Squeezed with Yvette Nicole Brown

Episode 4: Helping the Most Vulnerable Teens

Date: September 4, 2024
Host: Yvette Nicole Brown
Guest: Shilpa, Director of CARES Program at Mount Sinai

Overview

This episode of Squeezed dives into the realities of supporting at-risk teens through the lens of Shilpa, a psychologist and director of the Comprehensive Adolescent Rehabilitation and Education Service (CARES) in Harlem. Yvette Nicole Brown explores what it means to care for some of New York City’s most vulnerable youth, the daily balancing act between compassion and systemic constraints, and the lifelong impact such programs can have—not only on the students but also on the caregivers themselves. The episode also offers candid insights from Shilpa’s personal journey, a behind-the-scenes look at CARES, and practical wisdom for parents and caregivers navigating the adolescent years.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

Shilpa's Morning Routine: Grounding the Caregiver

• [00:07 – 02:17]
  • Shilpa’s day starts early, integrating exercise and mindfulness (rowing machine, acupressure mat, “The Power of Now”) as self-care.
  • She balances caregiving at work and home, with a son and a cat, highlighting the universality of caregiver exhaustion.
  • Quote:
    “Caring for yourself while caring for others is an important balancing act when you’re doing it at home and at work.” — Yvette Nicole Brown [02:33]

Building a Therapeutic School Environment

• [03:42 – 04:51]
  • Shilpa gives a “tour” of her cozy, inviting office—emphasizing warmth and approachability, with student photos, lamps, and team keepsakes like Halloween costume mugs.
  • She has led CARES for 15 years and values tradition and inclusion.
  • Quote:
    “Some of these puzzles… a couple of valentines I got from my son. Dear Mom, I love you.” — Shilpa [04:03]

Shilpa’s Adolescence and Motivation

• [05:25 – 06:42]
  • Growing up as one of the only brown students in a white suburb while also immersed in Indian community life led to her sense of dual identity.
  • Early exposure to mental health struggles within her community and family shaped her path.
  • Quote:
    “There’s just kind of an inherent responsibility that comes with [being the eldest], regardless of your background.” — Shilpa [05:25]

Inside the CARES Program

• [06:42 – 08:26]
  • CARES is a clinical/educational “one stop shop” for teens ages 14–21 facing mental health, substance, academic, social, and family challenges.
  • Students attend for a year, get standard diplomas, but also receive intensive therapeutic support.
  • School is filled with inclusivity: pride flag, Black Lives Matter, daily gratitude posters.
  • Notable moment:
    Shilpa jokes about being “biased” as the word picker for the math class spelling bee. [07:29]

What Makes a School ‘Therapeutic’

• [08:26 – 08:56]
  • Shilpa argues that all schools should be therapeutic, yet most are not.
  • At CARES, clinicians work alongside teachers to “destigmatize the idea that I might need help in the moment.”
  • Quote:
    “It’s a bit redundant in that school should be therapeutic… and it’s not, and so we do that here.” — Shilpa [08:26]

Holistic, Preventative Approach for Teens and Families

• [08:56 – 10:17]
  • Students referred via schools, therapists, CPS, legal system, and families—insurance and Medicaid are accepted.
  • Focus on preventing hospitalization and addressing family dynamics.
  • Many families are “eroded down by discrimination or misdiagnosis or racism.”
  • Quote:
    “There is no way to treat a child or a teen in isolation from their family system.” — Shilpa [09:48]

Real-Time Family Therapy (Shai and Shayla’s Story)

• [11:26 – 13:26]
  • Listen in on a family therapy session: Shai (student) and Shayla (mom), guided by therapist Emily.
  • Shai opens up about boundary violations and trauma; the process brings vulnerability, sorrow, and emotional walls.
  • Memorable exchange:
    “In my past, people have crossed boundaries… when people cross boundaries after I set them, it pisses me off… makes me feel unsafe. Cause of past trauma.” — Shai [12:37]
    “How does that feel for you to hear, Shayla?” — Shilpa [12:53]
    “Scare.” — Shayla [12:57]

Accountability vs. Punishment

• [14:32 – 15:08]
  • CARES avoids punitive approaches—students aren’t expelled for acting out, instead focusing on helping them take responsibility.
  • Quote:
    “Punished is not giving you a chance to respond and take ownership… Rather than keeping your locus of control external… let’s find the thing you can be in control of.” — Shilpa [14:39]

Former Student Perspective: Chris’s Story

• [15:36 – 16:55]
  • Chris, a CARES graduate and “rebellious, emotionally illiterate kid,” found support and belonging.
  • He now seeks to “pay it forward” by mentoring current students.
  • The enduring relationships illustrate CARES’ impact.
  • Quote:
    “There was always support around the corner… I definitely found some kind of peace, whether I liked to admit it back then or not.” — Chris [15:55]

The System vs. Humanity: Burnout, Advocacy, and Self-Care

• [17:06 – 19:17]
  • Shilpa juggles leadership, finances, supports 200+ staff—describes the need for morning rituals to “come back to my core.”
  • She balances advocating for teens, supporting her team, and meeting external systemic demands.
  • Quote:
    “The trick for us is to maintain our humanity and not let the humanity go.” — Shilpa [17:48]
  • On the toll of the work:
    “There are days when I… start to feel those thoughts of why are you even doing this work… why don’t you just go and get that farm upstate and only deal with animals, not people?” — Shilpa [18:38]

Systemic Barriers: Insurance Inequalities

• [20:00 – 20:37]
  • Insurance—especially for middle-class families with commercial insurance—creates unpredictable obstacles to care.
  • Quote:
    “It’s just a very strange setup here of like who’s going to be allowed to access the multitude of programs that are designed.” — Shilpa [20:27]

Race, Gender, and Challenging the Status Quo

• [20:37 – 21:45]
  • Few women of color in leadership is a persistent problem; her experience with DEI (diversity, equity, inclusion) made her newly aware of barriers she had previously simply navigated.
  • Personal story: Father’s affirmation of his daughters’ worth in the face of cultural misogyny:
    “Girls can do anything they want, so why would that be a problem?” — Shilpa [21:49]

Parenting and Caregiving Wisdom

• [22:28 – 24:19]
  • The teenage years are universally about “finding oneself.”
  • Adults need to remember what being a teen felt like; unresolved parental anxieties often drive overbearing behavior.
  • Quote:
    “If we can connect on that level… there’s just magic can happen.” — Shilpa [23:02]
    “You actually need to have conflict, especially with teens. Part of what they’re developmentally wired to do is to push up against adults. If we can allow them to do that safely, we have a much better chance…” — Shilpa [23:56]

At Home: Talking with Her Own Son

• [24:37 – 25:17]
  • Shilpa discusses difficult topics like addiction with her son from a non-preachy, human place, trying not to “overload” but also not to fully shield.
  • Parenting is a “rollercoaster,” but it can also be “riding a wave.”
  • Quote:
    “You can either be really stiff and strict and that wave’s gonna hit you and it’s gonna be so painful… The more you try to fight it with this rigidity and this ‘I’m right, you’re wrong,’ it just gets harder and harder.” — Shilpa [25:26]

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Human vs. System:
  “The trick for us is to maintain our humanity and not let the humanity go.” — Shilpa [17:48]

• Redefining Accountability:
  “Punished is not giving you a chance to respond and take ownership… let’s find the thing you can be in control of.” — Shilpa [14:39]

• Therapeutic Schooling Philosophy:
  “It’s a bit redundant in that school should be therapeutic… and it’s not, and so we do that here.” — Shilpa [08:26]

• On Parenting Adolescents:
  “You actually need to have conflict, especially with teens… they’re developmentally wired to push up against adults.” — Shilpa [23:56]

• On Riding the Waves of Care:
  “You can see that [the wave] is coming, acknowledge that and anticipate it… and you will still be standing here.” — Shilpa [25:26]

Timestamps for Important Segments

| Timestamp | Highlight | |-------------|-------------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:07–02:17 | Shilpa’s morning self-care and family routine | | 03:42–04:51 | Tour of Shilpa’s office; environment as therapy | | 05:25–06:42 | Shilpa’s upbringing and early sense of responsibility | | 06:42–08:26 | Inside CARES: holistic, inclusive therapeutic school | | 11:26–13:26 | Listening in on a family therapy session (Shai & Shayla) | | 14:32–15:08 | Accountability vs. punishment; cultivating agency | | 15:36–16:55 | Former student Chris’s transformation and ongoing bond | | 17:06–19:17 | Navigating burnout and self-care as a leader | | 20:00–20:37 | The unpredictability and impact of insurance access | | 23:56–24:19 | The necessity and value of conflict in adolescent development | | 25:26–26:19 | Surfing the waves of parenting and caregiving |

Conclusion: The Caregiving Balance

The episode concludes by reframing the challenge of caregiving for teens as a balancing act: navigating the tension between authority and empathy, systems and humanity, stability and flexibility. Shilpa’s story—and those of her students—demonstrate the transformative power of patience, presence, and persistent advocacy within and against “the system.” At its heart, the work is about giving young people the unconditional space to struggle, grow, and find themselves—while remembering, as caregivers, to ground oneself in purpose and self-care.

For parents, educators, and anyone who loves a teen—or is trying to find themselves—the wisdom and warmth of this episode offer an encouraging blueprint for connection, resilience, and hope.