Spitballers Comedy Podcast “Crying Over Dinner & Audio to Replace Your Car Horn – Spit Hits!”

Date: December 11, 2025
Hosts: Andy, Mike, Jason

Episode Overview

This episode of the Spitballers Podcast, led by the award-winning trio Andy, Mike, and Jason, dives into a fresh round of hilarious “Would You Rather” scenarios, awkward life situations, and a creative draft of sound effects that could replace car horns. The recurring comedic rapport, playful insults, and slightly absurd dad humor are in full force, making this episode a prime example of why the show is a family-friendly comedy favorite.

Key Discussion Points & Segments

1. Scat Intros & “Garbage Disposal” Antics

Timestamp: 01:37–03:00

• Jason attempts a “scat” intro, trying to riff as different celebrity voices (starts as “Arnold Schwarzenegger”), but it quickly devolves and is joked about as sounding like a garbage disposal.
• Andy: “That was the newest model of the garbage disposal in my kitchen. That’s what that sounded like.” (01:46)
• Al Borland grades Jason's scat as a 2 out of 100, much to the table’s amusement.

2. Would You Rather: Missing Tooth vs. Costanza Hair

Timestamp: 03:40–11:38

• The classic would-you-rather: Lose a front tooth (no replacements or hats allowed) or sport George Costanza’s balding pattern (sides only, “skullet”)?
• Andy passionately chooses the Costanza hair, citing it as a less-objectionable, common sight:
  • “I see people with Costanza hair all the time. It’s just normal… If I saw someone in the grocery store missing a tooth, I’m gonna 100% judge them. I don’t want to… but I will.” (05:53)
• Group discusses baldness statistics, arguing social perceptions of balding vs. missing teeth.
• Mike: “Balding is just a 100% natural thing… Getting your front tooth knocked out, something happened.” (08:03)
• Running jokes include dissecting how long the “side hair” would be and whether either look could ever actually be considered cool. Spoiler: unanimous “no.”

3. Would You Rather: Pixar, Marvel, or Star Wars?

Timestamp: 11:38–17:29

• Scenario: You get to be in an upcoming Disney film—would you rather star in Pixar (voice-only), Marvel, or Star Wars?
• The hosts debate fame, screen time, and fandom perks:
  • Jason leans toward Star Wars for the kid-in-space adventure, lightsabers, and the fun of the set.
  • Andy is a Marvel fan at heart: “If you got a great role and you’re one of the main superheroes… now you’re paid.” (16:36)
  • Mike notes that even a voice behind Pixar can achieve a lasting legacy (e.g., Owen Wilson as Lightning McQueen).
• They reflect on nerd culture and the reality of “bit parts” sometimes holding unexpected status among superfans.

4. Would You Rather: Laugh When Someone Cries or Cry When Someone Laughs?

Timestamp: 17:29–19:26

• Puzzle: Would you rather laugh every time someone cries, or cry every time someone laughs?
• Andy: “You can’t laugh when someone cries… but the frequency of laughter makes it almost impossible to take that side.” (18:47)
• General consensus: crying when someone laughs is less likely to offend, even if it means you’re frequently weeping during podcast recordings.

5. The Situation Realm: Crying Over Dinner

Timestamp: 21:49–27:21

• Kevin asks: At a restaurant, your friend tells a sad story and begins to cry just as food is served—when is it okay to start eating?
• Jason shares an awkward real-life story about making his pregnant wife cry over dinner (23:18):
  • “I didn’t realize… sometimes you just don’t bring things up… I remember them coming, asking for drinks or bringing the food and the awkwardness of that situation and what to do.” (22:17–23:33)
• Table riffs on strategies for sneaking bites, optimal food formats (hand food vs. silverware), and polite ways to “break the food ice.”
• Andy: “I think you have to wait until the crying is over. You can’t [eat].” (25:02)
• Mike admits he would struggle to wait, even in an emotional moment (“I can maintain the eye contact and pretend like I’m interested.” – 26:48)

6. Life-or-Death: Facing Your Fears

Timestamp: 27:21–32:58

• Hypothetical: To save Andy from a “walls-closing-in” doom, Mike must face bee stings or Jason must let a tarantula crawl on him for one minute.
• Jason’s visceral spider phobia is laid bare:
  • “If there is a tarantula at my house and I know about it, I have a for-sale sign going up.” (32:52)
  • On scorpions: “A scorpion, I’m not afraid… I’ll go out, I’ll hunt scorpions.” (30:07)
• The group laughs over the irrationality of phobias; Mike says he could take the bee stings “only to save a life.”

7. The Math Problem: Doubling Your Food Allotment

Timestamp: 33:01–38:14

• Diet conundrum: Pick one food; you start with a small portion on Monday, but double your intake daily until Sunday.
• Jason’s pick: steak—nutritious, satiating, can handle breakfast/lunch/dinner. “I think I could eat 30 ounces in a day… the first couple days is basically fasting.” (35:13)
• Mike and Andy debate logistics (ice cream, hot dogs, or peanuts) but note the exponential math would ruin them.

8. Spitballers Draft: Audio to Replace Your Car Horn

Timestamp: 42:04–51:41

Premise: If your car horn could be replaced with any sound or piece of audio, what would it be?

Top Picks and Notable Quotes:

• Jason (First Pick): Fart sound
  “There was only one thing I could think of. It’s just a big fart horn. That’s a good time.” (42:21)

• Andy: “Ayuga” horn (classic cartoon-ish sound)
  “I just want the Ayuga. I want ayuga.” (43:09)

• Mike: Police “whoop-whoop”
  “You are giving me the police.” (43:53)
  Blood curdling human scream
  “Just a blood curdling human scream… does the same thing as a horn.” (44:40)

• Andy: Throat clear
  “My pick is going to be a clearing of your throat. Cough. Like you would do if you were in an actual line.” (45:18)
  Air raid siren

• Jason: Referee whistle
  “I’m calling penalty!” (46:55)

  Goat scream

  • “I’m going with a screaming goat. The goat scream.” (47:25)

  DJ air horn
  “So the party. The party mobile is coming.” (50:54)

• Mike: Star Wars laser sound and Mortal Kombat “Fatality” audio

  • “Fatality. I use that only after I hit a pedestrian.” (51:33)

• Andy: Laugh track
  “I want a laugh track because I want to use that… that I can just hit if I see somebody walking on the street and they look funny.” (50:14)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Social Judgement (teeth vs. hair):
  “If I saw someone in the grocery store missing a tooth, I’m gonna 100% judge them… I shouldn’t.” – Andy (06:04)
• On Pixar fame:
  “Owen Wilson is Lightning McQueen.” – Mike (15:26)
• On spider phobia:
  “If there is a tarantula at my house and I know about it, I have a for-sale sign going up.” – Jason (32:52)
• On car horn draft:
  “There was only one thing I could think of. It’s just a big fart horn. That's a good time.” – Jason (42:21)
• On the Math Riddle:
  “The first couple days is basically, like, almost... I’m fasting.” – Jason (35:48)
• On emotional dinner:
  “I can maintain the eye contact and pretend like I’m interested.” – Mike (26:48)

Segment Timestamps

| Segment | Start | Key Moments | |-----------------------------|---------|--------------------------------------------------------------------| | Scat Intro/Garbage Disposal | 01:37 | Jason’s disastrous “scat” attempt | | Would You Rather (Teeth/Hair)| 03:40 | The social stakes of balding vs. dental tragedy | | Disney Movie Role Draft | 11:38 | Pixar vs. Marvel vs. Star Wars | | Laughing/Crying Dilemma | 17:29 | Social embarrassment vs. emotional inconvenience | | Situation Realm: Crying Dinner| 21:49 | Handling sad dinners and dinner etiquette | | Phobia Life-or-Death | 27:21 | Jason’s spider phobia, Mike faces bees | | Food Math Problem | 33:01 | Exponential eating—steak, ice cream, and more | | Car Horn Audio Draft | 42:04 | The silliest (and scariest) possible car horn alternatives |

Overall Tone & Conclusion

Throughout the episode, the trio’s chemistry delivers a blend of family-friendly banter, self-deprecating dad humor, and surprisingly practical advice—for scenarios nobody will actually face. The car horn draft, in particular, is a showcase of their willingness to “give random topics more thought than they probably deserve.” Their camaraderie shines when they riff, interrupt, and fake anxiety over laughably high-stakes hypotheticals.

“What did we learn today?... that just the George Costanza is good for nobody.” – Mike (52:12)

This episode is a prime example of why the Spitballers Podcast continues to win over comedy fans who like their humor “clean,” creative, and genuinely fun.

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