#153 - Caleb Hearon

Summary

Stavvy’s World #153 – Caleb Hearon
November 3, 2025

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Main Theme & Purpose

In this lively episode, comedian and host Stavros Halkias is joined by returning guest Caleb Hearon for a loose, hilarious, and deeply relatable conversation. Together, they reflect on their changing lives as comedians with newfound success, class/status anxieties, Midwest and Baltimore upbringings, the meaning of being a "man of the people," relationships, queerness, grief, and the importance of being a good hang. As always, they answer listener voicemails with compassion, absurdity, and honesty.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. From Humble Beginnings to (Temporary) High Society

[02:21 – 09:42]

• Caleb jokes about how much Stavros' circumstances have upgraded since his last visit, from a “cracked den” with “rats in leather jackets” to a posh apartment with a doorman.
  • Caleb: “The last time I did the podcast, I showed up to a cracked den... three rats in leather jackets twirling chains." [03:07]
  • Stavi admits to subletting a rich man’s fancy apartment and "cosplaying as a wealthy captain of industry,” yet feels like an outsider in such rich spaces.
  • Discussion about imposter syndrome, feeling out of place among generational wealth:
    • Stavi: “Any rich space is a space of evil... These people are fucking stupid. Nobody here deserves to be here.” [08:46]
  • They joke about finding Nancy Pelosi memorabilia in the trash, emphasizing the bizarre perks of wealth.
• The feeling of “not supposed to be here,” whether in fancy apartments or among Ivy League types.
  • Caleb shares his insecurity about entering elite spaces as a state school kid during a New York internship.

2. Success, Class Guilt, and Staying "Relatable"

[09:43 – 15:10]

• Both comedians reflect on their financial success and upward mobility.
  • Stavi: “We both... hit the lottery. Each generation, there is a fat straight and a fat gay that get to win, and it happens to be us—white division, by the way.”
• Jokes about their “destined” lives: running family restaurants or Midwest craft stores; how comedy upended those paths.
• Candid talk about buying a loaded RAV4, test-driving luxury SUVs as a bigger guy, and the class contradictions.
• The comic side of still feeling like working-class people even amid success.

3. Cracking the Code of Privilege

[11:33 – 16:51]

• Caleb’s experience as one of a handful of state school kids at an otherwise Ivy League internship:
  • “I talked to five [Ivy Leaguers] and realized, oh, everything I thought about the world is wrong. These people are not smarter than me... They're not special. They just wound up at this better place.” [12:35]
  • The lengths they took for opportunities (“I had a full LinkedIn, DMing people for informational interviews”).
  • The class dynamics of internships designed for those who can afford to work without pay.

4. Dreams of Alternate Lives & Comedy Roots

[18:05 – 25:25]

• Imagining alternate “hometown” lives if comedy hadn’t worked out: running the Greek restaurant/Joanne’s Fabrics/drama club.
• Stavi and Caleb reminisce about their early years—the pivotal moments of choosing comedy over “regular” jobs.
• Heartfelt jokes about humble lives actually being rewarding: “You're poor in the bank, but you’re rich in the soul, you know? Fully, that does sound pretty good.” [21:30]

5. Middle/High School Memories: Assembly Trauma

[27:45 – 31:10]

• Memories of anti-drunk-driving school assemblies: staged crashes, grim reaper mascots, and sledgehammer fundraisers.
  • Caleb: "They would have your classmate splayed out by the car and the mom and dad weeping—the whole school would watch." [28:25]
• The casual normalization of drinking and driving in their hometowns.

6. Youthful Relationship Fails and the ‘Friend Zone’

[33:11 – 38:37]

• Sharing painfully funny stories of romantic awkwardness.
  • Stavi: "My most pathetic one that actually worked was, ‘Want to come back and have some fruit salad?’...” [38:16]
  • Caleb’s legendary “four goodbye hugs” date. Both express how much they’ve grown—and still relate to youthful insecurity.
• The “long game” of hoping for attention via friendship—a dynamic echoed for both straight and gay teens.
  • Caleb: “Don’t spend your time wanting people who cannot or will not want you back.” [35:47]
  • Stavi: “For you, it was a different orientation; for me, it was just that I was that unfuckable.”

7. Coming Out, Sexual Experimentation, and Desire

[39:10 – 44:23]

• Caleb jokes about his Facebook “coming out as bi,” friends’ reactions, and how much it meant.
  • “To be so, like, sure of it... I told my cool aunt I was bi, and she just went: ‘Okay.’” [39:42]
• Stavi muses about possible sexual openness (“If a feminine enough man wants to suck me off and the vibes are right...”)
• Discussion about “size queens,” body aesthetics, and sexual preferences.
  • Caleb: “Dick size doesn’t matter to me... In fact, I don’t like a dick that’s too big... It starts to affect my next day.” [42:00/43:19]
  • Stavi: “This is the kind of bipartisan... reaching across the aisle we need—the gay community, the straight community: Down with huge dicks.” [46:33]

8. The Art of Being a Good Hang

[48:01 – 49:38]

• Why can’t everyone just be cooler?
  • Caleb: “I feel in you, and I recognize in myself—I'm like, I can get along with anybody, and I’m pretty unbothered. Why can’t everyone just be cooler?” [48:14]
  • Stavi attributes it to being “hangout-focused guys”—the lost art of just being a good hang—crediting unsupervised, working-class upbringings for their social skills.
• Lamenting how social media has made people less able to hang and connect—everything feels “sucks dick, dude.” [52:28]

9. Advice Segment – Voicemail Highlights

a. Open Relationship Nerves

[59:44 – 66:12]

• Caller: 21, girlfriend encourages sex with other women if emotionless—she’d even like to watch.
  • Caleb: “Basically, I’m dating the coolest girl in the world, but I’m scared.” [61:49]
  • Stavi: “This is a gift from God... Unwrap it, man. Open Pandora’s box—nothing bad happens.” [62:11]
  • Advice: Enjoy it while you can; you’re young, it probably won’t last, but go for it.

b. Divorce, Identity, and Boundaries

[66:20 – 77:48]

• Caller: Getting divorced after discovering (via gaslighting, drugs, cross-dressing, and pegging) her husband’s hidden life. Feeling shamed for not being “into it.”
  • Caleb: “No, you don’t have to be into pegging your husband in a bra and panties. Of course not.” [70:35]
  • Stavi emphasizes compassion for both parties: “Give her a little venom for a while, but in the end, move on. He’s an opioid addict/cross-dresser in Oklahoma—not an easy guy to be.” [75:54]
  • They praise sexual open-mindedness, but validate choosing your own boundaries.

c. Surrounded by Death—Am I Cursed?

[78:59 – 86:39]

• Caller: 28, immense loss—family, friends, multiple deaths.
  • Caleb: “Sometimes you just have to be sad… But…if you wake up able to move your own body in a house…with clean water… you are like, the top 1% of people who have ever lived.” [85:29]
  • Stavi: “You are not cursed—statistically, some people have awesome lives… some people have bad shit happen to them.” [82:20]
  • Advice: Seek therapy, show yourself grace, and try to live well in honor of those lost.

d. The Return of Bush

[89:36 – 93:09]

• Caller (from the queer PNW): Is “the bush” back? What’s the cis/straight read on pubic hair?
  • Stavi: “It does feel like Bush is having a huge moment… at least you know, I’ve heard rumors... the bushometer is trending towards full bush.” [91:43]
  • Caleb: “I've always found it weird when someone has a problem with pubic hair…”
  • Both agree: Preferences are personal, but demanding a partner’s grooming style is weird. “Let’s find out on the day.” [93:09]

e. Ethical Mischief with an Ex’s Boyfriend

[95:37 – 100:57]

• Caller: Should I pay my ex’s new boyfriend’s felony hit-and-run fine a dollar at a time to mess with them?
  • Stavi: “Absolutely, this is insane. You need to f***ing move on. You’re helping him!” [99:47]
  • Caleb: “He already got his. He hit and ran. You need to move on.” [97:00]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Each generation, there's a fat straight and a fat gay that get to win this lottery, and it happens to be us. White division, by the way.”
  — Stavi [05:56]

• “I want to hug this guy so bad.”
  — Caleb, responding to the ‘Am I cursed?’ caller [81:22]

• “If you wake up able to move your own body…you are like the top 1% of people who have ever lived.”
  — Caleb [85:29]

• “This is the kind of bipartisan... reaching across the aisle we need: the gay community, the straight community—down with huge dicks.”
  — Stavi [46:33]

• “Let’s not kid about the angles. There’s a lot of angles and folds there.”
  — Caleb [94:21] (on fat guys trying to shave their balls)

• “You have to stop. You have to fully move on or you’re insane. This is fucking crazy.”
  — Stavi [99:39] (about stalking ex’s new man’s legal records)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [02:21] — Show proper begins, discussing class mobility & impostor syndrome
• [08:53] — "Nobody here deserves to be here" in high society
• [12:35] — Caleb’s Ivy League internship social experiment
• [18:05] — Alternate universe: local crafts store, drama club leader
• [28:25] — Drunk driving high school assemblies
• [33:11] — Long game romance and being “friend-zoned”
• [38:16] — “Want to come back and have some fruit salad?”
• [39:42] — Coming out “as bi” on Facebook
• [42:00] — On sexual preference and big dicks
• [46:33] — “Down with huge dicks”— bi/straight solidarity
• [48:14] — "Why can't everyone just be cooler?"
• [61:49] — Voicemail: Open relationship nerves
• [70:35] — Voicemail: Cross-dressing, divorce, and sexual boundaries
• [78:59] — Voicemail: “Am I cursed?”—Excessive loss and grief
• [89:36] — Voicemail: Return of “the bush”
• [95:37] — Voicemail: Ethical schadenfreude/pranking your ex

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Tone & Style

The episode is brash, warm, self-mocking, and honest—the comedians are quick-witted, compassionate, but never precious. Expect plenty of absurd tangents, vulnerable admissions, and vulgar (often touching) insight. Both hosts deploy humor to explore deeper social themes, from class/status and queerness to generational trauma and the value of being a real, decent hang.

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Perfect For...

• Fans of irreverent, heartfelt comedy
• Listeners wrestling with class guilt, impostor syndrome, or upward mobility
• Anyone in their 20s–30s dealing with relationship ambiguity, grief, or the search for "realness"
• Queer listeners, and anyone interested in honest talk about sex, boundaries, and identity
• People who just want to laugh at stories of youth, bad dates, and the struggle to “make it”

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Listen for: Jokes at the expense of AI, class privilege, “Midwestern sensibility,” and Ethan’s (Eldis’s) AV skills. Takeaways: Life is absurd, losses are inevitable, but being a good hang never goes out of style.

Transcript

[Stavi]

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[Caller]

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[Caleb]

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[Stavi]

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[Caleb]

That's why you rack mint is still.

[Stavi]

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[Caleb]

And if you haven't made the switch yet, here are 15 reasons why you should. One, it's $15 a month. Two, seriously, it's $15 a month. Three, no big contracts. Four, I use it. Five, my mom uses it. Are you, are you playing me off? That's what's happening, right? Okay, give it a [e-mail] Switch upfront payment of $45 for a three month plan. $15 per month equivalent required. New customer offer first three months only. Then full price plan options available, taxes and fees. Ext mobile.com.

[Stavi]

Hello folks, we have an incredible episode with my pal Caleb coming up in just a second. You're going to love it. But first I want to let you know the Dream Boat tour is back for 2026. If we didn't come to your city last year, we're coming this year. Lot over 30 new cities. Plus we're doing a little November run. So. So this week coming up, Memphis on the 6th, Huntsville on the 7th. And then we also have a couple tickets left for Boston in December. But in 2026, we're coming to Tampa, Hollywood, Florida, Red Bank, New Jersey, Philly, Burlington, Vermont, Buffalo. We're coming to Lexington, Ohio. Des moines, Springfield, Missouri, St. Louis, all over the place. Minnesota, Rockford, Illinois, Biloxi. Oh, baby. New York, New York, Radio City Music Hall. I'm pumped about that. Orlando, Jacksonville. I mean, it goes on and on. Atlanta, Morgantown, Fort Wayne, Bloomington, Detroit, Grand Rapids, Milwaukee, Providence, Rochester. Good googly moogly. We're coming to a lot of towns. Get your tickets now. We will see you then. And right now, enjoy the podcast with Caleb.

[Caleb]

Papa.

[Stavi]

Welcome Everybody to Stavi's World. 904-800. Stop. Call in. We'll solve your problems. Returning to the show, our good friend, Caleb Heron. How you doing, buddy? Give him the cheers, Elvis. Give him the cheers.

[Caleb]

Hey, dude, how's it going?

[Stavi]

Good, man. You know, this is, it's not early, but it's the first thing I'm doing today. Yeah, so it feels like it's 7am in my head. I'm.

[Caleb]

I want to tell the listeners it almost couldn't be later in the day.

[Stavi]

It's 11:20. It could be quite later.

[Caleb]

I'm worried about you.

[Stavi]

Yeah, go ahead.

[Caleb]

I just want to start there.

[Stavi]

Let's get into it.

[Caleb]

Because you've changed.

[Stavi]

Okay. Yep.

[Caleb]

The last time I did the podcast, I showed up to a cracked in.

[Stavi]

Right. Yes. There was no front. The front door didn't lock.

[Caleb]

I showed up and there were three rats in leather jackets twirling chains and shaking. Dice told me that I look lost. That's right.

[Stavi]

That's right.

[Caleb]

I come here today. You have a door person and he's. And he's like, door man.

[Stavi]

Let's relax a little.

[Caleb]

He's excited. He's excited to be the doorman.

[Stavi]

He's the man.

[Caleb]

He's. He's like. He like. I. I came in and you know how a lot of door people in New York, they sit. They sit at the desk and they go, whatever. He jumped up and he goes, how can I help you, sir?

[Stavi]

He's the man.

[Caleb]

You've changed.

[Stavi]

Look, dude, what can I say? I'm subletting an insane rich man's apartment for six months. I'm cosplaying, being like a wealthy captain of industry.

[Caleb]

We weren't supposed to be in these spaces. Not at all. Don't you feel?

[Stavi]

But I told you this. You. You're six years younger than me. You. I know where you are. I was 30 and about to get rich and being like, it'll never happen to me.

[Caleb]

No, I'm. I'm a man. I'm.

[Stavi]

I'm a salt of the earth. And you're clinging hard to it. It's very hard. It's important for you as particularly your image to cling hard to it. You know what I mean? And don't get me wrong, Me too. On some level from Baltimore, I talk about inequality is a big problem. I listen. I bought a new car. I bought a RAV4. Yeah. Now was that.

[Caleb]

Now was it a.

[Stavi]

$55,000 was the absolute highest RAV4 possible. Loaded. RAV4. I want. I needed the cameras up top so that I could, you know, parallel park with ease. I've been a pedestrian in New York for too long. I've lost. I've lost my ability to just fucking.

[Caleb]

I've lost friends.

[Stavi]

I've lost it all. But. And did I test drive every luxury SUV and was too fat for the seats?

[Caleb]

Yes, but no, no, I'm a man of the people.

[Stavi]

But is what it is, it allowed me to pivot back to being a man of the people. I was getting ready to make that move. You know, we were. We were about to reach out to the. The Trump administration's press secretary and say, I know he's not running, but could the big man squeeze us? Could the big man squeeze, in Stavi's world, Stavi.

[Caleb]

Can Stavi have him on the show? Can Stavi throw him some softball questions that make it look like he has no point of view?

[Stavi]

Humanize a piece of shit?

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Could I pretend a pedophile is not a pedophile?

[Caleb]

So you don't think immigrants are people? What? Tell me about that.

[Stavi]

Yeah. And as an immigrant, I agree.

[Caleb]

Yeah, whatever it takes.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

No, I don't. I hate what I'm seeing from you. I saw you. I'm going to be really, really honest.

[Stavi]

Yeah, go ahead.

[Caleb]

As your friend. I saw you in the tuxedo on the carpet at can.

[Stavi]

Right.

[Caleb]

I felt. I felt sick.

[Stavi]

Okay. Bookmark this, Ellis. When the Devil wears product 2 premiere comes out. Let's just clip this exact moment when he's got. When he sees my Emma Stone and Alicia Silverstone and raises me. Meryl Streep when he does that. Let's just go ahead and mark this moment down. Elder, please.

[Caleb]

So unlikable.

[Stavi]

Just admit, you know, we both. We hit the. Each generation there is a fat straight and a fat gay. Yeah. That get to win this lottery. And it happens to be us. White division, by the way. Each generation. And it gets to be us. And I need you to stop acting like that's not what's happening to you.

[Caleb]

You know, I. I have nothing. I have no defenses. I have no defenses. Before we started the episode, you took a bathroom break and I was texting a contractor for my house.

[Stavi]

Yeah, that's right.

[Caleb]

Being like, what do you mean you can't come over today? It's bad.

[Stavi]

You should be. Yeah, I mean, we both. I should be about to inherit my family's Greek restaurant. I should be a 36 year old man who still takes orders from his elderly mother. You should be running. You should be running a Michaels in Kansas City.

[Caleb]

If even.

[Stavi]

Yeah, it was looking like Joanne's Fabrics. You should be giving everybody a pep talk at Joanne's Fabrics.

[Caleb]

Hey, guys. Let's care a little, huh?

[Stavi]

It's spooky season.

[Caleb]

Why does seven look like.

[Stavi]

And we've escaped that, man. And we're both property owners in our hometowns and property renters in the Better cities we fled to. Yeah.

[Caleb]

I just don't like the way it looks on you. I. I think I'm doing it in a more humble kind of approachable course. And then I show up to your. You've got the help. You've got the help. Guiding me through the building.

[Stavi]

That's eldest.

[Caleb]

Crazy.

[Stavi]

You're talking about Eldest. And he can't help that either. No, he's. This is the Albanian lottery, is being the help for a Greek, but who happens to be in podcasting instead of in. Two generations ago, he would have been tilling the fields. He would have been at the olive groves personally, shaking down olive trees.

[Caleb]

I'm like Chris Tucker and Friday, I'd be like, I'd be playing mind games with Debo. He told me to shut the fuck up.

[Stavi]

I do it. But then he leaves.

[Caleb]

I just start talking again.

[Stavi]

I'll do.

[Caleb]

I'll shut the fuck up. Think about me.

[Stavi]

That's right. That is right. But no, you know, it's nice having. It is. It does feel weird to have nice things living in a building like this. I do legitimately feel like every day you feel like you snuck in.

[Caleb]

You know what I mean?

[Stavi]

Where. It's like, why I'm here.

[Caleb]

Yeah. There are certain people when. When I. There are spaces I'm in that I legitimate, legitimately am. Like, no one in here should have to see me.

[Stavi]

Right. I can't.

[Caleb]

I can't believe these people. And they have to, like, be. They have to be kind of nice to me.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah.

[Caleb]

He's like, very fancy people, you know.

[Stavi]

Right, right.

[Caleb]

They kind of have to be nice to me because I'm, like, paying the bill.

[Stavi]

Of course.

[Caleb]

That's crazy.

[Stavi]

It is. It is crazy. Yeah, I know, I know. I just. And you see. But then you get into the thing. I will say, when you get into, like, a rich zone. Yeah. Where it's like, you're like, oh, these people are fucking stupid.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Like, nobody here deserves to be here. You know what I mean? Like, nobody ever. Somebody's dad bought the. You know, somebody's in. Fine. There's a 20. There's any young person in this building. 100%. Their family's rich.

[Caleb]

100.

[Stavi]

I mean, and then the old people, it's like there, you either get very young Nepo style stuff or you have, like, old people that are so old that it's like, whatever you did to make your money 70 years ago, no chance. It was chill.

[Caleb]

Some evil was done.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

Evil.

[Stavi]

Absolute. We are the halls. Any rich spaces is a Space of evil.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

I found a DNC in the trash here. I found a dnc. Like, it was like an autographed, like, memorabilia from when they were practicing their speech. I have Nancy Pelosi's autograph in my kitchen right now. Yeah. And that's the kind of building it is.

[Caleb]

You're going through the trash.

[Stavi]

My. It's a trash room. You go down there, you put cardboard and stuff in, and you see Nancy Pelosi's autograph gleaming at you.

[Caleb]

And it makes me feel better for a second to know that at least you're going through the trash here.

[Stavi]

Dude, there's good trash in these buildings. There is incredible trash in these buildings.

[Caleb]

When I walked in to this building, I did. I got to witness one of my favorite things, which is a wealthy white woman trying to be cool, right? And she. She was doing that thing that rich white ladies do to. To, like, the doorman, where she was like. She was like. She was like, oh, my God. How are we.

[Stavi]

You know?

[Caleb]

And he has to paint on that, like, yes, ma'. Am. And I was just. I was looking at him. I was like, brother, I'm so sorry.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

And she was like, okay, I'm here to grab that. Thank you. You know, and it was like, God, girl, you could just be like, hey, how's it going?

[Stavi]

Totally.

[Caleb]

But it's that, like, high off, hyping.

[Stavi]

Yourself up for it.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

She's walking in, like, don't embarrass yourself in front of a Dominican. That's what she's saying to herself.

[Caleb]

She's like, be one of the good ones. Be one of the good ones. It's humiliated and it's, like, condescending in a new way.

[Stavi]

Of course. Yeah, of course. Well, don't get me wrong. The first two weeks I was here, I got a lot of, like. Like, sideways looks. Like, what? I'm tank topped up.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

I come here in the summer.

[Caleb]

Who's getting work done on the gym?

[Stavi]

Right, right, right. Whose contract. It's casual Friday for this contractor. The guy who's gonna unclog the grease traps in my fucking. From my Viking range. I guess he's going to Pilates afterwards. I guess we caught him in between.

[Caleb]

Somewhere in the building's having cement laid. I don't know why this guy is here, but this is not looking good.

[Stavi]

Yeah, absolutely. But that is nice. I do like lowering. Just kind of reminding people, like, you're not fucking. The trappings of wealth are all. It's all fake. I got in here.

[Caleb]

Any one of Us could accidentally be like you.

[Stavi]

Absolutely.

[Caleb]

Yeah. I had, the first time I ever experienced this was I had a real insecurity that when I was in college I went to Missouri State and I got this internship in New York that was like mostly Ivy League kids.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

They hired like five or ten state school and college kids. Like as. I think they like had to.

[Stavi]

Sure. As a joke.

[Caleb]

As a joke.

[Stavi]

As a dinner for schmuck scenario.

[Caleb]

Dinner for smoks. Dinner for state school kids.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Caleb]

And I was so nervous coming in because I was like, oh my God, all these kids.

[Stavi]

Oh, look, he's wearing his nice American eagle cardigan. That's what he thinks is dressing up.

[Caleb]

The way I had a nice American eagle cardigan.

[Stavi]

He's wearing a, he's wearing a, A, a shirt that, with the tie. They came in a plastic box together.

[Caleb]

They match it up for you so you don't have to guess.

[Stavi]

He, he shops for his shirts at the end of the aisle at Macy's.

[Caleb]

He's wearing a turquoise button down turquoise with turquoise checkered tie and a pocket square.

[Stavi]

All the same material. All just cut out of different parts of the same material. Of course. Yes, yes, yes.

[Caleb]

But I went, I was so, I was like, oh my God, all these kids go to Ivy Leagues. Like they're going to be so smart. I'm not kidding. Day one, I talked to like five of them and I had a different kind of panic attack because I was like, oh, everything I thought about the world is wrong. These people are not smarter than me 100%. They're not special. They just wound up at this better place. And now I'm like scrapping, scraping, trying to get something that they get so easily. Of course, just because they got into.

[Stavi]

This expensive school, it's an afterthought for them even. They're like, I guess I'll do the internship. The thing you were trying. So every desperate you, you pulled every, every favor, everything you could possibly do and they're just like, should I go to like tennis academy in Barcelona or should I. Or should I have this internship that some kid from Kansas City would kill his family to get?

[Caleb]

I would, when I was in undergrad trying to find internships because I was like, this is the only way I'm going to get out of here.

[Stavi]

Yeah, right.

[Caleb]

I would go and find people who worked for the company on LinkedIn. I had a LinkedIn, a fully loaded LinkedIn profile. And I would DM them and be like, hi, I know this is a little unusual, but I'm Applying for this internship at your company. I'd love to, like, zoom with you to get your. I was insane.

[Stavi]

Smart.

[Caleb]

I was insane.

[Stavi]

A little. Yeah. I love that.

[Caleb]

I literally. There was one woman I remember at this nonprofit I really wanted to work at that was, like, a cool nonprofit at the time, and she agreed to take the meeting with me, and she was like, hey, you're not going to get this internship. But I wanted to take the meeting because I respect the hustle.

[Stavi]

Interesting.

[Caleb]

I was like, can you do anything for me? And she was like, no, you don't have.

[Stavi]

No, of course not.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

She was like, no, no.

[Caleb]

But, you know, keep trying.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Caleb]

I was like, thank you.

[Stavi]

That is. I guess that's good.

[Caleb]

Meant the world to me.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Because she was kind of letting you know you have something that could be useful in a just world, but it's.

[Caleb]

Not the one we live in.

[Stavi]

The chairman of the boards, the niece was just accused of grooming someone at her summer camp, and she needs a good job to kind of get her away from all that.

[Caleb]

She needs the cash flow right now. Sorry, baby boy. You need to know someone with a little more pole.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Caleb]

Than your guidance counselor at college or whatever.

[Stavi]

And what was the. What were you studying? What was. What were these internships in?

[Caleb]

I was studying sociopolitical communication.

[Stavi]

Okay.

[Caleb]

The internships were, like, pretty much anything that I could get to New York and get paid.

[Stavi]

Gotcha.

[Caleb]

I was. I was only applying for paid internships in New York or even if it wasn't paid, I had to have housing or something. Of course, because I was like, oh, if they gave me housing, I could, like, save up enough money in the semester to, like, pay for my food and stuff.

[Stavi]

Right. That's another. I mean, that's one of the clearest Ponzi schemes and ways that wealth stays entrenched is like, oh, all the most prestigious internships. They're. They're in the most expensive cities, and they don't pay you anything. So it's like, who do you think's getting those in? Who can even.

[Caleb]

Who can afford that?

[Stavi]

Who can afford that? You know what I mean? It's fucking insane. Yeah.

[Caleb]

Who can afford to, like, slum it for a while and take risks?

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

Yeah. But I. I was studying that, and I would. Internships, anything. Anything that I thought would, like, get me closer to a job.

[Stavi]

Yeah. And because at this point, this. You're not thinking about comedy, entertainment, or.

[Caleb]

You are at this point. I'm wanting to, but I'm scared. I was Scared. So I was like, this was my thing of being like. And I did this right after college, too, where I was like, get a job or get something that pays. And then when you have free time, you can go and hit open mics.

[Stavi]

Right.

[Caleb]

And so that's what I did is I came to New York, and then anytime I was off, I would go, like, see shows or I would go to open mics and was just trying to, like, be around comedy while I was working.

[Stavi]

And what was the internship like?

[Caleb]

What was the, the internship I ended up getting was at Columbia University. It was called Internship and Building Community. And it was. It was sly on their part, because what it really was was we were camp counselors, basically, for these rich kids. Rich kids around the world will apply to this program to go. They'll spend the summer at Columbia doing, like, an Ivy League prep program.

[Stavi]

Gotcha.

[Caleb]

And then we would, like, teach their classes, them on volunteer trips and then live in their dorms with them and make sure they weren't, like, doing drugs and drinking.

[Stavi]

Gotcha.

[Caleb]

So we were basically like, you're an ra.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah. An ra. Ta. Yeah.

[Caleb]

But I got, I was, I found out really early. I asked one of the older RAs as soon as I got here, like, what's the, what's the. Because there's the day job component, and then the nighttime component. Nighttime component is just sleeping in the building and checking them into their room.

[Stavi]

Sure.

[Caleb]

The daytime was like your job. And I was like, what's the day job with the least amount of responsibility so I can, like, go do other shit in the city.

[Stavi]

Nice.

[Caleb]

And they're like, the community service. Because instead of working, like, 9 to 4 when the students are there, you get up in the morning, coordinate with the site, and then you take the kids, and they have to be back for their afternoon class. So you end up working. I think I ended up working like, 11 to 2.

[Stavi]

Gotcha.

[Caleb]

And then I would just the rest of the day, kind of off.

[Stavi]

Off.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Whimsical time in New York.

[Caleb]

Why go wait in line to see Whiplash or something. You know what I mean? I didn't use it how I should have.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Oh, man. Whiplash. I, I, that's a movie I'll watch. It's funny to watch that movie and be like, this is about me in comedy. You know what I mean? Like, this is about me and doing open mics. And it's like, there's no, there's no, there's not a.

[Caleb]

That's not what it is.

[Stavi]

Not even close. It's not even close to a strenuous, but it's like, yeah, this is how I'm a master of my craft. Yeah. And there's no old man yelling at me, but there is just sort of like, in a way, in a way it's just like wanting not to bomb. I don't even know what it is, but I remember being like, I can't ever watch that again. It's too affecting as an artist. And I'm talking about, like, jokes about not being able to wipe my own ass or whatever. Yeah. Like, I'm the. The lowest form of comedy at the time of being like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Caleb]

Meanwhile, you're on stage being like, I want to eat a Southern woman's. So she'll call me sugar or whatever the. Whatever the. Your material is awesome, by the way. Uncle Suge.

[Stavi]

Call me Suge. Like Luan, dude. Yeah, dude, I'm so. Or no, I'm sorry. Dale's wife says. Sh, sh. Luann does not. I don't believe.

[Caleb]

But yeah, we need to tap back in on that.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that would be nice. Oh, yeah. Southern woman is at the top. I would love to. To date a Southern woman, a Southern belle.

[Caleb]

What's going on with you, by the way? Are you still do, like, are you still fucking around? Are we settling down soon?

[Stavi]

I'm open to it.

[Caleb]

Are you dating? Like, what. What?

[Stavi]

You know, I don't. I really thought. I really thought I would have a fall in you. Like a whimsical fall in New York, where I'm. I'm getting cardigans. Not American Eagle. Yeah, you know, some. A little nicer these days, but I'm in the cardigan. I'm looking. I'm in Central park, strolling around. I've got a hot cup of Joe and maybe there's a Meet cute with a beautiful tourist.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

You know, we have a. We. We start a. She's only here for a couple months. Even in my fantasies, it's temporary. For a couple months, no strings attached. I get to fuck her a while. She goes.

[Caleb]

She leaves. Yeah.

[Stavi]

No, I don't know. I thought I would have this whimsical, like, oh, I can be a real human being. But it does. Not yet. It doesn't feel like it. But I'm open to. I mean, my brother had a kid. My best friends had two kids. Now I'm starting to see the, like, next phase of being like, a human being and like, you know, dad or uncle or some like that. I could definitely see that. But I Don't know, man. I don't know where they're. I don't know who's. Who's out there for me.

[Caleb]

I want you to find a good woman and settle down.

[Stavi]

I would.

[Caleb]

I would love that, man. I'm sick of this. This playboy, rock star lifestyle you're living in. Fast forward, Kenny Chesney. You need to slow it down, brother.

[Stavi]

Need to slow it down. But, you know, right now, I'm actually. I don't even. I'm not really dating at all because I'm just busy and, you know, but I would love that. I would. I mean, listen, we. Again, we. We shot past what we were supposed to do in life, right? Yeah. Greek restaurant, Joanne's Fabrics.

[Caleb]

It's coated, by the way. I'm letting Joanne fabric slide. But you're. It's a little on the line.

[Stavi]

It's not. I wouldn't say coated. I think it's actually directly homophobic. I would say accurate. You would say homophobic. All right, whatever. Some. A local craftsman.

[Caleb]

I work at a restaurant. You have A's.

[Stavi]

You're directing Rent. Off Broadway rents?

[Caleb]

Something like that, yeah. Didn't Mateo literally work at Joanne Fabrics in high school? Well, that wouldn't surprise me.

[Stavi]

100. And he had a girlfriend at the time, and they broke up. And they broke up, like, in the, like, fabrics aisle. Like, he has this awesome story about that.

[Caleb]

He's like, well, I don't know what you want, and he walks away. Yeah.

[Stavi]

And by the way, you're coaching pee wee football on the side.

[Caleb]

Totally.

[Stavi]

You're doing.

[Caleb]

You're all I ask. You're.

[Stavi]

You're in the Midwest, after all. You're still you.

[Caleb]

That's all I.

[Stavi]

You know, you're. You know, it's. And maybe you're helping a local drama club. You're looking. You're. Maybe if you have extra time, you let them get the fabric that you were going to, you know, that somebody ordered and they. They didn't want. So you're like, oh, great. You guys can make. Yeah, you can make costumes for the Charlie. Charlie Brown Christmas or whatever.

[Caleb]

The further it goes on, the more it's like kind of a life you want to live.

[Stavi]

I don't know.

[Caleb]

The kids. The kids respect you, and they look up to you.

[Stavi]

And sure, you're not married, but they still see you as a pillar of the community, and they come over on holidays, and you don't have your own kids, but they're kind of like your.

[Caleb]

And sure, you don't have a lot, but you Got plenty.

[Stavi]

Yeah, you're poor in the bank, but you're rich in the. In the soul, you know? No, fully, that is. I'm actually. That does sound pretty good.

[Caleb]

Okay. I have to tell you, I was just looking on ebay, where I go.

[Caller]

For all kinds of things I love. And there it was.

[Caleb]

That hologram trading card.

[Stavi]

One of the rarest.

[Caleb]

The last one I needed for my set.

[Stavi]

Shiny like the designer handbag of my dreams.

[Caleb]

One of a kind.

[Stavi]

Ebay had it. And now everyone's asking, ooh, where'd you get your windshield wipers? Ebay has all the parts that fit my car. No more annoying, just beautiful.

[Caleb]

Millions of finds, each with a story. EBay. Things people love.

[Stavi]

If your vibe is the earlier, the better, Lowe's early Black Friday deals are a no brainer. Get up to 35% off select major appliances and rewards. Members get free delivery, hallway, basic installation and a 2 year Lowe's Premium Protection Plan when you spend 2500 dollars or more on select LG major appliances. Valid through 11.4Loyalty program. Subject to terms and conditions.

[Caleb]

Visit lowe's.com terms for details.

[Stavi]

Subject to change.

[Caleb]

LG Member Offer excludes Massachusetts, Maryland, Wisconsin.

[Stavi]

New Jersey, and Florida.

[Caleb]

Selection varies by location.

[Stavi]

Select locations only while supplies last. Seelows.com for more details. What do. Okay. What do you think you would. Because I actually do think I would run a rest. I mean, I am a Greek stereotype in that I think I would run a restaurant because I don't want a boss. Yeah, like, I know that about myself. I mean, I get. I would either run scams. I think I would be good at scams if I was poor.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

If I put that money, if I put that mindset into doing minor crimes, I'd probably honestly be a scam artist that worked at local politics and had a restaurant.

[Caleb]

See, the thing about you and scamming, though, is your whole look and vibe works so well in your current life because it's. It's disarming and it's like, we want to like this guy. He's so charming and cute, you know?

[Stavi]

Right, Right.

[Caleb]

If you had this exact same vibe and you were running scams in Baltimore, would. People would immediately be like, this guy's going to scam me. I don't think it would work the same way.

[Stavi]

See, I. I think it would reverse. I. I know what you're saying. Right. I know you're saying, is it a little too on the nose? But sometimes that's the beauty of it. It's almost like it's like, I want to get scammed by that dazzle camouflage where it's so obvious you're so much that you're the brain, can't process it, and then it just sees normal.

[Caleb]

If you tried to sell me AirPods on the street in Baltimore, I would laugh you out of my area.

[Stavi]

Yeah, well, see, I'm not doing street level scams, okay?

[Caleb]

You're doing big building.

[Stavi]

You're just contracting me right now. I'm skimming a little off the top.

[Caleb]

Okay, okay, okay.

[Stavi]

I'm a licensed. I'm a licensed paralegal.

[Caleb]

That was disrespectful.

[Stavi]

You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Caleb]

That was really mean of me.

[Stavi]

And people are like, you know, he's a bit of a quirky guy, but he always means well. Secretly. I'm taking a little bit off the top.

[Caleb]

You're like the manager for NSYNC or whatever. That guy.

[Stavi]

Well, what was his name? He was also of a part.

[Caleb]

I don't know what your life is in this story, man. You went pretty hard on the drama club earlier. You talked about the drama club for.

[Stavi]

A long time, and that was more me projecting because I do think I would love to run a drama club. Actually, no. The best times of my life were when I would. Because I had those moments where in between being forced by, you know, society's expectations of an alpha male, which is how I saw myself at the time. I would. Whenever they would let me do, like, in. In middle school, I was in drama for, like, a year, and then I pretended it's because I wanted to play sports, but it's really because I didn't get the part of, like, literally Charlie Brown. And. And so I was literally just being like, you know, instead of being like, how dare they not give me the part of Charlie Brown? I was like, you know what? I'm actually a fucking jock now.

[Caleb]

Yeah. I'm actually.

[Stavi]

I actually fucking quit. I'm not playing fucking Linus, dude. I would do a great job. I would do a great job.

[Caleb]

Obviously, I gave them Linus. They would love what they got. But I'm not doing Linus.

[Stavi]

No. There is definitely a part of me that's like, why didn't I just fucking lean in?

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

And know who the fuck I was.

[Caleb]

From the beginning, I didn't do theater in any of school because I was like, it's the biggest tell. Oh, I was trying to stay in the closet. And I was like, you can't.

[Stavi]

Right?

[Caleb]

When you get on that stage, you're gonna shine Baby.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

You're gonna dazzle.

[Stavi]

The light beam is gonna come out of you. You're gonna start levitating.

[Caleb]

All the layers are gonna come off and you're gonna be a star and they're gonna know better.

[Stavi]

Stick to student government in the Christian club or whatever.

[Caleb]

I got, well, you know, I got, I got dethroned in Christian athletes.

[Stavi]

Oh man.

[Caleb]

I was the president of Fellowship of Christian Athletes. Stavi. They kicked me. They voted me out because I wouldn't stop cussing at Baske.

[Stavi]

Too fired up.

[Caleb]

I was like, I care. I, you know, I would. We would go to the basketball games and I'd be like, this is. And they'd be like, caleb, Caleb. Yeah, I got kicked out.

[Stavi]

How much of the rest of that club do you think was in the closet?

[Caleb]

Like.

[Stavi]

Cuz that's like a two for one. I'm Christian and I like sports.

[Caleb]

Yeah. You know, well, that's how it is in rural Missouri. It's like fellowship with Christian athletes. Do you know what meet me at the poll is? Do you know what meet me at the poll is? Oh, guys, hit me with it. Meet me at the poll is. This is going to be so big for a lot of your listeners.

[Stavi]

Great, great.

[Caleb]

Meet me at the Pole is this psychotic thing that. Because you're not allowed to. They took God out of schools. They never did.

[Stavi]

It's still there. Still there.

[Caleb]

Absolutely.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

They do this thing called Meet me at the Pole that the, the Christian kids do. That's like a national day where like one day a year before school. The idea is that you get, you get your whole school to meet at the flagpole and do a public prayer before school. And it's called Meet me at the Pole. And it's a big. They have like a marketing campaign and like a huge thing and they still do it to this day. I saw like an ad for it the other day.

[Stavi]

Wow.

[Caleb]

That they're still doing it. High schools. But the whole thing is supposed to be like, make everyone who's not a Christian at your school uncomfortable. Show up and pray at the pool.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

It's really psychic.

[Stavi]

I would love the Muslim version of that. Oh, they're calling the police immediately.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

There's like three kids get together and you know, go to a prayer rug. They're like, I need the Department of Homeland Security here.

[Caleb]

Get DHS here immediately. They're doing Sharia law. Yeah. The way that Christians want Sharia law so bad.

[Stavi]

By the way, they do want their version.

[Caleb]

They want their version of it.

[Stavi]

Yeah. 100%. So you're. So you're. You're the. You're the president of Christian Fellowship athletes or whatever the fuck.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

And you get booted for that, huh?

[Caleb]

I get booted. And I actually this morning woke up thinking about, did you guys ever have. At your high school, did you guys ever have, like, a drunk driving day where they would stage a drunk driving crash on the lawn of the school?

[Stavi]

I. We had. Yeah, we had that at college, weirdly enough, but yes. Yeah.

[Caleb]

Yeah, that's even crazier.

[Stavi]

Well, then they made it like a fundraiser where you could the car up.

[Caleb]

Oh, yeah.

[Stavi]

They gave you a sledgehammer. Yeah, they would. They would do like, oh, this car got up for drunk. You know, don't. Don't drink and drive, kids. And then they were like, but you get to the car, you get. You got to pay, like, a dollar a swipe with the sledgehammer.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

And it was kind of a great. It was a great idea. Awesome. To a car up.

[Caleb]

Yeah, it's fun.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

They would wreck a car on, like, the front lawn. And we did. We. Ours had such a big production budget. One year there was, like, a life flight helicopter that, like. Well, and then there was a version part of it, too, where some kid would be dressed as the Grim Reaper, and they would walk around school that day and come into the classroom and be like. And if they grabbed you, you had just died from drunk driving. So you. So you had to leave the rest of the day. And all your classmates would be like, no, they got stuff. And then you'd be like, that's what it would be like. If Stav died from drunk driving, he wouldn't be here anymore.

[Stavi]

And you just got to not go to class.

[Caleb]

Well, no, you, like, went and did. You, like, went and got. You were in the production. So then later, what would happen is they wouldn't just crash the car. They would have, like, one of your classmates would be, like, splayed out by the car with, like, a gash and, like, fake blood. And then they would have the mom and dad come down and be like, no. And then we would all just. The whole school would stand and just watch the parents, like, weep over the body.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

And then they'd have the local EMTs come and, like, load them up in a body bag.

[Stavi]

Of course. And a body bag.

[Caleb]

Yes. And then, like, the school counselor.

[Stavi]

I mean, this is insane.

[Caleb]

It's crazy. And then the school counselor would come and be, like, with a note card and be like, every year, 300 students die from drunk Driving in this county and it has to stop.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

And then we would just. We would all just kind of watch and be like, yeah, that's crazy.

[Stavi]

I mean, I'm sure it was a huge drunk driving place, though. There's Missouri. Of course.

[Caleb]

Everyone's driving drunk.

[Stavi]

I feel like high school is like going to a field and getting up.

[Caleb]

Yes.

[Stavi]

And just parking your car, like, at another field.

[Caleb]

We all drove drunk in high school.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Caleb]

Every adult I knew until I was, like, 21 had at least one DUI.

[Stavi]

Oh, yeah.

[Caleb]

My mom. I think I, I. My mom's got a couple, like, respect. They all have DUIs over there.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Caleb]

It's like, because you're. You're drunk, but your car needs to go home with you.

[Stavi]

Of course. And there's no Uber.

[Caleb]

There's no Uber. What are you supposed to do? I mean, don't drive drunk.

[Stavi]

Don't drive drunk.

[Caleb]

That's the logic.

[Stavi]

The days are over. The days of driving drunk are over. It's not the.

[Caleb]

Sorry.

[Stavi]

Yeah. You missed it.

[Caleb]

You missed it. It was beautiful.

[Stavi]

Were we at the tail end?

[Caleb]

I got it.

[Stavi]

Were we at the tail end? Did I drive from a couple Halloween parties dressed as Mario? Yeah. Do I have a specific memory of driving drunk as Mario? My Luigi friend has alcohol poison. Who was supposed to be the dd. He has alcohol poisoning next to me. Yeah. So I'm driving his car home. Am I. Am I nodding off? And the fucking rumble strips are waking me up.

[Caleb]

This is a bad story. You've got Young imp.

[Stavi]

First of all. Hold on. I asked a lot of rhetorical questions.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

No, no. None of that happened.

[Caleb]

I was never Mario. I was never drunk. I was never tired.

[Stavi]

I was in my friend Christina's dad's house in the suburbs. That was awesome and huge. None of that happened. I didn't desperately try and fuck her friends. And none of them even. Not only did they not reject me, they didn't even realize I was trying to fuck them.

[Caleb]

Which, even worse, they were like, stops. Nice.

[Stavi]

He's a nice guy. He talked to me so long about my problems.

[Caleb]

He really cares about my interests. Anyway, I'm gonna go his hot friend.

[Stavi]

And then he's gonna drink a lot of Bacardi 151 and then drive drunk 40 minutes home. None of that happens.

[Caleb]

None of that's real. That's all an exercise. That's an exercise.

[Stavi]

What we might call a. Yeah. Thought exercise.

[Caleb]

I did an assembly for you just now. Yeah.

[Stavi]

And that. That's bad. Don't ever do that. Thank you elders. Thank you.

[Caleb]

Don't make awesome core memories, guys.

[Stavi]

Literally every party we went to was some version of that. I remember went to one party with your friends that was actually good. Do you remember that party? Oh, is that at that big house? That huge house?

[Caleb]

Baltimore County.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We were trading alcohol for weed. Yeah, we were. The barter system. When a party has the barter system.

[Caleb]

That's beautiful.

[Stavi]

It's like you're kind of making burning man in somebody's uncle's house that they got to be in.

[Caleb]

Everything's burning man eventually.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Caleb]

Everything in life eventually is burning man. If you give it enough time to fester.

[Stavi]

Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. But again, classic. We get fucked up, try and fuck girls in a way that doesn't even register, and then we drive drunk to your parents house and have like dominoes or something. Something. You know what I remember?

[Caleb]

I made us sleep there that night or sleep in the car or something. I was like, dude, I don't know.

[Stavi]

I'm pretty drunk.

[Caleb]

I don't know if I should. You're like, come on, come on, dude.

[Stavi]

The.

[Caleb]

Let's go. Sounds like I can drive.

[Stavi]

I have ice cream at your mom's freezer. I want to eat, dude, I'm good. Dude, just give me piece of your car, dude.

[Caleb]

Dude, please let me drive. Every girl I tried to fuck to tonight thinks I'm a bestie. I need to drive right now.

[Stavi]

If I wake up here, I'm gonna be forced to soberly go to brunch with all of them. I'm gonna have to be hungover hearing about how they sucked other guys off.

[Caleb]

And they're gonna think I'm interested in that story. Please, I need to.

[Stavi]

And I'm gonna delude myself. 20 minutes I'll be annoyed, and then I'm gonna delude myself into thinking I'm playing.

[Caleb]

Game is so real. The long game is so real. Oh, dude. When those guys hurt her. Yeah, who's gonna be right there?

[Stavi]

Literally describing my first relationship in college was just. I did that by accident. Like, I actually didn't plan on doing it. That was the only time I didn't. I actually did make a friendship and I'm just years striking out with other women. And then that did happen and I did have a weird started off on horrible ground relationship.

[Caleb]

You know what I mean?

[Stavi]

Because you're.

[Caleb]

You're.

[Stavi]

Because at some point you're like, she clearly likes me and she's just. She's kind of cheating on me with her boyfriend. And then we get together and it's like. I'm kind of resentful of that, actually. That she. I was her complete, like, support system and she just was with some other guy. Yeah. But I was too much of a coward to say anything the whole time. It's fully my fault.

[Caleb]

Yeah. Who am I to have respect or boundaries for myself? I don't respect myself enough. What the fuck am I talking about?

[Stavi]

Ah, youth is so beautiful.

[Caleb]

It is.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

I miss it.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

My best days are behind me.

[Stavi]

No. Oh.

[Caleb]

I miss being 17 in Missouri. Oh, God, it was good thinking. I was into it. Still. Still trying to be into girls too. With such a funny, like.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

Just doing anything to be like. I. I love Shelby, you know?

[Stavi]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Caleb]

Like, you don't. You don't.

[Stavi]

You don't at all.

[Caleb]

Not like that.

[Stavi]

But it is interesting because I do. I think I. I heard you talking, which means I just saw a clip that came up on the Internet about. Cuz I. You know, you don't think about how the friend zone also exists for gay men when you become friends with you. I saw a clip. I don't remember which podcast was on where you were. Like sometimes, like when straight guys would be like, oh, yeah, gay guys want to be friends. They probably just want to hook up.

[Caller]

Up.

[Stavi]

And you're like, sometimes they're right, sometimes they're right.

[Caleb]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sometimes it is like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't do that anymore because I'm a grown, evolved person.

[Stavi]

Of course.

[Caleb]

And I do. I would tell young gay men, like, do not spend those years of your life being attracted anyone. Don't spend the young years of your.

[Stavi]

Life doing what we just described my. I pathetically.

[Caleb]

We did. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't spend your time wanting people who cannot or will not want you back.

[Stavi]

Right, right, right.

[Caleb]

But yeah, there would. There definitely is that. It's a. It's an interesting.

[Stavi]

For you, it was a different orientation. For me, it was just that I was that unf. You're like, they cannot and do not want you back. You're just like, they're straight guys. For me, it's like, no, they're women who are technically attracted to who you are, but not.

[Caleb]

You're. The key thing's different about you.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

Mine would have to be like a whole other gender.

[Stavi]

Yeah. You just need like, just like lose some weight. Yeah. Start dressing better. Stop quoting A night at the Roxbury.

[Caleb]

Jesus Christ.

[Stavi]

My move. When I was like 14, I was like, like, night at the. You guys ever seen Night at the Roxbury.

[Caleb]

That's bleak. Yeah, that's so bleak.

[Stavi]

Hey, 14.

[Caleb]

That's so bleak.

[Stavi]

I know. I moved on quickly from there.

[Caleb]

That's good.

[Stavi]

To just actually probably being able to date women. But being a cat, really what it was was being a coward. I look back at every thing in my history and I'm like, why didn't I just, like, make any move, do anything? Like, I was. I. I went on a date with a girl, and we were just in my car for, like, 40 minutes.

[Caleb]

Oh, yeah.

[Stavi]

And I'm just like, should we smoke more weed? Just nervous. Yeah. Just so trembling. 100%.

[Caleb]

Oh, I've given. There was one date. This is legendary among my friends. There was one date I went on when I was in my early 20s with a really cute guy that ended in four goodbye hugs.

[Stavi]

Okay.

[Caleb]

We were at my house, in front of my house. He had come back to my house with me, and because I couldn't access the confidence to be like, do you want to go upstairs?

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah.

[Caleb]

And just watch a movie?

[Stavi]

Sure.

[Caleb]

An opportunity to make a delayed movie.

[Stavi]

Sure, sure.

[Caleb]

I was. I was like. I was like, all right, well, this was so much fun. Hug goodbye. Well, yeah, I had so much fun tonight. What are you gonna do this week? More talking, Second hug. By the fourth hug, he was like. Like, I'm a go man. He was like, if you're not. We're at your house. If you're not gonna. I told my friends later, expecting it to be kind of funny, and they laughed in a way that I was like, oh, I'm. This is actually bad.

[Stavi]

Yeah. You could have made any ham fisted, anything excuse to get inside. You'd have been fine. Any.

[Caleb]

I mean, I literally could have just done, like, what I do now, which is just if. When it. When it gets to a point that you're like, something needs to be said, you just go, like, we should go inside and have sex.

[Stavi]

Right?

[Caleb]

Like, even that would have been.

[Stavi]

That would have been better than, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Caleb]

Four hugs is crazy.

[Stavi]

My most. My weirdest, most pathetic one that actually worked was, want to come back and have some fruit salad? And the girl laughed at me. And I could tell I was on the. It was on the precipice of not working, but I guess her life was bad at the time. And she was like, fruits out. I mean, yeah, I will.

[Caleb]

She was like, fuck, man, you better eat my. My crazy style if I'm going for the fruit salad line.

[Stavi]

I did have fruit salad, and I wanted some. That's what was going on in my head? I was like, I'm kind of excited to have those mangoes looked good. It was a. It was a tropical.

[Caleb]

In her head, she's like, that's the worst line I've ever heard. But I did shave, so. Yeah. I'll come back for some fruit salad. What the.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Beautiful, Beautiful stuff. Stuff.

[Caleb]

Beautiful stuff.

[Stavi]

By the way, people should watch the special model comedian on hbo. And I. A really nice kernel of that is that you came out as bisexual on Facebook. Yeah. At one point in your life.

[Caleb]

Yeah. What's funny? Yeah. What's funny about that?

[Stavi]

The delivery methods of Facebook status is awesome.

[Caleb]

To be like, me a bit.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Yeah. But also to be like, I'm bi is awesome.

[Caleb]

And to be so, like, sure of it, too.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Caleb]

To be like, I am by.

[Stavi]

Right.

[Caleb]

And I'm sure of it.

[Stavi]

Right, right, right.

[Caleb]

I remember telling my cool aunt. My cool aunt that I was by. I called her and I was like. I was like, hey, I'm bisexual. And I'm not kidding. I feel like she went like, okay.

[Stavi]

Like, she was like, okay, buddy, totally.

[Caleb]

You're by.

[Stavi]

She's like, yes, sweetie, that's good that you know yourself.

[Caleb]

Yeah, no, she. She.

[Stavi]

She. She knew.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

That's beautiful, man.

[Caleb]

It was really special.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

You. You. Neither of you have ever dipped your toe into bi. No. But who knows, right?

[Stavi]

I'm open.

[Caleb]

Okay.

[Stavi]

You know, Elders is a married man. It seems like that ship has sailed. Yeah.

[Caleb]

You guys are doing Monog.

[Stavi]

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Caleb]

Classic.

[Stavi]

Classic stuff.

[Caleb]

Yeah. Good.

[Stavi]

You know what? But yeah. I don't know. I'm this. But it does coincide with my, like. Like, the longer I'm out here just doing whatever, I'm like, who knows? I get. I'm on record, like, if a feminine enough man wants to suck me off and the vibes are right.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

I'm not really attracted to a. I know. I don't have that. The butch thing. Right. You know, I do like when a girl dresses kind of, like, kind of butch, and then she's a hot. She's like just a sexy ass girl. Yeah. When she's naked, that, to me feels like a fun little, like, you know, like, gift wrapping a cool present.

[Caleb]

I've never felt so distant from you.

[Stavi]

I'm opening up when I know.

[Caleb]

I'm sorry, but when you said. When you said sexy ass girl, it was like, what. I usually feel very similar to you.

[Stavi]

Right.

[Caleb]

And that was just one of those illuminating moments where I was like, I'm different than My friends.

[Stavi]

Right, right.

[Caleb]

That was hard to hear.

[Stavi]

You know, you just have to run that through the filter. Yeah. Like, I guess, you know, you objective. If imagine I was objectifying a man.

[Caleb]

I would love that. Yeah, I would love that.

[Stavi]

Yeah. But I like when, you know, some. A nice pair of titties, you can't. You can't detect them. Normally I have no, you know, but.

[Caleb]

No, I know what you mean. That's like when a guy has like a sleeper build.

[Stavi]

Totally.

[Caleb]

When a guy's wearing like a sweatshirt on a date and then you take it off later and he's like, ripped.

[Stavi]

And you're like, whoa, that's pretty cool.

[Caleb]

No worries.

[Stavi]

Or you think you're. You're convinced he's got a little ass dick and he's got a nice hog.

[Caleb]

See, that doesn't matter to me.

[Stavi]

Me. Really?

[Caleb]

Dick size doesn't matter to me.

[Stavi]

Doesn't matter.

[Caleb]

Never mattered to me.

[Stavi]

Ne. Not at one. Not at all.

[Caleb]

In fact, I don't like a dick that's too big. What am I? Why would you bring that around me? Now we're talking.

[Stavi]

Now we're finding some common ground, boys.

[Caleb]

No, like, bringing a big dick to me, it really does feel like is like bringing me like a choreless.

[Stavi]

Sure, sure, sure.

[Caleb]

I'm like, what, what? So what I'm going to have to help you get. It's too much.

[Stavi]

Absolutely.

[Caleb]

So I do get annoyed. I get annoyed by a really big dick. But dick size has never mattered to me.

[Stavi]

I get annoyed by a really big dick as well. I'm not kidding, like, rolling your eyes, being like, for real. Here we go.

[Caleb]

I have, I have really been taking a guy's pants off while we're hooking up and noticed that his dick is huge and been like, I'm gonna blow your huge dick and have a horrible night.

[Stavi]

It does seem like more of a to do.

[Caleb]

It's a job.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Caleb]

When a guy has a nice medium sized dick and I take off the pants, I go, thank you, bro.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Caleb]

Thank you.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

Even a small dick, I'm like, rock on.

[Stavi]

There is a floor to that though, right?

[Caleb]

Not for me.

[Stavi]

Not for you.

[Caleb]

No, I love it. I love all. I love. I love all dicks.

[Stavi]

Sure.

[Caleb]

But a small dick is easy.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah.

[Caleb]

I go, no worries.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Caleb]

I'll get that little guy off.

[Stavi]

Sure, sure, sure.

[Caleb]

Yeah. But a big, huge dick. I'm like, it starts to affect my next day. Of course, that I'm like, now my.

[Stavi]

Throat hurts, jaw is off.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

I'm like, ah, you need to go get some gua sha done. Yeah. You know, re rebalance you. Especially Elders. I know Elders thinks he would.

[Caleb]

He would.

[Stavi]

If you were gay, you would want a huge dick.

[Caleb]

I don't know. Yeah, I just knew it.

[Stavi]

I knew Elders would be a size queen.

[Caleb]

I'd like a decent. I'll say like this. I'd like a decent north, like, normal to decently, like, bigger dick. But there is a floor and I don't. I don't need, like, a monster either.

[Stavi]

You know, just completely hypothetically, you're just trashing guys and you have a small dick, by the way. I know this. Right. Just hypothetically, you're like, some things would be too small for me. You're a straight man in a monogamous marriage and you're. You're still taking time. I love that about Eldis. He really has this. There's an alternate universe where he thinks really highly of himself.

[Caleb]

He's a fucking artist.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

And then this through. It's never occurred to me, but now that you say it, yeah, it probably would, like, I don't know, six inches or, like, at least.

[Stavi]

Oh, yeah, that's doable for sure.

[Caleb]

You know, nothing crazy, a nice, respectable. I'm with you, Caleb, on, like, I.

[Stavi]

Don'T want my throat to hurt.

[Caleb]

I don't want my ass to hurt too bad. But I. I'd like, you know, you want something nice to look at.

[Stavi]

See, that's what I'm talking about. I do think you get bogged down in aesthetics a lot in your life. I think so. Yeah.

[Caleb]

That's fair. I don't want to alarm the viewers at home, but I can see in the imprint he's getting hard. There is a bulge developing. I'm watching him get a little hard talking about this, which is nice.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Caleb]

I don't know. I think about it and it's like, you know, why wouldn't a dick be.

[Stavi]

Like, different from, like, you.

[Caleb]

You just want big tits or something?

[Stavi]

Like, it's kind of the same thing. Well, you does. They're more aesthetic. They're. They're. It's more aesthetic. It's more watching them bobble around.

[Caleb]

Unless you guys know something. I don't know, you don't have to shove tits up your ass.

[Stavi]

Wow, dude, this gay guy's completely. He does not understand straight sex at all. That's what. That's. That's how I have sex. I put huge tits up my ass.

[Caleb]

Yeah. Hey. Hey, baby. I'd like to take Those things home and, well, you know what I'd like to do with them.

[Stavi]

Oh, fuck, dude. I just knew it. I could sense eldest was gonna have that opinion. We've just known each other too long and I knew exactly how he was.

[Caleb]

What about you, hotshot? You don't want a big dick?

[Stavi]

What the fuck? I think I would be a normal ass dick guy.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

If. If it lines up with. I guess I'd like it smaller.

[Caleb]

Yeah, I guess. I don't think that's what's lining up with. By the way, if we're doing comparisons, there's a pretty clear analog.

[Stavi]

Me doing the exact flip side of being like. Me actually doing the thing I made fun of you about doing. Like. Well, what would gay sex be like?

[Caleb]

Yeah, big, big, huge dick.

[Stavi]

Sure. I liked. Hey, listen, I like hearing that as many people go on record one that is better on both sides of the aisle. This is the kind of bipartisan. This is reaching across the aisle. We need the gay community, the stray community. Down with huge dicks.

[Caleb]

Down with huge dicks. Yeah. The most frustrating thing is I hook up with a lot of femme guys is. And not high fem, but, like bottoms, you know? And when. Like, when like a cute Twinkie bottom has just like a huge crazy.

[Stavi]

That feels.

[Caleb]

I'm like, honestly, get, like, get it fixed. Like, get some sort of surgery.

[Stavi]

Of course.

[Caleb]

No, it's just too much.

[Stavi]

You should be able to. And here's the thing. I would love to be a. Don't. They should be a donor. And I would love to be a recipient for that surgery.

[Caleb]

You get their day.

[Stavi]

Let me get a little. Let me get a little extra to.

[Caleb]

Flesh out some of the dick.

[Stavi]

Yeah, some of the dick. Dick.

[Caleb]

The problem.

[Stavi]

Bottoms with huge dicks should be able to donate some of their dick to small dick tops. Tops and straight guys or straight men. Yes.

[Caleb]

Yeah. The problem for me is that a universal registry.

[Stavi]

We should start the registry.

[Caleb]

That's beautiful. Bone marrow vibes.

[Stavi]

Absolutely.

[Caleb]

Who's a match?

[Stavi]

Absolutely.

[Caleb]

Yeah. I just want everyone to come.

[Stavi]

So that's good.

[Caleb]

It's like if you bring a huge dick around me, even though it's like a lot of work, I'm gonna get. I'm gonna get you off. Sure. That's the problem.

[Stavi]

That's the Midwestern. That's the good old Midwestern boy in you.

[Caleb]

That's the problem.

[Stavi]

We're gonna get it done.

[Caleb]

If you want to come and you're.

[Stavi]

Able, by God, with me, G. We'll make a nut.

[Caleb]

We'll make sure of it, you know.

[Stavi]

Oh, I love that, man. That's a beautiful attitude to have. If only more people had that attitude.

[Caleb]

I know. To me, it's all about the energy.

[Stavi]

You know, and that's why, you know, that you're kind of ready for a political run with that, with that stance. I think.

[Caleb]

What do you think it is about you and I, by the way, that we really. You and I both. Both have this kind of like, I feel. I feel in you something that I recognize in myself, which is that I'm like, I can kind of get along with anybody and I'm pretty unbothered.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

What? Why can't more. I wonder. Okay, this is the question I'm trying to ask. Do you feel as often as I do, like, why can't everyone just be cooler?

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

What is the issue?

[Stavi]

I know. It's like, I do find it weird where people just don't understand. You can be friends with. With people you disagree with in a lot of ways.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Where it's like people have lost the basic humanity and the basic. I think it's because we're. We're very hanging out, focused guys. Yeah. You know, now both of us are working a little too much for our taste and we gotta get. We gotta get that. But, you know, stop doing that a little bit. But I think if. If you really nail down to what a perfect couple, like a week looks like, you're not really doing much.

[Caleb]

Dinners.

[Stavi]

Dinners, coffee, some strolls, biking around a little city, bike. Absolutely. And I think it's because we value hanging out. And when, hey, the. It's such a basic human need that what you want socially is just vibes based. Yeah. It is not. We're not going through all like. We're not. We're not finding things to argue about. We're just whoever's around and whoever's a chill bloke.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

You know what I mean? You're in the mix. We'll get you in the mix. And I do think if people focused on hanging out more people focus on just like chill community making. Just making the hang better if we start. And that's like. I think those are building blocks of. Of civilization. It's just a good hang. Yeah. People have fallen away from being good hangs, just being a good person. And then like, you know, you get. And then even when you disagree with someone, when you have built up a fundamental human connection is just someone you'd like to have a beer with, have a kebab with, whatever the. Then you can actually discuss things in A way that's not about like scoring points or who's right or who's wrong. It's just like, how does this actually affect us as people? And we've kind of gotten away from that. And I do think, I don't know why. I mean, probably because like we were both kids that grew up in like a lot of downtime. A lot of unsupervised downtime. You're with your friends. I went to a lot of rec centers. My parents were always working. I feel like your mom was working. You had to kind of make the best of situations. Making the best of situations socially. Just kind of when you're on your own, it kind of primes you to just hang out with whoever. Yeah.

[Caleb]

I think learn how to talk to anybody.

[Stavi]

Totally.

[Caleb]

And be like, there, there are people I don't like. Of course.

[Stavi]

Of course.

[Caleb]

Like there are people I find just annoying. But it's rarely ever because of some like strongly held conviction. They have 100. I've known plenty of like straight, white, Christian republican type of people that are like genuinely good hangs.

[Stavi]

Good hangs.

[Caleb]

And then there's the ones that are like dorky losers about it. And I'm like, you're, it's really more that you're just like a dorky, you're a loser.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Caleb]

Even though those like we have these things opposite of each. You know what I mean?

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

Yeah. I wish more people would just be like, chill out and have a nice time and like, I don't know, it's not such a revelation. It feels crazy to me when people are like so bad at being able to just laugh at the things.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

Like someone says something crazy or annoying or mean to you and just being able to be like, oh yeah, that's crazy.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

Yeah. What does it mean to me? You know what I mean? I'm still got to have my day, so. I don't know, I don't know why people have such a hard time with that right now.

[Stavi]

I don't. I mean, not to be like the, I do think it has so much to do with the Internet and phones, unfortunately.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Cuz like I wasn't on, I wasn't on Twitter at all. And then, you know, we were at Venice. I gotta see how the pony to the slicked back ponies being received. Yeah. You know what I mean? I, I, and I also Arnold Schwarzenegger randomly retweeted me because I plugged his app King Shout out to the pump app. I've been doing it. It's been Going good.

[Caleb]

Oh yeah.

[Stavi]

And so I was like, I gotta. Because I had lost my password. I wasn't even able to log into Twitter. And then, you know, I figured it. I. We. I emailed them or whatever was like, hey, can I get back in here so I could be like, thank you, Arnold. Yeah, can we be friends? And so I have noticed that it's like. It's just everything is everything you see on their. Sucks dick, dude.

[Caleb]

Oh, I got off.

[Stavi]

It's crazy.

[Caleb]

I deleted my whole ass account.

[Stavi]

And if people are on. And even. It's even started to be like, even on Instagram, it started to kind of get like. You see some wild. Some wild shit now when it used to be that used to be more like puppies meals and fake big fat titties. Yeah. The. The, you know, the Holy Trinity as far as I'm concerned. Yeah. Kind of the three things I'm really interested in is like like cute, wholesome stuff, delicious stuff and big ass honkers. Right. You know.

[Caleb]

Right. I'm. I'm hanging in there.

[Stavi]

How's that distance?

[Caleb]

It's. I'm feeling far.

[Stavi]

You can at least intellectually understand where I'm coming from here.

[Caleb]

About you liking tits.

[Stavi]

Huge tits. On my IG page.

[Caleb]

Aesthetically, I think they're beautiful.

[Stavi]

Thank you.

[Caleb]

I think, I think breasts are beautiful.

[Stavi]

That's all I'm looking for.

[Caleb]

But yeah, I don't. I wouldn't want to do anything with them. Of course.

[Stavi]

Right, of course. You know, that's your Right. Right. As an American.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

But can I tell you, actually I was. Last time we. I did your podcast. I think I was telling you about. Com. The movie. I want to do Fat Camp.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

I thought of another one for us.

[Caleb]

Okay.

[Stavi]

This was just. This is a two hander for us.

[Caleb]

Okay.

[Stavi]

Okay. And it's more kind of. It's kind of based on just very loose details. I know about your life.

[Caleb]

Okay.

[Stavi]

What if.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Tragedy strike, you know, you're off in the big city. You're the good boy that's done good. Right? Right. I'm your brother who stayed back hometown.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

I'm a real, you know, piece of whatever.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Like. Like kind of who I would have been if I'd stayed in Baltimore.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

I'm like doing scams. Maybe I am the low level street scammer. Yeah. That you were thinking of.

[Caleb]

That I thought of immediately.

[Stavi]

Exactly.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I haven't re. And we have to go on some kind of caper and you know, we're both. We're both descendant from Hoarders. Yeah, right. Maybe we find like a treasure map in like or something in a relatives. We're going through their stuff. So, you know, our grandma passed away. Whatever. Yeah. And we find something where we have to go on a journey together to retrieve her like lost treasures or whatever.

[Caleb]

Okay.

[Stavi]

How does that sound to you?

[Caleb]

I. I'm gonna be 100% honest with you. It felt like a different movie once the treasure map entered it. That, you know, that felt different.

[Stavi]

We don't need the treasure map. But I just thought it would be a fun. It can be. Look, do we want to do a classic indie dramedy where you come back to the small town and even though we don't get to get, you know, we finally. We're different guys, but we. Yeah, we could do that, but why not get a treasure map involved?

[Caleb]

Yeah, I understand what you're saying.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Why not get. Why not make a caper out of this, is what I'm saying.

[Caleb]

Has there ever been a movie with two fat guy leads?

[Stavi]

We could be the first.

[Caleb]

Dude, like, I'm trying to think. Is there.

[Stavi]

No, for real? It's kind of insane to say that, but I don't think so. So not a ma. Not even like a major indie. I don't think.

[Caleb]

This isn't that. But you know what? This is what Hollywood, if Hollywood has any sense at all, they'll give you and I a bunch of money to remake the Blues Brothers.

[Stavi]

They weren't fat. They weren't both fat enough at the time.

[Caleb]

No, but it doesn't matter. You and I, as the Blues Brothers would hit.

[Stavi]

But this is what I'm saying. It's kind of a similar going road trip movie. Yeah. I don't know. I'm just saying. What did you look up that you're laughing so hard?

[Caleb]

I see the AI overview. It says there are a few movies with two main actors who are heavy set. Some movies have a comedic fat guy, skinny guy.

[Stavi]

Do it. No, no, that won't be us.

[Caleb]

Just that first heavy set.

[Stavi]

Right sentence got me pretty. Yeah, you're a simpleton who loves AI. Who gets delighted by AI. I forgot. I keep forgetting that about you.

[Caleb]

Oh, my AI friend just said something silly. I forgive my chuckle. I've just. You guys keep going. Look at some videos of a cat businessman cheating on this cat wife and their baby. Yeah, their baby drowning later. What you get pa, by the way? It's obviously coming up in my mind, how much is this guy getting to behave like this in the corner?

[Stavi]

Sick how much this piece of shit makes people with Bill with real jobs would throw up.

[Caleb]

I know.

[Stavi]

I heard what Elvis takes home.

[Caleb]

It's not good. I do. We should. There should be. We. You and I need to lock in 2026. We need to make a movie.

[Stavi]

I'm telling you, dude. I like the framework of I'm the piece of shit older brother.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

That we have to reconcile and do.

[Caleb]

Look.

[Stavi]

Does it have to be a treasure map? Yeah. I think that's fun.

[Caleb]

Also, is it funnier if you're the straight lace guy and I'm the piece of true. Is there inherent comedy in that? Of course.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

[Caleb]

Do we run a bank together?

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

Are we heisting? Who knows? I like you and I in a heist.

[Stavi]

Heist.

[Caleb]

I like get a couple other comics we like in there. Make it into a heist.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

Kind of an Oceans 300.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

Yeah. An Ocean 375.

[Stavi]

It's just a. Yeah. What's a high blood pressure type 2? Yeah. Yeah. Oceans 180. 140 over 58 or whatever. I don't know blood pressure enough to make this joke. But do it at home, folks.

[Caleb]

Don't worry about it.

[Stavi]

I gave you the template.

[Caleb]

I'd say you'll know the numbers in the next couple years. Much to the chagrin of my loved ones.

[Stavi]

I am not exactly sure what high blood pressure is.

[Caleb]

Don't worry. Those numbers are going to come into focus very soon.

[Stavi]

I'm sure I can figure that out by logging on to my. My chart heart. A quick visit to a patient first will let me know what high blood pressure numbers are. Elders do we issue. Is it time for us to do a little advice with our friend Caleb here? Oh yeah. Let's jump in here.

[Caleb]

Hell yeah.

[Stavi]

What do you got for us? You got some good ones? Okay. Could it be a little lower? Eldis.

[Caleb]

I'll just. Do me a favor. Make sure it's completely unhearable.

[Stavi]

Awesome. Every time there's a new problem that it's inconceivable that we have you just lost track of volume this episode.

[Caleb]

Is this better?

[Stavi]

Let's see.

[Caleb]

No, almost worse.

[Stavi]

It's probably just coming from your fucking laptop. Dumbass. Jesus Christ.

[Caleb]

All in now.

[Stavi]

Yes I can.

[Caleb]

That's what's going on.

[Stavi]

Yes I can. Hence the overpay. That's what I'm paying for. I'm not his not not quality. Just someone I can abuse.

[Caleb]

That's obvious. Watching the light and camera set up was pretty. I can't wait for the tell all about you.

[Stavi]

All right, let's see.

[Caleb]

Okay, I have to tell you, I was just looking on ebay, where I.

[Caller]

Go for all kinds of things I love. And there it was.

[Caleb]

That hologram trading card.

[Stavi]

One of the rarest.

[Caleb]

The last one I needed for my set. Shiny like the designer handbag of my dreams. One of a kind.

[Stavi]

Ebay had it. And now everyone's asking, ooh, where'd you get your windshield wipers? Ebay has all the parts that fit my car. No more annoying, just beautiful.

[Caleb]

Millions of finds, each with a story.

[Stavi]

EBay, things people love.

[Caleb]

Try Angel Soft for your tushy. It's made by Angels Soft and strong. Budget friendly. The choice is simple.

[Stavi]

Pick up a pack today.

[Caleb]

Angel Soft. Soft and strong. Simple.

[Caller]

Yo, what's up, styles? I got this situation with my girlfriend. I'm 20 years old. No, I'm 21 now. Just turned 21. She's 21. I'm in college, so she. And we've been in this relationship for about five months. Almost five months.

[Stavi]

Nice.

[Caller]

And since the beginning of the relationship, she has told me that she does not care if I other girls, as long as there's no emotional connection, that she's not jealous in that way, and that as long as that I love her and I put her first, which I do. And I could. Other girls now hearing this. At first, at the beginning of the relationship, I was, all right. It's bullshit. Of some type of chest.

[Caleb]

Sure.

[Caller]

Some to seek. She's Latina. She's. She's Venezuelan. So I'm like, oh, there's some Latina.

[Stavi]

She's gonna be like, oh, I knew.

[Caller]

That you wanted other girls after I did it.

[Caleb]

Right.

[Caller]

But five months into the relationship, we talk about it more, and I genuinely believe her. Like, okay, she's just not jealous in that type of way. In fact, I just found out that it's. It's kind of like a kink for her. Like, she. She confessed to me the other day that if I'm another girl, she wouldn't mind, like, being in the room to watch. And then after I another girl, I would fuck her.

[Caleb]

Oh, man.

[Stavi]

I was like, awesome. I don't know.

[Caller]

Like. I don't know. I don't know why, but she's kind of like a king first, so she generally doesn't mind if I fuck with the girls. And she understands that I'm not okay with her fucking other guys.

[Stavi]

Right?

[Caller]

And she completely understands and respects that. That's just, like, a difference between our boundaries. She gets it. And I get it. But I haven't done it because I don't know what to do. Like, do I do it? I'm. I'm 21 years old. I don't know if this is some, like, later on relationship ruining ending. I don't think it is. Because she started out this way. It's not like we started out monogamous. And no problem, later on she changed the rules. We have been monogamous, but the rules have always been the same. I just always kind of felt weird doing it, like, because I haven't done.

[Stavi]

He's just rambling, right?

[Caleb]

Hey, stuff. I'm 24, 21. Basically, I'm dating the coolest girl in the world, but I'm scared.

[Stavi]

Yeah, no, that's exactly it. You can hear in his voice, he cannot handle this.

[Caleb]

Yeah, no, he's not ready for this girl.

[Stavi]

What? This. And by the way, here's the thing. Do it anyway, man. Yeah, you're 21. This is all.

[Caleb]

Yeah, you're 21.

[Stavi]

Probably your birth certificate. Best guess, you're somewhere between 19 and 22. And clearly the trepidation here is he knows he is not ready for this. He's being. It's like a, you know, he's. He's getting. It's like a rookie quarterback being thrown into the starting job right away.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

This is the kind of guy who needs to take some. Some second team snaps. He needs to sit on the bench for a year. He needs to learn the playbook. But she's saying, like, you're no Jackson Dart, sweetie. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Caleb]

You're not ready to go and shine.

[Stavi]

She's looking for Jackson Dart. Look, you're gonna. It's gonna be a mess. You're gonna fuck things up. Up. You might be too nervous. But here's the thing, dude. This is a gift from God.

[Caleb]

It seems like it.

[Stavi]

This is a gift from God. You have to take it. Will she go to therapy and eventually stop behaving like this? Yes, totally. 100%.

[Caleb]

Do we look forward to that day? Yes. Are we?

[Stavi]

Yes. Are we happy for her when she does that? Yes. But are we happy for you now? Yes, you are. Literally. You did nothing wrong here. A beautiful gift has been dropped in your life and you're too nervous to unwrap it. Just unwrap it, man. Open Pandora's box. Nothing bad happens. I don't remember how that fable ends.

[Caleb]

Well, you open it and all the good stuff comes out.

[Stavi]

Bunch of good shit. Comes a cool stuff comes out. Basically what I'm saying to you is now if you were in your 30s and a girl and someone who you were like I want to get married to said this to you, I would tread a lot lighter. Right. You're both young. This isn't going to last anyway.

[Caleb]

I also would say maybe work for you, my brother. On the impulse that she. She's basically like, yeah, my girlfriend communicated like really clearly and effectively a way she feels about something. And I don't know, I just feel like she's a crazy who's trying to trap me.

[Stavi]

Yeah, this could be Latina tricks.

[Caleb]

Yeah, this could be that age old Latina trickery. I think maybe she's just telling you what she's into.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah. Which I actually do commend her for do. And it's clearly some kind of desire for. For her. Yeah. Because like she's, she's. This is not. She wouldn't be like, oh, by the way, you can. Other girls. What a ho hum. Whatever. No, nobody says that.

[Caleb]

Then the truth comes out. I want to watch.

[Stavi]

Yeah, it's a different thing to watch. Different thing. And like I said, yes, this is something she will be cured of hopefully at some point in her life or she continues to be awesome. I can. I couldn't tell you. But right now, go for it. There's no pro. I have not heard a single problem here.

[Caleb]

I personally believe women.

[Stavi]

Women.

[Caleb]

Me too. I believe women. And if she's saying I want you to other girls and I'm cool with watching you come. Me, yeah. And she's cool with not other guys. I believe her.

[Stavi]

Oh man.

[Caleb]

Go for it, brother. Have a good time. Not a single problem was community.

[Stavi]

Just that he. The biggest problem is that he might not be able to handle it.

[Caleb]

He also does not know his age, which really does crack me up.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah.

[Caleb]

21 also is not an insignificant birthday. Yeah. So that's also a funny thing to be like, I can't remember. It's not like when a 35 year old is like, oh, am I 34?

[Stavi]

35.

[Caleb]

20 to 21 is like one of the only ones that counts.

[Stavi]

You have a huge party at a bar for the first time. You get to. Even though you've been drinking, you're like, I'm gonna go to a bar and legally drink. Like it's a huge birthday.

[Caleb]

You don't forget that one.

[Stavi]

You don't. But yeah, it sounds awesome. I'm jealous. You talk about what it would take for me to settle down. A little situation like this wouldn't hurt.

[Caleb]

No, no, I'm not Going to let a woman go through that with you? I'll be vetting the woman you settle down with, and she'll be traditional. She'll be making Coca Cola from scratch in the kitchen. You want.

[Stavi]

You want me to have a trad wife?

[Caleb]

Yes. You'll be like, I want Cheerios. And she'll be like, let me whip some up. Like, this is. We're getting you someone traditional. I'm not getting you a fiery Latina with ulterior motives.

[Stavi]

That sounds so cool.

[Caleb]

Oh, man.

[Stavi]

Please, Caleb, please.

[Caleb]

No.

[Stavi]

What if I'm really good? What if I'm really good?

[Caleb]

You'll be really good, and we'll talk about.

[Stavi]

Oh, all right, let's play. So, yeah, good luck, buddy. Go for it. This sounds awesome. We're rooting for you. Give us another question. LD.

[Caller]

Hi, Savvy. Hi, Elvis, longtime listener, first time caller while you're in Oklahoma City this year. Love you. I am going through a personal conflict where I feel bad about my opinions even though I know I'm not a bad person or don't think I'm a bad person, but everyone who says they're not a bad person. So maybe I am. I'm not sure.

[Stavi]

And incredible. I see the light, but it's low as and it seems like you're being deafened in your headphones.

[Caleb]

The amount of money this show makes.

[Caller]

Hi, Savvy. Hi, Elvis, longtime listener, first time caller while you're in Oklahoma City this year. Love you. I am going through a personal conflict where I feel bad about my opinions even though I know I'm not a.

[Stavi]

Bad person or don't think like, he fixed it, but if it happens again, he will have to try a bunch of knobs he's never touched before. Okay, she came to Oklahoma City.

[Caller]

Keep going out my opinions even though I know I'm not a bad person or don't think I'm a bad person. But everyone who says they're not a bad person, that's kind of a con. So maybe I am. I'm not sure. And I am going through a divorce. My ex, years ago found a pair of underwear. Left. Left them, asked him about them, let him convince me that they were mine, even though I knew better. But I was like, okay, I love him. Maybe I blacked out at a 2 for 5 sale. Target can get you sometimes. Then I found out that he was, like, heavily using other drugs on top of this opioid addiction. And that led to cross dressing and, oh, wow, some anal play or things.

[Stavi]

Along that the drugs didn't lead. This is the most Oklahoma City I've ever heard in my life. Well, you know when he's having an extra drug addiction on top of the standard opioid addiction for living in Oklahoma.

[Caleb]

Mentioned assumed silent royal. That's like the royal you. Yeah, well, the opioid addiction that's there for everyone.

[Stavi]

You're. You live in Oklahoma. You're going to be on opioids.

[Caleb]

Crazy.

[Stavi]

And that led to cross dressing and butt play, apparently. Yeah. You know what they say, every drug addict starts wearing dresses.

[Caleb]

I'm going to tell you right now, without knowing the guy at all, the cross dressing led to the drugs. The drugs didn't open up the cross dressing. You were, you were ashamed of the cross dressing and didn't need to be 100%. And you said, what about opioids? And then that's kind of.

[Stavi]

Yeah, fully. Fully. Keep going, Eldis.

[Caller]

Some anal play or something that nature.

[Stavi]

How the fuck did that happen?

[Caleb]

I don't worry about it.

[Stavi]

The people at home don't understand how much else is up because you're not going to get the in studio feed, but the audio has fluctuated wild more wildly. And these aren't our first episodes in this studio either. He's worked out the kinks, but.

[Caleb]

But somehow during the pause, the volume went up 20% minimum and nothing changed that I saw. It's almost magic. Fucking David Copperfield over here.

[Stavi]

Yeah, he really is the David Blaine of podcast producers. Go ahead, Eldis.

[Caller]

And I, I accepted it and I was like, okay, fine, I'll peg you. I was like the fairy godfather of budget. But I, I clearly did not care for it. And it was weird seeing a grown ass man in a bra and panties that I didn't sign up for. And we are like getting a divorce or in the process. And now I feel like he's shaming me and making me feel like I, me not being a fan of it means there's something wrong with me. And I just want to know like, is there a boundary? Do you just accept someone no matter what and no, that's okay. Or is it like, hey, I didn't sign up for this shit and it's okay that I didn't sign up for it. Like you do. You do. Let me know. Yeah, thanks.

[Caleb]

Well, I, I, here's what I'll say. No, you don't have to be into pegging your husband in a bra and panties. Of course not.

[Stavi]

Wow.

[Caleb]

Well, well, well.

[Stavi]

Red state. Caleb rears his ugly head again.

[Caleb]

But I will say the venom in her voice when she said, twice, I didn't sign up for this. It's like, oh, okay, he might have a point somewhere.

[Stavi]

Well, it's just, I. We don't. It's gotta be tough for somebody who's, like, lying. It's tough because somebody's lying to themselves and you feel bad for them. But in that the person that I always kind of give a pass to is the partner who's somehow, like, also in the dark completely. 100 thinks they have, like, married a completely different person.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

So. And I. As long as I agree with you, there was a little stank on that. I didn't sign up for it. But it's more. I think I kind of. I excuse that as long as her overall stance is, hey, listen, go figure it out. Do whatever you need to do.

[Caleb]

100.

[Stavi]

But you also kind of my life up for, like, seven years or whatever, however long it was to figure it out. And I think she also, you know, got gaslit into. I mean, it is very funny to be like. Like, the panties were. It's like, it wasn't a different woman. It was his panties.

[Caleb]

No, you participated in a delusion.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

This woman participated. She goes, well, I just convinced myself sometimes target runs. I'm like, no, you participated in the delusion. You wanted the relationship that you lied to yourself about.

[Stavi]

Of course.

[Caleb]

And of course. Yeah, you don't have to be into pegging this guy.

[Stavi]

Totally.

[Caleb]

That's fine.

[Stavi]

Yes.

[Caleb]

But I will say, the way she said it makes me think that. But there might be something we don't know.

[Stavi]

Well, don't you think it was, like. Like, I mean, depending on how long this relationship was. Yeah, I do. I h. It's like, we say this also sometimes on the, like, on the flip side, when somebody's. When, like, when a guy has been gaslit by, like, a much hotter, like, crazy woman, where it's like, we don't want you to be a misogynist, but sometimes it's like chemotherapy, where you need a little poison to get over a relationship.

[Caleb]

Venom, to get out of that venom.

[Stavi]

To just so that you don't Venmo her $2,000 when she asks, you know what I mean? Like, it's okay to just, like. To basically, like, lash out in a way that protects you. And as long as that's what she's doing, she's like, I don't want to get sucked back into this. I'm pissed off. As long as it's not. I will give her a couple months of, like, of ignorance. Yeah. Because this guy fucked her life up to a certain, you know, like she thought she was getting. It's not as bad as getting cheated on, but it is like, like you were lied to about who you thought was your life partner.

[Caleb]

And you don't have to be into that.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah.

[Caleb]

You're totally allowed to get a divorce.

[Stavi]

What I'm saying is I'll give her a little venom.

[Caleb]

You give her the venom. I'm going to ask some questions. I'd like to hear a voicemail from the guy personally. Sure. I wish we could hear from him.

[Stavi]

I would like to hear that too.

[Caleb]

Now I want to hear a lot from him because I think this is fascinating.

[Stavi]

It is fascinating.

[Caleb]

I want to know about the opioid addiction. I want to know about the, the cross dressing. I want to know. I, it's. The cross dressing thing is so interesting to me because sometimes it's a, it's a trial run for transitioning.

[Stavi]

Sure.

[Caleb]

And I find that very interesting. And then sometimes it isn't. And sometimes it's just even more interesting, actually. What do you mean?

[Stavi]

Like the. Just a guy who's kind of. It's like kind of an old fashioned cross dress. Just cross dresser. Yeah. Like, I find that more because like transitioning. I understand.

[Caleb]

It's like, right, right, right.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Wrong. You're like, you want to switch up. You're in the wrong zone. Guys like, no, I'm a CIS male who's also. Sometimes I like to put on some tights and yeah, get left. My wife throws a J dildo up my ass.

[Caleb]

I put on Victoria's Secret and I get treated like a dirty little slut. And then I go back to the job site.

[Stavi]

I love that those guys are way more interesting to me on some level because it's like it. Because the, on the spectrum, the gradations to me are the more interesting ones. Of course, you know, because trans is almost like kind of old fashioned. You think at this point it's like, well, you just flip them from one to the other. But I like people who are like, I'm kind of in the middle, dude. You know what I mean?

[Caleb]

Do you know Hayden Johnson?

[Stavi]

No.

[Caleb]

She's a trans comedian. She's very funny. She has a great joke about this that I'll butcher. But she's like, she's like, yeah. For a while I was non binary and I was like, gender is fake. It's a construct. It's stupid, it's silly. We put it on people to oppress them. And then I realized I was a trans woman and it was kind of like. Like, I'm a girl.

[Stavi]

That's basically.

[Caleb]

I like dresses.

[Stavi]

I know. That's kind of what I mean. Yeah, that's really funny.

[Caleb]

So funny.

[Stavi]

Is she in New York? Where is she?

[Caleb]

She's in la. Okay. She's very, very funny.

[Stavi]

Cool.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Yeah. That's kind of what I mean, though, is, like, there is, like, in the middle, you get a lot of, like, sort of academic treatises about what gender is, what you think you're a little bit of this, you're a little bit of that. That. And then. Yeah. On the two extremes, it's just like.

[Caleb]

You know, girls do one thing guys do.

[Stavi]

Yeah, I want.

[Caleb]

Yeah, Yeah. I like that.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Caleb]

Well, that's like, most of the trans guys I know are like. They're like, masculine in a way that I couldn't even work at.

[Stavi]

Right.

[Caleb]

They're like genuinely fixing trucks.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah.

[Caleb]

And I'm like, whoa, you guys, really. You bought in on the man stuff?

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Caleb]

Hell yeah.

[Stavi]

And I respect that.

[Caleb]

And I need help with my car, so. This is great.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

This is really good for me.

[Stavi]

Well, it's like, sometimes, like, the. With religion, the. The phrase is like, the biggest zealot is the convert. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, when you're like, I'm switching up everything about me, because I love this.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

It's like, yeah, you're more of a man than me, for sure. I just kind of was born into this. You know what I mean?

[Caleb]

I'm vibing with it because it's what I got.

[Stavi]

Yeah. I can't fix. My dad's a carpenter. I can't fix. You know what I mean? Like, I'm just. I'm an artist. I do podcasts. You know what I mean? Like, I. It is a waste of masculinity.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

This frame. Oh, this. This is the. Like I said, I should be fixing the H Vac in my own. You should be a labor. I 100% should be a laborer.

[Caleb]

They said you exploit labor for capital.

[Stavi]

Let's not call what elders does labor.

[Caleb]

Well, unfortunately, it's looking like it. He was laboring over that sound.

[Stavi]

I wish he was a white collar. I have a blue collar mind doing white collar work.

[Caleb]

I've put makeup on a pig. No, you're doing a great job.

[Stavi]

Good job. But, yeah, you're not a bad person. It's just like. But give the other guy some grace. I would say you get a little grace period to be pissed off because you know, your life kind of got fucked up. But after that, let's chill. He's going through some weird shit. He's an opioid addict. Cross dresser in Oklahoma. Not an easy guy to be. And then just move on. You're okay. You know, you weren't into butt stuff. Stuff. Who knows? He might find a woman who's into pegging him and he'll live happily ever after.

[Caleb]

And kudos to her, by the way, for trying it.

[Stavi]

I do.

[Caleb]

I think that's cool.

[Stavi]

I will tip my cap to you for that as well.

[Caleb]

Yeah, that's really cool to be like, we'll see.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then going, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Caleb]

More. I will say more people sexually in general need to try some stuff.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

We have a problem with not trying. Just try it out.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

And then you can have a bad time and go, oh, I don't like this.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

Or do. Can we not do that again?

[Stavi]

Again?

[Caleb]

Not a big deal.

[Stavi]

Not a big deal at all.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

You're in a good relationship where it feels safe. Dabble.

[Caleb]

Try.

[Stavi]

Have some sec. The sexual equivalent of Ethiopian food, for example.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

You've only. You've been a burgers guy. Yeah. Go get some. Go have. Have. Have sushi for the first time.

[Caleb]

You're used to a fork and knife, right? With your hand.

[Stavi]

Exactly right. Let's get some roadie in the mix.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

I just had. I just had surinamese food for the first time.

[Caleb]

It's good. Oh, it. Was it in Amsterdam. Amsterdam, yeah.

[Stavi]

Dude.

[Caleb]

So it's good over there.

[Stavi]

It's the. The best.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

And why not A chill reason.

[Caleb]

Not into talking about it.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

I'm not into talking about why some cultures end up somewhere that you wouldn't expect them. I don't like talking about that.

[Stavi]

Yeah. When you're. When a European country that otherwise has bad food has a really good. Whether it's Indian or surinamese. Didn't happen in a chill way, but, you know.

[Caleb]

But I'm enjoying the outcome.

[Stavi]

What am I not gonna have the food now?

[Caleb]

The reality is what happened was very evil. But I'm just. It's Tuesday for me.

[Stavi]

It's. I'm on vacation. Yeah.

[Caleb]

So I'm gonna have dinner. I have to have dinner today no matter what.

[Stavi]

Whether colonialism existed or it didn't. I was eating something today.

[Caleb]

Wish it hadn't. Would have stopped it if I could. I'm going to dinner.

[Stavi]

That's what I know 100%. What else?

[Caller]

We got little LD based off eldest esteemed guests. I just I'm gonna try to keep this short and sweet, but I just need to know if I'm cursed. See, I'm 28. My parents are dead. My grandparents are dead from both sides. My closest aunt, dead. One of my uncles, dead.

[Stavi]

Jesus Christ.

[Caller]

Two of my four. Two of the three people I hung out with the most in middle school, dead. Child, another childhood friend, dead. High school acquaintance, dead.

[Stavi]

Jesus.

[Caller]

And then another childhood friend, dead. And then just this month.

[Stavi]

Oh no.

[Caller]

Another one of my childhood best friends passed away. Now, I don't know if I'm just cursed, but I think it's odd that like, all of my friends are like, dying. Sure, all my family is dying. It's not like I live in like a rough area. I live in a suburbi suburban area and like, there's no reoccurring factor in death besides cancer to three of my relatives. Something like, one of my friends died from a drowning, another one from a hit and run. Another one was shot hot my way. Another one had an asthma attack while smoking weed. Dumbass. I don't know how my latest friend died, but I'm assuming it was an overdose or a suicide because there was no news coverage of like any crazy car accidents he was in. His family's talking about respective privacy, so I'm not gonna ask them.

[Stavi]

Damn.

[Caller]

But you know, based off context clues, he kind of was a wild child. He was a party animal. Like, I don't know if most people who are 28 should have experienced this much grief and loss from.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Caller]

Friends and relatives yet. And I gotta say, it's with me. It's a lot to hold on to any type of advice. Be great. Yes. I currently am in therapy for unrelated reasons, but I will be talking about this stuff here soon. Doing thank you for any advice or whatever you guys want to give.

[Caleb]

11Th hour crazy turn. I know, I know.

[Stavi]

Because first, here's the arc of my kleptomania.

[Caleb]

But yeah, the. The. The first part is only funny. I want to hug this guy so bad.

[Stavi]

I know it's tough.

[Caleb]

The first part's only funny because he's doing it like a joke.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

I'm 28 years old. Mom, dad dead, grandparents dead, best friend from high school, dead. He even does like a. He's.

[Stavi]

He goes.

[Caleb]

And then last week my other friend passed away. Like, he like changes it up on us.

[Stavi]

It was good. I would. I guess my first piece of advice would be give back the jewelry from the elderly gypsy woman you took it from.

[Caleb]

Carry her up the hill like you promised you would stop shirking that responsibility. Jesus.

[Stavi]

Whatever cursed talisman you stole from an elderly Roma member of the Roma community, return it post haste.

[Caleb]

I can't think of anything that would have caused this. I built a casino on some land that were. I guess it technically was a burial ground, but. Jesus, man.

[Stavi]

I took out a. A, an infant's tomb to put in a below ground pool, but that shouldn't have done anything.

[Caleb]

It was an infant. Yeah, it was dead. I don't know, dude, this sucks. This is really tough.

[Stavi]

Yeah, I mean, I. I would say the first thing is that. That it seems crazy, but you are not cursed.

[Caleb]

You're not cursed.

[Stavi]

It's tough when something this insane happens to be. Yeah, to be. But like, that shit doesn't exist. And statistically, some people have awesome lives. I mean, like we said, we started this episode. We hit a hilarious lottery and some people have. Bad happens to you.

[Caleb]

Stop.

[Stavi]

I'm serious. Stop. Stop.

[Caleb]

I'm so sorry, but you going, hey, man, the way the cookie crumbles is like, we're doing great. We're doing good for you.

[Stavi]

It's.

[Caleb]

It's.

[Stavi]

It's lost. It's unspeakable loss. But that is how the world works. What do you want me to say?

[Caleb]

I don't think we're supposed to say it, but that is, That's.

[Stavi]

That's the truth. And unfortunately, it's like. I mean, look, one thing is that there is some things that are, like you said, cancer in your family. That's real, right? That's genetic. And I would say go make sure you're checked the. Up to the gills, right? Because that, that is the one thing that's not random. It's like genetics stuff. I mean, there's a reason this happens, unfortunately. Some families just have it in their, you know, in. In your DNA and just make sure you're checked up. But everything else, it's like, it sucks. It's horrible. You should be in therapy for this, not whatever. Whatever the. You're in there for.

[Caleb]

The side subject.

[Stavi]

You're a people pleaser. Not as important, not as important as dealing with this level of grief. And as hard as it is to like, internalize and, and think you're not cursed, you have to. You have to say not only you're not cursed, but if you want to spin it, it's like you're blessed. You're not blessed. I'm not going to say that.

[Caller]

You're.

[Caleb]

Everyone around you is dying and you're not. Brother, you're the chosen one.

[Stavi]

Actually, it's better to be the. Even if you were, it's better to be the cursed one than the collateral damage around the cursed ones.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

You know what I mean?

[Caleb]

Well, no, think about it this way. Most people you've met have not died.

[Stavi]

Yeah, that's true.

[Caleb]

Now your record is higher than most.

[Stavi]

Right, right, right, right.

[Caleb]

But most people you've met have not died.

[Stavi]

100% said. And also, not to be like, corny or whatever, but the best thing you could do for the people that you lost early is like, have an awesome life.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Have the kind of life that they want, wanted you to have. Right. And it's like, that can be very difficult. You can feel bogged down by it. But as up as it is, like, horrible happens in our world, like, in, by and large, we're pretty lucky in this country. The rest of the world's way more up, you know, and it's like, like you're not cursed. Some bad happened. You had some real bad luck. And all you can do is try and deal with the, the grief, deal with it, you know, move forward and like, it's going to take you a while and you got to be nice to yourself. Right. Because that's the hard thing. Feeling like you're like, there, there. If there's days where you just cannot, where you're overwhelmed by grief, that's understandable. A lot of times it's like showing grace to yourself in a moment like this where you're like, why should, should, you know, either I'm cursed or even if I'm not, I should be over this stuff. And it's like, not really, dude. No one, everyone deals with this in different ways. And you just have to deal with it and, you know, understand it's going to be hard and continue going to therapy and live as good a life as you can for the people that you lost, I think is, is all you can do.

[Caleb]

Yeah. There's no, like, leaving it behind. There's just moving with it with grief. And I think, I don't know if this is helpful or not. To me, it's helpful. Sometimes you just have to be sad and be like, I, I, I'm having a bad time, things are bad, I'm not doing well. But what helps me on days when I'm feeling down is to, like, really, like, try and meditate on the fact that, like, if you wake up able to move your own body and in a house that has, like, any kind of, like, keep you from the elements and you have clean water to drink, you are, like, living in, like, the top 1% of people who have ever lived on.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

In human history. In human history, let alone right now, even. Yeah. And so I'm like, there. There is some level of, like, you're here. That's a miracle to be here at all, and it won't last for very long. So, like, try and. Try and keep that in the center of your mind as you're moving through it. But, like. Yeah. Some days are just gonna suck.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Dude.

[Caleb]

Tough.

[Stavi]

It's tough.

[Caleb]

I love this guy, though. I want to give him a big hug.

[Stavi]

Yeah. He seems like a nice guy. And you're, all things considered, kind of keeping it together. Yeah. Like, this is up, dude. Understand that you're not cursed, but something really up happened to you and just keep moving forward. Forward.

[Caleb]

I would say move it to.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

I would say top. Top of the therapy list.

[Stavi]

I would say start with this in therapy.

[Caleb]

Yeah. Move this one up.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

I don't know if you've told your therapist about this yet, but I think lifting the curse should probably be the thing that you ask her about.

[Stavi]

And I would also say, let's knock grandparents off the list. Yeah.

[Caleb]

Okay.

[Stavi]

You know what I mean? It's like, you know, let's stop. We don't need to pad our stats. Yeah. Shit's going bad. Like, you know.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Honestly, an old grandparent, that's kind of a curse.

[Caleb]

It's like, I think he said, like, all of his grandparents are dead.

[Stavi]

Dead.

[Caleb]

That's kind of crazy stuff on that. No, he also said, like, my best friend from, like, middle school.

[Stavi]

It's like, did you remain close? Right.

[Caleb]

Or the deaths of your family, really embellishing the.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Let's not of, like, your old cool class. Totally. Whatever. Yeah. It's like, let's not look like there's some up that's happened to you, but it's like, let's not lump it in with grandparents and some guy you don't even talk about. Talk to.

[Caleb]

I will say the part that made me the most sad was when he said, the family's asking for privacy. I hate when they do that.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Caleb]

Tell me what happened. Happened.

[Stavi]

Tell me.

[Caleb]

I. You can. And there's ways to code it. You can be like, oh, wear your seat belt. You know, like, you. There's ways to let me know what happened. You got to let me know.

[Stavi]

He says his boy's a party animal. It's you. I think usually it's like drugs or suicide in those. In those cases. But, yes, you should Let him. There should be a couple. It should be like close friend. If you were on his Instagram. Close friends. You should get a hint.

[Caleb]

Yeah, it usually where I'm from, when. When a like a farmer kills himself.

[Stavi]

Himself.

[Caleb]

Which is not. Not often.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah.

[Caleb]

Farming accident.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

Oh, he killed himself. Got it. You know.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, got it. He laid motionless in front of a tractor.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

While it slowly ran to the job.

[Caleb]

Yeah. Watch out for those grain bins.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

Tough, tough.

[Stavi]

Oh, man. Give us another one. And then, you know, we gotta wrap up soon. We've got a very busy man on the couch here. Eldest.

[Caleb]

You guys are taking liberties.

[Stavi]

Excellent.

[Caleb]

Okay, I have to tell you, I was just looking on ebay, where I.

[Caller]

Go for all kinds of things I love. And there it was.

[Caleb]

That hologram trading card.

[Stavi]

One of the rarest.

[Caleb]

The last one I needed for my set. Shiny like the designer handbag of my dreams. One of a kind.

[Stavi]

Ebay had it. And now everyone's asking, ooh, where'd you get your windshield wipers? Ebay has all the the parts that fit my car. No more annoying, just beautiful.

[Caleb]

Millions of finds, each with a story. EBay, things people love.

[Stavi]

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[Caleb]

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[Stavi]

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[Caleb]

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[Stavi]

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[Caleb]

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[Stavi]

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[Caleb]

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[Stavi]

Effective learning program out there with an exclusive 20% off.

[Caller]

Hi stuff. Big fan. I just have a general question that I would love to get your input on. I'm wondering, where are we at with pushes? Me. You know, me and my friends are all very pro bush. We say this is the summer of bush. Bush is out. But also me and my friends are all like really queer, gay, you know, that kind of thing. And we live in the Pacific Northwest and so we kind of have our own little bubble. So I'm just wondering, as someone who is more, you know, around CIS straight, normal people, you know, what is, what is the world's opinion on bushes? Because I personally like, want to live in a world where like, I can go swimming in a public place and, you know, go bush out, not have to worry about it.

[Stavi]

Sure.

[Caller]

But I also, I don't know, I'm just curious. So let me know. Thank you so much. Bye.

[Stavi]

I will say it does Feel like there is a. That Bush is back. It does feel like Bush is having a huge moment right now. Go ahead, Caleb.

[Caleb]

I'm not involved. I don't.

[Stavi]

Surely you've heard some of this.

[Caleb]

I don't know anything about what's going on with Bush really. I don't know what the girls are feeling about it. Thinking about it.

[Stavi]

It. I think it's back.

[Caleb]

I send. You think so?

[Stavi]

I think so.

[Caleb]

I send them love.

[Stavi]

I think the total wax might be out of vogue right now. I also think it makes sense because it's like a very, very small. Almost like can be looked as a political act. Yeah. In a world where women are under attack. It's like, you know what? We're growing our pussy hair out. Grow the bush, you know. And I do think it's. I do. I have sensed something in the air that it is back Bush. That at least. At least you know. Know. I've. I've heard. I've heard rumors of it coming back. Swirlings are coming back. I don't know that it's fully back. I think definitely it start. It'll start somewhere like the Pacific Northwest in the queer community. And then it kind of trickles down. Like. Like a lot of culture. Yeah. Gay people are kind of at the. I remember. I remember when I saw gay guys wearing big pants.

[Caleb]

I was like, it's coming, it's coming.

[Stavi]

Three years ago I saw a couple gay guys in big pants. I was like, huh, uh oh, that's interesting.

[Caleb]

I'll be having to do that soon.

[Stavi]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Caleb]

Ye.

[Stavi]

And this just might be the way it is with Bush as well. And you know, I think there's nothing. I've even seen kind of the like, I've seen like even women who maybe traditionally would go full wax or like very manicured now they've gone to a manicured bush. So it's not like. Not everyone's letting it go crazy. So I think everyone is going a little more. If you were a completely. If you were a zero hair person, you're going to like manicured bush. If you're like, I'm a little up top. It's got. The bushometer is just kind of trending towards full bush, in my opinion.

[Caleb]

I've. I've always found it weird when someone has a problem with pubic hair.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

When someone's like, oh, I like it shaved, I'm like, that's weird to me.

[Stavi]

Totally. I don't like that. Yeah. If you have a completely particular way that you want thing, you know, you Want somebody else's like genitals to look.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

And they are against it. And you insist. That's weird. Strange. Yeah.

[Caleb]

Really strange. Yeah.

[Stavi]

And I think in general, it's like, you know, I. I may just kind of keep it. I don't give a. Obviously I don't give. I like to just keep my. Just so it's not overgrown. I don't want to look crazy.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

You know, also like we, you know, optically. Can't have. Can't have my little Aztec lost in the jungle.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

You know, so I'd like to trim it a little bit, but it's, you know, to eat each. To each their own. And I think. But I think. I think the dial has been turned towards bush a little bit here.

[Caleb]

I like that.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

I'm a fan of finding out on the day.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

Let's find out on the day. I don't need nudes. You know, gay guys are big on the nudes.

[Stavi]

Right.

[Caleb]

I don't need you. Some of your nudes, whatever you got going on in the day, if the energy's right.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

I'll be happy with it.

[Stavi]

I respect that.

[Caleb]

I'll be pleased with it all.

[Stavi]

Yeah. I guess the older I've got. I think as a. As a. In my youth, I liked nudes as a. Just, just. I don't know. I don't know why. Just as a symbol of getting Of a girl, like being like definitely wanting to, I guess.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

But I'm with you. Yeah. Surprise me on the day.

[Caleb]

I like to know on the day.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

It's a little gift to unwrap for me.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Caleb]

I find out.

[Stavi]

Is there any. What. What are the bush. What's going on in the gay community? Bushwash. Gay male community.

[Caleb]

All the guys I'm Are having pubic hair.

[Stavi]

Nice.

[Caleb]

Yeah. And I'm liking it for them.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

I'm having pubic hair. Sure, sure, sure, sure. You know, I keep my stuff manicure geared.

[Stavi]

Got it. I will. I take a Norelco oneblade to my nuts every once in a while.

[Caleb]

Yeah. And it's. And it's like. It's like an afternoon.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

I'm like, let me stand in the shower. Get the Norelco one blade out.

[Stavi]

Absolutely.

[Caleb]

I'm gonna nick. Every time I nick the sack a little bit.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

It starts to bleed and I get scared.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

Yeah. I cut the nut sack every time.

[Stavi]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's tough. It's hard. It's. That's not that skin. That's tough to Shave.

[Caleb]

It's really tough to shave.

[Stavi]

Wrinkly.

[Caleb]

Wrinkly and hard to get to. And when you're fat, it's like. Let's not kid about the angle. Angles.

[Stavi]

Of course.

[Caleb]

There's a lot of angles and folds there.

[Stavi]

It's a. It's a. It's an exercise of faith to trim your pubes as a fat man.

[Caleb]

Yes.

[Stavi]

You know, you're like, I hope hopefully there's not one strip.

[Caleb]

Yes.

[Stavi]

Hopefully I haven't left a little mohawk.

[Caleb]

And I almost always do.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

But maturity. I think growth, growing up is knowing that it's two days before the date. It's not the hour before the date. Don't go to the date with a bloody nutsack.

[Stavi]

That's very.

[Caleb]

Grow up.

[Stavi]

You know what? That's really smart. Grow up. And I definitely. I would like to say I would never even considered two days before, but I have gotten to like the morning.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

Because you want to have a shower. You don't want loose pubes being found.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

You know, but. Yeah, good luck for you. Good. I think you're. I think you're on to something there. I think you're. You've got your finger on the pulse. Bush wise.

[Caleb]

I tapped out of your voicemail. I don't know what you said. I heard the Bush intro. I knew it was exclusively for Stavi. You also didn't say hello to the guests when you started the voicemail.

[Stavi]

That disrespectful.

[Caleb]

I found that just two of the ones that we listened to did that.

[Stavi]

Yep.

[Caleb]

And I won't be forgetting. And so I don't care what happens with your pubes, darling.

[Stavi]

That's. Do you have something very quick for us to go? A Goodbye one eldest. Well, great.

[Caller]

Stavi, Elvis, esteemed and revered guest. And I appreciate your time today. I have an ethics question.

[Stavi]

Ethics.

[Caller]

I had a moment of weakness where I looked at some of my exes and I found out my most recent ex and the guy she started banging while I was in the process of moving out in our home. They got married and he is currently on trial for a hit and run felony. And I. After I got done laughing, I realized that he has a $4,000 fine and it's open to the public if someone wants to pay it. And I was wondering how ethical it would be to just pay a dollar at a time, just so they're wondering what the hell is going on. Just. Just to fuck with them a little bit.

[Caleb]

I don't know.

[Caller]

I don't. I don't contact these people.

[Caleb]

And I don't.

[Caller]

I don't do anything like that, but I just, I. I felt mischievous. And I was wondering what your ethical opinion on that might be. But thank you very much. I love you all and have a wonderful day.

[Stavi]

I mean, this is insane. You know, that he has a open hit and run case.

[Caleb]

I think two things are true. Number one, you need to move on.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

And number two, he already got his. Yeah, I know, I know, I know. He liked you. And there's some shame there. He's going to prison for probably a long time. He hit and ran.

[Stavi]

Yeah. I mean, dude, I know. I know the process this takes.

[Caleb]

Right.

[Stavi]

You have to go to a web. You have to look the guy's legal name up, because I. You have to, like, go to the different dockets of different court. Like, Like, I have a friend who loves doing this in Baltimore. He loves to just like, if we. If we meet somebody strange and we found some hilarious. I'll tell you off, Mike. We found some hilarious stuff, but it is like a. It is like a involved process, and you have to. It's not like, oh, I just logged on on Instagram and I saw what docket his fucking case was on. This is like, you need to find the guy, take his legal. Know his full legal name, put it into your state's, like, circuit court, circuit court search. Yeah. And it's a business. These are old Byzantine systems. It's like, you have to get it right to the letter. It does it. There's no. Like, did you mean this? Like. No. You got to be very sure. They have to go through different types of cases. Like, this is hard to figure out. And then I don't even know how you would find out that he's up. That he has a $4,000 fine.

[Caleb]

I mean, and that you could. The idea that you could pay at a dollar at a time. Does that exist? That you can go in once a day and that they get, like, updates?

[Stavi]

Well, so the thing I will say is that you can request. We found a guy who was. We. I wouldn't even say what he did. I don't want to dox this guy at all. But we found a guy who was just very weird to us and gave us some strange customer service one time, and we found that he had a very funny case. Right. And we request you could request the audio from a case or like, the notes. And we just want it to be.

[Caleb]

Like a FOIA request.

[Stavi]

Yeah, literally, something like that. And what we did know is that it shows up on the court Case if someone has requested the notes. So this person, he'll have. No, we're completely insignificant guys to this person's life. Right. They are going to find out. Maybe. Or maybe they don't know anymore. Like. Or their lawyer gets pinged that you don't know who. It doesn't say who asked. Yeah. Someone asked for this case that probably hadn't been open for like years. Like five years.

[Caleb]

Scary.

[Stavi]

So, like, you could do something like that if you really wanted to. First of all, pay. You were paying them. Yeah. Ultimately, you're helping him get off his thing.

[Caleb]

You're getting cucked again.

[Stavi]

You're getting cucked again. And you're like, isn't this funny? Not really. You're. You wake up every day thinking about this guy.

[Caleb]

Hey, stop. So this guy fucked my ex girlfriend while I was moving out. I was thinking I. I bounce him from the slammer as a sort of revenge.

[Stavi]

Yeah.

[Caleb]

Yeah, that sounds good for him.

[Stavi]

Yeah. I could take some of the stuff in the storage unit that I was actively moving to while he was eating my girlfriend's pussy. I could put up some of that for collateral for a bail bond. What do you think? What do you think? So I would say my advice is absolutely. This is insane. You got to stop. You have to stop thinking about these people. You have to fully move on or you're. You're insane. And you're. This is actually. You are still getting cucked by thinking about this. Bob.

[Caleb]

What are the ethics of me paying off his bail and getting the. The grieving family of the person he hit and killed involved? Perhaps. Maybe they want to pitch in.

[Stavi]

So, dude, don't do this. Stop. Move on with your life. And if I would do anything, I would set a timer on your phone for like seven years from now and then request the notes from his case.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

So that he thinks someone is like. Like he's a PI or something is looking into him, but right now, paying off his fine is not gonna help him at all. And you need to fucking move on. This is insane. This is fucking crazy.

[Caleb]

I love it, though. It was a very upbeat idea. He was like, what do you think about this? You feel like you're in a good place with your psychosis?

[Stavi]

Yeah, absolutely. And I respect that. I respect that you're in denial. You think what you're doing is healthy and not insane. And it is. And you have to stop.

[Caleb]

Yeah.

[Stavi]

But that's gonna do it for us, Caleb. Thank you, brother. Thank you. This was so great. As always, always a pleasure. On hbo, on hbo Max right now, the special model, comedian. Anything else you'd like to plug?

[Caleb]

Oh, that's it.

[Stavi]

That's it.

[Caleb]

That's so simply all. If you see something, say something.

[Stavi]

Yeah, look at your local cineplex. You're gonna see this guy all over the place. It's gonna be awesome. Thanks, dude. And thank you guys for listening. We'll talk to you next week. Bye.

[Caleb]

Hey, neighbor.

[Caller]

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[Caleb]

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[Caller]

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