Spitballers Comedy Podcast

Episode: Croc Talk & The Most Annoying Sounds – Spit Hits!

Air Date: February 19, 2026
Hosts: Andy, Mike & Jason

Episode Overview

In this episode, the Spitballers dive headfirst into a barrel of animal chaos and bizarre human behavior, anchored by their signature “would you rather” questions and an uproarious draft of the most annoying sounds in the world. Crocodiles, alligators, traffic, late arrivals, and animal scams are all up for comedic dissection as Andy, Mike, and Jason make the mundane hilarious and the ridiculous relatable.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Opening Banter: Donkey Dumps & Neighborhood Boonies

• The guys riff on outrageous things turning up in yards—specifically, an actual donkey dump in “Owl’s” front yard.
• Casual mockery about living “in the boonies,” where wild donkeys and, apparently, enormous piles of dung are part of daily life.
• [02:26] Andy: “They take huge dumps, too.”
• Lively debate on desert neighborhoods, outlet malls, and enduring local wildlife.

2. Would You Rather: No Sense of Time or Speed While Driving?

Main Dilemma:

• Would you rather, while driving, have no ability to know the current time or your current speed?
• The Spitballers weigh the pros and cons, admitting some dependence on clocks and obsessively checking ETAs.

Notable Quotes:

• [05:36] Jason: “If I had to guess it at all times, do you feel like you’d be within a few miles?”
• [05:39] Andy: “I’d be shocked if any of us who have driven for half our lives would not be within 5 on any of our guesses…”
• Discussion reveals a generational anxiety about lateness, with Andy venting about always being on the clock due to family obligations.

Relatable Dad Moments:

• Andy details a traumatic driving lesson with his son, complicated by his own digestive emergencies.
  • [07:17] Jason: “All because you couldn’t control your bowels.”

3. Lateness: Who’s to Blame?

• The trio commiserates on the never-ending guilt of being late—even when circumstances are beyond control; society still blames you.
• [13:01] Jason: “We all hold everyone accountable for being late. Is that wrong?”
• Example: A sports coach was just five minutes late, and parents were fuming, despite a valid freeway construction excuse.

4. Animal Mayhem: Alligator or Shark Bite?

Would You Rather:

• Non-lethal bite from an alligator or a shark?
• Immediate reactions: alligator sounds less terrifying at first, but the conversation quickly turns as they analyze bite strength, scar pattern, and even “coolness” of shark wounds.

Quotes:

• [15:05] Mike: “There’s one shark. I don’t care how connected they are in their animal kingdoms, we should have another name. There’s one shark.”
• [16:38] Jason: “It’s a cool pattern.” (on getting bitten by a shark for the scar)

Fun Facts & Myths:

• The group navigates folk wisdom and Wikipedia-level facts about alligator vs. crocodile jaw motion (spoiler: both jaws move).
• Saltwater crocodiles are dubbed modern-day dinosaurs.
  • [20:30] Andy: “They are dinosaurs. They’re humongous.”

5. Andy’s Ocean Woes: When Swimsuits Attack

• Andy recounts a harrowing beach day where new swim trunks + salty ocean water = unspeakable chafing in "both areas of private areas."
  • [22:11] Andy: “Both areas of private areas is how I would describe it.”
• Result: A painful, Vaseline-filled walk of shame and a lesson on the dangers lurking in comfy-looking swimwear.

6. Is This Real Life?

“Unbelievable, but true” news stories:

• A. Florida’s Unsubtle Drug Bag
  • Florida woman arrested for carrying drugs in a bag labeled “Definitely not a bag full of drugs.”
    • [32:09] Andy: “Was it drugs?”
• B. Insurance Fraud – By Bear Costume
  • Group caught submitting claims showing “bear damage” to luxury cars, but it turns out to be a person in a bear costume.
    • [34:18] Mike: “What’s going on with the bears?”
    • [35:36] Andy: “They found the bear costume.”
• C. "Bear Actors" in Zoos
  • Chinese zoo accused of hiring people to wear bear costumes and pose as animals for visitors.
    • [37:14] Jason: “Chinese zoo denies their bear is a guy in a bear suit.”
• D. The Dumpster Rescue
  • Phoenix garbage truck driver saves a woman found inside the truck after hearing her knocking—no explanation given for how she ended up there, with company “strongly discouraging” the practice.
    • [39:31] Jason: “The company strongly discourages people from doing so.”

7. Croc Talk Deep Dive

• The crew’s fascination with crocodilians reaches new heights with Google-fueled amazement:
  • Speed: Crocodiles can run faster than humans.
  • Abilities: Crocs can, in fact, climb trees—upending everything Andy thought he knew.
  • Adaptive Survival: Crocs “hibernate” in freezing water by sticking their nostrils into the ice, slowing their heart rate to 4 beats per minute.
    • [30:45] Jason: “Their heart rate slows to four beats a minute.”
• Notable Reactions:
  • [32:01] Mike: “Why can they climb? Monsters have superpowers.”
  • [66:35] Mike: “They do seem like an apex predator when you look at all the things that they can do.”

8. Spitballers Draft: Most Annoying Sounds

(Starts [41:58])
A classic, light-hearted Spitballers draft. Picks include:

• Jason #1: Nails on chalkboard – “It genuinely, like, causes people physical discomfort.”
• Mike: Modified car mufflers – “If you are one of those people, you’re bad. You’re a bad person.”
• Andy: Crying baby (public places/plane) – “You can have both empathy for that person and hate the sound.”
• Jason: Smoke detector chirp – Admits he once lived through a full year with it in his bedroom.
• Mike: Chewing (especially mouth open/gum smacking) – “It is the worst sound that can be made.”
• Jason: Car alarm – “Are we not evolving past the car alarm phase of our society?”
• Jason: Snoring (“All it takes is a nudge… but I can’t sleep during a snore. It’s impossible.”)
• Mike: Beginner violin – “It sounds like death. It sounds like a creature may be suffering.”
• Andy: Teeth on a fork – “It’s visceral. I’m not out there judging you. If it happens near me, my body knows it.”
• Andy: Alarm clock – “The PTSD that comes from an alarm clock…”
• Mike: Low-health beeping in video games – “I am aware I’m about to get my life back.”
• Jason: Microphone feedback – “If you’ve ever been around one where they really couldn’t get it under control… pretty intense.”

Honorable Mentions

• Mosquito buzzing in ear
• Dogs barking at night
• Styrofoam rubbing
• Fork on a plate
• Buzzing light bulbs
• Constant cougher

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Crocodiles:
  • [26:49] Jason: “Saltwater crocodiles are the largest living reptiles and could grow to 23ft long.”
• On Shame in Animal Escape:
  • [28:48] Mike: “There would be an amount of shame with it.” (being chased down by a crocodile)
• On Unlabeled Bear Costumes:
  • [35:50] Andy: “They actually found it in a bag that said, ‘this is definitely not a bear costume.’”

What Did We Learn Today? (Closing)

A Spitballers classic “what did we learn” segment, summing up the episode’s revelations:

• Crocodiles are even scarier than previously imagined (tree climbing, endurance, adaptability).
• Car alarms and other “safety” measures might just be making life worse.
• Most importantly: No one escapes the haunting annoyance of a smoke detector’s chirp, and everyone hates crying babies on airplanes.

Episode Highlights with Timestamps

• Donkey Dump/Neighborhood Banter: [02:23]
• Would You Rather (Speed vs. Time): [04:31]
• Late Arrivals & Accountability: [12:20]
• Alligator vs. Shark Bite: [14:23]
• Crocodile/Jaw Differences & Saltwater Crocs: [16:33] – [20:40], [26:46]
• Andy’s Swimsuit Fiasco: [22:23]
• Is This Real Life News: [31:24]
  • Florida Drug Bag: [31:33]
  • Bear Costume Fraud: [33:02]
  • Human Bears in Zoos: [36:38]
  • Dumpster Rescue: [37:46]
• Crocodile Superpowers/Croc Climbing Trees: [29:32]
• Spitballers Draft – Most Annoying Sounds: [41:56] – [66:21]
• What Did We Learn: [66:29]

Final Thoughts

A laughter-packed episode mixing savage animal trivia, dad anxieties, and observational comedy about the world’s most irritating sounds. Crocodiles could outmatch us in every way, but we’re still undone by a plastic smoke detector or an out-of-tune violin. If you need to laugh at life’s absurdities, this episode is a must.