Squeezed with Yvette Nicole Brown – Episode Summary
Podcast: Squeezed (Lemonada Media)
Episode Title: Co-Parenting Tween Triplets in NYC
Release Date: August 28, 2024
Host: Yvette Nicole Brown
Main Guests: Matt (co-parent of 11-year-old triplets) and his children

Episode Overview

This episode of Squeezed provides an intimate look into the daily routines, financial challenges, and emotional dynamics of co-parenting 11-year-old triplets in New York City. Host Yvette Nicole Brown spends the day with Matt, a British expat and single gay dad, as he juggles early mornings, career demands, the realities of high childcare costs, and the joys and trials of raising three unique and rapidly changing tweens. The discussion spotlights the universality of caregiving exhaustion, the importance of community, and the particular complexities faced by LGBTQ+ families and expats far from their support networks.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Morning Routine and Family Introductions

• Setting: The episode opens inside Matt’s Manhattan apartment overlooking the Hudson (00:22).
• Matt and Yvette describe the chaotic but affectionate morning rush as Matt prepares three kids for school, makes breakfast (burnt pancakes included), checks homework, and hustles the youngest to early band practice (01:18–03:07).
• Quip: “You've got your bits together. Have you finished that homework that I just learned about last night?” – Matt (01:30)
• Speed-walking is essential: “It's imperative as a New Yorker. You gotta walk fast.” – Matt (02:49)

2. Meet the Triplets: Personalities and Space

• Room Tour: The youngest triplet (they/them) introduces their shared bedroom—triple bunk bed, musical instruments, personal desks reflecting different interests (05:08–06:56).
• Different personalities: The oldest is into beauty and caretaking, the middle triplet is analytical and law-minded, the youngest is a philosophical free spirit (07:23–08:15).
• “The youngest is very much a sort of free spirit... Reads things about like the meaning of life events... quite heavy stuff for an 11 year old.” – Matt (07:59)

3. Identity and Gender

• The youngest triplet has been using they/them pronouns since fifth grade and the family is supportive but honest about the learning curve (08:25).
• “From the get go, they were all, you know, asserting their own identities and personalities. And so that's been riveting to watch.” – Matt (08:38)

4. Co-Parenting Dynamic and Personal History

• Matt and his ex-husband co-parent and live a few blocks apart, occasionally having family dinners (09:02).
• Matt recounts moving to New York as a single gay man, meeting his ex at an East Village bar, both wanting kids, and pursuing surrogacy (09:36–10:35).
• Revelation: Discovering they were expecting triplets was a shock:
  “I just sort of walked around Manhattan with my head in my hands going, holy cow, how have I gone from zero to three? … there was also, like, I hadn't planned all three.” (11:25)

5. Finances and the High Cost of Childcare in NYC

• Matt explains the staggering costs: $6,000/month for daycare (three kids) with no discount, $72,000/year at one point (14:23–14:39).
• Supplemental costs: private school tuition “more than Harvard” for a year for one child, rising grocery bills, divorce expenses (14:55–15:26).
• Childcare crisis context: “Child care costs are insane.” – Matt (14:23), with Yvette noting this challenge affects families nationwide.

6. Work-Life Balance, Career Sacrifices, and Privilege

• Matt transitioned to freelance consulting to prioritize parenting:
  “If I'd stayed in that role, I would never have seen the kids ... it meant that I could be with the children ... I've been really lucky to be there and really present during this part of their life.” – Matt (16:09)
• The risk was significant and only possible due to a certain amount of financial security and flexibility.
• Yvette discusses her own similar decision to care for her father with dementia (16:53).
• Exploring Matt’s emotional turmoil in making the choice: “I think I still have nightmares over that period. Like, it was so many competing influences and forces and so many strong emotions.” – Matt (17:22)

7. The Importance of Community and Chosen Family

• Expatriate reality: Matt's biological family is in London, visits are rare, especially post-pandemic (22:14–22:25).
• New York “village”: Playgrounds and parent groups (especially the gay dad community) are essential for support (20:45–21:30).
• “You create these great bonds down there and you... share all these sort of rites of passages … That was the big unlock in terms of like, finding my community here in New York.” – Matt (20:47)
• Yvette and Matt discuss the necessity (and difficulty) of letting friends help, especially around issues where two dads must navigate puberty and teen girlhood (23:13–23:59).

8. Challenges and Emotional Reflections

• Matt is open about the loneliness and longing for his kids’ connection to his UK family: “I felt a long, long way from home at that point ... that felt like 3 million miles away.” – Matt (22:25)
• Daily teenage drama: door slamming, hormones, and new parenting territory (“Bra shopping... that was a new one for me.” – Matt, 23:53).

9. Gratitude and Forward-Looking Hope

• Despite hardships, Matt stresses the importance of being a supportive, loving parent:
  “If they feel supported and loved and me and their other dad are behind them, and that's enough for me. That's success.” – Matt (24:50)
• Yvette affirms the improvisational, resilient spirit Matt has modeled: “I love that you're bobbing and weaving with grace as life has changed...” (24:20)
• The episode closes with an impromptu saxophone jam from the youngest triplet (26:08–26:39).

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments with Timestamps

• “It's imperative as a New Yorker. You gotta walk fast.” – Matt (02:49)
• “We're in that fun pre adolescent stage, Yvette.” – Matt (07:23)
• “From the get go, they were all asserting their own identities … and so that's been riveting to watch.” – Matt (08:38)
• “I never thought I would be raising three children in Manhattan by myself. That was never in the life plan.” – Matt (17:22)
• “You create these great bonds down there ... That was the big unlock in terms of like, finding my community here in New York.” – Matt (20:47)
• “I felt a long, long way from home at that point ... that felt like 3 million miles away.” – Matt (22:25)
• “Bra shopping, Yvette. That was a new one for me.” – Matt (23:53)
• “If they feel supported and loved and me and their other dad are behind them, and that's enough for me. That's success.” – Matt (24:50)

Key Segment Timestamps

• 00:22–04:15 - Morning rush, getting kids to school
• 05:08–08:15 - Kids’ shared room tour and personalities
• 08:25–09:02 - Identity, gender journeys
• 09:36–11:34 - Matt’s NYC origin story, meeting ex-husband, surrogacy triplets surprise
• 14:23–15:26 - Childcare and education costs breakdown
• 16:09–17:22 - Transitioning career for parenting, work-life balance
• 20:45–22:14 - Community, playground parenting, chosen family
• 22:25–23:59 - Homesickness and leaning on friends; unique LGBTQ+ parenting challenges
• 24:50–end - Gratitude, hopes for the future, closing saxophone moment

Tone

The episode maintains a warm, candid, sometimes humorous tone. Yvette’s empathy and Matt’s British wit and vulnerability create a space equally open for laughter and honest admissions about struggle, exhaustion, and love. The children’s voices and personalities provide brightness and authenticity, and the episode is punctuated by the real sights and sounds of family life.

Final Reflection

This episode is a poignant, relatable exploration of what it means to be “squeezed” by caregiving demands—not just financially, but emotionally and socially. Listeners come away with a deeper appreciation of the invisible labor, improvisation, and community required to raise children, especially in challenging contexts. Matt’s story is both unique (co-parenting triplets as a gay dad far from home) and universal in its blend of exhaustion, vulnerability, love, and hope.