Jason (1:41)

You got to start thinking of what is that payment that I need?

Mike (1:47)

Yeah.

Josh (1:47)

We.

Mike (1:48)

We need to talk off the show.

Jason (1:50)

Yeah. Okay.

Andy (1:51)

Spit.

Mike (1:52)

I might need some stuff.

Andy (1:53)

Episode 354.

Jason (1:55)

Welcome in.

Andy (1:55)

Would you rather some baller Dash and we're drafting ways to kill a spider. Jason's favorite draft of all time. 15. Well, I guess it wouldn't be 15. 12 different ways to kill a spider.

Jason (2:05)

I can think of 2000.

Andy (2:06)

I was gonna say some. Maybe we'll come up with something you haven't thought about before.

Jason (2:11)

I doubt it.

Andy (2:12)

What's your number one like right out.

Jason (2:13)

Of the gate like nuclear bomb.

Andy (2:15)

Nuclear bomb. Okay. Welcome into the show. We appreciate you. Al Borland is here.

Jason (2:19)

How many spiders you'd kill with a.

Mike (2:22)

You would kill a good amount of them.

Jason (2:23)

It's worth. I know there's a lot of sacrifice, a lot of human lives lost but.

Mike (2:26)

Yeah.

Andy (2:26)

Al Borland in The building. Papa Josh is in the building as well. We got a great show for you today. You can find us on X at Spitballers Pod. We would appreciate your reviews over on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, wherever you're listening. We'll jump right in.

Jason (2:46)

Would you rather.

Andy (2:49)

All righty, let's go. Jason from Patreon writing in. Would you rather be. Not you. No, no, no, no. There's other people named Jason. You're not the only one. You're not special. You're not in the Truman Show Special. Would you rather be a member Musketeers or the Three Stooges?

Jason (3:05)

That's easy.

Mike (3:06)

Is it?

Jason (3:08)

I feel horse. That's easy.

Mike (3:10)

Well, hold on.

Andy (3:10)

I got woefully naive on both.

Mike (3:12)

Yeah, I got.

Andy (3:13)

I.

Mike (3:13)

Well, I have a question for anyone who is well read. I guess we'll say yeah, because I can't say. Well watched. Because, look, I've seen Mickey Mouse as three musketeers.

Jason (3:28)

Man in the Iron Mask.

Mike (3:30)

That is that.

Jason (3:30)

Oh, that's awesome.

Mike (3:33)

It is three.

Jason (3:34)

That's Leo DiCaprio. That is an awesome.

Mike (3:36)

Is that canon, though?

Jason (3:37)

Full canon now.

Andy (3:38)

So that's what you're picking because you want to be Leo.

Mike (3:41)

Okay, but here's my question. Do any of the three perish.

Andy (3:50)

Maybe of the Musketeer? We are, like, literally.

Mike (3:53)

Okay.

Andy (3:54)

We're literally the Three Musketeers.

Mike (3:56)

Can we name all three?

Andy (3:58)

Can we.

Mike (3:58)

Okay, full stop.

Jason (3:59)

Dont Harry.

Mike (4:01)

Can we name the other. Not named?

Jason (4:03)

Ontarian Quantarius.

Andy (4:06)

I couldn't know Antonio Banderas.

Jason (4:10)

Well, you would have to add Ian.

Mike (4:11)

He's the Banderasian I know. So do you hold the Deucers? Do you guys know any Three Musketeers stuff?

Josh (4:18)

I do not.

Mike (4:19)

Not other than chocolate nougat.

Andy (4:21)

But you still thought this was a good question to bring up on the show.

Mike (4:25)

You thought. Because they assumed. Guys, we run this is.

Andy (4:28)

They're like, if they don't know, we'll know.

Jason (4:30)

This is pretty easy, though. I mean, because Ken.

Mike (4:32)

Okay, full stop. Jason, can you do the Three Stooges?

Andy (4:35)

Larry?

Jason (4:36)

Yeah. Larry Mo Andy.

Andy (4:38)

No.

Mike (4:38)

Larry.

Andy (4:38)

No.

Jason (4:39)

Of course. I could have got Larry Moen Curly. I know their name.

Mike (4:41)

Okay, okay, okay.

Andy (4:42)

We're telling something young compared to people that found that entertaining, though.

Jason (4:45)

How off. It's not entertaining. I literally. I don't know why. I don't know. The other day on my Instagram, I'm scrolling, okay. And all of a sudden an interview comes up with two of these three clowns. I don't know who they Are Larry Moore, Curly, two of the three.

Mike (5:02)

No, they're not getting interviewed.

Jason (5:03)

They are getting interviewed off character from their deathbed.

Mike (5:07)

That was popular in, like, the tens.

Jason (5:09)

It was obviously a long time ago.

Andy (5:11)

Right.

Jason (5:12)

That's what it feels like.

Mike (5:13)

When was the three highest? Is it seriously, like, the 40s or the 50s?

Jason (5:18)

I don't know.

Mike (5:18)

I have no idea.

Jason (5:19)

I don't know. I don't care. I don't care.

Andy (5:21)

Whenever they were popular, Hitler was to me.

Jason (5:23)

To me.

Mike (5:24)

That's what I'm saying.

Jason (5:25)

If it is, like the 1960s or earlier, it might as well be the 1200s. There's no difference to me.

Mike (5:32)

Okay, sure.

Jason (5:33)

For you.

Mike (5:34)

Yeah.

Andy (5:34)

Back to the future happen.

Jason (5:36)

I don't even know. 70s matter. They.

Mike (5:38)

They matter.

Jason (5:39)

I mean, if.

Andy (5:40)

As far as I'm concerned, their only gag was hitting each other, poking each other in the eyes.

Jason (5:44)

Yeah. And so I watched this reel where they were describing, like, I don't actually poke him in the eyes. I touch him right above the eyes.

Mike (5:52)

You're watching.

Jason (5:52)

When I grab the nose, I turn, and he doesn't. And his reaction.

Mike (5:57)

There's no way this is real.

Jason (5:58)

It was nonsense. It made me respect them even less than the little respect I had for.

Andy (6:03)

Them, which was like. That was their, like, theatrical genius.

Jason (6:05)

Yeah.

Andy (6:06)

That they didn't really poke.

Jason (6:07)

And people loved. I mean, like, I know the older generations just, oh, Larry, Moe and Curly.

Mike (6:12)

Jason.

Jason (6:13)

Oh, my goodness.

Mike (6:13)

Jason. So you.

Andy (6:15)

It was simpler back then.

Mike (6:16)

Okay, hold on.

Jason (6:17)

Wait, wait, wait, hold on.

Mike (6:19)

You are like. I watched an Instagram reel of an.

Jason (6:23)

Of an old video.

Mike (6:24)

Of an old, old video. So what if I told you.

Jason (6:27)

Video shown on Instagram.

Mike (6:30)

So the. The original three. Original Three Stooges. We have Mo Howard, brother Shemp Howard, and longtime Larry Fine, Curly Howard.

Jason (6:41)

So the other two, all their real names. Because she was like, I can't. No.

Mike (6:45)

Here's the important part. Curly Howard replaced brother Shemp, who later returned when Curly suffered a debilitating stroke in 1946.

Jason (6:55)

Yeah.

Mike (6:56)

They're not doing Instagram interviews.

Jason (6:58)

Of course they're not doing Instagram interviews. They're not doing interviews.

Andy (7:01)

Jason watched an AI interview with Larry Mullen.

Jason (7:03)

Curly, I don't think people are AI interviewer. Is that what you just did? No way.

Andy (7:07)

They're not around.

Jason (7:08)

This was a real interview.

Andy (7:09)

Figure out when they died. I need to know now.

Jason (7:12)

This was a real interview interview between these actors. It was an old, grainy. Trust me, there's no way this was AI. It was so boring.

Andy (7:20)

Curly died in 1952.

Mike (7:22)

Wikipedia. Well, there Was there was more? Because Wikipedia says they were a 52.

Andy (7:28)

75 and 75. 1975.

Mike (7:30)

A vaudeville comedy troupe active from 1922 until 1970.

Josh (7:35)

Yeah.

Andy (7:36)

And then they.

Jason (7:37)

I don't know if you know this. I don't know if you know this, but whenever they were around, whether it was the tens, twenties, thirties, forties, fifties.

Mike (7:45)

Whatever, it was the twenties till the.

Jason (7:46)

Seventies, but you know that they were. This will record it. They were recorded on video the whole time.

Andy (7:52)

That's why we know one of them died in 52. That's all I'm saying.

Mike (7:55)

They're not doing interviews.

Jason (7:57)

Yeah. It was, like, just a news interview. Trust me. This was the most boring thing I've ever seen. I promise I did not be like.

Mike (8:05)

I don't. I think it was one of.

Andy (8:08)

I'd rather be a musketeer. Can I answer?

Jason (8:10)

Would you rather have swords or. Or boink finger?

Mike (8:14)

No, I think you guys don't know enough about the musketeers. I'm going Three Stooges.

Jason (8:18)

No way. You know, you're saying you know nothing about the musketeers.

Andy (8:21)

We're literally made to be three musketeers here.

Jason (8:24)

Yeah.

Mike (8:25)

Yeah.

Jason (8:25)

We're.

Mike (8:25)

No.

Jason (8:25)

Or Larry.

Mike (8:26)

Made to be Three Stooges.

Andy (8:27)

All right, Levi, from the website. Would you rather have to live in a pitch black room for one week.

Mike (8:32)

Oh, a darkness retreat.

Andy (8:33)

Or live in a super bright room for one month? In both cases. Both cases you get food, but you have no interaction with humans.

Mike (8:41)

Do I get an eye mask?

Jason (8:44)

No.

Andy (8:45)

No, obviously.

Mike (8:45)

Okay, well, I mean, I'm asking.

Andy (8:46)

You've got to be under.

Mike (8:48)

Am I wearing long sleeves?

Andy (8:49)

You got to be in the light or you got to be in the dark.

Mike (8:52)

Am I nude?

Jason (8:54)

Yeah.

Andy (8:56)

You can't tell.

Jason (8:56)

You can't tell.

Andy (8:59)

I mean, I guess you can figure it out.

Jason (9:01)

I can't tell when he's in the room.

Mike (9:02)

I don't know if you know, Jason, when I'm in the pitch black, I'm pretty aware of my, you know, whether.

Jason (9:10)

You'Re dressed or not. Without looking. Without looking.

Mike (9:13)

Because I'm like, man, do I feel, like, super ashamed right now. Do I feel I must be totally Wind.

Jason (9:20)

Is that wind on my tethers? It is wind on my darkness.

Andy (9:25)

I want darkness.

Mike (9:25)

Do I feel bad about myself and my body right now?

Andy (9:28)

Here's the difference. If I'm in the complete light, I still can't see, but maybe people can see me. If I'm in the darkness, no one can see me. I'm in. I'm Hidden away.

Mike (9:40)

That's a good point.

Andy (9:40)

I think the darkness retreat would be really interesting to go through.

Mike (9:44)

Oh, man.

Andy (9:46)

I get my food, I'm going darkness.

Mike (9:51)

So in general, Jeremy is saying, why can't you see in the bright room? Have you ever looked at the sun?

Andy (9:56)

Yeah. If you're in complete.

Mike (9:57)

Have you looked at it restored.

Josh (9:59)

This is just a bright room. This isn't like you can see it's bright.

Andy (10:03)

What are you talking about?

Mike (10:04)

It's too bright.

Andy (10:05)

It's gotta be blinding light.

Josh (10:06)

That's.

Andy (10:07)

That's a phrase, by the way. Blinding light.

Mike (10:09)

Yeah, sure.

Jason (10:10)

Wait, is that the phrase in the question? Used in the question.

Andy (10:12)

What you just say? So is this question you're in the dark for a week or you're just in a normal day?

Jason (10:18)

I mean, what kind of question is that?

Josh (10:20)

Because you can't sleep with fluorescents on.

Jason (10:22)

You'D have to live in a pitch black room for one week or live in a super bright room for one month.

Mike (10:26)

I got it.

Jason (10:26)

Just a normal room.

Andy (10:27)

I'll choose the normal room.

Mike (10:29)

I got to know the. I got to know because here's the thing.

Andy (10:31)

I could sleep in the light.

Jason (10:33)

Andy doesn't even turn the lights on in our office. He needs the.

Mike (10:37)

He is a man of the door.

Andy (10:38)

For the record, when I come into this office and it's not you, two other guys have the lights off. There ain't no light on in the hallway. There's no light on in the dev room. There's no light on for the producers.

Jason (10:51)

I hate it so much when I.

Andy (10:53)

They all live in my world. You're the ones in the weird world.

Mike (10:55)

I will say, when you come in.

Andy (10:57)

My screen is lit already.

Mike (10:59)

When you come in for that though, you're coming into a room that has all lights off. Not some of them on.

Andy (11:06)

Well, look, if it was, they're doing their own dark. I didn't have them all off. I just compromised. I don't need them on. My screen is lit producers way in here. Is it harder for you to see your lit screen when the lights are off?

Josh (11:20)

I prefer to work in a lit room.

Mike (11:22)

Thank you, Jeremy.

Jason (11:23)

Thank you.

Andy (11:24)

I don't like you.

Josh (11:26)

That's fine.

Jason (11:26)

Of course. Is that because you can see other things other than your screen, which, yeah, you have to deal with in life? Well, if I'm working, the only thing that matters is my screen.

Andy (11:38)

You're the one. You're writing notes, you're writing a letter.

Jason (11:40)

I walk around, I got to go to the bathroom. Sometimes I got to go to the Kitchen.

Andy (11:43)

Get a water.

Jason (11:45)

Be like I want to look. I want to feel my way to the kitchen.

Andy (11:47)

Here is Dorothy. I'm writing you again today. What are you writing?

Jason (11:51)

Checks. I'm going to start. What are you doing on a piece of paper? I'm going to start lighting a candle so that I could take it with me. Because you black out our rooms, you.

Andy (11:59)

Probably wear one of those, like, nightcaps.

Jason (12:01)

I'm going to need one of those head lamps, like a miner.

Andy (12:04)

You probably poop outside in one of the outhouses, too, old man.

Jason (12:08)

You wish. I'm a bidet bro.

Andy (12:10)

Listen, a bidet in an outhouse is.

Jason (12:12)

A funny picture, by the way. I am a bidet in an outhouse.

Mike (12:15)

Because you would have to have someone outside who's just pumping.

Jason (12:18)

Hold up, hold up.

Andy (12:20)

Like a butter churn.

Jason (12:22)

New question.

Mike (12:23)

There's no electricity.

Andy (12:25)

Honey, come out and bidet me.

Mike (12:26)

Jebediah, hit me.

Andy (12:29)

Hit me with a fresh blast.

Jason (12:31)

I'm done, Jeb. I'm done. Wash my butt.

Andy (12:34)

I'm still dirty. Hit the pooper turn.

Mike (12:38)

Do the Amish.

Jason (12:39)

Wait.

Mike (12:40)

Do the Amish have bidets?

Jason (12:43)

No, of course not.

Mike (12:44)

Don't be so. They could. They could easily have it.

Jason (12:47)

That.

Mike (12:47)

That's technology.

Jason (12:49)

They can handle electricity.

Mike (12:50)

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You could pump it.

Andy (12:52)

Can the Jews bidet on a Sabbath?

Jason (12:55)

No, of course not. That's work. Okay, if it's the pump variety. Now, listen, new question, new question. Genuine question. Would you rather.

Mike (13:05)

You're just like, what's a steam engine? What does that work? How does that work? Where do you plug that in?

Jason (13:13)

Would you rather.

Andy (13:14)

You go on.

Mike (13:15)

Have you ever heard of a paddle boat?

Jason (13:17)

An outhouse with a bidet?

Andy (13:19)

Yeah.

Jason (13:20)

Or just your toilet.

Andy (13:21)

Or a normal toilet without an outhouse.

Mike (13:23)

Oh, now that's a question.

Jason (13:25)

That's a question. Because we're all three bidet bros. And.

Andy (13:30)

You tell me I get away from my family 20ft and get bidet.

Jason (13:33)

But it's cold outside sometimes.

Andy (13:35)

I don't care.

Jason (13:36)

Or it's hot. I don't care either.

Andy (13:38)

I will poop out there and stay there.

Jason (13:39)

If you told me genuinely, this isn't a joke or a hypothetical. This is if my hundred yards away, if my master's bedroom had a normal toilet the way that all of you losers without a bidet have your house.

Mike (13:52)

Oh, take it easy.

Jason (13:54)

If you don't have a banana.

Mike (13:56)

I just want you to take it easy.

Jason (13:57)

I'll take it easy if you on your butt. Uncool people.

Mike (14:00)

Thank you. Thank you.

Andy (14:02)

You can get into.

Mike (14:04)

You can get one for, like, 10 bucks.

Jason (14:06)

Wipe your butt with paper, Wyob.

Andy (14:10)

Wipe your own butt. Go on.

Jason (14:12)

If there was a normal toilet in my master bedroom or out in the backyard 10ft away from my back. No, there was a. There was a little house, and in there was a toilet with a bidet. I would poop in that. 100% no air condition.

Mike (14:30)

Yeah.

Jason (14:30)

No air conditioner.

Mike (14:31)

You live in Arizona.

Jason (14:32)

No heater.

Andy (14:33)

You might die out there.

Jason (14:35)

None.

Andy (14:36)

Hundred yards away, a football field.

Jason (14:37)

Do you know how sweaty I get inside? I'm fine.

Mike (14:40)

You are not.

Andy (14:41)

That's another problem.

Mike (14:42)

You are not pooping in an outhouse in Arizona in August.

Andy (14:46)

That's 150.

Jason (14:47)

What is the material of this? If it's plastic. No. If it's aluminum. No. But I. I see this.

Mike (14:52)

It doesn't matter.

Jason (14:53)

I see this outhouse.

Andy (14:55)

If it's any possible material. No, wood.

Jason (14:57)

Wood. A wooden outhouse. I'm going in the wooden outhouse.

Mike (15:01)

Why? What makes.

Andy (15:03)

What?

Mike (15:03)

What. Hold on. What temperature stuff is going on in the wood?

Andy (15:05)

Wood does seem better than the other two.

Jason (15:07)

It does.

Mike (15:08)

No, it does not.

Jason (15:09)

Oh, you're an idiot. You are an idiot.

Andy (15:11)

You don't want to cook your poo in a label.

Jason (15:13)

Okay. Imagine. Okay, forget the bidet part of this. Just think of a po. Porta potty. Right?

Mike (15:19)

Yeah.

Jason (15:20)

A plastic bubble of a porta potty.

Mike (15:23)

They're always concert in the summer, and I haven't had.

Andy (15:27)

Oh, we've all gone.

Jason (15:28)

You walk in there, it's 140 degrees inside.

Mike (15:30)

Sure.

Jason (15:31)

I promise you, if this thing is wooden slats that are just nailed together, it's not 140 degrees in there. There's no way. Because it doesn't feel in that.

Andy (15:40)

What if there are no walls?

Jason (15:41)

There are ways for the.

Mike (15:42)

What are you basing that off?

Andy (15:44)

No walls.

Jason (15:44)

Experience.

Andy (15:45)

No, look.

Mike (15:47)

Outhouse, Wood, outhouse. Experience.

Jason (15:50)

Have a lot of experience of being in a hot Arizona world in different materials.

Mike (15:55)

The only way it works is what.

Jason (15:56)

Doesn'T conduct and retain.

Mike (15:58)

It has to be cement. It would have to be a cement block outhouse.

Andy (16:03)

That sounds nice.

Mike (16:04)

That's the only possible way.

Jason (16:05)

If it's pretty nice.

Andy (16:06)

That's pretty nice.

Mike (16:08)

Guys, am I going crazy? A wood outhouse is just as hot.

Andy (16:11)

As a plastic wood.

Josh (16:13)

One would be a little bit cooler.

Andy (16:14)

Thank you. It allows some permanent permeation of air.

Josh (16:17)

No way Jason's going out there for.

Jason (16:19)

His dumps every single time. I'm going out there for no dumps.

Josh (16:21)

No, you are not.

Mike (16:22)

Do you understand the bidet water will be a scalding 175.

Andy (16:26)

All right, new question. The bidet water is Kool Aid.

Jason (16:32)

Would you drink from the bidet?

Andy (16:36)

Would you rather do no bidet or your bidet water is koolaid?

Jason (16:39)

Actually, actually, hold on.

Andy (16:40)

No, real question.

Jason (16:40)

Okay, what was your question? Real question.

Andy (16:43)

You either have no bidet and you wipe yourself, or it's a bidet and it's.

Jason (16:48)

Oh, yeah, and it says. Oh, yeah.

Andy (16:51)

Blue Kool Aid.

Jason (16:52)

I would. I would use the Kool Aid every time.

Mike (16:55)

Yeah, no, for sure, for sure.

Jason (16:57)

Here's the real question.

Andy (16:58)

You'd wipe.

Jason (16:59)

You wash the Kool Aid, and there's.

Mike (17:01)

Gonna be a sweet smell.

Andy (17:03)

Stickiness.

Mike (17:04)

Yeah, Yeah, a little bit.

Jason (17:05)

Let me ask you a two part question.

Andy (17:08)

Okay, I'm in.

Jason (17:09)

Are you in? Mike? A two part question.

Andy (17:11)

Let's go.

Mike (17:11)

That's one part too much.

Jason (17:13)

Part one. Would you like to have in your kitchen a magic tap, like a bar tap? No, that has Kool Aid. Kool Aid?

Mike (17:24)

No.

Jason (17:25)

Ice cold refreshing.

Andy (17:26)

Oh, ice cold. That's a big problem.

Mike (17:27)

No, you would not.

Andy (17:29)

No, I would not.

Jason (17:30)

You're saying because of health reasons.

Mike (17:32)

Because of the repercussions.

Jason (17:35)

But you don't have to ever use it. It will always stay fresh.

Mike (17:37)

It doesn't matter.

Jason (17:38)

Just whenever you wanted.

Mike (17:39)

Oh, I don't. I don't have to use the delicious ice cold Kool Aid free in my kitchen.

Jason (17:45)

Andy, would you like one?

Mike (17:46)

Get out of here.

Jason (17:47)

Would you like to have just like, I've got a. I've got a Kool Aid tap.

Andy (17:50)

I mean, no, because it wouldn't be good for me.

Jason (17:52)

Well, then my part two is ruined.

Mike (17:56)

Because you want that. Jason, you're on a health journey.

Jason (18:00)

My part two, you do not want.

Mike (18:01)

Free flowing Kool Aid in your house.

Jason (18:03)

My part two was if, like, replace.

Mike (18:06)

It with Coca Cola. It's like, just what is the drink.

Jason (18:10)

You would want on tap the most? Not Koolaid.

Andy (18:13)

Soda water. Ice cold soda water ipa.

Jason (18:17)

Okay. Church music ipa.

Mike (18:18)

That's also a big problem.

Jason (18:19)

That's a big. But you'd love to have that, right?

Andy (18:21)

Ice cold root beer.

Jason (18:23)

And you would choose ice cold root beer.

Andy (18:24)

Ice.

Jason (18:25)

All right, we got a new two part question. Okay, now that I know that you guys would like to have, in Mike's.

Mike (18:30)

Case, I'll take the consequences of that.

Jason (18:33)

And I would agree on on tap or your root beer. Now, let's say that the exact same quality cleanness and everything came out of your bidet.

Mike (18:47)

It's even easier for me.

Jason (18:48)

You Just walk into the bathroom and your tap is out of the toilet.

Mike (18:53)

Oh, okay.

Jason (18:54)

The tap basically squirts up out of the toilet and it's totally clean, but it's coming out of your toilet.

Mike (19:00)

Would you drink that 100% straight from the tap?

Andy (19:04)

What's funny?

Jason (19:04)

Don't even. My mouth is in that toilet.

Mike (19:07)

I'm gonna look like a dog.

Andy (19:08)

I'd like to drink before the poop, not after.

Mike (19:11)

Well, for sure, preferably. But sometimes before and after will be necessary. Both. Sometimes during. Who knows during?

Jason (19:19)

I feel like this. I gotta get up just a little bit as I'm thirsty.

Mike (19:23)

Oh, that's so cold.

Andy (19:24)

Ice cold. Ice cold.

Mike (19:26)

Yes, it's ice cold.

Andy (19:27)

And I have to use it to clean too.

Mike (19:28)

Yeah, you do.

Jason (19:31)

I'm just wondering.

Mike (19:31)

Mine at least has alcohol, so it's extra cleanly, right?

Jason (19:34)

Nothing?

Andy (19:35)

No, yours is the right call. There. Straight vodka. Bailey, from the website, would you rather be wrongfully convicted of a heinous crime and be sentenced to five years in jail? But the public perception is that you are a beloved innocent man. So you're basically in jail, but everybody's with you.

Jason (19:52)

You might be a Netflix documentary or hero.

Andy (19:54)

Yes, everyone knows that you fought the good fight and you had to pay the price for somebody else's crime or be acquitted of a heinous crime that you did not commit. But the entire world thinks you're guilty for the rest of your life.

Jason (20:05)

Wow. Wait, now, what was the crime that. The first.

Andy (20:08)

Just a heinous one.

Jason (20:09)

No, no, no. The first version.

Andy (20:10)

A heinous one.

Jason (20:11)

They're both heinous.

Andy (20:12)

They're both heinous.

Jason (20:13)

Dang.

Andy (20:14)

That's the real problem is really the specifics of the crime committee.

Jason (20:17)

Yes, 100%.

Andy (20:18)

If you say it's a heinous crime, like I. Look, there are different degrees of heinous. That's what I've always said.

Jason (20:23)

Of course, the heinous. Because they ain't us.

Andy (20:27)

It cannot be. I cannot be. The world cannot think that I am some sort of. There are some heinous categories I won't get into.

Mike (20:34)

Correct.

Andy (20:34)

That they cannot believe that I am guilty of.

Mike (20:36)

Correct.

Andy (20:40)

But on the grander scheme of things, I don't really care if people outside my family believe something about me that isn't true. So on that big, like, if you tell me it's fraud. Right? Like I'm guilty of fraud.

Mike (20:51)

Years is a long.

Jason (20:53)

No one would say heinous is fraud. Heinous is.

Andy (20:57)

We know what it is. I punched out a teacher.

Mike (20:59)

Okay.

Andy (21:00)

Is that heinous?

Mike (21:00)

No, it's pretty heinous.

Jason (21:02)

That's not.

Andy (21:02)

I stabbed a teacher.

Jason (21:03)

That's a. That's more heinous.

Andy (21:05)

Is that heinous?

Jason (21:06)

Yeah, this is at least a murder.

Andy (21:09)

Let's just say elderly teacher.

Jason (21:11)

No, let's just say murder. Murder in the first degree.

Andy (21:15)

That's extra heinous.

Jason (21:16)

Yes.

Mike (21:17)

Yeah.

Jason (21:17)

Don't murder is.

Mike (21:19)

We have said on this show self.

Jason (21:21)

Defense kids, we're a very don't do murder.

Andy (21:23)

We're anti murder. We always have been.

Jason (21:25)

We always will, always will be a don't do murder podcast.

Andy (21:28)

So I. I'm. Either. Everyone thinks I committed a murder, which, by the way, they're gonna respect me a little more. They're gonna know that I'm capable of.

Josh (21:34)

That is true.

Andy (21:35)

That is like, if you think I've killed someone, even if I haven't, you guys are overlooking.

Mike (21:39)

It's five years.

Andy (21:42)

I'm. No, I'm embracing the bad perception of me. Oh, I want the bad perception. If it's a murder.

Josh (21:49)

Bad.

Andy (21:49)

If it's murder or beating someone up or that I'm capable of something that I'm not. I will take that.

Mike (21:56)

Yeah.

Andy (21:57)

Like, it's like getting the teardrop.

Mike (21:59)

Five years is a long, long time, man. Goodness gracious. Five years is so long.

Andy (22:06)

How long would you serve in prison for a million dollars dollars? For ten? Let me just. How long would you. How long would you serve in prison for the Portland Trailblazers? You get the team.

Jason (22:20)

Oh, I get the team.

Andy (22:21)

You get the Portland Trailblazers.

Mike (22:22)

That's not a million dollars, dude.

Andy (22:23)

No, it's a lot.

Jason (22:25)

The amount of time just went way.

Andy (22:26)

How long? That's the real question.

Jason (22:28)

How long. If I.

Andy (22:29)

How long would you serve in prison? Today you walk into the judge, you.

Mike (22:33)

Say, I get an mba, you put.

Andy (22:34)

Me in prison for this many years, and you get the Portland Trailblazers. Ten years, you don't get another team. That's the only team you get 10 years. 10 years in prison for the Blazers you're coming out of. What are you, like, you're coming out at 53 years old?

Jason (22:47)

Yeah.

Mike (22:47)

What about a minority owner?

Andy (22:49)

No, you're the majority.

Jason (22:51)

I wouldn't.

Andy (22:52)

You're in the owner's suite. You're the main man.

Jason (22:54)

Yeah, I'm getting the profits here, and I'm quickly selling.

Andy (22:57)

You're the. You're the Cuban of the Trailblazers.

Mike (23:01)

Oh, man.

Andy (23:02)

Jason's on 10 years.

Jason (23:03)

I'm 10 years. I'm a decade. And if I got to go longer to Beat Mike. I probably will.

Andy (23:07)

See? 53.

Jason (23:09)

A ball team is. I was thinking about this.

Andy (23:10)

What if we all go into prison? Longest one and gets the Blazers.

Mike (23:14)

Okay, hold on.

Jason (23:14)

I'll never.

Mike (23:15)

We got to rewind. We got to rewind because we're throwing out numbers. We're like 10 years. That's a long time. And you literally just gave Jason's age in 10 years. Yeah, it's old that I'm. No, no.

Andy (23:32)

Till you're 53.

Jason (23:34)

No.

Andy (23:34)

So you can be the owner for, like, five or six years.

Jason (23:36)

Yeah.

Mike (23:36)

Exit no.

Jason (23:37)

Five or six years. I'm gonna Jerry Jones this thing.

Andy (23:42)

That's true. You could. You will, by the way. You're gonna outlive us all.

Mike (23:45)

No, no. No way.

Andy (23:47)

He lives with a 0.0 anxiety about anything. He's gonna live to 106, I hope. And making horrible trades for the Blazers.

Jason (23:56)

Oh, man, that would be great. I won't own the Blazers by then.

Mike (23:59)

I will.

Jason (24:00)

I will do something to elevate them quickly and then put them on the market immediately.

Mike (24:06)

Well. And try and buy a different one.

Jason (24:08)

No, I would just take my $3 billion.

Andy (24:11)

I would spend. I would spend seven years in prison for the blazers. Seven.

Jason (24:14)

So you don't get it.

Andy (24:15)

I'm a seven. Yeah.

Jason (24:16)

I don't. Mike's out. He's like, 12 days.

Mike (24:21)

I mean. I mean, there's. You can talk me into, like, one or two.

Jason (24:24)

What about for the Suns?

Mike (24:27)

Phoenix.

Jason (24:28)

Phoenix Suns. You are the owner of your child hometown team.

Mike (24:33)

It's not much longer.

Jason (24:35)

24 days.

Mike (24:36)

It's not much longer.

Andy (24:37)

See, the deucers over here are trying to play a like. Oh, my gosh. I'm not sacrificing that many years with my family to be rich. Look, there's an. There's a number.

Mike (24:46)

Wait.

Andy (24:47)

If I tell you 30 days for the Suns, you're not doing 30 days.

Josh (24:49)

I said two years in the chat.

Andy (24:51)

So two years. So two and a half years, though. You get to two years, they're like six more months.

Mike (24:55)

But hold on.

Andy (24:55)

What are you doing?

Josh (24:56)

I'm not playing that game because then I'll get there and they'll give me more time.

Andy (24:58)

You're right.

Mike (24:59)

They will. Are you telling me I can go do two years right now and my family won't talk to me?

Jason (25:08)

Yeah, that's what we're saying.

Andy (25:09)

Yeah, that's what prison is all about.

Mike (25:10)

25.

Andy (25:11)

What do you think prison is?

Jason (25:12)

25.

Mike (25:13)

25.

Josh (25:14)

Yeah, but your wife might be talking to other people while you're in there.

Mike (25:17)

35.

Jason (25:19)

Years.

Andy (25:20)

See the beauty problem? We already know Mike's family doesn't listen to this podcast. He's in a safe. He's in a safe space.

Mike (25:27)

Hear that joke?

Andy (25:28)

Welcome. Welcome to Mike Safe space.

Mike (25:30)

45 years.

Jason (25:32)

Gosh, I want to live in prison.

Mike (25:34)

You're bidding against yourself.

Andy (25:35)

I killed somebody.

Jason (25:37)

46 years, officer.

Andy (25:39)

I. Super. Can you imagine somebody trying to really convince an officer you committed a murder that you didn't commit? Like, hardcore trying to convince them, and you had no.

Jason (25:47)

You have no evidence.

Andy (25:48)

No evidence.

Jason (25:49)

Like, I don't know this guy. Can't name this.

Andy (25:51)

I killed the hell out.

Jason (25:52)

I killed that. I know. I just saw this tape up here.

Mike (25:55)

Is there.

Jason (25:56)

Is there a murder in there also, Officer? Because I did that.

Mike (25:58)

On top of that, I was doing the drugs. Which ones? Oh, them.

Andy (26:05)

And I stole. I stole the crown jewels.

Josh (26:09)

I was like, Jason's. Is this real life story where the guy was driving recklessly to get away from his wife?

Jason (26:15)

Please arrest me. I don't want to be with my wife, dude.

Mike (26:18)

No, man. I'm not going in. I'm not. That is like. To really, truly imagine it is like.

Andy (26:28)

I don't want to be in prison, man. That freaks the crap out of me.

Mike (26:30)

That's just. Five years is so long.

Andy (26:32)

It really scares me. I want to. Look, if you want to tell me I'm in.

Mike (26:35)

It's the reason I'm not there.

Andy (26:36)

If you want it, yeah. It's a really good deterrent. You know what I mean? But if you tell me, I'd go to Martha Stewart's prison from doing the crime. Martha Stewart's prison seems sick.

Jason (26:46)

Oh, man, that's. You got tennis courts, tennis instructors, nice outfits. Oh, for sure. It basically looks like a boarding school if there's a.

Andy (26:56)

Okay, pause. All right, we invent a place. It's called voluntary prison.

Jason (27:03)

I'm listening.

Mike (27:04)

Okay, tell me. I mean, you got a.

Andy (27:06)

You don't.

Mike (27:06)

You got an uphill battle here, but.

Andy (27:07)

There'S nothing that they're doing to correct. They're correcting nothing. No rehabilitation. But you are stuck.

Jason (27:17)

You're stuck there. You're stuck there, but protected there.

Andy (27:19)

Extremely pleasant.

Jason (27:20)

Protected from your family, wonderfully nice from your friends.

Andy (27:23)

Every room's a Jacuzzi.

Jason (27:25)

What? A Jacuzzi in the room.

Andy (27:28)

Yes, that is correct. Okay, voluntary prison.

Jason (27:31)

How big is the offer?

Andy (27:34)

Hold on.

Jason (27:35)

225.

Mike (27:35)

Wait, I got my own Jacuzzi.

Andy (27:37)

You do come out with a. A rap sheet.

Jason (27:39)

I don't. I'm not coming out.

Mike (27:40)

That's fine. You think I'm leaving.

Jason (27:43)

No, I'm going. You kill someone in there.

Mike (27:45)

You just said Jacuzzi in my room.

Andy (27:47)

A prison where you do the crime while you're there.

Jason (27:48)

I'm not in prison. I don't have a Jacuzzi.

Andy (27:51)

All right, we. We're getting. We're getting.

Jason (27:53)

This is just an upgrade. How? What would you do to upgrade every aspect of your life?

Andy (27:58)

Describing a luxury hotel.

Mike (27:59)

Wait. All right. Oh, no, wait.

Jason (28:01)

What?

Mike (28:01)

Free gym membership. Oh, no.

Andy (28:04)

We'll take a break. We'll do some baller dash.

Mike (28:10)

Today's show is brought to you by our friends at Gordon's. The big game. It's on the way. And we know what that means. We're hanging out with friends, we're watching some good football. And of course, the food. The food at the party is so crucial, it might be the most important part. And it's all fun and games until your kitchen's a mess, the oven's full, and you just want something that's quick, it's good, and it's guaranteed to please. And that's where Gorton's comes into your life. Gorton's seafood makes it simple to serve. Fresh tasting, high quality seafood for game day, whether it's snacks, apps, or the main event. I am a fish sticks man. You call me a traditionalist, that's fine. They're delicious. They're easy. Or my wife's her personal favorite, the coconut shrimp. Or there's the crunchy filets. Or the surprise hit taco tenders. Look, Gorton's has you covered no matter what you need. It's easy and it's delicious. You don't need to overthink your spread. Gorton's has been doing this for over 175 years. And it shows. Everything comes out hot, crispy, and ready to impress. Visit gortons.com to learn more, to find a store, and to get recipe inspiration. That's G O R-T O N S.com.

Andy (29:19)

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Jason (30:36)

Well, because they're. Go to the Deucer's alley real quick.

Andy (30:38)

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Jason (30:39)

Look at them. Just look. Thank you, Mike. Just look. And they've got. No, that was them.

Andy (30:47)

That's the sound effects that come out of deuces.

Jason (30:49)

They have to look over here. Now go. Now go back to us. Wow. Wow.

Andy (30:54)

Yeah, there's a lighting.

Mike (30:56)

Wow.

Andy (30:56)

Incredible.

Mike (30:58)

That's all you could come up with, Jason.

Andy (31:00)

Wow.

Jason (31:01)

It's pretty good, man.

Mike (31:02)

Look at those guys. Oh, look at us. Wow.

Jason (31:06)

Mike, go back. Go back real quick. Look at that. Look. Look at that garb. Okay, go back. Incredible.

Andy (31:15)

Oh, my.

Jason (31:15)

Dude, we're looking good.

Andy (31:17)

And those that are listening on the podcast, just imagine something awesome and something bad.

Jason (31:20)

Yeah, but the awesome is us. The bad is. What time is it? I like the game time.

Mike (31:32)

The guy who's like, I heard the farts. That's awesome. That sounds awesome.

Jason (31:38)

Wait. All right, get the camera back there.

Andy (31:40)

Wow. All right. I've won the last two baller dashes. You have what? Al Borland, why don't you describe what's going.

Jason (31:47)

Genuinely seems impossible.

Andy (31:48)

It really does because I think I stunk at this point.

Mike (31:50)

Are you sure?

Josh (31:52)

I'm sure.

Andy (31:52)

There we go. I'm amazing.

Josh (31:54)

I mean, I'm 95.

Mike (31:55)

Wow.

Josh (31:56)

95.

Mike (31:56)

Okay, I'll take 95.

Andy (31:58)

All right, why don't you explain this one to the listeners at home?

Josh (32:00)

All right. You were given five prompts from five different categories. Those categories are a weird word, a notable person, an acronym, a movie plot, and weird laws. And you guys are trying to trick the. Your co hosts.

Andy (32:12)

Yes.

Josh (32:12)

With your own made up definitions or answers to these. If you guess the correct answer, you get two points. And if an opponent guesses your answer, you get one point.

Andy (32:22)

Sounds awesome. Let's go. I guess I'm really good at this. Let's begin.

Josh (32:25)

All right, we're going to start with that weird word. And that word is segoglin.

Andy (32:29)

What.

Josh (32:33)

Is that? Crooked or tilted?

Mike (32:36)

Okay, hold on, hold on. I gotta write these. Okay.

Andy (32:38)

Crooked.

Mike (32:38)

Okay.

Andy (32:39)

Tilted. Jason's writing nothing. He's just putting on fake.

Mike (32:42)

That must be Jason.

Andy (32:43)

Fake arm sleeve tattoos.

Jason (32:44)

What are you doing?

Mike (32:46)

What are you doing?

Jason (32:47)

Nothing. Don't worry about it.

Andy (32:48)

Putting on.

Jason (32:49)

I just wanna go to deducers cam. Go to the deucer. Look at them.

Mike (32:53)

All right, now come back, come back, come back. Go back, go back.

Jason (32:57)

Look at this.

Andy (32:59)

Wow, you're so cool.

Mike (33:00)

All right, Jason, you know, you can. You can go get tattoos.

Andy (33:04)

He might. Dude, be careful. Careful.

Mike (33:07)

Dude, I will go.

Andy (33:08)

You can get them in Turkey. All right, let's go.

Josh (33:11)

All right, so we had crooked or tilted is segoglin.

Andy (33:15)

Can we spell that by the way?

Josh (33:16)

Sure.

Jason (33:17)

C, R, O, O, K, E, D. That is crooked.

Josh (33:21)

Sigoglin. S, I, G, O, G, G, L, I, N. Sigoglin.

Andy (33:25)

Okay, that's made up. All right. Gone.

Josh (33:27)

Is that a Swedish term for bobsledding?

Andy (33:30)

Okay.

Josh (33:31)

Bobsledding is segoglin. The state of being cross eyed.

Andy (33:36)

All right. Another. First one was crooked, right?

Jason (33:39)

Yeah.

Josh (33:41)

Lastly, the feeling. Feeling suddenly uneasy for no clear reason. Segoglan.

Andy (33:47)

Well, I'm not really confident on any of that.

Jason (33:50)

I can tell you right now. I cannot tell you which one was crooked.

Andy (33:54)

Bobsled Bob sledding.

Josh (33:57)

Swedish term for bobsledding.

Andy (33:58)

Cross eyed or uneasy.

Mike (34:01)

But you have to get into these Swedish chef things.

Andy (34:03)

Smurga burger, cigar, goglin. That's. That. That kind of passes.

Mike (34:08)

Yeah, it kind of works.

Andy (34:09)

Man, that's a tough one.

Josh (34:10)

I think I'm pronouncing it completely right.

Andy (34:12)

I think I'm gonna go bobsledding on that one. I'm gonna go with it. I'm gonna go with the sweetest.

Jason (34:16)

We're starting with Andy. So, Mike, you go. And then we'll just crap. You'll be first next time.

Mike (34:22)

Andy picked the one I didn't want him to pick because he picked mine.

Andy (34:26)

Because that's what you were going to go with.

Mike (34:28)

Because it sounds good.

Andy (34:30)

All that matters is points, brother. You can come along with me.

Mike (34:34)

Okay.

Andy (34:34)

On the right answer. You can pick the wrong one.

Mike (34:36)

Swedish bobsled. Cross eyed or uneasy.

Andy (34:42)

Do.

Mike (34:42)

To do. To do. Come. There's we. Here's the. Here's the problem, though, because it's the one I wanted to Pick. If I pick it, Andy. And it's Jason's answer.

Andy (34:53)

Yeah, but it's. You just got to go with the right one.

Mike (34:55)

Okay. I'm going bobsledding.

Jason (34:57)

I was hoping that you would not. I was going to go crooked.

Andy (35:02)

But you don't want to be left behind.

Jason (35:05)

I know I wasn't bobsled. Andy therefore wasn't bobsled.

Mike (35:10)

I don't trust. Or did he just play us like.

Jason (35:12)

So he either if he played us well, bobsled. I'm going bob's life because. All right, I know it wasn't me. Obviously. I know it wasn't Mike. Did you play us, Andy?

Josh (35:20)

Andy played you.

Andy (35:21)

Like.

Jason (35:23)

Was it crooked? Was it crooked? Crooked was the correct dude. I did it. I mean, we knew beforehand.

Mike (35:31)

That's nicely done.

Jason (35:32)

You've never done it before.

Mike (35:34)

That's nicely done. Wow. Gosh darn it.

Jason (35:37)

I played the game and lost.

Andy (35:41)

All right.

Josh (35:41)

Andy gets one point from each other.

Jason (35:43)

I'm mad at all of you. I'm so happy.

Josh (35:45)

Andy is starting out with a 2.

Jason (35:47)

0 lead.

Mike (35:47)

Mine.

Jason (35:48)

So stupid.

Josh (35:50)

I thought you messed up.

Andy (35:51)

I know. He looked at me and I think the look was. Do you remember? That was yours. I think that's what the look was. Yeah. No, I played it. I played it like a fiddle.

Josh (36:00)

All right, we're going to move on to the notable.

Jason (36:02)

I'm picking mine here on out. Good luck even when I'm last.

Josh (36:07)

Is that notable per. I'm sorry. That notable person is Jim Priceman.

Mike (36:11)

Jim. Jim Priceman.

Andy (36:13)

Price Man.

Mike (36:14)

All right.

Josh (36:14)

Was Jim Priceman a repeat game show contestant eventually banned for cheating?

Mike (36:20)

Okay, all right.

Andy (36:21)

That's funny. Because Price Man. I don't think that's right.

Josh (36:24)

Was Jim Priceman the first American to invest in the Panama Canal?

Mike (36:29)

Was this Van Halen.

Andy (36:30)

All right.

Josh (36:31)

Panama was little Jim Price known for finding $37.1 million and returning it to the proper owners.

Jason (36:37)

So Priceman is built into all of these.

Andy (36:40)

Well, the name Price Canal.

Jason (36:43)

He was an investor in a canal. The Price Man. That's a good deal.

Josh (36:48)

That's true.

Jason (36:49)

I'm the Price Man. Oh, I got kicked off the game show.

Mike (36:54)

I'm the Price Man. I know them.

Andy (36:56)

37.5 million. I'll return it.

Jason (36:58)

I am the Price man, man.

Josh (36:59)

Well, let's get to the last one. Was Jim Priceman the Detroit auto kingpin that owned the most car dealerships of all time?

Jason (37:07)

The Price Man.

Andy (37:09)

Well, this is a.

Mike (37:10)

Come on down to see the Price Man.

Andy (37:13)

Those are all money.

Jason (37:14)

Yeah.

Andy (37:17)

I don't start.

Mike (37:17)

You don't have to go, Mike. Game Show.

Andy (37:21)

Wow. So there was a repeat Game show guy.

Mike (37:24)

Game show.

Andy (37:24)

The Panama Canal. The 37.5 million or the car Auto. And the Detroit auto.

Jason (37:29)

The Price man.

Andy (37:31)

All right, Mike, you gotta lead the way.

Mike (37:33)

No way.

Jason (37:34)

It's one of the ways.

Mike (37:36)

It is so stupid. No, it. No way.

Andy (37:39)

I'm the Price Man.

Mike (37:41)

Jim Price. Jim?

Jason (37:42)

Yeah. Jim Priceman.

Josh (37:45)

His mother called him James.

Jason (37:46)

Come on down.

Mike (37:47)

All right.

Andy (37:48)

James Priceman.

Mike (37:48)

Jim. Oh, my gosh.

Jason (37:51)

I know what I'm going.

Andy (37:52)

Game show, Canal, dollars, auto.

Mike (37:59)

Okay.

Andy (38:01)

Gotta make a call, Mike.

Jason (38:02)

I know, but it's impossible.

Andy (38:03)

Gotta step up to.

Josh (38:05)

Like. This is the biggest decision of his life.

Mike (38:07)

Yeah, because.

Andy (38:08)

Make a call, brother.

Mike (38:08)

I'm down 20 right now.

Andy (38:10)

All right, don't.

Jason (38:11)

Just don't guess Andy's. Whatever Andy's is.

Mike (38:13)

Don't do that, because here's the problem, Jason.

Jason (38:16)

You don't know.

Mike (38:17)

No, no. Why, that's number one. Step number one. I don't know. Step number. Step number two. He was just reviewing them, and he only listed three of them.

Andy (38:25)

Oh, no, no.

Jason (38:27)

You shut up.

Mike (38:28)

No, he.

Jason (38:28)

Which ones did he list?

Mike (38:29)

He listed three.

Jason (38:30)

Which ones did he list?

Mike (38:31)

He listed 1, 3, 4, 1, and I don't know if that's a canal. You did not.

Andy (38:37)

I said game show, Canal, dollars, auto.

Mike (38:40)

I don't think he did. I don't think he did.

Jason (38:43)

I'm not. I'm not listening to you on Andy's game, okay?

Andy (38:45)

Yeah, you play.

Mike (38:46)

You play your game show.

Jason (38:49)

Detroit. I'm going the car man.

Andy (38:51)

I'm going Detroit with Jason.

Josh (38:54)

All right. Detroit was Mike's answer, so he's getting two points. And Game show was Jason's answer.

Mike (38:59)

Okay, okay, that's fine. That's fine. That's fine. Mine was Canal. Yeah. The one he didn't list.

Jason (39:07)

The one he did not know.

Mike (39:08)

I heard it.

Jason (39:09)

Mike was right. Yeah, yeah. Oh, we're paying attention now.

Andy (39:12)

You can check the tape.

Jason (39:15)

Check.

Andy (39:15)

All right.

Josh (39:15)

I have no idea if he said it or not.

Andy (39:16)

I definitely said it.

Josh (39:17)

Not it was coincidental, but that's fine.

Andy (39:19)

All right, let's go.

Mike (39:19)

It was not. Let's go.

Josh (39:21)

All right, we're going on to the act.

Mike (39:22)

Wait, wait, hold on.

Andy (39:22)

What?

Mike (39:23)

The answer was the. He gave the $37 million.

Josh (39:25)

Oh, I'm sorry. Yes. The correct answer was he found $37.1 million and returned it to the proper owner.

Andy (39:30)

Two. Two to one.

Mike (39:31)

Yeah. Okay.

Andy (39:32)

Me and Mike. Thank goodness.

Mike (39:33)

We're back.

Josh (39:33)

That is correct.

Jason (39:34)

We've.

Mike (39:34)

We're. Jason also with the. We're back.

Jason (39:36)

All right.

Josh (39:38)

It's anybody's game. We're moving on to the acronym, which is cqc.

Andy (39:43)

Okay.

Josh (39:44)

Is CQC Culinary Quality Control Boring.

Andy (39:51)

Seems viable, though.

Josh (39:52)

Is it Continuous Quality Check Boring. Is it Central Quantifying Centrifuge?

Jason (40:02)

Too in depth.

Mike (40:03)

That's Jason's.

Josh (40:05)

Or is it Citizens for a Quieter City Crap?

Andy (40:11)

Jason gets to pick this one first.

Jason (40:13)

I'm going Citizens Culinary. I hated the first three.

Andy (40:16)

Quality check Centrifuge.

Jason (40:19)

I liked mine with Citizens.

Andy (40:22)

Give me those four again real quick.

Josh (40:24)

Culinary Quality Control. Continuous Quality Check.

Mike (40:27)

Yes.

Josh (40:28)

Central Quantifying Centrifuge.

Mike (40:30)

Yes.

Josh (40:30)

Citizens for a Quieter City.

Jason (40:32)

Citizens for a Quieter City. That's mine.

Andy (40:34)

Give me Culinary. I'm taking Culinary.

Jason (40:36)

Okay.

Andy (40:37)

Mike's got to find.

Mike (40:38)

Jason picked his own for sure.

Andy (40:40)

He's trying to play the card that I played.

Mike (40:42)

Going the Continuous Quality Control.

Andy (40:45)

All right.

Josh (40:46)

Mike just took Jason's.

Jason (40:47)

Thank you. Gosh darn it. Yeah. Andy took Mike and what did I get?

Josh (40:51)

And Jason got the correct answer.

Andy (40:54)

No.

Jason (40:55)

I'm playing this game to win, boys.

Andy (40:57)

Are we all tied or is he ahead?

Mike (40:58)

No, no, he's ahead.

Jason (40:59)

Yeah. No, I'm in last now.

Josh (41:04)

4, 3, 2. So Jason with 4, Mike with 3, Andy with 2, too.

Jason (41:07)

What a loser.

Mike (41:08)

God, Jay, you got me good. I am. I'm.

Jason (41:10)

I think it's the tats, man.

Mike (41:12)

I'm turned up like a pretzel right now, man.

Jason (41:14)

I have no idea what's right or wrong with tats. I'm getting sleeves done. Can you go to sleep for sleeves?

Mike (41:19)

Actually, you can now do that, wheat.

Jason (41:22)

Because I'm a baby.

Mike (41:23)

A guy died doing it.

Jason (41:25)

That's.

Mike (41:25)

But he didn't know it was just one.

Jason (41:27)

He did not know.

Mike (41:28)

Oh, no, no. He was asleep.

Jason (41:29)

He went to bed. He didn't wake up. That's the way to go, man.

Mike (41:34)

I'm.

Jason (41:34)

Either way, man dies.

Andy (41:35)

So I went from last super sick. That is correct.

Mike (41:39)

Or I'm not waking up.

Andy (41:40)

Two more. Here we go.

Josh (41:41)

We're moving on to the movie plot.

Andy (41:42)

Gosh.

Josh (41:43)

And that movie title is Greaser's Palace.

Jason (41:47)

Spell that.

Josh (41:50)

All right. Is the plot of Greaser's Palace a greep. I'm sorry. A Greek mob boss with everything to lose. Battles, obesity.

Mike (41:58)

Okay, please.

Andy (41:59)

All right.

Mike (42:00)

Please.

Josh (42:01)

Is it a rundown hangout gains a reputation as a palace? Mostly because no one can agree who's in charge of it.

Andy (42:08)

All right, okay.

Josh (42:09)

Boring is Greaser's Palace. A suited evangelist performs miracles with his boogie woogie act.

Andy (42:17)

Okay, okay.

Jason (42:18)

All Right.

Josh (42:19)

Or is Greaser's Palace. Two street gangs meet in a 1950s showdown for control of the town square.

Andy (42:26)

Number two rundown locking.

Mike (42:29)

Okay, hold on, Greek.

Andy (42:30)

I'm the first picker. Well, I wrote Greek mob boss rundown, hangout, zoot suit, and the two street games.

Josh (42:36)

I can reread anything if you need it.

Andy (42:38)

I'm taking the rundown hangout.

Mike (42:39)

Jason.

Josh (42:40)

Yeah.

Mike (42:41)

Is Andy doing it again? Because that's the one I thought it was.

Jason (42:47)

I was not gonna.

Mike (42:48)

But he. If he here.

Jason (42:50)

If he did it twice, if he does it again, I will say this. I'm not. I'm not voting for that one. So he's not going to be able to do the triple up.

Mike (42:58)

Something Greek something hang out. Something I'm between.

Andy (43:01)

Mob boss, rundown, zoot suit, street gangs.

Mike (43:07)

You picked which one?

Andy (43:08)

Mob boss run down, zoot suit. Three games.

Josh (43:10)

Andy locked in the. I'm taking run hangout.

Andy (43:12)

Rundown hangout.

Mike (43:15)

I'm going with the rundown hangout.

Jason (43:18)

I think. I'm not looking. I think I'm going to take Andy's. But I loved the. The fat mob boss. That was my favorite. But I'm gonna go with the evangelist because I don't think any of us would say.

Mike (43:30)

All right.

Andy (43:31)

Is that final? Are we good? All right.

Josh (43:33)

Jason just picked the correct answer. Suited evangelist.

Jason (43:38)

And then what did those two pick? They both picked your answer. The tats work. That's a four point. Oh, my gosh.

Andy (43:46)

I don't even think Jason is double points in the last round.

Josh (43:48)

Not normally, but we can audible.

Jason (43:50)

No, we don't audible. Jason won this on the winner.

Andy (43:52)

Jason won.

Jason (43:53)

We're still gonna find out by how much.

Mike (43:55)

Yeah.

Josh (43:55)

Jason is currently up 8 to 3 to.

Mike (43:58)

This is an electric. Electric round of baller dude.

Josh (44:02)

Especially. I don't know if you recall, but his last one, he got just. Just ridiculed for how bad his answers were and how easy they were to identify.

Jason (44:09)

Yeah, it wasn't my best. I had to. I had to come strong today.

Andy (44:12)

And you have final answer. Yeah.

Jason (44:16)

Yeah.

Mike (44:16)

Final answer is yes after the round. Yeah, that. He's done very, very well.

Josh (44:20)

We're going to move on to the weird laws. I think he was saying final question.

Jason (44:24)

All right.

Josh (44:26)

Weird laws. In Simsbury, Connecticut, it is illegal for a politician to.

Mike (44:31)

I've lived there for three years.

Jason (44:32)

Oh, shoot.

Josh (44:33)

Is that true?

Mike (44:34)

No.

Josh (44:35)

I've known you your whole life. I can't believe I even asked that.

Andy (44:39)

Wow.

Jason (44:41)

I met you when you're two years old here in the Valley. When did you Live for a couple of years. Simsbury, Connecticut, very convincingly. You got me.

Josh (44:50)

All right. In Simsbury, Connecticut, it is illegal for a politician to shake hands with voters on Sunday.

Mike (44:56)

Okay. Sunday shake. Okay.

Josh (44:58)

It is illegal for a politician to campaign at the town dump.

Andy (45:02)

At the dump.

Mike (45:04)

Okay.

Josh (45:04)

It is illegal for a politician to accept campaign endorsements while wearing a mink coat.

Mike (45:11)

Okay.

Andy (45:11)

That's bull.

Josh (45:13)

It is illegal for a politician to go door to door soliciting votes.

Mike (45:17)

Door to door.

Jason (45:18)

Oh, man. That better not be the answer, because that seems reasonable. Sunday.

Mike (45:22)

Sunday. Handshakes at the dump. Dump with a mink coat.

Andy (45:26)

Yes.

Mike (45:27)

And then door to door.

Andy (45:28)

And you're the pick, Mike. And I want to beat you because Jason's already got it.

Mike (45:36)

Okay? So Sunday, you can't shake hands. You can't do it at the dump. Can't do.

Jason (45:42)

Can't do it in a mink coat.

Mike (45:44)

Can't do it in a mink coat. And you can't do a door to door. The door. Oh, goodness gracious. I'm going to go Sunday handshakes.

Jason (45:55)

I. This feels too like. I feel like the game wouldn't be this stupid, but I'm going to go the door to door votes. Door to door votes. Because you shouldn't be able to go door to door soliciting votes, in my opinion. Why not? It just feels dirty.

Andy (46:13)

What? I'm going Sunday.

Jason (46:16)

Oh, man.

Andy (46:16)

Sunday handshakes.

Jason (46:17)

What just happened? What just happened?

Andy (46:19)

Yeah, I tied with you.

Jason (46:20)

Tell me I got the right answer.

Josh (46:21)

Mike and Andy just chose the answer.

Jason (46:24)

Yeah, they did. I am a different undefeatable.

Josh (46:27)

And then Mike chose Andy's answer.

Jason (46:29)

Yes, you did. We tied Mikey.

Mike (46:32)

Wait.

Josh (46:32)

That puts Jason at 10 and Mike and Andy both at 3.

Jason (46:35)

I chose Andy's. Right? Yeah.

Mike (46:37)

Yeah.

Josh (46:37)

Oh, that's.

Jason (46:38)

I'm sorry.

Josh (46:38)

Yes.

Andy (46:38)

Yes. I was the door to door.

Mike (46:40)

Okay.

Andy (46:41)

You mopped the floor ever since you.

Jason (46:43)

Put on your fake tattoos.

Mike (46:44)

I just.

Jason (46:44)

I just needed. I needed some ink in my veins.

Mike (46:48)

The door to door. So the door to door was the right answer?

Andy (46:51)

No.

Jason (46:51)

No, that was Andy. What was the right answer?

Josh (46:53)

The correct answer was campaign at the town.

Jason (46:58)

That's better.

Andy (46:59)

Wow. All right. We're moving on to the draft.

Mike (47:01)

We make laws.

Jason (47:05)

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Andy (48:14)

Meet Millie.

Mike (48:15)

Millie's the head of the household. She demands her dry food come with a side of wet food. Millie. Sitter from Rover totally gets Millie, which is best for everyone. Find a sitter who's a perfect match for your pet. Rover. We get your pet.

Jason (48:37)

The spitballers draft.

Mike (48:40)

Before we actually do that, I just want to point out there was a town in the United States that they were setting boundaries and rules for political discourse.

Andy (48:53)

And the dump was the place.

Mike (48:55)

And they're like, here's where we draw the line. The dump.

Andy (48:59)

Yeah. Yeah. The dump was the place to be there, man. That's where everyone hung out in old Silsbury, Connecticut, or wherever it was.

Mike (49:04)

Which leads me to ask, what happened at that dump?

Andy (49:10)

I think they threw away all sorts of stuff, man. That's where all the teenagers went halfway. Teenagers always went. And they were parking at the dump.

Mike (49:16)

No, I'm saying there was some voting stuff that went on in that dump.

Andy (49:20)

Yeah, there was that.

Mike (49:21)

A story that will never.

Andy (49:21)

That dump was off the chain. Ways to kill a spider. We're drafting ways to kill a spider. Mike, you had the scat. You got the first pick, and there we go.

Mike (49:33)

I mean, there's only one. There's. There's. There's spiders. It's a problem for some of us. Sometimes we're just like, hey, there's. There's a super chill spider over there.

Andy (49:46)

Yeah, let's kill it.

Mike (49:47)

And I'm. Well, I'm like, hey, I'm just. You just do your thing, Spider.

Andy (49:50)

Yeah, be a spider.

Mike (49:51)

Yeah, you just do your thing.

Andy (49:52)

Hang out.

Mike (49:53)

But then there's the memes. There's only one way you kill it with fire. Yeah, you must. Yes, you must.

Andy (50:00)

And that's like, you must kill hairspray and a lighter normally, right?

Mike (50:04)

Fire.

Andy (50:05)

Fire.

Mike (50:05)

Just kill it.

Andy (50:07)

Set your house on fire.

Jason (50:08)

People have blowtorches. People Just have blowtorches.

Mike (50:10)

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Collateral damage.

Andy (50:12)

People just have blood.

Jason (50:14)

People just have them. Culinary blowtorches somewhere.

Mike (50:19)

Sometimes. The collateral damage.

Andy (50:20)

You ever done it with just like, one of those little. Which, I mean, trigger lighters, though? It's real slow.

Jason (50:26)

I would never get that close.

Mike (50:28)

Watch it. But I mean, like, speaking of collateral damage, Shout out to the 80s and 90s where we understood, like, in movies that that was like, this is part of the movie.

Jason (50:36)

Shout out to the 90s, where collateral damage was an awesome movie.

Mike (50:40)

Thank you. Yeah, thank you, Jason. Also, you kill the spiders with fire.

Jason (50:44)

Also, you know what has more fire than just fire? A nuclear bomb. I'm taking a nuclear bomb. It should have been the 101, but if I knew that there was spiders, I would take a nuclear bomb, whether it's a suitcase bomb dropped from a plane, preferably from a plane, because I think I would get away as far as possible. I'm taking a nuclear bomb for sure.

Mike (51:03)

I did not understand the draft. I thought we were just trying to kill a spider.

Jason (51:09)

I am just trying. That's why it's a bad spider, Mike.

Andy (51:12)

But Jason's view of a spider, it's a little elevated in his.

Jason (51:15)

Here's what the truth is. I don't have access to such things as nuclear bombs. Therefore, when I see a really heinous spider, I'm not going to nuke it. If I had access to a nuclear bomb where I could take me and the spider out so I don't have to deal with this, right? Probably.

Andy (51:31)

You nuke yourself.

Jason (51:33)

You got to do what you got to do.

Andy (51:34)

I'm going to go with a very classic method of spider killing. It's the boot I'm shaving.

Mike (51:40)

Yeah, yeah.

Andy (51:40)

It's not the shoe, it's the boot.

Jason (51:42)

Okay.

Andy (51:42)

Thick shoe. Watch yourself.

Jason (51:44)

Okay, I got you. I'm getting the boot. I understand the difference.

Andy (51:47)

I'm stomping it with a boot. Boot is extra protection up to the knee almost from the spider poison.

Mike (51:53)

Jeremy's note. I am collateral damage for Jason.

Jason (51:59)

Yeah.

Mike (51:59)

No, a boot. I was. I was between fire and the boot.

Andy (52:02)

Just.

Mike (52:03)

Just a good old fashioned. Just. Just a boot, a stomp, and then.

Andy (52:06)

I'm gonna just go with another true classic. Look, I'm not gonna get too nuclear on this spider right now. I'm gonna go pretty traditional. I'm a poison this thing, okay?

Mike (52:16)

Just like I'm using poison. Just a bug spray of some poison.

Andy (52:20)

Spider poison. Bug spray?

Jason (52:23)

Yeah, Bug spray.

Mike (52:24)

Yeah. Poison.

Jason (52:25)

There's poison.

Andy (52:28)

They'Re allergic to Poison, also everything.

Jason (52:31)

Spiders are allergic to poison.

Andy (52:32)

The spider's allergic to poison.

Josh (52:36)

That's right.

Jason (52:37)

Okay, but. So that's bug spray. Because that was on my list.

Mike (52:40)

Well, what do you think it is?

Andy (52:41)

Puppet poison?

Mike (52:43)

It's not just a glass bottle with a skull on it. You're like, that's poison.

Andy (52:48)

There's not a VAT of 100 gallons in a yellow container.

Jason (52:52)

There are lots of critters and bugs and ants and things like that that you put poison, like, down on the ground and you wait and someday they will come.

Andy (53:02)

And it's not for deers.

Jason (53:03)

That's what I'm saying. Like, this is not like a little capsule that you put down, you know, drop some poison on the ground. You're saying you, like when you see the spider, you take a can of Raid, and that's what you're getting. Yeah, that's high on my list. That gives me enough distance where I can do it.

Andy (53:21)

Hot shot. Sure, it's good stuff, poisoning the.

Mike (53:25)

We know what bug spray is.

Andy (53:26)

Yeah, man. We know what to find.

Jason (53:28)

But of course we know what bug sprays. He didn't draft bug spray. He drafted poison.

Mike (53:32)

He didn't draft the apple from Snow White.

Jason (53:34)

Jason.

Mike (53:35)

He drafted. We know what he took.

Andy (53:39)

All right, we're good. We're good. We're good with poison. We're poisoning.

Mike (53:44)

There's no. Misty, Josh.

Andy (53:45)

Josh is pointing out poison normally needs to be ingested.

Jason (53:48)

That's my point.

Andy (53:49)

What do you think the spider's doing with the poison?

Jason (53:51)

No one calls it spray poison. No. You know what? I'm back on my high horse here. This is not. You drafted poison, not bug spray, because bug spray is.

Andy (53:59)

Well, no, I described it as bug spray, but that's. What do you think is good for him?

Mike (54:02)

Hold on, hold on.

Andy (54:03)

It's good for him.

Mike (54:04)

What are you going to take?

Jason (54:06)

What? Well, it's not my turn.

Andy (54:08)

It is now.

Jason (54:08)

Wait, what'd you take, Mike?

Mike (54:10)

Fire. Do you know how the draft works? What show number are we on?

Andy (54:15)

354.

Jason (54:16)

350.

Mike (54:17)

You're confused.

Jason (54:19)

All right, if I'm just going on. I'm going to take a sticky trap, because that's fine.

Andy (54:26)

Slightly light. Less severe than a nuclear weapon.

Jason (54:28)

Slightly less severe. But also, I don't have to be around it. I don't have to know that it was ever there.

Mike (54:35)

Sure.

Jason (54:37)

I know that it will grab these heinous spiders and trap them inside. The best part is how slow they die.

Andy (54:43)

I know there's a morbidity to it.

Jason (54:46)

I forget that it's morbid. This show was the show where we had Peter reach out to us. Not this episode, but on Spitballers, they reached out to me.

Andy (54:54)

Peter.

Jason (54:55)

Peter.

Mike (54:57)

He's from Hunger Games.

Jason (54:59)

Yes. About like.

Andy (55:00)

The problem with sticky traps is you will. You will catch things. You don't. You'll be really sad you caught.

Jason (55:05)

I will never look inside that sticky trap in case there's a spider. Never, ever, ever.

Andy (55:11)

Don't tell Peter, but I've caught lizards before.

Jason (55:13)

I have. Super sad. My pest guy.

Andy (55:16)

A gecko. A gecko.

Mike (55:17)

Oh, if you caught a gecko now, man.

Andy (55:20)

Yeah, man. It's super sad.

Jason (55:21)

Wait, aren't geckos big enough to just like. You could eat a trap off with.

Andy (55:24)

You could catch a bird on accident.

Mike (55:26)

With a sticky trap in your house.

Andy (55:28)

I don't really know. I'm making that up.

Mike (55:29)

What are you letting birds in your house?

Andy (55:30)

I'm making that up, brother. I'm making it up straight out of my brain.

Jason (55:34)

My pest guy puts out the traps and removes the traps. I never look in them and I never want to see in them. Because there was one time at your cabin, Andy, where I looked inside of a trap that was on the ground and there were a whole big pot in there.

Mike (55:47)

Yeah.

Jason (55:48)

The only thing that I'm happy about, and I think this is the only thing that Peter and I would agree on, is that when I looked and I knew it died slowly. Well, you and you wanted to be.

Mike (55:59)

You both agree. Spider tried. Died a horrific slow death. What we cannot agree on is if that is good or bad.

Jason (56:07)

Right, Right.

Andy (56:08)

Right.

Jason (56:08)

You. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. But we both agree. Long slow death happened. Stuck via starvation.

Mike (56:15)

Yeah, yeah.

Andy (56:16)

You stay sticky trapped Also.

Jason (56:18)

Demons deserve poor.

Mike (56:21)

Okay, look, Peter's on the show. It's too late.

Andy (56:25)

I'm sorry.

Mike (56:25)

Peter, are insects are a different lineage than animal.

Jason (56:33)

It's not an animal.

Andy (56:34)

Correct. I mean, I do. My wife has taught me to really like and respect the spiders that do not pose a threat.

Mike (56:42)

Yeah, yeah. No.

Andy (56:42)

And I have. I've learned to live with those spiders. Calm down.

Mike (56:45)

You got it.

Andy (56:46)

So, Peter, listen.

Mike (56:47)

You got a web up there and you're taking out. Taking out mosquitoes. Peter, we're bff.

Andy (56:51)

If you are a threat. If you're a threat to me.

Jason (56:54)

I just googled our spiders animals and I didn't think.

Mike (56:58)

Oh, that you. You didn't think you would get an image.

Jason (57:00)

Oh, my God.

Mike (57:01)

What was the answer, though?

Jason (57:02)

The answer was by spider eyes and spider legs and spider bodies and death and nastiness.

Andy (57:09)

You're back to the nukes.

Jason (57:10)

I am 100% back to the nukes. And I want to be on the nuke when it goes. I want to ride the nuke.

Andy (57:17)

I mean, I can picture Jason, he walks into a spider with a. One of those strap on, dynamite chest like.

Mike (57:25)

Like an old bank.

Andy (57:26)

Like a strap on bomb.

Mike (57:28)

1980S movie. I'm gonna blow it up.

Andy (57:31)

Yeah, I'll do. Gonna do it.

Jason (57:32)

I'm gonna be Steve Buscemi riding the nuke.

Andy (57:35)

Yep. All right, Mike, you got two picks. You've already killed a spider with fire.

Jason (57:39)

Yeah.

Mike (57:40)

Okay, so that's.

Andy (57:41)

Poor spider.

Mike (57:42)

That's. I mean, that's a. It's a. It's strong. It's a strong start.

Andy (57:46)

It's a great start.

Mike (57:47)

So I have.

Andy (57:48)

Legendary. I have.

Mike (57:50)

I mean, what. We'll just go with it. Because you know what? There are many aspects of my life where your boy is not a grown man.

Andy (58:01)

Sure. We all have those spots.

Jason (58:02)

I don't have any that aren't.

Mike (58:04)

You don't have any.

Jason (58:05)

All of my spots in life are. I'm not a grown man.

Mike (58:07)

Okay, okay, okay. A slap. Come on, guys.

Jason (58:11)

Oh, my God. With your hand.

Josh (58:15)

Move.

Mike (58:15)

With my bare hand.

Jason (58:16)

That's not a. Not a man.

Mike (58:17)

Spiders don't bother me.

Andy (58:19)

I'll just slap. One of mine is squished with a finger. Squish with my finger.

Mike (58:24)

But blab. Spiders gone.

Andy (58:26)

Yeah, it's gone.

Mike (58:27)

Because if you do it real quick, that's gone.

Andy (58:29)

They don't do nothing to you. They go.

Mike (58:32)

They're really small.

Andy (58:34)

Yeah.

Mike (58:34)

And.

Andy (58:34)

And their bodies go.

Mike (58:36)

The majority of them cannot hurt you.

Andy (58:38)

Yeah. They're just goo after that.

Mike (58:40)

So, yeah, you do have to watch.

Andy (58:42)

Spider go off your face.

Mike (58:43)

I'm taking that. I'm taking that. Just. Just a quick hands.

Andy (58:45)

And you know what, Jason? You may look at that with. With some grotesque reaction. If a spider's on you, guess what, you're hitting it with your hand.

Mike (58:53)

He's not. He's not.

Andy (58:54)

If a spider's on.

Mike (58:55)

No. His shirt is off.

Andy (58:56)

He's using fire.

Mike (58:57)

No, he's.

Jason (58:58)

The amount of vibrations and movements that my body just had. So quick, that spider will be on you.

Andy (59:03)

Got one on you.

Jason (59:04)

I will never run a faster 40 in my life than when I see a spider on my bicycle.

Andy (59:10)

Beyond you, dude, it can hang on.

Jason (59:11)

I will be 40 yards away.

Andy (59:13)

All right. Fire in a slap, Mike. Okay.

Mike (59:14)

And then maybe it's. Maybe I have a little bit more time. You know, it's sitting there. I Don't happen to have my flamethrower? My home.

Andy (59:25)

Yeah. That protection flamethrower, it's not charging.

Mike (59:29)

It's not crawling on me. And you just. You. Sometimes you just want it to go. You just grab that bug zapper, guys.

Jason (59:37)

Oh, I love the bug zapper.

Mike (59:39)

The tennis racket bug zapper. You just turn it on. You slowly lower it. You go, yeah, pop.

Andy (59:44)

Yeah. Bug zappers on the list, man. Yep, Bug zappers on the list. Jason, you are back.

Jason (59:49)

I was gonna. That was my pick.

Andy (59:51)

Nuclear weapons and a sticky trap. Can we find something between the two? Can we kill it with something else?

Jason (59:56)

Oh, gosh.

Andy (59:57)

I remember one way you kill.

Jason (59:58)

Look, I know my next pick, so you can't say, okay, all right. Because this is my preferred method in real life.

Andy (60:07)

I know exactly what it is.

Jason (60:08)

Good. I think you're probably right, to be honest.

Andy (60:11)

And it's.

Jason (60:12)

Bug sprays are too close. It's thick, it's big, It's Jeremy.

Andy (60:17)

Oh, is it really?

Jason (60:19)

Yeah.

Mike (60:20)

Oh, did you just say it's big, it's Jeremy.

Jason (60:23)

I said it's thick, it's big, it's Jeremy. I thought. I mean, he was. I was going, jeremy. And he said, it's thick, it's big. So I had to.

Andy (60:31)

I thought it was a book, man, not a human.

Jason (60:33)

Oh, man. No, denser than that. I have been. I have been in other cities and had Jeremy drive to me. No, across cities.

Andy (60:43)

No, you are a baby.

Jason (60:44)

To protect me and my family from monstrous demon spiders.

Andy (60:49)

I remember this. You had a spider in your car.

Jason (60:51)

Yes.

Andy (60:51)

Up and pulled over, and he had to come kill Jeremy. Stop enabling this baby.

Jason (60:55)

No, no, no.

Andy (60:56)

He's a big, big baby.

Jason (60:57)

You're not going to kill it, though.

Josh (60:58)

Freaking Jon Snow showed up.

Jason (60:59)

That's right.

Josh (61:00)

Whatever his name was.

Jason (61:01)

Yeah, Some. Some guy showed up off the side, grabbed him with his hand.

Andy (61:06)

Yeah, because it's a spider, man.

Jason (61:07)

Yeah.

Mike (61:08)

See, it can't be done.

Andy (61:09)

I got my final two picks. I got one standard, one wild card. Okay, Standard is going to be a fly swatter. I'm going fly swatter. Nice. It's a class. Gives me some distance. I go whip it. But my little wild card, my fourth pick. So I got fly swatter for my third pick.

Mike (61:27)

Fly swatter. Far more practical than the bug zapper.

Andy (61:32)

Absolutely.

Jason (61:32)

I'll be honest with you. Peter earmuffs the bug zapper. We use Peter don't listen all the time for nats. We've got a nap problem. And so we've got, like, the Interesting. The. The little zapper.

Mike (61:45)

It's one.

Jason (61:45)

It's only fruit flies. Yeah.

Mike (61:47)

So you just turn it on. You just kind of go.

Jason (61:49)

Yeah, you just wave it around and it pops.

Andy (61:51)

Pop, pop, pop.

Mike (61:52)

All right.

Jason (61:52)

I don't use it on flies because it takes like three times.

Andy (61:58)

So spiders. Am I not getting the first exact.

Mike (62:00)

If you get a fly good with it once, it's fine. Yeah, but it's just. It's. You have to go slower because you don't want to.

Jason (62:07)

Fly swatter is great.

Mike (62:08)

Fly swatter.

Jason (62:09)

Done.

Andy (62:10)

My. My fourth pick is wild card. I'm releasing a lizard.

Mike (62:14)

Okay.

Andy (62:15)

I'm releasing a lizard.

Jason (62:16)

I like to go eat the spider predator.

Mike (62:18)

Have you ever.

Andy (62:19)

You'd rather have a lizard in your house, wouldn't you?

Jason (62:20)

I would much rather have a. I will. I will breed lizards. Lizards. If I can get rid of spiders.

Mike (62:27)

Have you seen, like, there's. There. Every once in a while, a video will go around as viral of like, someone will have a big bug on their ceiling and they'll just have like a. Like a chameleon or something. Pet. And so they slowly raise the lizard up.

Andy (62:43)

Oh.

Mike (62:43)

And then it goes.

Andy (62:44)

Dude, it's tongue. I've seen that one. They hold it up to the ceiling.

Mike (62:48)

It's awesome.

Andy (62:48)

And it just zap. It grabs the. Yeah, that's a good one.

Mike (62:52)

I don't see Peter getting mad at them.

Andy (62:54)

At the lizards. Yeah, no, Peter is. He's just mad at us. Peter is irritated. Jason, you've gone nukes a sticky trap. Another person. You got to close it out now. I want to say this before you pick. And you don't have to pick.

Jason (63:09)

I picked Jeremy.

Andy (63:10)

You picked Jeremy.

Jason (63:11)

Not another person.

Andy (63:12)

But the thing is, is that when like 20 years ago you told me this story. There was a spider in your house. You had young kids. You had to face your fears because no one else wanted to deal with it. You had to protect your family. And I believe. And I'll bridge and I'll bridge this story. Jason put on armor.

Jason (63:30)

Yes.

Andy (63:31)

Like knight's armor.

Jason (63:33)

Can I describe it to you?

Andy (63:34)

And then you grabbed a book that was Shakespeare's works. All of them in like a thousand point font. So it's a huge book.

Jason (63:40)

Gigantic, biggest book.

Andy (63:41)

And he went running at the wall with the armor on.

Jason (63:44)

It wasn't just a wall. It was the Arcadia sliding glass door.

Andy (63:47)

What was it?

Jason (63:48)

And it had a drape in front of it. So I had to. I almost broke. I almost shattered that door.

Mike (63:55)

It was on the drape.

Jason (63:56)

It was on the drape front of the glass.

Andy (63:58)

And you went at it with the lifetime works of Shakespeare.

Jason (64:02)

I had goggles on. I had the, you know the giant yellow rubber dish gloves that are like up to your elbows. I had those on. I went and changed into full sleeve shirts.

Andy (64:13)

I remember this.

Jason (64:14)

Pants, boots.

Andy (64:16)

You manned up. You man.

Jason (64:18)

Darn right I did. Sometimes a dad has to protect his children. And so I went and after 15 minutes I was ready for war. And I found this book and I ran at it and I pushed it.

Andy (64:31)

Hero stuff.

Jason (64:32)

Truly a hero. Truly a hero.

Mike (64:35)

Did you get it?

Jason (64:36)

Yeah, no, I did. That thing was you confirmed. Other people did. I ran.

Andy (64:41)

So what's your fourth pick? Are you going the works of Shakespeare.

Jason (64:45)

It's in consideration. Part of me is so I'm considering moving. That's definitely up there.

Andy (64:51)

Like just how do you kill a spider?

Jason (64:52)

You move, you hope it dies.

Mike (64:54)

For sale with kindness.

Andy (64:56)

Yeah, Kill it with kindness.

Jason (65:01)

Man. This is going to be so I've got a bunch of different things I could could grab. Some are funny. A knife, a machine gun. I already took a nuclear weapon. I think I'm good there. Spear is the best weapon ever made. But it's too fine point I would worry about missing. I do often worry about missing a spider. That's my biggest fear when I go I get it.

Andy (65:23)

One time I tried to with a piece like a plastic container on the end of a pole capture a bug.

Mike (65:29)

Oh, that's a bad idea.

Andy (65:30)

And when I pushed a capturing it got free. You don't want to capture. You want to kill.

Jason (65:34)

Yeah, Peter. I would say the tool I probably.

Andy (65:40)

Use the most with Peter is he wants a black widow to kill my family. That's the problem with Peter. Yeah. Everything's fun and games till worth more than a black widow kills my family. And when I'm dead, Peter, I hope you visit my grave.

Jason (65:54)

Oh, I hope he does.

Mike (65:55)

They won't. They won't.

Jason (65:56)

He'll bring a bunch of black widows.

Mike (65:58)

He'll bring a bunch of fundraising letters to your.

Jason (66:02)

I will say I'm just gonna go with what is true. Probably my most used killing machine for spiders.

Andy (66:12)

Okay, let's hear it.

Jason (66:13)

It is very similar to a spear, but it is hundreds if not thousands of spears. It's a broom.

Mike (66:21)

Broom is a great normal.

Andy (66:22)

Wait a minute.

Mike (66:23)

But there is a problem.

Andy (66:24)

Broom's gonna take care of the killing part, not just the brushing away part. So it's alive.

Jason (66:28)

Here's what my father taught me when I was young.

Andy (66:31)

Let's hear this.

Jason (66:32)

Here's what my father taught me when I was young, and I didn't believe him.

Andy (66:34)

Okay.

Jason (66:34)

But it's happened enough times that I know it is.

Andy (66:37)

Is the dad that uses the bubble mirrors. Go on.

Jason (66:38)

This is the dad that uses the bubble mirrors. He told me this is when I was a little kid. He probably doesn't even remember this. I remember this because I'm so scarred by spiders. But that basically a broom. And I'm talking about the one not like a big push broom or like the broom sweep your house.

Andy (66:57)

It looks like it's hay at the end of it.

Jason (67:00)

Not hay, but it's got the angled.

Andy (67:02)

Okay, yeah, I got you that.

Jason (67:05)

It's basically like thousands of spears to the spider and that it'll just go right through him.

Andy (67:09)

He lied to you.

Jason (67:10)

He didn't.

Andy (67:10)

He lied.

Jason (67:11)

He might have been lying, but he was accidentally correct. Because I have found that if you go straight on not.

Mike (67:17)

You don't whap it from the top.

Andy (67:19)

No, no, no.

Jason (67:20)

He's saying point, like a spear point. Like point forward. The Brussels.

Andy (67:24)

This is why I said he lied.

Mike (67:26)

Hold on.

Jason (67:26)

The Brussels out.

Mike (67:27)

But just so I know.

Jason (67:28)

Bristles.

Andy (67:28)

First of all, it's bristles. It's not Brussels. We're not in freaking Denmark.

Mike (67:32)

This is a. A forward stabbing motion. Forward stabbing motion, also known as pushing the broom.

Jason (67:38)

Yes, but when you push a broom, a lot of times you think Belgium.

Andy (67:41)

Sorry, we're not in Belgium.

Jason (67:42)

You think about sliding. You say pushing a broom, but you're.

Andy (67:45)

You're pushing it across the. I want to tell you something right now.

Jason (67:47)

I'm not doing this. I'm not doing the Most spiders don't.

Andy (67:50)

Care about what you're doing to them. That's not true.

Jason (67:52)

I'm taking the bristles and I'm. I'm stabbing.

Andy (67:55)

Stabbing with the bristles because where are.

Jason (67:57)

Spiders almost always when you see them? Not always, but almost always. They're in a corner, they're in a crack. They are on the wall where the floor meets the wall, where the ceiling.

Andy (68:06)

Every spider you've ever done that to is alive inside that broom.

Mike (68:08)

Yep, yep.

Andy (68:09)

Check it within. Don't you say there's a colony. Don't you say that there's a colony of.

Jason (68:13)

Do not say that to me. Do not say that here in my house.

Andy (68:17)

No, you've got a little soft little broom.

Jason (68:20)

I've got spear. I've got a spear broom.

Andy (68:22)

You brushed him into a new hole.

Mike (68:24)

Yeah, you have. You've killed them with a.

Jason (68:26)

With a thousands of spear broom.

Mike (68:27)

You're like, hey, do you want to go to a spider resort where there's free amenities?

Andy (68:31)

You want to live in between these bristles?

Jason (68:33)

When I buy a broom, I asked Chad GPT.

Mike (68:36)

There's probably hundreds of other bugs.

Jason (68:38)

Which broom has the most spear like bristles.

Andy (68:40)

Hard to hit them with too, by the way. That's a narrow. I'm narrow little fake spears.

Jason (68:44)

I am afraid of them, and I hit them all the time with this. They're in a corner and you just whap and they're gone. They disappear from the earth.

Andy (68:51)

I don't want to say this.

Jason (68:52)

They're guts. They.

Mike (68:52)

They're not.

Andy (68:53)

I don't want to make you mad, but you have thousands of spears.

Jason (68:55)

It's a transportation device. When I hit them with it, they.

Mike (68:57)

Are to your pant.

Andy (69:00)

They're in your pantry right now.

Mike (69:01)

They're probably in your food.

Jason (69:03)

Oh, my gosh.

Mike (69:03)

I don't. I don't want to tell you that.

Andy (69:05)

Fire.

Josh (69:05)

A slap.

Andy (69:06)

A bug zapper. Mike, one final pick for you before we say goodbye.

Mike (69:09)

So, macho man, Randy Savage, Elbow drop.

Andy (69:12)

Elbow drop.

Mike (69:13)

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Jason (69:14)

I thought you were going with a elbow drop.

Andy (69:16)

Now you a slim Jim dude. Either of those hard to be accurate with.

Mike (69:22)

Oh, I know. But this, this is the glory play.

Andy (69:24)

That is in front of the family.

Jason (69:26)

Oh.

Andy (69:26)

Oh, that's sick.

Mike (69:27)

Of course.

Andy (69:28)

Drop a spider.

Jason (69:29)

Can I ask you guys a genuine not a joke question?

Mike (69:32)

No. If your question is have I ever actually elbow dropped a spider?

Jason (69:36)

I know the.

Mike (69:37)

I've made it up. Yeah, I made it up for the show.

Jason (69:40)

No, this is a real.

Mike (69:40)

I haven't actually done it.

Jason (69:41)

This is a real question because this happened basically over the last week, two things happened, and it made me actually question whether I could. Could or would do something. So. So two weeks ago, a very large spider was crawling across our floor.

Mike (70:00)

Give me the type.

Jason (70:01)

It was. I think it was a daddy long legs wolf spider. It was not a wolf spider. I would be dead right now. No, no, no.

Andy (70:07)

Really long.

Mike (70:08)

It matters for the story.

Jason (70:09)

There was a really big daddy long legs that I've never seen crawl. Like, I've never seen him crawling on the floor.

Mike (70:15)

It's the funniest name of a spider ever. What are we doing?

Jason (70:19)

It was crawling faster than, like, it was just on the move. It was like, I got places to be. I got a date tonight. And it was moving and I saw caffeine. And the easiest thing in the world, I had shoes on. It was the easiest thing I could have. Just boots or regular Regular shoes.

Andy (70:33)

Just checking.

Jason (70:34)

But I could have gone and stepped on this thing and not broken a sweat. I couldn't. I couldn't do it. I ran. I got my wife.

Andy (70:41)

Scarediness.

Jason (70:42)

Yeah. And then she couldn't do it. And then like an hour later, she finally stepped on it because she didn't.

Andy (70:48)

Want to live like that.

Jason (70:49)

It's tougher than me then I. Since that day, I kept thinking, I think the right move is the second you see one before your brain. For me, can. Can like, really, truly.

Andy (71:04)

This is a spider up to.

Jason (71:06)

It's a spider. I'm super afraid. This is. I feel like the right move is the second you are unsure if it's a spider. If it's not, just go step on it. Like, that's the answer before your brain can register it. So this was like last night before I was sweeping the kitchen. I just cleaned the kitchen, done the dishes.

Mike (71:24)

And so you have. You have your ultimate weapon.

Jason (71:27)

I have my ultimate weapon, but the weapon is for the corners. And I wanted that clear that the broom does not work on flat surfaces as well as in a corner. In a corner, you could push it into the corner and murder it. But I was barefoot in the kitchen, and it turned out it was just a piece of fuzz. Okay, okay.

Mike (71:45)

But you get.

Jason (71:46)

But I thought. Did I get it?

Mike (71:48)

Did you get it?

Jason (71:49)

I didn't. I was scared. But I thought about getting it. My question that is genuine. My question about genuine is, would you guys barefoot, step on a spider like you. You need to kill a spider. That's. We just. Whatever the reasons are. You establish I have to kill a spider. Would you guys do it barefoot and step on it and kill?

Mike (72:12)

Yes.

Andy (72:14)

I want to say yes, but I'm an easy yes. I know. If I didn't have a shoe on, I'd be looking for something to hit it with.

Jason (72:18)

Yeah.

Andy (72:19)

So if I really had to.

Jason (72:20)

So that's your. No.

Andy (72:21)

If it was poisonous.

Jason (72:22)

Mike is the one who chose slap.

Andy (72:24)

Yeah.

Jason (72:24)

I can't do the skin. Spider on skin doesn't work. They're all their venom and poison. Name Spider on skin.

Mike (72:32)

Spider Skin.

Andy (72:33)

Spider on skin.

Jason (72:36)

What did we learn today?

Andy (72:37)

Look, I learned that Jason's got a lot of spiders still living in those brooms, baby. He's got a lot of spiders. Those brooms.

Jason (72:44)

I learned that tattoos make you smarter, baby. I sleeved up and I owned on Baller Dash.

Andy (72:50)

Yes, you did.

Mike (72:50)

And I learned that we're. We are very uneducated about the three musketeers.

Andy (72:55)

What did they do what did you talk about, Grumpy?

Jason (72:59)

You talk about Athos? Porthos?

Mike (73:01)

That's yes, and Ethos and Barthos.

Andy (73:04)

Catch you next time.

Jason (73:05)

Bartholomew thanks for listening to the Spitball Ballers podcast to see what other nonsense.

Josh (73:12)

The guys are up to.

Jason (73:13)

Check out spitballers pod.com.

Josh (73:28)

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You could go out to eat or.

Andy (73:59)

You could just make a Marie Callender's meal. Marie Callender's classic Chicken Parmigiano bowl is so good. It has marinara sauce that's made from scratch and creamy mozzarella cheese over pasta. It's delicious with no artificial flavors, colors or preservatives and 30 grams of protein. You can find it in the frozen aisle. Marie Calendars what having it all tastes like.