Spitballers Comedy Podcast

Episode: Gruncles & Doctors That Aren’t Doctors - Spit Hits!
Date: January 29, 2026
Hosts: Andy, Mike, Jason

Episode Overview

In this episode, the award-winning dad-trio of Andy, Mike, and Jason return for an uproarious installment built around the theme of “Doctors that Aren’t Doctors.” They dive headfirst into why we call people “doctor” when they’re not medical doctors, share personal anecdotes (including tales of the elusive “Grunkle”), riff on kitchen appliances, and debate some characteristically silly “Would You Rather” questions. The show crescendos with a draft of their favorite non-doctor “doctors”—real and fictional.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Show Cold Open & Studio Banter

• The crew jokes about breakfast sandwiches and the freezing studio temperature, leading Andy to exclaim, "It is negative 1,000 degrees in the studio right now." (01:49)
• Jason dodges his turn to perform the show's signature “scat,” blaming confusion among the hosts—a recurring bit of show chaos.

2. Doctors: The Title Conundrum

• Main topic: Why are some “doctors” not doctors? (e.g., Dr. Phil, Dr. Dre, Dr. Seuss)
• The guys hash out distinctions:
  • Doctorate vs. Doctor: PhDs, psychologists, interior designers, philosophers, and more.
  • Medical doctors (MDs) versus those with other doctorates.
• Quote:
  "So, I mean, that is so much dissertation." – Mike (04:01)
• Jason and Andy argue that our language is confusing, with "doctor" used for both medical and non-medical professions.
• Mike proposes: “Doctor is an occupation. You’re not changing that. The other people are doctorates.” (05:30)
• The trio brainstorms alternative prestige titles, with “Headmaster” winning out for Harry Potter vibes. (06:20)

3. "Would You Rather" — Bodily Mishaps Edition

Segments:

• [07:02] Would you rather your brain release an audible smelly fart every time you have a “brain fart” or actually get punched in the gut whenever you get an “emotional gut punch”?
  • The guys delve into literal interpretations of “brain fart” mechanism—farting through ears, nose, pores, etc.
  • Classic hypothetical debate about frequency: How often do you have brain farts vs. gut punches?
  • Quote:
    "When’s the last time you had the wind knocked out of you?" – Andy (09:03)
  • Consensus: Gut punches are rare and brutal; most would take the gut punch over constant farting.
• [11:42] Would you rather never be able to use a microwave again or never be able to use a kitchen sink?
  • Andy tells a “Grunkle” story: His great uncle has never owned a microwave. (12:04)
  • Discussion of air fryers, microwave dinners, and food culture.
  • Memorable tangent: On the rise of air fryers: "I reheat all of my leftovers exclusively in this bad dog." – Mike (16:46)

4. Would You Rather: Luxury Transport Showdown

Segment: [17:42]

• Personal chauffeur at all times, private jet (one trip per month), or private yacht (six weekends/year).
• Heated debate on the risk and hassle of yachts (“The water wants to eat us!” – Andy, 18:24), the infrequency of boat use, and the advantages of a chauffeur versus a jet.
• Quote:
  “If you go overseas, they have to pull up a second jet next to you and you walk over to it to swap to the full one.” – Andy (22:07)

5. Life Advice: Absurd Solutions for Everyday Dilemmas

Parking Meter Woes ([27:32])

• Landon’s parking meter broke for months; now it’s fixed and he’s ticketed—should he argue precedent?
• Hosts agree: “You stole for a long time. Don’t cry because it’s gone…laugh because you got to enjoy it.” – Andy (29:19)
• Notable exchange:
  Josh: “Historical precedent would be like, I show up and I’m like, I got away with 30 murders." (28:41)

Parking Meters & Speed Cameras ([30:11])

• Tangent on the fairness and technology of parking meters, speed cameras, and traffic enforcement.
• Josh rails against inconsistencies: “Why are [speed cameras] not allowed? That should be totally allowed.” (31:51)

Wind Chime Dilemma ([35:18])

• Kelly's neighbor's wind chimes keep her awake: How to get rid of it without confrontation?
• The guys suggest various schemes: break it, glue it, or outdo it with more wind chimes.
• Quote:
  "Spray glue makes a lot of sense to me." – Josh (37:25)
• Andy polls the table: Are you wind chime people? Mildly shocked most actually like them.

Intersection Takeovers ([40:12])

• Discussion on viral trend: groups spinning donuts in intersections, leading to cities grooving streets to prevent it.
• Quote:
  “This is why we can’t have nice things. Why do people suck?” – Mike (41:00)

6. The “Doctors Who Aren’t Doctors” Draft ([43:40])

Premise: Draft the best “doctor” in pop culture/real life who isn’t an actual medical doctor.

Notable Picks & Banter

• Dr. Dre (Josh, 1.01): “Everybody forgot about Dre. And he’s doing all right for himself now.”
• Dr. Seuss (Andy): “That is the quote.” (Referencing “Don’t cry because it’s over…”)
• Doc Brown (Back to the Future) (Mike): “He’s not doing medicine. He’s doing time travel.” (45:43)
• Dr. Evil (Mike): “He puts the pinky up. It’s Dr. Evil, baby.” (46:28)
• Dr. Pepper (Andy): The guys riff on Dr. Pepper fandom and hot Dr. Pepper weirdos. (47:05)
• Dr. J (Julius Erving) (Josh): “I’m going to posterize.” (51:01)
• Dr. Dolittle (Josh)
• Doc Holliday (Andy): “OK Corral. Doc Holliday, baby.” (53:15)
• Dr. Mario (Mike): “What was that all about, Nintendo? We got this plumber…also, he’s a doctor?” (54:26)
• Dr. Claw (Inspector Gadget) (Mike): “I’ll get you next time. Dr. Claw.” (55:07)
• Doc Gooden (Andy): “Famous pitcher of the New York Mets.” (55:44)
• Dr. Otto Scratchansniff (Animaniacs) (Josh): “Animaniacs was sensational.” (57:25)
• Honorable mentions: Dr. Who, Dr. Robotnik, Dr. Doofenshmirtz, Dr. Frankenstein, Dr. Doom, Dr. Scholl’s.

On the rules:
Debate ensues about whether someone qualifies if they held a doctorate but no longer practice—e.g., Dr. Strange, who “is not taking any new clients.”

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Doctor Titles:
  "If you go through all of the schooling to get your doctorate, like, yeah, I'm fine with it. You have earned yourself a title." – Mike (03:54)

• On Boat Sizes:
  “I've got bad news for you guys… The classes are: Class A, Class 1, Class 2… Get out of here. Call it a sedan or something.” – Josh (23:04)

• On the “Would You Rather” Gut Punch:
  "I'm taking the gut punch. That's probably once every three years." – Andy (09:49)

• Microsphincters:
  "Oh, it'd be real high-pitched, those are tiny little sphincters." – Mike (08:44)

Important Timestamps

• Banter & Studio Cold: 01:00–02:12
• Discussion of Doctor Titles: 02:54–05:45
• "Would You Rather" (Brain Farts / Gut Punch): 06:53–10:40
• Microwave vs Kitchen Sink Debate: 11:42–16:33
• Luxury Transport Would You Rather: 17:42–24:57
• Life Advice (Parking Meters, Speed Cameras): 27:32–34:38
• Wind Chime Neighbor Dilemma: 35:18–39:04
• Intersection Takeovers: 40:12–41:46
• Doctors Who Aren’t Doctors Draft: 43:40–59:12

Wrap-Up & Recap

• The episode closes with a reflection on what they learned—including how little Andy claims to know about drafting and a renewed call to clean up the language around doctorates.
• Quote:
  “I learned so much about how little I know about how to draft.” – Andy (59:27)
  “And I learned we need to fix the doctorate versus doctor issue.” – Mike (59:36)

Tone & Vibe

• Playful and irreverent, loaded with dad-jokes, side tangents, and affectionate ribbing.
• An all-ages clean show with mischievous hypotheticals and rapid-fire pop culture references.
• The hosts’ camaraderie and improvisational riffs keep the energy high and listener-friendly.

For more clean, award-winning comedy and possibly more tales about Grunkles and wind chime warfare, visit spitballerspod.com.