Be Funnier | Son of a Boy Dad #357

Summary

Son of a Boy Dad #357: "Be Funnier"

Date: December 4, 2025
Hosts: Harry (Lil Sasquatch), Roan (Rone), Francis
Podcast: Barstool Sports

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Episode Overview

This episode features the trio’s signature freewheeling conversation—jumping from pop culture and personal anecdotes to hot takes on everything from streaming platforms to IHOP. Central to the theme is Harry (Lil Sasquatch)'s self-deprecating journey after dropping out of college, leaning on his co-hosts for tips about adulthood and life skills. The episode’s highlight is an unexpected, heartfelt (and hilarious) gift from Francis to Harry—a signed Louis CK book with the inscription "Be Funnier," which serves as both a roast and encouragement. The guys riff off that moment into a winding, irreverent, and always-entertaining episode.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Pilates, Ass Pain, and Masculinity

• [01:23] The show launches with Harry complaining about his sore glutes from a women’s Pilates class. The crew jokes about hands-on instructor adjustments, with Francis quipping:

  “I would only allow the gay man to do [the adjustments], right? Because if you had a woman doing it, it would disrupt the sanctity of your deep Muslim faith.”
  — Francis ([02:28])

2. Random Banter: Grammar, Boats, and Swum vs. Swam

• [03:47] The trio gets lost in a debate about the correct past participle of "swim." Francis insists “swum” is grammatically correct, sparking running jokes about grammar policing.

  “If you ever try to correct my grammar again, you need to know you are in the wrong fucking classroom.”
  — Francis ([04:42])

3. Fake Reading and Distressed Guitars

• [06:32] They reminisce about pretending to be heavy readers, destroying books to look well-read (“performative male reader”).
• [07:24] A childhood friend “distresses” a guitar to seem more authentic; the guys poke fun at the lengths people go to for image.

  “He destroyed this on purpose… drove [the guitar] over with his car.”
  — Roan ([07:03])

4. Music Tangents: Ed Sheeran’s Non-Homelessness and The Beatles

• [08:43] Roan mistakenly insists Ed Sheeran (“Teddy”) was homeless, confusing him with Jewel.
• [09:49] Discussion turns to the movie Yesterday (the world forgets the Beatles except for one guy).

  “It’s a good movie but it doesn’t make sense at all.”
  — Roan ([10:30])

5. Streaming Services and the Cliffhanger Economy

• [11:36, 13:05] The group vents about the annoyance of streaming service tiers (Peacock Premium, etc.), and the tricks of cliffhangers in TV miniseries.

  “We’ve moved into a place of zero attention span… now it’s just cliffhangers, pulpy, pulpy network shows.”
  — Francis ([14:07])

• Roan tries to sell Francis on an “insane” twist in All Her Fault; Francis resists.

6. Height Gaps, Dating, and Basketball Offspring

• [20:10] The group riffs on tall men dating much shorter women, poking fun at “freakshow” celebrity couples and poking at evolutionary outcomes.

  “A two-foot height difference is worse than like a 30 year age gap.”
  — Roan ([21:08])

7. Delaware Propaganda and Adult Life Upgrades

• [38:54] Harry raves about Delaware as the future: cheap homes, no sales tax, less Ethiopian food than D.C.
• Notable factual tangent: “Delaware is the first state—screen door factories, LLCs, no sales tax.”
  — Harry/Francis ([40:02 - 40:26])

8. Autograph Gifts: The Highlight

• [24:49] Francis tells a story about bringing a book to the Comedy Cellar, having Louis CK sign it for Harry:

  “It says, ‘Harry—Be Funnier.’ Louis signed the book for you.”
  — Francis ([25:31])

• Harry is delighted (“That’s so fucking cool, that’s sick, that’s awesome!” [26:54])
• They debate the value of adult autograph collecting and man caves, leading to further classic banter:

  “Memorabilia seems a little childish… but, you know, I was an autograph hound.”
  — Francis ([30:08])

9. Secret Doors and Whiskey Walls: The Man Cave Escalation

• [31:36] Dreaming up the ultimate man cave—bookshelf secret doors, whiskey cellars, timeless decor, and the challenges of wealth-based flexes.

10. Booze: Hard Liquor Preferences and Growing Up

• [35:00] The guys dissect whiskey culture, admitting they can’t stand drinking it neat, and joke about post-college drinking life.

  “I probably have ordered a straight bourbon twice in my entire life, and both times I think I had one sip.”
  — Roan ([35:44])

11. Laundry, Household Tasks, and Fame

• [59:22] Francis, to Harry:

  “I certainly hope that my time never becomes so scarce that I can no longer do my own laundry. I love doing my laundry.”
  Harry and Roan disagree, dreaming of being rich enough to never do chores.

12. Preserving the Pod: Succession Jokes and Safety Protocols

• [61:04] The hosts joke about not flying together, saving Son of a Boy Dad’s “succession line.”

  “Us three aren’t allowed to fly together. One of us has to carry the mantle. It’s like Saving Private Ryan.”
  — Harry ([60:56])

13. Guns, Airsoft, and Jackass Stunts

• [78:00-81:00] Airsoft gun stories, distressing toy guns, Jackass stunts with riot control devices and porta-potties.

14. Pancake Memories, IHOP, and the Dark Side of 24/7 Diners

• [73:09] Harry waxes nostalgically about IHOP’s “pig in a blanket.” Roan complains about the place’s decline, recounting wild late-night scenes.

  "If you could start a food fight in IHOP, they wouldn't even notice."
  — Francis ([74:25])

• Final story: Philadelphia IHOP with an armed guard who shot someone—showing the strange realities of American diners today.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On being funnier:

  "Harry—Be Funnier."
  — Louis CK inscription via Francis ([25:31])

• On housing dreams:

  “The dream is just any secret door… you can’t give up on that dream.”
  — Roan ([31:45])

• On height in relationships:

  “A two-foot height difference is worse than like a 30 year age gap.”
  — Roan ([21:08])

• On chores and adulthood:

  “Doing your laundry... That is not a fame thing.”
  — Harry ([59:48])

• On IHOP’s lawlessness:

  “You could frisbee a Rudy Tooty Fresh and Fruity at somebody and… there’d be no recourse.”
  — Harry ([74:27])

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:23] – Sore glutes, Pilates, and masculinity jokes
• [03:47] – Grammar argument (“swum” vs. “swam”)
• [07:24] – Distressed guitars and performative cool
• [09:49] – Yesterday (Beatles movie) debate
• [11:36-15:00] – Streaming service tiers and “cliffhanger TV”
• [24:49-26:54] – The Louis CK signed book moment
• [31:36-34:07] – Secret doors and whiskey cellars
• [59:22-60:00] – Chores, laundry, and adulthood
• [73:09-76:47] – IHOP decline and late-night chaos
• [78:00-80:55] – Airsoft vs. BB guns, Jackass stunts

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Overall Tone

The episode is fast, loose, and full of self-aware, irreverent humor—embracing tangents, roasting each other, and finding comic gold in the mundane. The "be funnier" theme runs through the show, exemplified not just in the Louis CK gift but in the relentless urge to top each other with weirder stories and takes. For listeners, this is classic Son of a Boy Dad: absurd, insightful, and always funny.

Transcript

[Harry]

Hey, son of a boy. Dad. Listeners, you can find every episode on Apple podcasts, Spotify or YouTube Prime. Members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. I'm not going back to college to be your friend.

[Francis]

I'm going so I can get Uber one for students. It saves you on Uber and Uber eats. I'm there for $0 delivery fee on.

[Harry]

Cheeseburgers, up to 10% off smoothies and 6% Uber credits back on rides. Just to be clear, I'm there for savings, not whatever you think college is for.

[Roan]

Get Uber for students a membership to.

[Harry]

Save on Uber and Uber eats. With deals this good, everyone wants to be a student.

[Roan]

Join for just $4.99 a month.

[Harry]

Savings may vary. Eligibility and member terms apply.

[Francis]

Golf season is in full swing and getting out there to work on your.

[Roan]

Game is bound to make any day even better.

[Francis]

And if you're looking to improve your drive, Chevy Equinox EV is the smartest.

[Roan]

Choice you can make. Bold athletic styling, a commanding presence, award.

[Francis]

Winning tech, and an impressive range, all with an affordable msrp, Chevy Equinox EV.

[Roan]

Will put a smile on your face.

[Harry]

No matter how your scorecard shakes out.

[Roan]

Testing, 1, 2, 3.

[Harry]

Check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check.

All right, ready?

[Roan]

All righty. Welcome back to the Son of a Boy dad podcast. Today it is December 2nd. It's 12:20pm and my ass hurts. And Roan's got a hurting ass.

[Harry]

It's the size. The sides and the cheeks are really what hurts?

[Roan]

The size and the cheeks.

[Harry]

The sides, not the size.

[Roan]

The size of your ass is hurting you.

[Harry]

That's not true. It's the sides. From a women's workout class that I went to this morning.

[Roan]

Pilates.

[Harry]

I'm back on women's workout.

[Roan]

Solid core.

[Harry]

Oh, my God, my ass screaming, yeah, yeah, yeah. It has my ass in fucking hell right now. I should have hit a fucking longer stretch afterwards or something.

[Francis]

The guy.

[Harry]

What do you say, Francis, when you go to a solid core and you're like. They're like, can. Can we do hands on adjustments?

[Francis]

I do not go to solid core because I went once and it was so hard that I'll never go again.

[Harry]

Would you say yes to hands on adjustments? And what if it was a gay man? And would you be like, no, I don't want hands on adjustments. I'm homophobic.

[Roan]

I would just be like, no, I'm good.

[Harry]

I'm all set.

[Francis]

I would only allow the gay man.

[Harry]

To do it right, because if you had a woman doing it, it would disrupt the sanctity of your deep Muslim faith.

[Francis]

Yeah, that and she'd probably somehow crash a car parking parallel and.

[Harry]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or try to grope you or become an esthetician or something like that.

[Roan]

But you don't want to get. Yeah, you don't want to get groped.

[Harry]

Yeah, that's.

[Francis]

No.

[Harry]

Yeah. They can't help themselves. No girls.

[Roan]

It's disgusting.

[Harry]

They're always trying to. They're. Honestly.

[Francis]

Are you kidding me? What is happening?

[Roan]

You're banging it up.

[Harry]

Why did it jump up like that?

Is that spring loaded?

[Francis]

Your guys's are made of like a.

[Roan]

Solid piece of steel. I've just figured out how to work mine.

[Francis]

Mine's made of cobwebs.

[Roan]

You got to learn your stand.

[Harry]

You got to jimmy rig it.

[Roan]

Yeah. You got to start getting here a little early, honestly, and start working out the kinks in it.

[Francis]

Feels like that bridge in Baltimore.

[Roan]

The one that got hit by the boat.

[Harry]

Yeah, that crumbled. Did anyone perish in that bridge?

[Roan]

No, but they were. Or actually, I don't know. There definitely could have been. I don't know why I immediately said no, but I know they were stuck on that boat for like a long ass time, weren't they?

[Harry]

Yeah. That's what poop cruise was about.

[Roan]

Now poop cruise was before that.

[Harry]

Pretty sure that's poop cruise. Just in the Baltimore harbor. No, I think it was that boat in the Baltimore harbor.

[Roan]

Was it?

[Harry]

And they were all just shitting.

[Francis]

I know.

[Roan]

Is that they were on that boat for like a month, I think.

[Francis]

No, that's. Come on now.

[Roan]

They were like. They weren't supposed to be. They weren't like allowed to get out in Baltimore.

[Francis]

Every single one of them could have swum to shore.

[Roan]

Swam.

[Francis]

I'm not sure.

[Roan]

It's definitely not swum.

[Francis]

You're probably right. I thought about it for a second.

[Roan]

Swum. I've never even heard that. I like it though.

[Francis]

Have swam or have swam?

[Harry]

Swum.

[Francis]

You should use have swum.

[Harry]

Really?

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Roan]

That's great.

[Francis]

Look at you.

[Roan]

You learn something new every day.

[Francis]

If you ever try to correct my grammar again.

[Roan]

Swam is crazy.

[Francis]

You will need to know that you are in the wrong fucking classroom. Swam, that is. Of all the things that you.

[Roan]

I'm just saying. I never have heard the word swamp until right now.

[Francis]

It's weird, but I'm.

[Roan]

I understand.

[Francis]

It's weird.

[Roan]

Yeah. I'm gonna start saying it. People aren't gonna understand.

[Francis]

I'm gonna let you off the hook for that. But don't you ever fucking do that.

[Roan]

Again, I'm more like on under the idea of using the words that make them make sense in the moment.

[Francis]

I've come to learn. I've come to learn that I was wrong about Lexus. By the way, Lexus is apparently the nicest car. Nicest car on the market.

[Harry]

That can't be true. Okay, it can be the nicest car on the market.

[Francis]

It is. It's Lamborghini, Ferrari and Lexus.

And maybe even like Aston Martin as a tier below that.

[Roan]

We might have like 50% of our viewers might be Lexus drivers.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

I didn't realize I was so at home. Yeah, yeah, that was among my brothers. Yeah, my Lexus driving brothers. But God damn, bro, you could have said some racially insensitive stuff and had less people angry.

[Roan]

I'm never fewer.

[Harry]

Excuse me?

[Francis]

Fewer people. Nice, nice, nice. Loss. Good.

[Roan]

Have. Had lost people angry at you.

Loss.

[Harry]

What made you think that you were about to grammar him? Are you good at grammar?

[Roan]

No, it's just going off of sound. Swum is insane.

[Francis]

When was the last time you read a book?

[Roan]

I always am starting books.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Roan]

Just never finishing them.

[Francis]

Well, what was the most recent book you started?

[Roan]

Let me think.

[Harry]

You know, Harry used to be a performative male, like, reader.

[Roan]

No, that was just you. The only person I was performing for was you.

[Francis]

You kept a book in your back pocket?

[Roan]

No, I would just read.

[Francis]

Stressed it before you brought it out.

[Roan]

No, no, but, you know, ran your.

[Francis]

Thumb through the pages a bunch of times.

[Roan]

But we used to catch Bo doing like that constantly.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Roan]

Beating it up, throwing it in the Washington up intentionally. And it was like we had some, like, rough conversations about it where we had to be like, dude, we know you. You destroyed this on purpose.

[Harry]

You didn't read the end of the book first.

[Roan]

Yeah, exactly. There's no way, like, he had, like, a Zippo lighter. I'm pretty sure he, like, drove over it in his car a couple times.

[Francis]

Brought a pair of jeans to a kennel, threw it over the fence to the.

[Harry]

My jeans real quick.

[Roan]

The bad area, the big one was the guitar.

Yeah, he had a. He had a guitar.

[Francis]

The part below the strings.

[Roan]

Exactly.

[Harry]

He made the wood all cheese grater on the guitar.

[Roan]

Y. But the funniest part was that he did it, like, way in a place where it wouldn't have been. So it was like off center to the, like. It was like. Like, if you were strumming the guitar, it would have been like, down here.

[Francis]

Yeah, right.

[Roan]

And we were like, where would you. Where are you even hitting that. And try to show us. And he was, like, going like that. Like, dude, you clearly just did this. And he told us that he did it with, like, a quarter, just, like, dug into the. Into the guitar.

[Francis]

That is really bad.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

From my friend Bo. We were.

[Roan]

We were pretty young. We were probably in, like, 8th gr. Grade.

[Harry]

Yeah, but why did he want to seem like Robert Johnson in eighth grade? Like, why you can't you just have a new guitar?

[Roan]

I don't know. He wanted it to be beat up.

[Harry]

Remember when Teddy used to have a. Like, a sticker on his guitar?

[Roan]

Who's Teddy?

[Harry]

Ed Sheeran.

Used to have, like, a Clemson tiger sticker on his guitar. Really? It's all, like, beat up. Like. Like an orange paw on his guitar. And it was, like, beat to. You could tell he took it everywhere. But then, most recent Netflix special. It's all beautiful, nice guitars. Like, he's not. He doesn't feel like he has to perform to the level of having this distressed guitar.

[Roan]

Well, he was homeless, right? Was he, Ed Sheeran?

[Francis]

No.

[Roan]

Yeah, Teddy. Yeah, he was homeless.

[Harry]

I don't think so. I think you're thinking of his song where he sings about the girl who's homeless.

[Roan]

I thought he was fully, like, on the streets.

[Harry]

You're thinking of jewelry.

[Roan]

No, I think I'm thinking of Teddy.

[Harry]

No way.

[Francis]

My house is small. I know.

[Roan]

Cardboard.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Roan]

Is that him?

[Harry]

No, that's Jewel.

That's Jewel, bro. The Alaskan yodeler.

[Roan]

Yeah. I don't know. I'm not sure if I'm familiar with Jewel, brother.

[Harry]

You're. Yeah, you're missing out on Jewel. But you're conflating her. Her life story with Teddy's. Teddy was never homeless.

[Roan]

He was definitely homeless. I think that was, like, his big thing.

[Harry]

No, he had that song where he's like, they say this guy was just.

[Roan]

Living out on the street.

[Harry]

No, that was Taylor Swift.

[Roan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Harry]

Same era that you're thinking of. His Netflix special is great, though. Teddy's.

[Roan]

He is a Netflix special.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Roan]

What is it? What is it about?

[Harry]

He's just on stage. He, like, talks about, like, family life. Like, what it's like being single. Some solid jokes in there.

[Roan]

You guys ever see that movie, the Beatles movie, where the dude, like, everyone forgets the Beatles except for one guy.

[Francis]

Yeah. Yeah, I did watch that. I liked it.

[Roan]

It's honestly not bad.

[Francis]

I'm glad you. I was gonna say it might be.

[Roan]

One of the dumbest plots of a movie, but, boy, imaginable.

[Francis]

The music is so good, and the lead Actor. That Indian guy is so good at singing and playing them.

[Roan]

Yeah. Isn't it?

[Francis]

Yeah. That's the sing off they do.

[Roan]

No, it's like.

[Francis]

And then he plays the Long and Winding Road and he goes, nope, that's it. I knew. I knew one day someone would beat me. And he's done it. That's the best song I've ever heard. And he walks out. I'd be. I've probably seen that scene like 10 times.

[Harry]

I love it.

[Roan]

Yeah, it's. It's. It's like a good. It's a good movie, but it doesn't make sense at all.

[Francis]

No, but who cares?

[Roan]

Like, is it Beatles movie?

[Harry]

Is it across the universe? Is that it?

[Roan]

No, no, that's the actual Beatles movie.

[Francis]

Yes.

[Roan]

Yesterday.

[Harry]

That's so dumb.

[Roan]

Yeah. It's like. It's like only like four people on earth know the Beatles.

[Francis]

I would. I would recommend this movie.

[Roan]

I don't know if I would recommend. If you're going to be on a plane. If you're flying San Francisco, I have.

[Harry]

At least two movies in me on this flight.

[Roan]

You got.

[Harry]

Is it going to be on there?

[Roan]

Four movies in you?

[Harry]

We'll watch the first season of the Wire.

[Roan]

It's definitely on the plane.

[Harry]

Yeah. Yesterday.

[Roan]

I had to guess. I would assume it is on the. It is on the plane. It's on every single plane.

[Harry]

I would love that.

[Francis]

Yeah, probably is.

[Harry]

I would love to watch Yesterday.

[Francis]

Is it.

[Harry]

I mean, if it's. If it's like sufficiently dumb.

[Roan]

It's like, dumb, but it's also, like, entertaining.

[Francis]

The music is just so good.

[Roan]

And the music's good.

[Francis]

It's really worth that part of it.

[Harry]

I'm this close to getting Disney plus just so I can watch that Beatles documentary where they write the songs, where they're just, like, sitting around like, we should come up with a song.

[Roan]

I've heard.

[Francis]

It's great. Okay. I downloaded Peacock Premium to watch the show. To watch the show. You recommended all her faults.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

First of all, I paid up for Peacock Premium. It doesn't get rid of ads.

[Roan]

You got to get premium. Premium.

Premium.

[Francis]

Fucking extra.

[Roan]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Francis]

And it's like an annual plan just to have no ads. I couldn't believe that.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Why would I have paid? Of course, the only reason I would ever do premium is to not have ads.

[Roan]

Well, I guess premium just unlocks the shows.

[Francis]

You don't even get the shows if you. If you just do the regular.

[Roan]

I don't think there is a regular. I think premium is regular. And then premium Premium is.

[Francis]

No, dude, There was a tier lower than the premium.

[Roan]

I only had two options. I just did this yesterday.

[Harry]

I think the bottom tier is you just get to watch the commercials. So you don't get to see the show at all, but you can, like, watch the commercials for free.

[Francis]

Wait a minute. Harry, you said you did this two days ago.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

So you watched the entire show in one day?

[Roan]

No, I. Because I was watching it at my parents house before.

[Francis]

Oh, I see. Okay, Harry, that show is not good.

[Roan]

Oh, you're missing out in so many ways.

[Francis]

It's a bad show.

[Roan]

It's not, I swear.

[Francis]

It's.

[Roan]

I finished it last night.

[Francis]

Trash.

[Roan]

The last three episodes are insane, bro.

[Francis]

I couldn't even make it through the full first episode. It's made poorly.

[Roan]

I don't agree.

[Francis]

It's. It's a network TV show.

[Roan]

Well, I mean, it's a miniseries. It's like a thriller. It's like they're all a little soapy.

[Francis]

It's soapy. Yeah, exactly. It's pulpy. It's pulpy.

[Roan]

They're all a little like that, though.

[Francis]

Not really. HBO doesn't do it that way.

[Roan]

Task.

[Francis]

Task is not as pulpy as this one is. This show is set up for commercial interruption.

[Roan]

Big time.

[Francis]

It's like, ooh, cliffhanger. All right, now, Fabrizio, I like that.

[Roan]

Because they have multiple cliffhangers throughout the episode.

[Francis]

Oh, come on, man.

[Roan]

We've Rather than. If you watch like a Defending Jacob, you're getting one cliffhanger an episode and it's the last second of the episode.

[Francis]

What's Defending Jacob like that other show.

[Roan]

Or what was the apple one?

[Harry]

Severance Jake.

[Roan]

With Jake Gyllenhaal.

[Francis]

Guilty. Not guilty. No, that's guilty until proven innocent. A presumed innocent.

[Roan]

Innocent.

[Francis]

That's it. Like that show that was pretty pulpy.

[Roan]

But that's like. There's just one bang at the end.

[Francis]

I know, but I. I don't know, man.

[Roan]

You stick with it.

[Francis]

I can't.

[Roan]

You got these.

[Francis]

Pulp.

[Roan]

It's only eight episodes anymore.

[Francis]

We've moved into a place of zero attention span.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Combined with streaming and premium networks that do not do commercials such that they're not beholden to holding your attention while we bring you messaging from our local partners.

[Roan]

You got it. First of all, you got to go premium. Premium. Get rid of those commercials.

[Francis]

I'm not paying 170 fucking dollars for this one fucking show.

[Roan]

$1.

[Francis]

That's what I saw. What, for the year?

[Harry]

16 bucks a month.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Roan]

And then cancel it.

[Francis]

I Didn't see a. I didn't see that option. I thought I had to.

[Roan]

I definitely didn't spend 170 bucks.

[Francis]

I'm looking it up right now.

[Harry]

You spent 1612 times, which is more than 170.

[Roan]

I could cancel it today. I'm never.

[Harry]

But you're not going to. That's, like, what they're. I mean, unless you use money, brother.

[Roan]

I've already been down this road. I had Peacock.

To watch the Office.

[Harry]

And then I canceled it for that.

[Roan]

Yeah, and then I'm gonna have to get it again for Christmas to watch the fucking NFL games.

[Harry]

That's brutal.

[Roan]

You will as well.

[Harry]

I'm figuring I have all of them. I pay for everything. I drive a Lexus. I don't know what you don't fucking get, dude. I'm gonna have every. And the only one I don't have is Disney, and I'm about to get that. So I could watch Toy Story 8.

[Francis]

And.

[Harry]

Across the universe.

[Francis]

All I'll say is currently on Premium, and I'm on Premium monthly. And okay, there is.

[Roan]

Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm just. It's a. It's a fresh wound, so I'm coming right off of it. But I finished the show last night.

[Francis]

You're right. I think. I think I can do Apple TV and Peacock. Premium plus for 20 bucks a month.

[Roan]

You should be able to just do peacock.

For 1699amonth.

[Harry]

Yeah, but if you.

[Francis]

Oh, premium. Premium plus monthly. You're right. 17 bucks. I thought I only saw that you could do it annually, which made no.

[Harry]

Sense to me, but you did it annually.

[Francis]

No, I didn't. I didn't. I did just Premium for the month with the plan to do exactly that. Cancel it as soon as I finish the show. And then I couldn't even finish the first episode.

[Roan]

You got to stick with it.

[Francis]

Really?

[Roan]

Yes. This is a show people will be talking about.

[Francis]

I mean, I know that they are, and you weren't the only person to recommend.

[Roan]

I'm telling you, I don't even care about the first five episodes. The last three episodes are insane.

[Francis]

It just.

[Roan]

I've seen in the show in years.

[Francis]

It seems like one of those things where they're just adding more and more layers to keep the show going.

[Roan]

It's kind of like it definitely didn't.

[Francis]

Need to be eight episodes where they're like, okay. Ooh, but. Yeah, but where did he go missing? Well, remember his. His nanny was an immigrant, and then, like, we gotta hear whole. Her whole story.

[Roan]

I don't like, when they do that. I don't like when they do the whole. Immigrants see this perspective for an hour.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Roan]

I was like, well, we're not learning anything new.

[Francis]

No.

[Roan]

But that being said, insane ending.

[Harry]

It must be so nice to craft a cliffhanger.

[Roan]

Oh, yeah.

[Harry]

Have you guys ever crafted a cliffhanger?

[Roan]

No.

[Harry]

Must be so satisfying to, like, have it get to a point where it's like, oh, it could be this, it could be that. Yeah.

[Roan]

Yeah. You think they even know? Or you think they're just going episode.

[Harry]

By episode, Just seated their pants?

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

I mean. Yeah, they have to know. They have to know.

[Roan]

Are you watching it?

[Harry]

No, I'm not gonna watch.

[Francis]

Don't watch.

[Roan]

You'll watch it. You'll watch it. You'll both end up watching in, like, two years, and you'll be like, have you guys ever seen this show? What is it called?

[Francis]

All Her Fault? This is a now or never type thing.

[Roan]

It's not.

[Francis]

This is.

[Roan]

This is like, mayor of Easttown.

[Francis]

It's no. There's no way it's that good.

[Roan]

I'm telling you.

[Francis]

All right, fine. You know what? I'll try again.

[Roan]

But I will say, if you didn't like the first episode, maybe it's time to. Maybe you just shut it off because.

[Harry]

Well, that's what he's saying.

[Francis]

Well, that is literally what I'm saying, because, like, there's.

[Roan]

In my. In my opinion, the way it works was, like, the first three episodes were. Or I guess there's what. There's eight episod. The first three were solid. The middle two were pretty boring. And then the. The last three were really good, but they're also. Even in one of those last three, there's one that's kind of like. Probably could have gone without it.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Why don't you just jump ahead to the last episode? I mean, and then cancel the.

[Roan]

You won't understand. You won't understand. You haven't even been introduced to all the characters.

[Francis]

Right.

[Roan]

Most of the characters.

[Francis]

Right.

[Roan]

The important ones.

[Harry]

Just read the Wikipedia, bro.

[Roan]

True.

[Francis]

The one thing that I did like is that this. The show starts immediately.

[Roan]

I loved that.

[Francis]

That was right to the action. There was no exposition, no setup, nothing needed. She's. The kid's gone. The second that the show starts.

[Harry]

Well, that is annoying. When you, like, see the preview of a show and you find out in the preview that the kid's missing, and then for 20 minutes, you're like, let's get.

[Roan]

It starts out there at, like, they're. They're eating Breakfast with OJ and yeah, the kids. Yeah, yeah. This starts out, she opens the door, where's my son? Yeah, bang that and we're in.

[Harry]

How about you guys? Ever watch Heroes?

[Roan]

I don't think so, no, I never.

[Francis]

Really did, but I remember it. There was a blonde actress on that show who was really cute and she married fucking Vladimir Klitschko.

[Roan]

I don't know if I know who that is that you're going to say.

[Harry]

The boxer.

[Francis]

Yeah. Really? And all I could ever think was, my God, he must Hayden Panettieri, absolutely impale her.

[Harry]

Is that who it is? Hayden Panettieri?

[Francis]

She is 7 foot 100 and she is tiny.

[Harry]

She's 4 foot 9, isn't she?

[Francis]

Yes, it's Hayden Panettieri. Yeah.

[Harry]

She makes Sabrina Carpenter look like Taylor Swift.

[Roan]

Yeah, that's a freak show.

[Francis]

Have you ever seen them together?

[Roan]

No, I don't.

[Francis]

By the way, I'm pretty sure he's like now the mayor of Kiev or some shit and is always on the front lines fighting for Ukraine, which by the way, that's got to inspire some confidence that your general is the fucking heavyweight former heavyweight champion of the world.

[Roan]

I guess. Yeah.

[Francis]

Imagine being some Russian boot.

[Roan]

Yeah, it's tough.

[Francis]

Some grunt running down a side alley with your in your gun jams and you see Vladimir Klitschko come lumbering towards.

[Roan]

You, snaps the gun over his knee.

[Harry]

Yeah, that's like Rambo. Yeah, that's a fucking Arnold Schwarzenegger movie.

[Roan]

Yeah, I don't, I don't fuck with the like whole like this person, 7:2 and his wife is 5:1.

[Harry]

That's like an age gap for me. Yeah, it's like, okay, you're a pervert.

[Roan]

It's like, yeah, it's child. You're fucking a child.

[Francis]

But they may not have an option.

[Roan]

They have options.

[Francis]

You're saying, Would you say that anyone who's you know, that tall should take one of the really tall women?

[Roan]

Yeah, yeah, I don't think, I think there's no need.

[Francis]

But the rest of us can't take.

[Harry]

Is hilarious because take is.

[Francis]

I don't think. I think it was shameful to be at a gala when they're wearing heels and towering over us.

[Roan]

I think a 2 foot height difference is worse than like a 30 year age gap.

[Harry]

Yeah, for sure.

[Roan]

Yeah. Like I'd rather Leonardo DiCaprio only date 18 year old girls than start dating. Than like if he was 7ft tall and he was dating someone that was.

[Harry]

4 9, like Shaq, that picture of Sha with that Little girl.

[Francis]

Dude, there's on these dating apps, a lot of the tall women and there are so many of them are always like in their bio. They're like, by the way, 5:11. If that's a problem, it's like, yeah, that's a fucking problem.

I'm so sorry, but.

Not looking to like put my arm around you above me.

How do we. Like what?

[Harry]

What? Like you're tired at a basketball game.

[Francis]

Not looking to have you help me off the court.

[Roan]

Jordan getting carried off.

[Francis]

God help our five year old who's already nine feet tall. Just, you know, some gangly kid being mocked, trying to tug his knees in.

[Roan]

I would rather. But like if you're like a seven foot dude, like that's. You should be dating someone.

[Francis]

That's what I just said. I'm wondering if they are.

[Harry]

Well, it's like, go make a pro. You know, go put someone in the league if they're, if you're both, you know, gangled out.

[Roan]

But where.

[Francis]

Where is pun intended? The ceiling.

[Roan]

It doesn't.

[Francis]

If you start mating seven foot men with six foot five women, at some point, the world is not built for their offspring. And evolution will continue to soar these people up to the ceilings. And then we'll have eight footers in the NBA and then nine footers. And then what? We raise the rims.

[Harry]

Yes.

[Francis]

Make planes taller. How are you going to fit more seats on those planes? We're already having a hard time.

[Roan]

You're going to do standing room now. Have you seen that?

[Harry]

That's the most you're. I can't believe you're falling for some AI like that.

[Roan]

Yeah, you're not, you're not, you're not in with the standing room.

[Harry]

I mean, I saw it when it was pitched two years ago. Just being strapped in by your thighs.

[Roan]

Standing all the way to San Fran.

[Harry]

Some buckles around your upper thigh like.

[Roan]

Your Laura Croft flight, just in a harness.

[Harry]

You ready for your slop? They just come by with like a aerosol can of food and spray it into your mouth.

[Francis]

Just a bucket of leaves at the top of a rake. Here you go. Here you go. Dig in, old boy.

[Harry]

I think that we're just going to get taller as a human race, though. I think that when you go back to the. Any archeological dig site that's been moved to a Washington D.C. or New York museum and you're going through the doorways and it's like a. You're shrinking down, you're like, oh, this is what it was like. Jesus's time when they were all dwarves. I mean, it honestly makes me respect Jesus less that his ass was like. He was probably Sabrina Carpenter height. You think Jesus was probably like 5:1?

[Roan]

I don't know.

[Harry]

Jesus was probably like the aliens that za saw getting off.

[Roan]

You ever hear about at the playground in Zimbabwe?

[Harry]

Like little, like four foot tall, like Michael Jackson looking creatures.

[Francis]

Okay, well, I just want to say really quick, so on Sunday, I was at the Comedy Cellar for the brunch show, and there were some pretty cool people there, and I had brought something with me that they asked me about. And then it turned out that, well, I don't even know how I want to tell this story. Basically, I brought a book with me, and it's a really cool book that I had just started reading and.

Someone told me that the person who wrote the book would be coming in later that day for the night shows dropping in. And I said, well, is there any.

[Roan]

Way that you read Louis CK's new book?

[Francis]

Is there any way that you could get him to sign it for a friend of mine? And they said, no problem. And then I went and picked it up again last night, and I have a gift for you.

[Roan]

Oh, it is Louis C.K. s new book.

[Harry]

No fucking way.

[Francis]

Open the front cover.

[Roan]

That's crazy.

That's hilarious.

[Francis]

What does it say?

[Roan]

It says Harry. Be funnier.

[Francis]

He signed it. What?

[Roan]

That's awesome.

[Francis]

Louis signed the book for it.

[Roan]

That's s. Thank you.

[Francis]

Are you happy?

[Roan]

Yeah, it's awesome.

[Francis]

I think this is the coolest thing I've ever done for you. How fucking great is that?

[Harry]

Be funny.

Be funnier is hilarious.

[Roan]

Yeah. That's pretty sick.

[Francis]

How good is that?

[Roan]

That's sick.

[Francis]

Come on, Come on.

[Roan]

No, I appreciate it.

[Francis]

Merry Christmas. Happy Hanukkah. That's your present.

[Roan]

Thank you.

[Harry]

What?

[Francis]

That's pretty good.

[Harry]

Oh, my God. So you had just got this book.

[Francis]

I had bought the book and I was only like 30 or 40 pages in, so it's not totally crisp, and I apologize for that, but all good. That's your copy. I'm just gonna get a new copy myself.

[Roan]

Thank you.

[Francis]

I think you'll like this book, to be honest with you.

[Roan]

I was gonna read it.

[Francis]

It's very much like.

What do they call those stories, like, when there's a youth that is, like, coming of age. Coming of age. And it's a travel, like, you know, road story.

[Roan]

That's what I like.

[Francis]

A journey of a young person. So, yeah, there you go.

[Roan]

Should have gotten Robert De Niro's just squeezed in. Take care of that.

[Francis]

You could tape his note below that. And now you got the double whammy. Pretty good year for you. For autographs.

[Roan]

For autographs. Yeah.

[Harry]

So fucking cool.

[Roan]

Yeah. That's sick. That's awesome.

[Francis]

I worked hard. I worked hard, and things had to really align for that to happen.

[Roan]

How did you get it?

[Francis]

I went and picked it up last night. That was why yesterday in the pod, I was like, I have something, I think.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Because I wasn't 100% sure yet. If they had had it done.

[Roan]

How. Who did you give it to?

[Francis]

Estee.

[Roan]

Damn.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Roan]

That's great.

[Harry]

That's an inspiration. That's such a nice favor that Essie did.

[Roan]

Did you tell him what to write?

[Francis]

No, I didn't. I just. I told him it was for a comedian friend of mine, so they.

They must have told him that you were a comic.

[Roan]

Yeah. Be Funnier is very funny.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Roan]

That's just classic Louie.

[Francis]

It's classic Louie. Yeah.

[Harry]

Economy of language, two words. The whole joke's in there.

[Roan]

Exactly.

[Harry]

He gets you, you get him now.

[Roan]

That's awesome. Thank you.

[Francis]

I'm happy. I'm happy. Yeah.

[Harry]

That's such a good present.

[Francis]

That's a good present.

[Harry]

What the fuck?

[Roan]

Well, now I gotta start. I gotta start planning out something.

[Harry]

What are you gonna plan out?

[Roan]

I'm gonna get a signed copy of Dave's book for you.

[Francis]

Too.

[Harry]

Oh, my God, that's so fucking good.

[Roan]

Oh, man.

[Harry]

Wow. Where do you even go from such a nice gift like that?

[Roan]

I don't know. It's gonna be tough.

[Harry]

How are you gonna display that?

[Roan]

I don't know. I guess I'll probably just put it on my desk.

[Francis]

You don't have to display it. Just know that you have that. And now you do really have something where. If. When people say, if your house were burning down, what's the one thing you would grab? I think, like, well, he already had something like that.

[Roan]

Oh, the De Niro.

[Francis]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You need to grab.

[Roan]

Made a great rolling paper a couple months ago.

[Francis]

That's Harry's first admission of being a pothead. I'm so happy to hear that. Good for you.

[Roan]

Cigarettes.

[Francis]

Embracing it.

[Roan]

I was smoking tobacco out of it.

[Francis]

Smoking.

[Harry]

I'm going to. I'm going to destroy your gift. You keep spitting in the face of mine. You have, like, two weeks to show gratitude, or else I'm going to come to your house and rip apart this Louis CK autograph.

[Roan]

I don't know what I have to get. I don't know what to get you guys.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Roan]

What could it possibly be Something.

[Francis]

Holy shit.

[Roan]

Because I don't really think I'd have, like, any, like, autographs that I could obtain.

[Francis]

You don't need to do autographs. Don't do that.

[Roan]

It kind of seems like that's the way we're going. The route we're taking.

[Harry]

I think it's more. You get autographs.

[Francis]

Yeah, yeah. You're. That's what we always do.

[Roan]

I design something for you guys if you want me to.

[Francis]

Your autograph.

[Roan]

Little investment. It's like putting some money in a 401k.

[Harry]

It is not.

It is decidedly not. And I also. I don't know where I would like display an autograph.

[Roan]

Your autograph room?

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

I don't know. I'm kind of past the point of like.

[Roan]

You don't display things?

[Harry]

Memorabilia or anything? Yeah, I'm not a big displayer.

[Francis]

Doesn't memorabilia seem a little childish?

[Harry]

Adult autograph seeking?

[Roan]

I'm not really sure. Memorabilia.

[Francis]

I do too. And it has a real dear place in my heart from my youth. We talked about this. I was an autograph hound, of course, but in fact, I took growth. Sort of. What is it? Blockers.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

To stay younger, longer.

[Roan]

So that started lifting weights when you were 10 to stunt your growth?

[Francis]

Stunted my growth. Took Botox at 13.

You know, but now when you. I don't know. I don't know exactly what I would need to be like, wow, that actually adds value to the decor of my room. And anyone who saw this would think it was cool.

[Harry]

Well, I mean, none of us are in man cave.

[Francis]

You need a man cave and a pool table.

[Harry]

Have you seen the discourse about man caves recently? Like, man caves are really just like. You're ensuring a safe place for your son to have like, their first sexual experience. Like, you're really just like making like a comfortable room for like, your kid to like, fucking.

[Francis]

Tell you what, my kid loses his virginity on my pool table. I'm going to fudgeing lose my mind.

[Harry]

Yeah, that's the refill.

[Francis]

Re. Level it.

[Harry]

I mean, I don't think your kid is spraying willy nilly. I don't think your kid's shooting the club up on your.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Yeah, your pool table.

[Roan]

I mean, if I had a man cave, no one's fucking in it.

[Harry]

Not even you.

[Roan]

Not even me.

[Francis]

No.

[Roan]

I think.

[Francis]

Safe place.

[Harry]

Isn't it the dream to have like a secret bookshelf to a man?

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Sweet.

[Roan]

The dream is to just have any sort of secret door.

[Harry]

Secret door is so the dream.

[Francis]

And two piano keys.

[Roan]

Yeah, yeah. Like pulling a Batman back.

[Harry]

It's nice that none of us have given up that dream. Like, we give up the dream of having a signed Larry Fitzgerald jersey or something like that, but nobody gives up the dream of having a bookshelf that leads down to a whiskey cellar or something like that.

[Francis]

Yeah, yeah.

[Harry]

That's nice. But how do you even, how do you even get that money?

[Roan]

A lot of money.

[Francis]

You gotta have a lot of money.

[Harry]

What kind of carpenter do you talk, what kind of interior designer do you think?

[Francis]

I think that does, starts with your contractor, your architect.

[Roan]

How do you think you pitch that, though? It's got to be tough.

[Harry]

Yeah. Because people are going to be like, yeah.

[Roan]

So I'm thinking for the basement, we want some sort of hatch or secret drop door.

[Francis]

Are you familiar with Batman?

[Roan]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Harry]

And like, they know that if you're doing that, you have some level of like, you don't care what you spend.

[Roan]

God.

[Harry]

So they're probably jacking up the price on you.

[Francis]

There's not really a going rate for.

[Harry]

A hidden stairway draw book.

[Francis]

Book drawn revealing doors. You can't compare prices.

[Roan]

No, no quote for that.

[Harry]

These bookshelves are the type that you would need though. And it is a bit of a timeless look. But you can't have it be too, like, you know, to prisoner of the moment design either. Like, like you're going to want to redo the room. You need to look timeless and manly.

[Roan]

Yeah. I think books are the best option because then you could also, if you don't like the books, you can always swap it out with, you know, just anything really. It's just shelves.

[Francis]

A buddy of mine who, he, he's gotten really into collecting very rare bourbons and whiskeys and he buys them at auction. This guy.

[Roan]

Does he drink them or does he just.

[Francis]

Yeah, he does. Well, he, he drinks the, I mean, like the $2,000 bottles. There are some that are, you know.

30 grand.

[Roan]

Oh, wow.

[Francis]

That he does not touch.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

And they're all displayed and he has a hidden whiskey wall and he presses a button and two sliding doors open up and then it's illuminated and it's pretty cool.

[Roan]

That's pretty sick.

[Francis]

And I've had, I'll say that I, I, I drink it with them because I know it's incredibly high end.

[Harry]

Can't tell the difference.

[Francis]

No, it's more like, I don't know how much I love drinking straight whiskey.

[Roan]

Oh, no, it's the worst.

[Francis]

I like drinking.

[Harry]

I'll have.

[Francis]

I like a Manhattan.

[Roan]

I like old fashioned Bring your own Coke next time. See how he reacts.

[Harry]

This is vintage.

[Francis]

You want it on the rocks or not? Actually neat, but with a little splash of Coca Cola, please.

[Harry]

Hang on. I have a Coke from 2010.

[Roan]

They got a Coke in my car, actually.

[Harry]

I'll go grab.

[Roan]

And grab that.

[Harry]

Piping hot. Piping hot and old.

[Francis]

It's the old can completely flat. It's been rolling around in the back at every turn.

[Harry]

Yeah, that. That is a crazy way to spend your money.

[Francis]

I haven't acquired the taste for. For pure whiskey. I find that to be. I don't know, it's just hard.

[Harry]

I like to drink whiskey straight or like on the rocks, but. And I think that that's. That and mezcal are the only ones I like to go straight with. But that's not what I would collect is like wine, I think is a more natural and bespoke thing to collect.

[Francis]

Well, the thing is, I think that serving wine, you have a broader audience of people who can enjoy it with you when you share it.

[Harry]

He just hates women.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

I mean, when I drink the whiskey, I have to tell myself to lock the corners of my mouth down, grimace with every sip.

[Harry]

You're just like, wow.

[Francis]

No, I can tell.

[Harry]

Just drooling out the side of your mouth.

[Francis]

I can tell.

[Roan]

I think. I think I probably have ordered a straight bourbon twice in my entire life, and both times I think I had one sip of it.

[Francis]

Yeah, but that's probably too. Because you drank legally for three months before you quit.

[Roan]

Yeah, pretty much.

[Francis]

You had a three month window. Yeah. Of being legally allowed to drink before you were like, nope, no more. Pretty much it's not fun anymore now that it's not illegal.

[Roan]

Pretty much.

[Francis]

Is that really. Did that play any part in it now that it lost its luster?

[Roan]

To be honest, I never had that feeling. I was always more like, this is way better. Now that I don't have to worry about getting in trouble.

[Francis]

I see. Yeah.

[Roan]

I had some whiskey, took it to that next level.

[Harry]

I had some whiskey at Thanksgiving, man. My brother in law's house, he just served some brown on the rocks.

[Roan]

I love it.

[Francis]

Love it.

[Harry]

No, you don't.

[Roan]

Little brown on the rocks. Love it.

[Harry]

You don't.

[Roan]

Well, you never specified what kind of brown.

[Harry]

If it was rum, could have been rum, could have been a reposado.

[Roan]

Nice dark tequila.

[Harry]

Yeah, a reposado on the rocks is fucking insane.

[Francis]

I do love a good rum. I like a rum drink at a pool bar blended with ice.

[Roan]

I hated rum.

[Francis]

And a floater.

[Roan]

The Only thing I ever really like, drank was like just beer or vodka.

[Harry]

Okay.

[Roan]

But vodka, like in a mixed. Like, I liked a nice Moscow Mule.

[Francis]

Yeah, that's nice.

[Roan]

I'm a big Moscow Mule guy. Bloody Mary.

[Francis]

Oh, you were a Bloody Mary guy.

[Roan]

Oh, that was like my thing.

[Francis]

Really.

[Roan]

Oh, yeah. I would try to order Bloody Mary's at night. Later bartenders would be furious.

[Francis]

I guess we can unpack that.

[Harry]

Yeah, I guess I'll muddle some tomatoes. Yeah.

[Francis]

Taking the plastic wrap off the top of one of those tomato juice containers.

[Harry]

Fire up the stove. We're gonna put some bacon on.

[Roan]

Oh, yeah, I love bloody. I got a virgin Bloody Mary over the summer.

[Harry]

I used to. Every time I would fly, I used to, as a child, I would get the Bloody Mary mix.

[Roan]

Oh, yeah, it's great. V8.

[Harry]

Have you. No, no, the Bloody Mary mix to.

[Roan]

Like, the actual Bloody Mary mix.

[Harry]

Have you ever looked at the side of one of those cans and look at this salt content.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

It's 86 of your salt.

[Roan]

It's got to be more in like a V8. It's got to be. You're either start ring. It's like 1000% of your salt.

[Harry]

I think they, like, hand them out if the plane's about to go down. So you can just like desensitize yourself.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

What do they. What do they call a virgin? Bloody Mary. The Mary?

Yeah, I guess Mary Magdalene. What was that?

[Roan]

Hold the blood.

[Harry]

Magdalene was the. Oh, then not her and his wife or Jesus's mother. Joseph's wife was just Mary of Nazareth.

[Francis]

Mary of Nazareth.

[Roan]

Of course.

[Francis]

Nazareth. Isn't Nazareth a college?

[Harry]

Yeah. In a town in Pennsylvania.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Roan]

You go back to pa?

[Harry]

I went to pa, Went to Delaware, touched soil.

[Roan]

How's Delaware?

[Harry]

Beautiful.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Absolutely beautiful. Delaware is the future.

[Roan]

Dude, do you think.

[Harry]

I really think so.

[Roan]

What about Maryland?

[Harry]

God, no.

[Roan]

Yeah, they're struggling over there.

[Francis]

Delaware has no sales tax that.

[Harry]

Barely any tax. This year, the property taxes in Delaware went down in Mass, which is like. Where have you ever heard about that? Like, property taxes plummeting.

Yeah. Maybe the tariffs.

[Roan]

That's what they said.

[Harry]

Great shopping, nice homeownership, beautiful beaches. Delaware is the future.

[Roan]

Delaware, it's the new Massachusetts, they're saying.

[Harry]

Honestly, I think it could be.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

I drive. I drive through Delaware a lot because I drive down to my sister's place in D.C. and to see them, and I'll tell you, it's. It's short.

[Harry]

Delaware.

[Francis]

You're not in it long.

[Harry]

It's four hours. And you. You could see Every part of it. And you could buy the nicest house you've ever seen for $800,000.

[Francis]

Is that right? There has to be. Dewey beach probably has some super.

[Harry]

There's some nice ones right all the way on the beach in Rehoboth. But like, if you get two blocks off the beach, it starts getting cheap.

[Francis]

Surprising me because I'll tell you what, Delaware isn't. Delaware. One of the oldest states in the country.

[Harry]

First state was.

[Francis]

First state, yeah. The very first state.

[Harry]

That's their only claim to fame. That's a fan of screen door factories.

[Francis]

They don't claim the fame of not having sales tax.

[Harry]

I think that that's kind of more word of mouth.

[Roan]

Yeah, that's like on the down.

[Francis]

The other claim. There is one other claim of fame, which is that everyone starts their funds, founds their LLC there.

[Harry]

Yes.

[Francis]

Oh, yes, everyone. If you're going to start a business, make sure you do your LLC in Delaware, I believe.

[Roan]

Mines in Delaware.

[Harry]

You kind of skirt around it and it's just. It's like DC with cheaper houses and less Ethiopian food. Barely any Ethiopians. Well, that's Delaware.

[Roan]

Is there a lot of Ethiopians in dc?

[Francis]

Too many, really.

[Harry]

There's a lot of Ethiopians, really, in the D.C. area.

[Roan]

I did not know this.

[Harry]

They are. They run deep.

[Roan]

Really.

[Francis]

They actually literally run. They practice on Sundays in co ed groups.

[Harry]

It's a loop. It's a belt.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Around the city you can just go in a loop.

[Roan]

Of course.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Roan]

I got to get out to Delaware. I don't think I've. I haven't been out there in a minute.

[Harry]

Touch soil in Delaware.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Actually, why don't we all throw down on a big.

[Roan]

A big, A big lot. Let's buy a house, get some land out in Delaware.

[Harry]

Yeah, let's get a land, build a bunch of houses.

[Francis]

I have $222,000 to contribute.

[Harry]

No, you could buy a. You could buy an incredible plot in Delaware. You could probably buy like beachfront property in Delaware for $200,000.

[Francis]

We got any, any, any sense of the golf courses there, how elite they might be?

[Roan]

I mean, I'm sure they got at least a good one.

[Francis]

There's got to be one good one.

[Harry]

47. 47. Lived down there in Delaware.

[Francis]

That's where he's from.

[Roan]

Really?

[Francis]

Used to ride the Amtrak famously to and from Washington, D.C. and that's where.

[Harry]

He fell off his bike, I think.

[Francis]

Yeah, he did.

[Harry]

I think that was in Delaware.

[Roan]

If you guys are talking about 46 right now. But I could Be wrong.

[Francis]

You're right. It is 46. Biden was 46. Trump's 45. And 47.

[Harry]

You can see 47.

[Roan]

I got a little confused there. Yeah, he's 47.

[Francis]

Good. Good work there.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

You're back.

[Harry]

Thanks for keeping me honest, brother.

[Francis]

By the way, one of the reasons I know that so quickly is that the New York Times crossword puzzle recently had a clue. Like a couple days ago that was like 46 years. And it was.

The Biden era or like Biden administration, something like that. Biden presidency.

[Harry]

That's. That was the whole.

[Francis]

For.

[Harry]

That was the clue or that was the answer.

[Francis]

The clue was 46 years, and it meant the years of the 46th president. What were those known as? Biden presidency.

[Harry]

I do not want to have to get into crossword puzzles to stave off dementia. I'm probably just going to knit.

[Roan]

It's honestly a good tactic. Get some crosswords going or like, just some trivia. Just keep the brain firing.

[Harry]

Oh, trivia's tough, too.

[Roan]

Trivia's hard, dude. Jeopardy. Jeopardy.

[Harry]

Two years. I miss it. I. I record every episode. Is it still tough?

[Roan]

I think I went over a hundred the other day.

[Harry]

Just.

[Roan]

I'm just watching the answer. Just watching every question. Just.

[Harry]

No, you say stuff out loud.

[Roan]

No, I just watch and I'm like. I don't. I don't know. Don't know.

[Harry]

When you say stuff out loud at home alone and are wrong, it is one of the most shameful things I can do.

[Roan]

I would never do that.

I wouldn't allow myself to feel that.

[Francis]

Dude. I was. I was. I drive in silence now. I don't know why I've just started doing that. No music, no podcast.

[Roan]

Sometimes the music just gets a little annoying.

[Francis]

I drive in silence and I got. Someone was coming up behind me and they were one of those cars that was just flying.

[Roan]

Yeah, of course.

[Francis]

Like a guy in a souped up Impreza.

[Harry]

Those are Russians. Mostly.

[Roan]

Mostly Russians.

[Francis]

And he was weaving in and out on a pretty tight part of the highway. And then he cut in front of me. Like, he came up behind me and. And cut to the right and then cut back into the left. I was doing the same thing Rome was doing. Where?

[Roan]

Yeah, left lane. Camping.

[Francis]

I was in the left lane, but I was behind another car. We were just passing.

[Roan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Francis]

And then the car in front of him or he. He. In order to, like. I don't think he realized there was a car in front of me kind of close. So as soon as he swerved into the left lane. He basically slammed on his brakes and we were going, I don't know, 75. Yeah.

[Roan]

Hit you with the check.

[Francis]

And I had to be so on top of it to immediately hit my brakes because this point, he's only eight feet away. Ten feet away.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

And we're going full speed on the highway.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

And I went. Oh, my God.

Into my silent car.

[Roan]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Francis]

And then it. I could feel it sitting in there like a bad fart. Like that wasn't to anybody.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

It echoing around.

[Francis]

That's the way. That's the way I react. With no thought about what I'm going to say. Oh, my God.

[Roan]

Yeah. I don't know. I feel like I'm. I'm doing. I do that every time I drive. I'm just talking to myself the whole time, muttering.

[Francis]

Really?

[Harry]

This.

[Francis]

Going to the left lane running bits or what?

[Roan]

No, definitely not.

[Francis]

Not running this.

[Harry]

Not, like talking full voice?

[Roan]

No, not like talking like full. Like just road rage.

[Francis]

Oh, you're just mad the whole time. Yeah, the whole time.

[Roan]

For most of it.

[Francis]

One of you're one of those people who just grumbles, is mad that at every move that every other driver makes.

[Roan]

Yeah. Because I'm. I'm a very, like, cautious driver and I'm very aware of my surroundings. And, you know, you watch people and you're just like, what were you thinking? What was the thought there?

[Harry]

They're not thinking.

[Roan]

Yeah. Especially when the people. Like when people are weaving in out of the lanes.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Roan]

Even if they don't impact me at all, it infuriates me.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Roan]

Because you're like, you're gonna get there one second before I get there.

[Francis]

But you know. You know why those guys are doing that?

[Roan]

No.

[Francis]

Because people like you. Platform.

[Roan]

No.

[Francis]

No street racers around New York.

[Roan]

No, no. The street race is. The street racers in New York are a different breed. I don't. I've never seen that.

[Francis]

These speed racers, these guys. I've seen it.

[Roan]

Yeah. When they go like 200 and they're.

[Francis]

They're flying. Yeah, dude. And I see that and I go, that's okay. I'm not going to do anything. Can't catch them. I'm just hoping, like. I'm glad that. I'm glad they're past me.

[Harry]

I could pit maneuver those with no damage to the 550.

[Francis]

Yeah.

Yeah.

[Harry]

What do you guys think you should be allowed to pit maneuver as a civilian?

[Roan]

Definitely.

[Harry]

If you see someone either doing something like that or driving, like, very noticeably drunk.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Roan]

I think you should be Able to just push him out of the way.

[Harry]

Just a single pit maneuver. And once you get pit maneuvered, do you lose your ability? I mean, obviously a perfect pit maneuver is going to be a T bone, but do you lose your ability to like. Does the other car lose its facilities if you just like spin it around sideways?

[Roan]

Yeah, big time.

[Francis]

Oh, that's what a pitmaneuver.

[Roan]

I think it loses full control when.

[Harry]

You kind of hit it right at the back of its gas. Like you kind of curl it with the back of its gas.

[Francis]

What cops do to stop. Yes.

[Roan]

I used to Play Forza Motorsport 3 and my God, you're hitting someone with that or like gta.

[Harry]

That is nice to pick.

[Roan]

I'm gonna force you to pull over.

[Harry]

Where they throw the.

[Roan]

Yeah, the spike strips. I'm gonna. Yeah, you should just start. I'm just gonna start carrying some spikes with me. Yeah, that is for what I'm driving. Just letting them out the window.

[Francis]

But you'd have to. You'd have to get ahead of the car you were planning to stop by a long margin.

[Roan]

Not on me.

[Harry]

Have you guys seen maybe weighted the.

[Roan]

New shit around fast the.

[Harry]

That they're doing to cars. That's not. Instead of like a boot.

[Roan]

Oh yeah.

[Harry]

That they'll put like a plastic yellow thing across their windshield so you can't drive.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

That's insane.

[Roan]

Yeah, I'd. I guess I'd rather that than the boot.

[Harry]

I saw someone sitting in a car with one of those yesterday.

[Roan]

Yeah, that's one. You probably just sit in that car for like six hours just like before you even contact anybody. Because you know it's going to be a three day process.

[Harry]

You're just like pulling on it. Yeah.

[Roan]

Hood.

I can't imagine. Have you ever gotten hit with a full boot?

[Francis]

No.

[Harry]

Thank God. Praise be.

[Roan]

Have you never got hit with a boot?

[Francis]

No. I mean I've never left my car in an illegal spot for like a month.

[Harry]

Yeah, you've been booted. No, Victor Boot.

[Roan]

I don't have anywhere that I could have gotten booted. Oh yeah, I got a ticket.

Once.

[Harry]

I knew it, you delinquent.

[Roan]

In New York. Well, I've gotten tickets elsewhere, but I meant in New York. I've gotten one ticket.

[Harry]

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[Francis]

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[Harry]

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[Roan]

All righty, let's talk about Tempo Meals. As the holidays creep closer, the days get busier and routines get thrown off with parties, feasts and endless.

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Calorie conscious, carb conscious, even fiber rich. I'm big on fiber. Right now I'm trying to hammer the fiber. I don't know about you guys.

[Harry]

It's great for everything.

[Roan]

It's convenient but also flexible enough to fit the way you want to eat for a limited time. Tempo is offering my listener our listeners 60% off your first box. Go to Tempo meals.com boydad that's tempomeals.com boydad for 60% off your first box.

[Harry]

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[Roan]

All righty, let's talk about game time. Game Time. College football season is in full swing.

[Harry]

Game time.

[Roan]

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Because I got a feeling the Patriots are going to the super bowl. And I got a good idea of what those prices are going to look like with game time.

[Harry]

Oh, yeah.

[Roan]

Oh, yeah.

[Harry]

Talk to me. I mean, isn't that how you got your tickets last year?

[Roan]

It is how I got my tickets last year.

[Harry]

Pretty good seats, too.

[Roan]

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[Francis]

What do you think's going to happen next year?

[Roan]

Just in general?

[Francis]

Sure.

[Harry]

For Francis.

[Francis]

No, no, no.

[Roan]

Francis.

[Harry]

Like you'll be knighted or something.

Some kind of massive windfall.

[Francis]

That's not how my life goes. Next year is going to be a disaster. I'm going to have to pay for everything. Pay back taxes. Karmic back taxes.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

No, you're going to get richer and thus get more free. Shit.

[Francis]

No, I'm going to. I'm going to lose my left leg from the knee down in a horrible accident and.

Probably get diabetes.

[Harry]

Accident?

[Francis]

Probably get the wrong woman pregnant.

[Harry]

Don't say that. I'm trying to wonder. I wonder what celebrity couple you'll wind up in next calendar year.

[Francis]

I know. This isn't even wood.

[Roan]

Is it Sydney Sweeney?

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Roan]

Francis, would you date Sydney Sweeney?

[Francis]

Would I date her? No, I wouldn't date Sweeney.

[Roan]

I don't know. I could say. I mean, if you were being serious, I could. I could see it.

[Francis]

I would date Sydney Sweeney. Are you out of your mind?

[Roan]

I don't know. It could easily be one of those things where you'd be like, absolutely not.

[Francis]

Why would I ever not date her?

[Roan]

You make some. You make some decisions that I don't understand. Sometimes.

I could see you saying, no. I said, hey, Frances, this is Sydney Sweeney. Would you like to meet her?

[Harry]

If you try to.

[Francis]

That's a very different proposition from dating her. And it's just.

[Roan]

Well, she's obviously in this scenario. She's interested. Romantically.

[Francis]

Yeah. My God. Hi, Mrs. Sweeney. I'm Francis.

[Harry]

Well it wouldn't be Mrs. Quite yet.

[Francis]

Ms. Sweeney.

[Roan]

Ms.

[Francis]

I'm a big fan of Euphoria. I'm watching it again. Is that weird?

[Roan]

16 year old. You freak.

[Francis]

And she's naked in like a third of the episodes now.

[Harry]

What if say Millie Bobby Brown, if she were single, would you be interested in her?

[Francis]

I mean, I don't know. Sure. Why not? These are beautiful women. Beautiful celebrity women. Who. Who would the would I be to be like. Nah, not into it. To anyone of that caliber of. Of woman.

[Harry]

And she did just change her name to Millie Bon Bon.

[Roan]

Really?

[Harry]

Did you see that?

[Roan]

No. Millie Bon Bon, that's what she literally.

[Harry]

Changed her name to that Millie Bonnie Bon Bon Jovi. She wants to go by Millie Bon Bon.

[Francis]

Damn, that's fun.

[Harry]

Kind of. I don't know, I don't mind it. Like a Christmas candy.

[Roan]

Yeah.

Bomb. Bomb.

[Francis]

I'm trying to think if there's any the, any celebrity. The only reason I wouldn't date someone of like that is if there were many, many proven stories of them having real sort of psychotic tendencies.

[Roan]

Yeah, of course, of course.

[Francis]

Her last ex was stabbed just above the heart with a pair of scissors.

[Roan]

Yeah, yeah. You just stay away.

[Francis]

They argued about whether they wanted the Peacock Premium plus subscription.

[Harry]

I think that you would have a hard time being with someone really famous because they're almost all certainly very messy and filthy.

[Francis]

Is that so bank?

[Harry]

Almost certainly.

[Roan]

Why?

[Harry]

Because like the ego that it takes to get to that level doesn't clean.

[Roan]

Or clean up after themselves.

[Harry]

Yeah. Marilyn Monroe was famously a fucking stinky. A sandwich eating in bed stinky. She like hide sandwiches under her like sheets.

[Roan]

Yeah. Have you heard that?

[Francis]

No.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

That's funny.

[Harry]

I feel like there's lots of stories.

[Roan]

About a lot of stories about that.

[Harry]

Yeah. I feel like there's a story about Jessica Simpson, something like that too.

[Francis]

That doesn't surprise me. But much harder I think when you get to that level. All of these people also have a full time housekeeper that just follows them around and picks the sandwiches out of the covers.

[Roan]

Time they don't even know they left the sandwich in the bed. Yeah, it's gone.

[Francis]

There's fresh orchids every day on the dining table.

[Harry]

There's like a self importance that kind of comes with feeling like you're above small household tasks, you know.

[Francis]

Well, they tell themselves they're too busy.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis]

I don't have time now. My time is too valuable.

[Harry]

Yeah. I'm not going to be the one who's, you know, Changing the flower water or scrubbing down the cast iron skillet.

[Francis]

I certainly hope that my time never becomes so scarce that I can no longer do my own laundry. I love doing my laundry.

[Harry]

God, you want to do mine? I hate doing my laundry.

[Francis]

Unless you have four times the laundry.

[Roan]

I do, I would kill to be famous enough that I don't have to do my own laundry.

[Harry]

That is not a fame thing. That costs, like, $100.

[Roan]

Isn't that what you just said?

[Francis]

I said that I want to.

[Harry]

He doesn't want his time to be.

[Francis]

I want to do my laundry.

[Harry]

Imagine seeing like, well, I guess I.

[Roan]

Don'T do my own laundry now.

[Francis]

I don't trust people to do my own laundry for me. I have shirts that cannot go in the dryer and some that can and they don't know. And that's how you end up with a shirt that is a crop top the second time you've worn it.

[Roan]

Yeah, that happens a lot. It's kind of just a thing for me where you kind of just got to roll the dice. Just go, we'll see.

[Francis]

I hope.

[Roan]

I hope I get these clothes back, but I might not. That's why you never put, like, your best clothes all together.

[Harry]

You got to spread them out. You got to put all your eggs in different baskets.

[Roan]

Like, when I do laundry, it's two sweatshirts are going in tops, because you can't risk losing all your sweatshirts at once.

[Francis]

It's like a family who's lost a couple members, and they have their parents fly on.

[Harry]

I can't have my dad shrinking.

[Roan]

We're actually. You know, it's in our contracts that we're in. Us three aren't allowed to fly together.

[Harry]

Yeah. Son of a boy. That has to go on. One of us has to carry the mantle. It's like Saving Private Ryan. Kind of.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

If one of us perished on a trip, we'd have to. So they would. Like Dave would go into the breach to save us.

[Francis]

Is there any sort of government protocol where if there's an attack, they separate the vice president, the president, and the speaker of the House in order to ensure that. That the succession or something. If something happens to one of. Is there anything they do?

[Harry]

Like a lone survivor situation whenever I think during the inaugurations. Isn't there like, a Kiefer Sutherland show about that? Yeah. Where they separate one person and kind of put them in a. Like a bunker somewhere just in case someone nukes the inauguration or something like that?

[Roan]

I don't know.

[Francis]

That's what I'm wondering secretly, do you.

[Harry]

Think that person's like a little bit rooting for it?

[Roan]

Oh, absolutely.

[Harry]

They're like, this would be.

[Roan]

If you're the vice president. If you're the vice president, the only thing you're thinking about is, I fucking hope the president dies.

[Harry]

But it's not even the vice president in this situation. It's like some random state representative or something like speaker of the House, Senator or something like that. It's not even speaker. I think it's someone like just like low level, like spin of a wheel and it just lands on them and local government president.

[Francis]

I mean, I started watching Death by Lightning. That is really good.

[Roan]

I've never heard of that.

[Francis]

Oh, boy. This is good, guys.

[Harry]

What are we talking about?

[Francis]

This is really, really good. This is the story of James Garfield.

[Harry]

Spider Man.

[Francis]

James. James Garfield elected president and. And was killed, of course.

[Harry]

This is like 1881 or something.

[Francis]

That's exactly right.

That's right. And it's. And then Garfield is played by that great actor.

The cat, Giamatti. I knew I wasn't going to be able to remember it. I can never remember this guy's face.

[Harry]

It's not Giamatti.

[Francis]

No. Michael Shannon. Thank you, Owen.

[Roan]

I love Michael.

[Francis]

Michael Shannon's in it. It's great.

[Roan]

He's like my favorite actor.

[Francis]

He's good. You'll like this dude because it's kind of funny. It's a funny show. Death by Lightning. Four part miniseries on Netflix, I'm pretty sure. And then there's the guy who I think kills him is played by Shannon from Succession.

[Harry]

Oh, you're doppelgang.

[Francis]

Everyone says that I sound like an act. Like.

[Harry]

So that should have been you, Greg.

[Francis]

What are you wearing on your feet, Greg? Shiv.

[Harry]

Is that why you don't like that show? Because you're.

In it?

[Francis]

Shiv, I. I've done everything I can to make you happy. I don't think you like me.

[Roan]

Yeah, Shannon, can we take another second?

[Harry]

For me getting 1881 on the nose.

[Roan]

That'S a historical take Shelter. Michael Shannon, highly recommend Banger.

[Harry]

Really? Yeah, he was incredible in Boardwalk Empire. Yeah, he was really good.

[Francis]

Do you guys think we recommend too many shows and movies on this pod?

[Roan]

No, I think that's really just most of podcasting.

[Francis]

It's not really our thing though, is it?

[Roan]

It's just using your voice. I'm just trying to use my voice.

[Harry]

Honestly. We should be putting people on to more stuff. We put people. Put people onto those shoes that you have.

[Francis]

Well, Roan, I swagger. Jack. I have swagger jacked on these. Sorry.

[Harry]

He said Sam Smith trying to shout out his classic.

[Roan]

Yeah, classic.

[Harry]

So what are they? Paraboots?

[Francis]

These are paraboot. What are they called, Ron? Closer Costure or something.

[Harry]

I don't know. The Avorius, I think, are the other ones.

[Francis]

Oh, yeah. So Roan has. Roan got the high tops. Last year and I'd been eyeing them and he bought them and I thought, my God, those are. Are unbelievable. And now I have to wait a while before I can buy them.

[Roan]

And you still got a couple more years.

[Harry]

No, but those are time. Those are forever.

[Francis]

These are the lows.

[Roan]

Yeah, but you can't go with the highs for.

[Francis]

I'm not gonna buy the highs. I didn't buy the highs because he had. Yeah, I like the highs. I wanted them.

[Roan]

You can get them in, like, I'd say six years.

[Francis]

Well, now. Now it'll be just too. I wouldn't do that. I don't need redundant. But these are. I think these are dope as hell.

[Harry]

They're dope as hell.

[Roan]

Don't you wish they were just a little bit higher, though? Because, my God, they are low when I wear these.

Kill for those to be high.

[Harry]

My ankles are too weak to wear low, low top shoes like that. Oh, yeah, it looks like it if you were. If you look straight at it, it looks like Chris Clemmer. You can't even see it.

[Francis]

Look. Do I wish that they were higher? Yes, absolutely. Am I concerned that when weather turns poor and it's snowy, that snow is going to spill in around my ankle bones? Yes, absolutely.

[Roan]

But we go on boots this year.

[Francis]

Yeah, we're going boots this year, Tim.

[Roan]

Steel toe. What are we thinking?

[Harry]

I'll go Timbis.

[Francis]

I'd like to see you in some boots.

[Roan]

I'm not a boots guy.

[Francis]

Yeah, not yet.

[Roan]

Never.

[Francis]

Now you got the coin for it, though.

[Harry]

Yeah, now you're rolling in it, actually. 2026, that's. I see Harry being prosperous.

[Francis]

Big year for Harry. Two Instagram posts.

[Roan]

Cutting back on everything in 2026.

[Harry]

That's not true.

[Roan]

Spending is over.

[Harry]

That is not true.

[Roan]

I've already accomplished everything I could someone.

[Harry]

Send my boy a pair of boots. Can someone send him some boots, please? 333 7th Avenue.

[Roan]

No, no, no, I don't need any boots.

[Harry]

Yeah, you do. Size? Maybe nines.

[Roan]

I could go for some bean boots, I guess.

[Francis]

Let's get you some beaners.

[Roan]

I've already. I've already got some bean boots.

[Harry]

You got some beaners?

[Roan]

No.

[Harry]

You don't have any beaners.

[Roan]

No, no, no, no, no. I have some L.L. bean boots.

[Harry]

Beaners.

[Roan]

Is some shoes.

[Francis]

More.

[Roan]

They're hiking shoes.

[Harry]

Funniest thing to call a Mexican person.

[Francis]

I think it's pretty racist.

[Roan]

Yeah. Is it? Big time.

[Harry]

Is it?

[Roan]

Oh, yeah. It's like the N word.

[Francis]

I only use it in reference to El bean Boo.

[Harry]

Is it because I eat beans?

[Roan]

I think so.

[Harry]

Well, then call me a beaner, brother, because I love a can. I will eat a can of beans straight with maybe just a couple of jalapenos sprinkled on it. And if that makes me a slur, then, you know.

[Roan]

You ever have, like, the. The baked. Like, the baked beans out of the can? The smoked barbecue ones?

[Harry]

I don't.

[Roan]

I don't eat some of those while we were camping, and I don't indulge.

[Harry]

In that kind of stuff.

[Roan]

They're incredible. So bad for you, though.

[Harry]

Yeah, those are bad.

[Roan]

Like 80 grams of sugar. A can.

[Francis]

You guys really opened up a can of beans. Did you cook them over a fire? Heat them up over a fire?

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Wow.

[Francis]

You went full camping?

[Harry]

Yeah. You went hobo.

[Roan]

Well, we've done that multiple times.

[Francis]

That's pretty cool.

[Harry]

It's crazy how much sugar is in, like, barbecue sauce. Oh, like you're trying to put sweet baby rays. I did a marinated chicken breast with just a little sweet.

[Roan]

You said you put sweet baby rays on everything thing.

[Harry]

No, I don't.

[Roan]

Yeah, that's when you never say that. You definitely said that we had a con. And I was like, there's so much sugar.

[Harry]

I painted it on a single barbecue that I did. And then I heard it, and then I haven't painted it since. But I did use it as part of my marinade yesterday. How was amazing. Juicy as hell. Perfectly cooked through some apple cider vinegar in there, some mustard.

[Roan]

Do you think Ray was, like, he knew what he was doing, or do you think it took the baby to step up?

[Harry]

I think the baby set it off. I think that Ray probably had been doing it a certain way.

[Roan]

Ray was a drunk piece of.

[Francis]

Oh, yeah.

[Roan]

And the baby.

[Harry]

Sweet baby. It was sweet wife. But at that time, you could never name a sauce after a woman unless it was a syrup.

[Roan]

Yeah, exactly.

[Harry]

That was the only one. Buttersworth Jemima. Those are the only exhaust.

[Roan]

Exactly. I would kill to be, like, one of those people on a syrup.

[Harry]

To have your body.

[Roan]

To be a maple syrup.

[Harry]

No, it would have to be your whole body, head to toe. But yours would be like. You know how the buttersworth bottle goes out. Yours would be like slim and then like out in the middle like a spade.

[Roan]

I think that would be hilarious. Yeah.

[Harry]

To get a novelty sass bottle of Buttersworth. Yeah.

[Roan]

Fully proportional.

[Harry]

I'd rather be on a butter container like a Native American Land O Lakes.

[Roan]

I can't believe it's not butter user have that.

[Francis]

Of course.

[Harry]

Fake Native American Indian guy.

[Roan]

No spray butter.

That was. I don't even know what they were putting in that.

[Francis]

No, it had bug repellent in it.

[Roan]

Whatever it was, was the most delicious thing ever created. I used to take it out of my grandma's refrigerator.

[Francis]

Did you really?

[Roan]

Oh, yeah. I was probably like three.

[Harry]

That actually explains so much.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Whenever you saw your stepdad coming to lube it up for him.

[Harry]

Yeah. You sucked your stepdad's dick.

[Roan]

I don't even have a stepdad.

[Harry]

Well, then whose dick was that?

[Francis]

Not anymore. Ever since you wiped him from your memory.

[Harry]

From your mouth.

[Francis]

The corners.

[Harry]

Ever since you wiped your step down.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Got you.

[Harry]

How do you. How do you like that?

[Roan]

I don't have a stepdad, so I guess not Great.

[Francis]

I knew him as Jim. He was just Jim. He wasn't my step anything.

[Harry]

Just call him by his first name.

[Francis]

My mom's boyfriend.

[Roan]

I used to do some bad with the. With the spray butter. Like my grandma used to always make pancakes. And I would get the pancakes and I would just like. Like after breakfast is over, sneak in a couple pancakes later in the day and I would take them just. Just drench the thing.

[Harry]

They're tripping.

[Roan]

No, not like crazy, but you guys.

[Francis]

Didn'T finish the pancakes.

[Roan]

Yeah, my grandma would make a lot of pancakes.

[Francis]

And what. What did she do? What was her plan for them?

[Roan]

Put them in the refrigerator.

[Francis]

Really?

[Harry]

Yeah, but that makes them worse. That makes them significantly.

[Roan]

Well, we're not. You're talking about the small pancakes.

[Harry]

Silver dollar.

[Roan]

Yeah, the small ones.

[Harry]

But she sounds like she was failing to plan cakes.

[Francis]

She was.

[Roan]

Come again?

[Harry]

She was failing to plan cakes.

[Roan]

Failing to plan cakes.

[Harry]

Yeah, exactly. She was. She didn't. She was over making.

[Roan]

I mean, I think there was like a ton of leftover, but we're not going to get rid of pancakes just to get rid of pan.

[Harry]

It is fun to make them, but it's hard to budget and know the exact right amount.

[Roan]

She had it down pretty good.

[Francis]

No, she didn't.

[Roan]

No, she had it down and there was a lot of people there because when I was younger, my grandparents lived on Cape Cod. Like my mom is from Cape Cod, so We would go down there and then my cousins lived in weirdly Will met where that show takes place.

[Harry]

That's why you like the show, because.

[Roan]

It'S reminds how it was recommended to me. But that's where my cousins used to live. And then we would. They would come down to Cape Cod for the summer and then we would drive down from Massachusetts or from where I live and we would have pancakes. Whole thing. A lot of pancakes.

[Francis]

Was this okay? Did you. Did you. Did she ever make the Mickey Mouse one with the big, big center circle and then the two on the top?

[Roan]

No. Well, because it's not ihop. It's my grandma's house.

[Francis]

I don't think that they do that at ihop.

[Roan]

They definitely do.

[Francis]

They must. Right? Now, you said that she allocated enough pancakes, but certainly she didn't. If there were many leftovers such that you could go into the fridge throughout the day to continue picking.

[Roan]

Well, I mean, you gotta think who's gonna be eating pan later in the day? The child. It's not like my parents are sneaking a couple pancakes at 3pm because they.

[Harry]

Know that refrigerated pancakes suck ass.

[Roan]

They're really not that bad though.

[Harry]

Yeah. I guess if you just have a child's palate and you just want to eat something handheld.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Did you throw a step.

[Roan]

Throw a breakfast? I don't have a stepdad breakfast. Sausage.

[Harry]

That was a different kind of batter. His stepdad was spreading. Yeah.

[Roan]

Chunky baby batter Pancakes use throw sausage in between the pancakes.

[Harry]

Now you're talking. A pig in a blanket.

[Roan]

Pig in a blanket.

[Harry]

A pig in a blanket. That was my ihop. Go to order. When I discovered a pig in a blanket existed, my life and worldview exploded.

[Roan]

IHOP is garbage, garbage, garbage.

[Harry]

But didn't used to be like.

[Roan]

Used to be like.

[Harry]

It did not used to be like.

[Roan]

To be like that.

[Harry]

And do you think that that's like. It was always like that? You just didn't notice when you were young or. It markedly got worse.

[Roan]

It definitely got worse. It's like, it used to be like you would go in and it would be like, oh, it's welcome. This is the. This is the house of pancakes. Now you go in and you're like, this is.

This is not a good house, dude. Wednesdays, it's a scary house.

[Francis]

In Cambridge, on Wednesdays we used to go out to Uno's Pizzeria because I think they did karaoke on Wednesdays. So we'd get pretty banged up there. And then afterwards there was this bar in the up in the Charles Hotel, I think it was called Noir. That was open until 1am, which was late in Boston. Yeah, that was as late as you could get. So we'd always go there once Uno's closed at midnight for the last 45 minutes to Noir and use our fakes together if we could. And then after Noir, we would go to ihop, of course. And you could do anything. You could start a food fight in IHOP and they wouldn't even notice.

[Roan]

Yeah, that's still like that for sure.

[Harry]

You could Frisbee a Rudy Tooty fresh and fruity at somebody and. Yeah, it would happen. There'd be no recourse.

[Francis]

No. Because there's a brawl happening next door. So, like, you know, you want to.

[Harry]

Talk about sugar content? The boysenberry syrup that's sitting on every single table out there that if you pick it up, it's like.

It looks like the amber that bugs are discovered in.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Prehistoric time.

[Francis]

It's hummingbird nectar.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Roan]

I went to. I used to go to that IHOP right next to Patty's, the bar. You know what I'm talking about? The one right on, like, 1st Ave. Or 2nd Ave. Oh, yeah. You know the bar Patty's, the Irish pub that everyone goes to after the stand.

[Francis]

Yes.

[Roan]

Yeah. There's an IHOP right there. I used to go there. And I remember I went in one night. It was like 5am When I went in, and I remember there was a dude, like, laying down, like, asleep in the middle of the IHOP and his friends were, like, dragging him out. And then I. I got a DM the next morning, and he was like, sass, huge fan. I saw you at IHOP last night. Not my best moment, but just figured, yeah.

I was like, dude, I don't know how you could possibly remember that you were laying down at ihop.

[Harry]

That's the kind of. That's like. Like fine at ihop.

[Roan]

I think if you're laying down at ihop, you can't have a recollection of anything that happened the night prior. Or else it's like, dude, why were you laying down?

[Harry]

There's an IHOP in Center City Philly that has an armed guard outside of it. A woman. Got who? The armed guard's a woman. A homeless guy spit on her, and she killed him. She killed him?

[Roan]

Yeah. That's tough.

[Harry]

What killed the guy?

[Roan]

That's why you don't have armed guards at ihop.

[Harry]

Yeah, the pancakes are not that valuable.

[Roan]

No, no, nothing is that valuable.

[Harry]

He killed the guy. How insane is that?

[Francis]

That's. I'm surprised I didn't hear more about that.

[Harry]

It's on the news. It's on the local news in Philadelphia.

[Francis]

When did that happen?

[Harry]

Like within the last two months.

[Francis]

Oh, wow. Okay.

[Roan]

It's probably an ongoing investigation.

[Harry]

No, I think it's pretty open and.

[Roan]

Shut.

Right down to business.

[Harry]

Yeah. You can't. You can't have an arm guard.

[Roan]

They had an armed guard. I went to topgolf at. In. In Minnesota, and they had like seven armed guards at top Golf at topgolf. Standing outside with like the pistol in the. Over in the jack in the bulletproof.

[Harry]

You don't need the pistol in the vest. Put the pistol on your hip, dude.

[Roan]

Or the. I have my. Mine on the leg.

[Harry]

On the ankle?

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

I'm not trying to bend over that far.

[Francis]

Stop.

[Roan]

See, right now I'm already bent over.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Roan]

You spend a lot of time sitting the guard.

[Harry]

Oh, wow. I realized you had it like that.

[Francis]

Oh, wow.

[Roan]

You didn't expect one.

[Francis]

No. The whole point of the ankle gun is so that when the bad guys pat you down for the meeting with the boss, they don't catch the ankle and you're dead.

[Roan]

Just like that. Didn't even see it coming because you're going like, what's.

[Harry]

You're keeping yours on the inside of your ankle?

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Oh, I thought it would be on the outside of the ankle.

[Francis]

I'm pretty sure the only dog probably.

[Harry]

Oh, four.

[Roan]

Four guns per let. Two guns per leg, one on each.

[Francis]

On the inside. Well, if that were the case, then I definitely would not need the high tops of these shoes. No.

[Roan]

No.

[Francis]

Because then there's ankle support.

[Roan]

Exactly. The gun.

[Francis]

Two guns.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Basically wearing an air cast made of steel.

[Roan]

I have a. I had an airsoft gun growing up and I opened a cabinet at my parents house and I found it. And it's like I told them. I was like, you've got to get rid of this thing.

[Francis]

Look at this.

[Roan]

Open.

[Harry]

Just like a real gun. What?

[Roan]

I opened up a cabinet. It was just sitting there. I was like, why? The.

[Francis]

The.

[Roan]

I colored the tip black.

[Harry]

Why?

[Roan]

When I was a kid, because he wanted to look real.

[Francis]

This was like when Beau was distressing his jeans. Harry was coloring the tips of airsoft guns.

[Roan]

Everyone was coloring the tip of the airsoft gun.

[Harry]

You're distressing your airsoft gun.

[Roan]

I'm trusting I'm not the only guy that was doing that.

[Harry]

No, no, totally. And you always see people like shot on the news because of it.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

In inner city neighborhoods.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

What? What, what does the airsoft gun shoot bbs?

[Roan]

So like a BB gun.

[Harry]

BB gun and. Yeah, yeah.

[Roan]

But they shoot like plastic. Like just like, you know, good for the environment. Bbs rather than just the metal ones.

[Harry]

Biodegradable.

[Francis]

Oh, yes. Those plastic BBs are so much better for the environment than the metal ones.

[Harry]

The landfills are. They are metal ones.

[Roan]

But also, I don't think it's like an issue. I don't think there was like, I don't think like, things were going poorly in the world before the plastic BB was invented. Like, this is gonna change everything after the marches. This is gonna change the total way that we go about airsoft.

[Francis]

No, it was the equal. It was the. The. The iguana advocates at PETA that said you need to change it to plastic.

[Harry]

Imagine smoking an iguana with an airsoft getting.

[Roan]

Have you ever been shot with an airsoft gun? Yeah, it's not that bad. Yeah. I can't even imagine what it would feel like getting shot by a BB gun.

[Harry]

It's way worse. You think?

[Roan]

I mean, it's metal versus pla. It's a steel BB versus plastic. Like I shoot. I used to shoot like cans. I have like a old ass BB gun. Like my grandfather gave it to me. It's like a. It's like a crank. It's like a big one. That thing you could shoot like a can. It would go through both sides.

[Harry]

It went through it.

[Roan]

It would go through the whole thing and explode. The airsoft gun, it wouldn't even go through the front. The one that I had little. There are airsoft guns that could shoot through like a fucking beer bottle.

[Francis]

Do you guys remember in the. I think it was the first Jackass movie where they did the. They hit themselves with the riot control device.

[Roan]

No.

[Harry]

Oh.

[Roan]

Like the beanbag guns.

[Francis]

It was so much worse than that. It was something that. That threw out, I think rubber balls. But. But it was a thousand of them. 10,000. I don't know what it was.

[Roan]

It might have been the beanbag ones.

[Francis]

No, it wasn't.

[Roan]

Because those are like supposed to be brutal.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Roan]

Those are just like getting hit with. I don't even know.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Roan]

At least a bullet just goes through it.

[Francis]

It always struck me that that stunt that they did was the worst thing that they did. Probably because I remember the. It was Bam Margera, Johnny Knoxville and one other guy. And they were so hurt after.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

That they couldn't move.

[Roan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

One of them was crying.

[Harry]

Oh. The worst thing by far to me is when they put bungee cords on a porta potty with Stevo and just.

[Francis]

Launched it and tipped it upside down.

[Roan]

Oh, yeah.

[Harry]

Yeah. He was just flying through the air getting like, other people's smeared on him. Yeah, just go. Just get a different job. Like, just go work for the post office at that point. Like, you really don't have to, like, top yourself.

[Roan]

No.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Roan]

All right. Should we wrap this up?

[Harry]

Yep, sure.

[Roan]

Thank you guys for listening. We will see you next week. Cool. Sash will be in Dallas, Texas next week.

[Harry]

Francis is sold out in.

Boston. You're sold out in Boston?

[Francis]

Yes, sir.

[Roan]

Tickets at [e-mail] for Dallas. Thank you.

Oh, did I tell you? Dal too. She's sending me a controller.

[Francis]

No.

[Roan]

Pretty huge. Thank you.

[Francis]

Goodbye.

[Roan]

Was over.

[Harry]

Still still underground.

[Francis]

So.

I looked older til you.

Came around.

[Roan]

I was only falling one way.

[Francis]

I was.

[Roan]

Only falling one way.

[Francis]

I come alive.

I was only falling.

[Roan]

One way.

[Francis]

I was only falling one.

[Roan]

Way.

[Francis]

I was only falling one way.

I was only falling one way.

That.

[Roan]

Is to your eyes.

Did you me.

[Francis]

Alive.

[Roan]

No one can take me alive.

I was only falling one way.

[Francis]

Sam.