Podcast Summary: Squeezed with Yvette Nicole Brown

Episode: "Alzheimer’s Changes Everything" (September 18, 2024)

Episode Overview

This episode of Squeezed centers on Jessica, a 36-year-old caregiver who has devoted the past decade to caring for her mother, Constance (affectionately called CG), who is now living with late-stage Alzheimer’s. Hosted by Yvette Nicole Brown—herself a longtime caregiver—the conversation explores the deeply personal, financial, and emotional realities of young caregivers. The episode delves into the sacrifices, identity shifts, and unique challenges Jessica faces as a young Black woman navigating caregiving, with special attention to the theme of finding connection, support, and purpose in the most trying of circumstances.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. The Heart of Caregiving: Jessica and CG’s Story

• The episode opens with a touching archived recording of Jessica and her mother singing gospel together—capturing both the closeness of their bond and the profound loss as CG has become nonverbal due to Alzheimer’s. (00:07)
• Jessica started her caregiving journey in her 20s, completely shifting her life plans, career, and finances to put her mother’s needs first. (01:45)
• Host Yvette draws a parallel between her own experience and Jessica's but highlights, “I became a caregiver in my 40s. You became a full-time caregiver in your 20s. That’s different.” (15:21)

2. Early Signs and Diagnosis

• Jessica recounts the first signs something was wrong: loss of routine, repetition, misplacement of items, and a serious car accident. (08:45)
• “I went straight into, well, let's make a plan. I went straight into labeling cabinets... giving her list of things to do to stay busy. There was no time in my mind to be sad... it was a confirmation. Cool. I only know about this from Grey’s Anatomy, but I do know this is going to get bad.” (09:32)

3. Long-Distance Caregiving and Unsustainable Sacrifice

• For years, Jessica balanced a full-time teaching job in Dallas with caring for her mom in Virginia, traveling cross-country every two weeks, meal prepping, and managing bills. (10:25)
• “I don’t even know how I focused on work, because my head was always here in Virginia.” (10:25)

4. The Tipping Point: Moving Home

• As CG’s condition worsened, hired help and remote management were no longer enough. Jessica describes her fear of public perception, particularly after learning her mom appeared disheveled at church. (14:15)
• “A lady called me from church. She said, ‘We’re concerned about your mom. She kind of smelled.’ And I was like, that’s it, that's it... My biggest fear was other people talking about my mom... That was like, the trigger for me.” (14:15)

5. The Emotional Costs and Rewards of Caregiving

• Jessica openly discusses feelings of resentment and loss when she chose to leave her career and life in Dallas, and the eventual gratitude she felt for being present with her mother in ways she never had before. (15:55)
• “It only took me being home for four to six months to realize that it was the best choice I could have ever made... I saw her as Constance and not as her disease.” (15:55)
• “There were moments when I was resentful. I was like, I didn’t choose this. Like, I was angry. But then you come home and you see someone who is so genuine and loving and full of joy. And you’re like, you can’t be mad at that, you know?” (16:25)

6. The Financial Toll

• Jessica details spending $4,000–$6,000 per month on care, accruing significant debt—a reflection of the burden many caregivers face, with the average caregiver spending 30% of their income on care costs. (19:03)
• Unable to qualify for Medicaid until her savings were spent, she couldn’t afford a long-term care facility, illustrating systemic gaps in support for family caregivers. (20:00)

7. A Day in the Life / The Reality of Late-Stage Alzheimer’s

• The podcast includes live audio of Jessica’s gentle, practical, and loving morning routine with CG, underscoring the physical demands: “I think people often think like, oh, well, she’s in the bed, things must be easier. And it’s actually like, no, because she can’t do anything. And so her hydration, her, like, nourishment... is all dependent on me.” (22:55)

8. Isolation and Finding Support

• Jessica discusses the loneliness of caregiving, especially in the early years, and the unexpected absence of family support: “Family was probably the most disappointing part of this journey... Nowhere to be found.” (24:06)
• Social media becomes a critical coping mechanism and connection point, where she finds solidarity with other caregivers around the world, providing both support and a way to ask for help. (24:29)
• “No one shows up for you like another caregiver.” (25:07)

9. Preserving CG’s Dignity and Spirit

• Jessica describes her conscious effort to help her mother thrive and remain visible despite her illness—organizing vibrant birthday celebrations and ensuring she’s treated with dignity. (26:10)
• “It starts with the stories that I tell about her. The ways in which I talk to her and around her is still uplifting and filled with life and affirmation.” (26:10)

10. Lessons and Takeaways

• Both Yvette and Jessica reflect on the importance of “just showing up” and the grace in accepting that some days simply being there is enough. (27:03)
• The episode closes with another affectionate exchange between Jessica and CG, singing “Goodnight Sweetheart,” exemplifying both the heartache and the enduring love in their journey. (28:12)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “People may think that these notes are gonna be groundbreaking. They’re really mundane. It’s things like ‘You’re home and you’re safe.’”
  — Yvette Nicole Brown (05:14)
• “My mom was the epitome: love and light and brilliance and taking up space in rooms.”
  — Jessica (06:02)
• “Do I wish I had a partner? Yes. And at the same time, this is a season. It’s not forever... the biggest thing that we don’t talk about enough is just the financial hit that I took.”
  — Jessica (18:30)
• “No one shows up for you like another caregiver.”
  — Jessica (25:07)
• “It starts with the stories I tell about her... so all of those moments, she feels and she knows that she’s deeply loved. That’s what matters most.”
  — Jessica (26:10)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 0:07 – Jessica and CG sing gospel together
• 1:45–3:09 – Jessica’s caregiving journey begins and is introduced by Yvette
• 8:45 – Early signs of Alzheimer’s and diagnosis
• 10:25 – Balancing long-distance caregiving and a full-time job
• 14:15 – The turning point: community concern and Jessica’s decision to move home
• 15:21 – Host Yvette on the difference caregiving age makes
• 19:03 – The financial toll of caregiving
• 22:55 – Daily realities of late-stage Alzheimer’s and physical caregiving
• 24:06–25:07 – Family support disappointments and the importance of community care
• 26:10 – Maintaining CG’s dignity and joy
• 28:12 – Closing song and final exchanges between Jessica and CG

Tone & Language

The episode is honest, empathetic, at times somber, but always filled with warmth and resilience. Both Yvette and Jessica speak with candor, humor, and a spirit of solidarity, making the experience accessible and deeply human for listeners.

Conclusion

“Alzheimer’s Changes Everything” offers an intimate, unfiltered look at the challenges and rewards of family caregiving, especially for younger caregivers facing unique pressures. Jessica’s story is a testament to perseverance, love, and the power of community—both online and off—to help caregivers feel seen, supported, and less alone.

Key Resource Mentioned:
The Alzheimer’s Association 24/7 Helpline: 800-272-3900 (11:31).

Endnote:
Listeners are reminded that sometimes, just showing up really is enough and are inspired by Jessica’s unwavering devotion:

“Get some rest, my dear... I’ll see you in the morning.”
— Jessica & CG (29:02–29:05)