Soul Sessions | Jungian Coaching Podcast by CreativeMind

Episode: How Projection Hurts Relationships

Hosts: Debra Berndt Maldonado & Robert Maldonado, PhD
Date: February 10, 2025

Overview

In this episode, Debra and Dr. Rob commence a new relationship series by deeply exploring the concept of projection from a Jungian perspective. They dissect what projection really means, why the ego projects, and how this powerful psychological mechanism can both sabotage and transform our relationships. Listeners are guided through practical and personal insights, directive quotes from Jung, and strategies for reclaiming personal power by working with projections—especially the shadow aspects of ourselves.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Understanding the Ego and Projection

(02:07–05:18)

• Defining the Ego:
  • The ego is described as a "false sense of self," but an essential, functional part of our psyche needed for survival and social adaptation.
  • "It's like our part of our mind, body, circulation, respiration. It's a function of the psyche that, you know, keeps us alive and survival function." —Robert (02:42)
  • The real source of personal pain is identification with the ego, not the ego itself.
  • "If you could realize that you're not the ego and not get rid of it, but realize there's a true you inside beneath this surface ego self, that your life will be happier just by understanding that concept." —Debra (03:05)
• Purpose of Projection:
  • Projection is the ego’s way of offloading discomfort or self-judgment by attributing it to others.
  • Analogy: The projector is you; others are simply the screen (06:43).

2. Jungian Quotes and Their Implications

(04:40–08:25)

• "Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves." —Jung (quoted by Debra, 04:44)
• Projections provide visibility into our unconscious mind—what irritates us outside often reflects what we avoid within.

3. Why We Project: Self-Preservation and Displacement

(05:18–08:03)

• The ego uses projection to displace harsh self-judgments or insecurities onto others.
  • Example: An insecure boss may criticize team members as a deflection from self-doubt.
• "It's uncomfortable by definition. It's uncomfortable to look at the parts of our psyche, our personalities, our quirks and peccadillos that we don't like about ourselves… The ego has this ingenious mechanism to say, I'm not the one—they are." —Rob (06:43)

4. Projection as a Mirror and Opportunity for Growth

(08:25–09:03)

• Instead of simply setting boundaries or avoiding those who trigger us, Jungian coaching uses projection as a tool for deeper self-examination.
• "Many people misunderstand this as blaming ourselves or saying, well, those people are fine and it's my fault. This is not about whose fault it is… it's really to reclaim your power." —Debra (09:03)
• Ownership of projection allows for true empowerment, not victimhood.

5. The Shadow and Its Role in Projection

(09:03–15:19)

• Shadow Defined: The shadow contains the unconscious parts of ourselves, often those traits we’re unwilling to acknowledge or accept.
• The Persona is our public mask; the Shadow is the part we reject in ourselves and project onto others.
• "If you're playing the hero in a play, the shadow would be the villain, or if you're the victim, the shadow would be the hero or the perpetrator." —Debra (12:19)
• Reclaiming the shadow isn’t about becoming “bad” but about achieving wholeness through self-awareness.

6. Why the Ego Resists Shadow Integration

(15:19–17:26)

• The ego is “the bouncer at the gate,” denying what threatens our self-image and pushing it into projection (16:34–16:33).
• Accepting our shadow content requires what Jung termed “moral courage.”

7. Projection’s Impact on Objectivity and Relationships

(17:56–22:02)

• Losing objectivity: Projections distort our perception of others, often impeding genuine connection.
• Memorable Quote:
  • "We see the people as we are, but also that they never get to see us either, because we're just projecting and we're putting up a shadow and there's no, like, real connection." —Debra (19:51)

8. Personal Anecdote: Healing through Retrieving Projections

(22:02–25:18)

• Debra shares her personal experience with her father, realizing that the emotional distance she perceived was a shared dynamic, not unique to him.
• "I thought he was emotionally unavailable... I was actually seeing that, losing that objectivity... I had to be honest with myself. I'm also unavailable... When I did that, it really changed everything." —Debra (22:02–24:10)
• The lesson: When we retrieve our projections and act vulnerably, relationships can transform.

9. Practical Tip: Working with Projection

(26:01–27:27)

• Reflect on what specifically irritates you about someone; ask yourself why this bothers you, what need you want fulfilled, or what you’re assuming.
• Be curious, act as a “witness” to your experience, and listen to the narratives your mind creates.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On The Mirror of Projection:
  • "Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves." —Jung, cited by Debra (04:44)
  • "Projections change the world into a replica of one's unknown face." —Jung, cited by Rob (08:03, 11:08)
• On Power & Responsibility:
  • "As long as someone else is in charge of your happiness or fear... you don't have that power. So it's about reclaiming that and being able to hold and make those decisions." —Debra (09:03)
• On Relationships:
  • "We all want to be close to other people... but if we're always projecting, we never get to see them as they are." —Debra (19:51)
• On Retrieving Projections:
  • "It's transformational work. It is the key to transformation because it starts to release you from your past conditioning, which you've, for some reason or another, identified as undesirable." —Rob (21:10)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Ego & Projection Explained: 02:07–05:18
• Jung’s Quotation & The Mirror Effect: 04:40–08:25
• Why the Ego Projects: 05:18–08:03
• Persona & Shadow: 11:53–15:19
• Facing Shadow with Moral Courage: 16:14–17:26
• Projection in Relationships & Objectivity Lost: 19:31–22:02
• Debra’s Story with Her Father: 22:02–25:18
• Practical Shadow Reflection Tip: 26:01–27:27
• Next Episode Preview (Anima & Animus): 27:27–28:18

Takeaways

• Projection is not just something to avoid; it’s a profound opportunity for self-discovery and relationship transformation.
• Ownership and retrieval of projection require self-honesty and moral courage.
• By working with projections (especially the shadow), we reclaim personal power and move toward more authentic, loving connections.

Next Episode Teaser:
Debra and Rob will delve deeper into the masculine and feminine energies (anima and animus) in relationships, continuing the journey into the depths of Jungian psychology as it relates to love and human connection.

For listeners seeking actionable growth, the episode offers both conceptual and practical insights into why we project, how it impacts our relationships, and steps to begin reclaiming our projections for true personal transformation.