bypass restrictions (e.g., "unalive" for "dead").
   • Cultural Reactions: These adaptations often face backlash as users perceive them as awkward or insincere, yet they persist as part of the language evolution process.

Notable Quotes:

"We've seen the development of a full Influencer accent... engineered to keep your attention online."
— Adam Oleksik [33:31]

"Language is a social thing... Children particularly like adopting new words because it's a way to build their own identity and differentiate themselves from adults."
— Adam Oleksik [51:04]

Conclusion: Social media algorithms play a pivotal role in shaping contemporary language by promoting speech patterns and slang that maximize user engagement. This dynamic interplay between technology and linguistics fosters the rapid evolution of language, influencing both online and offline communication. While some new terms gain lasting acceptance, others fade as quickly as they emerge, reflecting the transient nature of digital language trends.

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The Great Toilet Paper Debate

Key Discussion Points:

• Over vs. Under: The age-old debate on whether toilet paper should hang over or under the roll.
• Historical Perspective: According to Seth Wheeler's original 1891 patent drawings, the paper should hang over the roll. However, there's no explicit written directive, leaving the debate largely a matter of personal or aesthetic preference.
• Practical Considerations:
  • Over: Aesthetically pleasing, less likely to unravel by pets.
  • Under: Easier to access, potentially more hygienic by reducing contact with surfaces.

Notable Quote:

"If over is the way the inventor visualized it, his vote should carry some weight."
— Mike Carruthers [52:26]

Conclusion: The orientation of toilet paper rolls remains a subjective preference with no definitive right or wrong answer. Historical patents suggest an over-hanging orientation, but practical and aesthetic considerations continue to fuel the ongoing debate.

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Final Thoughts

This episode of Something You Should Know offers listeners a multifaceted exploration of human behavior and linguistic evolution influenced by societal norms and technological advancements. From understanding the psychological roots of people pleasing to unraveling the complex ways social media molds our language, Mike Carruthers provides a platform for insightful discussions that encourage self-awareness and adaptability in an ever-changing world.

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Note: All timestamps correspond to the podcast's transcript and are included to reference the context of notable quotes.

Transcript

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[Mike Carruthers]

Today on something you should know why women usually need reading glasses sooner than men then Great advice for people pleasers who are always worried about what others think rather than feeding.

[Meg Josephson]

Into the urge that people pleasing. Uh oh, someone's mad at me so I'm gonna text them. Are we okay? Did I do something wrong? Putting the phone down? Just slowing down. That process is communicating to the body I'm not in danger.

[Mike Carruthers]

Then the right way to hang a roll of toilet paper. And how algorithms and social media are changing our language. And the change seems to start in middle school.

[Adam Oleksik]

Children particularly like adopting new words because it's a way to build their own identity and differentiate themselves from ad. I don't need to adopt the word skibidi right now because I don't need to prove anything about who I am as a person. But it might make a difference in a middle school.

[Mike Carruthers]

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[Meg Josephson]

Thank you for having me.

[Mike Carruthers]

So while it seems like it is human nature to want to please people so that you are part of the group and you are well liked in the group, there are those people who are described not in a good way. Oh, she's such a people pleaser. Like she goes too far with it. So maybe there's a people pleasing sliding scale.

[Meg Josephson]

Absolutely. Well, we have this natural innate craving for harmony in our relationships and we're pro social beings who want to belong and who want, you know, our relationships to go smoothly. And that's natural, but it's certainly a scale in that people pleasing can be for harmony, but can also be actually a threat response and a trauma response as well.

[Mike Carruthers]

So give me an example of that as people pleasing being a threat response or a trauma response.

[Meg Josephson]

Yeah, when, when people pleasing is a threat response, it can manifest as these questions of are you mad at me or am I in trouble? It manifests as overthinking social interactions. But what happens is the body's detecting some sort of threat, and the body is reacting to appease the threat. It's trying to impress it or satisfy it. And this is called the fawn response. An example of this is if your boss is being a little cold or standoffish, your immediate reaction is to compliment your boss or to try to be helpful or agreeable. And so it's this instinct to I detect something is wrong, and so I'm going to abandon myself and overextend myself in order to feel safe.

[Mike Carruthers]

Who hasn't done that? Who has? Everybody's done that. Yeah. And you said something. It's the something response. I didn't hear what that was.

[Meg Josephson]

It's called the fawn response.

[Mike Carruthers]

Oh, so fawn like the deer. Or like, more appropriately, like you're fawning.

[Meg Josephson]

All over someone f a w n. And fawn is moving toward the threat, trying to be liked by it, satisfying it, impressing it. Sometimes we need to do it. It's a useful, brilliant, unconscious protective mechanism. But when we're doing it as our default way of being, it is exhausting and can definitely lead to burnout.

[Mike Carruthers]

So we all know people. In fact, these people are even described this way is, oh, he's I like him. He doesn't care what anybody thinks. Well, who's he? Why does he not do the fawn response? Why does he or. Or does he care what people think? He just deals with it differently.

[Meg Josephson]

Yeah. Well, as a therapist, I work with a lot of people that have learned to fawn as a safety mechanism. And for a lot of people that started in childhood, if you grew up in. In a home that was volatile or tense, or you had a caregiver who is quite critical or. Or emotionally neglectful, the fawn response is such a brilliant mechanism because it is a way of maximizing love and safety. For example, if you had a caregiver who was really volatile or their moods were really unpredictable, being as perfect or as good or as easy as you could is such a brilliant way to keep the caregiver's moods at bay as best as you can. And so for a lot of people, or at least for what I see in the therapy office, this where this behavior starts and is learned. And so for a lot of people that struggle with caring a lot what people think and oh, did I say the right thing? Do they like me? What do they think of me? For a lot of people, this pattern started in childhood as a safety mechanism and carries over into adulthood and isn't as useful anymore. And so it's really for that, for your example of someone who doesn't care what people think. Who knows, maybe that person didn't have to learn how to fawn as a child, but also maybe they became aware of that pattern and they moved through it because it certainly is something that we can unlearn.

[Mike Carruthers]

I have often heard it said that, you know, when people say, you know that you worry too much about what other people think because what other people think is nothing. They don't think about you, they think about them and how they're affecting other people. That when you overthink what other people are thinking, you're probably wrong because they're not thinking much of anything.

[Meg Josephson]

You're exactly right. This is actually a term called the spotlight effect, where we tend to over exaggerate how much people are thinking about us. And we also tend to take those things quite personally. And the realization that we are all living in our own lives and we're all very focused on our own relationships and thoughts and fears and worries and people are really not noticing us as much as we think. But for people that have been conditioned to be stuck in the fawn response, the tendency is to blame ourselves for everything, to assume we've done something wrong. And so we become hyper focused on our faults and on the things we are doing quote wrong. And it just becomes this cycle of self blame.

[Mike Carruthers]

So is the goal when, for example, someone doesn't call you back and you start to think, oh, what have I done wrong? They must be mad at me. Is the goal to stop those thoughts from entering your head?

[Meg Josephson]

You know, we can't stop those thoughts. Those thoughts that come in of, oh, they hate me or they're mad at me or I've done something wrong, that voice might still be there, but instead it's about soothing the emotion beneath the that voice, soothing that anxiety, soothing that fear. We're not trying to shut that voice out, but instead trying to create a relationship to that voice. I still have a lot of those anxious thoughts. As someone who deeply personally resonates with this topic, I still have that anxious voice. I just don't believe those thoughts as much anymore.

[Mike Carruthers]

You gave an example earlier and it's an experience everyone has had where you think your boss is mad at you, so you start to fawn, you start to please them, compliment them, try to unruffle their feathers because you think they're upset. That seems like a pretty normal thing to do.

[Meg Josephson]

Yeah, well, you're speaking to a really good point. Which is sometimes we need to fawn when our body is detecting a threat. Whether that threat is real, like a lion chasing us, or perceived like a boss being maybe mad at us. It doesn't matter. The body's reacting the same way. Sometimes we need to fawn, we have to get a paycheck. We have to survive in society and within these systems that we're living in. So sometimes we need to. It's about really unlearning the fawn response when we don't need it. Like with your best friend, with your partner, if your partner has had a hard day and they're being kind of quiet in the kitchen, and maybe your first instinct, because this has been familiar to you is, are they mad at me? Do they not love me anymore? Noticing that anxiety, is that necessary here? Is that necessary in the same way that it might genuinely be necessary for your boss that you need to. Please.

[Mike Carruthers]

I see this exhibited in another way that I'd like you to comment on, and that is I know people. Like, they'll get a text from somebody and the words on the screen are, that's okay, I'm fine. And they'll say, look, I got this text. And she says, that's okay, I'm fine. Well, no, wait a minute. You're adding all kinds of interpretation into that to make it sound like they're mad.

[Meg Josephson]

And that is such a real example of how the fawn response can manifest where the body is detecting some sort of threat, and so it's looking for information to prove that to be true. Okay, where are the ways in which I'm. I'm not appeasing them and how can I appease them more? So that's the fawn response manifesting. And a tangible tool that I always like to tell my clients is to trust what they're saying, to take it at face value. If they are upset with you, can you trust that they will tell you something? Tell you if they have. If they are secretly mad at you, can you trust and allow them to. To come to you if that's the case? So to practice not mind reading anymore, to drop the analysis of what they could have meant, can you let them communicate what they really mean and trust that they will? And if they don't, if they're not great communicators, there's nothing for you to fix, there's nothing for you to investigate. It's rather clarity about the relationship and how they can communicate.

[Mike Carruthers]

That's brilliant. I think everybody heard somebody in their life or some situation in their life and what you just said. We're talking about people pleasing today and my guest is psychotherapist Meg Josephson, author of the book are you mad at me? How to stop focusing on what others think and start living for you. I have never been a big clothes shopper, especially online shopping. Never been my thing. Yeah, well except lately. Now I am a loyal Quince shopper. I pretty much buy all my clothes from Quince. I mean Quint's has all the good stuff. High quality fabrics, classic fits and Quince clothes are those staple pieces that you'll reach for over and over again like cozy cashmere and cotton sweaters from just $50. I have a couple of their cashmere sweaters, breathable Flit Polos, got some of them. And comfortable lightweight pants for casual and dress up occasions. And the best part, everything with Quints is half the cost of similar brands. You see, they work with top artisans and cut out the middleman so you get luxury clothes without the big markup. So now I'm straying into other parts of their website because they have towels and luggage and cookware and sunglasses and home decor that looks great. I guess what I like about Quint's is my taste. Seems to be their taste and I really love their clothes. I'm wearing a Quint shirt right now that people comment on all the time. You really should check out their website. Keep it classic and cool with long lasting staples from quince. Go to quince.comsysk for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Q U I N C E.comSYSK to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.comSYSK I don't know if you've ever lost weight in your life. I have. There's no better feeling than when you step on the scale or look in the mirror. When you reach your goal, there's no better feeling. But of course it's hard to do. So a lot of people are turning to these new weight loss meds and that is where hers comes in. Hers connects you with a medical provider who will work with you to determine the best treatment option for you. Then if prescribed, you get medication as part of a doctor developed weight loss program complete with ongoing care check ins, dosage and medication adjustments and access to 24. 7 support at no additional cost, no extra fees, no nothing. Hers provides access to affordable weight loss programs built around oral medication kits and GLP1 injectable options with oral medication kits starting at just $69 a month with a 10 month plan when paid up front. So if you've been struggling with your weight, it's time to find the best option that works for you through hers. Whether you want to lose weight, grow thicker, fuller hair or find relief from anxiety, hers has you covered. Visit forhers.com something to get a personalized affordable plan that gets you that's F O r h e r-s.com Somethingforhers.com Something Weight loss by hers is not available everywhere. Compounded products are not approved or reviewed for safety, effectiveness or quality by the fda. Prescription required. See website for full details, important safety information and restrictions. Actual price depends on product and plan purchased. So Meg, some people are better at dealing with this and accepting this than others. But when it comes down to it, you know when someone's upset at you, so what? Let them be upset. It's not the end of the world just because they'll get over it, move on.

[Meg Josephson]

Absolutely. And you speak to another really great aspect of the fawn response which is, you know, especially if and I bring it back to childhood simply because I'm a therapist and that's often the lens that I'm looking through with clients so that they can be anchored in the present. But if you grew up in a home where you are managing your parents moods or you were in charge of keeping them happy, that's going that familiar protective pattern is going to carry over into adulthood where you might feel this need. If someone's in a bad mood, your immediate instincts might be oh that's my fault, I need to fix it for them. And what the fauna response is really saying is I can't be okay until I know you're okay. I can't be regulated until you're regulated. And so to be able to accept that their emotions and their reactions and their perceptions are out of your control. There's nothing you can't, no matter how perfect you are, you can't control and manage their moods. And that's such a hard truth to come to terms with. But it's a really important one as well.

[Mike Carruthers]

So the symptom that you've mentioned and other people have mentioned, the symptom for people pleasing is when people wonder or ask the question are you mad at me? They're worried that you're maddened. They're mad. But sometimes you are worried that someone's mad and it seems like a legitimate question, a legitimate fear.

[Meg Josephson]

Absolutely. Well there it's a good distinction of are you fearing that the person is mad at You. Because there is reason to. Did something happen? Great. That's. That's an opening for a conversation. But many of us who are stuck in this are you mad at me Framework, we're imagining that people are mad at us when it's not actually true, or we're fearing that people are mad at us simply because they didn't respond to our text for a few hours or because they were just in a bad mood. So we interpret that as, oh, I did something wrong. So sometimes people will be mad at us, sometimes people will misunderstand us or misjudge us. And that is certainly true. And we can have the self trust to navigate those hard conversations. And sometimes they're not mad at us, and we then need to soothe ourselves.

[Mike Carruthers]

And sometimes people are mad at us and too bad. Tough luck. I mean, that's life. Life goes on.

[Meg Josephson]

Absolutely. You know, it goes back to, you know, we can't control how people are feeling. But I think a lot of people who resonate with this question have also been conditioned to fear conflict, to avoid conflict at all costs, because they learned when someone is mad at me or there's a conflict in some form, the relationship is ruined, it's over, there's no going back from it. And so understanding that, actually a little bit of friction in healthy, safe relationships is. Is a really good thing because it means occasional friction like, oh, we're disagreeing on this thing, or we see differently about this topic. What that means is there's enough space and safety in the relationship for differing opinions to exist. And what that means is both people can be themselves, and that's actually a really healthy thing.

[Mike Carruthers]

Yeah. What you just said resonates with me that it tends to be this all or nothing thinking that you're mad at me and now the world's going to end.

[Meg Josephson]

Yeah.

[Mike Carruthers]

And it's not.

[Meg Josephson]

That's right.

[Mike Carruthers]

It's really not.

[Meg Josephson]

That's right. But it speaks to. Because our Matamy is rooted in a survival response. Survival is black or white. I'm safe or I'm not. You're good or I'm bad, or I'm bad or you're bad and I'm good. And the mind wants to just simplify and categorize things as such, but I mean, whatever is so black or white. There's often nuance to a lot of things, but that survival part wants to just know what's safe and what's not. So to be able to slow down and allow room for nuances is very healing.

[Mike Carruthers]

When you research, when you look at people who have this issue when they're people pleasers and they're worried about how other people think of them and all this. Does anybody research what the other people are thinking?

[Meg Josephson]

The other people being who?

[Mike Carruthers]

The people I think are mad at me. What are they really thinking?

[Meg Josephson]

Well, I think it certainly depends. I think across the board a good a statement I would feel confident to say is they're not thinking about us as much as we think they are. But you know, it's interesting for people that are the opposite, they're not people pleasers at all. Actually, this. Are you mad at me? People pleasing behavior can put quite a strain on the relationships because someone who's a people pleaser might seek a lot of reassurance in the relationship. Are you mad at me? Do you still love me? Do you think I look pretty in this? There's a lot of reassurance seeking, so the other person on the receiving end of it can feel quite tired and frustrated. And that's why I think it's so important to distinguish reassurance versus validation. Reassurance is about the content. Like I said, are you mad at me? Do you still love me? Do you think I'm pretty? Whereas validation is about. It's an opening into a deeper conversation. And that could sound like instead of are you mad at me? Hey, I've been feeling kind of distant from you lately. We haven't had any quality time in a while and I feel far from you and I was hoping we could talk about that. So it's an opening into understanding the other person's emotion beneath the need to ask for reassurance. And that is a much more productive and regulating technique because reassurance seeking can become quite addictive. It's relieving for a second, but then the anxiety comes right back because the anxiety itself isn't being addressed Right.

[Mike Carruthers]

So yeah, you got reassurance, but when have you reassured me? Lately?

[Meg Josephson]

Yes. And when have you. When have we talked about the emotion that's happening beneath the need to ask for reassurance? And, you know, validation might include some reassurance. No, no, I'm not mad at you. I've just been. I've been really busy at work and I've been feeling so in my head. And it's an understanding, it's opening a conversation and an understanding so that both people can see and hear each other.

[Mike Carruthers]

Well, it would seem that people pleasers who need that kind of reassurance would not be drawn to people who are reluctant to give it and that those People wouldn't be drawn to people who need the constant reassurance.

[Meg Josephson]

You know, you'd be surprised actually, because a lot of people who grew up as people pleasers, they grew up with quite critical caregivers or people that they had to work really hard to impress. Unconsciously, people pleasers can be drawn to partners that mirror that dynamic, and that's called trauma reenactment, where they are drawn to a person who's critical or emotionally distant because it feels familiar. They're like, okay, I've seen this before. I know how to act in this situation. This is familiar to me. And so that's an unconscious thing that happens. But when we can become conscious of this pattern, we can choose a different type of person that we're drawn to because we're breaking the unconscious pattern by bringing it into the conscious mind.

[Mike Carruthers]

What about some kind of first aid approach here that you can prepare yourself because it's hard to think in the moment, but there ought to be like a way that you're prepared the next time you start feeling that people pleasing inclination, what do you do?

[Meg Josephson]

Rather than feeding into the urgency that people pleasing conditions us to be in, where you know, oh, someone's mad at me, so I'm going to text them. Are we okay? Did I do something wrong? Putting the phone down? Take a second to regulate yourself or take a breath. Notice what's happening internally. Just slowing down. That process is communicating to the body, okay, I'm not in danger. There's no threat here. I'm actually safe. So let me step back and see this situation a bit more clearly so that I can respond instead of react.

[Mike Carruthers]

Well, this has been a very illuminating look at something that I think affects everybody because we're either a people pleaser ourselves or we live with someone or know someone. And it's really good to get this understanding. Meg Josephson has been my guest. She is a psychotherapist and author of the book are you mad at me? How to stop focusing on what others think and start living for you. There's a link to her book in the show notes and there's also a link to her online videos as well. Meg, thanks for being here.

[Meg Josephson]

Well, thank you, Mike. Thank you for having me. Thanks for your time. And I hope you're not mad at me.

[Mike Carruthers]

No, we're good. I know so many people who are thinking about starting a business, you know, selling stuff online, but there's a lot to consider. You need a website and a payment system and a logo and a way to advertise it can be overwhelming, but thankfully there is Shopify. Shopify has been a sponsor here for a long time and I love referring people to them. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world. 10% of all e commerce in the US from household names like Mattel and Gymshark to brands just getting started, all use Shopify for all the things you think of as obstacles. Shopify has solutions. For instance, say you can't design a website. Well, Shopify has beautiful ready to go templates that will look great with your brand. What if you need help? Shopify is all about help with tasks like enhancing product images and writing product descriptions or generating discount codes, all using Shopify's AI tools. And a big question people have is well, where do you get customers? Well, Shopify helps you find customers with easy to run email and social media campaigns. So turn those dreams into and give them the best shot of success with Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com sysk go to shopify.com sysk shopify.com sysk.

[Happy Mammoth Representative]

This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Do you ever think about switching insurance companies just to see if you could save some cash? Well, Progressive makes it easy. Just drop in some details about yourself and see if you're eligible to save money. When you bundle your home and auto policies. The process only takes minutes and it could mean hundreds more in your pocket. Visit progressive.com after this episode to see if you could save Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states.

[Mike Carruthers]

Technology has always affected language. We know that television, radio, movies, those forms of communication and entertainment have been so powerful and pervasive that they have influenced how we speak. And now the Internet and social media are influencing and altering the way we speak. How? That's what Adam Oleksik is here to explain. Adam is a linguist and content creator whose work has been mentioned in the New York Times, the Economist, and the Guardian. He's author of a book called How Social Media is Transforming the Future of Language. Hey Adam, welcome to something you should know.

[Adam Oleksik]

Hi Mike, happy to be here.

[Mike Carruthers]

So when you say algorithms and social media are transforming, changing the language, how are they changing the language?

[Adam Oleksik]

First of all, when influencers talk on short form video, they found that there are compelling ways to speak by making your voice go up at the end of every sentence or stressing more words. And these sort of like keep your attention throughout the video. And so we've seen the development of a full Influencer accent. And there are several different variations of this accent that are all sort of engineered to keep your attention online. Because at the end of the day, these social media platforms are made to reward attention because that's how they profit off of you. They, they keep your attention long enough to sell you ads. So these influencers, and I'm including myself here, we've found ways to speak in ways that get your attention. And I think a lot of words are also evolving around simply what gets attention online.

[Mike Carruthers]

So that, so this is deliberate. Like there's a handbook on this is how you speak so that we get your attention.

[Adam Oleksik]

Oh yeah, there are well known tactics and also we can look at our video retention analytics. So that's like after we post a video we will like see in the graph they give us exactly when people stop viewing, then we can go back and ask ourselves, oh, why do people stop viewing here? I guess I didn't stress this word enough or I didn't say this in a compelling enough manner. And so over time we get literally conditioned into speaking in a more viral manner. And these successful habits often replicate because there's a bit of a survivorship bias to the videos that do make it onto what's called the for you page, where the videos ultimately show up. And so the successful speaking strategies replicate. And then other people see these strategies and think, oh, that's the correct way to speak online. So it's partially conscious and partially subconscious from imitating the successful habits of other content creators.

[Mike Carruthers]

And so what's the consequence of that?

[Adam Oleksik]

It does change the way we speak offline. There are people who aren't influencers who naturally, when they speak online, are going to code switch into this different dialect. And the Internet, like there's been some studies on how it's changing our accents. The Guardian in 2020 found that British children are speaking more like American children in a YouTube accent. Meanwhile, some American children have been speaking more like Peppa Pig because that's the media they consume. So it's, it depends on the, you know what you're watching, but it will affect how you speak. And so when we see people speaking these accents, it will have downstream effects to how we relate to each other regularly.

[Mike Carruthers]

But is this any different than say when kids in the 60s or 70s or 80s, they would watch television and they would mimic the speech of the characters that they watched on their television shows?

[Adam Oleksik]

Not that different, right? I would say that one theme I try to emphasize is that the language change that's happening is not actually new. It's happening through a new medium. But the processes we've seen. We've seen words to avoid censorship before. We've seen memes and trends be popularized before. And we've seen different accents. Like in TV broadcasting, the broadcaster accent was an authoritative way to speak to viewers. And influencers just found the new iteration of that depending on the new social context in which we're speaking.

[Mike Carruthers]

So normally, historically, when language changes, when new things come into the language, there is pushback from people who don't want it. They would that. That's ruining our language. Are we seeing the pushback here as well?

[Adam Oleksik]

Absolutely. So last summer, for example, when I. When I talk about the word unalive, there was an exhibit the Seattle Museum of Pop Culture put on for the 30th anniversary of Kurt Cobain suicide. And in the exhibit, they didn't say that Kurt Cobain committed suicide or that he killed himself? No, they said that Kurt Cobain unalived himself at 27. And there was a huge backlash to this. And I don't think the backlash was because it's a euphemism, because the only ways we have to talk about death are either euphemisms or they've descended from euphemisms, because we're in this sort of cycle of making death sound more palatable. And that's. That's like what the Seattle Museum was trying to do, but there's a gigantic backlash, and on the Internet, and they had to take it down after just three days.

[Mike Carruthers]

But wait, wait, wait, wait a minute. On a lot. Why would you use the word on alive when there's nothing offensive or disturbing about saying that someone was dead? I mean, dead is. Death is part of life. And I don't get this. I don't understand unalive.

[Adam Oleksik]

Well, so the TikTok algorithm has censorship policies. It comes from. Originally, it was developed by ByteDance, which runs a Chinese app called Douyin. And they had to adhere to Chinese censorship standards. They then ported that model over to the US when they acquired the app musically in 2017. And since then, that's evolved into the infrastructure of TikTok, where some words, depending on the political needs of the platform, are suppressed. So words for like killing. That's why we have on alive the word sex. People often say the word segs online because you can't say, like, you don't want to, like, plug inappropriate things according to their app. There's a lot of political, you know, censorship. In China, for example, the word for censorship is censored. So many Internet Users started using the word which means harmony. They use that online because they can't say censorship. Right? And so harmony is in allusion to the Chinese government's goal of creating a harmonious society. But then the Chinese government starts censoring the word harmony online. And so people start saying instead, which is. It means river crab, but it just sounds similar to harmony. So we're in sort of this game of whack. A mole of, like, governments and companies trying to censor online language and then humans, because we are effervescent and we are tenacious in creating language, we always come up with new ways to express our ideas and concepts. So I don't think we're also like, a word like on alive isn't an example of Newspeak either. It's just an example of humans finding ways to express ideas that they otherwise can't.

[Mike Carruthers]

So as I understand it, TikTok is based in China, and so they have to operate under the rules of the Chinese government and the rules that the government puts on them. But here in the U.S. i didn't know that TikTok or other platforms restrict language like that.

[Adam Oleksik]

Obviously, the U.S. government doesn't censor to the extent of China. But we do have a law going back to 1996, the Telecommunications act of 1996, where they. They said that Internet providers are not responsible for the speech of their citizens, but at the same time, they can regulate the speech of those users. So that kind of gave a free pass to all these platforms to impose whatever guidelines they want on social media.

[Mike Carruthers]

Okay, so I understand then why people would use the word unalive if the word killing is not allowed on social media on TikTok. But it is such an awkward way to describe what you're trying to say, that why would you ever use it outside of that? Like, you were just talking about the Kurt Cobain thing. Why?

[Adam Oleksik]

Right, and that's part of why I think people reacted negatively against the word because it's seen as having this sort of. It kind of sounds goofy or maybe like a little bit like doublespeak. So people, like, do have that initial gut reaction that, oh, this belongs online. It doesn't belong offline. But I do want to emphasize again that all the processes we're seeing are processes we have seen before. So when I mentioned the word segs, which people say instead of sex, so they spell it s e ggs, that's really no different than in 1948, the American author Norman Mailer tried to publish his book the Naked and the Dead. And they said you used the F word way too many times. So Norman went through and he replaced every instance of the F word with the word fug with a G, which is really no different than the word segs. So it's not like an algorithm only thing that humans need to reroute language. It's just always been a thing and unalive. The way middle schoolers are using it, which they are using it in person, in classrooms. The way they're using it is no different than a euphemism. And we've had euphemisms for death like passed away or deceased, which are not that new.

[Mike Carruthers]

But as an example, fug never caught on. It was never used much and it's. I don't think it's ever used anymore.

[Adam Oleksik]

Well, exactly. I think these terms are context dependent. I don't think we're going to start saying segs offline because we can just say the other word. But. And I. Fug didn't go off the book. And that's the thing that these words have perceived contexts in which they're being used. Very rarely they do bleed through when the context kind of gets broken. And there is a phenomenon called context collapse where people don't know why something was used or what the audience was initially of a video and they reinterpret what they think it means. So there are some instances now of people using on a live offline, but most people still perceive certain words as belonging to certain contexts.

[Mike Carruthers]

Have there been any of these algorithmic words that have actually stuck and like, hey, you know, that's actually a pretty cool word and I like it better than the other one.

[Adam Oleksik]

There are so many memes every single week that are being brought forth on apps like TikTok that they've given us so many words. And if you talk to somebody who's Gen Z, we'll use words like, I don't know, side eye to look sideways at someone. That's always. It's been around since Shakespeare. But it was, it was popularized in a 2021 meme and now it's a very popular word among younger people. Or the word function to mean like party. I mean, it always meant like formal event. But like, people in college are using it as a synonym of like drunken frat rager. And that happened because social media is popularizing these words through, through memes. So there's, there's a few memes of like me when there's something at the function. And because these memes spread and are easily recombined with other words, it spread the word function to mean drunken party, and it spread the word side eye to mean suspiciously look to the side. And these are sort of more obvious, like under the radar examples. They're also the quote unquote, brain rot. Words that are like, they stick out more, they're memes. But there really are middle schoolers using the word riz to mean like charisma.

[Mike Carruthers]

Well, I kind of like that Riz, but I don't get brain rot. What's, what's the controversy? What's the. I don't get it.

[Adam Oleksik]

There's always been that perception that the Internet is somehow detrimental to our mental states. And it's accelerated. I think this, this perception in the past few years, especially with the rise and dominance of algorithmic short form media. Brain rot can mean a lot of things, right? It can mean just like, oh, you're looking at some bad slop content on social media. That's brain rot. You could say it that way. But you could also refer it to this meme aesthetic, which has been around since 2022, of like, nonsense words. Like I mentioned Riz and skibidi. These are like kind of made up words, but you know, they have their own origin. Riz does come from the word charisma, probably. And skibidi is just a verbalization of scat singing. So they have their own origins, but they're seen as silly, nonsensical words. And for that reason, we cast the associations we have of social media onto those words and we see those words as brain rot as well.

[Mike Carruthers]

Is there any sense of like, who starts this? Like, somebody had to have been the first person to use delulu instead of deluxe delusional. Who was that person? Or it's, you can't really look at that.

[Adam Oleksik]

So Delulu is probably around on K Pop, Stan, Twitter as far back as like the early 2010s, and then it was brought onto TikTok and that's when it really got popularized to a broader audience. And now I would say most Gen Z people know the word delulu and have probably used it. Another big group coming up with new slang is 4chan, which is this anonymous community on the Internet has a lot of like misogyny and trolling. But they, they have been very prolific with coming up with new language and creating infectious memes that spread across different platforms. And now I would say most Gen Z slang, the rule of thumb is if it's not from African American English.

[Mike Carruthers]

It'S probably from 4chan, where slang used to come from. And I'm not sure where slang used to come from before the Internet, but does it still come from there or has has the old way disappeared?

[Adam Oleksik]

I would say it's still following the same conduits of popularity. I mean, obviously 4chan didn't exist before the Internet, so I can't use that. But look at African American English. Right as far back as the 1880s, the word cool was a slang word only in African American English. And it was then popularized through the jazz scene, you know, Miles Davis, birth of the cool and the cool blues. So there was cool jazz, this concept, and that was popularized by black Americans. And then it was because it was seen as this countercultural thing and originally had a connotation of subversion under oppression. And then it was, it started to be used by other counter cultural groups like the beatniks and the hippies and the hipsters. And eventually cool becomes this fashion aesthetic and the high five, you know, also from African American communities. So like these basic things which we now see, like we forget where the origins come from. Yeah, a lot of them come from black Americans and we tend to borrow words when we see them as socially prestigious or when we see them as funny. And those are like two main drivers for where words come from.

[Mike Carruthers]

Well, cool's always been to me such a great word because it's never gone away. Slang often comes and goes. And there's so much slang that sounds so horribly dated today. Cool never does.

[Adam Oleksik]

Yeah, it's really hard to predict which words are definitely going to stick around. Cool has been sort of this evergreen word. And there have been other words that have come and gone to kind of refer to the same context, like hip, which also came from African American communities. But yeah, I think one factor in whether a word will stick around is how much it sticks out. So like the words that we refer to as brain rot now, probably because they stick out more, aren't going to be long term. But I do think people will keep using the words side eye and function in the same exact way because they don't stick stick out as much. But they were still popularized by the algorithm.

[Mike Carruthers]

How do emojis play into this?

[Adam Oleksik]

Emojis are words. There's like no difference and they change meaning just like words do. The standard kind of dichotomy between a boomer and a Gen Z. And I think these terms are also kind of made up, but they're useful. So a standard difference is that older boomers will use more literal emojis and Gen Z emojis are constantly evolving. So for example, since 2016, the laughing, crying emoji has become like the uncool way to express laughter. And people pivoted to use the crying emoji in Gen Z circles. So just using the crying emoji means you're laughing. But eventually that got overused and then people moved to the skull emoji, and now there's like the wilting rose emoji. And there's constantly new emojis to refer to the same concepts, and you have to be caught up on that. And there's also more of a cycle. So I don't think a lot of emojis are going to stick around because they're also tied to memes. And that's the thing, these words. And since emojis are words, emojis are tied to meme lifespans. If the meme dies out, then the word dies out.

[Mike Carruthers]

Well, it's interesting because I've always thought of emojis as something you use to reinforce your intent or make sure people understand where you're coming from. You put a smiley face to kind of lighten things up so people don't take you too seriously. But if people are using the opposite, than the whole thing's out the window.

[Adam Oleksik]

Yeah, well, there's a few uses of what emojis are, right? There's. You can use it to replace a word entirely. You can use it as sort of a punctuation mark at the end of a sentence, like you said, signaling tone. Or you can use it for some ironic or aesthetic purpose. And a lot of younger people will use emojis not quite as tone tags, which is this kind of modifying the sound of a sentence, but for an aesthetic purpose. You'll put a sparkly emoji just because you're trying to communicate a sparkly vibe to your sentence.

[Mike Carruthers]

And the people, the younger people or any people who are using these alternate words like unalive, do they know why? Do they understand the reason for it? Or it's just they think, well, okay, we'll just use that word now, because everybody else is.

[Adam Oleksik]

Obviously, it depends on the word. I think I've interviewed a lot of middle schoolers and middle school teachers about how. Because you gotta start with the middle schoolers. That's where the language change is really happening. I've interviewed a lot of these teachers and students about the word unalive, and about half of the middle school students don't know where it comes from. About half do. But some of them just learn it from their friends or just replicate it because they Saw it online. In the case of other words like African American English words like slay, bet, serve, ate, these are all common slang words that Gen Z uses right now and pretty much nobody knows where they come from. Yeah, a very small minority, I would say are aware of that.

[Mike Carruthers]

Well, it's interesting that what you said about that middle schoolers, that's where that language changes because I just wouldn't think that was true, that they would be that influential.

[Adam Oleksik]

Language is a social thing, right? When we get older and when we get more crystallized in our educational institutions, we begin to see language as this static idea of what it should be. Children particularly like adopting new words because it's a way to build their own identity and differentiate themselves from adults. So it can be like literally an identity forming thing for them to use new words in a way that it's not for adults. I don't need to adopt the word skibidi right now because I don't need to prove anything about who I am as a person. But you know, it actually might make a difference in a middle school.

[Mike Carruthers]

What I find so interesting about what you've been talking about these last few minutes is it sounds very different and very techy and it's social media and all, and yet it's very much the same. Just as television and movies and other media have affected language in the past, we now have the Internet, social media, the algorithms of social media transforming the language. It's different and yet it's also very much the same. I've been speaking with Adam Alexik. He is a linguist and author of the book Algo Speak How Social Media is Transforming the Future of Language. There's a link to his book at Amazon in the show notes. And Adam, thanks for coming by and talking about this.

[Adam Oleksik]

Well, thank you very much.

[Mike Carruthers]

As far as I can tell, there are only two ways to hang a roll of toilet paper and both ways have strong supporters. The unders believe that the end of the roll of the toilet paper should hang down in the back because it is more aesthetically leaving the bathroom with a neater, cleaner look and making it harder for your puppy or cat to unravel the roll. The overs believe inserting the roll so the end sheet hangs down in front is the proper way. Supposedly there is less risk of germs getting on the paper. It looks good and most important, it's easier to find the end piece when you need to. So who's right? Well, technically the overs are right, at least according to the inventor Seth Wheeler in his original toilet paper patent drawing submitted in 1891 shows the paper hanging over, not under, the roll. The focus and genius of the patent was actually on the tiny perforation holes that separate the sheets of paper. There's no actual written description of how the paper should hang out. There are just those drawings. But you know, if over is the way the inventor visualized it, his vote should carry some weight. And that is something you should know. This podcast has some very smart people working on it to make it sound as good as it does. Jennifer Brennan and Jeffrey Havison are our producers and Ken Williams is the Executive Producer. I'm Micah Ruthers. Thanks for listening today to something you should know.

[Meg Josephson]

Mom, Dad, I humbly suggest you save some money and shop Amazon for Back to School. It's for my growth, meaning my body's growing at an alarming rate and clothes.

[Adam Oleksik]

You buy me this year will be very small very soon.

[Meg Josephson]

Plus the clothes I love today will.

[Adam Oleksik]

Be out of style tomorrow.

[Meg Josephson]

But at least your wallet doesn't have.

[Happy Mammoth Representative]

To be my fashion victim.

[Meg Josephson]

If you shop low prices for school at Amazon. Hopefully this is helpful.

[Adam Oleksik]

Amazon Spend less, smile more. You might think you know fairy tales and you might think that they are cute and sweet and boring, but the real Grimm fairy tales were not cute at all. They were very dark and they were often very grim. On Grim Grimmer Grimmest, we tell a grim fairy tale to a bunch of kids. Perfect for car rides or screen free entertainment. Grim Grimmer Grimmest activates kids imaginations and instigates fun conversations because fairy tales speak to all of us at a very deep, primal level and they raise interesting topics and questions that are worth chewing over together as a family. Every episode is rated Grim, Grimmer or Grimmest so you, your kids, your whole family can choose. What is the right level of grim for you? Though, if you're listening with Grandma, she's just gonna go for Grimmest. Trust me on this one. Tune in to Grim, Grimmer Grimmest and our new season. Available now.