Slow Down and Question the Stories Controlling Your Choices

Why Do Stories Take Hold?

I start by recalling a high school memory: there was someone I admired from afar but convinced myself was out of reach. The story I told myself then—“she’ll never go out with me”—seemed so logical at the time that I never even tried to ask. This early lesson stuck with me in surprising ways as I got older. It wasn’t just a high school crush; the same pattern resurfaces even in adulthood.

For example, more recently, I hesitated to invite a high-profile guest to the podcast. The old narrative returned: “they’re too important, they won’t respond.” When I examined it, though, I realized it was just that—a narrative with no real evidence behind it. I didn’t know they would say no. I wasn’t rejected; I simply made up a story and acted as though it were already true.

How Our Brains Protect Us

Reflecting further, I notice how often these inner stories are about keeping us safe. Our brains, in many ways, are doing their job—shielding us from pain or disappointment. But there’s a danger in allowing this protective instinct to overrule reality. When self-doubt or insecurity becomes the main script running in our minds, we risk accepting fiction as fact.

I encourage you to take a step back and observe the impact these stories have on your own life. Whether it’s at home, at work, or in your personal relationships, these internal narratives can hold us back, sometimes for years. The good news is that none of this is set in stone; we all have opportunities to pause and question our assumptions.

The Challenge and Reward of Questioning

I share a more personal example—the story I internalized during childhood about abandonment. Because of experiences in my early life, I unknowingly carried this fear into adulthood. It took decades before I finally challenged the belief that every relationship could end in abandonment. It wasn’t easy—changing these ingrained stories takes real effort, and our minds are adept at convincing us their version is the truth.

Still, through intentional reflection and curiosity, I was able to recognize that while abandonment can happen to anyone, living in constant expectation of it was no longer serving me. When we allow ourselves to slow down and really look at these stories, we can often separate fact from feeling, and open ourselves to new possibilities.

Moving from Fear to Intention

Whether it’s the hesitation to send a podcast invitation or deeper wounds from our past, the pattern is the same: the stories feel real and comfortable, sometimes more so than the possibility of a positive outcome. Our brains resist new evidence, preferring what’s familiar and “safe.” That’s why it’s so important to confront these narratives with intention and, above all, self-compassion.

I’m not here to lecture on brain science, but I am passionate about the importance of being intentional—slowing down, getting curious, and treating disappointment as another temporary guest, not as a permanent state. If we can listen to our disappointment, even give it a “microphone,” we may gain the courage to move past it. Over time, this builds new neural pathways—new patterns that support healthier thinking and richer relationships.

Tips for Managing the Inner Narrative

Before wrapping up, I offer a few practical suggestions:

Slow Down: Find moments in your day to quiet your mind. Turn off music during your commute, take a few deep breaths, or carve out five minutes for reflection. Finding mental stillness, even briefly, makes space for honest questioning.
Question Without Judgment: Take an inventory of your thoughts. Ask yourself, “Is this story really true? Why do I believe it? Is it serving me?” It’s not about whether you’re good or bad for believing a story, but whether it’s true and helpful now.
Validate and Adjust: Not every story we tell ourselves is false. Some have value and should remain part of our worldview. The key is to ensure they’re valid, not self-limiting myths.

Throughout the episode, I reflect on how our value systems shift as we age. As children, what truly matters is straightforward—family, close friends, relationships. But as we grow and life becomes more complex, outside influences (career, money, status) compete for top billing. Our internal stories often reinforce these shifting priorities, sometimes to our detriment.

The Lasting Impact of Our Stories

As I close, I return to a conversation with a client who realized while watching his children that the simplest values often matter most. It’s a reminder that the stories we tell ourselves don’t just affect us—they shape our relationships and what we pass on to others. By continually examining and updating these stories, we honor what’s genuinely important.

In each episode, Jeff and Eric will talk about what emotional intelligence, or understanding your emotions, can do for you in your daily and work life. For more information, contact Eric or Jeff at info@spiritofeq.com or visit their website, Spirit of EQ.

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Spirit of EQ

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This podcast was created to be a tool to primarily help you to discover and grow your EQ. Science and our own lived experiences confirm that the better we are at managing our emotions, the better we're going to be at making decisions. Which leads to a better life. And that's something we all want. We're glad that you've taken the time today to listen. We hope that something you hear will lead to a breakthrough. We'd really appreciate a review on your podcast platform. Please leave some comments about what you heard today, as well as follow and subscribe to the podcast. That way, you won't miss a single episode as we continue this journey.