Sounds Like A Cult — "The Cult of Weddings (Update)"

Episode Date: November 25, 2025
Host: Amanda Montell
Special Guest: Alison Raskin (author of I Do, I Think and host of Starter Marriage)

Episode Overview

In this revisited episode, Amanda Montell examines "The Cult of Weddings" through a fresh, personal lens, joined by author and relationship coach Alison Raskin. The conversation digs into the historical roots and contemporary implications of wedding culture, its blend of tradition and consumerism, and the pressure placed on brides—exploring how weddings can feel like a “cult” in today’s society. Amanda and Alison also discuss dismantling outdated norms, separating marriage from wedding spectacle, and finding joy and authenticity amid the expectations.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Conflation of Weddings and Marriage

• Amanda’s Internal Struggle: Amanda describes her “resentment for the conformity and consumerism and unquestioned ritual and implicit but also explicit patriarchy and misogyny that exists in wedding culture” (00:00, 21:01), while balancing her love of romance and celebration.
• Alison on Separation: Alison stresses that the wedding—a one-day event—should be separated from the lifelong commitment of marriage: “We tend to not separate the two when they are in fact totally different” (22:22).

The Influence of Class, Capitalism, and Consumerism

• Weddings as Class Signifiers: Alison highlights how the high expense of modern weddings restricts marriage to those deemed financially eligible:

  "The ability to get married is now only really seen as available to people of a certain class." (02:06, 22:06)

• Amanda’s Data Points: The wedding industry is booming—projected at $420 billion globally by 2030, average US cost at $35,000 (08:15).

Tradition, Patriarchy, and Reinvention

• Patriarchal Roots: The white dress, being “given away” by one’s father, and traditional roles in wedding planning are examined critically.
• Rethinking Traditions: Both hosts share anecdotes on how they and others have reinterpreted or discarded traditional elements for more inclusive or meaningful alternatives (27:19).

Social Media’s Role

• The aesthetic “arms race” driven by platforms like Pinterest and Instagram intensifies pressure to host unique and photogenic events, further fueling consumerism.

Gender Roles, Bridezilla Myth, and Social Expectations

• Bridezilla:
  • Amanda voices frustration at the term:

    "I have such resentment for this phrase bridezilla... society pressures you into throwing this obscenely expensive event that's framed as like the most important day of your complex, wild and precious life." (02:13, 51:01)

  • Alison dissects it further:

    "I feel like a Bridezilla happens when there's a lack of emotional regulation…having a strong opinion…that’s okay." (52:37, 53:40)

  • Amanda shares an academic quote showing how “bridezilla” disciplines women for seeking agency (53:40).

Destigmatizing Divorce and Redefining Success

• Alison encourages viewing successful marriage not as “until death,” but as having positive chapters—even if they end:

  “There can be successful marriages that last for a period of time in your life…That doesn’t mean you failed at marriage.” (31:40)

Personalization and Joyful Subversion

• Amanda and Alison encourage listeners to craft ceremonies that reflect who they are, whether that means hiring a magician or forgoing the white dress.
• Amanda on her own wedding:

  "I wore pink. Check it out on my Instagram. It wasn't a wedding dress so it was cheaper and it was just a gorgeous, personal, music filled, magic filled—literally, we did have a magician—day and I wouldn't take it back for the world." (61:55)

Listener Thought Spirals — Navigating Sticky Realities

Amanda and Alison field common listener anxieties:

• Inviting people due to family pressure:
  • Keep control based on who is paying; opt for smaller, self-funded weddings to limit unwanted guest lists (46:58).
• Bridesmaid dilemmas:
  • Evaluate individual friendships and mutual expectations rather than feeling bound by past participation (48:51).
• Coping with OCD in planning:
  • Prioritize joy, choose a few key elements you care about, and accept help from willing friends and family (56:04).
• Cost and Capitalistic Markup:
  • "You can simply not have a big wedding" (57:56).
  • “There’s no rules about so many things and a thing you could do is lie…you don’t necessarily need to tell people that it’s for a wedding." (59:26, Alison)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Amanda (on resisting the wedding-industrial complex):

  “Going through this whole process has inspired me to re-scrutinize the Cult of Weddings more carefully.” (06:57)

• Alison (on modern marriage):

  “Instead of trying to fit yourself into an established institution, you and your spouse are creating the type of marriage that you want for yourself.” (28:45)

• Amanda (on personal embarrassment):

  “I don’t want people to perceive this event as me thinking that becoming a bride is an achievement.” (37:59)

• Alison (on achievement):

  "I think getting married is an achievement… you have built and cultivated a beautiful relationship with someone who wants to be your life partner." (38:21)

• Amanda (on bridezilla):

  "You can't win. Society pressures you into throwing this obscenely expensive event that's framed as, like, the most important day of your...life." (51:01)

• Alison (on the wedding not needing to be perfect):

  “Something will go wrong…Having lost my mom in September, I’m just so thankful for that weird memory…only because something went wrong.” (60:59)

Important Timestamps

• 00:00–02:42 — Amanda’s personal intro, wedding and patriarchy, “bridezilla” frustration
• 08:00–17:00 — Wedding market statistics, influence of social media, persistent gender roles
• 17:00–22:22 — Alison intros her work and experience, separating weddings and marriage
• 22:22–28:45 — Cost/class barriers, untangling marriage from wedding
• 28:45–34:31 — What can modern marriage be? Redefining roles, contracts, and expectations
• 34:31–39:40 — Personalization, supporting unconventional weddings, joy amid anxiety
• 46:58–53:40 — Q&A on family pressure, bridesmaids, bridezilla, boundaries
• 53:40–59:38 — Critique of gendered expectations, cost spirals, licensing and lying to vendors
• 60:04–60:59 — Alison’s over/underthinking insights: prioritize your joy, accept imperfection
• 61:55 — Amanda’s final thoughts: “watch your back” on weddings as a “cult”

Tone and Style

The conversation is witty, confessional, and deeply relatable, balancing real cultural critique with humor and personal storytelling. Both Amanda and Alison blend academic awareness with pragmatic advice, encouraging listeners to prioritize authenticity, joy, and self-compassion over rigid traditions or social pressures.

Summary Takeaways

• Weddings contain layers of implicit “cult-like” behavior: consumerist pressure, gendered expectations, and an obsessive focus on perfection.
• Modern couples can—and should—assert agency by customizing traditions and drawing authentic boundaries, both financially and emotionally.
• The stigma attached to strong-willed brides (“bridezilla”) is rooted in societal discomfort with women exercising power, even temporarily.
• Cost and spectacle are not requirements for a meaningful celebration; joy can be found in both big and small gestures.
• Ultimately, Amanda and Alison advise listeners to "watch your back" when engaging with wedding culture—enjoy the rituals, but resist being swept along by its culty undercurrents.

Selected Quotes with Timestamps

• Amanda: “I always had this…resentment for the conformity and consumerism and unquestioned ritual and implicit but also explicit patriarchy and misogyny that exists in wedding culture.” [00:00]
• Alison: "The ability to get married is now only really seen as available to people of a certain class." [02:06]
• Amanda: “It just really starts to feel like…weddings were this sort of religiously motivated event aimed at transferring ownership of a woman…and then, despite feminist movements, it kind of transitioned…just now justified more by consumerism rather than religion.” [09:30]
• Alison: “You and your spouse are creating the type of marriage that you want for yourself. And there is a lot more flexibility in that than we think that there is.” [28:45]
• Amanda: “I don’t want people to perceive…becoming a bride as an achievement. I don’t want people to think that about me.” [37:59]
• Alison: “Don’t have a big wedding. You just simply don’t need to do that because we live in a capitalistic hellscape…there’s no rules about so many things and a thing you could do is lie.” [59:26]

Final Cult Verdict (Amanda):

"Out of our three cult categories—live your life, watch your back, get the fuck out—I am quite convinced that weddings are a 'watch your back.' I did low key the whole time feel like I was being sold a timeshare...[it] was freakishly challenging...to skirt around the overpriced, borderline manipulative, weirdly delivery aside wedding industry...Watch your back if you ever intend to get married." [61:55]

For more on Alison Raskin:

• Book: I Do, I Think
• Podcast: Starter Marriage
• Website: AlisonRaskin.com

For more Sounds Like a Cult:

• Instagram: @soundslikeacultpod
• Patreon: patreon.com/soundslikeacult