Spitballers Comedy Podcast
Episode: Andy’s Potty Mouth & The Best Treasure Hunters - Spit Hits!
Hosts: Andy, Mike, Jason
Date: February 16, 2026
Episode Overview
This episode of Spitballers delivers a classic blend of offbeat humor, absurd life hypotheticals, and playful bickering between the award-winning comedic trio. The primary theme is "treasure hunting," featuring creative debates about the best fictional treasure hunters in pop culture, along with the ever-popular “Would You Rather” scenarios and a special “Liar, Liar” fact-or-fiction challenge. A few PG slips and plenty of memorable punchlines pepper the conversation, showcasing the crew’s signature banter.
Main Segments with Timestamps
1. ASMR Cold Open & Andy’s “Potty Mouth”
[01:53–03:39]
- The show opens with the hosts “whispering” in a mock-ASMR bit, which drives Mike up the wall.
- Jason: “Get that directly into your ears, dripping from there to your soul.” [01:53]
- Andy: “I was also super disturbed by that. I don’t have any, like, special, like… It’s not a hearing thing.” [02:53]
- The group riffs on misophonia and their annoyance with ASMR, before quickly veering into their classic irreverence.
- Tone: Goofy, slightly gross, and already pushing Andy toward his on-theme "potty mouth" moment later.
2. Would You Rather: Gross-Out Gauntlet & Pop Culture Crossovers
[04:23–21:41]
A. Cockroaches or Raw Chicken?
[04:23–09:18]
- Would you rather eat three living cockroaches or a raw chicken breast?
- Andy: “The raw chicken is dead and will go down smooth. It will not be fun.” [08:28]
- Jason: “This is a gusher’s candy.” [06:55]
- Jason shares a college story about swallowing a live goldfish for a comedy show and the aftermath:
- Jason: “Did the show. Drew up all night long." [07:52]
- Final team split: Andy and Jason pick raw chicken over live roaches; Mike surprisedly picks roaches.
B. Which Pop Culture Mentor?
[09:25–15:58]
- Would you prefer to time travel with Doc Brown, fight crime with Batman, train karate with Mr. Miyagi, learn the Force with Yoda, or hunt treasure with Indiana Jones?
- Jason: “Yoda is a clear win, right?... because in the end, I have the force. I can... move a rock on your head.” [10:39]
- Group dismisses Miyagi, pokes fun at Indiana Jones’s, and debates the lure of gadgets and lairs vs. treasure.
C. Hemsworth vs. DeVito—The Ultimate Mashup
[14:43–17:07]
- Would you rather have Chris Hemsworth’s body with Danny DeVito’s face/personality, or DeVito’s body with Hemsworth's face/personality?
- Group agrees: “Give me Danny DeVito’s face... I’ll walk around with a bag on my face.” – Jason [15:08]
- Mike: “He’s awesome… and I get to be yoked. And funny.” [16:13]
D. Amazon, Everglades, or Outback—Where Would You Survive?
[17:13–21:41]
- Comparisons of their odds in deadly natural environments, with plenty of armchair survival and gross out humor about spiders, dehydration, and Bear Grylls.
- Andy: “The Everglades easily for me… I don’t think that many gators are killing that many people.” [18:25]
- Jason: “This is not a question about where are we going to survive. This is how do we want to live in our last 24 hours.” [20:51]
- They reference ChatGPT and Google to (cheat and) back up their “logic.”
3. Liar, Liar – Animal Oddities, Sweet Tooth History & French Faux Pas
[24:25–37:00]
Round 1 – Animal Facts (Bears, Ant-Zombies, Horses) [24:28–28:01]
- False fact revealed: The Sun Bear’s bowel habits—a highly suspect “Mollyanus” story.
- Mike tries to warn about distractions with bathroom-themed facts.
- Jason: “When we started this segment, I saw that third question being edited…” [28:08]
Round 2 – Candy Bars, Knitting Spies, Atomic Survivors [28:41–31:36]
- False fact revealed: The “Spindle Sisters” granny spy network, which delights everyone with its silliness.
- Jason on Three Musketeers’ original flavors: “If that one is a lie, that’s a good lie.” [29:00]
Round 3 – Brad Pitt, Governors Without Bathrooms & French Flatulence [31:36–37:00]
- False fact revealed: Rhode Island’s governor having no private bathroom.
- Most memorable segment: The hosts lose it over the “ChatGPT” pronounced in French (“cat, I have farted”). Cue the episode’s only bleep.
- Jason: “Did we have our first bleep? Did we have our first bleep? Oh, baby, that one was a little too clean.” [34:06]
Notable Quote:
- Mike (victorious): “I’m the smartest man alive. Yeah, you take your second L. And I also played…” [36:22]
4. Spitballers Draft: Ultimate Treasure Hunter Teams
[39:24–55:44]
Draft Premise: Choose fictional characters to assemble the best “lost treasure” hunting squad.
Key Picks
Jason: Indiana Jones, Batman, Robert Langdon (from Da Vinci Code), Captain Jack Sparrow
Andy: Sherlock Holmes, Bilbo Baggins, Harry Potter, Scrooge McDuck
Mike: Lara Croft (Tomb Raider), Benjamin Franklin Gates (National Treasure), Nathan Drake (Uncharted), Dora the Explorer
Notable Draft Banter & Quotes
- Jason (on Indiana Jones): “Not only that, but he does it with charisma and style.” [40:14]
- Andy (on Bilbo): “He literally found the giant golden treasure in the Lonely Mountain.” [44:44]
- Mike (on Dora): “I got Boots. I got a sidekick monkey.” [49:14]
- Jason (on Jack Sparrow): “Captain Jack says, I got this. Hold my rum.” [52:01]
- Endless mockery of less-mainstream picks (“Robert Langdon, Attorney at Law,” luck-based treasure finding, or “what was that movie even about?”).
- Mike struggles choosing between Dora and Scrooge McDuck.
- Mike: “Between Dora and Scrooge, I was having a very difficult time…” [49:48]
- Clever nostalgia: DuckTales, National Treasure, Harry Potter, and more, with deep-cut jokes for franchise fans.
5. Pop Culture, Running Jokes & End-of-Episode Reflections
- Frequent callbacks to previous episodes, movie and character knowledge, and fatherly life advice the audience is warned to never take.
- Discussion of animation, children growing up, and whether Disney movies persist as essential viewing.
- Quick list of “honorable mentions” for treasure hunters not picked (Gandalf, Carmen Sandiego, Mulder of X-Files, etc.)
- Mike: “Are you diminishing the accomplishments of the Goonies?” [54:57]
- Banter on how style and luck factor into both fictional and real-life treasure hunts.
Highlights & Memorable Moments
- ASMR Meltdown: Mike’s visceral reaction to Jason’s ASMR “dripping into your soul”; the group’s deep dive into why those sounds are so disturbing.
- College Goldfish Story: Jason’s improv group fundraiser where a guy actually (unwisely) swallowed a live goldfish.
- Chris Hemsworth/Danny DeVito Debate: A hilarious conversation about which body/face/personality mix would be the best, capped by love for DeVito’s comedic genius.
- Andy’s “Potty Mouth”: The French ChatGPT joke leads to Andy unintentionally dropping a rare “bleep,” triggering laughter over breaking the show’s usually-clean tone. [34:06]
- French Language Faux Pas: “ChatGPT, pronounced with a French accent, means ‘cat, I have farted.’” [33:02]
- Draft Creativity: From Sherlock Holmes to Scrooge McDuck, the combinations are both logical and ridiculous, sparking plenty of audience-nostalgia and in-group teasing.
Notable Quotes
- Jason (on fighting crime with Batman): “One of these, you could end up—look, you might get to punch a Nazi in the face pretty good, right?” [12:43]
- Mike (on Danny DeVito): “He’s awesome and I get to be yoked. And funny.” [16:13]
- Andy (the scientist): “I’m just playing, like, cards with Josh… you go do this, I’m gonna help you from here.” [14:06]
- Jason (on Robert Langdon): “Langdon will walk right over Bilbo Baggins’ sleeping body to collect the answer.” [46:48]
Episode Structure Recap
- ASMR/Opening Antics ([01:33–03:39])
- Would You Rather:
- Gross food scenario
- Pop culture sidekicks/powers
- Celebrity body swap
- Surviving in wild places
- Liar, Liar:
- Three rounds of weird facts and lies, featuring animals, candy, governors, and the infamous French fart joke
- Draft:
- Building the best treasure hunter squad
- Bonus Banter & Pop Culture References
Final Thoughts
Even without the ads and podcast fluff, this episode packs a punch: gleeful gross-outs, deep pop culture nerdery, and rapid-fire comedic logic colliding on subjects like animal digestion, penguin suits vs. Hemsworth abs, and the unending worth of movie knowledge. Whether you just want to know if Sherlock or Batman finds the treasure, or if you tune in for Andy’s rare “potty mouth,” this episode lives up to its clean-yet-edgy, family-friendly comedy badge—with just enough mischief to keep the grownups snickering.
To Listen: SpitballersPod.com
Episode: Andy’s Potty Mouth & The Best Treasure Hunters
Date: February 16, 2026