Spitballers Comedy Podcast

Episode: "Jason Storms Out & Best Parts of Being an Adult"

Release Date: February 2, 2026
Hosts: Andy, Mike, Jason

Overview

This episode sees the award-winning dad trio of Andy, Mike, and Jason riffing on the honest reality (highs and lows) of adulthood. With their signature blend of goofy improv and rapid-fire banter, the group drafts the best parts of being an adult, debates the deep questions of daily life (from spotted spiders to the sacred cable drawer), and tackles the Liar, Liar game with wild conviction and endless laughter. Prepare for nostalgia, camaraderie, and some brutal truths about both growing up—and being way too excited about old-man things.

Key Discussion Points & Segments

Opening Banter: Arcade Nostalgia, Scat Debts, and Dig Dug

• Classic Cold Open: The trio jumps right into a mock "scat singing" debt-payoff bit (01:07), with Andy joking:
  “It takes a long time to pay back a scat.”
• Dig Dug Arcade Deep Cut: Andy laments that Jason and Mike never played the classic arcade game Dig Dug (02:10). Jason claims he missed out due to a childhood spent playing basketball instead.
• Aging Out of Dreams (Humorously):
  “One of the best things about being an adult is not that you didn’t live up to all your dreams. That one won’t get drafted.” – Mike (03:23)

Main Theme Introduction:

Best Parts of Being an Adult (04:00 - 06:30)

• Struggling for Answers: The group admits drafting the “best parts” is much harder than the worst. Jason:
  “Truly. You waited your whole growing up to be an adult... Listen to me, kids: You have it so good.” (04:03)
• Crowdsourcing Life: Jason attempts to crowdsource adult joys from Twitter and is met with responses like "nothing" and "paying a $773 gas bill." (05:45)
• The Reality of “Freedom”:
  “When you are young, what you dream of is freedom. And when you get old, you realize you do not have it.” – Jason (06:59)

Would You Rather: Arachnid and Reptile Edition (06:56 - 21:00)

• The Great Spider Dilemma: Would you rather (a) see a spider in your room and lose track of it before sleep, or (b) wake up to footage of a spider crawling across your face?

  • Major laughs as the guys recall personal stories:
    • Andy: “Sheets are up, I’m snug. Snuggle down. You are in it. For you, that means eye mask, red light, mouth tape . . . hostage tape, yes.”
    • Jason, on actual experience: “I closed my eyes and pretended it wasn’t there.” (12:22)

• Spider vs. Snake Paranoia:

  • The debate morphs into imagining a rattlesnake suspended above the bed.
  • Andy quips: “Do you know that babies use rattles to go to sleep?” (15:12)
  • Jason admits he’d rather have the spider.
  • Tangents about snakes in gardens and “snake powder.”

• Animals in Cars:

  • Mike: “Spider in the car sucks.” The group hilariously debates what’s worse—a bee, bird, or spider in your vehicle.

• Rabbits vs. Snakes:

  • Unexpected turn as Andy tries to defend rabbits, but Twitter immediately disagrees.
  • “Rabbits rule.” – Andy (19:13)
  • “Rabbits are little monsters. They’re cute monsters.” – Jason (19:42)

• Kids’ Menu Restaurant Fantasy:

  • “I would hire [an 8-year-old to pick my meals] if I could have an 8-year-old as my chef.” – Jason (21:07)
  • The gang dreams up a real “Kids Menu” restaurant concept, riffing on dinners of chicken nuggets, mac & cheese, and desserts.

• Cereal Wars:

  • Discussion devolves into what cereals are allowed in their homes. Jason sarcastically describes his children as “Grape nut freaks.” (23:07)

• Pineapple Consequences:

  • Would you rather give up pineapple or eat a whole pineapple every other day? Group bemoans the “razor blades” inside pineapple.
  • “Delicious razor blades.” – Mike (25:51)

[Liar, Liar Game] (30:45 - 45:14)

A recurring favorite: two truths and a lie, with all three locked in ridiculous confidence.

Notable Memorable Moments & Quotes:

• On Walmart Hiring vs. Harvard Acceptance:
  • "If that's true, it's still a lie." - Andy (32:36)
• Platypus Absurdity:
  • “If you told me the platypus is the only mammal that’s not a mammal, I’d be like, that’s probably true.” – Andy (35:11)
• Formication Vocabulary:
  • “The sensation of bugs or insects crawling on or under your skin is called ‘formication.’” – Liar Liar round prompt (38:25).
  • Mike: “Those bugs are formicators.” (38:30)
• Unlikely Inventions:
  • The supposed origins of the microwave, Post-it notes, and (fictitious) “paper shredder invented by a cop after witnessing a suspect destroying evidence.”
  • Andy: “Maybe that's urinal cakes.” (43:10)
  • "I always confuse Post-it Notes and urinal cakes." – Jason (43:22)
• Jason's Poker Face:
  • “You basically told me that you were gaming that.” – Jason, to Jeremy, after realizing he tipped his hand in the game (48:44)

Spitballers Draft: Best Parts of Being an Adult (49:26 - 62:18)

Notable Draft Picks & Discussion:

• Jason #1: Naps

  “Dude, it was awesome. It was outstanding. It was so good.” (50:10)

• Andy: No bedtime
• Mike:
  • "Eat what I want, when I want."
  • “Complaining about young people”—specifically loving to say, “In my day…” (53:32)
• Andy: Privacy

  “Your life is not your own when you’re a kid.” (54:11)

• Jason:
  • Buying whatever you want—bad financial decisions included
  • “Making your kids do the work you don’t want to do.” (56:10)
• Andy: Picking your own friends (57:12)

  “Because when you’re growing up, sometimes you just get stuck with...who was on your street, who was in your class.” (56:59)

• Mike: Old man strength, and the weird pride of a giant drawer of old cables

  “Guys, I got a drawer full of old cables…Whatever cord you need, your boy’s got it.” (59:10, 59:44)

• Jason: Going out and sitting at the bar—alone

  “Solo trip to the bar. Favorite part of being an adult…Silence. Being alone.” (61:50)

Honorable Mentions

• Adjusting the thermostat
• Financial independence
• Skipping things by claiming "I'm busy"
• Fresh bottle of ibuprofen ("adult's favorite thing," per Mike, 62:47)
• Blaming age for problems

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Jason (on adulthood):
  “The truth is, if you want to have a good time as an adult, you’re a bad person.” (07:31)
• Andy (re: rabbits):
  “I’m putting a poll up. Do rabbits rule?” (19:15)
• Mike (on cable drawers):
  “Because I have the confidence that no matter what cord needs come up, it’s done.” (59:53)
• Jason (on solo time):
  “What would your dream evening look like? Silence. Being alone.” (62:11)

Important Timestamps

• 01:07: Scat singing and scat-payback running joke
• 04:00 - 06:30: Introduction and admission that it’s hard to say what’s great about adulthood
• 06:56 - 21:00: Would You Rather—spider and animal phobia shenanigans, plus food talk
• 23:00 - 25:52: “Kids’ menu” restaurant concept & pineapple debate
• 30:45 - 45:14: Liar, Liar game—wild trivia, word origins, and paper shredder humor
• 49:26 - 62:18: Draft: Best parts of being an adult, with detours into cable drawers and bathroom break mishaps
• 61:50: Jason’s closing pick: alone time/bar time
• 62:47: Mike’s heartfelt love for a fresh bottle of ibuprofen

Episode Tone

The episode is standard Spitballers: rapid-fire, self-aware, and playfully irreverent. The hosts lean into “dad energy,” riffing on generational quirks, complaining about adulthood, and exaggerating both the perks and pains for maximum comic effect. There's an undercurrent of nostalgia and camaraderie, cut through with absurd hypotheticals and self-deprecating one-liners.

Summary for New Listeners

If you haven’t heard the Spitballers before, this episode is a prime example of their offbeat, clean-parent humor. It’s a raucous, relatable look at growing up—where the biggest perks might just be naps, the cable drawer, and being able to complain about younger people. With games, “would you rather” debates, and ridiculous draft picks, the laughs never stop…and neither does the light-hearted roasting between these three friends.

Explore more at: SpitballersPod.com