
What does loneliness do to our brains? Neil deGrasse Tyson, Chuck Nice, and Gary O’Reilly explore how the loneliness epidemic impacts our minds, bodies, and even our lifespan with neuroscientist Ben Rein, author of Why Brains Need Friends: The Science of Social Connection.
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Neil deGrasse Tyson
Imagine relying on a dozen different software programs to run your business, none of which are connected.
Ben Rhine
And each one more expensive and more.
Chuck Nice
Complicated than the last.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
It can be pretty stressful. Now imagine Odoo. Odoo has all the programs you'll ever need and are all connected on one platform. Doesn't Odoo sound amazing? Let Odoo harmonize your business with simple, efficient software that can handle everything for a fraction of the price. Sign up today@odoo.com. that's O-O-O.com to realize the future America needs.
Ben Rhine
We understand what's needed from us to face each threat head on. We've earned our place in the fight.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
For our nation's future.
Ben Rhine
We are marines. We were made for this.
Chuck Nice
On Special Edition, we finally got neuroscientists on top of the lonely situation.
Ben Rhine
Good.
Gary O'Reilly
About time.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
Yeah. And what's the cure?
Gary O'Reilly
Bring a friend.
Chuck Nice
Coming up, all about loneliness and what we're doing about it. Welcome to StarTalk, your place in the universe where science and pop culture collide. StarTalk begins right now. This is StarTalk Special Edition. Neil Degrasse Tyson here, your personal astrophysicist. And when you hear Special Edition, it means Gary O'Reilly is in the house.
Gary O'Reilly
Hey, Neil.
Chuck Nice
You and your editors cooked this stuff up.
Gary O'Reilly
Yes, we did.
Chuck Nice
And today it's like the lonely brain. All human physiological conditions. Yeah.
Gary O'Reilly
And this is something that we'll explore.
Chuck Nice
Okay.
Gary O'Reilly
Understand why when we get in the.
Chuck Nice
Middle, we'll do that. Chuck. Hey. All right.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
Lonely everything. Lord, just lonely.
Chuck Nice
Lonely man.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
Lonely man brain and everything else.
Chuck Nice
We'll see what we can do about that. Set us up here.
Gary O'Reilly
We've been hearing there's a loneliness epidemic. Whether you're male, you're female, you're rich, you're poor, you're young, you're old. For a variety of reasons, people are getting lonelier. But what does loneliness actually do to our brains? Are our brains equipped to deal with the social isolation of modern life? Does loneliness make us less healthy? We'll learn about why social interactions matter so much to our health and whether they can be stimulated through drugs like mdma.
Ben Rhine
Yes.
Gary O'Reilly
Others. Yeah, I knew that would wake you up. You're back in the room.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
Well done. Oh, now we're talking.
Ben Rhine
Yeah.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
A little Molly in the ass.
Chuck Nice
When I hear mdma, I think of medical doctor and master of arts. That's. As an academic.
Gary O'Reilly
That's not what it stands for.
Chuck Nice
That's not what it stands for.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
I was going to say. I'm going to say you sound like a blast at a nightclub. Hey, you got any medical doctor and Master of Arts.
Chuck Nice
Well, we found one of the world's experts on. On that very subject. A neuroscientist that goes by Ben Rhine. Ben, welcome back to StarTalk.
Ben Rhine
Yeah, thanks so much for having me.
Chuck Nice
One time you came in virtually. Yeah, way better to poke you in the flesh here.
Ben Rhine
It's awesome to be here.
Chuck Nice
You actually do exist. That was not a bot that you set up.
Ben Rhine
That was my AI avatar.
Chuck Nice
I'm looking at your. I mean, I can't. How do you have this many. You're a neuroscientist. Chief Science Officer. That's badass.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
Of the Starship Enterprise.
Ben Rhine
Yes.
Chuck Nice
We're saluting no matter what follows that. That's a badass title. Chief Science Officer, which was sponsor on of the Mind Science Foundation. Clinical Assistant professor at SUNY Buffalo. And that's where you're based? Up in Buffalo, New York. Where they invented buffalo wings, as I'm told. We can get them to verify that. Adjunct lecturer at Stanford University. You're bi. Coastal. Because you actually did some work out at Stanford. So they know you, they're familiar with your work. And you're author just recently of why Brains Need Friends. Ooh. The neuroscience of social connection.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
I hear the theme song now.
Gary O'Reilly
Okay, we got there.
Chuck Nice
All right. The friends. Was that your attempt?
Neil deGrasse Tyson
That was my.
Ben Rhine
Yes.
Gary O'Reilly
It wasn't that bad.
Chuck Nice
All right, let's get to the bottom of this. It's possible to be alone, but not lonely. It's possible to be surrounded by people, maybe even your best friends, and be lonely. And it's possible to be completely alone and not be lonely. So where do you fit into this matrix?
Ben Rhine
Yeah, so what you're describing or alluding to is the distinction between loneliness and isolation.
Chuck Nice
Oh, isolation. That's another word.
Ben Rhine
Here we got another word. Okay, so isolation is the objective state of being by yourself, right? You're by yourself. You are isolated. You are alone. But you can be lonely. While amongst others, loneliness is the feeling that your social needs are not being met. And so it's complicated because you can come home from a family vacation with your entire extended family for a week and go sit in your family room by yourself. You're alone, but you are not lonely. You are just where you need to be. You wish you were very satisfied with the level of social contact you're getting. Cause you had way too much. Or you can go to a concert where there's 20,000 people around you. But if you go by yourself and you're not interacting with anybody and you feel alone. You can be lonely in a crowd, especially.
Chuck Nice
Cause everyone else is not lonely. Cause they're enjoying the concert with their friends, their loved ones. So the fact that everyone else is not alone has made you alone. Is that a fair way to characterize that?
Ben Rhine
Yeah, I mean, I think you can feel lonely without acknowledging that the people around you aren't lonely too. Right. But I think once you notice that, it maybe makes it worse. Right. I've had times where I'm traveling by myself and I go sit at a restaurant and I wish I had people with me. And the table next to me is all happy and everyone's gathering and I'm. You know, it draws attention to.
Chuck Nice
You should bathe next time before you. So there are other reasons why you. But. So this new word. Tell me again. Isolated.
Ben Rhine
Isolation.
Chuck Nice
Okay. So it's commonly reported, I think even in the Guinness Book of World Records, they say the loneliest person ever. And they cite the person who's running the command module that's orbiting the moon while the other two astronauts are down on the lunar surface walking around. And so the three of them go together. They're not alone, they're not isolated, they're not lonely. They get to the moon, two drop out and the other stays in orbit. So while two are on one side of the moon and the other one goes to the other side of the moon, he's not only farther from Earth, he's the diameter of the moon, away from his fellow astronauts. So in the case of Apollo 11, it was Michael Collins. But any of the Apollo missions would have had somebody the full diameter of the moon away from fellow astronauts. And they call that the loneliest person. But I will not say that anymore.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
He's just isolated.
Chuck Nice
He's just isolated.
Ben Rhine
That's right. He's the most isolated. It's kind of a scary place to be. It sounds.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
Not for me, sounds like the best place to know the best place not in the world. Okay. That's what that is. And if he has children, he is very happy.
Ben Rhine
See, that person may be not lonely in that moment. Right. If you just flew to. I don't know how long it takes to get to the moon, but you just sat with.
Chuck Nice
Three days.
Ben Rhine
Okay? So you're. Three days of social interaction with two people. The other two people go out and you're by yourself. You're like, oh, my gosh, this is finally. This is amazing.
Chuck Nice
I thought they'd never leave.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
Exactly.
Ben Rhine
I gotta go to the bathroom.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
I'm Taking off this suit, I'm gonna sit here naked.
Gary O'Reilly
When you experience an isolation, when you are in a state of loneliness, what's happening in the brain?
Ben Rhine
So being isolated or lonely. Yeah, It's a form of stress. We human beings are social animals. When we are taken away from our tribe, we experience a rise in cortisol, the traditional stress response, the HPA axis in the body, which is the body's stress response system. The switch turns on, cortisol starts flowing into the blood, and we feel stressed.
Chuck Nice
Where does the cortisol come from?
Ben Rhine
So the cortisol comes from the pituitary.
Chuck Nice
That's what I was wondering.
Ben Rhine
But yeah. So it's not, you know, it's not healthy for us. It's not what we're designed for. Right. We exist best in groups. We survive best in groups. And so when we are apart from our group, this sort of threat signal in the brain flips on that says, you are at risk. You are in danger.
Chuck Nice
You're getting picked off from the tribe.
Ben Rhine
Exactly.
Chuck Nice
By a lion.
Ben Rhine
Right. And what's interesting is you look at solitary animals, there's, you know, like tigers, for instance.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
Yeah.
Ben Rhine
Tigers don't exist in groups because they're, you know, they're so effective, they don't have to.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
I'm a tiger.
Ben Rhine
Exactly.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
That's what I. I do.
Chuck Nice
Do your head like that.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
That's right. You see how I roll by myself? Cause I'm a tiger.
Chuck Nice
So tigers are not as sociable as lions.
Ben Rhine
Yeah, to my understanding. Yeah.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
Okay.
Chuck Nice
All right.
Ben Rhine
Sort of not my space, but yeah, I understand that tigers specifically are solitary. And so what's interesting about that is I mentioned when humans are isolated, cortisol starts going up. Stress response triggered. When tigers are placed around each other, they show that response. Cortisol starts going up when they are by themselves.
Gary O'Reilly
They feel content because they know what other tigers have. They have those big teeth and those big sharp claws.
Ben Rhine
Is that what I look like? And they're competing.
Chuck Nice
They never looked in the mirror.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
Am I that bad?
Ben Rhine
I mean, they're horrifying, but they're competing for food. Right. And resources. So their brain's threat signal is saying, hey, if you're around these tigers, you might go hungry because they're so good at hunting, they might steal all your food and kind of deplete the area of resources for you. And so we are wired accordingly. We are wired for what we're doing, the way we survive best. Which is chemically wired. Chemically wired, yes. And so I say that only because.
Chuck Nice
There'S other electrical signals in your brain.
Ben Rhine
Right.
Chuck Nice
And this affects the electrical signals or.
Ben Rhine
Yeah, it's all intertwined.
Chuck Nice
You know, I'm just being a physicist on you.
Ben Rhine
Yeah, I appreciate it. No, that is also an interesting thing, total aside, but people think the brain is all electricity or they think it's all chemicals, but it's actually the system works in a way that it goes back and forth between chemicals.
Chuck Nice
Electrochemical.
Ben Rhine
Yeah, yeah. So the electrical signal travels and then chemicals come out, and then all the.
Chuck Nice
Chemicals pick it up.
Ben Rhine
Yeah. So they're one and the same in synchrony. Yeah.
Chuck Nice
Yes. Okay.
Ben Rhine
So being isolated is, as I said, a form of stress. But on the opposite side of that, getting to this idea of we're wired to be social, being alone makes us feel stressed, but being around others also makes us feel good. We have these social reward systems in our brain where when we have positive interactions, we're around others. Basically, these three neurotransmitters that many people have probably heard of, oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine, those three work together to create this sense of social reward. And specifically, when I say reward, it's not like, oh, you're getting a treat or something. It is rewarding and reinforcing. It is pleasant to be around others. And so your brain is telling you this is something that you should do again, because this is pleasant. It's just the same way that eating a delicious, nutritious meal will drive dopamine release in your brain, because that's your brain's way of saying, hey, this is good for you. And dopamine is that it's like the molecule of reinforcement.
Chuck Nice
Right.
Ben Rhine
Come back and do this again. And so the same thing happens when we socialize. So we are wired to feel good around others so that we keep coming back. And we're also wired to feel badly.
Chuck Nice
When we're alone, but to be around others. And that brings in the which chemical?
Ben Rhine
Oxytocin, serotonin, dopamine.
Chuck Nice
Okay. The suite of chemicals. And then I'm pleased by that. But if I don't do it and those chemicals don't appear, I'm not depressed. I just don't experience that joy. So why is the absence of it bad? Just cause the presence of it is good.
Ben Rhine
Okay, so that was a good question.
Gary O'Reilly
Man, you're getting better at this.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
You should do a podcast.
Ben Rhine
It is a good question.
Chuck Nice
It's up for you to judge whether it's a good question.
Ben Rhine
No, it is a good question because it points out an important nuance that basically, the absence of interaction isolation, the neurobiological signature of that is a distinct problem from the absence of the pleasure.
Chuck Nice
See, I told you. It was a good question.
Ben Rhine
It was a good question.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
And how long does that take? Because if I'm isolated for a short period of time, let's say I'm going on a drive by myself, it is pleasant. You know, I would assume that the cortisol release happens when you realize that this isolation is a sustained state.
Ben Rhine
Yeah, I mean, it's probably at the point where I don't think anyone's really tracked that down exactly. But I would think it's at the point where you realize it's a problem. Right. And it feels wrong. Something feels wrong. And that sort of signal may be subconscious in many cases, because I think humans tend to be pretty bad at detecting when we are lonely. We're very good at detecting when we are happy with other people. Right. We've had enough. It's time to go home from the party. But we're not as good detective. I think it's because our lives are so complex. Right. We have all these other stressors. Work, sleep. There's so many reasons that you can explain. This is why I'm not feeling so good today. My work is stressful. I didn't get a good night of sleep, whatever it may be. And I don't think a lot of people think it's because I haven't seen my friends in a while. That doesn't really pop into the consciousness of today's culture, in my opinion. And the truth is, the more isolated people, the longer you spend alone. Depression rates increase, anxiety increases. And as I hope we'll get to in this conversation, aside from the mood problems, there's all sorts of health problems as well.
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Ben Rhine
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Ben Rhine
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Ben Rhine
I'm Alikan Hemraj and I support StarTalk on Patreon. This is StarTalk with Neil DeGrasse Tyson.
Gary O'Reilly
So what happens to the brain once it gets into a long term loneliness? You've got this rinse and repeat of chemical electrochemical pattern going on and on and on. What blood just goes on then?
Ben Rhine
Okay, so I mentioned that isolation is stress and it drives cortisol levels up. So in chronic stress when cortisol is high elevated for too long, what happens is cortisol loses its anti inflammatory properties. So let me back up here. When you have a short period of stress, cortisol comes in and what it can do is reduce inflammation, which is actually a great thing because you're facing some sort of challenge, your body's telling you you're stressed. We gotta get this inflammation out here cause we maybe need to fight a saber toothed tiger, whatever it may be. But over time if the cortisol remains high, then the tissues of the body sort of stop responding to it, they become desensitized to it.
Chuck Nice
Isn't that called addiction?
Ben Rhine
Addiction.
Chuck Nice
When you're addicted you no longer respond. Oh yeah, well to the same dose.
Ben Rhine
So I guess so yeah, it's like.
Chuck Nice
It'S a form of addiction.
Ben Rhine
The body's tissues have become desensitized to cortisol. And so with that, one of the body's main anti inflammation systems is out of order. And that's bad because it can lead to chronic inflammation. Chronic inflammation, which you know, I hate because it's become such a sort of a social media thing where everyone's just throwing out there like chronic inflammation, chronic inflammation. But it actually is a serious problem, health problem associated with chronic stress and seemingly associated with isolation. And so let me talk about a very specific mouse research study that will just sort of explain. Yeah, yeah. So there was a researcher, Luis McCullough at University of Houston and they were doing Stroke research. They were looking at if you induce a specific stroke very scientifically. Right. This isn't like, oh, the mouse had a stroke. It's like we occluded the artery for 30 seconds. Exactly right. And it produces a very reliable area of damage in the brain. Because the oxygen and glucose aren't flowing, the cells die. Here's this part of the brain that is now dead because there was no blood. They noticed that some of the mice were experiencing much larger areas of damage. For some reason, they had more dead cells. Couldn't find an explanation. Turns out the mice that were having worse strokes were living alone. They were singly housed mice. Even though they were experiencing the exact same loss of blood flow, they had worse damage in the brain. How can that be? Well, it's true what I mentioned, that chronic isolation drives up inflammation. Well, maybe this inflammation is sort of making the neurons less healthy and resilient to this sort of insult. And so what they did is they blocked these inflammatory markers in the isolated mice and found that that reversed the problem. So when they turned down the inflammation that isolation was inducing, then the mice had the same size stroke that they would be expected to have.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
So now if you could repeat that experiment, but instead of inducing the stroke with the, you know, the restriction of glucose or whatever, and just have them smoke cigarettes and drink alcohol for many years while working a job, that's killing them, I think you had a better result.
Ben Rhine
I don't know if you could get a mouse to smoke a cigarette, but I think that would definitely not be approved by iron.
Chuck Nice
The French mice will smoke a cigarette.
Ben Rhine
But I think it would have a similar effect. And the reason speak with a French.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
Accent, but of course, Squeak, squeak, squeak.
Ben Rhine
The reason I tell that story is because I think it helps paint a picture of, like, why is isolation actually bad? Why is chronic inflammation bad? Well, it's to the detriment of the function of your organs, your brain.
Chuck Nice
There are two words you haven't used yet, but we've all heard it in our lives, and it feels like it derives exactly out of everything you're saying. And it's, are you extroverted or introverted? That's what it sounds like you're describing. And taken to its extremes, extroverts will live longer than introverts with less disease and overall greater happiness. Or would they?
Ben Rhine
They do, yeah, it seems that they do. Yeah. I mean, there are studies showing that extroverts are generally happier. First off, is the chicken or the egg. Are they so extroverted because they're so happy all the time and they just want to talk, or is it that they're talking more? Well, if you ask people who are extroverted to talk more with others and be more extroverted, their mood even improves. So it seems that mood benefits are related to the extroversion. But as for the health benefits, so this is where it gets delicate. Because to tell the average person, go spend every afternoon socializing. Right. Get coffee with friends, see friends all the time, for someone who is more introverted, that is not a healthy prescription.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
That's stress right there.
Chuck Nice
Right, right.
Ben Rhine
Exactly.
Gary O'Reilly
What am I gonna wear? Y. I'm not talking to him anymore.
Ben Rhine
Right.
Gary O'Reilly
It's all sorts of dynamics in there. Yeah.
Ben Rhine
But for an extrovert, that actually probably will be good for them and extend their lives. And you know, there's a recent report that came out on these superagers, these people who are live to 100, they're not necessarily. They're like living to 200 years old, but that they are, I think 80 and above. But if you scan their brains, their brains look closer to 60 year olds.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
Oh, wow.
Ben Rhine
They're resistant to aging. The traditional path of aging.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
Very cool.
Ben Rhine
And what's amazing is that the one unifying trait amongst these superagers is that they're all extroverts and that they all claim to live very social lives. And you know, this paper came out and every single metric that they looked at made perfect sense. Like all that they did all this brain imaging and it made perfect sense. They showed lower levels of inflammation. You know, they showed thicker certain brain areas. And it makes sense that as you're continuing to live a social lifestyle and you're exercising these brain areas because socializing is indeed an exercise for the brain. It's like a workout for your muscles.
Chuck Nice
But if it causes stress to an introvert, that can't be good for them.
Ben Rhine
Right. Okay, so we're weaving a lot of topics together here, so I want to separate them. So introverted people still benefit from socializing, but the sort of threshold of where that becomes unhealthy or unpleasant is way lower. So if you have an introverted person, let's say, come into this room right now and pretend to be an extrovert for 10 minutes, they're going to.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
They're going to leave exhausted.
Ben Rhine
Well, no, actually that's what you'd think. I mean, they'd probably kick and scream on the way in and please, I don't want to do that. But they would actually feel better afterwards because there's only 10 minutes. But if you ask them to do the same thing and say, okay, for the next week of your life, pretend you're extroverted, do just the same thing you just did, they are going to be miserable at the end of it. But if you have an extrovert do that, just like the 10 minute period, they're going to feel great after. And after a week they're still going to feel great. And so it's like, you know, people talk about their social battery. You can sort of think of it as introverts have a smaller social battery that charges up faster and, and depletes faster. Well, extroverts. Extroverts, yeah. So introverts battery charges up faster and actually depletes slower because then they need to be recharged less freely.
Gary O'Reilly
Is it about learning your own limit as to what social interaction. Because you can have, even for an extrovert, there can be too much social interaction.
Ben Rhine
Yes, absolutely. So there's trait extroversion measures. People often think that, oh, I can be introverted in the morning and extroverted in the afternoon. But the truth is everybody has a very stable level of trait extraversion. The higher you score on extraversion, the higher your social intake should be. Basically to make you happy. The more tolerant you are, the larger your social battery is.
Chuck Nice
And so the more capacity you have for.
Ben Rhine
Right, right.
Chuck Nice
Okay.
Ben Rhine
And the more energy, you know, the more energy you get from interacting, the more you can tolerate before you get frustrated and want to be alone. So I actually, in my book, I have a trade extroversion scale that people can take and then sort of figure out where they land on that. And then the second sort of practice that I.
Chuck Nice
It's a little quiz that you can take.
Gary O'Reilly
Yeah.
Ben Rhine
And it's 20 questions. It's things like some of them are obvious, like, oh, I.
Chuck Nice
How come it's not 19 questions or 17 questions?
Ben Rhine
Because the scientists in this case decided to be trendy.
Chuck Nice
You know, I always wondered when there's a nice round number of fundamental questions, they probably threw in a few extra just to make it easy to remember.
Ben Rhine
I can actually tell you why. It's because this is one dimension of the big five personality test. And so it's 100 questions. Each dimension is five or a fifth. So it's 20.
Chuck Nice
You're right.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
Because it's scaled of one to five. So you scale to 100. So make friends easily, warm up quickly to others. I show feelings when I'm happy. I have a lot of fun, I laugh a lot. I take charge. I have a strong personality. I know how to captivate people. I see myself as a good teacher or leader. I can talk to others into doing things. I'm the first to act. I'm easy to get to know. I don't keep others at a distance. I reveal a lot about myself. I often get caught up in excitement. I'm very enthusiastic. I have talent for influencing people. I don't wait for others to lead the way. I don't hold back my opinions. And I have an assertive personality. That sounds like an asshole.
Ben Rhine
Some of them are interesting. Yeah.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
I'm just saying I don't wanna hang out with that person. No, I'm joking. I am that person. No, no. Oh man, that's scary.
Gary O'Reilly
That's perfection.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
I don't think so. I think, you know, there's a specialized person. I think there's degrees to that. Cause actually every single thing there, that is me. But in different, like gradations.
Gary O'Reilly
Ah, you've got more of one.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
I've got more of one than the other, but I've got it. I've got em all.
Chuck Nice
How does the autism spectrum dovetail to this description?
Ben Rhine
Introversion? Extroversion?
Chuck Nice
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ben Rhine
That's a good question. You know, I think.
Chuck Nice
See, I got another good question and.
Ben Rhine
I'll admit before I answer this, like this is not. I haven't read any literature on this specifically question for you. Okay, I'm sorry. I think I understood who that was intended to be.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
Yes, exactly. I tried my best not to do a real impersonation of them because, you know. All right.
Ben Rhine
I would postulate that those on the autism spectrum can land anywhere on this continuum of extraversion. Right. It's not necessarily, you know, extroversion is as described there. It's really sort of a personality. And I've met plenty of people who are diagnosed with autism and are very extroverted.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
What about the person who is introverted until they're extroverted? So they have certain situations and I know people like this, they don't have a word to say. And then when they're around me and one other friend, they're freaking nuts. Like, I mean, they're like a madman. And then you get them outside, it's like the frog. That frog is just like, hello, my baby. Hello my dog. Right? And then he says, hey, I got this frog. And he's like, ribbit. So what is that?
Ben Rhine
Well, I'm not really sure. I mean, I think that this.
Chuck Nice
A frog in the top hat and cane?
Neil deGrasse Tyson
Yeah.
Chuck Nice
Is this the One I'm remembering.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
And he's like, oh, my God, I got this frog.
Chuck Nice
It's a dancing frog.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
And then as soon as the people leave, there's like, hello.
Gary O'Reilly
There are performers and athletes like that. Yeah, that I knew players before the game, nothing going on. Cross the white line, go out on.
Chuck Nice
The field, onto the pitch. Yeah, I said that. Right?
Gary O'Reilly
The field, on the pitch, on the field. Thank you.
Chuck Nice
You said field.
Gary O'Reilly
Yeah, I know.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
He's been here too long.
Gary O'Reilly
They become a very different person. Very, very different. So it's that kind of almost light switch moment that Chuck's talking about.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
So what I'm saying is if that person who's an introvert but has their extroverted kind of supercharged and they get that all the time, will that make them the same as an extrovert being happy over a period of time?
Ben Rhine
Like, okay, so I think what you're getting at is all this, like, neuroscience that I'm describing about, like, how we benefit from interactions and how we don't benefit from being isolated. It all fits within the complex nature of our lives and how we're influenced on a daily basis. And so we're trying to fit these, like, really specific neuroscience pieces, puzzle pieces, into interactions that are constantly changing. And so one of the sort of exercises that I encourage is for people to do introspection and ask themselves, like, reflect on how was the experience I just had the social experience. I call this idea social journaling. You come home from an interaction and you jot down some notes. You could use a template. I have a template in the book too, of like a bunch of prompts, things that matter. By understanding what social situations you feel the most comfortable in, you can start to sort of curate your social diet. You know, the interactions you're taking in. So it sounds like your friend feels super comfortable and capable of being themselves and being really outgoing in this certain context that you're describing. And maybe certain athletes, when they're around their teammates, they may feel like they can open up. And so that's important to find that identity and self expression is important. And I can guarantee that if you asked your friend, on a scale of 1 to 10, if you gave them a survey after you hung out, how much did you enjoy this experience? How's your mood? They probably feel much better after those interactions where they are more extroverted and they are more sociable than the interactions where they're sitting there quietly.
Gary O'Reilly
Okay, so we know all social interactions aren't the same. There's different levels. There's different engagements. How does the brain react to an in person encounter as opposed to a virtual?
Chuck Nice
And before you get to that, surely there's a difference between walking into a room of people you know, and walking to a room of entire strangers. And personally, I'm completely comfortable in a room of strangers. There's just more people to meet and to learn what they do. That's how I view it. But I know people who just are only comfortable with friends, and they don't see that as an opportunity or anything positive. Yet it still fulfills the tribe sense that you're around other people and that should boost your chemicals, the good chemicals.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
Yeah. See, I'm just the opposite. I want to walk into a room of strangers because they don't know me. And they're like, they don't know what an a hole I am. All the people who know me are just like, God, that guy's here.
Ben Rhine
I think what you're asking about it really comes down to an element of extroversion. Right. I believe one of the questions on there was like, I make friends easily. Right. And so more extroverted people will feel more comfortable in a relationship built into.
Chuck Nice
The understanding of scale.
Ben Rhine
Yeah.
Chuck Nice
Okay, so now virtual, real.
Ben Rhine
Yes.
Chuck Nice
What's the difference there, by the way? I no longer value the virtual conversation today as I did during COVID During COVID Oh, wow. It's cool. I can still. And I realized there was something missing. Only after the fact am I saying that was not a real interaction. I couldn't smell you. I didn't see you. I don't know what you're wearing. I couldn't read your moods. It was not an interaction. I might as well just be looking at a picture in a book.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
Hmm.
Chuck Nice
And so you needed a better camera.
Gary O'Reilly
It was the best we could do.
Chuck Nice
So have you studied what the brain is doing in either of those cases?
Ben Rhine
Yeah. So as for virtual versus in person, you know, we humans have been acting as living as a social species for, you know, and our ancestors included millions of years. We are built for detecting and processing and understanding social cues that we are giving one another. Right. Facial expressions, vocal tone, body language. There's so much information just in this room right now. Right. And by the way, that's one of the reasons why I mentioned it's like an exercise for your brain. You're constantly processing all this information in the absence of those social cues. Like when we are messaging or interacting with someone on Twitter or X, or when you're on Facetime, you can sort of think about how each of these various media of interaction strip away certain social cues. Right. When we go from in person to video, yeah, it's like, oh, I can see them, I can hear them. It's realistic. But it's not because you cannot make eye contact. It's impossible. You cannot smell them. Their smells that your brain is probably detecting in the background. You cannot see their entire body. You can only see whatever this picture. And so you're missing some of that information that feeds your brain. When you go to a phone call, you can't even see them anymore. Facial expressions, body language, out the door, you go to a text message, you can't hear their tone of voice. It's just the words. And so my belief is that as we strip away this sort of texture of our interactions, we're losing a lot of the important signals that tell our brains we are interacting with a human.
Chuck Nice
So that fully accounts for my reactions, that I found them much less fulfilling.
Ben Rhine
And that's also shown in the data. So there are, like I said, there's not much data on like brain responses, but there are data on mood responses. And people basically don't feel as good after interacting online. And it seems like the less lifelike the interaction is, for instance, texting is less lifelike than video call, the worse the benefits are. So they don't feel quite as good, but they still feel better having less lifelike interactions than they do having no interaction at all.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
That's why I gave up my real dollar.
Gary O'Reilly
So is there a science behind people being likable, a proven science, or is that just like it's the way they look?
Ben Rhine
That's part of it actually. But yeah, there is a proven science. There's a lot of psychology research on this about what makes people likable. Sort of an arguably shallow topic to study. But it's important because it may sound shallow, but the truth is being well liked is very important, obviously, for that's.
Chuck Nice
How you get elected.
Ben Rhine
That's how you get elected. It's back in the day when we were like, you know, 100,000 years ago, a couple hundred thousand years ago, it was how you stayed alive by being with your tribe and not being kicked out for being annoying and disliked. So just giving Chuck a moment to speak on that.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
That's why I've learned to survive on my own.
Chuck Nice
I'm just trying to picture the annoying person in the cave getting kicked out.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
Right.
Chuck Nice
How do you be annoying in a cave?
Neil deGrasse Tyson
It's a closed area, so all I can has to do with what you ate earlier that too.
Ben Rhine
So there's a lot of ways I could describe this. Let me put it this way. There's a research study that I really like because they had people come in to the lab and interact with either a likable character or an unlikable character. And they didn't know the person they were interacting with was an actress. But she was instructed by the researchers to do one of two things. In the likable condition, she was super attentive.
Chuck Nice
Same person.
Ben Rhine
Same person, yeah. So in the likable condition, she was really polite and obviously made a lot of eye contact, listened a lot, had a good interaction, was very. Just supportive of them in general. In the unlikable condition, they instructed her to avoid eye contact, to speak about controversial topics, wait for the other person to voice their opinion, and then purposely voice the opposite opinion, to not be attentive, to actually set an alarm on her phone as if it was ringing, and then basically from there on, sitting on her phone and ignoring the person. To me, that sounds pretty unlikable. Right? You would definitely have a different experience interacting with that person. And I like to share that one because I think it's funny that these scientists had to come up with, how do we make this person unlikable? And that's what they did. But that's all based on research. People view all those characteristics as unlikable, but it reveals a lot about how we interpret others. And, you know, there are brain areas, most of them are in the prefrontal cortex, that are sort of devoted to determining how well liked or how much you like someone else.
Chuck Nice
Catch me up on something. There's the frontal cortex. Then there's a prefrontal cortex. There's a cortex on top of the cortex.
Ben Rhine
So the prefrontal cortex is like the foremost part of the frontal cortex.
Chuck Nice
Why isn't that just the frontal cortex?
Ben Rhine
The frontal cortex includes the prefrontal cortex. The frontal cortex is just this whole thing.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
Oh, the whole thing is the frontal cortex.
Ben Rhine
Yeah, the whole frontal cortex. Right.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
Okay.
Chuck Nice
Okay, that's. Thank you for clarifying that because I'm thinking the prefrontal cortex is some extra other place, but it's just an area of the frontal cortex. Is that a fair.
Ben Rhine
Yeah, it's the form. It's the front most area of the.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
So it's not like your oven. Like there's a dial and then it says prefrontal cortex and then full cortex and the frontal cortex and then.
Chuck Nice
Right.
Ben Rhine
Yeah, it's the very front. And that area is one of the areas that's Very evolved in humans.
Chuck Nice
Yes. Seems to me part of what it is to be likable is you perceive that the other person cares about you in some way, they'll ask about you. And at some level that's empathy. Right. The capacity to even be able to do that. Is that a measurable thing in your brain, research, empathy? Yes.
Ben Rhine
Oh, yeah, yeah. There's a lot of research on empathy. That's some of the research I've done myself at Stanford is on empathy.
Chuck Nice
Would war even be possible if everyone were empathetic? I mean, I'm just thinking of these things taken to extremes, the absence or existence accounts for practically everything that disrupts society.
Ben Rhine
Yeah. You know, I've actually, I'm reading one of your books right now and you use the term Goldilocks Zone, right? To refer to.
Chuck Nice
Well, it's in the field, the Goldilocks zone. Yes.
Ben Rhine
But it's the idea that it's in the perfect place. Right. It has to. If it was. Yeah. If the planet were any further from the sun, we would have frozen lakes and if we were any closer, we would burn up. Right. That's kind of how I view empathy. I think we have empathy in the Goldilocks Zone that if we had any more and we. Let's say, for instance, you saw, you know, I broke my finger, and looking at my broken finger, you felt the full sensation of your finger being broken.
Chuck Nice
That would be terrible.
Ben Rhine
That's too much empathy. Right. Because if you wanted to help me, you would have to like look away while you're like bandaging up my finger. Right. It would just be too much. It's way more than is necessary to motivate you to support me. And that, by the way, is sort of the purpose of empathy. Right. You could tell someone's hurt, you're like, oh gosh, let me help. Or if you see they're happy. It's a way to communicate emotions. Non verbally. Empathy is also positive. But if you had no empathy, you saw my broken finger and you're like, who cares? You would have no motivation to support me or to help me. Right. And so we are right in this.
Chuck Nice
You're psychopathic at the extreme limit of that.
Ben Rhine
Right.
Chuck Nice
And so humans, humans harm someone and you don't even care that you harm them or feel any of the pain that they might experience.
Ben Rhine
Right. And humans, on average, of course, there's.
Chuck Nice
A range of empathy that's psychopath. Sociopath, I think is psychopath.
Ben Rhine
No, psychopath.
Chuck Nice
Psychopath.
Ben Rhine
Is it? Okay, yeah. So humans, on average, of course, there's a range, most people fall into this range where we feel some empathy for other people. But it's not so much that we're totally taking on the full sensation. And what's important on the note of war, is that I mentioned earlier that the brain sort of evolved to treat those in our in group differently. Empathy is one of those things. There's plenty of studies showing that people's brains, the brain areas that are associated with empathy, they will activate more for others that they view as in their in group. And it doesn't really matter like really what that in group is. It can be race, it could be religion, it could be political affiliation, you know, there's all sorts of things. And so when we see others as unlike us and there's this concept of self, other overlap. If you picture two like a Venn diagram, right, you're one circle, the other person is the other circle, how much of an overlap are those circles? The further apart those circles are, the less empathy you're gonna experience and the less activity in those empathy you're gonna.
Chuck Nice
The easier it will be for you to kill them.
Ben Rhine
Right. The less painful it will be for you to witness them struggling. Yeah. And so in war, this is a.
Chuck Nice
Clear out group situation with propaganda that even feeds the separation of the Venn diagram.
Ben Rhine
Right. And what that does is it basically dehumanizes your brain's representation of that person that it doesn't respond. Like I mentioned on social media, right. We, we don't see social cues. The brain says, I don't know if I'm interacting with a person. This could be a, this is a screen, right. If you can get, you get a person to dissociate the human so far from themselves that they see nothing in common, then those empathy areas aren't going to come online and it's going to be easy to harm them.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
So then social media, does that add to the desensitization of empathy in others? Because you're not having a human to human interaction, there's this technology in between you.
Ben Rhine
So we don't know that yet, but I published a paper on this a couple years ago. I called it the virtual disengagement hypothesis.
Chuck Nice
And what journal does those go in?
Ben Rhine
So that journal is called Neuroscience.
Chuck Nice
Duh. Okay, good journal title to publish.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
Yeah, it's a little on the nose.
Ben Rhine
It felt like it was appropriate for the topic, but yeah. And so this idea that my student Maria Tavares and I published is that when we are not experiencing these social cues online, there's no reason that the empathy areas in our brain should turn on. And so this could potentially explain why there's such hostility online. I mean, raise your hand if you've experienced harassment online.
Chuck Nice
I mean, hostility, you know, would never happen one on one. You just know this.
Ben Rhine
Exactly.
Chuck Nice
Even with people with highly different views from you, it just degrades immediately.
Ben Rhine
Yeah. And by the way, there's a whole research field on this. It's called computer mediated communication. That's what they called it in the 80s before social media and all this came about. So when the computer came about, they started doing research where they would have people interact through computers, which is what we now do almost every day. Pretty much every day. And they found that people behaved differently. They were more unfiltered, they would be swearing, they would be hostile. And, you know, that wasn't like the finding, but it was part of what they saw and they didn't have an.
Gary O'Reilly
Explanation for it because modern society likes to medicate things. Are there good and bad medications that are being taken that will affect people's isolation or inclination to be more sociable?
Ben Rhine
You mean drugs.
Chuck Nice
Just say it.
Gary O'Reilly
No medications. No, can't. Make.
Ben Rhine
I didn't know if you were talking about, like behavioral interventions or like drugs.
Gary O'Reilly
Two drugs.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
Yeah.
Ben Rhine
Yeah, okay. Yeah, for sure. I mean, there's a lot of research on. And not very well recognized research.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
I know because I'm the one who did it.
Ben Rhine
Subject on how drugs influence the social brain. And you know, there's research, for instance, on painkillers. Right. When you take a painkiller, we all know that painkillers, you know, this is over the counter stuff, can reduce our pain, obviously. But did you know it can also reduce your empathy for someone else's pain? So if you have painkillers in your system and you're.
Chuck Nice
Why am I only learning about this now?
Ben Rhine
Right.
Gary O'Reilly
Because I only just asked the question.
Ben Rhine
Because Gary had a great question. Okay. It also reduces social pain too, by the way, because there's a significant overlap in the brain between physical pain and social pain, how it's processed. So if you take acetaminophen and someone insults you, you're not probably gonna feel as bad.
Chuck Nice
Really?
Ben Rhine
Yeah.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
And can you take a bottle of acetaminophen?
Ben Rhine
Does that help for a comedy performance on stage? Drown out that for a hospital crowd.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
Exactly. Bring it on, bitches. Oh, I'm sorry. Never mind, Go ahead.
Ben Rhine
And the other thing too is that not only does it reduce your social pain, but also the pain of others. So if you are on acetaminophen and you see someone who is socially excluded, for instance, from a group, you're probably gonna feel less bad for them. It actually sort of blunts the brain's ability to turn on these areas. These brain areas that process and make us feel pain in the the emotional component of pain, not the physical part.
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Chuck Nice
When I was a kid, I wanted to be a superhero. I don't know if that's unusual or what, but I wanted to be a protector of the geeks. Because geeks back in my day before geeks were the richest people in the world. They were completely abused by the football quarterback and get wedgied up on the.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
That's still happening.
Ben Rhine
That's still happening.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
Don't worry.
Gary O'Reilly
I'm pretty sure that's still happening.
Chuck Nice
But I was a little bit bigger than most people and I was probably physically fit a year and a half before my chronological age. So I could kick your ass if I had to. But I was also a geek. So if I ever saw someone who was under socialized getting abused, it would be almost an irrational level of rage I would feel. And I want to just this is where the superhero feelings come in. I want it to jump in the middle there and just pummel the person who's abusing one of my people, one of my geeks, the Incredible Nerd Hulk.
Ben Rhine
That's pretty much what you are in real life now.
Chuck Nice
I guess this is protecting my tribe. I guess it's still yet another step to want to harm someone who. I mean, I could just separate them, but I felt this Urge to just do what the superheroes do to the bad guys. Yeah, you know, well, you.
Ben Rhine
Yeah, I mean, that's entirely natural for a human being. Right. You want to protect your group, and sometimes that means eliminating the threat.
Chuck Nice
So that's very militaristic.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
Say, eliminated threat.
Ben Rhine
Yeah, I was very.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
Pete, headset.
Ben Rhine
Sorry, guys.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
Optimum lethality.
Gary O'Reilly
So we've gone through painkillers and how they can affect. So what are the positive drugs? I mean, is it just alcohol? What else are we gonna go to?
Ben Rhine
So I would actually argue that alcohol's not a positive.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
That's definitely not positive. I mean, it feels positive when you're consuming it.
Gary O'Reilly
So short term, yeah.
Ben Rhine
So alcohol, it relieves anxiety. There's a study that showed that for every drink consumed, people show a 4% reduction in social anxiety. And actually, the way alcohol works in the brain is it turns down the activity of neurons. And it's been shown to do so specifically in the amygdala. It's emotional fight or flight.
Chuck Nice
When you say drink, you mean like the classical drink? A shot, a glass of wine, a bottle of beer? 4% is not much, but if you.
Ben Rhine
Have five of them, now we're talking 20%, 20% down. That's pretty good.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
And at the same time, does it lower inhibition as well?
Ben Rhine
Alcohol makes your brain cells better at turning each other's activity down. Gotcha. And so what happens is what your brain's normally doing that all the time, the brain cell activity or the activity of your brain goes down. And when this happens in, say, the prefrontal cortex, normally a lot of your behavioral inhibitions stem from the prefrontal cortex. You might get an urge to lean over and kiss someone or start a fight, and your prefrontal cortex is like, that's not a good idea. Let's not do that. But those higher level processing areas, their activity is going down, and so they're not quite as effective at shutting down those impulses.
Chuck Nice
So it's not just, are you more sociable, are you more likely to get into a fight?
Ben Rhine
Yes.
Chuck Nice
And both of those can happen here, right?
Ben Rhine
Exactly. That's why I argue that it actually makes us less effective interactors. It reduces social anxiety, it reduces how much distress we feel in interactions. But what that also means is that, for instance, when people are shown negative social cues in research labs and they're given alcohol, their amygdala responds less, so they show less of an emotional reaction to negative social cues. So now let's think about putting that in the context of a bar. You Go to kiss someone. They're showing you a face that tells you, don't kiss me. Your amygdala is not saying this is bad, Right? Exactly.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
You can't resist this. Give us a kiss.
Ben Rhine
You are failing to properly interpret their emotional cues. Right. Or you try to. You know, whatever you say a really inappropriate joke and it doesn't land and it's insulting and you hurt someone's feelings, you're much more likely to brush it off where you just actually did something damaging to a relationship. And so it may make us feel less, but it probably actually makes us act worse because we could become less considerate of others emotions.
Gary O'Reilly
So you've done research with Molly. Mdma, mdma, does that have a positive effect on people's ability to be sociable?
Ben Rhine
Yeah. So the full name, by the way, since we're going there. 3, 4. Methylenedioxymethamphetamine. That's why it's shortened.
Gary O'Reilly
I didn't wanna show off and say that.
Chuck Nice
Yeah, we all knew that.
Ben Rhine
Yeah. It's just a fun one to throw out there. Right. You memorize that. You have to.
Chuck Nice
One more.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
Hear it.
Ben Rhine
Three, four. Methylenedioxy. Methamphetamine.
Chuck Nice
Got it.
Ben Rhine
And you may notice the last couple syllables. Methamphetamine.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
Well, we know what that is.
Ben Rhine
It's very similar. It acts similarly in the brain.
Chuck Nice
Okay.
Ben Rhine
So unlike alcohol, unlike alcohol, MDMA makes people much more social. It's pro social. In fact, it's also been shown to increase empathy. It's one of the only drugs on the planet that's called an empathogen because it enhances empathy. And actually my research.
Chuck Nice
Empathy.
Ben Rhine
Empathogen.
Chuck Nice
That's sneaky there.
Ben Rhine
Yeah. Right.
Chuck Nice
Instead of a pathogen.
Ben Rhine
Yes, empathogen. Thank you. Opposite. Yeah. In my own research at Stanford, in mice, not in humans, showed that the empathogenic properties, this ability to increase empathy, is related to this serotonin release that it drives.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
It does the same thing in us too.
Chuck Nice
Right?
Ben Rhine
It does the same thing. We just don't know yet in humans whether this specific signal that we track down in mice is also the same in humans and responsible for the empathic properties.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
Now, do the mice break out glow sticks and start listening to music while like. And just dance non stop?
Ben Rhine
No, they just like hanging out around each other a lot more. It's really funny. So some research that I didn't do, but another colleague of mine, Boris Heifetz, did. If you have like an arena and there's like a cup here with a mouse underneath it and a cup over here with, like, an object. Right? An inanimate object. And you let a mouse run free in this little chamber, Most mice will kind of spend more time near the other mouse. But if you give that mouse in the middle ecstasy, they will spend way more time over here with the other mouse. But the thing I love about this is if you give the mouse under the cup ecstasy, too. So now they both have ecstasy in their veins. This mouse, even though it's the one in control, will spend even more time near that other mouse. So it's. There's.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
And they're both just up against the cup, like, I love you so much.
Chuck Nice
Wait, wait. Just to be clear, because forgive my. My drug illiteracy here, Ecstasy is the same as mdma.
Ben Rhine
Ecstasy is technically the street version.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
You get the good stuff. It is.
Ben Rhine
I should use mdma. But people know the word ecstasy. Ecstasy is the street version, which can also be mixed with other things, including.
Chuck Nice
Thank you for clarifying that.
Ben Rhine
So, yeah, I'm referring to mdma, the drug MDMA, specifically, because obviously in the lab, we are using pure mdma.
Chuck Nice
So what's the downside of this drug, the love drug?
Ben Rhine
Oh, I mean, what it does is it drives the release of these three neurotransmitters. Serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine. Mostly serotonin and dopamine. And by the way, just want to mention that this is also the same neurotransmitters that are released in social reward. And so it can kind of make sense.
Chuck Nice
Why wouldn't it?
Ben Rhine
MDMA enhances those feelings of connectedness. It's acting on those.
Chuck Nice
And by the way, there's a writer called norephren. Is that what you said?
Ben Rhine
Norepinephrine? Well, it's noradrenaline, but it's norepinephrine.
Chuck Nice
Norepinephrine.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
Norepinephrine.
Ben Rhine
No, Noro Nor and just norepinephrine. Okay, yeah.
Chuck Nice
Saying it like you knew what you were talking about.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
That's what you were talking about.
Chuck Nice
What's the downside?
Ben Rhine
There's. Okay, there's a lot of downsides. I mean, it's not a drug that, like, there's no future for this drug to be taken, like, daily like a prescription. Right. Because it's too toxic. It would not be good for you. It's been shown to disrupt serotonin producing neurons in the brain with, you know, repeated use. It's a really intense, powerful drug that's not necessarily clean for the brain, but it's also sort of demonized it's funny because there's some research where a study decades ago gave MDMA to primates and they found that after giving them some amount of doses, they looked at their brains and they found just holes in their brains. The brains were like eaten away. Turns out the study was published, the news broke and everything. They came back later and they were like, whoops, we mislabeled our vials. That was actually meth that we were giving them. And so it's actually not quite as toxic as meth, but there's this kind of public impression that it will put holes in your brain and stuff, which is not true.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
There are no holes in my brain.
Gary O'Reilly
So is there a chance that the lonely epidemic that we're going through can find a medication that works?
Chuck Nice
Oh, good question.
Ben Rhine
I think so. I mean, so the purpose of the research I did at Stanford was to figure out what part of this MDMA drug that's doing all these things in the brain and body, what specific signal is driving the empathy? And we figured it out. It's serotonin release in the nucleus accumbens, this one particular brain area. So theoretically, if you had a person who wanted to increase their empathy, one of the only ways to do that would be to take mdma. But MDMA has all these off target effects. I mentioned methamphetamine. It's a stimulant. It can have. There are sensitive populations who should not be having this drug. It can be a stress on the heart. And of course, we think of the canonical person on mdma, they're grinding their teeth, they're running around, their pupils are dilated. This is the stimulant component of it. But if we could just have a drug that only stimulates serotonin release in the nucleus accumbens, this one signal that seems to be the part that drives empathy. Maybe that's actually a feasible drug that.
Chuck Nice
People could see in the pharmaceutical.
Ben Rhine
Yeah, right.
Chuck Nice
Portfolio.
Ben Rhine
And maybe that could be something that people take daily if they wanted to. Right. And so it becomes a really difficult philosophical question of like, could this be a cure to our loneliness issue? Because it's like, well, do we need to turn to pharmacological agents for this? I don't think so. You know, I think that Go to.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
Bingo, get a pet.
Gary O'Reilly
Yeah, I know it sounds a little glib, but pets have been seen to be so therapeutic, especially for people that are lonely.
Ben Rhine
Yes. Specifically dogs, in fact, because of similar reason that.
Chuck Nice
Because cats don't give a rat's ass about you.
Ben Rhine
Well, think about the tiger. Right. Cats. Solitary.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
Yep.
Ben Rhine
Dogs are. Through the last 30 or 40,000 years, humans and dogs have evolved together. And so dogs have taken on all these social.
Chuck Nice
And dogs were. And wolves are social animals. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the pets play a role. Yes. As we know. We all know from airplane riding, because people bring their emotional support.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
But there are people who have a deficiency of serotonin or maybe a deficiency of dopamine. So wouldn't that help people like that just to. I mean, there are already SSRIs out there, and there are also dopamine reuptake inhibitors. But wouldn't that help somebody that's in that position where they can't produce it on their own or enough of it or.
Ben Rhine
Yeah, I mean, it's not like a dopamine deficiency or a serotonin deficiency is, like, clearly linked to any one condition.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
Oh, okay.
Ben Rhine
Yeah. So, like, it used to be thought that, like, low serotonin was the cause of depression.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
Gotcha.
Ben Rhine
Not the case. By the way, that doesn't mean SSRIs aren't effective.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
Right.
Ben Rhine
Because the increasing serotonin can act on other systems in the brain. It doesn't have to be that it's low serotonin anyway, so.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
So it's not isolated that way that you can just say, okay, and now you take this and boom, Right?
Chuck Nice
Ssri.
Ben Rhine
Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor.
Chuck Nice
That's what that means.
Ben Rhine
Yeah.
Gary O'Reilly
So.
Ben Rhine
So SSRIs increase serotonin signaling between neurons. Selectively selective to serotonin. By the way, I was gonna say this. When we think about dogs, maybe they could fill that void. Or having a pet. So when you look into the eyes of a dog, both you and the dog will probably produce oxytocin. That's what research says.
Chuck Nice
And that will not happen in a wolf.
Ben Rhine
Will not happen in a wolf, I assure you. And that's true. It will not happen in a wolf. I'm not sure if the human produces oxytocin. The wolf definitely does not. But the reason that matters, because I mentioned earlier that, you know, we have the benefits of interaction and the detriment of isolation. When we think about the benefit of interaction, oxytocin is one of those signals that we think of oxytocin as this, like, love hormone. And this social bonding, which it is, it drives that social reward, which makes us feel good around people. But oxytocin also has a bunch of, like, therapeutic properties around the body. So it's actually been referred to as nature's medicine by certain researchers because it can be anti inflammatory, neuroprotective. There's research showing that it can support like immune function, bone growth, all sorts of things which it makes sense because when you are, let's say, raising a child, you are producing a ton of oxytocin bonding with the child. Also, it's important for you to be healthy to protect the child. When you have a romantic partner and you are in position to reproduce, it's important for you to be healthy so you can successfully reproduce. It's like an evolutionary mechanism so that when we are connecting with others, our bodies are becoming more healthy. And so on the topic of dogs, dogs have been shown to drive oxytocin release in humans. So if you're looking to sort of supplement some of that connection you've lost out on, a dog could actually hit that molecular mechanism.
Gary O'Reilly
So if we're looking at long term loneliness being detrimental to your health, possibly even taking you all the way to the finish line early, is it patient, heal thyself, patient, or are we in need of community? Are we in need of the support groups? And if so, where are they going to come from? Because if there's an epidemic of loneliness, then are we in need of these things?
Ben Rhine
I think it's the kind of thing that we can do on our own. You know, like, I think that actually it's been a lot of external forces in society and culture that have driven us to this point. You know, I tend to blame personally this, I call it the automation of everything. Right? You can do anything now online. You know, our first podcast was online. You can go to, you can go to the bank and take out money with an ATM without talking to a person. You can order groceries without interacting with your community. You can even tour a house on Zillow without going to the house. You can do telemedicine, you can do anything online, basically. And we have, I think, stripped away all of these sort of micro interactions that we used to have in our lives. They're just no longer there. And so we've kind of been like persuaded into this position by the convenience of these services. But I think that's kind of happened without us really noticing. Plus you had Covid in there and then the whole thing explodes. But what says that we can't get ourselves out? I think that if people understood the significance of isolation in terms of the health effects and the way it affects their brains, I think that they would care more. It's almost like if we were living in a world where nobody understood what it's like to have sleep deprivation. What would society be? How much different would the world be if science had not discovered that getting four hours of sleep a night is bad for you? Right. Or that eating an unhealthy diet is bad for you? Like, I think we've gotten there with sort of educating the general public about the importance of these various features, but I don't think that people truly understand the significance of socializing in that context. And so I'm hoping that maybe we can.
Chuck Nice
So that public awareness is being presented in your latest book.
Ben Rhine
That's right.
Chuck Nice
Is this your first book?
Ben Rhine
That is my first book.
Chuck Nice
And your only book.
Ben Rhine
And my only book, yeah.
Chuck Nice
Okay. The brain is an endless frontier.
Ben Rhine
It is.
Chuck Nice
So this surely will not be your last book.
Ben Rhine
That's right.
Chuck Nice
Definitely not why Brains Need Friends, the Neuroscience of Social Connection.
Ben Rhine
And that book is actually exactly what I just described, and it's accessible for anyone. The first page is a no big words clause. It's my clause where I say, I will not use big words. I promise.
Chuck Nice
You guys are especially guilty of that.
Ben Rhine
I know. I'm mad at my field for it.
Chuck Nice
Good.
Ben Rhine
I'm mad at all of science for it. The jargon is unnecessary, but it's meant for anybody to read.
Chuck Nice
And we got good words. My people, big bang, black hole.
Ben Rhine
You also mentioned that in your book. You know, quark is a.
Chuck Nice
No, no. There's some. But they're fun words. Even if they're a little obscure. They're not multisyllabic words like dorsolateral prefrontal.
Ben Rhine
Cortex or norepinephrine or 3,4 methylene dioxy methamphetamine. That one's out of control, honestly.
Chuck Nice
So what is the cost to our life expectancy if you're lonely?
Ben Rhine
So there are studies tracking hundreds of thousands of people over, like, a decade.
Chuck Nice
That's a good number. That's a good time.
Ben Rhine
It's a strong number.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
And a good time.
Ben Rhine
And a good time. Yeah. For a decade. And just looking at pure mortality, who died and what they found is that those who are the most socially isolated were 50% more likely to die by any cause within that decade window.
Chuck Nice
That's quite an indictment.
Ben Rhine
It is. And, I mean, there's a lot more than that. Right. Those who are isolated are at higher risk of dementia.
Chuck Nice
Yeah.
Ben Rhine
Cardiac disease, diabetes, Interestingly, because there's not.
Chuck Nice
Someone else in the place saying, don't eat that. Yeah, well, it's always the annoying other person you're living with that's checking out what you eat that makes you healthy.
Ben Rhine
And that's actually interesting too because there's studies showing that in people diagnosed with colorectal cancer, those who are married are 28% more likely to survive. There are certain forms of cancer that being married is actually a stronger predictor of life, of survival than chemotherapy. And part of it, by the way, that doesn't mean chemotherapy doesn't work. Part of it is because their partner is saying, please do chemotherapy.
Chuck Nice
Plus, even in unhappy marriages, they're probably yelling at each other all the time. You're definitely not lonely there, right?
Neil deGrasse Tyson
You just want to die.
Ben Rhine
No comment. I also, I worry particularly about older people. There are studies, you know, as we age, at least in America, we get more and more isolated. It's just the way our culture works. We spend less time with others. And I think that's a shame and a tragedy because we are entering this period of isolation where isolation is making us more prone to all these conditions and negative outcomes, while we're also becoming more sensitive as we get older.
Chuck Nice
This is the value of retirement centers where there's a social network there.
Ben Rhine
Yeah. And so I mentioned the 50% number. And by the way, there's other studies showing 30% higher risk of mortality. 50% is the 1 in 300,000 people. But in people above 65, social isolation is linked to a 78% higher risk of death in men and 57% higher in women and isolated. Seniors are more prone to dementia. And if they're isolated, their memory declines twice as fast as wow.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
But does it make a difference if you are spending time with more old people or is it just family or go find some young people to hang out with. Does it make a difference, your social network or just have a social network?
Chuck Nice
In graduate school, I was in an apartment complex. It was an 80 year old lady that lived there. And we're all convinced we just kept her alive.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
Yes. Cause she was stealing your blood while you were still.
Ben Rhine
So actually, look, just the energy, you.
Chuck Nice
Know, everyone is young, she's got energy, there's parties at night, and no one is just walking slow talking about their health.
Ben Rhine
Right. I think probably, I mean, interacting with younger people may be helpful. There's actually a really interesting study, it's in mice. But it's the only way they could do this type of controlled experiment where they took old mice and they would have those mice interact with younger mice who are like adult age for just 15 minutes a day. And they found that those mice, they lived 33% longer if they interacted for just 15 minutes a day. So you may have actually extended the life of that woman in your.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
Yeah, look at that.
Ben Rhine
Yeah.
Chuck Nice
Yeah. So if you come upon a lonely person, are you assuming they don't want to be lonely? And if that's true, that they don't want to be lonely, how do you get socialized if you're no longer in middle school or high school, just as an adult, what do you recommend here?
Ben Rhine
One thing that's important to recognize is that when people become lonely, their brains actually start processing social information differently in a way that makes them continue to be lonely. Often, you know, when lonelier people actually experience less social reward from interactions, they show lower rise in oxytocin after interacting, they struggle with slippery slope. Yeah. And so it's very likely that for someone who's really isolated and very lonely, when they say, you know what? I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna go to this party, I'm gonna see people, and they feel horrible that that could just continue to spiral. And so it's likely that you may need a few interactions to sort of bump yourself out of that. So to answer your question, you know, does a lonely person mean that they're craving interaction? Not necessarily. They may have sort of distanced themselves from that desire, but if they want.
Chuck Nice
To lead a longer, happier life, they should figure out how to do this. But I don't know that there are classes on how to be socialized. But when I grew up, both of my parents were highly social. They were entertaining. We had people coming in every week. So I was exposed to that from very early, that this is what people do. We talk to each other, we hang out, tell jokes, have fun. And so I didn't know a life different from that growing up. But as an adult, I mean, how would one adjust?
Neil deGrasse Tyson
I think you have to find a community first. Like, that's the first step. It's like, step outside of your daily routine and find a community, no matter how small it is, and then, like, interact with those people on a consistent basis and then try to expand from there. But the first step is just finding a small community with something that you like to do.
Chuck Nice
Did I ask you this question?
Neil deGrasse Tyson
Were you.
Chuck Nice
I didn't know.
Ben Rhine
Hey, that's a good answer. No, I agree. Because it's ideal if you can find a community where you have something in common. Because, as I mentioned, the brain treats people differently if they're perceived as different from you. And I think having something in common, you know, and it can be that you really love mountain biking, and it's a mountain biking club. You know, it doesn't have to be like religion or whatever. It could be anything, because first off, that allows you to enter the room and meet those people and feel more comfortable because, you know, you have something in common. You know that their brain is going to treat you favorably because you have something in common with them. And I think also in today's very divided America, at least, I think when we can meet someone and the first thing that we perceive about them is that they are similar to us in this one way, it kind of allows us to pocket all those other perceived differences that often get in the way.
Chuck Nice
Is there a simple way out of this?
Ben Rhine
I hate to say it because it's like, it's so obvious, like, what's the problem? Or what's the solution to our social problem? Well, we should socialize. That seems obvious. Like, all right, yeah, wrap it up. But I think what's really important for people to recognize is that our brains have a lot of pitfalls where we happen to be very bad at estimating socializing. What's gonna happen, how we're gonna feel, how they're gonna respond to us. There's all sorts of evidence on this. We expect that people are going to reject our advance at a conversation, when in truth, that very rarely happens. We expect that giving someone a compliment is going to be weird. They appreciate it. We expect that the longer we stay in a conversation, the worse it's going to get, when in reality, that doesn't happen. And we expect that after we leave, if we try to think to ourselves, oh, how much did that person like me? We almost always underestimate that we actually are better liked than we expect. And so I think my advice is, like, your brain kind of sucks at socializing, by the way.
Chuck Nice
I remembered distinctly all of that in high school, and I had to learn more about what people were actually thinking and feeling to realize how on the negative side, I was in interpreting the entire social exchange.
Ben Rhine
Right. And people also tend to underestimate their own social skills, too. If you ask them, how are you relative to the average person? Most people will say below average. And so I think we put all these obstacles in our way where we tend to think this is not gonna go well. And so I think when you think about that dilemma of, it's Friday night, you've been invited out, you're sitting on the couch, your TV's right there, and it's like, ah, do I really get dressed and drive to this interaction? And then all of a sudden those barricades start popping up. Oh, you know, the person's not gonna like me. I'm gonna say something weird. You know, you can place all these barricades in front of yourself that are actually just fake. They're actually just made up.
Gary O'Reilly
Is it a fear of rejection?
Ben Rhine
I think it is.
Chuck Nice
I think so.
Ben Rhine
Because I think, again, if you think about this, we are evolutionarily sort of built for connection in tribe, existing in tribes. If we fail in an interaction and we are rejected by our tribe, there is a significant consequence associated with that.
Chuck Nice
You're dead.
Ben Rhine
And so our brains kicked out of the cave.
Chuck Nice
Again, kicked out of the cave.
Ben Rhine
And so our brains are wise to always be thinking, I want to put my best foot forward. But that often creates unnecessary anxiety. And so if you're a person who experiences social anxiety, you're not alone. This is almost ubiquitous in the human race. Like, everybody experiences some level. Obviously, everyone is kind of different on that, but it's natural to feel that way. And my big sort of prescriptive takeaway is to not fear it. Just enter. And I promise you, and most people have experienced this, when you do go to that event, you actually feel better at the end than you expected.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
Okay. All right, get out there, people.
Chuck Nice
He's gonna be a great dad.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
Yes. He knows next month, and he's about to have the baby.
Gary O'Reilly
Yeah.
Chuck Nice
Your first kid.
Ben Rhine
Your first kid. Yeah.
Chuck Nice
Well, your first kid is gonna come at the same time as your first book.
Ben Rhine
Two weeks apart.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
Two children birthed at the same time. Yeah. Nice.
Ben Rhine
I'm terrified. I'm not gonna lie.
Chuck Nice
This one will help you pay your rent, and the other will be the opposite of that. All right, dude. Thanks for coming on StarTalk.
Ben Rhine
Thank you for having me.
Chuck Nice
It's a second time.
Ben Rhine
Yeah, thanks for having me.
Gary O'Reilly
Twice.
Chuck Nice
Okay. This has been another installment of StarTalk Special Edition. I'm Neil Degrasse Tyson, your personal astrophysicist.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
Gary Chuck, always a pleasure.
Chuck Nice
Thank you. All right, until next time. Keep looking up.
Ben Rhine
The fight for our future starts with.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
Belief in our nation and its promise.
Ben Rhine
In our future and its potential.
Neil deGrasse Tyson
Together, we answer America's call to win.
Ben Rhine
We are marines. We were made for this.
Host: Neil deGrasse Tyson
Guests: Ben Rein (Neuroscientist), Chuck Nice (Comic Co-host), Gary O’Reilly (Commentator)
Date: October 31, 2025
This episode dives into the science of loneliness with neuroscientist Dr. Ben Rein, exploring how social isolation affects both brain chemistry and physical health. The conversation ranges from the emotional mechanics of loneliness versus isolation, how social interaction—or its lack—alters our neurobiology, and even the ways drugs (from SSRIs to MDMA) and pets can substitute or boost social bonds. Woven with humor and personal anecdotes, the discussion aims to distill practical advice for mitigating the growing “loneliness epidemic” in modern society.
Isolation is the objective state of being physically alone, while loneliness is the subjective feeling that social needs aren’t being met.
Example: Astronaut Michael Collins’ experience in lunar orbit was isolation, not necessarily loneliness.
Humans are inherently social; isolation is stressful, triggering the release of cortisol (the stress hormone).
Comparison: Solitary animals (like tigers) are stressed by company, not by being alone.
Social interaction is inherently rewarding, mediated by oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine—the “social reward” chemicals.
Chronic loneliness leads to persistently high cortisol, which paradoxically causes the body to ignore its anti-inflammatory effects, resulting in chronic inflammation and disease vulnerability.
Study Highlight: Mice housed alone experienced worse brain damage from strokes due to higher inflammation—reversed when inflammation was blocked.
Extroverts tend to be happier and live longer, but “forced” social interaction is not healthy for introverts; everyone has a unique “social battery.”
The “Big Five” personality traits include extroversion; people can self-assess social needs with personality quizzes.
Virtual interactions strip away vital social cues (eye contact, body language, scent), making them less fulfilling than in-person encounters.
Data show moods are improved more by real-life interaction, but any connection is better than none.
Empathy is measured in the brain and modulated by feelings of in-group/out-group; propaganda and digital communication can dull empathy, facilitating hostility and even war.
“When we are not experiencing these social cues online, there's no reason that the empathy areas in our brain should turn on. And so this could potentially explain why there's such hostility online.” – Ben Rein [39:33]
Painkillers, like acetaminophen, reduce not just physical pain but empathy and “social pain”.
Alcohol lowers social anxiety but impairs interpretation of social cues and can make people less considerate.
MDMA (Ecstasy) is a unique “empathogen,” making users more social and empathetic by releasing serotonin and dopamine. However, chronic use is toxic.
Medications are being studied, but a better solution is reinforcing social habits, finding new communities, or caring for pets (especially dogs, which co-evolved as social animals).
Socializing is essential for health, as vital as proper sleep or diet—lack of it raises risk of mortality, dementia, cardiac disease, diabetes, and more.
This episode delivers a compelling mix of science, practical wisdom, and wit on one of society's most pressing mental health issues. The advice? Despite our “socially lazy” brains and the allure of isolation, get up, get out there, and connect—your life may depend on it.
For additional insights and full context, listen to the complete episode on StarTalk Radio.