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Now, let's see. Suspect, suspect, suspend. Ah, here we are. Suspense, the condition of mental uncertainty, usually accompanied by apprehension or anxiety. Fear of something which is about to occur as do not keep me any longer in suspense. Hello and welcome to Stars on Suspense with another Hollywood legend in radio's outstanding theater of Thrills. Our leading lady this week is Lee Patrick, the stage and screen star who may be best known to classic movie fans as Effie Perrine, Sam Spade's loyal secretary in the Maltese Falcon. She had great success on Broadway in dramas and comedies, and she soon became a reliable character actress in movies through the 40s. Along with the Maltese Falcon, she appeared in Now Voyager, Mildred Pierce and more. On the small screen, she co starred with Leo G. Carroll in the sitcom adaptation of the ghostly comedy Topper, a series that ran for two seasons in the mid-50s before she retired in the early 60s, she came back to Hollywood for one final role, a performance that harkened back to one of her best known when she once again played Effie, but this time opposite George Siegel's Sam Spade in the Black Bird, a 1975 comedy version of the Maltese Falcon. Today we'll Hear Lee Patrick's two starring turns on suspense, beginning with Just One Happy Little Family. Originally aired on CBS on April 6, 1958. We'll hear an Armed Forces Radio Service rebroadcast. It's a two hander with bandleader Ray Noble as the two play newlyweds who learn some crucial information about each other after they say I do. It turns out both have a history of bumping off their spouses and neither has any money. So they decide to join forces and invite in a boarder, a wealthy one who they'll get rid of and collect more than the monthly rent check. This one's a great dark comedy with terrific performances from Lee Patrick and Ray Noble as the couple who discover they share a passion for crime. Then we'll hear My dear niece from November 16, 1958. This script, which was written by longtime suspense producer and director Elliot Lewis, was previously presented on the program back in 1946 with Dame Mae Witty in the lead role. In this version, Lee Patrick stars as a widow who takes on a part time job and gets more than she bargained for in the process. She answers an ad for a publishing company who wants her to take in a writer, a man who will use her quiet house to get some work done. When the man arrives, she discovers there's a lot more to the story. The cast includes Barry Kroger, who we heard on last week's episode of the podcast, along with Jack Krushen. And finally, we'll hear Lee Patrick recreate one of her celebrated Broadway roles alongside Orson Welles and Jack Benny as the Campbell Playhouse presents June Moon. This adaptation originally aired on CBS on March 24, 1940, and it finds Patrick reprising the character she played over 3, 300 times on the stage. The play by George S. Kaufman and Ring Lardner, centers on Fred Stevens, an aspiring songwriter who hopes to make it big. He falls for a woman on his train to New York, but he's later drawn to the glamorous sister of his composer partner, a gal played by Lee Patrick. But first, it's wedding bells, bells that may soon be followed by a funeral march from Lee Patrick and Ray Noble. We'll kick things off with just one happy little family right after these messages. Here's sensational news for shavers a terrific money saving offer on Colgate Shave Cream and Ever Sharp Injector Razor. Listen for only $0.89, Colgate offers you one a genuine ever Sharp Injector razor whose retail value alone is $1, 2 an injector with 10 blades and 3 a large size tube of Colgate Shave Cream, either Colgate Brushless or Colgate Lather. And you get all this for only $0.89. Right men, here's your chance to get the ideal shaving combination at tremendous savings. Imagine, only $0.89 buys you a genuine Ever Sharp shicked injector razor, the world's only razor that changes blades automatically. As Bill said it, its retail value alone is $1. You also get an injector with 10 super keen super smooth Ever sharp Schick blades, retail value $0.49. And to top it all, there's a large size tube of Colgate Shave Cream. Take your choice Colgate Brushless or Colgate Lather. In one combination package. You get everything you need for swift, smooth, comfortable shaves. And it costs you only $0.89. Yes sir. Colgate offers this outstanding bargain to prove that no cream tops Colgate Brushless or Colg Lather for shaves that are slick, sweet and free of razor scrape. Whether you prefer a brush and you try Colgate Rapid Shave Cream or you choose the convenience of Colgate Brushless. You'll find this because they're light and finer textured, Colgate Shave Creams completely surround, soften and support each bristle better than greasy heavy creams. Your razor doesn't skid or slip, but when you use Colgate Brushless, it cuts through clean and smooth. Try it tonight from coast to coast, Ford owners agree the big new Ford brings you more for your money. More in comfort, more in performance and more in economy. But only through personal experience can you appreciate the restful ease of Ford's famous midship ride and the luxurious comfort of Ford's non sag foam rubber cushion front seat. Only by driving this great car can you enjoy its smooth power and solid roadability. And only by getting the facts about Ford's economy can you understand that so powerful, so smooth riding and so beautiful a car can cost so little to buy, to run and to maintain. Find out how much it saves you. Yes, before you buy any car at any price, it will pay you to stop by your local Ford dealers, take the wheel of the 100 horsepower V8 or its companion in quality, the 95 horsepower 6. Once you've driven it, you'll agree the new Ford is the one truly fine car in the low price field. To every woman listening tonight, I want to say a special word about making every dinner or supper you serve taste better. I want to urge you to start serving Roma wine with your meals. It's simple, the cost is very, very little and it works magic in making food more enjoyable. You can serve Roma wine with any meal or any time in any kind of glass you wish. Serve it chilled, Try different kinds of Roma wine until you find those you enjoy most of all. Try hearty red Roma California Burgundy or the delicately delicious Roma California Sauterne. The cost is mere pennies a glassful, but you'll find even a pickup supper tastes like a banquet. Get Roma wines today and if your dealer is temporarily out of them, please try again soon. Just ask for R O M A Roma Wines, America's largest selling wines made in California for enjoyment throughout the world. And now a tale well calculated to keep you in suspense. Suspense. And the producer of radio's outstanding theater of thrills, the master of mystery and adventure, William N. Robeson. It is with pride and humility that we accept the opinion of you, the listener who have voted suspense the best dramatic show of the year. Now to the upcoming story. A gentle story of three gentle people with modest murder in their hearts and quiet greed in their souls. Sort of people you are apt to run into almost any place at almost any time. Listen. Listen then, as Ray noble stars with Ms. Lee Patrick in Just One Happy Little family, which begins in exactly one minute. Memo on medals. Information you may not know about our military decorations. One of the most famous holders of the Silver Star was General John J. Pershing. He was awarded the Medal in recognition of service during the Philippine campaign before he went on to greater fame as commander in Chief of the American Expeditionary Forces in World War I. Bestowing a trophy of honor in recognition of distinguished achievement goes back to the early days of civilized man. Probably the oldest record of a decoration is a wreath of laurel which was used to crown winners of athletic contests in ancient Greece. It is interesting to note that versions of the laurel wreath appear even today on many modern medals of various nations. In the United States Navy, it is a tradition to award bonus points for advancement and rating based on medals and citations. For example, five extra points are given to winners of the Medal of Honor as unique accolades for valor and superior service. Medals symbolize our nation's recognition of individual dedication to the cause of freedom. And now just One Happy Little Family. Starring Ray Noble with Ms. Lee Patrick. A tale well calculated to keep you in suspense. What a fitting gesture. Now come sit in the parlor, Mr. Duncle, and catch your breath. Yes, thank you. I believe I will. After all, one doesn't carry a bride over the threshold every day. My dear Victoria. And certainly never as lovely a one as you can way. Oh, this beautiful parlor. So elegant it was. My dear departed favorite rooms. Victoria, we are indeed fortunate to find each other. You alone in this big house and me alone with. With no house. It does work out nicely, doesn't it? With your money in my house, we should be able to. What was it the lady said at the Cupid Lair? Friendship Tub, I guess. Send our scold in here together. How well she pussy. Poor thing. You must be tired. Let me fix you a nice cup of tea. Good idea. My wife Jane, rest her soul, used to say it was just the thing to perk a person up. We'll just sit and rest. I won't see a minute. Is it Duncan? Tiny dream. Dark healing pickle. Pilan mint. Now, what does all that mean? Said tea. Which kind would you like? Oh, oh, just plain tea. We'll be fine. All right. What a lot of bottles and jars, all of these. Tea? Oh, heavens no. They're herbs and things. I'm an herb expert, you know. No, I just. It's a sort of a hobby with me. Here we are. Ah, it won't be a minute. Well, you have quite a collection here. New skin. Now what's that used for? It's mostly for love potions, but sometimes I use it for dreams. Soft glen hemlock, arsenic, strychnine. Victoria, aren't these dangerous to have around? Of course not. You just have to know how to use them. What? Strychnine and arsenic. These aren't earth. Oh, don't you give it another thought. I told you, I'm an expert. Now come along. We'll have tea in the parlor. Victoria, my dear, that was delicious tea. Thank you, Mr. Duncle. Now I'm sure you would like to unpack and get settled. After all, this is your home too. Now, what's mine is yours and what's yours and mine. Yes, my dear, the two of us are one. Until death do us part. Please, Mr. Duncle, let us not talk about things like that. Oh, I'm sorry, Victoria, but one must be prepared to face facts. I think we should make our wills as soon as possible. I have a confession to make, Mr. Ducal. I already had my lawyer take care of it. He'll bring the papers for us to sign tomorrow. Ah, my dear Victoria, you think of everything. I try to, my dear. Now, shall we get unpacked? All right. Oh, don't try to carry too many relievers at once, Mr. Duncan O'Stairs or Steve. Very well, Victoria. I'll just take this large one first. And I'll carry this little black one. No, no, no, not that one. I'll take it. Oh, I can manage. What a vicious looking lot of lives. Are they yours? Of course they're mine. What on earth are you doing with them? Well, when I retired I just couldn't part with them. They were my favorite. Might I ask what your position was before you retire? I thought I told you I was a butcher. Butcher? Yes. My wife Mary, rest her soul, used to say that I was the most distinguished butcher in town. Didn't you say your wife's name was Jane? Jane? Why, it was Mary Jane. Yes, that was it. Mary Jane. A wonderful woman. Mr. Dunkle, you'll find the guest room at the head of the stair. Guest room? But Victoria, the two of us are one. Not tonight, Mr. Dunkle. My door will be locked. Locked? Locked. And it will remain locked until the lawyer comes tomorrow. Good night, Mr. Dunkle. There we are. All signed and sealed. What is his is yours and what is yours is his. And vice versa. I'm GLAD it's over, Mr. Allardice. I think Wills is so depressing. Yes, but. So we are storing, my dear. Yes, I suppose we are. And now if you'll excuse me, I'll see to the sea. Well, Duncan, I must say you are to be congratulated. You have a fine woman for a wife. Yes, a fine woman, Duncle. Make her happy. You can do it. She's had such A sad life. Losing her husband one after the other. Husband? Yes. Poor woman. All seven? Every one as count is a dollar at 13. And then one by one, gone. It's been so hard on her. And now with this house mortgage to the hilt. Morgid. Dunle. What's the matter? Are you ill? Dunle. Victoria, quick. I think Mr. Dunle has fainted. In a moment we continue with the second act of suspense. Another visit with Joe and Daphne Forsyth. Overhead the moon is sing. Oh, hi, Joe. Guess what, honey? I'm trying out for the operetta. As what? A singer? You could have fooled me. I was just practicing one of the songs. Well, I don't think you quite finished. Why not? Well, if this version of the Student Prince is like the version I know, that particular number is sung by a tenor. Oh, my picture don't come close. But I think you better stick to being a housewife. But I want to be a singer. Daphne, honey, a singer you'll never be. I could take lessons. Yeah, but lessons cost money. Money better invested for us in savings bonds. You and your old savings bond. I can't help it, honey. I just can't get over the way those savings bonds pay off. $4 for every three. That's what I call an investment. What good do they do me now? A lot. The money we put in those bonds. Every payday helps keep America strong and protects you and me. No bonds, maybe no operetta. Ever think of that? I still want to be a singer. Well, when those bonds start bringing in the green. If you still want to sing, they'll pay for the lessons and more. Good. Gee, if those bonds mature as fact. As you say, I better start practicing now. Just so that I'll be ready. Overhead the moon is zee. Daphne. Daphne. Did anyone ever tell you you have a bad voice? Everyone. And now, starring Ray Noble with Ms. Lee Pantrick. Act two of just one happy little family. Mr. Duncle, why are you looking at me so strangely? Why didn't you tell me this house was mortgaged? It's only a little secret. Mortgage? Why didn't you tell me about your being married before? About my dear departed husband? No, about your dear departed husband. Oh, let's not talk about them. We have each other now. For our golden years. Let us forget the past. How familiar that sounds. Sylvia rests her soul. Always said it was better to forget the past. Who is Sylvia? Well, she was my wife. A wonderful woman. But you said your wife's name was Jane. Then she was Mary and now Sylvia. Don't tell me her name was Mary Jane. Sylvia. Not quite. It was like this. Mr. Duncle, how many wives have you had? Four. And where are they now? They passed on. Oh, how could you? But you've had seven husbands, right? All right, Mr. Duncker, let's not quite quarrel. Let us live for the future. Maybe there is a little second mortgage on the house. But with your retirement money. Victoria, my dear, there is something you should know about my retirement. What about it? You are retired, aren't you? Yes. Well, not exactly retired. I'm bankrupt. Bankrupt? Then you don't have any money? Not a penny, I'm sorry to say. Oh, this is a terrible blow to me. I had such plans. I imagine you did. Involving arsonists and strychnine and me. Now, Mr. Dunkle, confess. Didn't you plan to carve me up like Apocalypse? Well, just because you prefer arsenic is no reason to berate me. Arsenic is neat and tidy, certain. That's like the mess you must make. I beg your pardon? I told you I'm a first class butcher. I'm sure you are, Mr. Duncle. And that gives me an idea. What kind of an idea? I have an idea we might make a good team. A team? Yes. We both need money. And since we're both rather expert, why not work together? On whom? We can place an advertisement into papers and rent the guest room. It might work at that. There's plenty of room in the cellar. And the flower garden is nice and soft. Hardly any work to pick it up. Victoria, I think it's a splendid idea. Then we'd better advertise at once the there is a mortgage payment due. I don't know, Victoria. Five Africans so far and not a one had any money. And even worse, most of them had relatives here in the city. Oh, have patience, Mr. Dunle. We'll sign someone, see. Don't give up the ship. Mr. Dunle. Yes. You're both just as I knew you would be. So sweet, neat and saintly. You must have the wrong house, child. But I can't have. Oh, I hurried so I did so want to be the first one here. I just know it's what I'm looking for. What is? The room. The advertisement in the paper says you had that. Why didn't you say so? Do come in, child. Thank you. Oh, it's so beautiful in here. But your name? Golden. Golden Link. Golden Link. Oh, what a lovely sound. May I have the room? May I? Please? I have money. Lots of it. Right here in my purse. I show you. I keep it tied up in this Hand kitchen. That is a lot of money. Aren't you afraid of losing it? Goodness, no. And besides, I can get much more at home. Ah, you have a home and a family, I suppose. I don't have a family. My daddy and mommy went to heaven together. And I was so lonely in that big house. A big house? Oh, very big. Here, I have a picture of it in my purse. See? That is a big house. It must have 41. I think there are 52. And you have no relatives? No, I'm all by myself. Poor dear. What every girl needs. A family. Family. I want one more than anything. Oh, please let me stay. I could be so happy here. Of course you can stay. You're just the kind of dear person we were hoping for. Sit right on. Come on, Mr. Duncle, your breakfast is on the table. Golden Link will be down in a minute. Do you have everything ready? Oh, yes, right here. All mixed with a hot chocolate. I got the recipe from a very old witch's handbook, but I've never tried it before. I do hope it works. I hope so too, my dear. I can't think of any other way to get her power of attorney. Mr. Duncle, are you sure it will be legal? Of course. The same thing worked with Sylvia. Or was it Mary Jane? Amanda, let's do. Be careful. Golden Lake is such a sensitive girl. I couldn't bear to hurt her feelings. You have grown fond of her in these two weeks she's been with us, haven't you, my dear? I really have. I don't know what it is, but something butter reminds me of myself when I was a girl. It's just like having a daughter. Did you find her a nice spot in the garden? I know, but it's all too rocky. Just like our own daughter. And we have to put her in that awful cellar. The garden would be so much nicer. She loves flowers so. Good morning, Daddy Dunkle and Mommy Dunkle. Sit down, dear. I have a lovely surprise for you. Here. I made a decision for you. Oh, chocolate. What a heavenly idea. You do so me much for me. Drink it while it's hot. It's delicious. So different tasting. The recipe is quite old. Oh, that's good. Oh, making me so sleepy. It certainly works quickly. Doesn't it, though? Now we'll make sure of a Golden Link. Golden Mink. Can you hear me, child? I hear you. Now, Golden Mink, I want you to do something for me. It's very simple. I want you to write your name on this piece of paper. Yes, Mommy Dunkle. Whatever you say there. Here you are, Mr. Duncle. All signed. Amazing Victoria. But how are you going to bring her out of the trance? Simple. All potions have a counter potion. Here, golden mink, my dear, drink some more chocolate. It will be good for you. Yes, mommy. Dunko golden dink. Was the chocolate good? Oh, yes, it was wonderful. Such a nice, nice change from te. You. You are all right? Of course. I feel wonderful. So wonderful that I think I'll compose some poetry today. Maybe a sonnet. Yes, that's what I'll do. I'll write a sonnet about my little family. Another one? You must have written it too. D. Oh, I never get tired of writing about my little. Well, Victoria, now that the paper is signed, I'll get my things ready. I suppose you'd better. I must say, it'll feel good to slip into a white coat again. If only I hadn't thrown away my straw hat in a moment. We continue with the third act of Titus Banks. We have together ample capacity and freedom to defend freedom. This is NATO, the North Atlantic Treaty Organization. Day after day, month after month, since April 4, 1949, the activities of the North Atlantic Treaty Organization have moved steadily forward on many fronts. This complete cooperation must and will continue because the concept of national self sufficiency is out of date. Countries of the free world are interdependent and only in genuine partnership. And by combining their resources sharing tasks in many fields can progress and safety be found. The United States of America is a part of NATO. You should be aware of and alert to the objectives and programs of the North Atlantic Treaty Organization. And now, starring Ray Noble with Ms. Lee Patrick, act three of just one happy little family. Oh, Mr. Drunken, must you do that? That stamp has my feet on edge. These knives have to be razor sharp, my dear. A point of professional pride with me. I'll be ready in a minute. Oh, surely you're not thinking of doing it now. May as well. But she's lighting the sun. It's too honest. Can't it wait just a while longer before we send her away? I suppose so. After tea time then. Golden Link does so like tea time and I hate to disappoint her. Oh, very well. Oh, I can't bear to say her. Listen. But I did this sound. Oh, Golden Mc. Child, why are you standing here by the door? I wanted you to hear my sonny. Oh, of course, my dear. Let me see what you've written so far. A silver sunshine cabbage and the blue and purple roses bend you. But it's not finished, child. I Can't think. Not now. I don't feel well. Mommy, don't. Oh, you poor dear. Why don't you go rest in your room and maybe you'll think of something. Yes, I'll do that. Maybe by tea time I'll think of something. Golden Link. But a lovely surprise. You're making tea for us. But you're not having any. No. I did so love the chocolate you made this morning. I decided to have it again and sort of ch. But it doesn't have the flavor yours has. No, I imagine not. These chili sandwiches are just the way I like them, all sprinkled with sugar. Here, Daddy Duno, have another. I believe I will. It's truly delicious. I. I enjoy jelly sandwiches with my. My tea. Mr. Uncle. What's the matter? Do you have a touch of indigestion? It's not indigestion. He's dead. Dead? Don't be ridiculous, child. Why should he be dead? I poisoned him. You poisoned him? Oh, yes. I hope you're not angry that I use so many of your herbs. Golden Link, how could you? You were going to get rid of me. That's why I had to put some of your herbs in the sandwiches and tea. That's the key. But I drank it too. Yes, I know. You've got to help me get the antidote. Oh, I don't think there is one, Mommy Dunkle, your little recipe book didn't have one for hemlock. Hemlock? Oh, you're right. There is no antidote. What's done? Done? Oh, why did you do it, child? You were planning to send me away. I want you. My mommy and daddy were gonna send me away too. They didn't love me either. But I showed them how much I loved them. I sent them to heaven together, just like you and Daddy Donko. And poisoned him? Goodness, no. I used an axe. This is the first time I've ever poisoned anyone. You think I didn't want to go to that big house? I didn't like it. Most of the time they kept me locked in a room. But I got away. And we thought you were rich. I am. Oh, yes. A nice old man who lives in the big house gave me the money. He's got lots and lots of it. General Robert E. Lee gave it to him personally. Oh, Golden Link, child. No wonder you remind me of myself when I was a village. Oh, don't worry, Mommy Duncle. Now that you and Daddy Duncle have gone to heaven, I'll have to find another family to love. But I'll find One. I'm sure there are lots and lots of people who would like to have a daughter like me. Suspense. In which Mr. Ray Noble starred with Ms. Lee Patrick in William and Robeson's production of Just One Happy Little Family, an original radio play by John Thornton. Supporting Mr. Noble and Ms. Patrick in just One Happy Little Family were Shirley Mitchell and David Shiner. Listen. Listen again next week when we return with another tale well calculated to keep you in suspense. Sa and the producer of radio's outstanding theater of thrills, the master of mystery and adventure, William N. Robeson. Mrs. Rogers was the kind of a lady to whom nothing ever happens. A quiet widow living in a quiet town among quiet friends. But dear Mrs. Rogers hardly expected to become involved in murder when she put that innocent little classified ad in the evening paper. Things weren't that quiet. Listen. Listen. Then, as Ms. Lee Patrick stars in My Dear Niece, which begins in just a moment. Welcome William Bendix. Nobody can act up to par with a nasty cold. I check my cold distress the fast way with four way cold tablets. Yes, tests of four leading cold tablets proved four way fastest acting of all. Amazing. Four way starts in minutes to relieve aches, pains, headache, reduce fever, calm upset stomach. Also overcomes irregularity. Four way is the fast way to relieve those cold miseries. Then you feel better quickly. Four way cold tablets, only 29 and 59 cents. Here's a word about another fine product of Grove Laboratories. Yes, you can get rid of embarrassing dandruff while you improve the appearance of your hair with Fitch Dandruff Remover Shampoo. Its special dandruff removing lather reaches right down to the scalp. Gently, thoroughly, so effective it's guaranteed to remove itchy dandruff with just one lathering. And yet Fitch can brighten your hair. Actually make it as much as 35% brighter. See shining highlights you didn't even know were there. But remember this about Fitch Shampoo. It positively removes dandruff as it definitely acts to brighten your hair. Use it regularly. And now, My Dear Niece, starring Lee Patrick, a tale well calculated to keep you in suspense. My dear niece, I'm writing you this letter in explanation of certain recent actions of mine about which you are probably curious. You will recall that it was upon your advice that I placed the advertisement in our local paper. And you will probably recall its text. Widowed woman, genteel, some secretarial experience. Drives own car. Desires position of interest with reliable business. House address, Mrs. Emily Rogers, box 2B. Or phone, Hilton 22412. Hello? Mrs. Emily Rogers, please. This is she speaking. I'm calling about the ad you ran in yesterday's paper. Oh, yes. I think I can offer you a position you'd be interested in, Mrs. Rogers. My name is Bruce. Yes, Mr. Bruce. We're a very small publishing house, Mrs. Rogers, and we need someone to take care of any of the contacts we might wish to make in your part of the country. Oh, you aren't from Hilton, then? No, our offices are in Los Angeles. We'd pay you $50 a week providing you could use your home as an office, although there wouldn't be much office work required. And as I say, the position primarily would be one of establishing contacts. It sounds fine, Mr. Bruce. It sounds fine, Mr. Bruce. Good. Then consider yourself under salary, beginning immediately. Mrs. Rogers. I'll phone you again as soon as there's something more definite for you to do. And that's how I got the job. I assumed, naturally, that I would immediately receive instructions from Mr. Bruce as to how I should go about establishing contact. But the first word I had after the telephone conversation was when the postman arrived the next Saturday with an envelope for me containing a check for $50. There was no return address on the envelope and the check was a personal one bearing no company name. It was signed R.L. bruce. Three weeks went by in this fashion. Each Saturday I would receive the $50 check in the mail, and I began to wonder what I was being paid for. When at last I heard from Mr. Bruce, I have your first assignment for you, Mrs. Rogers. I was beginning to wonder, Mr. Bruce. Getting impatient, were you? Well, this will keep you busy for a while. Really? Mr. Paul Stevens will arrive in Hilton this afternoon. He's one of our most promising new authors. Mr. Stevens has some rewriting to do on a novel we plan to publish in a few months. Too many people interrupt him here in Los Angeles. I wonder, could you put him up at your home until he finishes? Why, I don't know. There'll be no bother, Mrs. Rogers. He has an awful lot of work to do. Well, yes, I suppose I could. That's fine. It's just a place for him to get away. Oh, one more thing. Yes? Just so we're sure he's not bothered, don't tell anyone he's staying with you. When a cloud bursts and fresh, clean rain falls on a grove of rose rich green pine, it's mmm, so nice. And now that same clean scent of pine is in new pine scented Lysol right now. The one and only genuine Lysol brand Disinfectant comes in a new pine scent. It disinfects, deodorizes as nothing else does, kills disease germs on contact. In laboratory tests, Lys Lysol's anti germ action kept working for seven full days. A bottle costs as little as 29 cents and it's so easy to use. Just add new pine scented Lysol to your suds. When you clean in bathroom, kitchen, nursery, sick room, use pine scented Lysol because Lysol deep cleans make your home pine sweet and Lysol clean. You can still get regular Lysol too. And now, starring Lee Patrick, Act 2 of My Dear Niece. And that's all I knew of the job. My dear niece. Mr. Paul Stevens would phone me when he arrived at Hilton and I was to let him stay at my home until he had finished a novel he was writing. It seemed ridiculously easy, but at least I would be doing something for my pay. It was quite late in the afternoon, almost 5:00, when the telephone rang. Hello? Mrs. Rogers? This is Mrs. Rogers. This is Paul Stevens. Mrs. Rogers. Oh, yes, Mr. Stevens. I've been expecting your call. I wonder if you could pick me up. Of course. Oh, that's very kind of you. Where are you? I'm at the corner of. Just a minute. The corner of Brookside and Sierra Madre. Fine. The corner of Brookside and Sierra Madre. I'll be driving a black Buick coupe. Black Buick coupe. Be waiting. Bye. Goodbye, Mr. Stevens. When I arrived at the corner of Brookside and Sierra Madre, the usually quiet intersection was filled with people and an ambulance was just pulling away. For all I knew, Mr. Stevens could be in it. Then I saw Officer Barnes in the police car. He would know. Oh, good afternoon, Mrs. Rogers. What happened? Hit and run. Accident a few minutes ago. Who was hit? Man about 35. No identification yet. Was he badly hurt? He's dead. Oh, how awful. Yeah, well, I was supposed to meet someone, a gentleman here, a Mr. Paul Stevens. I'll be glad to call you when we get an identification on him. Would you? I'd be very grateful. I went slowly back to where I had parked. I was confused and frightened a little that the hit and run victim might be Paul Stevens. And if so, how could I get in touch with Mr. Bruce to tell him what had happened to his young author? And then, just as I started my car, I heard someone tapping on the window. Yes? Mrs. Rogers? Yes. I'm sorry to have kept you waiting. I'm Paul Stevens. Mr. Stevens, I'm so relieved Please get in. The accident upset me. I was afraid for a minute it was you. It wasn't me. Please get in. Thank you. I tried making conversation with Mr. Stevens on the drive home, but he seemed tired and not inclined to talk. And so we drove quietly back to my house. We went inside and I showed Mr. Stevens to his room and then went into the living room to tidy up. The telephone rang as I was setting out some ashtrays. Hello? Hello, Mrs. Rogers? This is Officer Barnes. Oh, yes, Officer. I'm glad you called. I wanted to tell you that I'm. I received an identification for you. Yes, well, that's what I wanted to tell you, officer. His name was Paul Stevens, all right. Oh, we had a flyer on him. That's how he knew he was wanted for a payroll robbery in la. And he wasn't hit by a car. He was thrown from a car. He was murdered. I stood there, frozen with fear, the telephone receiver in my hand, looking at the door to the hallway where the man who had called himself Paul Stevens stood smiling tightly, holding a gun in his hand. A gun that was pointed right at me. Often on Thanksgiving we're inclined to eat too much. And the result. Well, acid indigestion can very quickly spoil a pleasant holiday. So remember this doodle you know about the little white tablets in the little green flower pocket roll Just a waiting for the moment when you need them to bring your acid indigestion under control. TUMS are the little white tablets in the little green pocket roll. TUMS for the tummy. T U M S bring relief quicker than you'd ever guess. Best for any kind. Kind of acid distress. Keep them handy in the pocket row. Keep your tummy under Tums control. Get Tums 10 cents three roll pack, a quarter or get the new six roll pack with free metal carrier only 49 cents. And now, starring Lee Patrick, act three of My Dear Niece. Have you any idea, my dear niece, what you do when a man points a gun at you? Well, I'll tell you. You do what he tells you to do. I hung up the phone. Sit down. I sat down and I said, who are you? Why did you pretend to be Mr. Stevens? I'm stupid. What? I didn't think they would find out who he was. I didn't know he was hot. You killed him. Yes. I killed Paul Stevens. What? I run a very special kind of publishing business, Mrs. Rogers. That much of the story was on the level. I print well pornographic books for a very special clientele. Mr. Stevens somehow got hold of a list of my customers and threatened to use it for blackmail. So I killed him. You horrid man. Get your coat on, Mrs. Rogers. You've got some more driving to do. He made me drive him to a restaurant on the highway out on the other side of town. A place with quite a bad reputation. All the while I was trying to remember who he was. I say remember because there was something familiar about him. But what that something was, I. I couldn't for the life of me think. There. There was hardly anyone in the restaurant since it was not yet dinner time. We'd just been seated at a table when a dark complexioned man slid into the seat next to the man who wasn't Mr. Stevens. What are you doing here? I had to come. It didn't work. They found out who he was. Why don't you stay where you were supposed to? She knows I'm not Stevens. A cop told her. You could stay at a house anyway, couldn't you? Do you have to come out where you can be picked up? Al, look. Listen. What's the matter with you? Mary figures out a foolproof way for you to get rid of a guy and hide out right under the cops noses and you go louse up the whole deal. It's not loused up yet. It will be if you don't get away quick. Maybe. Oh, I. I don't think you've met Mrs. Rogers. Mrs. Rogers, this is Mr. Al Newholt who owns this place. Hi. How'd it do? Look, how'd the cops find out who he was? How? He was hot. They had pictures and prints on him. I dumped him on the corner just before I met her. Now I remember. You're Mr. Bruce. He did the payroll. Janet. What'd you say? He's Mr. Bruce, the man who offered me the job on the phone and asked me to look after Mr. Stevens. That's right, Mrs. Rogers. How did you know? Your voice. I thought there was something familiar about you and now I know your voice. Al, what are we going to do? The cops know the stiffest Stevens. And she knows who I am. What do we do now? Don't panic. And you get out of here. But I need your help, Al. You're on your own, buddy. And you better get out of here before the dinner crown comes in and somebody maybe recognizes you. Okay, Al. So you won't help me? I can't. Don't you see that? Yeah, sure. Okay. Let's go, Mrs. Rogers. Where? Back to your house. Start all over again after that. I'm not sure, but I may have to kill you. Of all baby filters cigarettes Kent filters best Kent filters best it makes good sense when you smoke Kent gents filters best all other brands of cigarettes can't taste the best can taste the best Oranger tastes and all the rest can't filter best it makes good sense when you smoke it. Of all leading filter cigarettes Chance filter best. And now, starring Lee Patrick, Act 4 of My Dear Niece. You may well imagine my fright, my dear niece, as I drove back through town with this bloodthirsty man at my side. My car is not new, as you know, and although I often have trouble with it, I never before had the horn stick. But that night it stuck right on the corner of Brookside in Sierra Madre. Stop blowing your horn. Sorry, Mr. Bruce. I'm not blowing my horn. It's gotten stuck. All right, stop the car. You stay there. Don't try to drive away, see? Yes, I see. Let's get out of here. You got the horn fixed, Mrs. Rogers? Who's that? Oh, good evening, Mrs. Rogers. Tell him everything's all right. Want me to fix that horn for you? No, thank you, Mr. Myers. It's all right. Well, it'll only take me a second to fix it so you can use it. Never mind. Mr. Myers. This is Mr. Paul Stevens. How are you, sir? I see you pull them wires to stop the horn. I usually take care of Mrs. Rogers car myself. Makes me feel funny when something goes wrong with it, you know. Of course. I'll bring it in in the morning, Mr. Myers. No sense you're bothering, Mrs. Rogers. I'll go along with you now if you like. Take you home. Not safe driving without a horn. Won't take long to fix it. And I'll have the car back to you first thing in the morning. I believe you said you wanted to show me the town this evening, Mrs. Rogers. Wouldn't you need the car? Well, I was looking forward to the drive. You don't mind? No. Of course you will pick the automobile up in the morning, Mr. Myers? Sure, of course. Thanks for your trouble, Mr. Myers. I'm glad to help. This is such a little town. We all know each other and like each other. Like to help each other. That so, Mrs. Rogers? Yes. Good night, Mrs. Rogers. And I'm glad to have met you, Mr. Stevens. We drove on home. I tried to figure out why he chose me out of all the people who must have placed advertisements that day as the person with whom he would hide out. But by now I was convinced that Mr. Bruce had deliberately set out to murder Mr. Stevens for some reason and hide out in my house where the police would be most unlikely to look for him. But why my house? Why had he chosen me? When we got to the house, Mr. Bruce made me place a long distance call to Los Angeles for him. It's ringing. All right, give it to me. Hello? Mary? Bud? Yeah. Look, meet me at Al's as soon as you can get here. Something's wrong. What's happened? Are you all right? Yeah, fine. I'll tell you when you get here, and get here fast. All right, Bud. Well, you got any pets you want to feed before we leave? Where are we going? Little trip. You ready? Don't answer that. It might be the operator calling back. She'll wonder. Okay, answer it. But I'm right here. Hello, Mrs. Rogers? This is Officer Barnes. Say. Oh, yes, operator. Oh, yes, operator. Is he still there? Yes, operator. Stall him a little. We're coming after him. Thank you, operator. Dear Mr. Myers, he'd understood me and he told the police, and they were going to save me. Well, you just can't imagine, my dear niece. I felt exactly like the heroine in Emotion Picture. I simply had to prevent Mr. Bruce from leaving the house. Just a few minutes, the officer had said. Just time enough for them to get here. All right, let's get going. I. I wish I knew where we were going. Do I have to take anything with me? Will we be gone long? You will, a long time. Then I'll need several changes of clothes. Let me. You won't need anything. Oh, the heater. The what? I left the heater on in the other room. I'd better turn it off. All right, but make it fast. Well, just a second. There. Now I. I feel better about it. Okay, now. You ready? Yes, now I'm ready. Mr. Bruce turned off the light and opened the front door. It was quiet on the street, peaceful and dark. But I thought for a minute that I saw a figure move suddenly toward us in the shadow. I kept praying. I wanted the police to be there, not only for myself, but because back there in the living room, the pieces of the puzzle had fit together. Now I knew the whole story, all of the whys and hows. Mr. Bruce motioned to me to go ahead, and I walked slowly down the path toward the automobile. I could feel Mr. Bruce a few steps behind me. Midway in the walk, it happened. Hold him high, Bruce. What? Get on. Mrs. Rogers. Dare you. Mrs. Rogers. Ms. Rogers, you all right? Yeah, I'm all right. Thank you. I'm all right. And there it is. My dear niece. The explanation I promised you. I felt, as your aunt, that I should tell you, Mary, how you happened to be in the county jail awaiting trial. When Mr. Al in the roadhouse first mentioned your name, I was suspicious. But not until Mr. Bruce made the phone call to you did I piece the story together. You had suggested the advertisement. Your husband answered it and employed me. If only you told me, my dear, that you'd gotten married while you were in Los Angeles. After all, I am your only living relative, and I could have come to your wedding, then this whole thing wouldn't have happened, would it, dear? Because I would have known Mr. Bruce all the time. Let me know after the trial what your new address is to be, and I will continue writing as always, Aunt Emily. Suspense in which Lee Patrick starred in William N. Robeson's production of My Dear Niece, written by Elliot Lewis. In just a moment, the names of the supporting players and a word about next week's story of suspense. More families, far more families use Ex Lax than any other laxative. In fact, today many doctors recommend trusted Ex Lax for youngsters as well as adults. Exlax is the preferred laxative for one important reason. Exlax helps you toward your normal regularity gently, overnight. You see, Ex Lax gives you the relief you want, the gentle way that nature wants, without upset, without discomfort. When you take chocolate and Ex Lax at night, it does not disturb your sleep. And Ex Lax is so effective that the next morning you'll be well on your way toward your normal regularity. Seldom, if ever, will you need Ex Lax the next day. Little wonder that of all the laxatives made today, tablet, powder or liquid Ex Lax is the most popular. So the next time, anytime that you or any member of your family needs a laxative, make that laxative pleasant tasting. Chocolated Ex lax introductory size only $0.15. Supporting Lee Patrick in My Dear Niece were Lillian Byeff, Barry Kroger, Barney Phillips, Jack Crucian and Norm Alden. Listen. Listen again next week when we return with Kathy Lewis in a statement of fact, another tale well calculated. To keep you in suspense, this is the CBS Radio Network. The makers of Campbell Soups present the Campbell Playhouse. Orson Welles, producer Good evening, this is Orson Welles. It's been my custom on opening these Sunday Campbell Playhouse shows of ours to talk about in the order named A, our offering for the evening, and B, our guest star. My task tonight is relatively easy. Our offering is our guest star, Mr. Jack Benny. Mr. Benny, not exactly unknown to the airwaves is a comedian and violin virtuoso. Has consented tonight to make his radio debut as an actor. Pure and simple. It is his art, I hasten to add, which is pure. It is the character he plays who is simple. Tonight, for the first time since I've been its producer, we've opened the doors of the Campbell Playhouse, opened them to admit, as our guests a few hundred of Mr. Benny's fans, whom Mr. Benny at least numbers in millions. We bid them a sincere and hearty welcome. And if Mr. Benny behaves himself tonight, the silence of the Campbell Playhouse will remain, as always, undisturbed. Granted, of course, that tonight's specialty is no particular invitation to sobriety on the part of the giddiest guest in our career. June Moon by Ring Lardner, and George S. Kaufman is advertised as his vehicle. Until just now, at least, it's always been one of my favorite plays. Now, for just a minute or so, our Mr. Benny gets in the mood. Ernest Chappell, who is in the mood, has something to tell us about a discovery he's made. Mr. Chappell. Thank you, Orson Welles. Perhaps it's hardly to be called a discovery. The other night I was browsing through the diaries of the great and greatly human Englishman Samuel Pepys, when I came upon this entry in the year 1665. All morning at my books, which I have had new bound then with Sir W. Penn in his carriage to the Lord Chancellor's, we were there regally entertained, dining upon a vast dish of chickens of most excellent sweet meat. And so we have evidence, if indeed evidence were needed, that the taste for chicken was as keen in the year 1665 as it is with most of us in 1940. Now, I'm sure it must be our continued liking for chicken that has made this country take so wholeheartedly to Campbell's Chicken Soup. One after another, families have tried this chicken soup and found it rich in chicken flavor clear through from its golden surface to the very bottom of the plate. They've seen how its broth fairly glistens with chicken richness. They've enjoyed the fluffy rice and tender chicken meat in every plateful. They have told others how much they enjoyed Campbell's Chicken Soup, and so its popularity has grown and continues to grow. Have you tried this deep flavored, homelike chicken soup of Campbell's? Won't you enjoy it tomorrow? I promise you, just as sure as you like chicken, you'll like Campbell's Chicken Soup. And now Orson Welles opens our Campbell Playhouse presentation of June Moon, starring Jack Benny. Ladies and gentlemen, tonight's story is all about the Big city, to quote O. Henry, the fair but pitiless city of Manhattan. In this big city, large and sudden things happen. You round a corner and thrust the rib of your umbrella into the eye of your old friend from Kenosha, Wisconsin. You stroll out to pluck a sweet william in the park, and lo. Bandits attack you. You stand in the breadline, marry an heiress and take out your laundry, all seemingly in the wink of an eye. You travel the streets and a finger beckons to you. A handkerchief. Orson. Orson. You travel the streets and a finger beckons to you, and a handkerchief is dropped for you. Orson. A handkerchief is dropped for you. A brick is dropped upon you, the elevator cable or your bank breaks a tarble d'hote or your wife disagrees with you and fate tosses you about like cork crumbs in wine opened by an unfeed waiter. The city arson. Arson. What is it? Jack only been here one minute, and he's discussed it already. Never mind. The city is a sprightly youngster, and you are red paint on its toy and you get licked off of such red paint. Is our story's hero now aboard a fast train, speeding through the night toward this greatest of cities, this Baghdad down the aisle of Apollo car, a candy butcher is just wending his way. All right. Oh, now, wait a minute, Orson. Just one minute. What is it, Jack? If you think I came all the way over here to play the part of a candy butcher, you're nuts. You're not playing the candy butcher, Jack. I play the candy butcher. Oh. Oh, pardon me. What am I playing, Jack? You're playing the leading man. Oh. Oh. Oh, you're the love interest. Oh, the love interest. Yes, I see. I'm the leading man, huh? Well, what am I beefing about? Let's get going. Cigarettes, magazines, candy? Cigarettes or magazine, miss? No, thank you. Candy. No, thank you. Candy. Mister, you got any fruit wootsy rolls? I sure have. How much are they? 15 cents a piece. How many? 15 cents for fruit wootsy rolls? None. Excuse me, mister. Didn't you ask me did I have a fruit wootsy roll? Yes, and then you asked me how much. I was just making conversation, that's all. Hey, now, wait a minute, Orson. Look, let's stop this right here. Look, Orson. No, no, wait, wait. Look, Orson, I'm afraid this part doesn't fit me. It's not my character. I'm not a tight one. Well, Jack, you're an actor. Just throw yourself into it. Oh, all right. Fine party gave me the play. I'll try candy. Cigarettes, Magazines? Newspapers. Miss? No, thank you. Candy? No, thank you. Cigarettes? Candy. Oh, miss. Hey, miss, Would you care to look at part of my newspaper? Oh, thank you, but I don't think so. Thank you. Thank you. Thought you might want to read. No, thank you. Well, we're due in New York at 10:3. Yes, I know. You got out at Hudson, didn't you? Yes, I seen you. Now, there's another thing. Orson, look. Now, wait a minute. Orson, look. My Orson. No, one second. Wait a minute. Orange. Look, I don't talk like that. I mean, I seen you. What is that? I seen you. And that's for Phil Harrods. It's not for me. Now, look here, Jack. Now, look here, Jack. I can't tolerate any more interruptions. This is a legitimate program. You're playing a character. The character speaks ungrammatically. Ms. Gordon, will you please continue? Gee, what a tyrant. Jack, let's start where we left off. It's your line, Jack. We're due in New York at 10 3. All right, all right. Sound effect. We're due in New York at 10:3. Yes, I know. You got on at Hudson, didn't you? Yes, I seen you. Seen you. You know, I've been on ever since Schenectady. Really? Yeah, that's where I work. I mean, where I did work. At the George. Ge. Yeah, General Electric, they call it. The ge. That's where the plant is in Schenectady. I've got a girlfriend from Schenectady. Is that so? She's in New York now. Or at least she was, the last time I heard of her. Grace Crowell. Oh, I used to know a Mildred Crowell, but her name wasn't Grace. This was Grace. This was Mildred. I guess there's a difference, all right. You know, Mildred's brother was quite a billiard player. 3 cushions Eddie, his name was. That's my name too. Well, of course it isn't my real name. It's just my nickname. My real name is Edna. Oh, this is Edward. I often wonder what became of Grace. It's funny how we lose track of people. It's terrible, too, because if a person's got good friends, they ought to keep them. I certainly got good ones. They showed that last night at the banquet. Were you in a banquet? I was the guest of honor. How exciting. You know, it was a farewell testimonial on account of me going to New York. And then this afternoon, 10 or 11 of the boys came down to the station and Ernie Butler is a friend of Mine. He had a hangover and bought me the seat in a parlor car. He said it would be a disgrace for me to ride in a day coach with this new valise. It's a lovely valise. Yeah, they gave it to me at the banquet. It's got my initials. F.D.C. frederick D. Stevens. What's the D for? Deductible. I was born March 15, 5:10am I like a man to have a middle name. Girls don't usually have them. I'm just plain Edna. I wouldn't say plain. Oh. Oh, you know how to make pretty speeches. I bet you're used to them. You know, talking about speeches, you oughta heard the speech Carl Williams made when he gave me this valise at the banquet. I mean, I guess I blushed. All right, all right. I bet they were sorry to see you go. You look like the kind of a man men would like. And girls, too. I don't go around much with girls. I don't go much with men either. Neither do I. Yep. Carl sure made quite a speech, all right. He said, the boy's expecting me to be the best songwriter in the country. Is that what you are? A songwriter? Not the music part, just the words. Lyrics. They're called. The words are called lyrics, I mean, not the music. You know, it must be wonderful to have a gift like that. You know, that's what Benny Davis called it. A gift. I guess you heard of him. He's turned out 100 smash hits. I guess I must have. He wrote oh, how I Miss you tonight. It was a song about how he missed his mother. He called her his old pal. That's sweet. Well, we happened to be playing in Schenectady and vaudeville. He had it, I mean. And I happened to meet him and I happened to show him some of my lyrics. And he said a man like me with a songwriting gift like me was a sucker not to go to New York. And he gives me a letter of introduction to Paul Sears, the composer. He wrote Paprika. You remember? Paprika, Paprika, Paprika, the spice of my life. Paprika, Paprika, the spice of my life. You remember? I think so. Now, believe me, when you write a song like Paprika, Paprika, you don't ever have to worry again. No. He's one of the most successful composers. He is Paul Sears. I bet you he and me will turn out some hits together. Are you going to be partners with him? If he wants me to. And I guess he will when I show him Benny Davis. Letter that's the hard part. Getting acquainted. I'd have broke away a long while ago only from a sister, but she got married a week ago Saturday. She's always done everything for me. I mean, cooked my meals and sewed things for me. Oh, I love to sew. It's too bad you're not my brother. I mean. Oh, Mr. Stevens, I. I don't want you to misjudge me. You don't need to be scared of me, girly. I treat all women like they were my sister till I find out different. I bet you're a wonderful songwriter. No wonder your friends gave you that big dinner. Yes, sir, it sure was some banquet, all right. I bet some of my pals got a headache today. All right, all right. I feel terrible. I hardly ever touch it myself. Only once in a great while at a party. Girls ought to lay off it entirely. I never touch it. You take some of those women in Schenectady and they want to go out every night and guzzle married women, too. Either they get all dressed up and drag their husband to a dance or a card party every night, or either they lay around a house in a wrapper. When I marry, I'll be just as careful of my appearance as I am now. I believe a husband appreciates a wife dressing up for him. If it ain't too expensive, the man I marry won't have any complaints. I make practically all my own clothes and I hardly ever go out evenings. No, personally, I prefer to stay home and read. Or else just sit and dream. But still, I always bathe and change my clothes, even when I'm only going to cook dinner. No matter how hard I've been working. You know, I think I'll take a room with a bathroom when I get to the hotel. I only been to New York once before. That was with Carl Williams. He's the fellow that made that speech last night. That was the first time he's been away from home in the evening since he was married. He's got a wife and baby now. Oh, I'm dying to have a baby. Oh, heavens, I didn't mean to say that. It's nothing against a woman to like babies. Carl's wife sure likes hers. She's made him a nice home, too. He didn't have to buy hardly anything in the way of furniture. Her grandmother gave her a bedroom suit and she bought the rest herself. She must be a good deal like. She bought it with money she saved while she was working at Burgers. Kyle fixed it, though. She could quit three Years after they were married. I always thought a girl should. Boy, you should see him now. He thinks the world of her. So she got her job back last year. Till my husband established himself. Definitely girl I marry won't never have to work. I don't believe the Almighty ever meant for a woman to endure a life of druggery. Oh, Mr. Stevens, if only old men felt the same way. My, hasn't it got dark? Naturally. It's 9:26. It's been a shorter trip than usual for some reason. Gee, there's a moon out. I love the moon. Yeah, June moon. What? I just said June moon. It isn't June. It's October. I know, but June and moon go together. They rhyme. I'm always thinking of words that rhyme, even when I ain't working. That'd be a catchy name, June Moon. For song, I mean. Sure, and you could get other words to rhyme with it like spoon and croon and soon and Mary soon or something. And macaroon. I wish I had some. I'm hungry. You know, I thought when I got to New York I'd go and get something to eat someplace. Only I wouldn't know where to go. Oh, I can tell you a place where I go once in a while. But most of the time I stay home and cook my own dinner. Just because I love to cook, it'd be too late to cook tonight. Yes, I guess it would. Say, this place you're talking about, it ain't very expensive, is it? Oh, no. The last time I went, there was two of us and we had hot roast beef sandwiches and peas and coffee and it only came to A$20. Well, that sounds all right. I guess we can each afford 60 cent. Yeah, that's for me. Hello, this is Paul Sears. Who? Fred Stevens. Oh, hello, Mr. Stevens. Welcome to our city. Where are you now? Well, you better hop in a taxi. It's quite a ways yet. That's it, Mr. Stevens. That's Mr. Stevens. That's the lyric right I was telling you about Lucille. He's from Schenectady. Thank heavens he can't get that in the lyric. I've been thinking. Maybe he and I could do something together. Or I could get rid of Houseman. If Houseman gave me a new idea, I dropped dead. But this fella's got a fresh sleep. Houseman would drop even deader if you gave him a new tune. I gave him paprika, didn't I? That's so long ago, I don't see how you remember it. Well, Hart Made enough money out of it. Everybody makes money but you. This Stevens is a nice kid. Hope Hart likes him. Say, your sister's got a date with Hart. Why don't you keep it? It's hair past age. Don't you worry about Eileen. What about Hart and her anyway? If she's engaged to him, aren't they ever gonna get married? You'll know as soon as there's anything. If you ask me, she's tired of him already. Yeah, he'll wiggle off the hook some way. If you ask me, he's getting so tired of. It's not as. Listen. What makes you think so? Oh, just because of the luck I'm running. If I ever marry again, it'll be a woman without a sister. If the sister didn't have a sister. That's who I'd like to be. Either of them. What time is it, Lucille? Oh, it's nearly 9:00. Do you want me to fix your evening dress, Eileen? Say, it's not gonna last much longer. I know it. Why don't you shop around Monday and see if you can find something? I'd go with you if I had anything to shop with you. Wait until this new number gets over. By that time I'll only want a shawl. Oh, he's hot. Gonna phone her, isn't he? It gets me crazy, this waiting. Oh, shut up, Paul. Oh, all right. And that's him. I wouldn't mind waiting if there was something to wait for. I nearly go out of my mind just sitting. You hear women brag about the nice cozy evenings they spend at home with their husband. They're not married to a piano tuner with 10 thumbs. Art said he called me the minute he got in. Maybe the train was late. He was in Philadelphia, you know. I know, but they got phones there now too. Wish there was something I could do tonight. Why don't you go to a picture? They charge admission. You're a fool to keep it up. You ought to break away while you still got a chance. That's easy to say. I haven't got any grounds. You wouldn't need grounds. Just get him up in court and let the judge look at him. And if I did leave him, do you know what'd happen? He'd write 10 smash hits in a week. That's my luck. Who's that? Oh, Maxie, I guess. Or maybe that lyric writer who you know, that's coming to see Paul from Albany or someplace. Hello, everybody. Oh, hello, Maxie. Hello, Lucille. Hello, Maxie. Hi, kids. Well, Everybody's staying at home on a Saturday night. All nights are alike up here. Look, I want the girls to hear that Montana number. Maxie, you know the way it really sounds when it's played. Okay. Hey, hey, he's gonna play Montana number. That's all right. I'll close the door. Go ahead, Maxie. She don't know anything. You know, I might have been a songwriter myself, but I got stuck on my own stuff. I wrote tunes nobody ever heard of before. Eh, they wouldn't stand for it. You know, that was a great idea of Hausman's writing a lyric about Montana. He's using up his ideas too fast. Montana Moon. He puts a state and the moon all in one song. Are you gonna play it? Yeah. Montana. Moonlight as bright as moonlight oh, may it smell moonlight my way to you I know you're lonely My one and only For I am lonely that's lonely too. Solid, Maxi. Boy, isn't it great the way Maxi plays it? I don't think Berlin will kill himself. You know, Paul, I wouldn't count on this number too much if I was you. They were talking about it when I left the office. Hart and Goebbel. Who was talking? Oh, hello, Eileen. I said Hart and Goebbel were talking about Paul's new number. You mean they were talking about it today? Yeah. What time? I don't know. 5:00. Goebbel and Hart both? Yeah, why? Oh, what's the matter with Eileen? Oh, that don't matter. What did they say about the song? Right now, they don't want it. If I don't deliver pretty soon, Maxie, they'll let me out. I guess this is Stevens. Who? Stevens, that lyric writer. Hey, maybe he's just what you need. Hello, Stevens. Glad to see you. Hello, Mr. Sears. Put your hat and coat in the chair. This is Maxie. Mr. Schwartz. Shake hands with Mr. Stevens. Glad to meet you, Mr. Schwartz. Hello, Stevens. And this is my wife. Dear, this is Mr. Stevens. How are you, Mr. Stevens? I'm all right. Paul tells me you're a songwriter yourself. Just the words. Well, that's all Paul needs. That and the music. Well, I just write the words. You know, I've always admired Mr. Sears, ever since he wrote Paprika. You've got a good memory. Well, sir, I'm anxious to get started. All right, all right. Since I got a town All I've done so far Is spend money Spend money say, you are a stranger Sit down. Thanks. Guess I'm a little late. I got off the subway station There was an old woman there selling papers. So I stopped and talked to her because, well, I knew she must be somebody's mother. A fresh slim. I was right, too, because she told me she has six sons. I feel sorry for old women that has to own their own living. What do the boys do, rent her the stand? No. Most of them are in a hospital, and two of them had their foot cut off. She told me all about it, so I gave her a nickel. You want to be careful in a place like New York. Oh, boy, it's a great city. All right, all right. You know, today I took a ferry boat over to Statens island and back. It's an island. You have to take a ferry boat. But I suppose you've been there. I go there a lot just for the trip. I seen the Goddess of Liberty, too. I mean the statue. It costs $1 million, weighs 225 tons. She ought to cut out sweets. Hey. Hey, Mrs. Sears. Have you been through the Hound Tunnel? No, I haven't. Have you been through the Hound Tunnel, Mr. Sears? No. Have you been through the Holland Tunnel, Mr. Schwartz? I've been waiting for somebody to go with. I'll go with you. Fine. See, I want to go every place. It was to get ideas for songs. I was telling Mr. Sears about one idea. I haven't got it written yet. It's a song about the traffic lights. Green for come ahead and red for stop. Maybe a comical song with a girl giving signals to her sweetheart. With different colored lights in the window. A green light when it's all right for him to call. And a red one when her husband's home. Now, this girl isn't married. I was thinking of another idea on the way up here. Maybe a song about how New York is all just one big symphony. You know, the noise in the subways and the taxis and the streetcars and the trucks and the newsboys. Nothing but noise. That's what New York is, the Lyric would say. That's all we need. A song with noise in the words, too. And then there's the hall of Fame up to Washington Heights. Gee, they got everybody up there. Washington, Lincoln, Longfellow. They got two dozen of them. What do you call them? Busts? That's the place for you, Paul, dear, no man's gotta be dead for 25 years. Well, that fits in. Well, I gotta be going along. Wait, wait. I want Stevens to show you one of those lyrics. I gotta be downtown. Oh, come on. This won't take a minute. Come on. Go ahead, Stevens. Oh, I got Lots of ideas. Lots of them. But I told this one to a certain party, and she. I mean, this party seemed to think it was pretty good. Let's hear it. It's just the title. What's the title? June Moon. That's the title. June Moon. The verse will be about a fellow that meets a girl in June when there's a moon shining. And then something happens so that she went away. Or maybe he went away. Or maybe they both go away. I don't know. And then whenever he looks up at the moon after that, he thinks of her. Then in the second verse, she'll be doing the same thing for him. That's fair enough. I don't know. Another moon, June. I got it. June moon How I wish you so and so How I miss my so and so Spoon. For heaven's sake. This would have taken Cole Porter months. I'm a genius. Hello? No, this is Lucille. Just a minute, Eileen. No, the idea came to me on the train, See? I just happened to be looking out of the window. Hello? Oh, yes, Mr. Hart. Not at all, Mr. Hart. What train, Mr. Hart? Oh, nothing, Mr. Hart. Goodbye, everybody. I can imagine it must have been Maxie. See you again. Don't say anything to Hart. What time tonight? My, it must be important. Well, I won't have a chance to say goodbye before you go. Oh, don't trouble yourself. It's quite all right. Have a pleasant trip. Mr. Hart. Mr. Stevens, this is my sister, Ms. Fletcher. Hello. Glad to meet you, Ms. Fletcher. Thanks. Mr. Stevens, the lyric writer. He's from Schenectady. He's been all over New York getting ideas for songs. Do you like it? Yeah, I like it fine. But it costs money to live here. Gosh, I had breakfast in a hotel this morning. It was 40 cents for salt, mackerel, mashed potatoes and. And a cup of instant Potom. Imagine, a few more breakfasts like that and you won't have any money left. I still got plenty. Oh, really? Say, I'll bet you haven't been to any of the real places, have you? It takes a New Yorker to find those. Well, I seen the Goddess of Liberty. I mean the night places. I seen it at night. Oh, no. Restaurants, huh? Mr. Stevens would love those, wouldn't he, Eileen? Yeah. I'll tell you what. Why don't we make up a party, the four of us, and show Mr. Stevens the town? You mean tonight? What do you say, Eileen? How about it? Why, sure. I don't know why not? Sure. Well, wait. It'll be great to go all Right. All right. Only the trouble is I got another engagement. Ah, you could put that off. Of course you could. Paul had another engagement too. He broke it on your account. Didn't you, dear? What? We thought it'd be fun for the four of us to go out someplace. But Mr. Stevens doesn't want to. Well, it ain't that I don't want to. You know, you really ought to. Paul was just saying that what you needed was to go places where they do the latest numbers and hear what kind of songs they're getting over. Isn't that what you were saying, Paul? Sure. Sure. Are we all saying, well, gee, I. I like to go all right, but I don't know on account of this other engagement. Oh, but you could do something about that. You could go if you really wanted to. Don't you want to? Well, maybe. Maybe I can get out of the party. I was going with this engagement. I was gonna take in a radio show. Say, listen, I'll tip you off about that Mr. Stevens. One thing about a radio show, you don't have to go to see it. You can always hear it on the air or turn it off. Well, you know, when it's connected, E. I listen to the radio all the time. There's one guy I never miss. Gee, he's a scream. Call him a name of Jack Benny. You know, Benny? Jack Benny? Oh, yeah, Jack Benny. Sure, I hear about him all the time on the Fred Allen program. Fred Allen? Oh, I listen to him too. Gee, that Fred Allen is sure funny, all right. He hands me a lot of laughs, but, gosh, I don't know. He ain't got near the class that guy Benny has. What a comic. Mr. Stevens, you can go to a radio show anytime. Wouldn't you rather hit the high spots with us tonight? Well, I ain't dressed to go out. I mean, to some swell place we'll go where we don't have to dress. How about the orchard? Wouldn't Maxie be surprised to see the four of us stroll in? Lucille and I'll go right in and get our things on. Well, wait a minute. It's just that I didn't happen to bring enough money with me. Oh, that's all right, Paul. Mr. Stevens can be the treasurer tonight. And you can fix it up with him later. Come on, let's hurry. Say, Paul, she's a good looker, ain't she? Who, Eileen? Yeah. Does she live here with you all the time? I'd say she does. Say, can I use your phone a minute? Sure. Do you Want the book? No, I know the number. Look, they were talking about the orchard. That ain't one of them expensive places, is it? Nah, just about average. Average is too expensive. Hello? Does Miss Edna Baker live there? Yeah. No kidding, Paul, what do you think it'd cost for the four of us? More than $6. You got more than that with you, haven't you? Well, no, don't call her to the phone. Just give her this message. Tell her Mr. Frederick D. Stevens, the songwriter, called and won't be able to make it tonight. He's all tied up. More than $6 for four people. Where are they going to take me? $6? I wish I was. You are listening to the Campbell Playhouse presentation of June Moon, produced by Orson Welles and starring Jack Benny. This is the Columbia Broadcasting System. This is Ernest Chapel, ladies and gentlemen, welcoming you back to the Campbell Playhouse. In a moment, we shall resume our presentation of June Moon. You know, I think everybody will agree that this is the day of the expert, of the specialist in every field. Now, Campbells have spent 41 years in the highly specialized field of super. Throughout all these years, every day has been Soup Making day at Campbell's. Every day. A day devoted to marketing, for the finest ingredients, to improving recipes and to acquiring skill in soup cookery. And I think after all these years, it may be truly said that Campbell's know how to make soup. Certainly, this is conceded by good home cooks everywhere. The moment they first taste Campbell's soups and discover their fine flavor and wholesomeness, they often say something like this. Yes, these soups are really homelike. And so it is that more and more women are turning over the making of all their soups to Campbell's. Have you done so yet? If not, I invite you to try your family's favorite soups one after another as they're made in Campbell's kitchens. And if you will, I sincerely believe that you, too will appoint Campbell soup makers to your family from now on. And now, Orson Welles resumes our Campbell Playhouse presentation of June Moon, starring Jack Benny. Ladies and gentlemen, the city. In the big city, there are those who go their ways, making money without turning to the right or. Hey, Orson. Orson. What is it, Jack? How am I doing, Orson? I mean, in this part I'm playing, is my characterization vivid and sincere enough? Jack. What's the difference? What's the difference? He's lucky I'm not temperamental. I'd stomp right out of this studio. Hello, Maxie and Mr. Hart. Come in yet? Not yet, Jack. Oh, Jack, I have to set the scene. Oh. Oh, pardon me. The scene, ladies and gentlemen. In the big city there are those who go their ways without turning to the right or left. That guy burns me up. But there is a tribe wonderfully composed like the Martian solely of eyes and the means of locomotion. Thinks he has such a beautiful speaking voice. Of such as. These are the slaves of a great music publisher. Lifeless but undead, they woo the muse in the offices of Goebbels and Hart just off Broadway. Here in a dozen little cubicles at a dozen hopeful but patient pianos are manufactured. Those hymns of love, those ragtime rigadoons. Rigadoons. That great melody to which a nation dances year after year. Usually the same melody. Hello, Maxie. Did Mr. Hart come in yet? Not yet. Gosh, we used to meet him at 4. Here it is at 4. 22. Well, this is his place. They're back in town. I guess he's got a lot to do. Paul's coming right away. We want to play the song once before Mr. Hart hears it. Gosh, I wish I'd known Mr. Hart was going to be late. I could have slept some more. I had to get up at 12. It must be tough after working for the General Electric where a man's hours is practically his own. No, I had to be on a job at 8 there every morning. Say, Maxie, how much money you think a fellow ought to be making before he could get married in New York? I mean, it depends on the girl, you know, Maxie, I'm getting a new suit. Ms. Fletcher took me. Is that so? It's Blue Search with hair bone stripes. He took my measures all over like I was a fighter. I'm 38 inches around my chest and 33 around my stomach and I forget my thigh. Anyway, he's got it all wrote down. I must get a copy. You know. You know, Maxie, if they like June Moon, I'm gonna get an evening dinner coat with a tuxedo. I've been wearing an old suit of Paul's, but it's too big. Ms. Fletcher said it would hold two like me. There couldn't be two. She was just joking. Oh. Oh, I see. Gee, I wonder what my friends in Schenectady would say if they could see me now. I hate to think I didn't know nothing when I lived there. Even the first few weeks I was in New York, I was kind of a SAP. Awful knave. I went sightseeing to places like the Aquarium, Grant's Tomb and the Central Park Animal Zoo. Can you imagine Gee, a little friend of mine, she took me around and I thought I was seeing New York. She didn't know no better either. What's become of her? Did she go home? No, she lives here. She works for a dentist. I must call her up sometime and see how she's getting along. Only I guess maybe I'll wait now till I need a filling or something. She could probably get me a price. Hello, Fred. Hot here yet? Oh, hello, Paul. No, he ain't showed up yet. We just got time to run through the song before he gets here. Are you ready, Maxie? Oh, sure. Drop it a tone, will you, Maxie? Okay. It's too high for me. I can't. How's that? That's better. Put a lot of schmous in this, will you, June? Moo hoon shiny above Will my true love come soon? Actually gets put feeling into June a mohoon. I am so blue. I know that you long for her to up 40, maxi. 40. Sweet Night Bird winging aloft singing a song. Love to. Now fork fort, Maxie Ford. Tell her to come to me here to me and her dear June Moo hoo hoo. Solid. Grand. Solid. Solid. Oh, that was wonderful. Huh? You got an audience, Edna. Hello. Well, I. I wasn't expecting to see you. This is Ms. Baker, everybody. This little girl I was telling you about, the one that works for the dentist. How do you do, Ms. Baker? Hello. I hated to come down to your office, Fred. I'm afraid you're busy. We were just polishing up my new number. June Moon. Did you like the melody? Oh, I loved it. And I love Fred's words. I think everybody will. Oh, but I don't want to interrupt. Maybe I'd better. No, no, no, no, no, no. We'll go. You stay right here. But look, if Mr. Hart comes, Paul and I will be in my room. Goodbye, Miss Baker. Goodbye, everybody. Hello, Fred. Hello. There's nobody here, Fred. Huh? Nobody's looking. Of course nobody's looking. If nobody's here, that means nobody's looking. Naturally. My goodness, Fred, what's been the matter? Nothing's the matter, Edna. I've just been busy, that's all. I was gonna call you as soon as I wasn't busy. I thought maybe you were sick or something. I tried to call you up two mornings. I mean, at your hotel, and they said you couldn't be waked up before 1:00, I think it was. That's only because I've been up late the night before working. We got the song all finished, ain't we? Oh, it's beautiful. I had no idea it would turn out so beautiful. It's beautiful. You said it. And when it's published, I'll make them put your name on the COVID dictated to Ms. Edna Bates. How's that? Oh, Fred, I'd love that. But I'd love something else better. What's that, Fred? It's been two Sundays since we went anywhere together. Remember the day we took our lunch and went over to the Palisades? All day. And then we were going again the next Sunday. Only we didn't. I remembered that Sunday. It's silly to remember a Sunday you didn't go someplace. Well, every Sunday you don't go someplace. I mean, someplace you don't go to. I don't know what I mean. But what have you been doing since? Well, you have to go around places and keep in contract with the other boys. You mean nightclubs? Some of them just you and Mr. Sears. Well, Paul's wife, Mrs. Sears. Doesn't anybody else go along to sort of even up the party? Well, nobody. You know, I hardly know her myself. She just comes along because she's Lucille's sister and lives there. Oh, can't leave her alone by herself. She's timid. Didn't you ever tell her about me? Well, you see, we just. It's only business. There hasn't nothing like that come up. She isn't nosy. A girl like she's probably got lots of beautiful clothes. She probably makes little me look like nothing. No, that part don't matter. Wouldn't make no difference to me if she had all the clothes in the world or if she was bare, either. Doesn't it cost an awful lot of money when you go around to all these places? Costs a lot of money, Fred. Are you going to be busy tonight, Fred, after they hear the song? Sure. I got to work with Paul. Well, then before that. After Mr. Hart hears it. Oh, Fred. Couldn't I stay in here at too, Fred? Oh, no, Eddie. With Mr. Hart hearing a new number, he can't have nobody around. You gotta consecrate on what he's doing. Oh, I'll tell you what. You wait in the reception room or somewhere and the minute he hears the song, I'll come and tell you what he says. Oh, Fred, that's grand. And then can we go somewhere for a little while? Have a soda or something? I guess so. There's a place around the corner you can get nickel sodas. You can hardly tell him from the dime ones. Oh, Fred, I'm sorry. Of course, you only get one straw. Matter of price. I mean, you do care whether you see me? Of course I do. Sure. Certainly. Oh, pardon me. Oh, Mr. Hart. Mr. Hart. What? We've been waiting for you. We're all ready. Ready with what? That new number. We'll go through it if you'll wait a minute. What number? June Moon. The number I wrote with Paul Sears. I'll get Maxie. We'll run through it for you. Say, Edna, if you'll go into one of them other offices. Oh, all right, dear. I can wait. Happy now? Wait in that reception over there. There's a good place. Oh, thank you, Fred. No, no, not that door. Gee, can't you read now, Mr. Hart. Where'd he go? Mr. Hart. Mr. Hart. Why, Freddie. Hello, Fred. Oh, hello, girls. What are you doing down here? Eileen? Lucille and I came down to bring you luck. Yeah, I'm a born rabbit's foot. Oh. Oh, There you are, Mr. Hart. Yeah. Well, I didn't know we had visitors. Hello, Lucille. Hello. This is Ms. Fletcher, Mr. Hart. Ms. Fletcher's Paul's sister in law. Yeah, I've already met Ms. Fletcher. Yeah, Mr. Hart's been off on a trip. Eileen, that's very interesting. Are you ready for our song now, Mr. Hart? I mean, June Moon? I guess so. Come on, Stevens. Oh, wait till you get a load of this song. I mean the words. Eileen, what are you going to do about Stevens? He's going to be kind of a nuisance with Hartback. I can handle him. He's so far gone, you can tell him anything. I wonder if that song is any good. All of Paul's stuff sounds just alike to me. Well, maybe Stephen's lyrics are just silly enough to get over. I got kind of a hunch they are. Even if they buy it, it won't mean anything to us. Paul's so far ahead of his royalties, they'll never catch up. He could write Madam Butterfly and it wouldn't even get me a new step in. Why don't you do something, Lucille? Maybe I am. You are what? Oh, I don't know. Nothing, maybe. Only. Remember Ed Knowlton? Yeah, what about him? I ran into him Friday on Madison Avenue. Well, he still likes me and I like him. Has he got any money? He makes a lot, but he spends it. If he likes you, that's not a fatal drawback. He likes me, all right. Well, don't tell me you aren't going to do anything about it. Oh, I don't know what to do. Ed's nice. The things he says. They make me feel young again. And it's such a relief to just talk to a man that hates music. Listen, if you don't do this. Hey, girls, Girls. What do you know? They're crazy about it. They're going to take it. They've took her. Come in, Mr. Schwarz. Do you know if Mr. Hart heard Mr. Stevens song yet? I mean, June Moon? Yes, Ms. Baker, he did. Was it all right? Did he like it? He took it. Where is he still in there? Not anymore. They've all gone. They? Yes, Mr. Sears and his wife and his sister and Fred. They went out just a couple of minutes ago. Oh. Oh, thank you very much. And now for the tune is still in first place on our hit parade for the 16th consecutive week. June Moon. Oh, June Moon. If I hear that ridiculous song again, I'll scream. What's ridiculous about 16 weeks on a hit parade? Well, it doesn't mean anything to us, does it? We still haven't any money. That. That dress is new, ain't it? Don't you think it's about time? How much was it? It won't come due for a while. I may take care of it myself. I can take care of it if it ain't too soon. I gotta go on out. Eileen's waiting. Hold on. That's what I want to talk to you about. What about her and Fred. Oh, she's got him so he can hardly work at all. I don't know when we're gonna finish the new numbers. Of course you can finish them. Ah, but marrying him and taking him off on this trip, it's gonna cost him a million dollars. And just when we're beginning to work together. Good. You can write other numbers while he's gone. Don't you think they ought to go ahead and get married? No, they shouldn't. He's a nice guy. Oh, I've got to kind of like her myself. Well, what of it? Eileen's a nice girl. Ah, you know what I mean. Isn't it kind of a dirty trick? I mean, after the way Eileen. Well, the way she. And hot and everything. Oh, you ought to have more sense. Oh, just the same, I don't feel right about it. And the way she's throwing his money around just like it was confetti. Spending every nickel she can get on herself. Clothes, clothes. You can't go to Europe in a life belt. Ah, don't you know what she spent yesterday afternoon? Just in one day. Close to $400. Fred pretty near cried when he told me. And I don't blame him. He's a nice kid. She doesn't spend that every day. Well, she shouldn't have spent it at all. And you should have saw that she didn't spend it. Well, how could I stop her? I wasn't there. Oh, yes, you are. You were with her all afternoon. You said you were. Oh, yeah. Oh, I thought you meant the day before. It was Sunday the day before. Yeah, I just got mixed up, that's all. Anyhow, something ought to be done about it. She's got him in debt enough. Life is a game. We are but players playing the best we know how. Yeah, that's good. Playing the best we know how. Come in. Sometimes we shoot a 7, sometimes 11. But ofttimes it's boxcars for us. Oh, Brad Offtimes. What do you want? Can't you see I'm composing? Did you ask Hart about that advance? He's advanced me so many advances already. In advance. Gee, but, sweetheart, you promised. All right, all right. But I gotta find Paul now. He's waiting for me. Oh, don't go to work yet. You never have any time for me. You don't realize. I want to be loved once in a while. Love once in a while. I held your hand in the taxi, didn't I? What do you want? Just think. Only three more days till we belong to each other. It's four, ain't it? Quarter. We sail only three till we get married. And don't forget, you're to ask Heart for a thousand dollars advance. I've borrowed $3,500 on June moon already. Maybe more than my royalties will amount to altogether. Don't be ridiculous. That number will still be selling when you're dead. I won't care so much then. Oh, Fred, your children will. Don't you want children, Freddy? I don't get along with them very good. You would with your own. No, I figure I'd get along better with other people. Cause they go home once in a while. We needn't think of that now. Let's just think of you and me all alone on that big boat. We won't be alone. The fellow said it'd be pretty near full. But we don't have to see anybody. A bride and groom don't generally go around much. They're supposed to be so awfully in love. The dining room won't be crowded. They'll serve us in our cabin. It'd be kind of cramped. Maybe I could go in the dining room and order your meals. Sent up and leave me all alone? I'd be scared to death. Look, it's just as dangerous in the dining room as the bedroom. If the ship sinks, pretty near all the rooms will be underwater. Let's not think about such things. Just think of the pleasant side. London, Paris. Oh, I'm glad we're going to Paris first so I can get some clothes. Clothes? What have you been buying? Well, they're all right for the ship, dear, but not the Rivera. Don't you want to be proud of me? Don't you want to be proud of the way I look? If you're going to stay in your cabin all the time, you won't eat nothing but a Mother Hubbard. Well, all ready for the big trip? Hello, Maxie. The boat sails Saturday. I don't know what you want to go to Europe for. Why not? Well, because he's never been there before. A songwriter never goes anywhere for the first time. They're always going back to places. Back to Indiana, back to Baltimore. Fred, are you going to talk to Mr. Hart? Yeah, I'm going to talk to Mr. Hart. Well, this would be a good time. And let me know what he says. I'll be outside. I'd like to be going back to Schenectady, but Eileen's got her heart set on Europe. I hear it's quite a place. Yeah, I guess so. I was kind of excited about it at first, but now, I don't know. Kind of tired, I guess. The way we've been going it lately, I'm kind of behind on my sleeve. But you've been having a lot of fun. All those nightclubs I did at first, dancing and everything. Now my feet so sore I have to take a bath every day. Might as well take a whole bath. Adjust your feet. I ache so I can't sleep in them. I don't get some rest soon I'll have a nervous breakup. And everything costs so much. Eileen wants to take a taxi if she's going in the other room. You sure picked out a thrifty little girl. I kind of get thinking sometime maybe a man like I that's just breaking in maybe shouldn't get married so soon. Especially a woman's got to have so many clothes. Sometimes I think it'd be better if I hadn't gotten engaged. I read a case once in Michigan where a man was engaged to a girl and didn't marry her. I didn't read that. Have you got the clippings? No, but my memory's pretty good. For instance, I remember a Nice little girl that was here to see you one time. I even remember her name. Ms. Baker. Maxie. You haven't seen her or anything, have you? Me? No. Why? I guess I shouldn't be thinking of her at a time like this. Are you? I don't know. Sometimes. Oh, I'm going to my office. I gotta do some work. Ever since I broke my dime bank, everything's been so painful, Complicated. Life is a game. We are but players playing the best we know. Sometimes a full house greets us. Sometimes a broken flush meets us. And oft times. Why don't you. Oh. Oh, hello, Eddie. Hello. Hey, maybe I'm crazy, but, you know, I'm glad to see Eddie. I'm glad to see you too, Fred. I'm glad you're well and that you're going to be happy. You know, Eddie, I've been having the insomnias about you. I've been waking up in the morning thinking about you. Are you waking up in the morning again, Fred? Gee. Gee, we used to have a lot of fun together. Remember that day in Van Cortlandt park when I lost my watch and that little boy found it? You gave him a nickel. I gave him a dime, and he said, keep it and buy your wife a radio set. He thought we was married. I remember he was embarrassed. All right, all right. Any girl would. And then coming back, we forgot to change the 72nd street, that is. You forgot? I didn't know any better. I just wasn't thinking. You had to go all the way down to Times Square. Remember? That's when we saw the flea circus. You said one of the fleas reminded you of a man in Schenectady. Yeah, Perry Robinson. He always walked like he just picked up a nail. Eddie. Eddie, have you heard anything about me? I heard you were going to be married, Fred. I should have congratulated you. Thanks. Say, Eddie, wait here a minute, will you? Where are you going, Fred? You congratulating me made me think of something. What, Fred? I gotta go see my intended to be fiance. Eileen. Yes, Freddy? I gotta tell you something. What is it, Freddy? I don't want to get married. I mean you and I. And don't call me Freddy, that's all. Do you know what you're saying? I shouldn't have never got engaged. I didn't realize. Well, this is a fine time to tell me. Why didn't you wait till we got to the altar? Why wait? I know it now. I see. And you think all you have to do is tell me and that Settles it. Well, it doesn't work quite that way. I'll sue that girl for alienation. You can't. She was born right here in New York State. Go there. Well, what would you think of a man that made a girl love him when she was already engaged and then threw her over? Do you think that would be honorable? A man like that is a rat. I was talking to you. You didn't tell me. Well, I'm telling you now. Fred Stevens, I'm the girl you're engaged to. And I'm the girl you're going to marry. Now, look, Eileen. Hello, Fred. Am I interrupting? No, I was just going. See you later, Freddie. What's the matter? Been fighting? Ain't anything the matter? Well, I just thought maybe we might get together on some of those songs this afternoon. I can't. I gotta go to the French passport place. I thought you went there yesterday. It would have been cheaper. Told you I went with Eileen while she was shopping. You must have had a swell time. Running around with two women all yesterday afternoon. What two women? I'm in. Lucille. Lucille wasn't along. Just I and Eileen. Yesterday? Yeah, we were together from 1 to 5:30. Why? Didn't Lucille ever meet you during the afternoon? No. Why? Paul, Eileen and I are going out to lunch. Want to come along, Lucille? I want to talk to you. What about? Where were you yesterday afternoon? I was out. I said, where were you? Do I have to report on my movements? You do when I catch a lion. Where were you? I had an engagement. It was with an old friend of mine and I thought you mightn't want me to do it and so I told you I was with Eileen. Holy mackerel. I know. It was silly of me, Paul. I was gonna tell you later, wasn't I, Eileen? Yeah, she was gonna tell you tonight. She told me so. Where did you go yesterday afternoon with this fella? Fella? Gee, we went to a matinee on a Monday. We went to the Roxy. Who was there on the stage show. I don't see what difference that makes. You dirty lion. Double crosser. Hey, My goodness. That's not true. You keep still, Eileen. Listen, Paul, did you think I was gonna wait around forever for you to give me the things I wanted? Holy smokes, Lucille. You mean to say that when you were married to Paul, you went out with a fella? Eileen, you must have known she was doing it. Known she was doing it? She put her up to it. That's not true. No? Well, listen to this. I'll tell you something. That is true. Don't you believe him, Fred. I will if I wanna. Eileen told you she was engaged to be married. Well, she wasn't. She was Hart's girl and he kicked her out. And that's the only reason she took up with you. Why? Why? That's the badger game, Eileen. You're nothing but a badger. That's what you are. Come on, Lucia, let's get out of here. I'm sick of looking at these Tin Pan Alley hats. I'm coming, Eileen. Goodbye. And you're a badger. S. Hey, Eddie. Eddie. Excuse me, Maxie. What is it, Fred? I don't have to marry her. Paul told me everything. Congratulations. Look, Eddie, I still got the tickets for the boat and it says frederick D. Stevens and Wife. I wonder if the steamship people allow you to change your wife. Yes, if you don't do it in midstream. If your wife is the right kind, she won't let you take her on an expensive trip. She'll make you put everything into a home. Oh, I don't mean a big home. Just a little bungalow would do. A bungalow, bungalow A bungalow for two. Gee, that would be a great title for a song. And I've got a great tune. Bungalow, I love you Bungalow for two. Gee, the words are great, aren't they? But the tune's no good. It'll never go. Why can't I get somebody to write tunes for me? A bungalow. You have been listening to the Campbell Playhouse presentation of June Moon, produced by Orson Welles and starring Jack Benny. Mr. Wells and our guest star will be back with us in just a moment. Meanwhile, I'd like to leave just this thought with the mothers listening. When your children come home at noon for lunch, why not give them bowls of Campbell's chicken Soup now and then? Children love chicken, and they'll enjoy the flavor of chicken in every gleaming drop of this good chicken soup, along with fluffy rice and tender chicken meat. Now, perhaps your children take their lunch to school. In that case, why not fill a thermos bottle with good hot chicken soup and let them take it along as their needed hot dish? Try it and see if they don't ask for it often. Because just as sure as they like chicken, they'll like Campbell's chicken soup. And now, our producer and star of The Campbell Playhouse, Mr. Orson Welles, June Moon. Ladies and gentlemen, June Moon, the play which you've just heard, written by Ring Lardner and George S. Kaufman, was one of the greatest comedy successes that Broadway has ever known. And I want to say, ladies and Gentlemen. Orson. I want to say, ladies and gentlemen, that Jack Benny, despite what any of you may think, genuinely did his best tonight, and we're very grateful to him for his efforts. Well, thanks. Thanks, Larson. Thanks. Quite all right. The part of Fred Stevens, the songwriter, is generally not regarded as a difficult one, but tonight we happen to have with us a man who makes mountains out of molehills. Well, thanks. You know, I don't. I think that called for a thanks. I didn't know. I don't. I don't often do legitimate plays like this. No, you don't? No. Oh, you could sort of feel that. Yeah. It came to me okay while I was playing. While you were reading your own. Oh, yes. Now, where am I? Oh, yeah. Here I am. You know, I don't often do legitimate plays like this. I'd love to get just one line out. All right, all right. Sorry. Jack, you drive a guy nuts. I'm not kidding. Wait a minute. You want to know something? Yeah. You look better with a beard. Now, Arson. Look, I don't often do legitimate plays like this, and naturally, it was quite a strain for me, but do you really think I gave a good performance? Well, Jack, if you're referring to those people that left in the middle of the broadcast, they probably had to go home early anyway. Oh, I wasn't worrying about them. It was the people that stayed. They looked like they wanted to go home, but their feet hurt. You know, Orson, I enjoyed playing that part, but it still didn't have the dramatic quality that will get me an Academy Award. You see, Orson, that's what I'm after, the Academy Award. I want that statue. Don't get excited, Jack. There's no rush. Take your time. Take my time? Orson, I'm not a kid anymore. I've either got to win it in the next few years or go through the hereafter muttering to myself. I don't know what you're driving at, Jack. Well, look, Orson, last week I did the Hunchback of Notre Dame. This week I did June Moon. Now, what I want to know is, when can I play Hamlet? Maybe you didn't hear me, Orson. When can I play Hamlet? I heard you, and I'm thinking, oh, well, maybe I am a little too anxious. And I don't want you to think that I don't appreciate all these dramatic lessons you've been giving me. But, gee, Shakespeare, that's my goal. That's my ambition. Listen, Orson, I am the Count of Monte Cristo, and the world is mine. That's not Shakespeare. That's from the Count of Monte Cristo, Jack. It is? Yeah. Oh. Oh, well, then let's do that. What are we waiting for? All right, Jack, if that's what you want, I'll start giving you lessons it tomorrow. Oh, boy. Jack Benny and the Count of Monte Cristo. So long, Larson. I want to run over to the Owl Drugstore and tell the boys about this. Goodbye, everybody. Goodbye, Jack. Ladies and gentlemen. Ladies and gentlemen, the character of Frederick Stevens was sustained tonight by Jack Benny. Other characters were also sustained by Benny Rubin and Gus Schilling. For instance, who were Maxie and Paul in the order named Lee? Benedarret was Lucille, Lee Patrick was Eileen, Virginia Gordon was Edna, and the Candy Butcher, a little jewel of its kind. Candy Butcher. You may remember the Candy Butcher way back there in the first scene. Need I say, fans, that the Candy Butcher was your obedient servant? I had conceived of the Candy Butcher as the part most suitable for our guest of the evening. I had another part in mind for myself. Jack Benny didn't think he was right for the Candy Butcher. I don't know why. I just didn't think he was right. As a matter of fact, there has been some talk that Jack Benny was going to play Rochester and Jane Eyre. This is a lie. We're doing Jane Eyre, all right, And I'm playing Rochester and not the Rochester that first comes to mind. I mean Ms. Bronte's Rochester, not Mr. Benny's. Ms. Bronte's Rochester neither dances nor sings. And if any of you people would be interested in hearing me play a part again, please tune in. That other faction had better be warned that Rochester is present in several sequences in next week's romance. And a romance it is, too. Jane Eyre, quite seriously, is next week's story, and it's one of the really fine, really moving romances in all literature. We're genuinely thrilled at the prospect of doing Jane Eyre for you. We're very proud indeed to announce as our guest for the name part an old friend and very gifted actress, Ms. Madeleine Carroll. Till next Sunday night and Jane Eyre with Madeleine Carroll. My sponsors, the makers of Campbell Soups, and all of us in the Campbell Playhouse, remain, as always, obediently the makers of Campbell's Soups. Join Orson Welles in inviting you to be with us in the Campbell Playhouse again next Sunday evening when we present Jane Eyre with Madeline Carroll as our guest. In the meantime, if you've enjoyed tonight's playhouse presentation, won't you tell your grocer so tomorrow when you order Campbell's chicken soup. This is Ernest Chappell saying thank you and good night. This is the Columbia Broadcasting System. We just heard Lee Patrick in Just One Happy Little Family, my dear niece and June Moon. That will do it for this week's episode. Thanks so much for joining me. I'll be back next week with more Old time Radio thrillers. In the meantime, you can check out down these Mean Streets. That's my Old Time Radio Detective podcast. New episodes of that show are out on Sundays. If you like what you're hearing, don't be a stranger. You can rate and review the show and Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen. And if you'd like to lend support to the show, you can visit buymeacoffee.com mean sts otr now, good night until next week when I'll be back with another Hollywood star and more tales well calculated to keep you in suspense. Ladies and gentlemen, the chief hope of our enemies is to divide the United States along racial and religious lines and thereby conquer us. Let's not spread prejudice. A divided America is a weak America. Through our behavior, we encourage the respect of our children and make them better neighbors to all races and religions. Remind them that being good neighbors has helped make our country great and kept her free. Thank you.