Spitballers Comedy Podcast

Episode: Andy Melts Down & Best Ice Cream Mix-ins

Date: February 9, 2026
Hosts: Andy, Mike, Jason

Episode Overview

In this laugh-filled episode, the Spitballers triumvirate battles it out over the ultimate ice cream toppings and mix-ins, revives their infamous “Highway to Spell” spelling showdown (with a special guest from their producer alley), and tackles burning “Would You Rather” questions ranging from alien encounters to hygiene dilemmas. Expect classic Spitballers chaos, some surprising revelations, and the usual barrage of dad-level nonsense.

Key Segments and Discussions

1. Show Kickoff & “Highway to Spell” Returns

Timestamps: [01:07]–[02:35]

• The show starts with their signature comedic banter about recurring bits—Jason’s scatting, Andy’s playful antagonism over “Highway to Spell,” and Mike stirring up office rumors about producer Papa Josh’s supposed spelling prowess.
• The “Highway to Spell” spelling contest is resurrected due to fan requests, sparking delight, dread, and trash talk among the crew.
• Notable exchange:
  • Andy [02:24]: “To the person—thank you for your support. Please cancel your subscription. Please, please, please cancel it. Please go away.”
    (Rare Andy meltdown, brimming with mock exasperation.)

2. Would You Rather: Aliens, Dinosaurs, or Gold?

Timestamps: [07:03]–[15:43]

• The guys debate which they’d rather discover in their backyard: a crashed UFO with dead aliens, a fully intact T. Rex skeleton, or ten gold bars.
• Spirited disagreement over government coverups, the real value of a T. Rex, and the likelihood of life beyond Earth.
• Pop-science tangents emerge: Mike stans for probability ("billions and billions of stars!”), while Andy and Jason are skeptical Fermi Paradox believers.
• Memorable Quotes:
  • Jason [08:43]: “A full T. Rex skeleton is worth $6 to 30 million dollars.”
  • Andy [09:00]: “Can you monetize [the dead alien]? Or is it seized by the government?”
  • Jason [11:07]: "You're getting eminent domain’d by the government."
• Poll Live Discussion: Andy runs a real-time poll: "Do you believe that aliens are real?" (Result: ~77% say yes.)
• Mike [13:10]: “There was a time when people were like, yeah, we're the center of the universe…”

3. Would You Rather: Clean Clothes or Showers?

Timestamps: [15:59]–[18:15]

• The team must choose: only showering twice a month with fresh clothes each day, or showering daily but only changing clothes twice a month.
• Hilariously gross logistics are debated: working out, the horror of aging socks/underwear, and the power of deodorant and Axe body spray.
• Jason [16:57]: "If I'm not showering every day... I'm smelling like a butthole."
• Andy [17:42]: “With clean clothes, deodorant, a little cologne... I will be okay.”

4. Would You Rather: Intermittent Fasting or One Large Meal?

Timestamps: [21:15]–[24:33]

• Debate: eat one huge meal daily or normal meals every other day (implying 24-hour fasts).
• Andy and Jason reflect on their “blubber” and fasting sagas.
• Jason [22:34]: “I think I could go days without a meal... but I get a headache.”
• Andy [23:31]: “I've done two different times like a three day water fast...”
• Quick detour to breakfast opinions—Andy skips it; Jason defends it as the “start of metabolism.”

5. Microwave Omelet Lifehacks & 80/20 Principle

Timestamps: [24:44]–[27:35]

• The merits of microwave omelets (“takes 45 seconds!”) and modern time-saving dad cooking hacks.
• Ties into the show’s overarching “efficiency seeks humor” ethos.
• Andy [25:01]: “This is an omelet. It's like we've wasted so much time...”

6. Highway to Spell — Competitive Spelling Bee

Timestamps: [30:18]–[42:54]

• The iconic spelling bee style contest returns, now featuring “Papa Josh” as a challenger.
• The crew cycles through fifth to ninth grade words (“amendment,” “calendar,” “laboratory”), leading to mounting anxiety, carefully orchestrated sabotage, and Andy’s eventual meltdown.
• Best Moments:
  • Andy [37:08]: “Going fast is an idiotic move.” (Failing on “laboratory.”)
  • Josh [41:04]: Nails “pseudonym.”
  • Mike [42:00]: Closes with “vulnerable.”
  • Jason [42:35]: Taunts Josh for a confident but incorrect “austerity”: "You just spelled ostrich!"
• Result: Mike triumphs, Andy is roasted for screwing up, Josh holds his own in the Deucer's Alley.

7. Draft: Best Ice Cream Toppings and Mix-ins

Timestamps: [44:08]–[61:20]

• The trio embarks on a passionate draft of their favorite ice cream add-ins—with violently divided camps between “topping traditionalists” (Jason) and “mix-in maximalists” (Andy, Mike).
• Jason rails against “candy for candy’s sake,” choosing basics like whipped cream, caramel, and sprinkles, insisting on the sanctity of the sundae.
• Mike and Andy double down on “mix-in” culture: Oreos, peanut butter cups, brownies, cookie dough, and Biscoff cookies.
• The Cold Stone vs. classic “ice cream parlor” argument rages.
• Highlight Quotes:
  • Jason [46:35]: “Do you know what happens in your mouth, you idiots, when they’re mixed in?... Delicious.”
  • Andy [49:47]: “You don’t understand how much you dislike ice cream. I do understand. You’re not ordering accents to your ice cream. You’re ordering individual desserts, not ice cream.”
  • Jason [56:12]: [Enraged] “Cold Stone is not ice cream!”
  • Andy [58:56]: “Marshmallow cream... if you put a brownie and marshmallow cream and you do the mixing, then it's gonna be so good.”
  • Mike [59:30]: “For toppings, I'm going to take Biscoff cookies.”
  • Jason [60:14]: “Everything I put on mine goes together. It's for people that actually appreciate things in life.”
• Final Draft Picks (Highlights):
  • Jason: Whipped cream, caramel, Reese’s Pieces, sprinkles
  • Mike: Oreos, fudge, Biscoff cookies, peanut butter
  • Andy: Peanut butter cups, brownies, cookie dough, marshmallow cream

8. Final Reflections & “What Did We Learn?”

Timestamps: [61:16]–[61:39]

• Recap: Papa Josh is a better speller than Andy, Mike claims superiority over both.
• Closing joke: “What did you learn today?” / “I have no friends.” (Jason, after relentless topping mockery.)

Notable Quotes & Moments

• Andy’s Meltdown:
  • “To the person... please cancel your subscription. Please, please, please cancel it. Please go away.” [02:24]
• Ice Cream Draft Clashes:
  • “You just want candy. You want ice cream out of it.” — Jason [48:24]
  • “We're not dipping into a coffee!” — Andy [59:44], on Biscoff cookies pick.
• Topping Philosophy:
  • "Everything I put on mine goes together. It's for people that actually appreciate things in life." — Jason [60:14]
• Spelling Bee Tension:
  • “Going fast is an idiotic move.” — Andy [37:08]
  • “You just tried to spell ostrich!” — Jason [42:37], roasting Josh’s “austerity” blunder.

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:07] Show intro/topic banter
• [07:03] Would You Rather: Alien, dino, or gold
• [15:59] Would You Rather: Showers vs. clothes
• [21:15] Would You Rather: Fasting or one meal
• [24:44] Microwave omelet/80-20 talk
• [30:18] Highway to Spell: Spelling Bee
• [44:08] Ice Cream Toppings & Mix-ins Draft
• [61:16] “What did we learn?”

Tone & Style

The Spitballers bring classic, clean humor; lots of exaggerated grumbling, mock outrage, and playful insults fly. Dad jokes abound. The chemistry among the three hosts is familial, irreverent, and welcoming—making for a show that’s funny, lighthearted, and satisfying for the whole family.

Summary for First-time Listeners

If you’re new to the Spitballers, this episode is a perfect sampler platter: you get outrageous hypotheticals, an epic spelling bee (with embarrassing results), and perhaps the most heated argument over ice cream culture you’ll ever hear on a podcast. By the end, you’ll know these three dads—and their dessert loyalties—inside out.