Bluetooth Caligula | Son of a Boy Dad #359

Summary

Son of a Boy Dad #359 — "Bluetooth Caligula" (Dec 11, 2025)

Overview

In this episode of Son of a Boy Dad, recent college dropout Lil Sasquatch (Harry), producer Rone (Ronan), and comedian Francis Ellis explore the challenges of early adulthood, crafting a healthy worldview, travel fears, controversial celebrity documentaries, and the nature of fame and legacy. The trio riff aimlessly but hilariously through current events, personal stories, and outlandish hypothetical scenarios, all while taking gentle jabs at each other’s choices and idiosyncrasies.

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Main Themes

• Navigating adulthood after dropping out of college
• Celebrity docuseries controversies (Diddy, Charlie Sheen, Frank Sinatra)
• The evolution of modern rap and aging out of musical trends
• Fleeting youth and "making up for lost time"
• Travel tales: Europe, cruises, spring break, airline status
• American attitudes abroad and stereotypes
• Status and authenticity in New York

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Feeling "Rudderless" After Dropping Out

• Harry playfully laments his lack of direction, joking about sleep cycles, staying up late watching documentaries, and struggling to find meaningful routines.
• Francis shares his disciplined approach to working out even on days when he doesn't want to, emphasizing "mental toughness" and "just do it" strategies.
  • "On days where I really don’t want to work out... have that be even more of a signal that I have to." — Francis, [08:17]

2. Diddy Documentary & Celebrity Excess

• Rone reviews the Diddy docuseries, marveling at the wild allegations and Diddy's omnipresence in entertainment.
  • "Diddy's got a little Forrest Gump in him... he's a part of everything." — Ronan, [10:35]
• The guys riff on Diddy's alleged sexual exploits, penchant for baby oil, and liken him to legendary Roman freaks.
  • "He's freaky over Bluetooth." — Harry, [14:53]
  • "They found... thousands of bottles [of baby oil]... he knew he was getting arrested and he couldn’t stop himself." — Ronan, [15:04]

3. Youthful Experiences Missed (Spring Break, Study Abroad)

• Rone confesses he missed “spring break” and the carefree college-lifestyle traditions.
• Francis prescribes a joking "Billy Madison" compressed study abroad for Rone.
• They negotiate alternatives for "reclaiming youth": joining cruises, learning new hobbies, even simulated spring break via Oculus VR.
  • "We’ll simulate spring break on the Oculus." — Ronan, [26:06]

4. Global Travel and Cultural Differences

• Waxing on travel, the group contrasts American and European cities, discussing language barriers, expat stereotypes, and the mythos of Parisian snobbery.
  • "If I started speaking to the maitre d', they would change their attitude about us." — Francis, [27:38]
• They debate authenticity and "gatekeeping" in major cities, especially the New York "real native" trope.
  • "Anybody that even thinks about that or gatekeeps it, it's... diddyish." — Harry, [73:15]

5. The Evolution and Youthfulness of Rap

• Francis critiques modern rap as AutoTune-heavy and melodic, contrasting with the classic "verse-chorus" formula.
  • "Rap is a young man’s game." — Francis, [45:19]
• The group mock the idea that soon everyone will just be "content creators who also rap."
  • "That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. That's someone that just sucks at rapping." — Ronan, [45:56]

6. Financial Status Anxiety (Airline Points, Liquid Assets)

• Hilarious fixation on airline status (Delta/United), with Ronan lashing out at loyalty programs.
  • "I’m done being loyal to an airline." — Ronan, [56:55]
• The guys joke about hiding cash and not trusting banks, referencing It's a Wonderful Life.

7. Cruises, Travel Fears, and Humorous Paranoias

• Rone is irrationally afraid of cruise ships sinking ("those things sink like once a week"). The others debunk this myth with facts about flight vs. cruise disasters.
• They brainstorm a "Son of a Boy Dad" cruise or ferry takeover for fans.
  • "I want us to sink, like I want [the ferry] to go down." — Ronan, [66:58]

8. Life Updates: Medication, Mental Health & Self-Care

• Francis reveals an uncomfortable switch in medication due to insurance, experiencing side effects and frustration with the healthcare system.
  • "It’s all the fault of the fucking insurance company." — Francis, [75:57]
• The show closes with light harmonizing and lyrical mishearings, amidst jokes about chronic eye infections ("flotsam and jetsam" in Rone’s apartment).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On the Diddy Documentary

• "Did you watch the doc?" — Harry, [15:21]
• "Did he could just go... he didn’t have an off switch. He’d sleep for like an hour and then go for a month." — Ronan, [78:33]

On Youth and “Making up for Lost Time”

• "Can Ronan, I prescribe for you... you go backfill your youth that you've missed." — Francis, [20:50]
• "We're bringing the Oculus in. We'll simulate spring break." — Ronan, [26:06]

Hilarious Paranoia

• "Cruises, to be honest, scare the shit out of me... those things sink like once a week." — Ronan, [62:53]
• "What do you think goes down more, though? Commercial flights or cruise ships?" — Ronan, [63:54]

On Rap’s Future

• "Within 20 years there won't even be rappers... everyone's just going to be a content creator." — Harry, paraphrasing [45:23]
• "That’s someone that just sucks at rapping." — Ronan, [45:56]

Examining Parisian Attitude

• "If I started speaking to the maitre d', they would change their attitude." — Francis, [27:38]
• "My hack? Even at the bougie restaurants, don't even speak a word of French. Make them come to you. And they respected it." — Harry, [29:09]

On "Real" New Yorkers

• "Anybody that even, like, thinks about that or gatekeeps it is... diddy behavior." — Harry, [73:15]

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 08:17 — Francis discusses workout motivation and mental toughness
• 10:35 — Diddy documentary breakdown
• 14:53 — "Bluetooth Caligula" and the rise of baby oil jokes
• 20:50 — Francis prescribes making up for lost time and backfilling youth
• 26:06 — Simulating spring break with Oculus
• 45:19 — Discussing rap as a "young man's game"
• 56:55 — Airline status loyalty crisis
• 62:53 — Cruise ship paranoia and group trip schemes
• 73:15 — "Real" New Yorker debate and city authenticity
• 75:57 — Francis' medication troubles and rants against the insurance/pharma industry

---

Tone & Closing Thoughts

The episode is rich in banter, irreverence, and irony; the hosts are unapologetically unserious about their own plights yet deft at satirizing the world around them. It’s a blend of reality checks and absurdity—celebrity scandal, personal shortcomings, and cultural observations—delivered with the group’s trademark self-deprecation and brisk comedic timing. The camaraderie is palpable, as is their willingness to both roast and support each other through the best and worst of young adulthood.

If you missed college, spring break, or just want the inside of a modern man’s mind—this episode’s for you.

Transcript

[Harry]

Hey. Son of a boy. Dad. Listeners, you can find every episode on Apple podcasts, Spotify or YouTube Prime. Members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. I'm not going back to college to be your friend. I'm going so I can get Uber one for students. It saves you on Uber and Uber eats. I'm there for $0 delivery fee on cheeseburgers, up to 10% off smoothies and 6% Uber credits back on rides. Just to be clear, I'm there for savings, not whatever you think college is for.

[Ronan]

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[Harry]

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[Ronan]

Get 50 off your first box. Available only at the farmersdog.com.

A little bit.

[Harry]

Is it getting worse?

[Ronan]

I don't know. It's only been a couple hours.

[Francis]

Are you just.

[Ronan]

Since I've been awake, is it just.

[Francis]

You're just tired or.

[Ronan]

Yeah, I just run down. I don't have like the flu or anything.

[Francis]

What time did you go to bed last night?

[Ronan]

1.

[Francis]

I don't believe you.

[Ronan]

No, I did. I was so tired I just woke up. More tired today.

[Francis]

You might have mono.

[Ronan]

Yeah, I don't know about that.

[Harry]

Or norovirus.

[Ronan]

I don't think I got mono.

[Harry]

What about neurovirus?

[Ronan]

That's a possibility, but I don't feel like I'm throwing up or my pants, so.

[Harry]

Doesn't it affects everybody in different ways.

[Ronan]

It just makes me a little sleepy.

[Francis]

Norovirus. A lot of people don't know this is a contraction of Norton Antivirus.

[Ronan]

I forgot about the computer scanner.

[Francis]

That was meant to help you avoid.

Piracy.

[Harry]

People don't know this either. Pat McAfee is actually a contraction of McAfee antivirus doc.

[Francis]

Is it now? Yeah, it's a contraction of Patrick.

[Harry]

Patronizing mcafeet. No.

[Ronan]

Okay.

[Harry]

God, no. We just pulled Mike.

[Francis]

Do we look like we've started?

[Ronan]

I don't know. I was thinking about it on my way in. I was debating if you guys had started or not. Why would we do this without you arguing with myself?

[Harry]

You're the backbone of our musical sound.

[Ronan]

I was running through scenarios where you guys started coming in a little hot.

[Harry]

You were, like, angry. Wait, you were angry about something that actually. That didn't happen.

[Francis]

We wouldn't start without you. You've done it before. Have we?

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Oh, with it. With a big guest.

[Ronan]

Who? Oh, Will.

[Harry]

Angus.

[Ronan]

Yeah. It's actually. That's fair. Yeah.

[Harry]

We don't want.

[Francis]

That was only by, like, a minute, right?

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Oh, yeah.

[Francis]

We had a big. Guess who had a time crunch.

[Harry]

He had a time crunch. We wouldn't start without you, bro.

[Ronan]

I'm not. I don't actually care. I'm not actually.

[Harry]

You don't have to trip.

[Ronan]

I'm not actually mad.

[Harry]

Don't trip.

[Francis]

You just said that you were coming in hot.

[Ronan]

I was kidding.

[Harry]

You're tripping.

[Francis]

No, you weren't.

[Ronan]

I was just trying to bust balls.

[Harry]

Not here. This isn't the platform for that.

[Ronan]

I'm very lost on, like, the. Do you want to get going right now?

[Harry]

No. Okay.

[Francis]

What is happening? I don't understand where you want. What you want us to be mad at you for.

[Ronan]

I don't want you to be mad at me.

[Francis]

But you prepared a defense. You prepared a defense, and so do you want to just give us the defense even though we haven't given you the attack?

[Harry]

You can just have the argument. There was no. You're late.

[Francis]

Anyway, as I was saying before we got here, While we were 20 minutes into the podcast round.

[Harry]

Yeah. You're talking about that duck confeet.

[Francis]

Josh Allen probably is the MVP contender again.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Oh, Harry, nice to see you. Thanks for showing up. Glad you could join us.

[Ronan]

Were you guys talking ball?

[Harry]

We talked about all your favorite things. Stan Smith shoes.

[Ronan]

Yep.

[Harry]

Fucking.

[Ronan]

That is one of my big ones.

[Harry]

Vidya games.

[Ronan]

Vidya games.

[Francis]

Vidya games. I got a DM from a girl who said, less video game talk, please. So we have to.

[Ronan]

So we're cutting it out completely.

[Francis]

Cut it. Because she had breasts and therefore.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Cachet calls the shots.

[Harry]

Mm.

[Francis]

All right.

[Harry]

All right.

[Ronan]

Shall we?

[Francis]

Yeah, yeah. Keep all that.

[Ronan]

We can keep all of it.

[Francis]

Keep all of that.

[Ronan]

Alrighty. Welcome back to the Son of a Boy dad podcast. Today it is December 9th.

[Francis]

It's 3:20pm I'm not gonna be the only guy not wearing a beanie.

[Harry]

Yeah, beanie up. I have more of mine to kind of.

[Ronan]

What does yours say?

[Harry]

Denver.

[Ronan]

Oh, nice.

[Harry]

There's that city in kind of the mountainous area of the United States.

[Francis]

Colorado.

[Ronan]

Denver, Colorado.

[Harry]

Roger, there's a. There's a, like, a Wish like a whiskey tasting or a vodka tasting bar.

[Francis]

There is.

[Ronan]

There is a great Russian vodka.

[Harry]

Russian vodka bar. And it's amazing.

[Ronan]

I think that might be the oldest thing any of us know about Denver.

[Francis]

Could you just hit me with the Colorado Rocky Mountain really quick?

[Harry]

I don't know that song.

[Francis]

Colorado.

[Ronan]

You don't know?

[Harry]

I heard that one. Where's he from?

[Ronan]

West Virginia, I think.

[Harry]

Yeah. John Denver from West Virginia.

[Ronan]

I really don't know. Is he?

[Francis]

I think so.

[Ronan]

He talks about West Virginia a lot. We were listening to some, some John Denver when we were driving through West Virginia.

[Francis]

I was going to layer the high harmony on top of Rhone's.

[Harry]

Colorado Rocky. Colorado, Rocky Mountain High.

[Ronan]

Not bad.

[Francis]

Well, we didn't. Let's do it one more time. Ready? Three, two, one.

[Harry]

Colorado Rocky Mountain High.

[Francis]

There it is. There it is.

[Ronan]

It's not bad, to be honest.

[Francis]

If only we knew more of the song.

[Harry]

You got to do the bass. You got to be like bum. But it's sing the.

[Ronan]

It's pretty crazy that he died in a plane crash. Just hammered. That's got to be a decent way to go out.

[Harry]

Yeah. Because you're not scared.

[Ronan]

Fire.

[Harry]

You're not scared at all.

[Ronan]

Yeah, Just shit faced.

[Harry]

But you're very flammable.

[Ronan]

He had like multiple DUIs in planes. Did you know that? Fucking. And how do they even catch that?

[Harry]

They're like that.

[Ronan]

That one looks like it's not driving the right way.

[Francis]

Land.

[Ronan]

Put that thing on the ground.

[Francis]

Pull over.

[Harry]

They're just putting spike strips on the air.

[Ronan]

Releasing doves.

[Harry]

Birds.

[Francis]

Biplane.

[Harry]

Yeah, I didn't, I didn't know all the details about.

[Ronan]

I don't know if he was actually drunk when he died, but I know he. I'm like almost positive he did get the dui. Flying a plane.

[Harry]

The only times I've like been had no fear of turbulence is when I've been shit faced.

[Ronan]

And you're just like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Francis]

Whoa.

[Ronan]

Oh yeah. It's like when I used to be like super afraid of flying. I. As soon as the turbulence started, I'm hitting the button. Let's get the beers going. Because I like, I just couldn't bear it sober.

[Harry]

Just waving a hundred dollar bill as a lady like stumbles down the turbulent aisle.

[Francis]

Do you think that 20, 26 is the year that you start drinking again?

[Ronan]

Oh, God, no.

[Harry]

God, yes.

[Francis]

Moderately no.

[Ronan]

I'm going back to just nothing in the system. Oxygen.

[Harry]

And the lie detector determined that was a lie.

[Ronan]

No, no. That's where I'm heading. Shit's just getting too real.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Ronan]

I got to lock it in, take it to the next level.

[Harry]

I support that.

[Francis]

We'll see.

[Harry]

How's your. What are you going to do to lock it in?

[Ronan]

I don't know. I mean, healthier.

[Harry]

Francis is on a war path. You could, like, take some notes. Feel like that'd be easy.

[Ronan]

What I really. The really, the only thing I should do is just start going to the gym again.

[Francis]

Do you know something that I have learned? The thing that has really changed my workout approach is that on days where I really don't want to work out and they happen. Yeah. I've learned to sort of recognize this feeling of I do not want to work out and have that be even more of a signal that I have to. As soon as I feel that, I say, all right, just. I'm just gonna go put my shorts on.

[Ronan]

Yeah, that's like. That's like a mental tough.

[Francis]

And I'm just straight up just gonna go start tying my workout shoes on.

[Harry]

It's like Mel Robbins said, let them.

[Francis]

Does that apply? I don't.

[Ronan]

Let them.

[Harry]

Let them. You don't want to work out, let them.

[Francis]

That doesn.

[Harry]

Yeah. Dude, have you listened to her show? I think you have to listen to get it.

[Ronan]

It sounds like Goggins. You're preaching goggles right now.

[Harry]

Let them.

[Ronan]

Mother Nature's a tough, but so am I. Yeah. Yeah. Who gives a.

[Harry]

And then he'll just run a 1 million mile race. Have you ever considered doing anything like that?

[Francis]

No.

[Harry]

A friend of mine just did a 90 hour or 90 mile race that took 21 hours to do. And it was like a dropout race where, like, as people, you just like. It's like, who quits?

[Francis]

Oh, you're thinking of a movie called the Long Walk.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis]

That's what you're thinking of.

[Harry]

I'm thinking of Lone Survivor.

[Francis]

It's very much the Hunger Games meets Chariots of Fire.

[Harry]

Oh, yeah. You said what, people? If you stop walking, you die or something.

[Francis]

Yeah. That's what you're thinking of.

[Ronan]

Forrest Gump.

[Harry]

Yeah. If he stopped walking, he dies.

[Ronan]

Have you guys watched the. The Diddy documentary?

[Francis]

No, but I want to simp to experience $0.50 Glee.

[Ronan]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Francis]

Did he produce it?

[Ronan]

I think so. Yeah.

[Francis]

I see little inside.

[Harry]

Little inside info. It's all propaganda.

[Ronan]

It didn't seem like it.

[Harry]

It's all. That's fabricated. That's all fabricated stories.

[Ronan]

It seemed like it was pretty much as real concrete evidence as it could get.

[Harry]

Yeah, that's the. The. The right hand's doing this, the left hand's doing that.

[Francis]

You know, Diddy, let him know. Yeah, let him, let him, let him.

[Harry]

Exactly.

[Francis]

Did he. Let him.

[Ronan]

I will say I didn't know how. Like, Diddy's got. Definitely got a little Forrest Gump in him.

[Harry]

He's just done everything he's done ever.

[Ronan]

He's literally done everything.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Ronan]

Like he's a part of everything. Like he's like Steve Jobs.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Ronan]

It's fucking insane.

[Harry]

He's like Elon Musk.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

And just because he's a brother from Harlem. I know people don't want to give him the respect he deserves.

[Ronan]

Because he likes to fucking. Because he likes to have sex on occasion.

[Harry]

I know. I never abandoned him now. Except for that brief moment when he struck Cassie, of course.

[Ronan]

Well, yeah, that's pretty brutal. But the documentary is nuts though.

[Francis]

How far in are you?

[Ronan]

I finished it.

[Francis]

How many episodes?

[Ronan]

Four.

[Francis]

How do you find time to do all that? Where do you. I couldn't.

Oh, because you go to bed at 4.

[Harry]

I watched.

[Francis]

Your day is twice as long as mine. Yeah, that's what it is. I forgot. I forgot. You're awake 75% more than I.

That's what. That's where you get the time.

[Harry]

It was pretty.

[Ronan]

It's a pretty good documentary though.

[Francis]

Your ratio of consciousness to mind is really, really lopsided.

[Ronan]

Definitely this week. This week has just been no sleep.

[Harry]

You've been the most conscious man alive.

[Ronan]

Yeah. But that's going back to normal starting today.

Going to bed at nine.

[Harry]

I don't buy that for one second.

[Ronan]

Waking up at four. I'm trying to get on my Jensen. My Jensen. Shit.

[Harry]

Jordan.

[Ronan]

Now the Nvidia guy.

[Harry]

Karp.

[Ronan]

No, I don't know what it's like. What's Jensen? What's his name? The dude from Nvidia. Like the CEO of Nvidia who is.

[Harry]

Doing push ups on the chair now.

[Ronan]

He said he reads 7,000 emails a day. Yeah. Yeah. I had a feeling that was it. I didn't want to be wrong though.

[Harry]

You didn't want to be.

[Francis]

That's new. That's a new thing. What? I've never heard you be somewhat uncertain.

[Harry]

It's just because it's a Chinese name.

[Ronan]

Oh yeah, because it's Chinese.

[Francis]

Okay.

[Ronan]

I didn't want to throw out Wong and it's not Wong.

[Harry]

He's not. It's not right.

[Francis]

It's either white or it's Wong.

[Harry]

Yeah, there it is. I think that it's just that you don't want to upset the overlords or Chinese overlords, of course.

[Ronan]

Well, you know, Jensen is actually not currently selling chips to the Chinese.

[Harry]

Really?

[Ronan]

We're waiting for that.

[Harry]

It's giving them away.

[Ronan]

Yeah, pretty much. I think they're stealing them anyway, though.

[Harry]

The thing about Diddy. The thing about the Diddy doc. Nobody's looking into Deleon.

[Ronan]

Is that like the. His. His boys?

[Harry]

No, it's the parent company of Ciroc. The liquor.

[Ronan]

Oh, yeah.

[Harry]

Follow the fucking money. That's all I'll say.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Okay. And they're gonna put this in the next documentary.

[Ronan]

Follow the money or follow the fucking 19 dudes that did confessionals in deep detail. That Liars. Yeah, they're all. It was up and it's like they. Turns out they all stopped hanging out with him like a day before he got arrested. And they were like. We knew. We knew it had gone too far. And that's when I cut him off. And then it cuts to like three days before trial.

[Harry]

Oh my.

[Ronan]

Like every single one of those dudes. Well, I. I guess all. All of them were getting too. But still they were there. I mean, they knew what was going on and they were there for a very long time.

[Harry]

Are you alleging gay sex?

[Ronan]

Alleging?

[Harry]

Are you alleging gay sex?

[Ronan]

I don't think I am. I think the documentary was fully alleging gay.

[Harry]

Those guys are lying though.

[Ronan]

No, no, they're all like halfway through, like at some point, one of them, they're all like, yeah. And then, you know. And then I got by Diddy.

[Harry]

They didn't do that. But the one transition is just like.

And it's just I think simulating gay sex, of course. Slapping of nutsack against butt crack.

[Ronan]

He's did. He's a whole ass freak. Like a whole. Like you like there's never been more of a freak than Diddy.

[Francis]

Really?

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

So he was really having sex with men, bro.

[Ronan]

He was having sex with anything that moves.

[Harry]

Yeah, but that's like just a nod to our Roman traditions. The fucking great Greeks of all time. You think he's freaker than Alexander the Great? Absolutely no chance, bro. They do you think he's freakier than Caligula or Nero, bro, the hotel room.

[Ronan]

That they are arrested, like when he got arrested.

[Harry]

And those are. And they're all historically freaky. Freaky bulls.

[Ronan]

No, they didn't have the technology to be as did.

[Harry]

He's freaky over Bluetooth.

[Ronan]

Like it's all advanced. Like it's. He took it to another level, dude.

[Francis]

The.

[Ronan]

They like the obviously like, you know, like the baby oil.

[Harry]

Yeah. What's freaky about that now?

[Ronan]

They found, like, all the baby oil in his house. There was, like, thousands of bottles, dude. Like the. When he got arrested in New York, they raided his hotel. He had baby oil in the hotel there. Like, he knew he was getting arrested and he couldn't stop himself.

[Harry]

What is he alleged to be using the baby oil for?

[Ronan]

Did you watch the doc?

[Harry]

Just episode one. Oh, bro, I could see through it.

[Ronan]

It was like the baby oil.

[Francis]

He goes to bed at 11.

[Ronan]

Baby oil is a staple.

[Harry]

What are they. What are they alleging happened with the baby oil?

[Francis]

The slick bandit?

[Ronan]

Any. Like, everything happened with the baby oil.

[Harry]

It was.

[Ronan]

They were like. They said they were going through, like, 10 bottles of baby oil, like a day.

[Francis]

You never hear about babies using baby oil anymore.

[Ronan]

Never.

[Francis]

It's really been co opted y. Yeah.

[Harry]

By the freaks.

[Francis]

It's really been culturally appropriated by perverts. Yeah.

[Harry]

I won't even let it around my baby because the implication.

[Ronan]

Of course. What do babies even need oil for?

[Harry]

Oh, no. Like, their cars.

[Ronan]

They're like little, like diaper ash.

[Francis]

Yeah. It's gonna be diaper rash. But for that now they've. Because of what Diddy, did you use the tubby Todd ointment and they're using olive oil.

[Ronan]

Oh, okay.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Ronan]

I was gonna say maybe we just like. Maybe they gotta regulate it down so it's just like a little, like, chapstick tube.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Ronan]

That's all you need avocado. No one needs more. Yeah. You don't need a little thing of aquaphor.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Ronan]

You know.

[Harry]

Yeah, it is. Aquaphor goes a long way.

[Francis]

Baby oil is to. Is what is like, what this. What happened to Jewel? Right. So it was it birthed of noble intentions.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Co opted for the wrong people.

[Ronan]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Francis]

In. In the case of Jules teens. And then in the case of baby oil. It's Diddy's roving circus of freaks.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Just because he wanted the gay sex to be more comfortable for everybody involved. I don't think. I don't understand why you want this, like, dry gay sex.

[Ronan]

I don't even know if he was directly. Guys, it was like.

[Harry]

It was.

[Ronan]

He was like, coordinating it. It was like he was the mastermind. He was the puppet. He was the puppet master. He's got everyone on a string, which.

[Harry]

Is amazing because he just showed what he can organize in the music world. He's like, oh, I can make Mary J. Blige a super duper star. I make Biggie a super duper star. Why not just, like, organize A gay orgy?

[Ronan]

I don't know. I mean, I guess if that's the direction it goes now.

[Harry]

You know what I mean?

[Ronan]

I don't know.

[Harry]

When you become a creative genius, like, there's. You really shouldn't be bound for it.

[Ronan]

Did you guys know about the high school thing that happened?

[Francis]

I'm going to be honest with you, which I have been this whole time. I have not seen the documentary, so I don't know anything but the first.

[Ronan]

You said you started the first episode.

[Francis]

No, I never said that.

[Ronan]

The heist. The.

[Francis]

I've been going to bed at 4:00pm.

[Ronan]

Yeah, well, I won't spoil. I won't spoil it.

[Harry]

What? It's on the record.

[Francis]

I don't think there's such a thing as really spoiling a documentary. Unless it's like, there is in there a doc that has a.

[Harry]

Just say what happened in high school?

[Ronan]

Oh, well, he, like, put on like a concert. Like, he like, set up like a show in like Harlem at like a high school and like a bunch. It was like the. It was like the Travis Scott, like astro world.

[Harry]

Like nine people died.

[Ronan]

Nine people died?

[Francis]

What?

[Ronan]

He was like 18 and he was like in charge of the entire thing. And then that's what made him famous. That's what he got famous from.

[Harry]

That's why Biggie wanted to work with him. Yeah, like, oh, you've killed a lot of people. Oh, this guy's a real gangster, dude. I'm out here shooting people one at a time. I could have just been putting on concerts.

[Ronan]

Isn't that crazy?

[Francis]

I mean, I was shocked by that.

[Harry]

But he was just a kid.

[Francis]

Wow. People got so excited. There were too many people. It turned into a crush.

[Ronan]

It was an overbooked flight.

[Harry]

Yeah, yeah, people. But people didn't lose their seats. They just let two people sit in first class. Yeah, they were just sharing first class.

[Ronan]

I think the tickets were like a dollar. Yeah.

[Harry]

Free Diddy, bro.

[Francis]

Damn, damn, damn.

[Harry]

He'll be out soon though, right?

[Ronan]

Doesn't seem like it.

[Francis]

Really?

[Harry]

Don't tell me that, bro.

[Francis]

I had a lot of flight credit. I have so much flight credit on Delta right now.

[Ronan]

Ye. From what?

[Francis]

And some of it was expiring in a week.

[Ronan]

Oh, yeah.

[Francis]

So I booked a bunch of my flights for the upcoming year ahead of time.

[Ronan]

Smart.

[Francis]

How smart is that?

[Ronan]

Yeah, but I feel like I always end up changing them.

[Francis]

Well, and then what? You lose the credit?

[Ronan]

No, you'll probably still get the credit.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Ronan]

Every time I book a flight more than like four days in advance, there's a 90% chance that I change it.

[Francis]

I'm thinking I might go to Japan.

[Ronan]

Before or after New Zealand?

[Francis]

Well, what do you mean, before?

[Harry]

He's going to New Zealand.

[Ronan]

Over to Japan.

[Francis]

I'm literally going in a week.

[Ronan]

Buzz on over to Japan a little early.

[Harry]

Oh, God, no. These have to be two different bites of two different fruits.

[Ronan]

You don't think he could do Japan in two days?

No.

Just add it on. Just add it on.

[Francis]

I did. Look at this. Do you know how long it is to go from Tokyo to Auckland? It's like 10 hours, 11 hours.

[Ronan]

Yeah. That's like here to Argentina. You think it's going to be a three hour flight.

[Francis]

Or here. From.

Here to Japan or here to Auckland. It's like a triangle.

[Ronan]

Oh, yeah.

[Francis]

You might as well just go from America.

[Ronan]

Yeah, there's no.

[Francis]

You're no closer to Japan or.

[Harry]

I always thought the Eastern hemisphere was the small one, you know?

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

I always thought that the Eastern hemisphere was tiny and the Western hemisphere is the big one, but it turns out it's not. I mean, same size.

[Francis]

That's. Okay, great. That's what my query was going to be. Aren't they the same size?

[Harry]

Just a joke.

[Ronan]

I don't think I could do. I don't think I could. I don't think I'm. I don't think I'm of age enough to go to Japan. I think I gotta.

[Francis]

Wait, what are we.

[Harry]

You're not. You're not neither.

[Ronan]

Gonna need, I think, like 10 more years until I go and you need.

[Harry]

To go on some other trips.

[Ronan]

Yeah, I just don't. I don't think I. I don't think I would appreciate it enough. I think I would go over there and I would be like, I can't believe how long that flight was.

[Francis]

Why don't we. Can we can. Ronan, I prescribe for you. You and backfill your youth that you've missed.

[Harry]

That would be nice.

[Ronan]

Definitely not.

[Harry]

Actually, we would. We do have the wisdom to give you this.

[Francis]

I think we do, man. All right, Harry. Like here, like what?

[Ronan]

Like trips to go on.

[Francis]

You're gonna go to Croatia this year.

[Harry]

Or like a hobby that you're gonna build with a group of people that you'll, like, be happy that you had, like, getting some golfing buddies or something like that.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Ronan]

I don't know about this.

[Harry]

Setting the foundation for, like.

[Ronan]

I think I'm good.

[Harry]

You being able to, like, suddenly, you know how to make like 20 different types of sandwiches or something like that.

[Francis]

I think we need to scratch. I could probably make. To make you go on a spring break because you never had spring break.

[Ronan]

Yeah, that's not.

[Francis]

I got. I got news for you, too. I never had spring break because we were always in season during spring break course. So we couldn't go anywhere. We had to go play Duke. And we got.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

By them.

[Harry]

Yeah, you got by Duke lacrosse.

[Francis]

They treated us like we were those strippers. Yeah. No, but we. We went down to. We played Penn. We lost, and then we went straight to Durham, and we were staying in a terrible hotel in March and practicing on some high school grass field for a week.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Only to prepare for Duke and get absolutely clobbered by them. And I was like. Well, then we flew home after a week, and I was like. And then we.

[Harry]

Oh.

[Francis]

But first we went. Then we flew out to Denver and lost to them.

[Ronan]

Jesus.

[Francis]

And we came home and I was like, wow. Everyone else got back from the Dominican Republic.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

And was like, wow. Punta Cana all tan. And I'm like, yeah. No, I. My right hand is broken because we lost three games in a row and it was a nightmare.

[Harry]

There's just like a girl in a neck brace, and she's like, yeah. Oklahoma drills happened to me, too. When did that start? On spring break. Just girls doing Oklahoma drills.

[Francis]

I know each other. I think we need Harry to go on a spring break by himself.

[Harry]

Yeah. And do some Oklahoma drills against some girls.

[Francis]

I want you drinking Mai Tai's out of a coconut.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

I want you doing drugs.

[Harry]

I want you having the worst tan. Like, the work. Like, wearing, like, a Penny Hardaway jersey. Getting, like, a farmer's tan. That scars you for, like two or three years.

[Ronan]

Yeah. Yeah. I'm not a big.

But I don't like the beach at, like, straight up. And then I definitely don't like it when there's, like, a ton of people on it.

[Francis]

Yeah, well, you will with. Because now you're.

[Ronan]

Because I'm on ecstasy.

[Francis]

Well, you're in college.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

And then in four years, we're gonna send you to Thailand for the full moon party.

[Ronan]

Oh, God, I don't want to go to town.

[Francis]

It's gonna be a coming of age moment.

[Ronan]

Why don't you guys just send me to Jersey or something? What do you say, Land?

[Harry]

I mean, what are you afraid of in Thailand?

[Ronan]

That you'll succeed, boys. Yeah.

[Harry]

You think you'll succumb? You think that the temptation will be too rich for you? I don't think, like, if you're not gonna. A lady boy, you're not gonna. A lady boy. But if you think that if they're. You just buy one that you might accidentally. One like, that's.

[Ronan]

No, I don't think I'm gonna a lady boy. In. In Thailand, could we send you Bo.

[Francis]

Peters and maybe Nate, depending on if he's real to spring break together? Could we do that?

[Ronan]

They have all. They all have done.

[Francis]

They've all done it. So we need to go even younger.

[Ronan]

What do you mean, younger?

[Francis]

We need to find three people with whom you could go who are younger, who are actually going. Yeah. Actually going on.

[Ronan]

I'm trying to think if I ever did do anything on spring break.

[Francis]

No, you didn't.

[Ronan]

I think I might have gone to Tampa when I was a freshman.

[Francis]

Really?

[Ronan]

Because Nate went to school in Tampa.

[Francis]

Oh.

[Ronan]

But it wasn't really spring break because Covid was happening.

[Francis]

So there you go. You've never had spring break.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

What was going on there? Gasparilla?

[Ronan]

No, we. He. One of his roommates just got the Oculus, the VR headset. So that's pretty much what we did all weekend. It was insane. That was one of those things.

[Francis]

Flew to Tampa because someone there had an Occupy.

[Ronan]

No, no, no. I didn't even know what it was. I didn't even know what it was. We got there, and he was like, check this out.

[Francis]

Out.

[Ronan]

And then I was just. 20 hours straight. But we went out.

[Francis]

My buddy just got in. Oculus. Say less. I'm on my way.

[Harry]

My buddy just got something. He won't tell me what it is saying to come to Tampa.

[Francis]

He says, is a week enough time? Is that going to be enough time?

[Ronan]

Have you guys ever used it?

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

I thought you could just do it in two days.

[Ronan]

The Oculus was technically. It was just, like, the best for like, an hour. Yeah. And then you're like, I'm probably never gonna use this again.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Ronan]

But it. Like, when you first fire it up.

[Harry]

You'Re like, I feel like I'm falling.

[Ronan]

Yeah. And they have a game where it's like, you. You. Because you have the two controls, and then you got the headset on, and you're like, there's a game where you gotta, like, peek around corners, and there's these dudes, and you're blasting at them, and it's. It's fun as fuck. But the problem is, like, I have one. I'll bring it in. We'll do something with it in here. I'll bring it in.

[Francis]

Okay.

[Ronan]

Because it's my. I can't do anything with it in My apartment. It's too small.

[Francis]

Can you just do something for me, though? Sure. I want you to do something to backfill the youth that was ripped from you.

[Ronan]

We're bringing the Oculus in.

[Francis]

No. Come on.

[Ronan]

We'll simulate spring break on the Oculus. You can do anything with that. We'll go to Tampa on that.

[Francis]

I want you.

I want you to study abroad this year.

[Ronan]

Yeah, that's not happening.

[Francis]

Can we have you just for a week or something?

[Ronan]

I'm in the States, brother.

[Francis]

We'll do, like, a Billy Madison version of it so it's all truncated and packed in.

[Harry]

Let's go to Edinburgh.

[Ronan]

Where's that?

[Francis]

Scotland.

[Ronan]

Scotland.

[Harry]

Little study abroad in Edinburgh.

[Ronan]

I would definitely go to Scotland.

[Harry]

I mean, we, like, take him for some. We do classes for him.

[Francis]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Harry]

We can plan his, like, whole abroad trip or something like that.

[Ronan]

Nah.

[Harry]

Yes.

[Ronan]

I'm going to Europe. Twice this. Twice this year already.

[Francis]

What?

[Ronan]

Yeah, I'm going to England and Paris.

[Francis]

What are you seeing in England?

[Ronan]

Telluride. Bush. Competing.

[Francis]

There's a musical already.

[Harry]

There.

[Francis]

You've made. You franchised it into a musical?

[Ronan]

I wish. No, but there's. There's tournament in England and Paris. I don't know. I'm saying England because I don't know where in England it is because it's not in London.

[Harry]

Yeah. Where is it?

[Ronan]

I don't know.

[Francis]

Can I come to Paris with you?

[Ronan]

Sure. The more the merrier.

[Francis]

I mean it.

[Ronan]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Francis]

Do you know that I speak French?

[Ronan]

I do.

[Francis]

Isn't that weird? It's pretty gay.

[Ronan]

I think Matt speaks French. My buddy Peters, he, like, very, very loosely.

[Francis]

Well, that's not me. I speak.

[Ronan]

It's fluent. But is it like. But like, if you were in, like, a bar in France.

[Francis]

If I were in a bar in France. If we went to a restaurant in France and they were going to be snobby because they thought we were Americans, and I started speaking to the maitre d, they would change their attitude about us.

[Ronan]

You think?

[Francis]

I know.

[Harry]

Do you understand?

[Francis]

I. I grew up in France. My. The French. I learned was what was as a child.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

In France.

[Harry]

Sing the song about Avignon for him.

[Francis]

Mike stand. I'm gonna lose my fucking mind. It just wilts. It's like a dick that won't hold.

[Harry]

Sing the song about an Avignon for him one time.

[Francis]

That's all I have.

[Ronan]

If I'm in France, I'm seeing that and I'm going American.

[Francis]

Don't you worry. Don't you worry.

[Ronan]

That was American.

[Francis]

I'll wear my capris and my pointy shoes.

[Ronan]

The capris are the worst. It's crazy that they wear those.

[Francis]

I brought a pair back ones because I thought I was real French. And my buddy Michael, he goes, are those short pants or long shorts? And that made John Watson laugh so hard and then I threw them away way.

[Ronan]

Yeah, that's smart. You can't be wearing capris in America.

[Francis]

My mom was a French teacher. That's.

[Ronan]

Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. Makes sense.

[Harry]

In goddamn Avignon.

[Ronan]

In Avignon, no.

[Francis]

At Yale.

[Harry]

Oh, damn.

[Ronan]

Oh, that's pretty good too. Why not Harvard?

[Francis]

She had done her PhD at Yale and then went into being a professor.

[Harry]

You know what I said?

[Francis]

Teacher to be humble.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Ronan]

Professor, Professor.

[Harry]

You know what I learned in France? That I was scared that they'd be snobby because I don't have any French. And my hack even at the really bougie restaurants don't even speak a word of French.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Make them come to you. And they respected it. I didn't get any attitude. Whereas I got way more attitude on trips where I was trying to, I tried to bonjour and mayor. See my way into in and out of situations. Just don't even give them anything. Dress nice. Don't dress like a sobbed out American.

[Ronan]

But why do you, why do you think it is though they get mad when people try to speak French? Like wouldn't you be like, like if someone came up to you in a marriage there and spoke.

[Francis]

They're not.

[Ronan]

You wouldn't be like what the fuck?

[Francis]

They're really. Where did you and sort of insecure people is my theory. Right. So my theory is that, my theory is that when Germany ran them over.

[Harry]

And basically and all their women fucked the soldiers and then had to get their heads shaved.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Out of shame.

[Francis]

When, when Germany ran them over and they needed us to bail them out then recapturing their culture and like needing to be proud of it. But in a way that was like, well yeah, we wouldn't, we wouldn't be us if not for outside help. Maybe, maybe there's a little insecurity there. And they're probably especially towards Americans because there was a time after World War II ended and Paris was liberated where American soldiers were stationed there and would go into the cafes and probably like expect free lunch and.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

And it probably got old after a little bit. I don't know. That's my theory.

[Ronan]

I, I, I, I could see that for sure.

[Francis]

Historically. Not a country that can maintain its own sovereignty.

[Ronan]

I know.

[Harry]

Well body their imperial Ass.

[Ronan]

I'm French. I'm furious right now.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

How dare he say this.

Angry ass. French listeners. I bet that we have zero percent.

[Francis]

It is true though that they're more than any other country I've ever been to. Like the way that they change their attitude towards you when you. When they realize that you understand what's going on there. Son of a boy. Dad is brought to you by Game Time. We are a few days into the 12 days of game Time, which means they are giving away prizes every day with a $5,000 grand prize at the end.

[Harry]

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[Francis]

I could use a little five grand.

[Harry]

Who couldn't use five grand at the holidays? What red blooded American that would cover.

[Francis]

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[Harry]

So nice to stretch out in the aisle. Unless they start coming down the aisle with a musical number like, yeah, that Lion King style that's.

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[Harry]

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[Ronan]

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[Francis]

I'm thinking about it, brother.

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[Francis]

Really?

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

I found them pretty friendly, actually.

[Ronan]

I found them like, like any, like we would walk into a restaurant, like having a conversation and it would be like, like the place would come to like a full stop.

[Francis]

Whoa.

[Ronan]

Heads turning and looking at us.

[Francis]

I mean, historically in Scandinavia, which obviously has a pretty strong influence over Iceland. Yeah. Denmark.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Iceland. The. They are pretty frosty.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

That's just kind of who they are. They're pretty reserved.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Ronan]

I could.

[Francis]

They're not like an outgoing people. If you want friendly, I'll give you the number one friendliest country I've ever been to. Do you want to know what it is?

[Harry]

Sit down for this one.

[Francis]

Dude, Amsterdam, Dutch. The Dutch were the most unbelievably friendly, warm.

[Ronan]

How long ago did you go there?

[Francis]

That was last summer.

[Harry]

Yeah, yeah, but that's because they thought. They thought they recognized you from school two summers ago.

[Francis]

Yeah, but dude, when I'm in. When I'm in. When I'm in Sweden, they all think I'm Swedish too.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis]

And then, and then I like, I respond in English and then they're like, oh, sorry, we don't.

[Ronan]

Yeah, we don't talk with you.

[Francis]

I mistook you for my cousin.

[Ronan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Francis]

And then I'm told that New Zealand is also incredibly friendly. I'm sure Australia is very friendly too.

[Ronan]

Never been.

[Francis]

But dude, I'm telling you, I went and sat at a cafe in Amsterdam on the river. And the seats were packed together, packed on these outdoor tables. And to my right were two Dutch boys and then a Dutch couple on the other side of them.

[Ronan]

Your Dutch boys, I forgot.

[Francis]

Dutch boys. Yeah, yeah. Dutch masters.

[Ronan]

Yeah. Didn't you talk, didn't you like become friends with those?

[Francis]

Yeah, I ordered a couple bottles of wine and started sharing it. And immediately. Well, I guess when you ply people with alcohol, it's pretty easy for them to pretend to be your friend.

[Ronan]

Everyone's so nice here. Here's a four thousand dollar bottle of wine.

[Harry]

Just handing them cash, you know, they really appreciated it. They wanted to like keep on hanging out as long as I was giving them money.

[Ronan]

What happened with your. What happened when you were in, in, in Amsterdam with the weed?

[Francis]

That was not a friendly experience.

[Ronan]

That was like they like kicked you out or something.

[Francis]

That's where I almost, I almost could see that. I could almost trace where that was coming from because I went to that shop and I went in and I was like, do you guys have any hybrids? And they were like, we have what we have.

[Ronan]

What the is a hybrid?

[Francis]

Yeah, they were like. They were. It was one of those things. My. Okay, I'm hypothesizing again a little here, but I think that 15, 20 years ago, there was this unbelievable novelty that Amsterdam was the one place you could go and buy legal weed. And we all knew that that was like, of course, whoa, this mystical place. And then of course, California. And in every. Yeah, half the country here legalized it. Michigan and like elevated weed into this experience of, you know, great variety in every form. Here's iced tea with weed in it. And, you know, here's a bag of Skittles that have weed in it.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis]

And Americans now are accustomed to that such that when they go over to Amsterdam and want to buy weed, our weed situation is far better than theirs is. Yeah, they've stayed simple and they have like one joint. They've failed and it's kind of.

[Harry]

They failed at the only thing they were known for.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Ronan]

And is it crap, though? Or is it because everyone here is taking like 600 milligram edibles? And, you know, I ended up buying dabs to their brain every night, you.

[Harry]

Know, I said, dab rig.

[Ronan]

Okay, here's where I could fill up my torch around here.

[Francis]

I asked them what is the best top strain weed you have? And they pointed me to the California weed.

[Ronan]

Yeah, yeah, that's tough.

[Francis]

They had to import their best weed from California, from Cali.

[Harry]

They can't grow out there, bro. They don't have the topography.

[Ronan]

It's wrong climate.

[Harry]

It's a fucking swamp over there. Where are you going to? Unless it's hydroponic, you're not growing any heat out there. After this. I have to go take my kids to go see Santa.

[Ronan]

Oh, really? Where?

[Harry]

My kids at Herald Square. And they said it's impossible to sign up. We just like randomly got a time and they said, come between 5:20 and 5:25 or. No, 5 and 5:25. And in the fine print it says from there you can expect to wait in line for 30 minutes to 90 minutes. So I'm signing up for two hours. If I get there at five, I'm signing up for a potential seven o' clock landing spot on Santa's lap. And that was like just coveted scream.

[Ronan]

Crying.

[Francis]

Would you like me to save you the time? And then in three years I sit them down and just tell them that three years prior they went and saw Santa in Herald Square.

[Harry]

AI should be able to do this.

[Francis]

I can act as a. Oh, you're.

[Ronan]

Going to play Santa?

[Francis]

No, I'm just going to. Because they don't know.

[Harry]

He's going to be like, oh, I was there.

[Francis]

They're not. They're not. Are they forming memories yet?

[Harry]

God, no. Not for two years.

[Francis]

So I'll just back off.

[Harry]

Back me up. It's like the guys in the Diddy documentary.

[Francis]

It's just like lying, right. I'm gonna do to them what I'm gonna do to you with your spring break.

[Harry]

Yeah, back Fill their youth with like, oh, you. You saw Santa and you loved it. In reality, they were at home staring at a white wall.

Because they couldn't form memories yet.

[Ronan]

And you got a lot of white walls too.

[Harry]

I'm rich. With white walls. Different white wall every day.

[Ronan]

Your apartment is blinding. You walk in there and you're squinting.

[Harry]

Yeah, it's very white wall, too.

[Francis]

Yeah.

You see a mosquito on that wall, you are not allowed to kill.

[Ronan]

Oh, no. Oh, no matter.

[Francis]

Just wait until it takes off and then you try to catch it out.

[Harry]

Of the air like a Jackson Pollock. And, well, it goes well with the white couch.

[Ronan]

This is like these. Honestly, these look like something you would have in your house.

[Harry]

Just cubes.

[Ronan]

Yeah, just some cubes.

[Harry]

Yeah, we used to have fucking all manner of shape.

[Francis]

Are you insulting his decor?

[Ronan]

I'm flaming it a little bit.

[Harry]

Well, you know who you're coming at.

[Ronan]

I know. I apologize because I got nothing to.

[Harry]

Do with the decor. This.

[Francis]

This coming from a man who decorated his home with debris.

[Ronan]

What does that even mean?

[Francis]

You know what it means.

[Ronan]

I have no idea what that means.

[Harry]

You know how, like, debris, when the high tide has gone down, your house.

[Francis]

Is filled with flotsam and jetsam?

[Harry]

There's so much jetsam.

[Ronan]

What the fuck is flotsam and jetsam?

[Harry]

This and that, dude. You have this and that everywhere. Where it's really. When like the high apartment down, and there's just, like, these lines at the beach of, like, bottles and old Barbie dolls.

[Ronan]

My apartment's got personality. You walk in there and you go, I know everything about this person.

[Francis]

It's got untethered lobster booties and pieces of shipwrecked.

[Harry]

Yeah. Wood that's been shorn down.

[Francis]

There is a distinct difference, by the way, between flotsam and jetsam. I think one is pieces of a ship that burst apart, and then the other is just random that washes ashore. But I'm gonna look it up because I love this.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Hansel and Gretel Jetsum, Meet the jetsum.

[Ronan]

Well, so 50 says that apparently there's going to be another documentary about my boy. Yeah.

[Harry]

What that. He's putting out that.

[Ronan]

About Jay.

[Harry]

Oh, that. Jay's putting one out now.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Ronan]

No, no, I don't think Jay is putting one out.

[Harry]

I think 50 is trying to do another hit piece. He's doing Pablo Torre shit. So he's just trying to take down everybody. I mean, I might make one on 50 then.

[Ronan]

You wouldn't dare.

[Harry]

I might have to make one on 50.

[Ronan]

50'S the goat 50s.

[Harry]

Just the harbinger of negative documentary stories.

[Ronan]

Yeah, I mean, I got no problem with it.

[Harry]

Yeah. I guess if he's. If he's telling the truth, but he's not.

[Francis]

It's so weird that 50 Cent has had this unbelievable character rebrand from the kind of guy that was shot and many men wish death bomb me to like being friends with Martha Stewart and banging the thinking of Snoop Dogg.

[Harry]

Chelsea Handler.

[Francis]

Chelsea Handler and then being this like, smiley troll.

[Ronan]

Yeah, he's definitely a troll.

[Francis]

He's a troll. It's cool. It's second chapter of his life. I like that.

[Ronan]

He's still the real deal, though.

[Francis]

I know that. That.

[Harry]

What do you mean?

[Ronan]

I'm not a question play around with 50.

[Harry]

What do you mean? He's the real deal.

[Ronan]

You know what I mean?

[Harry]

Like, his old music is still good.

[Ronan]

Everything about him is still good.

[Francis]

He really did get shot.

[Ronan]

He really did get.

[Harry]

His new music's good.

[Ronan]

Oh, yeah.

[Harry]

Like what?

[Ronan]

I mean, I don't do the canon tapes. You ever listen to that?

[Harry]

Huh?

[Ronan]

I don't know how to pronounce it. The con on tape.

[Harry]

Oh, yeah. From the show.

[Ronan]

No.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Ronan]

What power.

[Harry]

Raising canon. Yeah, that. Raising Canaan.

[Ronan]

I don't know.

[Francis]

I had some Canaan.

[Ronan]

I don't got time for this right now.

[Francis]

Tikka Masala last night.

[Harry]

It's just been off of power.

[Francis]

Sorry, is that. That's non canon. I'm thinking of non.

[Ronan]

Well, great album regardless.

[Francis]

When was the last time that he actually recorded music?

[Ronan]

That was probably 2016. Maybe before.

[Francis]

Has he had no reason to because he's made money in other ventures?

[Ronan]

I think so, probably.

[Harry]

I mean, you always. If you're an artist, you always have a reason to. It's the market that decides.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

And unfortunately, the market hasn't been kind to him. So he's outwardly pointing that fucking. That hatred at innocent people like Diddy and Jay Z.

[Francis]

It does seem that rap is a young man's game.

[Ronan]

Oh, definitely.

[Harry]

I talked to a rapper when I was in Los Angeles, and he was like, I think within 20 years, there won't even be rap rappers. And I was like, what the just happened? And he was like, everybody's just going to be a content creator that also raps. But, like, just as a. As you just a rapper, he thinks it's gonna stop.

[Ronan]

Really?

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Ronan]

Yeah. He must suck at rapping.

Yeah. Because it's not like. Like, Lil Baby and Key Glock aren't making content.

[Harry]

Yeah, they are, dude. No, they're doing, like, house tours.

[Ronan]

They're just spitting bars.

[Harry]

They're doing. Doing the Cribs now.

[Ronan]

That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. That's someone that just sucks at rapping.

[Francis]

But rap is changing immensely. When I turn on the rap of today that people like. I don't recognize it at all. Well, what?

[Ronan]

Like what?

[Francis]

It's all so auto tuned and melodic. There's. It's more singy.

[Harry]

Yeah, you're thinking of song, you're thinking of sing. Sing. I don't know.

[Ronan]

You're listening to the right shit, brother.

[Francis]

Trust me. I'm not listening to it at all. It just finds me and I have to, to try to decipher it.

[Ronan]

I feel like they're. People throw like everything under rap because.

[Harry]

If a black guy, if a black guy's singing, they're like this new Leon Bridges rap is bullshit.

[Ronan]

The Weeknd's my least favorite rapper. I can't stand that guy.

[Francis]

Verse, chorus, verse, chorus.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Thank you.

[Ronan]

Like fitty.

[Harry]

Thank you.

[Francis]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ronan]

But they still got songs like that.

[Francis]

No, they don't.

[Ronan]

Oh yeah, they do.

[Harry]

Well, name one.

[Ronan]

I mean I, I don't gotta name them. It exists.

[Harry]

But new, new stuff that's coming out sounds like that.

[Ronan]

Like, I mean, you know, like Drake's always putting out.

[Harry]

Drake?

[Ronan]

What's that one with Drake and Lil Baby?

[Harry]

It's bigger than black and white.

[Ronan]

No.

[Francis]

Whatever happened to.

[Ronan]

But that's got like, that's like verse, chorus.

[Francis]

Gucci mane.

[Ronan]

Well, I mean, Gucci.

He's kind of old, so there you go.

[Francis]

So you just, you reach an age where you, you can't do it anymore.

[Ronan]

I think it's like too tiring. I think it's kind of like. It's probably like comedy in the way that a lot of people, they get successful and then what are they gonna rap about? Like, it's like they, they run out of struggle.

[Harry]

Rappers.

[Ronan]

Yeah. Like 50 cents. Not gonna rap about killing people. He is a successful person now and probably just lives a pretty normal life.

[Harry]

Mm hmm.

That's why Bob Dylan's the goat.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

He probably is smarter about his money now too.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Whereas before when he was younger, it was fun to listen to him rap about his rims and his.

[Ronan]

Yeah, of course.

[Francis]

Escalades. And now he's like. I want to hear about informal.

[Ronan]

Exactly.

[Francis]

Yielding.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

20 growth. Thanks to the incredible foresight of my financial advisor.

[Ronan]

Exactly.

[Harry]

I think he has a 401k.

[Ronan]

Absolutely.

[Francis]

Yeah, I think he probably does at this point. Point. Because he's probably gained all his money. Lost it. Gained it more. Lost it.

[Ronan]

Well, he went, they said that he went. He, he filed for bankruptcy a couple years ago, but then he posted that video with the popsicle when he was eating the popsicle and they were like yeah, I'm bro. And he's like, I'm broke. And then he opens up the refrigerator and it was just filled with cash.

[Francis]

Oh, so then he might not have a 401k.

[Ronan]

Yeah, he might not. I think he's more of a liquid guy. Yeah.

He had, like. But he had, like, topper. Like, massive, like, storage containers just filled with cash. Yeah, that's all I'm trying to get.

[Francis]

Not great.

[Ronan]

I don't want anything in the bank.

[Harry]

Want to go to the Container Store and buy your safe?

[Ronan]

Exactly.

[Harry]

In some plastic.

[Ronan]

I want to see all of my money. Like, I want to know. Like, you want it all. I want it all there.

[Harry]

You can't. You can't even get your own money. No.

[Ronan]

You don't even. It's not.

[Harry]

First, explain to the boy how banks lend against what they don't have.

[Francis]

Well. Well, it doesn't work that way. Your money's all over in Ted's house. And Ted's house is tied up in Marge's house.

[Ronan]

I'm going back. I'm going all liquid 26.

[Francis]

That's from it's a Wonderful Life, by the way. Have you seen that movie?

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Ronan]

He dies now.

[Francis]

I beg of you, don't do this thing.

[Harry]

Jimmy Stewart.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Ronan]

Classic Jimmy.

[Harry]

What a great transatlantic accent. The original trans people. Transatlantic.

[Ronan]

The Atlantics, Mr. Potter.

[Harry]

Why? You see.

Yeah. That is. Banks are sneaky as hell, bro.

[Ronan]

They're sneaky and they'll.

[Harry]

You let me keep them up. Just like Diddy, the Banks. And Lloyd Banks, too.

[Ronan]

Lloyd Banks.

[Harry]

We're talking Diddy.

[Ronan]

Of course.

[Harry]

Which we are.

[Francis]

It's not that I can't stop, it's that I won't stop. What's that? I make it hot. I do it.

[Ronan]

Is that Diddy?

[Francis]

Lloyd Banks.

[Ronan]

Oh, Frank Black.

[Harry]

If I can't do it, homie, it can't be done.

[Ronan]

You know Frank Black.

[Francis]

I'm Frank Ocean now.

[Ronan]

Frank Black.

[Francis]

Well, he is. His name is Frank Ocean.

[Ronan]

He's got like 700 names.

[Harry]

How is it possible that Frank Sinatra is still getting, like, good PR? First off, I didn't even know that he was 5 7. But that is that, like, they're saying that he had like a 20 pound dick or whatever that. That just came out this week. Had a 20 pound dick.

[Ronan]

That can't be. I mean, that's like the size of a baby.

[Francis]

A baby. A big baby.

[Ronan]

A big baby.

[Harry]

Yeah. That's a toddler.

[Ronan]

Toddler.

[Harry]

That's a toddler. The toddler size penis.

[Ronan]

That's what's coming out this week on A5 Natural Man.

[Harry]

5 7. Frank Sinatra has had a toddler siiz penis. So he's 100 pounds, 57 and then 20 pounds of penis.

[Francis]

Frank Sinatra's penis started walking at six months.

[Harry]

Yeah, that penis was teething.

But just how is that coming out now? He's been dead for what?

[Francis]

Frank Sinatra's penis's first words were luck be a lady tonight.

[Harry]

The summer wind. Yeah. Dude, I can't believe. I just couldn't believe that there's like a documentary where someone's just singing the praises of his bird.

[Ronan]

Yeah, I know. Right?

[Harry]

After you guys go. After you guys go. I'll still.

[Ronan]

I'll make sure.

[Harry]

I'll make sure to bend a microphone with your tails of your.

[Ronan]

I'll make sure I keep your guys dicks in the. In the.

[Harry]

In my mouth.

[Ronan]

No, no, no.

[Francis]

Hey, when's this. When's that Paris trip happening?

[Ronan]

I don't know. I gotta look at the schedule.

[Francis]

You want to go for our birthdays.

[Ronan]

To Paris? Yeah, I already got to go to Paris.

[Francis]

So we'll make it our birthday trip.

[Ronan]

Well, no, it's. I'm going there on business.

[Francis]

Let's stay at Hotel de Crillon.

[Ronan]

I'm staying in an Airbnb with my team. You're welcome to join.

[Francis]

Huh?

[Ronan]

I said you're welcome to join.

[Francis]

Why are you doing an Airbnb there?

[Ronan]

I don't know if we will in Paris, but we are in everywhere else, I think.

[Francis]

Okay.

[Ronan]

Content.

[Francis]

Well, it would be nice for us to, you know, do some fun.

[Harry]

And it doesn't. It doesn't have to be Edinburgh, but if it. It will be. If we don't find something better.

[Francis]

Your birthday's in what?

[Harry]

April.

[Ronan]

April.

[Francis]

We should all do a birthday trip.

[Ronan]

I thought that's what you meant.

[Francis]

I forgot that Ron's was close. I know. You and I are both.

[Ronan]

No, I'm April, bro.

[Francis]

What?

[Harry]

You guys are both Aries, but I.

[Ronan]

Think we're both Aries.

[Harry]

No, I'm not.

[Ronan]

You're on the back end.

[Harry]

Yeah. You guys are both Aries, though. I know.

[Ronan]

And you're on the back end of.

[Francis]

March at the end.

[Ronan]

Yeah, and I'm on the front end of April, so.

[Harry]

So where are you guys saying what? What? Just find out when that bush tournament is.

[Ronan]

Let me see.

[Harry]

Luck be a lady tonight.

[Ronan]

Let me take over.

[Francis]

Do I have anything to tell you guys? I don't think I do.

[Ronan]

I mean, my big one was Diddy.

[Harry]

You guys have.

[Ronan]

Which unfortunately is not really breaking news.

[Harry]

You have stuff, but it's not. You just can't say it yet.

[Ronan]

What?

[Harry]

No, he has some, like, sick in the hall in the Harper.

[Ronan]

Really?

[Francis]

Dennis Hopper.

[Ronan]

Make sure to put a stop to that.

[Harry]

You already tried. Tried and failed.

[Ronan]

Let's see.

[Francis]

I'll tell you something that I've noticed, which I think is a funny development. And I am. This is. I'm working on a bit about this in June, so I. Oh, yeah.

[Ronan]

I didn't know it was that late.

[Harry]

Oh, let's go for Bastille Day, June.

[Ronan]

26, or June 25 to the 28th, 2026, in Paradis, France.

[Francis]

Okay.

[Ronan]

And then the other one's in Birmingham.

[Harry]

Oh, Brom. Oh, bro. I've been to Brom.

[Francis]

That's.

[Harry]

I did a rap.

[Ronan]

That's a pretty shitty place, right?

[Harry]

I think it's the ugliest, worst city in England, maybe.

[Ronan]

Really?

[Harry]

It's like the industrial capital of England.

[Ronan]

They never said it was going to be easy. Starting in the trenches.

[Francis]

You're going to Paris and Birmingham.

[Ronan]

Well, Paris is still going to be sick.

[Francis]

I know Paris is sick, but how.

[Ronan]

Far away is Birmingham from, like, London?

[Harry]

Took a couple hours.

[Ronan]

Oh, really?

[Harry]

I believe so.

[Ronan]

So it's like straight up, it's gonna be ass.

[Harry]

I mean, I had a good time when I was out there in Birmingham.

[Francis]

Yeah, It's a university town, but it feels like someone.

[Ronan]

I'm gonna get, like, someone's gonna throw acid at me.

[Harry]

Oh, is that new? Sasquatch.

[Ronan]

I don't like the idea of being in, like, a bad area in another country. Yeah, Like, I'm fine doing that in America, but. Whoa.

[Francis]

Sorry.

I wanted to tell you that actually. Never mind.

[Harry]

You don't want to give us the bit?

[Francis]

No, it's not that good.

[Harry]

Just fucking give us a taste of it.

[Francis]

One thing that women. And this. I won't do the bit.

[Ronan]

Oh, here we go.

[Francis]

No, I'm not going to do the bit. No, you're absolutely right.

[Harry]

Come on, we need it. We need it. Come on. Don't be stingy with the bit.

[Francis]

It's not a. I'm not going to do the bit. It.

[Harry]

Don't be shallow with the pussy.

[Francis]

She's shallow. I learned that. That's not the lyric.

[Harry]

It isn't.

[Ronan]

It's shallow in the. Cuz Diddy helped write it.

[Francis]

Shallow. She's shallow in the. She's shallow.

[Ronan]

I think that is lyrics.

[Harry]

Shallow with the.

[Ronan]

Shallow with the.

[Harry]

Not in the. Yeah, that's like ugly in the face. Like, shallow in the. Shallow with the. She. Shallow. Tell us the thing about women, dude. Now. Because now I'm gonna. I'm drawing my own conclusions about what women do.

[Francis]

She's shallow but the pussy deep is what it really says.

[Harry]

Really?

[Francis]

Really? Yeah. Trust me. I looked this. I had this same problem.

[Harry]

She shallow but the pussy deep. Shallow, shallow but the pussy deep. Shallow.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Ronan]

I don't know if I like that version. Like, I'm gonna stick with mine.

[Harry]

Yeah, the. Miss. The mishearing is a little bit nicer.

[Francis]

Isn't that weird?

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis]

What the.

[Ronan]

You should change it.

[Harry]

Yeah, get. I mean, that might be the type of thing you can edit in Genius. Yeah. The same way you can edit a Wikipedia.

[Ronan]

You know what I love about Genius is that you can make like a. Like a card, like with the lyrics. And you can just put any photo.

[Harry]

Yeah, that is nice on it.

[Ronan]

I'll send one. I'll send a couple later.

[Francis]

What are you. Where are you gonna end up this year on Delta, status wise?

[Ronan]

Oh.

Platinum.

[Francis]

All right, Roan, but I'm done.

[Ronan]

I'm out. I'm going back to fucking Expedia, dude. I'm done with this bullshit.

[Harry]

Expedia.

[Francis]

Good luck, Expedia.

[Ronan]

Priceline.

[Francis]

Paying full price for your fucking first class ticket.

[Ronan]

I already did have. I already do.

[Francis]

It's crazy to me.

[Ronan]

I'm done being loyal. Such a princess to an airline.

[Francis]

Princess of the skies.

[Harry]

Diamond with the last flight of the year.

[Francis]

Me too. My last flight of the year is what's going to get me there.

[Harry]

Just touching.

[Ronan]

I honestly might get it.

[Francis]

No, you won't.

[Ronan]

Yeah, I probably will.

[Harry]

Where are you going?

[Ronan]

Dallas.

[Harry]

How close are you?

[Ronan]

Let's see.

[Harry]

It'll say you're pending right on there.

[Francis]

Look at that. Look at how close I am.

[Ronan]

I can't believe you guys.

[Harry]

Don't go down the wall. Fly to Philly.

[Francis]

I know. I'm $126 away. I'm gonna get it with my flight to New Zealand.

[Ronan]

Oh, I'm actually pretty far.

[Francis]

Yeah. I knew Harry was cooked.

[Ronan]

Platinum medallion. But I'm not that far. I'm getting there.

[Harry]

I mean, you don't have any time left. What do you mean you're getting there? Just the fucking middle of December.

A couple more months.

[Ronan]

I'm fucked.

[Harry]

What, are they gonna extend the year for you?

[Ronan]

Yeah. I'm not getting it. I'm definitely not. Literally no possible way to get it.

[Francis]

You could take a first class flight to London for the weekend. This weekend.

Why that? There's so many good musicals for you to see right now.

[Ronan]

The.

[Harry]

The.

[Ronan]

Because I know people do that. They'll like still take an extra flight to get the status. It's over, I'm telling you.

[Harry]

But, but it's not like they're like, it's over. Subjected to London. Like they probably do something nice there in London. It's not like, oh, we have to go to London.

[Ronan]

It doesn't. It, it's over.

[Francis]

Now you'll go.

[Ronan]

You're not only getting rid of the Delta card.

[Francis]

You're so full of it.

[Ronan]

Scam and a half.

[Francis]

You're going back and forth on this. A second ago you were like, well, I'm still going to get there.

[Harry]

Maybe I'm not putting in any.

[Ronan]

I'm not putting in. I'm not putting in any ex. Any added efforts to get there because.

[Harry]

You'Re realizing you're not going to be part of the club.

[Ronan]

I don't want to be part of the club.

[Francis]

Club.

[Harry]

Yeah. Because you can't be part of the club.

[Ronan]

I gotta. You know what I gotta do is I gotta.

[Harry]

You gotta turn in your diamonds.

[Ronan]

Yeah, I got a status. I gotta do my. That status transfer before United finds out that I'm not Diamond. Or else I'm.

[Harry]

Yeah, I mean, you'll have a status transfer for one week and then you'll have to be reset.

[Ronan]

No, I think they'll do it for the next year.

[Harry]

They're gonna advance you to a status you don't have for next year.

[Francis]

I don't know. I don't know.

[Harry]

United is. I mean, this is a dubious proposition that you're going to make the switch, but I respect the hell out of it.

[Ronan]

I'm making the switch, bro.

[Harry]

Aura frames is the answer to every holiday gifting moment. Never struggle again to find the perfect holiday gift. Aura frames have been a staple of both of my parents lives because I gave them the aura frame. I brought them the memories. I gave them the memories in real time and then I gave them in the aura frame package. And I don't think my parents know this yet, but you could put videos on that thing too.

[Ronan]

Oh yeah.

[Harry]

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[Ronan]

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[Harry]

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[Ronan]

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[Harry]

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[Ronan]

Yeah. How are you guys gonna get there? Delta connection. Fly a CRJ 900 across the Atlantic.

[Harry]

The lay down seats that we're gonna have are gonna be fucking incredible. We're probably gonna have a cabin.

[Ronan]

We don't even use the word seat on United Station.

Cubicle. Yeah, because there's like every. Every station has multiple chairs.

[Francis]

Here's your berth.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Having a Nice wide berth.

[Francis]

Berth is on a ship, right?

[Ronan]

I think so.

[Francis]

Would you ever do a cruise?

[Ronan]

No.

[Francis]

Why not?

[Ronan]

Cruises, to be honest, scare the out of me. I would do one that was like local. Like, if it's not one that goes into the complete unknown. Because like most of them, it's like you get a couple days, like you're around Florida or whatever, and then you go to like the Bahamas or some shit and you. But they'll have like two days where they don't see land. I don't fuck with that at all. I gotta be able to see the land.

[Harry]

Why? Drowning.

[Ronan]

I'm not trying to drown in a cruise ship.

[Harry]

That doesn't happen. That hasn't happened for 100 years.

[Ronan]

All the time.

[Harry]

Cruise ships go down.

[Ronan]

Don't let those things. Those things sink like once a week.

Are you.

[Harry]

You're talking about the movie Titanic?

[Francis]

You should write a book on the. What you think happens in the world and then. No, just let that be your reality.

Disconnect.

[Ronan]

Do you think cruise ships. Do you think cruise ships sink? I'm obviously weekly basis. No, no, obviously. I know that.

[Francis]

Don't you think that industry. But you think they suffering a lot more if it was known that once a week.

[Ronan]

What do you think? What do you think goes down more, though? Commercial flights or cruise ships?

[Francis]

That's a good question.

[Harry]

Neither of them go down.

[Ronan]

I think you're. I think you're given to commercial flights.

[Harry]

To the cruise ships. No, commercial flights go down more than. Are we talking about globally?

[Ronan]

I'm also. I'm not talking about a full submerge. Let's say half. 50% underwater.

[Harry]

Well, that boats are just 50%. That's how boats work.

[Ronan]

No, no, no.

[Harry]

They're half underwater.

[Ronan]

Not quite.

[Harry]

What are you saying happens, though?

[Francis]

Are you talking about crash? We're evacuating, getting to the lifeboats. Yeah, yeah, that's what you're talking about.

[Ronan]

It's life jackets on.

[Francis]

Okay, so how. So do we think that commercial planes crash more than cruises need to evacuate into the lifeboats?

[Harry]

That's your commercial planes that crash.

[Ronan]

Really?

[Harry]

Five times more.

[Francis]

Five times more for commercial planes.

[Ronan]

This is tough to hear. I might be a cruise guy.

[Francis]

That's Harry's. That's the classic Harry admission or like, realization that he was way off.

[Harry]

Really?

[Ronan]

Yeah. Let's do a cruise. Why not? Let's take a cruise to Paris in June.

[Harry]

Yeah, let's take the QE too. Let's just do a little transatlantic.

[Ronan]

I just imagine being on a cruise with like the, like it Being in like the Wolf of Wall street where like the waves are flying over.

[Francis]

That's a private jet.

[Ronan]

And you're like, what?

[Francis]

Excuse me, A private boat? Yeah, yeah. I think a cruise is like, they're so big. That's a state.

[Ronan]

Yeah, yeah. Those big ones.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Ronan]

What's the big brand?

[Francis]

There's Disney Carnival, Caribbean, Norwegian. Norwegian.

[Harry]

They are a fat person's playground.

[Ronan]

Oh, of course. Have you ever done one?

[Harry]

No.

[Ronan]

No.

[Francis]

You.

[Harry]

But that was an interesting way to call me fat.

[Francis]

If I were ever to play fantasy football again and you guys really wanted to hit me with a dreaded.

[Ronan]

So you're anti cruise this whole time?

[Francis]

You sent me on a cruise.

[Harry]

You know that there's nice cruises though. But I heard the Ritz Carlton cruise is even trash. But like there's. You could go on. I'm on cruise.

[Francis]

Are there really?

[Ronan]

I'm on Raw St. Brown has a cruise.

[Francis]

He does.

[Ronan]

Cuz I know Bert did one, but I didn't know that football players were doing it.

[Harry]

Lewis. Lewis J. Gomez is doing one with Amon Ross.

[Ronan]

We should do a cruise.

[Francis]

That's what I. That's how this all started.

[Ronan]

No, but I mean like, not like we should all go on a cruise. I mean the son of a boy dad cruise.

[Francis]

Oh.

[Ronan]

Like maybe we just.

[Francis]

It was so easy for us to get sweatshirts together.

That we should have no problem figuring out a flotilla.

[Harry]

What if we filling a boat? How many people are on a cruise? 5,000?

[Ronan]

Well, it depends on the size of the crew. We could do like the Staten island ferry.

[Harry]

There's still a lot of people. What if we organize 100 guys a ferry stop, like up and down? I think that we could do that.

[Ronan]

Yeah, but we'd have to like the boy dad cruise.

[Harry]

It would have to be in the dead of winter.

[Ronan]

But I want to.

[Harry]

Ferry is going to be packed.

[Ronan]

I want us to sink like I want it to go down.

[Harry]

Sink a ferry boat?

[Ronan]

Yeah, but I guess that would probably be tough to pull off.

[Harry]

Is the ferry going to New Jersey now? Is the New York City ferry. Does that go on the Hudson as well as the east river? Now I know they were changing the lines. You're not a ferryman, are you?

[Francis]

Well, I know that there's one that there's a ferry you can take over to. To Highlands in New Jersey and Sandy Hook? Yeah, I've never. That's where. That's where my family's from. My parents. My mom used to go into the city for work.

[Ronan]

Redbrook.

[Francis]

What's. What's it Called Red Bank.

[Harry]

Red Bank. It's a bank, not a brook.

[Ronan]

Close, though.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Why was that? What was that smile there for?

[Ronan]

Because you're from Jersey.

[Francis]

Yeah, I guess. Don't have. You know, I would. Was Roan's son's age. Just staring at a blank wall. Could have been anywhere.

[Harry]

It could have been.

[Francis]

My first memories are of Maine. I don't have memories from New.

[Ronan]

I'm from. Technically, I'm from the town over.

[Harry]

Oh, wow. Lore.

[Ronan]

A lot of people probably didn't know that.

[Harry]

What town is it?

[Ronan]

Plymouth.

[Harry]

You're from Plymouth, not Duxbury?

[Ronan]

Technically.

[Harry]

Oh, my God.

[Ronan]

Technically speaking.

[Francis]

The rock.

[Ronan]

The rock.

[Harry]

Rock.

[Ronan]

God, I love that rock.

[Harry]

The big ass beautiful rock.

[Francis]

Oh, man.

[Harry]

Plymouth Rock. The golden rule, you know what I mean? All that.

[Francis]

You're from Provincetown. No, P. Town, as your people call it.

[Harry]

Do people have accents it. Where you're from or is it. Yeah, it's completely devoid of Boston accents.

[Ronan]

I don't know. I. I don't really think people. And a lot of people. Most people in Austin don't really have accents.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Why is that? That I don't know. Because people aren't really from there. It's a bunch of transplants.

[Ronan]

It's a lot of transplants.

[Harry]

City boys.

[Ronan]

It's a lot of transplants. The transplant thing in New York is like, maybe the lamest. Like, gr. Like trying to just get any sort of leg up on people. Oh, it's like, yeah, there's 10 million people that live here. Obviously most of them didn't grow up in Manhattan.

[Harry]

Like, you're. You're from. Oh, yeah. They're probably from Ohio.

[Ronan]

Yeah. Oh, have fun back in. In the Midwest, transplants.

[Francis]

I've never once heard anyone discredit someone who lives in New York for.

[Ronan]

That's a big thing right now.

[Harry]

I saw. I saw it on Subway Takes yesterday. The guy was like, yeah, those people aren't real New Yorkers. They're probably from like, Ohio or something like that.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Where's he from?

[Ronan]

You're sitting on the subway.

[Francis]

I think that the place where that really happens is Texas cities.

[Ronan]

Yeah. I don't know. I just. I just have seen a big. It's. I've seen people talking about it recently because, like, the holidays, people are like, fucking trans.

[Francis]

That they're not happy about, though.

[Ronan]

No, they're saying that, like, once when the holidays happen, everyone leaves, and then the people that are actually from New York are. They say the city's empty.

[Francis]

Oh, but that's nice. When it's empty.

[Ronan]

Yeah, but they use it as like a leg up. Like it's like a bragging thing. I see just being like, oh, I'm actually from here.

[Harry]

University of Minnesota. He's born in Cairo. This dude is. And he's like, oh, yeah, these people are probably from fucking Minnesota.

[Ronan]

He's from Minnesota.

[Harry]

No. Or no, he's from Cairo. And he went to the University of Minnesota, the subway takes guy. And he's like, you guys aren't real New Yorkers. Like, they're probably from the fucking Midwest. You're from the Midwest. You're from the Midwest.

[Francis]

Cairo, Egypt.

[Ronan]

This might be breaking news that he's is.

[Harry]

He's born in Cairo and he went to.

[Francis]

Is it.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

University of Minnesota and Twin cities. University of St. Thomas is subway Takes.

[Francis]

That thing where they hold the Metro card up and ask you questions.

[Harry]

He can't be like, you're not real New York.

[Francis]

Beyond that. But it was before. It was huge. It's huge now, right?

[Harry]

Yes.

[Ronan]

No idea.

[Harry]

Yes.

[Francis]

Let me look.

[Harry]

It's extremely huge. You should have probably did it. You actually.

[Ronan]

No free. No free ads. I'm not. We're not. We're not giving this guy gas right now.

[Harry]

We're not. We're debunking him. We're debunking his nasty takes. About.

[Ronan]

He's already got born here. Yeah, exactly. That is a big deal.

[Francis]

Oh, my.

[Harry]

Where's your grandmom from?

[Ronan]

You know, he asked you to do it and you.

[Francis]

This was March of 2024.

[Ronan]

It's not that long ago. It's like a year.

[Francis]

But he said we're big fans. We're launching a 30 minute talk show spin off called the Last Stop.

[Ronan]

Is that even out?

[Francis]

Is that what Subway takes is.

[Ronan]

No, no, Subway takes. A subway take.

[Francis]

All right, well then I wasn't asked to do the premiere show.

[Harry]

You were asked to do this.

[Ronan]

You're asked to do a show. Part of the network.

[Francis]

Dude, it's all comedians that are on there.

[Harry]

Like whom?

[Francis]

Sidney Washington.

[Ronan]

How does that work? Like you. You like your agent books it or.

[Francis]

No, they just DM me.

[Ronan]

But like. No, I mean, like these guys, like, they have like booking teams. Like, it's not. And then they like meet up in the subway.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Ronan]

That's crazy.

[Harry]

It's very.

[Ronan]

Like. Is there. And there's like a. Like people around. I'm assuming. Like, it's like a team. I mean. I mean that the subway takes. They gotta be selling ads.

[Harry]

Yeah, I'm sure they're making money off of it somehow.

[Ronan]

The subway Might be. They might be paying. The city might be paying him. He might be a government employee.

[Harry]

He's a plant. He's an industry plant.

[Ronan]

Exactly.

[Harry]

I could definitely see that. The mta, they have a crazy fucking budget.

[Ronan]

I know. And they're not using it on anything.

[Harry]

And they just. They had the budget and they were gonna. Are they still building that extra line to, like, the Upper east side that Sliwa said not to build the queue.

[Ronan]

Whatever happened.

[Francis]

All the way east. I know.

[Ronan]

You mean, do you guys still have the open train or was that, like, temporary, you guys? Because I only take the one, you know, here. Yeah. But I don't go to Brooklyn.

[Harry]

What do you mean, open train?

[Ronan]

Like, remember when you were saying that you said. Yeah, you could just see right down the whole entire thing.

[Francis]

That's still around.

[Ronan]

Yeah, I haven't been on one of those.

[Harry]

Yeah, a true tube.

[Ronan]

We got closed doors on mine.

[Francis]

How long do you have to live in New York City before you can credit yourself as being a New Yorker?

[Ronan]

I don't know. I mean, I guess I've lived here for like six years.

[Francis]

I'm at 15 now.

[Ronan]

Close to seven, I think.

[Harry]

Anybody that even, like, thinks about that or gatekeeps, it is.

[Francis]

Yeah, I don't give a shit.

[Ronan]

That's diddy behavior year.

[Harry]

That's diddyish.

[Ronan]

Yeah, that's diddy.

[Harry]

You're a diddler if you do stuff like that. I'm for. You're not from New York. It's like if you're from New York either, like, your parents were rich enough to live in Manhattan, which, like, strips away a little bit of the veneer of like, yeah, I'm a city kid. Yeah. Yeah, I went to ST. High, played.

[Francis]

Stickball in the street street.

Snuck into Yankee Stadium through a hole in the chain link fence.

[Harry]

Yeah, they're, they're, they. They watched angels in the outfield and they're like, this is what a city kid does. It's like, bro, it's not all that. Wait, we haven't talked about Akash Singh.

[Ronan]

Was that something we wanted to talk about?

[Francis]

I didn't know anything about this.

[Harry]

I feel like it's all anybody's talking about. And I'm like, why is everybody talk. Why is everybody commenting on this as if it's news?

[Ronan]

Yeah, I don't know. I didn't, I didn't keep up with it. And I don't give a. What his wife does at all, to be honest.

[Harry]

Everybody's talking about it like it's like breaking news.

[Francis]

Yeah, I Don't understand entirely what happened. Do you want to tell me?

[Ronan]

Oh, I don't know. I'm not. I'm not tuned in on it at all. You know, I swear I'm out on this.

[Harry]

I heard that's all the. All comics are talking about in every green room across.

[Ronan]

No, Roan knows every single detail.

[Harry]

Yeah, all comics in every green room. I heard it's the hottest topic and you guys were in green rooms all weekend. So, like, give us the inside intel of what you guys are.

[Ronan]

Actually, I was in green rooms and I didn't hear a single person even mention it. Most of them are just coming up to me being like, dude, you destroyed.

[Harry]

How.

[Ronan]

How are you that good?

[Harry]

The comics are saying that.

[Ronan]

Yeah. But outside of that, I didn't hear much rumble.

[Harry]

Interesting. So I. The reports. That is all comics are talking about is those have been over exaggerated.

[Ronan]

I think that's bull. I think that's baloney.

[Harry]

All right, well, that's good to hear then. I hate to hear comics gossiping. I know that that's not what your ilk does. I know that you guys don't. Don't gossip, comics.

[Ronan]

Not me. I don't gossip at all.

[Francis]

Can I make a confession? Right now? I feel super weird.

[Ronan]

All right, well, we'll wrap it up.

[Francis]

No, that's not what I mean.

[Harry]

Because you're Allen Stuyvesant again.

[Francis]

I think it's because I had to switch the medications.

[Harry]

Really.

[Francis]

And today was my. Yesterday was my first day on the new one.

[Ronan]

Are you getting the brain zaps?

[Francis]

I'm just feeling pretty, like, dizzy, to be honest with you.

[Harry]

Are you feeling sad?

[Francis]

And this makes me angry because I knew this was gonna happen.

[Harry]

So angry.

[Francis]

And it's all the fault of the fucking insurance company. And they were like, why don't you try bupropion on? And I have to now try this and have it not work.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

In order to prove to them that I need to be on the one that did work for a year.

[Ronan]

Yeah. How long do you have to try it for?

[Francis]

I don't know.

[Harry]

Just tell them today. Tell them.

[Francis]

Right.

[Ronan]

Yeah, you call them today.

[Francis]

I've spoken to them all the time.

[Ronan]

I'd get on the horn with them.

[Francis]

Stat and be like, I feel really weird, dude. Really?

[Harry]

Is it getting worse?

[Francis]

No. I mean, it's fine. It's. It's. It is. Where it is, is. It's just.

[Harry]

So this is not an ad for brew proprietors. They always say that there's too much pharmaceutical advertising in our programming as Americans and so some counter advertising I think think would be nice.

[Francis]

I like that.

[Harry]

Do not take bupropion or bupropion.

[Ronan]

I don't know either of them. Just avoid them.

[Harry]

Yeah, just do. Not with that stuff. Damn. I want to get you out of it, but sometimes with a medication, you got to take another medication to zap it out.

[Francis]

So bupropion.

[Harry]

Do you want to drink a bunch?

[Francis]

Yeah, that's probably where this is headed.

I missed my plenzen.

[Harry]

What is it?

[Francis]

A plenzen was the one that I was on and it was.

[Harry]

Yeah, I missed the. A plenzin.

[Francis]

Ponzin was great, but it's like 2,000 bucks for 30 pills.

[Ronan]

Yeah. That's insane.

[Francis]

Outrageous.

[Harry]

That's like a sleeve of your jacket.

[Francis]

Jacket.

[Harry]

Just get the blue plunge and stop.

[Francis]

Buying my clothes from Japan. Start buying them from China.

[Harry]

Yeah, exactly. Get the Sheen.

Bro. I don't understand how Sheen can offer the deals that they offer.

[Ronan]

Yeah, it's pretty self explanatory.

[Harry]

Slavery.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

I don't understand how the pyramids were built. Yeah. I just don't. It's, it's, it's. Honestly, it's as wondrous as the pyramids. Pyramids. The. The deals that Sheen offers.

[Ronan]

I'm not on chain Charlie.

[Francis]

I watched the Charlie Sheen doc. That was pretty good.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

And that's his big. What's his big confession in that? That he was gay. He was doing gay sex?

[Ronan]

Yes, I believe so.

[Francis]

I haven't finished it to that point.

[Harry]

Sorry, I didn't watch it.

[Ronan]

I just saw it on Twitter.

[Francis]

Everyone was saying his sort of dude. The way that the amount of drugs that he could do and how long he could party for is truly one of those things where you're like, some people are built differently.

[Harry]

Him and Diddy were linking their dicks up like Rocky and Apollo Creed. At the end of. They just curled the ends of their dicks around each other.

[Ronan]

I mean, they do. Yeah. That is the Diddy. That was like the big thing in the Diddy documentary was they said that he could just go. He didn't have like an off switch. He'd sleep for like an hour and then just go for a month.

[Francis]

Wow. Wow.

[Harry]

Him and Sheen.

[Ronan]

Him and Sheen gotta get those two in a room together like Kobe and Shaq.

[Harry]

Honestly, in like 97. Sheen and Diddy, when both of them were unbridled.

[Francis]

Yeah.

[Ronan]

Must have been incredible chopping it up over the old. The old days.

[Harry]

It has me. This, this medicine switch has me worried about you.

[Francis]

No, I'm be All right. But it is exactly what. We knew what was going to happen.

[Harry]

And let's just get the $2,000. Let's scrape together the 2,000 thousand, and let's buy the good.

[Francis]

Well, we'd only get one more month and then we would run into.

[Harry]

I know, but it just buys us time. We just need to buy. We just need to buy a little bit of time.

[Francis]

Meanwhile, my face is paralyzed.

[Harry]

Yeah.

[Francis]

From this sty.

[Ronan]

You're not.

[Harry]

You.

[Ronan]

You're not. Because you're not using my tips.

[Francis]

I have.

[Ronan]

Have you taken it apart? Have you been trying to break it apart?

[Francis]

Yes.

[Ronan]

That's what I told you to do.

[Harry]

Yeah. The Super Soaker.

[Ronan]

And clearly you have not used my tips.

[Francis]

Everyone's been giving me some pretty good tips on that, too. And. Yeah, no, things are good. Things are getting better on the eye front, but getting worse on the brain front.

[Ronan]

How often are you lid scrubbing?

[Francis]

I'm scrubbing.

[Ronan]

You got to be doing it, like five times a day.

[Francis]

I don't have eyelashes anymore.

[Ronan]

Yeah, that happened to me, too. You gotta just fight through that.

[Harry]

Sweat. Just goes right into your eyeball.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Harry]

Tears just jump out. Okay, we calling it?

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Yeah. Thanks.

[Ronan]

Yeah.

[Francis]

Good. Shit. I need to go lie down.

[Ronan]

Great. So great app. Thank you guys for listening. We'll see you guys next week. Oh, I'm gonna be in Dallas this weekend. Bye tonight.

[Harry]

Bye.

[Francis]

Bye. Bye.

[Harry]

Bye.

[Ronan]

Tonight and tomorrow and the next day. HarrySuttlewebsite.com Arlington Drafthouse New year's.

[Francis]

Close.

Was over.

Still still underground.

So.

I looked older till you.

Came around.

I was only falling one way.

[Ronan]

I was only falling one way.

[Francis]

J.

Were drifting.

[Harry]

So then you listen.

Now I come.

[Francis]

Alive.

[Ronan]

I was only falling one way.

[Francis]

I was only falling one way.

[Ronan]

I.

[Francis]

Was only falling one way day I was only falling away.

That is true you're right.

[Ronan]

Did you realize?

[Francis]

No one could take me alive.

[Ronan]

I was only you fall in one way.

Call it just a memory Take my.

[Francis]

Hand and you can see.

Sam.

[Ronan]

No one could take me alive.