Co-Parenting Tween Triplets in NYC

Summary

Squeezed with Yvette Nicole Brown – Episode Summary
Podcast: Squeezed (Lemonada Media)
Episode Title: Co-Parenting Tween Triplets in NYC
Release Date: August 28, 2024
Host: Yvette Nicole Brown
Main Guests: Matt (co-parent of 11-year-old triplets) and his children

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Episode Overview

This episode of Squeezed provides an intimate look into the daily routines, financial challenges, and emotional dynamics of co-parenting 11-year-old triplets in New York City. Host Yvette Nicole Brown spends the day with Matt, a British expat and single gay dad, as he juggles early mornings, career demands, the realities of high childcare costs, and the joys and trials of raising three unique and rapidly changing tweens. The discussion spotlights the universality of caregiving exhaustion, the importance of community, and the particular complexities faced by LGBTQ+ families and expats far from their support networks.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Morning Routine and Family Introductions

• Setting: The episode opens inside Matt’s Manhattan apartment overlooking the Hudson (00:22).
• Matt and Yvette describe the chaotic but affectionate morning rush as Matt prepares three kids for school, makes breakfast (burnt pancakes included), checks homework, and hustles the youngest to early band practice (01:18–03:07).
• Quip: “You've got your bits together. Have you finished that homework that I just learned about last night?” – Matt (01:30)
• Speed-walking is essential: “It's imperative as a New Yorker. You gotta walk fast.” – Matt (02:49)

2. Meet the Triplets: Personalities and Space

• Room Tour: The youngest triplet (they/them) introduces their shared bedroom—triple bunk bed, musical instruments, personal desks reflecting different interests (05:08–06:56).
• Different personalities: The oldest is into beauty and caretaking, the middle triplet is analytical and law-minded, the youngest is a philosophical free spirit (07:23–08:15).
• “The youngest is very much a sort of free spirit... Reads things about like the meaning of life events... quite heavy stuff for an 11 year old.” – Matt (07:59)

3. Identity and Gender

• The youngest triplet has been using they/them pronouns since fifth grade and the family is supportive but honest about the learning curve (08:25).
• “From the get go, they were all, you know, asserting their own identities and personalities. And so that's been riveting to watch.” – Matt (08:38)

4. Co-Parenting Dynamic and Personal History

• Matt and his ex-husband co-parent and live a few blocks apart, occasionally having family dinners (09:02).
• Matt recounts moving to New York as a single gay man, meeting his ex at an East Village bar, both wanting kids, and pursuing surrogacy (09:36–10:35).
• Revelation: Discovering they were expecting triplets was a shock:
  “I just sort of walked around Manhattan with my head in my hands going, holy cow, how have I gone from zero to three? … there was also, like, I hadn't planned all three.” (11:25)

5. Finances and the High Cost of Childcare in NYC

• Matt explains the staggering costs: $6,000/month for daycare (three kids) with no discount, $72,000/year at one point (14:23–14:39).
• Supplemental costs: private school tuition “more than Harvard” for a year for one child, rising grocery bills, divorce expenses (14:55–15:26).
• Childcare crisis context: “Child care costs are insane.” – Matt (14:23), with Yvette noting this challenge affects families nationwide.

6. Work-Life Balance, Career Sacrifices, and Privilege

• Matt transitioned to freelance consulting to prioritize parenting:
  “If I'd stayed in that role, I would never have seen the kids ... it meant that I could be with the children ... I've been really lucky to be there and really present during this part of their life.” – Matt (16:09)
• The risk was significant and only possible due to a certain amount of financial security and flexibility.
• Yvette discusses her own similar decision to care for her father with dementia (16:53).
• Exploring Matt’s emotional turmoil in making the choice: “I think I still have nightmares over that period. Like, it was so many competing influences and forces and so many strong emotions.” – Matt (17:22)

7. The Importance of Community and Chosen Family

• Expatriate reality: Matt's biological family is in London, visits are rare, especially post-pandemic (22:14–22:25).
• New York “village”: Playgrounds and parent groups (especially the gay dad community) are essential for support (20:45–21:30).
• “You create these great bonds down there and you... share all these sort of rites of passages … That was the big unlock in terms of like, finding my community here in New York.” – Matt (20:47)
• Yvette and Matt discuss the necessity (and difficulty) of letting friends help, especially around issues where two dads must navigate puberty and teen girlhood (23:13–23:59).

8. Challenges and Emotional Reflections

• Matt is open about the loneliness and longing for his kids’ connection to his UK family: “I felt a long, long way from home at that point ... that felt like 3 million miles away.” – Matt (22:25)
• Daily teenage drama: door slamming, hormones, and new parenting territory (“Bra shopping... that was a new one for me.” – Matt, 23:53).

9. Gratitude and Forward-Looking Hope

• Despite hardships, Matt stresses the importance of being a supportive, loving parent:
  “If they feel supported and loved and me and their other dad are behind them, and that's enough for me. That's success.” – Matt (24:50)
• Yvette affirms the improvisational, resilient spirit Matt has modeled: “I love that you're bobbing and weaving with grace as life has changed...” (24:20)
• The episode closes with an impromptu saxophone jam from the youngest triplet (26:08–26:39).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments with Timestamps

• “It's imperative as a New Yorker. You gotta walk fast.” – Matt (02:49)
• “We're in that fun pre adolescent stage, Yvette.” – Matt (07:23)
• “From the get go, they were all asserting their own identities … and so that's been riveting to watch.” – Matt (08:38)
• “I never thought I would be raising three children in Manhattan by myself. That was never in the life plan.” – Matt (17:22)
• “You create these great bonds down there ... That was the big unlock in terms of like, finding my community here in New York.” – Matt (20:47)
• “I felt a long, long way from home at that point ... that felt like 3 million miles away.” – Matt (22:25)
• “Bra shopping, Yvette. That was a new one for me.” – Matt (23:53)
• “If they feel supported and loved and me and their other dad are behind them, and that's enough for me. That's success.” – Matt (24:50)

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Key Segment Timestamps

• 00:22–04:15 - Morning rush, getting kids to school
• 05:08–08:15 - Kids’ shared room tour and personalities
• 08:25–09:02 - Identity, gender journeys
• 09:36–11:34 - Matt’s NYC origin story, meeting ex-husband, surrogacy triplets surprise
• 14:23–15:26 - Childcare and education costs breakdown
• 16:09–17:22 - Transitioning career for parenting, work-life balance
• 20:45–22:14 - Community, playground parenting, chosen family
• 22:25–23:59 - Homesickness and leaning on friends; unique LGBTQ+ parenting challenges
• 24:50–end - Gratitude, hopes for the future, closing saxophone moment

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Tone

The episode maintains a warm, candid, sometimes humorous tone. Yvette’s empathy and Matt’s British wit and vulnerability create a space equally open for laughter and honest admissions about struggle, exhaustion, and love. The children’s voices and personalities provide brightness and authenticity, and the episode is punctuated by the real sights and sounds of family life.

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Final Reflection

This episode is a poignant, relatable exploration of what it means to be “squeezed” by caregiving demands—not just financially, but emotionally and socially. Listeners come away with a deeper appreciation of the invisible labor, improvisation, and community required to raise children, especially in challenging contexts. Matt’s story is both unique (co-parenting triplets as a gay dad far from home) and universal in its blend of exhaustion, vulnerability, love, and hope.

Transcript

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

Lemonade.

[Youngest Triplet]

Hello.

[Matt]

Hi guys. How you doing?

[Youngest Triplet]

How are you?

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

Nice to meet you.

[Matt]

Nice to meet you too. Likewise this ungodly hour. Hi, nice to meet you. How you doing? Come in guys. Yeah, yeah.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

Wow. That view is amazing.

[Matt]

I know.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

It's 6:45 on a clear brisk Tuesday morning. Our team has just arrived at an apartment near Wall street in lower Manhattan. In the living room, two big windows overlook the glistening Hudson River.

[Matt]

Below we look out onto the Statue of Liberty. We're very lucky. You get incredible sunsets, sunrises like we have right now.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

That's Matt, a native Londoner with a minimalist fashion sense. Thick framed glasses. Thanks. Dan Letucci and a kind smile along with his ex husband Matt. Co parents 11 year old triplets. And just so you know, we're not using the kids names for privacy reasons.

[Matt]

I think one of them might be stirring actually. So let's see. Are you good?

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Right. We're just gonna get into it. Okay. I'm gonna start making your breakfast. Pancakes? Sure. Okay. That's easy.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

At 7:25 the youngest triplet who plays a mean saxophone is needs to leave for band practice. The clock is ticking and like every morning, everyone's rushing to get out the door on time.

[Matt]

You've got your bits together. Have you finished that homework that I just learned about last night?

[Youngest Triplet]

The essay?

[Matt]

The essay? Yeah.

[Youngest Triplet]

I thought I already finished it.

[Matt]

Have you submitted it?

[Youngest Triplet]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Well, just check out this pancake, it's burning great. That's looking pretty crispy. The alarm's probably getting off now.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

Late last night, Matt got back from a work trip abroad that left him scrambling to take over childcare duties from his ex. And now a couple of strangers with microphones are recording his every move. So given the circumstances, let's let Matt off the hook for those burnt pancakes.

[Matt]

All right, I'm gonna stir the other two children now. Hi kids. Morning darlings. How you doing? Okay, it's time to wake up. Okay, no response from the kids.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

Okay, but those sleepy heads are a problem for future Matt right now. His goal is to get the youngest to band practice on time.

[Matt]

Okay, so it's 7:25, so we're on time for once.

[Youngest Triplet]

Yeah, well I normally leave at like 7:30 and like speed walk and then I think I would be there on time.

[Matt]

It's true. I have taught you how to walk faster. I really is. It's imperative as a New Yorker. You gotta walk fast.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

And they're off speed walking along the Hudson river, neck and neck with the morning runners. Five minutes later, they're standing in front of the middle school five.

[Matt]

Listen to teachers work hard.

[Youngest Triplet]

Okay.

[Matt]

All right, that's one down, two to go.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

At 7:40 on the dot, Matt's back home, ready for round two. Kids awake, pancakes eaten, homework done, probably.

[Matt]

Because we have five minutes until we have to go to school.

[Youngest Triplet]

Wait, what time is it?

[Matt]

It's 8:05. So I want you to brush your teeth, please, and comb your hair one more time. It looks like you've had a go, but like a second attempt. Okay. All right. And then bags packed. And away we go.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

And just like every weekday morning, a bunch of the kids, sixth grade classmates will file out of the neighboring high rises, a sea of colorful backpacks and customized keychains streaming onto the concrete all at once.

[Matt]

They'll run away from me and say, dad, don't want to walk with you. You're not cool enough. Gotta go meet my. They'll just ditch me. Never said that.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

And that's a wrap on the morning school run. Now it's time for Matt to get on with the rest of his day. Work calls, zoom meetings, more work calls. You know the drill. Today we're going to step into Matt's world to find out what it's like to parent three kids and juggle a career in one of the most expensive cities in the world where a family has to make over $300,000 a year to be able to cover childcare comfortably. And that's for one kid. Matt's got three. This is squeezed. I'm your host, Yvette Nicole Brown. Episode three. Meet Matt.

[Youngest Triplet]

Okay, here we have a triple bunk bed. I'm on the bottom, there's one in the middle and then one on the top.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

That's the youngest triplet. They're the one who had to get up extra early for band practice this morning after school, while their siblings were stuck doing math tutoring, the youngest gave us a tour of the room they all share, starting with the posters and tacked up on the walls, we have.

[Youngest Triplet]

TV Girl and then we have one poster of Trace Atlantic. But I just like that album a little bit. And I also like the name of it. Nostalgia. I don't know if the Arctic Monkeys have more albums than those Arctic Monkeys.

[Matt]

I knew those when I was a young man.

[Youngest Triplet]

They're just a good band.

[Matt]

No, they are.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

In one corner of the room, moonlight the fish is hanging out in his tank. It has a mini replica of SpongeBob's house in it. To the left, the triplets desks are lined up next to each other. The oldest triplets desk is first and it's a beautician's dream. Two vanity mirrors, makeup brushes stuffed into a mug, a million kinds of mascara, lip gloss foundation.

[Youngest Triplet]

There's even a whole box down here. And then here we have Taylor's albums.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Youngest Triplet]

Oh yeah. Also there's Taylor friendship bracelets over here.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Youngest Triplet]

Reputation fearless.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

But there's no trace of makeup on the middle sibling's desk. Instead a color coded map of the US sits front and center with a blue and pink pop fidget toy off to the side and a sports jersey stuffed into a plastic bag.

[Youngest Triplet]

And then there's a basketball on my sibling's desk. It's like a little mini basketball and I can throw it into the mini hoop.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

As they're saying this. The youngest is tuning a ukulele sitting at their desk that's scattered with playing cards and unfinished Rubik's Cube and one of those tech deck finger skateboards that were every teacher's nightmare in the early aughts. I can tell how much joy Matt gets from just being around his three preteen babies. But I have it on good authority that even one kid is a handful. So I can only imagine just how lawless a household with three of them can be.

[Matt]

We're in that fun pre adolescent stage. Yvette.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

Oh yay. Yay.

[Matt]

Right?

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

It's yay with a question mark. It's like yeah.

[Matt]

Oh yeah. Big question mark.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

Yes.

[Matt]

I'm kind of enjoying the, the calm before the storm. But yeah, the oldest is the most conventionally girly. She's the oldest one so she's a caretaker. And then the middle one, I think she's going to be a lawyer. Yvette. Like she's grilling me already. What did you do last night? Who did you go out with? This is when I don't have them on my non dusty nights. But she, she's great fun. Yeah. She sort of holds me to task and you know, keeps me, keeps me in check. And then the youngest is very much a sort of free spirit. Reads things about like the meaning of life events. Like quite heavy stuff for an 11 year old. The beginnings of the universe. So catches me out with these sort of very deep questions, you know, while we're making breakfast or something.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

In addition to being the family's philosopher, the youngest triplet started to question fixed ideas of gender about two years ago when they were in fourth grade and.

[Matt]

They'Ve been they them since fifth grade. I'm trying really hard but she gives me in her other they give me and their other father a pass. But from the get go, they were all, you know, asserting their own identities and personalities. And so that's been riveting to watch. And it continues to evolve and it's magnified by the fact that there's three of them.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

I love to see how your little face changed. You just came alive talking about your children, which I think is just really, really wonderful. So how would your children describe you?

[Matt]

How would my children. Oh, Yvette, you're starting with the big ones. I think they'd say I'm probably the stricter father, possibly because of my British upbringing, my background. They love to sort of blame that their other father is American. And they're like, oh, he's so laissez faire. He's so relaxed. You know, we get away with blue murder with him. And so I think that would be the sort of initial response.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

I love it. So let's now go back in time when you had first moved to New York as a single gay man living your best life. What was that first year like for you in New York?

[Matt]

For me personally, it was, it was a very exciting time. I, I'd always wanted to live and work in the US and I managed to get here through my work. I work in marketing and it's a game mecca as well of it, you know, and I had no idea how long I'd be here. And here I am, you know, 15 years later. So. Yeah. Yeah.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

Okay. So how did you meet your ex husband?

[Matt]

So we met at a gay bar, would you believe it? But yeah, we met outside an al. Defunct gay bar in the. The Lower east side, the East Village area. And we were exiting this club, me and a couple of my friends and I just saw him sidewalk and we got talking and then, you know, we, we hung out after that. And I think one of the reasons why we sort of hit it off quite quickly was because he was one of the few gay guys at the time who wanted to have kids as well. So we both wanted to have children.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

About two years into their relationship, Matt and his then partner got in touch with the surrogacy clinic to make their dreams come true. And in 2012, they tied the knot in Canada. Because let's not forget, same sex marriage wasn't legal in the US until 2015. On a spring morning in 2012, the newlyweds woke up to an email from the surrogacy clinic. But it wasn't exactly what they were expecting. There's a big difference between let's have A baby and finding out that you're having three at one time. So can you take me back to that exact moment? Like, make me feel like I'm right there? You have to tell all your business. Business. But let me know how it feels when you get that call or the email or the doctor tells you, guess what? You're gonna have three.

[Matt]

I mean, I mean, I'm gonna be really candid with you, but I just sort of walked around Manhattan with my head in my hands going, holy cow, how have I gone from zero to three?

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

Yeah.

[Matt]

And how are we gonna do it? You know, like it was, it was euphoria. But there was also, like, I hadn't planned all three. You know, three. Three's a lot to go from zero to three, you know, without, you know, just one to begin with. So I, I did sort of despair of it for a few weeks and then I got it together and said, you know, you know, this is. We'll be good.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

This was just the first of many major pivots in Matt's life. Like many caregivers, Matt was in for some serious ups and downs over the next few years. First time dad duties, divorcing, co parenting, budgeting for three, and doing all of this away from his support system in London without his people to lean on. Talk about ruff. More on how Matt survived the unexpected after the break.

[Matt]

Hello, I'm James Corden, and on my new show, this Life of Mine, I sit down each week with some of the most fascinating, fascinating people on planet Earth. From Dr. Dre to Julianne Moore to David Beckham to Cynthia Erivo to Martin Scorsese to Jeremy Renner to Denzel Washington to Kim Kardashian. We talk about the people, places, possessions, music and memories that made them who they are. These are intimate conversations full of stories that you've never heard before. This Life of Mine premieres October 21st. Wherever you get your podcasts.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

Welcome back. Before the break, we met Matt and his three sixth graders. We've got the skincare connoisseur, the prolific reader, and the basketball player who moonlights as a lawyer. Since the triplets were five, Matt has split co parenting duties with his ex husband. They live a few blocks apart in Battery Park City and even have joint family dinners every now and then. Battery Park City is one of the most expensive neighborhoods in Manhattan, and if you can afford to live there, you're off to a good start. Cause the public schools nearby are great. But no matter where you find yourself in the city, the cost of raising three Kids is a logistical nightmare that bleeds a lot of parents dry, especially because New York is facing its worst affordability crisis in decades. So I asked Matt for a reality check. So single dad, triplets, New York, crazy high childcare costs. And then also you famously said you don't get a discount for triplets. So can you just explain this whole story of like, oh my goodness, this is where I am and how do you make it work and how expensive is it?

[Matt]

Sure, the child care costs are insane. Before they went into the public school system, there were daycare costs. And I remember going to see my accountant perhaps when they were two or three of it, and the childcare costs for the three of them that year were $72,000.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

Wow.

[Matt]

And my accountant's like, you must have this wrong, Matt. I said, no, no, it's $6,000 a month for the three of them in the daycare on the corner of my road. And you know, there was no discount, but no, they're ruthless down here. But then other costs come in.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

Right.

[Matt]

One of my other daughters had to go private for a couple of years as well because she had a few sort of learning issues. That was an enormous cost. I'm not gonna, you know, drop the number, but let's say it's more than Harvard. The tuition for Harvard in one year. But yes, they're the big ones. And then the day to day costs, I mean, just the grocery costs, you know, I've got three 11 year olds now, they eat a lot. They eat me out of house and home of it. And those costs have ballooned as well, obviously during the cost of living crisis over the last couple of years and so on.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

Phew. I'm sitting here sweating bullets after hearing all those big numbers. Let's not forget that in between footing the daycare and private school bills, Matt was going through a divorce. And FYI, divorces can get expensive, not to mention they can be traumatic and disrupt all the big and little parts of your routine. Like the kids footsteps as they race to wake you up and demand pancakes for breakfast. Or their hushed voices whispering secrets back and forth after tucking them in at night. Matt had to accept that there would be mornings and nights without these sounds. And as he was wrapping his brain around that, he also had to weigh his options at work.

[Matt]

It just was really, really hard to, you know, do the usual eight or six work and then, you know, be around and be present for the children as well. So I sort of decided to, you know, leave my, you know, permanent full time role. And I Went independent. And so I had them for half a week and my ex had them for the other half of the week. And if I'd stayed in that role, I would never have seen the kids. So I decided to go independent. I became a freelance marketing consultant, which I still am six and a half, seven years later. And it meant that I could be with the children of it. So, you know, and I'm glad to be able to say that I've been able to do that since, you know, they were five, six, and they're now 11. So I've been really lucky to be there and really present during this part of their life.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

I asked you the question about deciding to leave your job. I had to make the same decision. I've been a caregiver for my father who has dementia for 10 years, and I ended up having to leave a television show, asked to be released from a contract to be able to do it. So can you describe your inner monologue when you were deciding between keeping your job and that paycheck versus time with my children, need the money, need to be a good dad to my kids. So, so what was that inner monologue like? And how, how swiftly could you make that decision?

[Matt]

I think I still have nightmares over that period. Like, it was, it was, it was, it was so many competing influences and forces and so many strong emotions. You know, I felt confident in my ability to do my job. I, I wasn't that worried about the work. I was like, you know what? The work will come. I'll be able to get the, the work. But perhaps that was sort of naivety or, you know, I'm not sure. But it did come, thankfully. But, yeah, it was hard to leave that salaried role with all the benefits and healthcare for the children, the 401k and so on. So. So it was a bit of a jump into the dark. And I never, I never thought I would be raising three children in, in Manhattan by myself. I was never in the life plan of it. I never thought, oh, I'm gonna move to New York City and I'm gonna have three little ones. They're going to raise them by myself. So I, I still think it could be a lot. It would be a lot easier to do this somewhere else. But because we have shared custody, we're always going to be in New York until the children leave home.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

Right.

[Matt]

Even though it is a really tough place to raise kids, I think you need to be pretty resilient. Gotta have a good sort of support network around you. And yeah, just keep Going it's, it's a tough undertaking.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

It's not easy to choose to leave your job while co parenting to be more present for your kids. In Matt's words, it was a risk. And those kinds of risks often come with a level of privilege and flexibility that not everyone has in our country. Many lower income families are spending one third of their paycheck on child care. And when you find yourself in a position like that, you're less likely to take any job related risks because your livelihood is already too precarious. That's where the village comes in. For many, it can be a literal saving grace. It can put food on the table for your kids and it'd be the difference between barely staying afloat and thriving. More on how crucial community has been for Matt when we come back.

[Matt]

Okay, guys, see. How's your day at school? Good.

[Youngest Triplet]

Ballroom dancing was fun.

[Matt]

Ballroom dancing is different.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

Here's Matt standing outside the school doors with hundreds of kids swarming around him.

[Matt]

So it's 3O'. Clock, so it's the end of the school day. So we're gonna head home now, right? Yeah. And get a snack and then straight into math tutoring. Yeah, I call going second.

[Youngest Triplet]

I call going second.

[Matt]

So two of them have math tutoring and then this one does not. The youngest. And I think giving it such a nice day. Those 900 kids in that building, half of them will be in that place. So the fun continues. So we'll go outside.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

I think those playgrounds are representative of the kind of community that's available to the kids and parents of Battery Park City. For any parent, that community is nice to lean on. But for an expat like Matt, it's the difference between being really lonely and feeling like you're home.

[Matt]

Families spend a lot of time in these playgrounds because we all live in small apartments and you get to know everyone. So you create these great bonds down there and you, you know, you share all these sort of rites of passages, all these experiences with your children. Yeah, you find, you find your groove, you find your parental group that, you know, have a similar style to you. And yeah, that was the big unlock in terms of like, you know, finding, you know, my community here in New York. And there's a huge sort of community of gay dads I'm sort of tapped into here in Manhattan and Brooklyn and, and we just go out and we go have cocktails and it's primarily parenting stuff and a little bit of, you know, salacious sort of gay relationship stuff as well.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

What do you Think your experience would have been like without these families to rely on, without your community?

[Matt]

Yeah, I think it would be really hard because I don't have any immediate family here. I don't have any family in the U.S. you know, there was no sort of like grandma, grandpa to go to on the weekend and dump the kids and say, can you watch these for a few hours while I sleep? You know, and yeah, my parents would visit once or twice a year and then those visits kind of fell away as the children got a little bit older and then the pandemic happened and so there weren't any visits. But you know, there was a lot of calls, a lot of face times, you know, so we could sort of, you know, build and maintain those relationships between my parents and the children.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

Matt's parents and his two siblings live in London. They all live close to one another. And this was especially important in 2020 when Matt's dad was diagnosed with cancer.

[Matt]

I felt a long, long way from home at that point. Like I've always felt like three and a half thousand miles away, but that felt like 3 million miles away. Yeah, I do get a bit sad about that event. I do miss the fact that they won't really have as much exposure to my family as say they would have if I still lived in the UK with them, you know, so. But anyway, that's why you have to lean on others, you know, friends and neighbors and so on. Yeah, yeah.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

I would say if your friends say we want to help you, let them help you. Like I've gotten to the point now where I'm starting to say, could you sit with daddy for a couple hours? Just want to go, you know, take a break or get some coffee. And I'm surprised at how many people are like, absolutely, I would love to come over and sit with your dad. So that would be my advice to let others help you.

[Matt]

Yeah, I don't think I'm quite there yet, but I still feel like I'm very. I sort of pride myself, my self sufficiency. I think I need to get to that level. I mean, as I said, I've got some really dear friends who I do probably reach out to in a really extreme pinch. But there's a lot of day to day stuff where perhaps I could lean a bit harder, but I choose not to. Yeah, I mean, the thing is also that, you know, they have two male fathers. I mean, there's all sorts of stuff coming up, you know, periods and puberty, which is, you know.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

Yeah.

[Matt]

New to me. Yeah.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

Bring the Brain trust in. You're going to need them. You're going to need them.

[Matt]

So I've. Yes, I've got lots of good girlfriends. Mums in the neighborhood. You know, they walk me through all of that. But again, bra shopping, Yvette.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

Yes.

[Matt]

That's a. That was a new one for me.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

It's a thing.

[Matt]

Yeah. So that was quite difficult as a gay man.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Just trying to figure that out.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

Yeah.

[Matt]

And then, yeah, the hormones now are just. Just raging. I mean, when they, you know, the three of them gang up on me and start slamming the doors, I'm like, can you leave the doors alone? Like those poor doors.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

You gotta. You gotta accent it with the door. It has to happen.

[Matt]

A lot of door slamming, Yvette. A lot of door slamming. Yeah.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

This is the sad thing about not having, you know, landlines anymore, because also slamming that phone down when you're upset is part of it too. I love that you took the leap. I love that you chose where you wanted to live and you moved there. And I love that you're bobbing and weaving with grace as life has changed. And I think as wonderful as the surprise of these three babies, I think there are more wonderful surprises coming your way that will delight you in the same way these three little ones have.

[Matt]

I just sort of support and nurture them if they feel supported and loved and me and their other dad are behind them, and that's enough for me. That's success.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

There's so much to celebrate in Matt's life. He and his ex husband are raising three healthy kids who are finding their own way in the world, who feel safe enough to express their identities freely, who are kind, funny little humans with big hearts. One look at them and all the pivoting and juggling in the world feels complete. But that's not to say that the past few years haven't been difficult on Matt. Yes, he's found his footing and is able to cover the cost of child care, but spending enough time with his kids, finding job security, and continuing to build community has been a tricky balance to strike. I'm not sure that anyone could strike that balance, to be honest. Especially since child care costs have spiked 30% across the country since 2019. So the cost of living crisis Matt was talking about doesn't only apply to New York. We're all living it. See you next time on Squeezed. I'm your host, Yvette Nicole Brown.

[Matt]

Do you want to go play some saxophone to the sun, entertain the masses?

[Youngest Triplet]

Yeah, well, I'm not gonna specifically like practice what I do at school because.

[Matt]

Oh, you're gonna freestyle. I love that.

[Youngest Triplet]

That was random.

[Matt]

I like that.

[Youngest Triplet]

That's cool.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

There's more. Squeeze with Lemonada Premium subscribers get exclusive access to bonus content like previously unheard clips from all our voices in this series. Subscribe now on Apple Podcasts. Squeezed is a Lemonada Media original. I'm your host, Yvette Nicole Brown and Crystal Genesis is our senior producer. Julia York, Tess Novotny and Hannah Boomershine are our producers. Field production by Crystal Genesis, Julia York and Ivan Kuraev. Our theme music is by Andy, Kristen's daughter with additional music by APM Music. Ivan Kurayev is our engineer. Jackie DanZiger is our VP of Narrative Content. Executive producers are me, Yvette Nicole Brown, Jessica Cordova Kramer and Stephanie Whittles. Wax this show was created in partnership with the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation, a leading national philanthropy dedicated to taking bold leaps to transform health in our lifetime and pave the way together to a future where health is no longer a privilege, but a right. Follow Squeezed wherever you get your podcasts or listen. Ad free on Amazon Music with your prime membership.

[Youngest Triplet]

Sam.