The Heavy Case of Caregiving and Alzheimer’s, from The Second Opinion

Summary

Podcast Summary: Squeezed with Yvette Nicole Brown

Episode: The Heavy Case of Caregiving and Alzheimer’s, from The Second Opinion
Release Date: November 26, 2025
Host: Dr. Sharon
Guest: Yvette Nicole Brown
Producer: Lemonada Media

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Episode Overview

This episode dives deeply into the personal and emotional journey of caregiving, particularly in the context of Alzheimer's disease. Actress and advocate Yvette Nicole Brown candidly shares her experience as a full-time caregiver to her father, detailing the challenges, decisions, emotional toll, and profound rewards of caring for a loved one with Alzheimer’s. Alongside host Dr. Sharon, the discussion explores topics such as diagnosis, generational patterns, practical advice for future caregivers, systemic issues in caregiving, and the necessity of preparing both logistically and emotionally for the caregiving journey.

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Key Topics & Insights

1. Yvette’s Introduction to Caregiving

• Yvette shares her origin story as a caregiver (01:52), beginning when she noticed her father’s increasing forgetfulness while working in Ohio. Prior family experience with dementia (her grandfather) shaped her vigilance.
• She recounts the pivotal moment realizing the seriousness of her father’s memory loss when he lost an important binder (01:52–03:13).

Quote:

“I didn’t know what I was doing. I didn’t know what his diagnosis was. I just knew that whatever he was facing, it will be better for him to be facing it with me.”
— Yvette Nicole Brown (03:11)

2. Alzheimer’s Diagnosis and Family History

• Yvette’s father was in his early 70s when symptoms emerged (03:22), with the formal Alzheimer’s diagnosis coming about a year later.
• The conversation covers the genetic aspect of dementia, as her grandfather also suffered from it (03:56).
• Dr. Sharon offers a clinical explanation of Alzheimer’s as “progressive, irreversible, neurologic disease” that often begins long before clear symptoms (06:10).

Quote:

“For most people, even before the time you realize that something is really happening, that process has been going on for a decade or more.”
— Dr. Sharon (06:10)

3. Early Warning Signs & Masking

• Yvette describes how people with early dementia may mask their symptoms out of fear and a desire to maintain autonomy (05:03).
• Her first big warning sign: her dad getting lost en route to a familiar place (Aunt Mickey’s house) after 40 years (05:03–06:10).

4. Risk Factors and Personal Health

• The pair discuss potential risk factors and the debated link between diabetes and Alzheimer’s (“type 3 diabetes”) (07:24). Yvette talks about her own health, being a type 2 diabetic and going into remission (07:22–08:13).
• Yvette’s father, aside from the dementia, was extremely health conscious—a factor that highlights the disease’s unpredictability (08:17).

5. Gender, Race, and the Complexity of Diagnosis

• Dr. Sharon clarifies that while Alzheimer’s is the most common dementia, there are multiple causes, and some, like small vessel strokes, disproportionately affect Black Americans (09:37–10:26).
• Discussion about the limitations in current diagnostic tools—much is diagnosed by exclusion (10:26–10:57).

6. Planning for the Future

• Despite her family history, Yvette plans proactively for her own aging: financial preparation, savings, and ensuring future care will not become a burden for others, given she has no children (11:24).

Quote:

“I’m going to make sure that I have saved my money and lived my life in such a way that if it does come for me, that I don’t end up being a burden for anyone.”
— Yvette Nicole Brown (11:40)

7. Transition in Care: Letting Go as Full-Time Caregiver

• Yvette cared for her father at home for 11.5 years (13:34). After a serious fall and subsequent decline, she was counseled by a social worker to transition her father to professional memory care (13:34–15:52).
• Profound advice from a social worker:
  • “Would [your father] want you to be his nursemaid or his daughter?”
  • Helped Yvette see that sometimes love means making decisions that maintain relationship roles and quality of life (14:32).

8. The Emotional Toll & The Guilt of Caregiving

• Both host and guest discuss the universal guilt, exhaustion, and isolation caregivers often feel (20:12).
• Emphasis on the need to recognize caregiving as both a loving act and a significant, consuming weight (20:23).
• High cost and inaccessibility of quality memory care is explored ($7,700/month average) (20:59).

Quote:

"It's not feeling bad about not being able to do more when you're doing all that you humanly can—that's detrimental to your spirit."
— Yvette Nicole Brown (21:59)

• Pivotal moment: Yvette’s father, in a moment of lucidity, asked her:
  • “How did you get this job?” regarding her caregiving.
    • “Daddy, I applied...I will continue to fight for this job.”
    • This underscored for her the complexity and heartache of caring for someone who may not fully understand the sacrifice (22:35).

9. Practical Advice for Potential Caregivers

• Get paperwork in order early: Durable power of attorney (medical & financial), joint bank accounts for easy access if incapacity occurs—the sooner, the better (26:49).
• Build a support network: Let friends know, so they can help and check in, provide meals, respite, and emotional support (26:49).
• Self-care is critical: Yvette jokes about not always having it figured out, but underscores that you must find breaks and restorative activities (28:48).
• Lean into love: The heart of caregiving is pure love, even through the hardest moments.

10. Systemic Crisis and the Future of Care

• Yvette issues a warning about the impending caregiving crisis in the US due to policy changes (cuts to Medicaid/Medicare, closing of nursing facilities) (17:05).
• Stresses the necessity for new community-based care models and resource sharing.
• Recommends resources such as Caring Across Generations, the Motion Picture Television Fund, A Place for Mom, Care.com (17:05–19:13).

11. Lasting Impact and Joy Found in Care

• Dr. Sharon asks how caregiving affected Yvette’s life and health—Yvette acknowledges stress but reaffirms she would “not change a thing” (25:42–26:31).
• Yvette credits her own support system, especially her husband Tony, for caring for her as she cares for others (28:56).

12. Final Thoughts and Season Preview

• The next season of Squeezed will address the emotional complexity of caregiving for estranged parents or parents who “weren’t there for you” (32:24–33:18).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On learning to care:

  “Whether they’re your 72-year-old parent or your 7-week-old child, you gonna figure it out... That’s what caregiving is, just loving.”
  — Yvette Nicole Brown (24:39)

• On managing guilt:

  “The guilt that’s a part of it is unhealthy. It’s not feeling bad about not being able to do more when you’re doing all that you humanly can—that’s detrimental to your spirit.”
  — Yvette Nicole Brown (21:59)

• On the need for early planning:

  “You gotta get a durable power of attorney...there are certain things they can’t sign after a certain point. So you have got to get their permission to care for them while they’re still able to give you permission to do that.”
  — Yvette Nicole Brown (26:49)

• On finding joy:

  “What brings me joy is knowing that I can look back on my life and know that I never stabbed anybody in the back, I've never stepped on anybody to get ahead, and I honored my mother and father.”
  — Yvette Nicole Brown (30:29)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Yvette's caregiving story & recognizing dementia: 01:52–06:10
• Family history and genetics: 03:56–08:57
• Managing risk & health: 07:21–11:24
• Transitioning to professional care: 13:34–15:52
• The weight and guilt of caregiving: 20:12–22:00
• Advice for future caregivers: 26:49–28:36
• Systemic crisis in caregiving: 17:05–19:13
• Emotional joy & support systems: 28:56–31:27
• Season two preview of Squeezed: 32:24–33:18

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Takeaways & Practical “Doctor's Orders”

(Dr. Sharon’s closing segment)

1. Genetics is not destiny: 30–50% of dementia cases are preventable—prioritize prevention early (33:33).
2. Preparation eases hardship: Do paperwork (power of attorney, finances, DNRs) before you urgently need them.
3. Self-care matters: You must replenish yourself to sustain the ongoing work of caregiving.
4. No one need face this alone: With planning, support, and self-care, the burden and love of caregiving are manageable.

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Closing

This episode is a powerful, compassionate conversation illuminating the realities and possibilities of caregiving in the Alzheimer’s era. Both Dr. Sharon and Yvette Nicole Brown offer personal, practical, and emotional wisdom, highlighting the need for early preparation, honest conversations, resourcefulness, and most importantly, the role of love and community in the caregiving journey.

Transcript

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

Lemonade and, and podcasts like this. And anytime I talk about caregiving, I try to encourage people to try it. Don't find out that someone's in trouble and just shuttle them off to some room or some facility to be cared for by people that don't love them the way you do. If you have the room and the space in your house, in your heart, bring them and you will find that you, you can do it. I did it knowing nothing. And it literally. You learn how to love. Think about everybody that has kids. I don't have kids. But everyone that has kids, they're bringing that little baby home. They don't know what they're doing. And yet all of these humans survive.

[Dr. Sharon]

This episode was brought to you by Alloy Health and Rivian. Today we're diving into Alzheimer's and caregiving with my guests, the brilliant and beloved actress Yvette Nicole Brown. Many of you know her from the hit series Community. And one of my all time favorites, her unforgettable appearances on a black lady sketch show. I love that. But today, she's here to share her journey as a daughter, as a caregiver, and the lessons she's learned along the way. So welcome to the Second Opinion, yvette.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

Thank you, Dr. Sharon. Happy to be here.

[Dr. Sharon]

Well, I'm glad to have you. And, you know, this is a, a topic that's very, very important to me. And unfortunately, you know, I don't have parents, but I have elderly siblings, believe it or not. And I am also watching so many of my friends who are negotiating caregiving with their elderly parents. And, you know, and I really understand the toll that it takes. So, you know, Yvette, I'd like to start with your personal journey into caregiving. How did you get here?

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

Well, I was working on a show called Community. We were in our fifth season and I started to notice that my dad was. He was back home in Ohio and I noticed that he was being forgetful. He was forgetting things, he was repeating himself. It was a lot of, and I didn't know a lot about dementia and Alzheimer's besides the fact that my grandfather, his dad, had had it and had passed of it. But I didn't know yet that it was genetic. I just didn't know anything about it. I just knew dad was having some issues. So I went home to see about him and to help him retire because the issues had been causing so much trouble that he, his job was becoming an issue because he was making mistakes on the job which he had never done in 30 some years. And as I was getting him retired, I was on my way back home to the air, on my way to the airport to fly home, and he called me and he couldn't find the binder that had all of his papers, his social card, like everything that made him him was in this binder. And I had just left him, and he did not know what he did with it. And that clicked. I said, something is terribly wrong with him. So within the next three or four months, I told myself, once Community is canceled, I'm going to Cleveland. I'm getting them, and I'm bringing them home. And Community got canceled, and I was in. Community got canceled on a Friday. By that Monday, I was in Cleveland grabbing my dad. I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't know what his diagnosis was. I just knew that whatever he was facing, it will be better for him to be facing it with me.

[Dr. Sharon]

Let me just say this. You're a fantastic daughter for that quickness of tending to your dad. But can I ask you just a question at this point? How old was your dad?

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

My dad was 72. 71. 71.

[Dr. Sharon]

Okay.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

When he was diagnosed, because he's 83 now, so he was 71. And I say when diagnosed, he actually didn't get diagnosed for another. I would say maybe year. They were calling it dementia at first, and then they did all the scans and all the tests, and then it came back that it was actually Alzheimer's, which is, you know, my greatest fear, because I saw what my granddad had gone through with it, So I knew that it was. It was going to be a journey for me and him.

[Dr. Sharon]

And how old was your grandfather when it was noticed that he had dementia as well?

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

You know, I think it was. He passed around 86, so I think it was maybe 75 for him because my aunt, my dad's sister, took care of my granddad. So I remember her on that journey. It felt like she was on that journey for at least a decade. So I would say that it was probably 75, 74 or 75 when he was diagnosed.

[Dr. Sharon]

Now, do you have siblings in.

[BetterHelp Ad Narrator]

I have a brother.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

I have an older brother. He's here in la. Everybody moved out west.

[Dr. Sharon]

Yeah. Okay. All right. So there wasn't an option for someone else to sort of step in, but you did the right thing. You went and got your dad.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

My cousins really took care of him. And he had a wonderful neighbor, Ms. Pearl. I will think kindly of her the rest of my life. She and Meals on Wheels and my cousins, that Were still in Ohio. Did a lot to carry my dad for those two or three months between me worrying about him and the show getting canceled.

[Dr. Sharon]

So, okay, so looking back, if you had to say you noticed it that one time, but if you had to now, knowing what you know, if you look back and you say, well, when did you first realize that maybe something was amiss?

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

You know, probably I would say within that same year. Because what I've also learned about dementia and Alzheimer's diagnosis, People are scared and they mask. You know, they're aware that something's not quite right, but they don't want anyone to think that something's not quite right. So there's a lot of. I use the word hiding, but I don't wanna make it seem like it's sinister. But there's a lot of things that people that are forgetful and we'll just say it. That say that's what it is at the beginning. They don't want people to worry. They don't want their autonomy taken away. And so they don't really let people know. So it was a while before I even knew that dad was having problems at work. The one thing that did get me early, though, is I was visiting before the time when I went home to help him retire. I visited before that, and my dad got lost coming to my Aunt Mickey's house. And my dad had been coming to my aunt Mickey' for 40 years. So the idea that he would turn on the wrong street or go in the wrong direction on a freeway like that, it makes no sense that he would do that. That was the very first inkling I had that. What do you mean? You're on this street that's not near Mickey's house? So it was really. It was a journey for both of us.

[Dr. Sharon]

Good friend of mine, Dr. Lisa Moscone, I don't know if you've heard her, but she does a lot of the. She's a neuroscientist, and she does research into Alzheimer's and particularly Alzheimer's in women. And she said. When she described Alzheimer's to me, it's sort of like, you know, how certain things hit home a little differently when you hear it said that way. And I think the way she described it, she said alzheimer's is a progressive, irreversible, neurologic disease that manifests itself later in life. But actually it begins in midlife. And for most people, even before the time that you realize that something is really happening. That process has been going on for. For a decade or more. Before. And so that's why I think it's so important that, you know, when you know your family history, you at least sort of say, yeah, okay, well, let me look out for this. But the. And what I really want to say is that for all of us as we get older and for all of us who have a family history, there is no. There's no downside.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

Right.

[Dr. Sharon]

In just getting an evaluation.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

Right. Well, you know, have you heard it called diabetes 3. Type 3 diabetes, you know. You know, I've been researching everything about it since my dad's diagnosis, and just the idea that sugar and the way our body processes sugar can greatly affect the chances of you getting Alzheimer's or the severity of it when you get it. So I'm just like, you know, I'm a type 2 diabetic as well. I'm in remission. I, you know, found out that eating all those donuts every day on the set of Community could probably lead to a diabetes diagnosis. So I stopped doing that. And when I lost weight, my. My diabetes went into remission. I'm not on metformin anymore, and I don't have insulin or anything like that. But at the same time, I do know that my body does not process insulin or sugar the way that it should. So that's now got me concerned, like, oh, gosh, like, what am I doing to my brain?

[Dr. Sharon]

Well, let me ask you this. Did your dad have other risk factors?

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

He didn't. My dad is healthy as a hors. He never really drank, he never smoked. He doesn't have high blood pressure. He doesn't have high cholesterol. He was like a health food nut his entire life. He was going to health food stores when there was, like, only one in a city. He would find the one, and that would be where he got all of his supplements, whatever. So this happening to him and also beyond that, everyone else in my dad's family on his side, besides my granddad died of cancer. Every single person, my grandmother and all three of my aunt and my two uncles all died of cancer. My dad doesn't have cancer, so he literally got everything else okay, except for the thing that granddad had.

[Dr. Sharon]

Do you think that Alzheimer's was a concern of his? That might have led to some hesitation. He wasn't even. That wasn't right.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

I don't know, because I don't think. I don't remember. In the 70s and 80s, really, we didn't have the Internet, so no one was really diagnosing themselves. And my granddad hadn't been diagnosed yet. My dad just always. He had a stint of time where he was in the Nation of Islam, and they are very health conscious. So I think that might have been the thing that spurred him down the health road initially. And I think he just liked how he felt living leaner and cleaner. It was not a reaction to any fear about what might be coming for him.

[Dr. Sharon]

It's almost a distinction, you know, a difference without, you know, much of a distinction without a difference. When you say that when we think of Alzheimer's, we call every. Everything Alzheimer's, you know, and. But there is dementia, of which Alzheimer's is the most common. The most common. But there are other causes of dementia and another. And probably for black people, more of a. More of an issue. And that is the same things that are. Put you at risk for cardiovascular disease, put you at risk for Alzheimer's. And sometimes the dementia is, you know, is something that develops slowly and cumulatively because sometimes it's just the accumulation of small strokes. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Because, you know, can you warn me.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

Before we go there? Can you ease me into that? My goodness.

[Dr. Sharon]

But, you know, but. But I mean, that's the good news. And there really is some good news about that, because strokes, we know, we know how to prevent strokes and how to, you know, decrease the risk of cardiovascular disease and all of this, we don't really know what causes Alzheimer's. Right. We, you know, we don't know. It's sort. And for a lot of people, Alzheimer's ends up being the diagnosis that you come to once you've ruled out all the other things.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

All the others. Right, right.

[Dr. Sharon]

Because we don't have a good screening test really, for Alzheimer's. One of the things that I want to know is about your concerns, because given that you have a grandfather and you have a father who have had dementia, how has that informed how you are moving forward? And what is the advice that your medical providers have given you about things that you can do to prevent your risk?

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

The same things that could prevent me from getting Alzheimer's are the same things that could keep my cholesterol down and me from my. Keep my diabetes from flaring back up. So I'm aware that I need to eat lean meats and I need to eat more vegetables and I need to sleep better and not eat fried foods. It's all the stuff that we all know. And insofar as what I'm concerned about myself, and maybe I'm delusional, but I'm going to choose to believe that it ran through the male side of the family line. I'm going to choose to believe that. And I know I'm delusional, but I'm going to believe that and I'm going to make sure that I have saved my money and lived my life in such a way that if it does come for me that I don't end up being a burden for anyone because I don't have kids. If I had a, a daughter myself, I'd be like, baby girl, get ready to take mama in. But I don't have kids, so I don't want to end up being a ward of the state or end up being, you know, left to just fester in some nursing home. So I'm doing what I can do now financially to make sure and, you know, making sure that it's covered in my, in my, my trust and my will. That money is set aside for me to be put into a boarding care or a memory care facility of a close family member or friend's choosing that they think is, you know, worthy of me. And I also, I work, I do a lot of work with the Motion Picture Television Fund, which is a great charity out here that is like the life raft for people in the industry. And so I've already staked out my little cottage there or in the memory care unit. So I'm making plans for if it comes for me. I can't really do anything aside from just trying to keep my health where it needs to be, you know, hoping that it doesn't come for me. But there's so many things that could befall us in life. I can't live my life worried about something that may or may not come for me.

[Dr. Sharon]

All right, So I wanna get back to your dad. And you said your dad now, you went and got your dad, brought him to la and at that point you don't know what to do or how long this is gonna be indefinite. And you took care of your dad for 11 years?

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

11 and a half years. I've had him. I had him with me in the home with me for 11 and a half years. He had a fall a year ago and broke his hip and initially could walk again. He went through rehab at the hospital and was doing great with his physical therapy. When he went to the rehab nursing facility, they dropped the ball in regards to his rehabilitation. And so then the dementia told him, I believe that's what happened, that he couldn't walk anymore and he just stopped walking, stopped trying. So once that happened, I could no longer be his full time caregiver because it involved lifts and diaper changes and all the things that I was prepared to learn how to do. And then the social worker that I had kind of grabbed me and shook me by the shoulders and said, listen, you know, you could leave your career and become a nurse and take care of your father, but you have to ask yourself, what would your father prefer that you do? Would he prefer that you be his nursemaid or his daughter? And I said, his daughter. And would he want you to give up your dreams and your life to change diapers and transfer him from his bed to a chair? Would he want you to come and spend time with him and watch movies with him after all of that has been done by someone who is actually good at it? He said, no one will love your dad as much as you love your dad, but there are people that can care for your dad at this point better than you can. So why don't you show the love of a daughter and release your dad to the people that can actually care for him the way he needs it? So that was revelatory for me. That opened my eyes to the fact that me wanting to be superhuman and do everything for my dad was not the best for my dad. I hadn't even thought about whether it was the best for me, but I knew for sure at this juncture it was not the best for my dad. So that allowed me to release my hold. He's been in an amazing board in care with amazing caregivers for the last year. It's like 15 minutes from my house. I see him all the time. And it's nice to know that if I have to leave town for work or I'm working late, I'm not on the phone scrambling, like, who can get to Daddy? Or is Daddy okay? It's a sense of peace that I haven't had for, like, the last six or seven years. Is his dementia or his Alzheimer's has gotten worse?

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[Dr. Sharon]

So, Yvette, even when you've sort of made the decision that you want to care for your loved one in the house, you can't be there 24, 7.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

No.

[Dr. Sharon]

So how do you find someone, a caregiver to help you take care of your loved one?

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

You know, first of all, we're facing a crisis in America in regards to caregiving. I don't want to get political, and I will not get political on this podcast, but there have been things that have been put in place that are going to make a lot more people need care in homes. A lot of the nursing facilities will be closing. There's a Medicaid and Medicare. It's gonna be affected. And so that means a lot of people will no longer be able to get the help they need to be in a home. So that means more people will have to be in the home with family members. There's a lot of organizations. There's a Place for mom, place for mom, care.com, aI Jen Poo, who has this great organization called Caring Across Generations, they have a lot of resources, so there's a lot of resources to help you find where you can place your loved one. On my podcast, Squeeze, we try to share those resources, and we also, not to alarm people, but we try to explain what we're gonna be facing as a nation in the next few years and the crisis of care that is coming. We're gonna have to move back into communities. We're gonna have to move back into, you know, the nice lady down the street that, you know, who took care of kids when she was younger can now come over and help you with your mom or your dad. Like, you're gonna have to literally create a village to help you. I found again, going back to mptf, I found my social workers and the company that helped me find a great caregiver named Savannah that was with me and my dad when we were in the interim stages. When I was trying to find when he had first fallen and I was trying to find the right rehab facility for him and then the right boarding care for him later, Savannah was there to fill in the gap. So if I had to go to work, Savannah would come and sit with my dad. If I Had to go. If I was out of town, Savannah would go every day and stay with my dad at the rehab facility. So that was a great help. And that was found. That company that introduced me to Savannah was found through MPTF Motion Picture Television Fund. But there are a lot of places that will steer you in the right direction, and most of them are free. There's no cost for them to help you, you know, which is really great.

[Dr. Sharon]

And, you know, culturally, and I get it, most of us, you know, who've grown up and looking. Looking at parents and grandparents, and you realize that there's a certain amount. We don't have a model for that type of care because. And certainly in my family, when people got old, they would come and live with you. My grandfather lived with aunties, lived with us. But the difference was back in those days that people didn't live that long after a certain point, you know what I mean? So the notion that someone would be with you for that long, so it brings. For us, it's a certain amount of. There's guilt that's associated with thinking that somehow you failed your parents because you haven't been there for them. But what I wanna say is that the caregiving. And I think that the social worker that you talked to gave you the best advice ever.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

I agree.

[Dr. Sharon]

Because caregiving is two things. It's an act of love, which we all want to be able to share, but it's also a tremendous weight.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

It is.

[Dr. Sharon]

It's a weight on you. And, you know, I watched my oldest sister and her husband had. He was on dialysis, you know, and he had chronically, you know, health problems for years. And for the last five years of his life, she. I mean, she was there 24 7, you know, taking care of. Make sure. And he died at 61. And little over a year later, at 63, my sister died. Now, she was fine, you know, I mean, it wasn't as if she had.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

A problem, but it weighs on you.

[Dr. Sharon]

It does. It gets back to what I was talking about, that chronic stress of having to deal with that. And then, you know, you've got to at least keep that into mountain. I want everybody to realize that if you can. And again, if you can afford it. Because here's also the other part of that we can talk about. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, you should do this. Put them in a nice facility. But Alzheimer's and memory care units are expensive. They're incredibly expensive. And, you know, I was just doing a little research for that, and they said that the memory care centers run about $7,700 a month. And if you are in. And that's just sort of average. So, you know, it depends on where you live. LA. It may be more than that. And, you know, and that's why for a lot of families, putting them someplace where they can be safe and well cared for is sometimes not financially an option.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

I never wanted to put my dad or my mom in a home. My thought was, if they need me, I'm gonna be there for them. And I am grateful that I was able to take care of my dad for 11 and a half years and would still be caring for him now if I could. I. The. The guilt that's a part of it is unhealthy. And what I tell people all the time is that it's not feeling bad about not being able to do more when you're doing all that you humanly can is detrimental to your spirit. And it also doesn't help you when you're dealing with your caregiving. You know what I mean? The time that I spend with my dad is celebratory. It's restorative, it's peaceful, and I don't ever want to go in there. And I never went into his room apologizing because I had to go to work or whatever, and he never needed that from me. He said to me one time, one of the sweetest things he said to me and also one of the saddest things I heard him say is I don't even know what I was doing for him. I was doing something for him in the morning before I was going to work, and he said, yvette, how did you get this job? And I said, daddy, I applied. You know, I petitioned. I fought for this job. I will continue to fight for this job. And it's just the feeling that he could not grasp that I would want to feed him and bathe him and make sure he had as many viewings of the five heartbeats as I could get for him. His mind couldn't grasp it. And that. That was heartbreaking for me because why wouldn't I? You know what I mean? Like, you my dude, you my daddy. Of course I got your back in the best way, in any way that I. I can. I. I got him. You know, I. I was. The gift that the social worker gave me in that day is that he reminded me of what my dad would have said to me if my dad was able. If my dad was able, he would say that, don't you miss one thing for me. Don't you slow down. One thing for me, I'm going to be fine. He would say to me, what my mom used to she was alive. I didn't live my life. Girl, you didn't go on out there and do whatever you want to do. I'm good. That's how my parents were. They gave me everything I needed to fly, and then they expected me to fly. So taking a detour, as some would say, to care for my dad for 11 years was the best tough decision I've ever made, or the toughest, best decision I've ever made, which is the way I describe it. And I tried through my podcast Squeeze, which is all about caregiving and podcasts like this. And anytime I talk about caregiving, I try to encourage people to try it. Don't find out that someone's in trouble and just shuttle them off to some room or some facility to be cared for by people that don't love them the way you do. If you have the room and the space in your house, in your heart, bring them and you will find that you, you can do it. I did it knowing nothing. And it literally. You learn how to love, think about everybody that has kids. I don't have kids. But everyone that has kids, they're bringing that little baby home, they don't know what they're doing. And yet all of these humans survive. So we all figure out, you're hungry, you have to go to the bathroom, you need to go to bed. You learn how to care for someone. And so whether they're your 72 or 71 year old parent or your 7 week old child, you gonna figure it out. And so just figure it out and learn how to expand your heart to love more. That's what caregiving is, just loving.

[Dr. Sharon]

So I want to talk again a little bit more about how do you think it affected your. And again, eleven and a half years. And eleven and a half years, that's a long time. And do you think that caring for your father and I know this is what you wanted to do and this is your choice, but looking at it now, do you think that that had any effect on your health in those 11 and a half years?

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

You know, I won't know until I get whatever diagnosis is gonna, you know, find me in 10 years. I had diabetes before he came, so he didn't cause diabetes. I feel like being on the set of Community caused that. Cause I eat a lot of donuts on Community. Um, so. But everything else, you know, I can't blame high cholesterol on Daddy. Because I, I do enjoy a French fry. I enjoy a, a fried, a piece of potato that has been fried. So I can't even blame that on daddy. So I, I don't see, you know, I think the, the, the toll that it's taken on my body, stress wise, might be a bigger issue, you know, that I will stay focused on. But again, I say I wouldn't change a thing. So even if I do, I do have two or three less years to live because I cared for my dad. Take the years. It was the best decision I've ever made and I don't regret it.

[Dr. Sharon]

You are such a great daughter.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

I love my daddy and my mom.

[Dr. Sharon]

I love that. I love that.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

Good people. It was good people.

[Dr. Sharon]

So I want to know, what advice would you give families who are preparing for this? Let's just say, you know, you have even before, before something has happened.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

I got lots of advice. First thing, first thing, gotta get a durable power of attorney for financial things and for medical things. And you need to talk to your older parents, older aunts and uncles, whoever you are, who you might end up having to care for and let them know that it's not something that takes away their autonomy now. It's something that'll kick in only when needed. And when it's needed, you don't have time to go get paperwork or whatever, especially if it's dementia. There's certain things they can't sign after a certain point. So you have got to get their permission to care for them while they're still able to give you permission to do that. So that's first. Even beyond that, financially, when my dad came to live with me, the bank account I opened for him in California was with his and my name on it. I don't touch his money. But if something happens and I need to write a check or whatever, I don't have to try to figure out if he can still sign his name. I can sign a check myself because my name's on that account as well. So that's important too. Make sure you let your friends know what you're about to do so that you have a group of people that will check on you and send you a casserole. They still make casseroles, I'm so old. Send you something to nosh on when you need it, or they'll come over and sit with your caregiver when you need a break. Because even though I joke about not understanding what self care is, self care is necessary. So you still have to go get a massage Every now and again, stop by and get some coffee and sip some lemonade. Get your nails done, Go see a movie, go in a bookstore and sit down and read a book. Like there's. Or a library. There's certain things that you have to do that allow you to still feel like a functioning human being. There are some that exercise. I've heard that exercise is nice as well. So maybe go and take a walk somewhere or get on a treadmill. There's things that you need to do to make sure you remain okay. And then aside from that, just lean in and love your person.

[Dr. Sharon]

Yeah. And you know, in its truth. There's truth to what they say when they say you can't pour from an empty cup if you've got nothing. You know, how are you gonna give to someone else when you haven't taken care of yourself?

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

Absolutely.

[Dr. Sharon]

So I want to know what are you doing to take care of yourself now that we know all these things.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

And we've like absolutely nothing? You know what the greatest self care thing I did was marrying my husband, Tony. He is the most loving, caring human being on the planet. So as I am a caregiver to my dad, Tony is 100% a caregiver for me. So he brings me my tea in the morning. He cooks almost every meal that we eat. He helps me with my dad, he helps me with our dog Harley. So that has been finding a partner. Being blessed to find a partner has been a wonderful self care gift for myself. And I do, I am getting better at saying no to things. I'm heavily scheduled. I have this one day talking to you. This is my second podcast today that I'm doing. I also have a podcast I do myself. So I did tracking and, you know, recording the intros and outros for my own podcast. All of that was just a day. So I have to get to the point where I learn to say, let's block off this these three days. I don't do anything on these three days so that my mind can reset. So that's things like that that I am trying to learn to do for myself. But I haven't figured it out yet because you know, again, as a caregiver, you're so focused on the other person, and rightfully so. Same thing with parents. You know these you ask, ask a parent of a newborn or a toddler how much they've slept, was the last good meal they had or the last massage they had. They can't tell you because they're so focused on the other person. So it's not great, but it's what we do.

[Dr. Sharon]

So what brings you joy? What fills your cup?

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

You know, knowing that I did. Did well by my dad and my mom makes me very happy. I. I've always lived my life trying to get that well done from God on the last. On my last moment, I want to get up there and he go, you did it. You did it, Eyvette. Come on in. So I'm trying to get that. And so every decision that I make, how I move through life, how I treat people, how I carry myself, is all lined up in wanting to be an asset, not a liability. So what brings me joy is knowing that I can look back on my life and know that I never stabbed anybody in the back. I've never stepped on anybody to get ahead. And I honored my mother and father. That brings me great joy. I already said Tony and my dog bring me joy. Building Lego brings me joy. Celebrating other people and their wins brings me joy. A good, good night's sleep. I'm a simple girl. I'm a kid from East Cleveland. Simple things give me, you know, some good lemonade and a good night's rest and a hug from Tony, and I'm pretty much golden.

[Dr. Sharon]

Well, this is fantastic. And Yvette, I cannot thank you enough for sharing your story. And I hope that your story will not only inspire others, but also give them the encouragement and resources that they need. So, you know, we are all gonna be in this spot one way or the other. But the one thing I always say, though, I have, you say you don't have kids. And I say this to my friends who have, who don't have children. I said, okay, well, I have three. Okay.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

You never know.

[Dr. Sharon]

If you see me and I'm in one of their houses, you just have to say, something terribly went wrong with Sharon Black.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

Cause you're gonna do what you gotta do to not be there, too.

[Dr. Sharon]

Yeah, that' My plan is to not do that and to kind of take care. So all of these sort of Alzheimer's and cardiovascular prevention tips that we're leaving you with, just know that you want to be good until you're not. And please know that, you know, you don't have to just leave it up to fate to know whether or not that's gonna happen.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

So can I. Can I plug squeezed one more time? We have a season two coming up. I'm in the process right now of recording my interviews and, and all the intros and outros. It's gonna be a great season one of the Things that we're gonna talk about that I think might be really interesting. Cause we didn't talk about in the first season is what happens when you're a caregiver for a parent that wasn't there for you and what that does to your psyche, which I think is important, because like you said just a second ago, before we leave here, each of us will either be a caregiver or a caregiver. That's just the way the statistics are gonna play out. So that means there's a chance that you're gonna be taking care of someone that maybe you're not that close to, and maybe somebody's gonna be taking care of you that you're not that not that close to you. How do you navigate that? Especially if there's some feelings involved? So that's one side of it. And then we're gonna talk to a couple of people we talked to last season, and it's really gonna be another great opportunity for people to find out more about what it means to be a caregiver.

[Dr. Sharon]

Wonderful. Thank you for being here, Yvette. And look. And we had a black lady podcast.

[Yvette Nicole Brown]

Yes, we did. Clap, clap. We sure did.

[Dr. Sharon]

Okay, so we've reached the part of the podcast where I give my doctor's orders. Number one, genetics is not destiny. Anywhere from 30 to 50% of dementia cases are preventable. So start your Alzheimer's and dementia prevention now. Number two, preparation makes the hard moments less overwhelming. Do the work ahead of time, get your paperwork, powers of attorney, access to financial information, and even do not resuscitate orders. Get them on record and have those tough conversations. Number three, self care is survival, not selfishness. Taking care of yourself is what allows you to keep showing up for others. Alzheimer's is a family issue, and caregiving is one of the hardest, most loving things we can do. With planning, support, and self care, no one has to face this journey alone. Keep joining each week on YouTube or wherever you find your podcasts as I break down medical topics and leave you with expert advice. If you enjoyed the show, follow us so you never miss an episode. If you like what you hear, leave a review until next week. Take care.