"Breaking a Bone" w/ Dash Turner

Summary

StraightioLab Podcast Summary: "Breaking a Bone" Featuring Dash Turner

Episode Overview In the "Breaking a Bone" episode of StraightioLab, hosted by George Severis and Sam Taggart under the Big Money Players Network and iHeartPodcasts, the conversation delves into the intricate dynamics of straight culture through the lens of physical injuries and societal perceptions. Joined by guest Dash Turner, the episode navigates the intersections of vulnerability, risk-taking, and cultural stereotypes, offering a candid and humorous exploration of what it means to be "straight" in today's society.

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1. Introduction to the Episode The episode begins with initial banter among the hosts and guest, setting a relaxed and humorous tone. After skipping the advertisement segments, the main content kicks off around the [04:15] mark with Chelsea Handler joining the discussion.

2. Setting the Stage: Holiday Blues and Daily Struggles Chelsea Handler opens up about post-holiday malaise, expressing frustration over societal small talk topics and yearning for deeper, more meaningful conversations. She states:

“I want to talk about the state of democracy. I want to talk about the state of, you know, the complete failure of the global art market. I want to talk about things that matter.” ([05:00])

This segues into a broader conversation about how societal pressures and recurring annual events like daylight saving time impact mental health and personal well-being.

3. Introducing the Main Theme: Breaking a Bone Dash Turner transitions the conversation to the episode's central theme—how physical injuries, specifically bone fractures, are perceived within straight culture. He posits that such injuries are often associated with stereotypically straight activities like sports or extreme adventures.

“Breaking a bone is something that happens in high school, and then it happens again when you're literally old and, like, have a fall, both of which are very straight.” ([59:49])

4. Personal Anecdotes: Stories of Injury The discussion deepens as hosts share personal experiences with injuries, highlighting cultural narratives around vulnerability and resilience.

• Chelsea Handler recounts a concussion from playing dodgeball in sixth grade:

  “I got a concussion playing dodgeball in sixth grade. I played dodgeball really seriously. And I would train when I got home. I was really, really committed to being good at dodgeball.” ([66:24])

• Brian Regan shares his experience of a radial head fracture:

  “I did suffer a radial head fracture of my elbow when I was skateboarding at the age of 25.” ([64:11])

These stories underscore the episode's exploration of how injuries are often trivialized or seen as moral failings within straight culture.

5. Cultural Analysis: Straight vs. Queer Approaches to Vulnerability A significant portion of the episode contrasts straight and queer cultural approaches to vulnerability and risk-taking.

• Brian Regan observes:

  “They are like, doing things without the idea that they're like being watched or that they're like, doing it to create an image for sex or whatever.” ([76:21])

• Dash Turner adds:

  “There's no subtext. No subtext. It's literally just like, I am doing this, period.” ([76:22])

The hosts argue that straight culture often emphasizes performing strength and resilience without the layered meanings that queer culture might infuse into similar actions.

6. Media Representations: Impact on Cultural Perceptions The conversation shifts to how media portrays injuries and risk-taking, referencing shows like "Jackass" and movies that highlight physical comedy and tragedy.

• Chelsea Handler criticizes:

  “I think this episode will give people a lot to chew on this holiday season. I think people should play this with their families and sort of have a discussion group afterwards and see where everyone's going.” ([82:47])

This segment critiques the over-saturation of slapstick and unintended humor in modern media, suggesting it diminishes the authenticity of personal experiences.

7. The Symbolism of Injuries in Society Wrapping up the main discussion, Dash Turner and the hosts reflect on how injuries symbolize broader cultural values and societal expectations.

• Dash Turner concludes:

  “Breaking a bone is something that happens in high school, and then it happens again when you're literally old and, like, have a fall, both of which are very straight.” ([59:49])

• Chelsea Handler adds emotional depth:

  “When you see a gay guy with, like, a broken foot or something, you...” ([59:53])

The episode emphasizes how the perception of injuries is intertwined with identity and cultural belonging, highlighting the differences in how vulnerability is expressed and managed across different communities.

8. Shout Outs and Final Thoughts In the final segments, the hosts engage in the "Shout Outs" segment, offering humorous acknowledgments to various topics and personal anecdotes, maintaining the episode's engaging and lighthearted tone.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Sam Taggart on holiday preparations:

  “I've trimmed the tree, hung the mistletoe, and paired all those weird shaped knives and forks with the appropriate cheeses.” ([00:28])

• Dash Turner on societal surveillance:

  “We are being surveilled.” ([36:23])

• Brian Regan on Call of Duty as a coping mechanism:

  “I dedicated myself years ago to unlocking all of the good gun camos in Call of Duty.” ([14:10])

• Chelsea Handler on victim blaming:

  “It's a moral failing. And you're the type of person who will break a bone.” ([70:35])

Conclusion "Breaking a Bone" is a compelling exploration of how straight culture perceives and handles physical injuries, intertwining personal stories with cultural critique. Through candid conversations and sharp humor, George Severis, Sam Taggart, and Dash Turner provide listeners with insightful reflections on vulnerability, societal expectations, and the nuanced differences between straight and queer cultural expressions.

For those interested in understanding the complexities of straight culture and its intersection with personal experiences and societal norms, this episode offers both laughter and thoughtful introspection.

Transcript

[George Severis]

Hey comedy fans. The funniest comedians in the world are on tour and you can get tickets to see them live near you laugh with the biggest names in comedy like Atsuko Okatsuka, Brian Regan, Chelsea Handler, Corey Holcomb, Dane Cook, Sarah Milliken, Matt Matthews, Nick Swardson, Sebastian Maniscalco, and so many more. All kinds of shows, all kinds of venues, all kinds of funny. Head to livenation.comcomedy to get your tickets today. That's livenation.comcomedy.

[Sam Taggart]

All right, we're all set for the party. I've trimmed the tree, hung the mistletoe, and pared all those weird shaped knives and forks with the appropriate cheeses. And I plugged in the Bartesian Bartesian. It's a home cocktail maker that makes over 60 premium cocktails, plus a whole lot of seasonal favorites too. I just got it for 50 off, so how about a Cosmopolitan or a Mistletoe margarita?

[Dash Turner]

I'm thirsty.

[Emily Maitlis]

Watch.

[Sam Taggart]

I just pop in a capsule, choose my strength and wow.

[Dash Turner]

Beginning to feel more seasonal in here already.

[Sam Taggart]

If your holiday party doesn't have a bartender, then you become the bartender. Unless you've got a Bartesian, because Bartesian crafts every cocktail perfectly in as little as 30 seconds. And I just got it for $50 off.

[Dash Turner]

Tis the season to be jollier.

[John Sopel]

Add some holiday flavor to every celebration with the sleek, sophisticated home cocktail maker Bartesian. Pick up your phone and shake it to get $50 off any cocktail maker. Yes, you heard me. Sh. Phone and get $50 off. Don't delay.

[Emily Maitlis]

It's beginning to sound a lot like the holidays. The Roku Channel, your home for free and premium TV is giving you access to holiday music and genre base stations from iHeart, all for free. Find the soundtrack of the season with channels like iHeart Christmas and North Pol Radio. The Roku Channel is available on all Roku devices, Web, Amazon, Fire TV, Google TV, Samsung TVs and the Roku mobile app on iOS and Android devices. So stream what you love and turn up the cheer with with iheartradio on the Roku Channel. Happy streaming.

[Nick Swardson]

Take a deep dive into the stories making the news headlines across the world. The Newsagents we're not just here to tell you what's happening, but why from me, Emily Maitlis and me, John Sopel with Global's award winning podcast the Newsagents Dropping daily covering everything you need to know about politics and current affairs and the newsagents USA listening to the newsagents on America's number one podcast network, iHeart. Open your free iHeart app and search the newsagents to start listening.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Deciding on what to listen to is hard. Using Zumo to stream music from iheart 90s radio is easy. Or play iheart country or hip hop beats your choice. All for free. Stream easy with Zumo Play. Get live and on demand entertainment with no logins, no signups, no accounts, no hassle. This December, get cozy on the couch with Charlie's Angels starring Drew Barrymore, Lucy Liu, Cameron Diaz and Looper. Starring Bruce Willis and Emily Blunt. All streaming free on Zumo Play. Go to play.zumo.com now. Life is hard was easy.

[Dash Turner]

Hooty hoo. Special announcement alert. I repeat, special announcement alert. If you live in the city of San Francisco, California, we are doing a big jam packed Stratiolab live Show on Friday, January 17th at Cobb's Comedy Club as part of SF SketchFest. We cannot wait to see you guys. Tickets are available in our Instagram bios and on linktree.com Stradiolab that's L I N K T R E E.com Stradiolab Tell your friends, spread the word. This is one of the shows we've ever done. It's our first time doing Sketchfest. We cannot wait to see you. We can't wait to be in San Francisco in January and escape the frigid New York cold. And also, I guess the very warm Los Angeles weather for Sam. And we can't wait to see you January 17th at Cobbs Comedy Club, part of SF Sketchfest. See you there and enjoy the show.

[Chelsea Handler]

Podcast starts now. What's up, everyone? I'm being completely normal and George is treating me like I'm being insane.

[Brian Regan]

Hi.

[Chelsea Handler]

I am not looking at anything else but the screen.

[Dash Turner]

Okay, cool, cool, cool. There was a. I think it might not have been intentional, but the vibe of you started a sentence and it was almost like you were in the middle of like doing emails and you and someone called you and you were like, so we're here. It's Sunday. Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh my God.

[Dash Turner]

It seemed like you were scrolling or something.

[Chelsea Handler]

This is so messed up.

[Dash Turner]

Sorry.

[Chelsea Handler]

Podcast starts now.

[Dash Turner]

No. Oh my God. We are not keeping this in. Anyway, what's up? How's your Sunday? It's dark.

[Chelsea Handler]

It's dark where you are.

[Dash Turner]

It's fully dark where I am. You know, it's tough, these things that everyone talks about every year, you know, daylight savings, holiday, depression, blah, blah, blah. Because you want to be like, you want to be above it. You know, you want to be like, sure. That's what Normies talk about. That's small talk. Small talk topics. You know, what do I want to talk about? I want to talk about the state of democracy. I want to talk about the state of, you know, the complete failure of the global art market. I want to talk about things that matter. But of course, you know, if it's getting dark at 3:30pm you're going to want to talk about that. That's not normal.

[Chelsea Handler]

I actually think it speaks to how poor our memories are because the way that it happens every single year and every single year I'm like, this is unethical, this is wrong, this needs to be stopped. And like, there's no way it was this bad last year. And, and yet I know, I'm pretty sure it is always the same.

[Dash Turner]

No, it's always the same.

[Chelsea Handler]

But every year I think it's an injustice that needs, that can be stopped.

[Dash Turner]

But isn't it beautiful that we get to have that sense of childlike wonder? I actually would prefer this sort of like the performance of getting into the holiday spirit but also having a little melancholy because of the weather and talking about holiday travel and talking about gift giving and then suddenly it's January and you're like, oh God, I have seasonal depression. There's something, it's like, what are you going to do? Not let things affect you and just go through life dead eyed looking straight ahead?

[Chelsea Handler]

I mean, but there is, I guess I think there should be a limit in this life to how many times I can be affected and surprised.

[Dash Turner]

No, it's true, it's true. Because the more you're affected by just the passing of time, the less energy you have to actually be affected by more interesting things.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, I'm feeling persecuted.

[Dash Turner]

Why?

[Chelsea Handler]

I'm feeling persecuted. You know, it's just one of those days where I can't do anything right. Look, I can't do anything right.

[Dash Turner]

You were talking about this before. You're, you're like, you're having a day.

[Chelsea Handler]

I am having a day. Um, yeah, I keep doing this thing. Do you ever. So I was around children last week for the holiday and I was like, you know when you're around kids and you're like, oh no, I'm a child as well. Like, oh no. They're like, little outbursts are like, literally what I do on any given day. Like there was a point where like, you know, the three year old is like, I don't want chips, I don't want cheez, its I don't want goldfish. And it's like, what do you want. And they're like, food. And it's like. And I'm like, damn. I literally do that. Like, I'm doing that right now.

[Dash Turner]

Like, right now, me, like, ordering takeout and being like, I just want something good. And then Matthew is like, do you want Thai? Do you want Mexican? Do you want Chinese? I'm like, no.

[Chelsea Handler]

And, like, I'm thinking about what I'm going to do after this recording and the way that genuinely nothing will make me happy. Like, I. As soon as this recording is done, there is nothing that I can do that I will enjoy. So that's an awesome feeling.

[Dash Turner]

This is quite literally why we all have to have kids and have a traditional family. Because then what happens is you're an adult in your 30s, and you are, like, overanalyzing which specialty drink would make you happier in order to pump some energy into your afternoon. And this is at the center of why people think, quote, unquote, millennials are narcissistic. This is at the center of why people think that people that live in LA are out of touch. It's like, it all comes down to just like, okay, so you get to that point where you're in your early or mid-30s, unless there's something else that comes into your life that you have to take care of. All you have is specialty drinks.

[Chelsea Handler]

You're really trying. You're on this new kick where you're trying to make a case for children in sort of a roundabout, interesting way.

[Dash Turner]

No, no, I see what you're saying. And actually, children, to me, is a symbol of something bigger. It's like, if it's not children, then it should be. Then it could be like founding a company. If it's not founding a company, then it can be, God forbid, taking care of an ailing family member. But there is some new responsibility that has to come into your life at this stage, otherwise you lose your mind. And that's where a midlife crisis comes from.

[Chelsea Handler]

I hear what you're saying. So what you're saying sort of is like, you will be unhappy regardless, so stop trying to chase your joy and start having some responsibilities so you actually have a reason to be unhappy.

[Dash Turner]

I don't even think it's having a reason to be unhappy. I think it's limiting the amount of time you can dedicate to just freewheeling thought because there's only so many places your brain can go. And, of course, the idea, the ideal thing is being, you know, an urban intellectual, childless urban intellectual, who's independently wealthy, and you have the discipline to fill your time with books, documentary, film, you know, multiple memberships to repertory theater and cinema around the city and all this stuff. Going to the ballet. Yes. Like, in an ideal world, you have the discipline to fill your time with things that matter, but that just is not realistic for most of us.

[Chelsea Handler]

I have my discipline.

[Dash Turner]

You do.

[Chelsea Handler]

I have that discipline, Sam.

[Dash Turner]

I'm sorry I'm not seeing it today.

[Chelsea Handler]

George, but you're missing the big picture here.

[Dash Turner]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

There's context, of course. It's a Sunday after a holiday week.

[Dash Turner]

I see.

[Chelsea Handler]

I am returning to the office. I'm feeling the crash, the lack of freedom. The public intellectual wouldn't have to worry about work tomorrow. And the public intellectual could go to the ballet and even be like, let's get a cocktail afterwards because c'est la vie. Because all I have to do is get to the gym tomorrow by 11, and then I have a lunch meeting at 1 and then I can spend the afternoon following my thoughts until I go to the theater again. And I have this. There's such a time limit. And I'm like, I might as well be at work right now.

[Dash Turner]

I see what you're saying.

[Chelsea Handler]

It's already here.

[Dash Turner]

And I want to apologize publicly because I am now only now realizing you are in a state that I can't relate to, which is you were traveling for Thanksgiving and now you have the one day back before work, whereas I didn't travel for thanksg. I've basically just had like, a very sort of chill staycation and, you know, eating Thanksgiving leftovers for three days and going to a show last night. And, like, it's been pretty cozy over here.

[Chelsea Handler]

And not to be a bitch, I'm in. So I'm being such a brat. But, like, we also traveled to Toronto. Like, it was like, this is like, we went to Toronto, then we went to Virginia, and then I'm back and I'm like, I didn't even. When was my chill time except for.

[Dash Turner]

And now it was work.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yes. Yes, I see. So I'm being a brat.

[Dash Turner]

Well, should we bring in our guest and maybe you can take it out on him?

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, no. Look, I want to publicly apologize. I know how this is coming off, and it's not coming off glowing.

[Dash Turner]

You do not have to publicly apologize.

[Brian Regan]

He has to.

[Chelsea Handler]

I do, because I know how people will hear this and they would be right. Because it would be annoying to listen to. So with that, I don't know.

[Dash Turner]

I disagree. I feel like now that we've contextualized it, I think it's a very relatable feeling. The feeling of being in this liminal space between vacation and work or between family time and home time.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, it's relatable, but it's also like, you know, you're. We're here to, like, be a little more playful than that, I feel, or something. It's also like, it's so relatable that it's like, yeah, you have a job. Like, grow up. Everyone does. You know? Like, it's not something to, like, complain about. It's like, yeah, duh.

[Dash Turner]

But I do think this goes back to my thing about either having kids or founding a business. Like, that's how you escape that. That's how you escape the mundane nature of, like, problems. Like, cyclical problems like this.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Dash Turner]

Wait, let's bring in our guest, though.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay.

[Dash Turner]

Okay. Please welcome our dear friend, Dash Turner.

[Brian Regan]

Bitch. Thank you. Also, why did you flee the country for Thanksgiving?

[Dash Turner]

No, we went to Toronto for a show, and then Sam from there went directly to Virginia to see his family for Thanksgiving.

[Brian Regan]

Okay.

[Dash Turner]

Yeah. So, okay.

[Brian Regan]

The way I'm being undermined. No, it's.

[Dash Turner]

Everyone's being. Every single person. Every single person is being undermined from all angles. It's actually crazy. No one has the upper hand.

[Brian Regan]

Right. Well, can I say also, the way I've avoided any kind of ennui that Sam has described is I dedicated myself years ago to unlocking all of the good gun camos in Call of Duty. And that has provided me with a sense of task fulfillment, goal fulfillment that has completely freed me from any need to have children or real responsibilities. Okay, so the things that you should be considering. Bitch.

[Dash Turner]

You have the self discipline I was talking about. Except it's for playing Call of Duty rather than attending the ballet.

[Brian Regan]

Right. Did you go to the ballet last night? Was that the show you went to?

[Dash Turner]

No, I went to Dina Martina.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, fun.

[Brian Regan]

It's Dina Martina, drag queen.

[Dash Turner]

Oh, she's a famous drag queen. Sort of a drag queen that transcends the binary of good versus bad. I was trying to have a drag queen. Well, to some extent, but I was trying last night.

[Brian Regan]

2013.

[Dash Turner]

That's insane. What are you doing playing Call of Duty?

[Brian Regan]

Yeah, right. Going to the skate park, playing paintball.

[Dash Turner]

I have this thing where it's like you're ironically straight or something.

[Brian Regan]

It's not ironic.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, do you want to speak on it slightly?

[Dash Turner]

Yeah, speak on it. What the hell is the deal?

[Brian Regan]

Well, it's. I. Are you familiar with the idea of terraformation? Like turning a foreign planet into Kind of a livable space. Actually, that's not even the right concept to describe this. I just think it's more fun and more chill.

[Dash Turner]

You like more fun and more chill to be straight acting?

[Brian Regan]

No. Am I straight acting?

[Dash Turner]

No, not straight acting. Oh, okay. Okay. Having straight interests.

[Brian Regan]

Right. Well, the thing is, also, it's more fun. There's, like, I also am bad at theater. And that's pretty much everything kind of you guys do.

[Dash Turner]

We're actually not in the theater part of gay culture, believe it or not.

[Brian Regan]

You're so adjacent to it, though.

[Chelsea Handler]

So are you, as a person who does comedy. What are we talking about?

[Dash Turner]

You literally are a standup comedian.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, you're.

[Brian Regan]

But I'm doing it in kind of a thoughtful and almost like, subversive way.

[Chelsea Handler]

Right, right.

[Dash Turner]

So you like skateboarding, baggy clothes, Paintball. Paintball. Call of Duty reading, but, like, nonfiction books that are about war.

[Brian Regan]

I'm reading one about RNA right now.

[Chelsea Handler]

Are you familiar?

[Dash Turner]

Right, exactly.

[Chelsea Handler]

I'm not familiar.

[Brian Regan]

It's the messenger of the cell.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, rna. Got it. Got it. I thought you were saying. I thought you were saying, like, R and A. Like, it's some sort of, like, I was imagining, like, a financial book.

[Dash Turner]

Oh, yeah. You're reading about M and A.

[Brian Regan]

About mergers and, like, Rich Dad, Poor Dad.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, totally.

[Brian Regan]

Yeah.

[Dash Turner]

Are you reading Freakonomics? Yeah.

[Brian Regan]

Yeah, exactly. The rich dad, poor dad guy is, like, in super prison. Right? Or he, like, died, I think. I think he got.

[Dash Turner]

Yeah, but he thought of the phrase rich dad, poor dad, and that's more than most of us can say. We've said this before. I can't remember if we said at the live show or whatever, but, like, for nonfiction books, if you just come up with a good title or even a good subtitle, you should get a Nobel Prize. Like the fact that someone came up with Freakonomics, and it's about how economic models are not sufficient. It's like, that's genius.

[Brian Regan]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

The book could be empty and it would fly off the shelves, and it would deserve to.

[Dash Turner]

Yes. Literally. Are you kidding me? The power of habit. Give that man $1 billion.

[Chelsea Handler]

Hello, Dash. I wanna. I'm like, does. Does having Call of Duty genuinely stop the moodiness?

[Dash Turner]

Existential dread a little bit?

[Brian Regan]

Because it allows you to shut your brain off, but you're still doing something. I think a lot of other things that allow you to shut your brain off is like scrolling social media, but you're not doing anything. And so ultimately, the brain is able to almost overpower that and circle Back to ennui. Also, it's kind of like a reflection back into yourself, because you can compare the people whose lives you're viewing via all these apps back to your own and be like, oh, they're hotter than me. They're on more trips to Italy or whatever the fuck they do than me.

[Dash Turner]

Everyone's a little interesting. Okay. I think whether or not your brain is activated versus, quote, unquote, shut off when you're on social media is an endlessly interesting question. Because, yes, you are doing it as a way to, like, turn off your brain and massage your brain and be brain dead, if you will. But on the other hand, the stimuli, unlike in Call of Duty, the stimuli actually are activating, like, really bad parts of your brain. They're activating, like, annoyance, jealousy, even just, like, negative. The feeling you get when you look at a bad piece of art. Just, like, negativity. And so there should be a social media. That's where you're scrolling and it's just colors.

[Brian Regan]

Mm.

[Chelsea Handler]

That's kind of what Tumblr was.

[Dash Turner]

But do you think so? Because to me, Tumblr, you're scrolling and then suddenly you get a photo that's like a Sofia Coppola movie, and it says a quote, but then you're like, I disagree with that quote. And then suddenly you're angry.

[Chelsea Handler]

I just feel like I know what you're saying, like Tumblr. But it was the closest to that, I think.

[Dash Turner]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

Because it was like, essentially, like, no one was like, this is my quote. Like, it was like a Sofia Coppola quote. And it's like, sure, that's fun to see for a second. Next one.

[Brian Regan]

Can I make a corrective, please? George was so wrong. And you were also wrong. What actually needs to happen with this social media platform is what is good about Call of Duty. You have. You're tapping into the kill instinct. So you're, like, tapping on things. You're kind of.

[Dash Turner]

It's not passive.

[Brian Regan]

No, it's not. It's active. And you're actually actively, like, harming other people.

[Dash Turner]

So maybe the issue with social media is that you're almost like you become infuriated with your own passivity. Like, any feeling you have of, like, annoyance, negativity, jealousy, it all boils down to I hate myself for being passive.

[Chelsea Handler]

Dash. I want to ask, the downside to a Call of Duty, though, is, like, they're also causing harm to you.

[Brian Regan]

Like, yeah, but it feels good. Good Acupuncture, like, they're trying to hurt you in Acupuncture but you become stronger for it.

[Chelsea Handler]

Because I have gotten into my online gaming eras. Specifically, I was extremely into playing Super Smash Bros. Online, and I was very competitive, and I would like, who's your main ganondorf? And I was like, buck Wild, because he's old. And I would be so. I would, like, get upset. Like, I would. When I would be doing well, I'd be like, this is awesome. And then if, like, someone was, like, beating me, and especially in what in a way that I felt was, like, not tactful, I would be so angry with them, and I would, like. It would feel like injustice in the world.

[Brian Regan]

Mm. Well, that's what I would always play as Kirby and just do down B over and over and over again, which turns him into, like, a brick that is, like, unbeatable.

[Chelsea Handler]

Mm. It's actually very beatable. You just put on your shield.

[Brian Regan]

Well, I was also five when I did that, and all my friends were five, so they had not yet solved that. But also, I will say, don't you feel like, the pain, like, the negative feeling that you're feeling there almost kind of resets you back to a healthy place? Don't you feel like you need the.

[Dash Turner]

Video game negative feeling?

[Brian Regan]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

Huh. I know you're saying.

[Brian Regan]

And sometimes it's like a Tumblr quote where it's like, you need to experience lows to understand the value of highs.

[Dash Turner]

Sure.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, it did teach me, you know, the power of walking away, I think, because there were points where I was like, okay, you know what? I actually just have to accept that that person beat me, and I have to move on. And don't hit, like, rematch, because that's when it gets really, really nasty.

[Brian Regan]

George.

[Dash Turner]

It's like gambling. No, I don't know anything about what.

[Brian Regan]

You guys are talking about, like, abacuses or whatever. In Greece, right?

[Dash Turner]

No, they have video games. I just. I can't play video games.

[Brian Regan]

That's good.

[Dash Turner]

Sorry.

[Brian Regan]

No, that is good. And it's virtuous.

[Chelsea Handler]

It's virtuous. Well, it's. I do think it's like, if you don't start them young, then you're not gonna pick it up at 30.

[Dash Turner]

It was always so alienating to me. And I'm not. I don't mean, like, I do things that are way more harmful to me. It's not like, what I think.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, like what, bitch?

[Dash Turner]

Like, I definitely think scrolling social media is more harmful than playing Call of Duty, and I do that for hours at a time. I think that I often will, like, hate Read things. Like, I will intentionally read something that I know was written by someone I think is stupid or someone I think is wrong, or someone I think has the wrong politics almost as a form of self harm, because I want to see what's out there. And then I get into a hole where I'm reading responses to it and I'm like, well, those are also stupid. And it never results in me writing something, or me even. Not even writing something for public consumption, but even writing my thoughts down in a journaling way. It's just filling my head with negative thoughts. So I don't. It's not that I think I'm too good for video games. It's that I have to say, from when I was a kid, it was also alien. I would, like, try so hard to get into a video game and I'd be like, this is not enjoyable.

[Chelsea Handler]

Interesting.

[Dash Turner]

It's like how I felt with sports, where I was like, why does everyone think it's fun to kick a ball around? I don't get it.

[Brian Regan]

You're so gay. I love it.

[Dash Turner]

I'm not.

[Chelsea Handler]

That's so interesting.

[Dash Turner]

And actually, I have to say, realizing later in life that I thought that all of us rejected video games, and it turns out I was wrong. All gay guys are secretly playing video games for seven hours a day has been very disorienting. Because I'm like, hello. I thought that was like, sports. I thought we were all, like, felt alienated during kickball and wanted to go and watch the movie Saved starring Mandy Moore.

[Chelsea Handler]

Literally, if I didn't have video games growing up, I don't know how I would have socialized at all. Like, that was how that was. Like, you go to someone's house, they're like, do you want to play Mortal Kombat? You're like, yes. That's like the only way I socialized.

[Brian Regan]

Did you not do sports either?

[Chelsea Handler]

I did sports, but I did like soccer growing up. And then I, in high school transitioned into just like track, cross country, swimming. So which I would. I think I got till 502 at one point.

[Brian Regan]

Oh, wow. Good for you.

[Chelsea Handler]

But that was. Yeah, but I never broke five and I always wanted to. It's never too late.

[Brian Regan]

It might be too late.

[Chelsea Handler]

It's too late.

[Brian Regan]

Wait, can we pivot back to hate reads really quick?

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Brian Regan]

George, did you read the. Or did you hate. Read the big one from last week, the cortic one.

[Dash Turner]

Oh, no. Because I was like, it's sort of less. So that was the people's, you know, people's Disagreements with that was that it was just, like, stylistically awful and that he was, like, romanticizing Cormac McCarthy, like, writing love letters to a 16 year old, which, of course, I disagree with, but that's not gonna necessarily scratch the itch I'm talking about. I'm more talking about, like, people like that I disagree with politically making an argument and then me reading it and being furious, because I can imagine what I would say to them if we were on a debate stage.

[Brian Regan]

So you're like on Bobby Jindal's log?

[Dash Turner]

Sort of, yeah. I mean, maybe not that far, but basically.

[Chelsea Handler]

Dash, I have a question.

[Brian Regan]

You can be so real with me.

[Chelsea Handler]

You said you wanted the villain Edit. Do you feel like in a lot of social circles you're the villain, or do you just feel extra comfortable with us?

[Brian Regan]

Actually, the latter. Wait, no. Well, I'm mean to a lot of people, so actually, both.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay.

[Dash Turner]

I think you being mean is sort of on the same. Along the same lines of you liking straight things. It's sort of a way for you to be an edgelord. You're looking me right in the eyes and saying, I'm reading a book about RNA and you're tempting me to either make fun of you because of that or to ask about it. And it's like, that's toxic. That is actually the equivalent of Trump saying that immigrants are evil or something, because it's like, it is setting me up for failure. I can't actually. If I debate that on his. He's already won.

[Brian Regan]

Right? Is it that, or is it me trying to add an element of surprise to your life that is, I would say, otherwise kind of not being provided to us.

[Dash Turner]

I think that's fair. I think you're saying that in my life, there is a limited selection of activities someone I know could be doing at any given time.

[Brian Regan]

Yes, exactly.

[Dash Turner]

And reading a book about RNA is outside of that select collection of. Of activities. So you're providing a new experience for me.

[Brian Regan]

Yes. I think it makes life feel more rich when more people are doing more types of things, like, listen, but here's.

[Dash Turner]

Okay, here's my counterpoint to that.

[Brian Regan]

Genres of music, or you're not coming.

[Dash Turner]

At me and saying, did you know this fun fact about RNA that applies to something we're talking about? You're actually looking me straight in the eyes and as a provocation, saying, I'm reading a book about rna, period.

[Brian Regan]

Wait, George, do you want to be provoked one more time?

[Dash Turner]

Yes.

[Brian Regan]

I realize the T shirt I'm wearing today is actually Yanni's Ethnicity album cover. So I'm kind of using your culture as my costume as well.

[Dash Turner]

Wow.

[Brian Regan]

Wow.

[Dash Turner]

No, I actually love that. It's kind of funny. Yani is like, at some point, he was almost like a cultural punchline, and I think people have forgotten about him.

[Brian Regan]

So the more we can talk to.

[Dash Turner]

Sure. The more we can sort of raise awareness. I did not know he had an album called Ethnicity, by the way. That's iconic.

[Brian Regan]

Yeah, he kind of went for it.

[Chelsea Handler]

No, that's a big swing.

[Dash Turner]

That's a great big swing. It's not actually offensive to anyone. It's just funny to name your album Ethnicity.

[Brian Regan]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

Dash, what are your gay interests?

[Brian Regan]

Yeah, what are my gay interests? Oh, I like Madonna. I got really into music by Madonna earlier today, so that was big for me a few hours ago.

[Dash Turner]

Music the song or music the album?

[Brian Regan]

Music the album. Don't tell Me, obviously, was kind of the entry point.

[Dash Turner]

Love.

[Chelsea Handler]

Don't tell me.

[Brian Regan]

A lot of stuff going on in there that I would say is worth a listen. I also had a huge Ray of Light phase a few years ago. Well, that was, like, the fifth or fourth or fifth time I had Covid, and I think it, like, triggered a form of psychosis that made me so much more amenable to Madonna's music.

[Dash Turner]

Well, that's sort of how she entered her Ray of Light era, is the fourth or fifth time you do something. In her case, it was releasing an album. You. You enter a psychosis where you need either Kabbalah or yoga or some other alternative spiritual practice, and for you, it was listening to Ray of Light. And that is what guided you through the COVID experience. Yeah, for her, yoga guided her through new motherhood and, of course, her relationship with Guy Ritchie.

[Brian Regan]

Has anybody seen her kid in, like, 20 years?

[Dash Turner]

Which one?

[Brian Regan]

First of all, she has multiple kids.

[Chelsea Handler]

Madonna, sweetheart.

[Dash Turner]

Okay, can I just say something? Because this is also. This is also part of your personality that I think is a provocation. Dash will literally look you like, in your face and be like, who is Charlize Theron?

[Brian Regan]

It's kind of something I do more with George than other people.

[Dash Turner]

But it's like your refusal to know. And the thing is, I can't be mad about it, because actually, the fact that you don't know Madonna has a million kids from five different countries is good. There's no reason anyone should know that. I am not proud of myself for knowing that. I just. It is just something that I have to know. Just like, I have to know that, like, Ronald Reagan was Once president.

[Brian Regan]

Right. Well, you have like arcane knowledge about older women.

[Dash Turner]

In the way that many. In the way that many gay men do. I don't think I have it more than the average person in my demographic.

[Brian Regan]

Right.

[Chelsea Handler]

I. There was like that, I think the New York magazine profile of. Of Lourdes, Madonna's daughter, where she was like living in Bushwick and like she was like. Had rejected being a musician forever. And then she was like, I'm ready to be a pop star. And that was the last I ever heard. But I remember her saying she loved living in Bushwick because she could go on vacation because the rent was cheaper.

[Brian Regan]

That's actually true.

[Chelsea Handler]

Which I thought was really funny.

[Dash Turner]

Yeah, she snapped. Yeah. I mean, I can't.

[Brian Regan]

Did she bear these children or was she like paying women to.

[Chelsea Handler]

She adopted some. She.

[Dash Turner]

Well, Lourdes and Rocco. How much time do you have? Lourdes and Lourdes and Rocco are her biological children. Rocco is with Guy Ritchie and Lourdes is with. Oh God, I'm forgetting his first name. But Leon is Lourdes last name. And then after that she started adopting how many?

[Brian Regan]

Hundreds.

[Dash Turner]

Quite a few. Famously, she adopted children from Malawi and she was doing a lot of charity work in Malawi.

[Brian Regan]

Wait, so Angela, she sort of put.

[Dash Turner]

Malawi on the map.

[Brian Regan]

She stole Madonna's thing.

[Dash Turner]

It was around the same time. But I do think Madonna started doing it first.

[Brian Regan]

Right. They're probably racing there.

[Chelsea Handler]

Bidding. A bidding war. Should we do our first segment?

[Dash Turner]

Carlos Leon is Lourdes dad. Yes. Let's do our first segment.

[George Severis]

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[Sam Taggart]

Alright, we're all set for the party. I've trimmed the tree, hung the mistletoe and paired all those weird shaped knives and forks with the appropriate ch. And I plugged in the Bartesian.

[Chelsea Handler]

Bartesian.

[Sam Taggart]

It's a home cocktail maker that makes over 60 premium cocktails, plus a whole lot of seasonal favorites too. I just got it for 50 off, so how about a Cosmopolitan or a Mistletoe margarita?

[Dash Turner]

I'm thirsty.

[Emily Maitlis]

Watch.

[Sam Taggart]

I just pop in a capsule, choose.

[Dash Turner]

My strength and wow, it's beginning to feel more seasonal. In here already.

[Sam Taggart]

If your holiday party doesn't have a bartender, then you become the bartender. Unless you've got a Bartesian, because Bartesian crafts every cocktail perfectly in as little as 30 seconds. And I just got it for $50 off.

[Dash Turner]

Tis the season to be jollier?

[John Sopel]

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[Emily Maitlis]

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[Sebastian Maniscalco]

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[Nick Swardson]

Take a deep dive into the stories making the news headlines across the world. The News Agents we're not just here to tell you what's happening, but why? From me, Emily Maitlis and me John Sopel with Global's award winning podcast the News Agents dropping daily covering everything you need to know about politics and current affairs and the newsagents usa.

[Chelsea Handler]

They're eating the dogs. The people that came in listen to.

[Nick Swardson]

The NewsAgents on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to podcasts.

[Dash Turner]

Okay Dash, our first segment is called Straight Shooters and in this segment we test your familiarity with and complicity and straight culture by asking you a series of rapid fire questions where you have to choose this thing or this other thing and the one rule is you can't ask any follow up questions about how the game works and if you do I'm going to start playing some Madonna B sides that are not going to sit well with you.

[Brian Regan]

Well, I'm not worried, because I'm going to ace this bitch.

[Dash Turner]

Okay, Dash, Tuck Everlasting or fuck. That was long lasting.

[Brian Regan]

That was good. Tuck Everlasting. Because I like when the bitch falls out of the tree.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay. Solving the puzzle or sloshing in a puddle.

[Brian Regan]

I think sloshing in a puddle.

[Chelsea Handler]

Wow.

[Brian Regan]

Because mess can be fun.

[Chelsea Handler]

That's true.

[Dash Turner]

Casting a wide net or fasting. Except for one baguette.

[Brian Regan]

That's so gay. Which, by the way, no problem. Casting a wide net. Fishermen are like. Are fun.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. Okay. Telling a dog to sit or telling your boss I quit.

[Brian Regan]

Mmm. Mm. Really? Telling your boss I quit because I'm kind of anti pet right now.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, wow.

[Dash Turner]

I get that. Yeah, we can circle back to that. We can circle back to that. I'm in that space. Harvard, Barnard or aardvark?

[Brian Regan]

Mm, I'm thinking aardvark. Yeah, there's something about Northeastern colleges that just doesn't sit right with me.

[Chelsea Handler]

No, they shouldn't be. Okay. Username taken. Or I usually add bacon.

[Brian Regan]

No username taken.

[Dash Turner]

We are being surveilled or we are skiing in Vale.

[Brian Regan]

I love gang stalking right now. So I think we are being surveilled.

[Dash Turner]

What's gang stalking?

[Brian Regan]

I saw someone use it on Twitter. It's like, people. It's like Q or something. Like people being stalked.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, well, we'll circle back. Okay. Luck of the Irish. Or fuck off, I'm pissed.

[Brian Regan]

Fuck off, I'm pissed.

[Dash Turner]

Is pissed supposed to rhyme with Irish?

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Dash Turner]

Okay. Got it.

[Chelsea Handler]

I'm pissed. I'm pissed.

[Dash Turner]

Oh, I'm pissed. Irish.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Brian Regan]

Mm.

[Dash Turner]

Got it, got it, got it. That's good.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Dash Turner]

Well, okay, Dash, I actually think you did really well.

[Chelsea Handler]

I think you did a really good job. I think, first of all, you added you treated that sort of as like a conversation starter. Yeah. In a way that was interesting. So I'm going to go ahead and say 789 doves, which is huge. Out of 1,000.

[Brian Regan]

Sam. I know that's low. Keep going.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, if you're thinking we grade it linearly, then yes. Right.

[Brian Regan]

Grade deflation is the thing here.

[Chelsea Handler]

Now, tell me about your pets theory.

[Dash Turner]

Yeah, I want to know about pets. This is, of course, one of the most controversial subjects one could ever talk about on a podcast, because both pet people and anti pet people are insane and not normal.

[Brian Regan]

Especially like pibby people or pit bull people. But we can't get into this at all because they will take you down. Okay, so My thing about pets. Well, as somebody who still vaguely is in New York a lot and kind of, you know.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Brian Regan]

No one knows.

[Dash Turner]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

It's actually very confusing.

[Brian Regan]

I will say, when you see me in your city, that's less an indicator that I live there and more that it's like an omen or something.

[Chelsea Handler]

You're a canary in the coal mine. Sort of.

[Brian Regan]

Exactly. So you should run and prepare for the worst. There are too many dogs in New York. No worries. There are too many. There should be a lottery system where people lose their dogs. Like, It's. I think 50% fewer dogs in New York would be. Right. They're just too many. And they're in restaurants, which is, like, such an ordinary 2018 thing to complain about. But it's like, I'm kind of sick of it at this point. I do. I like dogs. I don't like the people who own the dogs oftentimes. I also think people need to start doing iguanas and shit like that. I don't know.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, this is the paintball call of duty. Jumping out, saying people should get iguanas.

[Brian Regan]

But it's also a more contained pet, and I think a more interesting world, if more.

[Dash Turner]

But there's also dogs that need to be rescued. Thoughts.

[Brian Regan]

That's such a good point. Release them in the wild.

[Chelsea Handler]

I think. I feel it's funny that you brought up New York. Cause I feel like LA is so the quintessential, like.

[Brian Regan]

Oh, yeah, I meant to circle back to that. Yes.

[Chelsea Handler]

There's a service dog in the restaurant that, like, clearly doesn't even allow dogs, but they put a little vest on it.

[Brian Regan]

Yeah. And it's like, biting, like, three people, literally.

[Chelsea Handler]

Doc.

[Brian Regan]

And shitting. And proof bakery. Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

This dam. I talked about this on the previous episode, but I watched this person order for roughly 25 minutes this morning at a restaurant.

[Brian Regan]

People will wait 40 minutes in line and then get to the front and then, like, sit in the lotus position and, like, meditate on their order for an almost impossible amount of time.

[Chelsea Handler]

But this guy was also. He had a dog with him, and he was holding the dog. He didn't even notice he was fully choking the dog. Like, holding it up to where it couldn't touch the ground. And it was, like, dangling by its neck for, like, minutes. And then his wife was like, daniel, the dog is being choked. And he's like, oh, my God. Instead of down. And I was like, how can you be that unaware? You're, like, wasting upwards of one hour in this line, and then you're choking your dog at the big moment. It was so crazy. I've never seen such, like, lazy, lazy dog ownership.

[Dash Turner]

How do you feel as a dog owner, Sam?

[Chelsea Handler]

I feel that everyone is correct. I feel that. I think I notice it more in la. I think more people have dogs, but they also treat them more like children in a way that bothers me. I have very my dad in me where I'm like, the dog is a dog and you have to respect it and treat it right, but you also have to remember it's a dog.

[Dash Turner]

Yeah, yeah. I sort of come out, like, feeling pretty zen about the whole thing. Cause I'm like, yes, I agree that. I both agree that pet owners can be annoying and I agree that people who are fervently anti pet need to take a chill pill and be grateful for what they have in their lives.

[Brian Regan]

Yeah.

[Dash Turner]

But I'm also like, ultimately the issue, as with everything, is that some people are very annoying and they're going to be annoying when they have pets and they're going to be annoying in other ways when they don't have pets. Like, get back to me when that person you think is an annoying dog owner no longer has a dog and then gets involved in local politics. Because let me tell you something, it is not going to be pretty. That personality has to go somewhere and it's actually probably a form of harm reduction if it goes towards dog ownership than if it goes towards, like, city planning. It's like, I just. And I think this is not just with, like. I think this is very much the case with, like, when people talk about influencers. It's like, yeah, those people would put that energy somewhere else if they weren't influencers hawking skincare products. Like, they would be at the front desk at the airport and treating you like insane and not being able to, like, take simple directions to write them down because they're too busy, like, making only fans content under the table or whatever.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, no, totally. Oh, well, I'm glad we circled back to that. Should we get into our topic?

[Dash Turner]

Yeah, let's get into our topic. And actually, I like doing this. Dash, do you want to, just, before we begin, go through your entire list, just one by one? Because I think that can be a fun activity and end on the one.

[Chelsea Handler]

That we're actually going to do. Of course.

[Brian Regan]

Yes, I'll end on that one.

[Dash Turner]

Yes.

[Brian Regan]

Great. As someone who is kind of, I would say, a mastery of straight culture so far beyond what George and Sam have, I obviously pulled from my kind of tone, I'm kidding. I love you guys.

[Dash Turner]

I mean, I do think you probably do know more about straight culture and specifically straight American culture than we do.

[Brian Regan]

Right? Well, yeah, I'm kind of out in the feeling you guys are kind of pontificating for your kind of eyesight.

[Dash Turner]

Yes, we're armchair.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yes.

[Dash Turner]

We're a priori. What are the two things?

[Brian Regan]

Oh, yeah, yeah. So you get it, right? And I'm kind of like Jane Goodall.

[Dash Turner]

Oh, yeah, you're with the monkeys.

[Brian Regan]

Yeah, I'm living amongst them, et cetera. I'm kind of Marie Curie kind of, you know, with the plutonium.

[Chelsea Handler]

I have a follow up question. When we circle back to this, there's.

[Dash Turner]

So much circling back, happening. It's like a maze.

[Brian Regan]

It's like David Foster Wallace, like endnotes.

[Dash Turner]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

Or should I not circle back? Should I just ask you right now? Ask Dash. How much of this is like, are you attracted to straight men?

[Brian Regan]

I'm not.

[Chelsea Handler]

So there's nothing about you that's like playing paintball with the boys and you get like a little bit hard every.

[Dash Turner]

Time you're not turned on by it. You just genuinely like.

[Brian Regan]

It's completely pure within me.

[Chelsea Handler]

Not even a little turned on?

[Brian Regan]

No. Well. Cause the thing about straight guys too is a lot of them don't really like. God bless them. Of course, if any are listening, which they shouldn't be. Love, you guys. They should be. They don't.

[Dash Turner]

They do, sadly, but not sadly. Sorry. I send my love out to every. I actually. I genuinely did not mean that. That was an instinct of some sort. I actually am very grateful when straight guys listen, but keep going.

[Brian Regan]

I'm laying a ton of traps for you guys and you're falling into all of them. They're just so non sexual when they're like with the boys a little bit that to be attracted to them would be hard. Does that make sense?

[Dash Turner]

No.

[Brian Regan]

Do you disagree?

[Chelsea Handler]

I fully disagree. I think that's they're so non sexual that it circles back and they become sexual again.

[Brian Regan]

Right.

[Chelsea Handler]

And they just are doing it. They think they're in private and so they're saying stuff that is.

[Dash Turner]

It's the ultimate vulnerability.

[Chelsea Handler]

They're showing things that you would never see otherwise.

[Brian Regan]

Like what?

[Chelsea Handler]

Like they're ballsacks, brother.

[Brian Regan]

That's actually true. Flash it, Bring it back.

[Dash Turner]

Yeah. No, there's a way where not to be gender essentialist, but it's like for a woman to be vulnerable, it's in private and it's, you know, she trusts her friend or her husband or her Mother or her father, and she, like, says something. But men are the most vulnerable when they are literally in public transportation. Like, when they are at a football game, when they are at the tailgate, when they are, like, out with their wife at dinner. It's shocking. I actually think they are way. Because they're so terrified of vulnerability. They're way more guarded when they are, like, alone with one or two people.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. If you can get them with the boys, you're seeing a real different side. That's. Sometimes it's jarring, but sometimes it's hot.

[Dash Turner]

That's why it's. So when you have kids, it's way more dangerous for boys to be in a big group together. Whereas what's dangerous for girls is for them to be in, like, a group of two or three, because then they'll start bullying each other. You know what I mean?

[Brian Regan]

So I feel like female vulnerability is them talking about how they're processing grief a little bit as well.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Brian Regan]

And it just feels very different when a guy is showing where straight guys.

[Dash Turner]

Process grief by taking up three seats at a football game and then taking out their penis and masturbating.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Brian Regan]

I remember when I moved to New York, one of my first times taking the 2 train to work in the morning at like, 7:45am There was a guy who looked otherwise normal, fully rubbing himself under his pants on the train. And it really was like, I guess. Go on.

[Dash Turner]

I mean, that'll happen, right?

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. No. It took me a while to get flashed on the train, and when I did, I was like, wait, you're hot. This is so wild.

[Dash Turner]

Sam. Sam.

[Chelsea Handler]

I just couldn't have seen that coming.

[Dash Turner]

There really are no limits to the things you will find. You'll find warning.

[Brian Regan]

I get it, bitch.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. Okay, so tell us your list now.

[Dash Turner]

Yes, tell us your list.

[Brian Regan]

Okay. This is abridged Xbox Live.

[Chelsea Handler]

Correct.

[Brian Regan]

Which we kind of got to touch on, which was kind of awesome for me.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brian Regan]

Not to brag. Regional accents other than Southern.

[Dash Turner]

Agreed.

[Chelsea Handler]

Agreed.

[Brian Regan]

I feel like sweet home Alabama and, like, the gay guy in that who gets outed, like, 15 times, that made it gay to be Southern.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, also, I think Southern is gay adjacent.

[Dash Turner]

Southern is gay. Like, if you do imagine someone with, like, just a big, colorful shirt just being like, oh, hey, y'all.

[Chelsea Handler]

Like that.

[Dash Turner]

It is gay.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, it's gay.

[Brian Regan]

I don't know what genteel is, but whatever it is, it feels okay.

[Chelsea Handler]

There's a pageantry to it.

[Brian Regan]

Yeah, exactly. Yes.

[Dash Turner]

No, there is. You're Paula Deen.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, right?

[Brian Regan]

Yes. And Cajun. They're so colorful. Anyway.

[Dash Turner]

Yes.

[Brian Regan]

Guitar solos. Waiting outside in the car.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, yeah. I mean, classic.

[Brian Regan]

Like moving to LA and realizing that every single person at the grocery store is a woman whose husband is sitting in the passenger seat in the car. Totally huge culture shock. But now that I'm kind of used to it, I like it.

[Dash Turner]

The lengths straight men will go to to. To not participate in something like they would literally. Rather than just like, go into the grocery store and like, hey, at the very least you'll stretch your legs. Maybe you'll get a little Power protein bar. But no, it's like, well, I don't want to do that, so I have to be sitting in the car or I don't want to do that, so I'm going to plan my entire day around not doing it. Anyway. Go ahead.

[Brian Regan]

Sitting outside. They're like daughters piano recital.

[Dash Turner]

Yes, exactly.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Brian Regan]

God, I should. When you have a kid, you should do that. Anyway. Okay. Third tier US cities. So I'm thinking like, Cincinnati.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're. So I'm actually like, if we were in sort of a booming industry where you could get a random TV show to do whatever you want, mine would absolutely be to. I want to go to those cities and find the local gay scenes and, like, see what they're about. Because I'm addicted to third tier city gay people.

[Dash Turner]

Totally. That would actually be a perfect travel show for you.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, it'd be so fun.

[Brian Regan]

They really, those gays are letting their freak flags, like, fly. Like, they're all furries. I mean, 100% across the board, nose to tail.

[Chelsea Handler]

They're the only people who are brave in this entire nation. They are like, they are living every day out loud in a way that we couldn't ever possibly imagine.

[Brian Regan]

That could have been you if you, like, stayed in Richmond or whatever.

[Chelsea Handler]

Literally. And yet I didn't.

[Brian Regan]

And you didn't. Pussy bitch. Next one. Prank calls.

[Dash Turner]

I mean, this is a classic.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, yeah. Hurting people for sport is always difficult.

[Dash Turner]

And also just like doing the most obvious thing in an attempt to be funny. Like, there just is something, like, to do you. It's like, why not give it one more layer of thought? Okay, prank calls. Maybe that's one. Why not something a little more like, you know, I even think, like, leaving a fake letter is a little more imaginative than a prank call. Like, there is just something so obvious about a prank call.

[Brian Regan]

Okay, wait, can I otherize you really quick, George?

[Dash Turner]

Please.

[Brian Regan]

Do you guys do like, Ding Dong ditching in Greece or is that, like, not.

[Dash Turner]

No. Well, I don't know. I mean, it's also like.

[Chelsea Handler]

That's a great question, Dash.

[Dash Turner]

Yeah. I don't know. Do they do that everywhere in America? I think that's, like, they do.

[Brian Regan]

Everywhere there is somebody under the age of 18, they are ringing doorbells. Yes. At 3 in the morning.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. And they're running.

[Brian Regan]

Running or walking.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, that's true.

[Brian Regan]

I would, like, strut away anyway.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, that's because you're a bad boy.

[Brian Regan]

Right.

[Dash Turner]

I also think, like, TPing a house is adjacent to prank calls. It's just like, what is the most obvious thing we can do to make someone's life hell?

[Chelsea Handler]

No. Sometimes I'm like, the fact that I TP'd houses in high school, I'm like, I was living in a movie about America.

[Dash Turner]

You did that?

[Chelsea Handler]

Literally, the boys cross country team would TP the girls cross country team and vice versa.

[Dash Turner]

That's insane.

[Brian Regan]

Yeah. I also did.

[Dash Turner]

I only know that from film and tv.

[Chelsea Handler]

It's so wild that it was real. And it was, like, the best nights of my entire life. Cause I was like, that's also how.

[Dash Turner]

I feel about prom. I'm like, it's crazy. Like, I get starstruck when people actually show me prom photos of them. I'm like, oh, my God. This is just, like, mean girls.

[Brian Regan]

There was a boy at my high school who was a fucking loser, all love. Who got tp, I think five nights in a row, different groups each time.

[Chelsea Handler]

Wow.

[Dash Turner]

Wow.

[Chelsea Handler]

Can I tell you, he was sort.

[Dash Turner]

Of the Bill de Blasio of your high school in that, like, people of all different political stripes were like, he fucking sucks.

[Brian Regan]

Right.

[Dash Turner]

But of course, now we miss him. Go ahead.

[Brian Regan]

I like six, seven, too, which was kind of awesome.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, and he loved the Y. I once was watching Saturday Night Live, and my friends in high school knocked to my window to get me to go teepee. And I was like, okay, yeah, sure. I'll go teepee with you. And guess what? It was the night that Ashley Simpson was lip syncing. And so I missed it. I missed it to go teepee with the boys.

[Dash Turner]

God, that sucks. That's just. That's, like how I missed the slap because I was tired and left the Oscars party early.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, my God. It's just so unfair.

[Dash Turner]

Oh, my God. That really does suck.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay, keep going with bullets.

[Brian Regan]

She got, like, yos queen redeemed a little bit, right, Ashley? Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

She got yas queen redeemed.

[Dash Turner]

She got yas queen redeemed. Oh, can I Tell you my other thing that's like you missing Ashley Simpson at Coachella. For whatever reason, I went to see, like, David Guetta or something, but I was, like, passing by. Like, it was not. It was not, like, my dream to see David Guetta. It was like I was passing by the stage. And he was honest here. He was playing. You know, he was like, DJing or whatever. And I was like, oh, this is. Is sort of fun. You know, obviously not in a. In an altered headspace, as you can imagine. And then some vocal came on, and it sounded like the mic. Like, it sounded like there was an issue with the speaker or something. And I couldn't quite see what was going on, so I was like, whatever, let's just go. We're going to Bon Iver. And turns out it was quite literally Rihanna making a special guest appearance. And so if I had stayed for one more second, I would have seen that Rihanna came on and did a song, and I had no idea. I was literally like, I'm leaving. This sucks.

[Chelsea Handler]

What a bummer.

[Brian Regan]

Wasn't it, like, a good song, though? She has, like, three.

[Dash Turner]

She has, like, one with.

[Chelsea Handler]

First of all, she has 1 million. You're being such a bitch, Dash.

[Dash Turner]

This goes back to your pop culture thing. Rihanna has so many songs that's like. They are all famous. She's got umbrella.

[Brian Regan]

She's got the one where she has the eyebrows. What was that one?

[Chelsea Handler]

No.

[Dash Turner]

She has so many songs.

[Chelsea Handler]

She has so many songs.

[Dash Turner]

What is her song with David Guetta? It's like, one of the biggest ones.

[Chelsea Handler]

Is that. It's not S M, is it?

[Dash Turner]

Is it. This is what you came for? No. Oh, you know what? It's actually not a good one. I think it's.

[Chelsea Handler]

Who's that chick?

[Dash Turner]

Who's that chick?

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. No, I.

[Brian Regan]

Who's that chick who's my number one pop song of this year? That people don't respect me because I like it.

[Chelsea Handler]

Sure.

[Dash Turner]

Who?

[Brian Regan]

Camila Cabello's. I love it. Really good. And here's the thing.

[Dash Turner]

I have. Sam, have you noticed that there is an underbelly of gay guys that are Team Camila Cabello?

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Dash Turner]

It's something I haven't said.

[Brian Regan]

Underbelly.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yes.

[Dash Turner]

Underbelly is the wrong term, maybe, but no, it's kind of right.

[Chelsea Handler]

No, I think that's right.

[Dash Turner]

That's right. It's a. There's something. And I don't say this about you. I say this about the general. About the general population of gay guys that are into Camilica Bay. There Is something a bit like, we ride at dawn. Like, they all, like, live underground and they are trading, you know, little burn CDs with our album and, like, recruiting people. And at some point, they will do an insurrection at the Grammys.

[Brian Regan]

Right.

[Dash Turner]

I know this is our fault for interrupting, but finish your list and then let's get into the topic.

[Brian Regan]

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Let's see. Antarctica.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, that's a good one.

[Brian Regan]

Kind of like voyaging down there. The thing working down there over a winter. Riley Taggart.

[Chelsea Handler]

It's my brother.

[Brian Regan]

Right. Sam's younger brother, who I actually knew before Sam.

[Chelsea Handler]

That's true.

[Brian Regan]

And so Sam will forever be Riley's older brother to me. The only person who will ever bring a 12 pack of Natty Light to a party.

[Chelsea Handler]

My brother.

[Brian Regan]

Your brother?

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, no, he'll. He'll roll up.

[Brian Regan]

Little King dying at a restaurant.

[Dash Turner]

This was a favorite of mine, and I actually don't even think we need to comment anymore. I think it's clear.

[Brian Regan]

You're such a hater. Okay. The Balkans.

[Dash Turner]

Wait, how am I a hater? I'm, like, supporting your topic.

[Brian Regan]

We don't need to talk about this anymore.

[Dash Turner]

Oh, I'm just trying to, like, you know, keep the ball right now.

[Brian Regan]

Well, I want the villain edit.

[Dash Turner]

You're getting it, bitch.

[Brian Regan]

Yeah, bitch. The Balkans.

[Dash Turner]

Yes. Correct.

[Brian Regan]

Right.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. So I don't really know what's. Where that is, but. But I celebrate them.

[Brian Regan]

It's next to Greece. It's kind of. Well, depending on who you ask, is, like, the impure countries next to Greece.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, okay.

[Dash Turner]

Well, that's not necessarily how I would frame it.

[Chelsea Handler]

Is there racism between Greece and the Balkans?

[Dash Turner]

I mean, it's. There's certainly racism between Greece and Albania, but it's. It's like Albania, Serbia, Croatia. Like, it's those.

[Brian Regan]

North. Macedonia. Yeah. Can you rank your least favorite countries from that region?

[Dash Turner]

No, I will not do that, Dash.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay, next one on the list.

[Brian Regan]

Yeah. And finally, actually breaking a bone.

[Chelsea Handler]

Okay. And this is our topic.

[Dash Turner]

And this is our topic. And now, Dash, I would love to invite you to tell us what is straight about breaking a bone.

[Brian Regan]

Right. Okay. Well, the kind of seed of this idea was the image of somebody you were in middle school or high school with coming to class on crutches because they broke a bone. That's kind of the origin point of that. But if you really think about it, the activities that you must be doing, unless you're a fucking loser who falls down the stairs, the activities you must be doing in order to break a Bone are like sports, usually extreme sports or like basketball, something that's like, you know, I would say very hetero.

[Dash Turner]

Snowboarding.

[Chelsea Handler]

I want to take that to another level too where it's like, not only are you doing the sports where you could break a bone, but you're someone who is like, like, I'm not scared to do something. Like, because, like, I like, I skateboarded in high school. I liked skateboarding, but I was never, I could ollie. Oh, I was dropping in, I was dropping in, riding around, but I was like, never like, you know, doing an indie grab360. Like, like, I was just like, well, I'm not good enough. I can't do that. And you also only get good enough by taking those risks. But like, I was like always like, I'm going to do this, but I'm going to do it as cautiously and safely as possible. And I think it's very straight to be like, well, I'm. If I'm going to do it, I'm going to do a big. And like, I'm not going to do it safely. And it sort of no pads or whatever. Yeah. And that, like, that fearlessness to me is very straight, I would argue.

[Dash Turner]

I agree.

[Brian Regan]

Yeah. Trusting that a risk could pay off.

[Dash Turner]

It does feel very 100%. I mean it is the foundation of a sort of business mindset too. Trusting a risk can pay off is what startup culture is. It is saying, I have an idea. It is self evidently stupid. And yet what if it's the next Facebook?

[Brian Regan]

And God forbid this also undergirds improv as well.

[Dash Turner]

100%.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, and childcare even.

[Dash Turner]

I mean, child care or childbearing.

[Chelsea Handler]

Childbearing. I think if you like, have a child, like, to me, you're absolutely right. This hurdle of children is like, that's insane.

[Dash Turner]

You're absolutely right.

[Chelsea Handler]

That's a person. I can't be in charge of a person until the day I die.

[Dash Turner]

And the blind confidence of being like, we are creating life and it's literally going to be fine.

[Chelsea Handler]

It'll be fine. It'll all work out. It's like, I would. That is really hard to wrap my head around.

[Brian Regan]

Or like the French parenting method when the baby's crying and it's been two months and they're like, we're just gonna let it cry itself to sleep or whatever. And then just trusting that it won't die of like sids or whatever the fuck.

[Chelsea Handler]

I think, unfortunately I would be good at that. I would be like, yeah, whatever. Make as much noise as you want. I'm out.

[Dash Turner]

So. All right. I think breaking a. There's something very. You're transported to high school. You're imagining the crutches. You're also imagining someone coming in with a cast that people are signing. Someone. You know, it's the week before the big game, and someone gets injured, and then you can't. You don't win the big soccer final with the other team. You don't win regionals. It's a very. Like, breaking a bone is something that happens in high school, and then it happens again when you're literally old and, like, have a fall, both of which are very straight. High school is straight. Being a senior citizen is straight.

[Chelsea Handler]

When you see a gay guy with, like, a broken foot or something, you.

[Brian Regan]

Don'T see that, Sam.

[Chelsea Handler]

I've seen one. I've seen one.

[Dash Turner]

Yeah. You're like, was he trying to stick that up someone's ass?

[Brian Regan]

Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, it literally makes me sad in, like, a grand way where I'm like, oh, no, you're not supposed to do this.

[Brian Regan]

Yeah.

[Dash Turner]

Why were you jumping off of that? Is she gonna jump from there?

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. You don't love yourself. You don't love yourself. And so you broke your foot.

[Dash Turner]

Yeah. Okay. And I want to say something else about the visual of seeing someone with a broken bone. Whether it's crutches, whether it's wheelchair, whether it's cast, it is this incredibly cruel immediate signifier of whether you are cool or uncool. Because there is a way you can look cool with a broken bone. As in use. You are bad at. You are a badass, and you survived breaking a bone. And there is a way you can look like a complete klutz loser. Like, look at this stupid bitch with the glasses. She can't even walk. And so she, like, fell down. She was, like, holding so many books and, like, talking to her mom on the phone because she needed her inhaler, and so she fell down the stairs. Like, it is. There's something. It's like. It's like, are you. Is your narrative one of perseverance, you survived the fall, or is your narrative one of defeat? You fell.

[Brian Regan]

And the latter. It's definitely. Like, if you have a scooter, you're the ladder. Typically.

[Dash Turner]

Yeah.

[Brian Regan]

Like, if you need that much assistance and you're not able to kind of, like, Jack London style, like, grin and Barrett. Yeah. You're bitch maid. I recently, I went through a rock climbing phase as a way to honor the kind of the white half of the family.

[Dash Turner]

Jesus Christ. It really is you just. It's nonstop.

[Chelsea Handler]

I know it's nonstop with you.

[Brian Regan]

And I was at a gym here in LA that is, by the way, one of the worst gyms I've ever been to in my entire life, bar none. Dogs everywhere. No offense.

[Chelsea Handler]

What's it called?

[Dash Turner]

They're rock climbing.

[Brian Regan]

Okay, don't be going there. Anyway, I was climbing with like, yeah, get em.

[Dash Turner]

Get that small business.

[Brian Regan]

Yeah, I'm a huge fan of chains. Like, let's see you operate at scale and then we'll talk, you know, fair. It's like, get over yourself. Anyway, I was climbing with like a couple randos there and we were like on a relatively kind of difficult quote unquote, I think, like, project or whatever the fuck. And a guy like, slipped off when he was trying to do it, by the way he worked there. He slipped off and landed on his foot, like fully sideways. And the sound of his bone, his like, ankle bone, like, fracturing or whatever. There's such a visceral, like, element of disgust with a broken bone too. It's not just like the image afterward, 100%. It's like when it's happening, it is so grotesque in a way that think, like, people talk about how gay shit or whatever is like, grotesque, like eo anal, but it's like the things that straight people do and experience can, like birth. Madonna can be so much grosser.

[Dash Turner]

Totally, totally. To be clear, gay people can give birth.

[Brian Regan]

Right?

[Chelsea Handler]

And straight people can have anal sex.

[Dash Turner]

And straight people can have anal sex, of course. But for the sake of this podcast, it is true that we put things in buckets. Sam, you were about to say something.

[Chelsea Handler]

I guess that is so gross to me that I'm having trouble.

[Dash Turner]

I know. I can't even contemplate it. Really?

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, no, it's like.

[Brian Regan]

Do you want to hear more details?

[Dash Turner]

No. It's like the worst thing in a horror movie for me is any type of bone breaking, any type of showing. I'm literally not even going to utter the words.

[Chelsea Handler]

But I mean, in challengers, when Zendaya breaks your knee, I'm like, oh, God, this sucks.

[Dash Turner]

Yeah. And I think the fact that straight people get a sort of kick out of that. No pun intended.

[Brian Regan]

Oh, you mean like scarred? Like on mtv?

[Dash Turner]

Even just like, even frankly, Jackass. Like literally the jackass symbol is two crutches.

[Chelsea Handler]

So true.

[Brian Regan]

Nobody's ever pointed that out before to me.

[Dash Turner]

It's just like, it's a very straight guy thing to be like, fascinated with breaking bones and with injury overall.

[Chelsea Handler]

I want to know what your guys greatest injuries are?

[Dash Turner]

Oh, no.

[Brian Regan]

I did suffer a radial head fracture of my elbow when I was skateboarding this the age of 25.

[Chelsea Handler]

Wow. Does that count as a broken bone?

[Brian Regan]

I think it technically counts. But the thing is I never. It was like a grade one or whatever, so I actually didn't really need to do anything. I just had to put it in kind of a makeshift. Not even like a cast, but kind of like a sling thing. And it made typing a fucking bit for sure.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, I'm sure.

[Brian Regan]

And being on the subway, not having like one half of my body available to like grab onto shit or whatever. I was flying. I was injuring hundreds of other passengers.

[Dash Turner]

My worst injury was I was probably seven or eight and. Or maybe even younger. And my mom brought home a. A sausage piroshki, which is a sort of corn dog type thing. Imagine a corn dog but without the stick, like sweet donut on the outside, sausage on the inside. And my mouth was watering just thinking about it. That was one of my favorite possible baked goods from a bakery when I was a kid. And I got so excited. It's not New Jersey in Greece. Yes. I got so excited that I ran to the stairs so hard that I. And these were marble, like pointy stairs. That I essentially started from the top of the stairs, like somersaulting down until I got to the bottom and landed flat on my face. I was covered in blood. And they had to put me in the bathtub so that they could get all the blood, rinse the blood out to see where it was coming from because all you could see was just blood everywhere. It was not clear if I had injured my back, my head, my elbow. And so they were just like hosing me down until enough blood disappeared so they could see where it was. And it was in the back of my head. I still have two little bald spots on my head from the stitches. And then they had to take me to the hospital and I got head stitches.

[Brian Regan]

A neurosurgeon went in there?

[Dash Turner]

Yeah, a neurosurgeon went in there and they gave me a whole new brain.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, they turned their sleigh settings on. Yeah.

[Dash Turner]

What was yours, Sam?

[Chelsea Handler]

I got a concussion playing dodgeball in sixth grade. I played dodgeball really seriously. And I would like train when I got home. I was really, really committed to being good at dodgeball.

[Brian Regan]

What was training entailing?

[Chelsea Handler]

So me and my friend would throw the ball at each other and practice catching it and throw it as hard as we could and then try to catch it.

[Brian Regan]

Is this with the red ball? Big bouncy one or, like, foam?

[Chelsea Handler]

I think it was with the bouncy. It was with the bouncy ones. And this one time, I was playing dodgeball, and I was running to get the ball, and it was next to a brick wall, and I got there, and then somebody else got there right after me and ran into me, and I ran into the wall, and I got a concussion. And I remember I had to leave the Johnny Appleseed presentation because I was nauseous from my concussion. And then I went to the hospital and blah, blah, blah.

[Brian Regan]

How long were you at the hospital? Months.

[Chelsea Handler]

Just for a touch.

[Brian Regan]

We learned how to walk.

[Chelsea Handler]

Then I went home and sort of watched the Pokemon movie, and then I was like, I actually feel fine. Then I got off and tried to run up the stairs and immediately started throwing up again. I was like, oh, I guess I have to, like, really take this easy. But I was kind of. I got to miss my presentation on Egypt, so that was cool.

[Brian Regan]

Why was that cool?

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, because I didn't. I wasn't prepared.

[Dash Turner]

You're too busy practicing dodgeball.

[Chelsea Handler]

And the teacher was like, yeah, I guess you don't have to do it. And I was like, awesome.

[Dash Turner]

Wow. All our injuries were so representative of our cultural backgrounds.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, George's Palace. Marble stairs.

[Brian Regan]

Now this is sliding down marble. It's like.

[Dash Turner]

It's not even marble. I actually should not have said marble. These were outdoor stairs. They were like. I guess, like, stone would be the right material. Imagine, like, gray rocks that were, like, marble.

[Chelsea Handler]

Granite. They were granite.

[Dash Turner]

Granite, yes. That's exactly what it was. They were granite.

[Brian Regan]

Granite stairs. Like 200, 300.

[Dash Turner]

Yeah. Like one flight of stairs. And I probably. I mean, I'm obviously exaggerating that I fell from, like, the very, very top. But, like, I would say probably halfway. You know, I tripped somewhere halfway. And then I. And then I started going. And I remember my mom trying to figure out what was happening, and she was like, what did you. Like, how did this happen? I won't be mad. Just tell me, like, did you try to skip a step? Like, did you, like, just to, like, figure out, like, where the injury. And I. And I genuinely. All I did was just go fast because I was excited to eat. But then she kept going, so I had to lie, and I was like, yeah, I tried to skip a step.

[Chelsea Handler]

She's like, well, now your insurance claim is void.

[Dash Turner]

Exactly. Yeah.

[Brian Regan]

Yeah, yeah, we had to flee Greece.

[Dash Turner]

Yes, exactly.

[Brian Regan]

Chasing your ass.

[Chelsea Handler]

No, that's. You go, well, that's one of the most sad things about when you're a child is when you do something stupid. And they're like, but what did you do? And you're like, no, I was just overly excited or overly emotional. I did. Yeah.

[Brian Regan]

I tilted back in my chair and hit my head on the edge of the bed frame in my sister's room and had to get stitches. Also, it wasn't as bad as yours, but it was like, wait, so all.

[Dash Turner]

Of ours are head related?

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, that's how they turn the sleigh switch on.

[Dash Turner]

Wait, so literally all of us have brain damage, and that's why we're gay podcasters. It. It's like, literally five years into doing this, we suddenly realize that the reason for all of it is that we have brain. Brain damage.

[Brian Regan]

Numerous lobes just missing, completely deactivated. But I told my mom. She was like, how did you split your head open? And I think I tried to tell her it just happened. Which. Imagine a world in which that could just happen to you, though, really did.

[Dash Turner]

Do the one thing they tell you not to do, which is lean your chair back.

[Brian Regan]

It was like an all American kind.

[Dash Turner]

Yeah.

[Brian Regan]

Injury, for sure.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Dash Turner]

Okay.

[Chelsea Handler]

I will say something about something that I still have from childhood that is the sort of victim. Like, I think we're doing it even now, but victim blaming. When kids break their bones. Like, when kids broke their bones in school, I was like, well, yeah, you would.

[Dash Turner]

Like, it's a moral failing.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, it's a moral failing. And you're the type of person who will break a bone. And still to this day, I'm like, well, yeah, you're the bone breaking type. Like, I would never break a bone because I'm sensitive and thoughtful.

[Brian Regan]

Right? No. Nobody in the honors classes was doing this. Like, let's be completely honest. None of these listeners are experienced. Having experienced that.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. Yeah. So maybe I don't need to fix that in myself.

[Brian Regan]

Right. Well, yeah, the prospect of having to, like, deal with insurance, too. Like, I just wouldn't get the bone fixed. I would find a way to move on with my life.

[Dash Turner]

Yeah. Your arm is just, like, dangling. Yeah.

[Brian Regan]

And it kind of becomes like a stylistic.

[Dash Turner]

Yeah, totally.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Dash Turner]

It's like having a little Susan Sontag gray streak, but it's just like your arm is dangling from your body. It's like, oh, yeah. He's just, like, artistic.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. This fall is all about exposed bone.

[Dash Turner]

Oh, yeah.

[Brian Regan]

When the bone comes out of the skin, too.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, sorry.

[Dash Turner]

See, this is the. It's like, yeah, this is what I can't do. I had a really difficult time during the horror porn phase of the early 2000s, during the Saw movies.

[Brian Regan]

Oh, hostile.

[Dash Turner]

Yeah, hostile.

[Brian Regan]

Did you not watch like 127 hours then?

[Dash Turner]

No, I didn't watch that either.

[Brian Regan]

Yeah, with. Who was that? James.

[Dash Turner]

James Franco. Talk about a straight movie. Like that is a fucking straight guy's wet dream is watching a movie where one male identified individual breaks his arm and that's it.

[Brian Regan]

And also, like a male identified individual who had been sleeping with college freshmen at like, five different.

[Dash Turner]

Oh, that's fine.

[Brian Regan]

Actually.

[Dash Turner]

You're so.

[Brian Regan]

You're so right.

[Dash Turner]

Okay, well, any final thoughts about bone breaking?

[Brian Regan]

We. I. You guys should try it.

[Dash Turner]

Breaking a bone.

[Chelsea Handler]

I'm scared. I think I. I think it actually is like something that I think I might be able to go my whole life without doing.

[Brian Regan]

Because you live like a pussy bitch.

[Chelsea Handler]

Because I live like a pussy bitch.

[Brian Regan]

Right.

[Dash Turner]

I also sort of live like a pussy bitch.

[Brian Regan]

Right. Well, George, you could easily. You still live in New York City, and so you could easily be hit.

[Dash Turner]

By a car, fall down the subway track.

[Brian Regan]

Fall down the subway? Yeah, onto the track, get ran over by the subway.

[Dash Turner]

Yeah.

[Brian Regan]

Break your leg that way. Or whatever happens.

[Dash Turner]

I mean, I do. I will say I. Because I'm a little. I'm pretty risk averse when it comes to physical activity, and I worry that it is preventing me from having certain experiences. Like, even when people are like, we hiked Machu Picchu, I'm like, I would die, George.

[Brian Regan]

Hiking is walking.

[Chelsea Handler]

Hiking is walking.

[Dash Turner]

Well, Machu Picchu is a mountain.

[Chelsea Handler]

Right. But you're walking up it. Right. What's.

[Brian Regan]

What makes you scared of Machu Picchu? Is it the kind of native quality?

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, it's racial.

[Dash Turner]

Is it racial?

[Brian Regan]

Is it?

[Dash Turner]

Because what if you take a little. What if you trip and then you're in the middle of a mountain and you're injured?

[Brian Regan]

Slide down the mountain, bitch.

[Chelsea Handler]

Get airlifted.

[Brian Regan]

Or they have helicopters get airlifted.

[Dash Turner]

I love that. Well, yeah, Right. So I want to avoid being injured on a helicopter, I guess, is what I'm saying.

[Brian Regan]

If we can go gay for a second. You know who really served recently? That bitch who was under the helicopter and who was spinning like a billion.

[Dash Turner]

The cow?

[Brian Regan]

No, the woman.

[Chelsea Handler]

The woman. There's one where a woman does it. Yeah.

[Brian Regan]

Or like Arizona. And she literally.

[Dash Turner]

Yeah, it was like an older woman, right?

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. No, it's iconic.

[Brian Regan]

And it's like, bae, don't sue. Like, that was such a surprise.

[Chelsea Handler]

They made you a dollar. You could have sold merch.

[Dash Turner]

The Image of that. Doesn't the image of that take you back to the good days?

[Brian Regan]

A more innocent time period?

[Dash Turner]

You know what I mean? It's kind of just been elected a meme like that. You're like, oh, God, if only I could wake up in the morning, log into my Chrome browser, and be faced with the woman spinning around.

[Brian Regan]

Yeah, we need more slapstick, like, tragedies, which breaking bone kind of is, but we need more of that coming up. Unless, like, I feel like I see all, like, tweets that are, like, referencing 40,000 other online kind of touchstone moments of the past.

[Dash Turner]

Like, no, we need to go back to physical comedy.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yes. Big way. In a big way.

[Dash Turner]

We need slipping on a banana peel.

[Brian Regan]

We need Grape Bitch. Who was the bitch who fell down when she was, like, stomping the grapes? Then she kept going, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. You know what I'm talking about.

[Dash Turner]

I don't remember this kind of vaguely. That sounds familia.

[Brian Regan]

And then she, like, totally disappeared from public life.

[Dash Turner]

Well, because you. Because you bullied her by calling her grape.

[Brian Regan]

No, I was celebrating her. For me, bitches are honorific.

[Chelsea Handler]

I mean, I miss news bloopers. That, to me, is the peak of comedy.

[Dash Turner]

Yeah.

[Brian Regan]

Here's the thing.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. DD mega doo doo.

[Dash Turner]

This is what sucks about. This is what sucks about our current media environment is like, it used to be a special thing to see, like, bloopers or like a gag reel, and now everything is bloopers and a gag reel and it's no longer special.

[Chelsea Handler]

No, you're right.

[Brian Regan]

We need the default Funniest Home Videos.

[Dash Turner]

What?

[Brian Regan]

For us, that needed to be the exception, not the rule.

[Dash Turner]

Exactly.

[Brian Regan]

Every piece of media is that.

[Dash Turner]

No, every single piece of media is America's Funniest Home Videos. And you're sort of like, this is bad for culture. Actually, the default should be a polished, well made product. And then as, like, catharsis, you know, occasionally we can look at bloopers, occasionally we can see, like, we can have a movie like, the Room that's celebrated for being so bad it's good. But that can't be everything.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, no, you're right.

[Dash Turner]

Well, actually.

[Brian Regan]

And can we wrap this back around to, like, a thesis statement about kind of this podcast and straight culture in general? Okay, I feel like one thing that's actually awesome. Cause you guys, you know, I think I like straight culture and see it as kind of a virtuous and moral thing, whereas you guys are kind of, you know, huge haters. No problem.

[Dash Turner]

I Actually don't think that's true.

[Brian Regan]

I know.

[Dash Turner]

I think we celebrate it, but keep going.

[Brian Regan]

You guys are lying to yourselves. Okay, so my thing about that is I feel like straight. One thing that's awesome about straight culture is they are not always in on the joke.

[Dash Turner]

Yes.

[Chelsea Handler]

There's a sincerity there.

[Brian Regan]

Yeah, exactly. They're like, doing things without the idea that they're like being watched or that they're like, doing it to create an image for sex or whatever. I feel like a lot of what queer people do is, I don't know, there's always the image of, how will this help me get it in? Or how will this help me establish who I am and my identity? Whereas straight people are just going to, I don't know, Pittsburgh Steelers games. They're just doing stuff. They're having weird interests.

[Dash Turner]

There's no undertones. No. No subtext. It's literally just like, I am doing this, period.

[Chelsea Handler]

Every straight person is a gay person from a third tier city.

[Brian Regan]

Yes.

[Dash Turner]

In that they're just like living out loud.

[Chelsea Handler]

They're like completely unself aware and they're just triumphant. I'm myself. I am me. What are you talking about?

[Brian Regan]

Yeah. They don't feel embarrassed.

[Dash Turner]

Ever.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Brian Regan]

Ever.

[Dash Turner]

Yes.

[Brian Regan]

And that's awesome. And I think so much of the exhaustion that everybody has with all forms of media right now is because people aren't willing to be the change they need in the world, which is to, like, have fewer thoughts, do fewer things with, like, hidden intent about, like, personal role and stuff. Identity. Everybody just needs to be watching more NFL games. Um, yes. By the way, I'm cognizant that you guys were recording this during NFL Sunday.

[Chelsea Handler]

I. I was not cognizant of the fact that. Yeah, I know that.

[Dash Turner]

So would you be watching football if it wasn't for this right now?

[Brian Regan]

Yeah, bitch. That's what I did on Thanksgiving too.

[Dash Turner]

All it was amazing.

[Chelsea Handler]

What is your deal? I'm like, mad at you.

[Brian Regan]

I just explained my thesis, which totally explained my deal, I think.

[Dash Turner]

So you're doing. You're watching all this because you want to just feel like straightforwardly happy without having to deal with subtext.

[Brian Regan]

Yes. And also NFL is like, football is fun to watch.

[Chelsea Handler]

It's like literally not fun to watch.

[Dash Turner]

Fact check.

[Brian Regan]

False. I went kind of George and Sam mode last night and watched Queer by Luca Guadagnino.

[Chelsea Handler]

How is it, by the way? No, I haven't seen it yet.

[Dash Turner]

I haven't seen it either. I've heard it's bad.

[Brian Regan]

Wait. Yeah. Do you Guys do honesty on this podcast, or should I, like.

[Chelsea Handler]

You can do honesty.

[Dash Turner]

We do honesty if people we know aren't involved.

[Brian Regan]

Yeah. Do you guys know Luca?

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah, Luca's pretty tight with both of us, but go ahead.

[Brian Regan]

Okay. Well, anyway, my thing about that movie, too much subtext. The one thing I liked about it, we should all be smoking inside Ra.

[Chelsea Handler]

Of course.

[Brian Regan]

Well, that connected with me from the movie. But a second.

[Chelsea Handler]

Was there fucking?

[Brian Regan]

Yeah, there was a lot of fucking.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, that's fun.

[Brian Regan]

So that's text a decent amount.

[Chelsea Handler]

Did you see Wiener?

[Brian Regan]

Yeah, there's. You see flaccid?

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, I love flaccid.

[Brian Regan]

It was.

[Dash Turner]

I like flaccid, too. And I get. I get the flas. I get flaccid culture.

[Chelsea Handler]

First of all, I get flaccid.

[Dash Turner]

I get flaccid. I'm actually. My default is erect. And then sometimes if I'm like, especially turned off, I'll get flaccid. But not to sound like a horny auga man, but I'm like, how about sometimes we do show erect, Right? Like, why is it. What is the whole thing? Why is it so much more pornographic? I mean, I get why, but why is it so much more pornographic to show erect? Like, how about you have some. Grow some balls and show erect?

[Brian Regan]

Well, and with lower shower dichotomy, too, it's actually almost more vulnerable to show flash 100%.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, I also think they are. I think the issue is that film people don't know what an erect penis should look like, because, first of all, for flaccid penises, they use prosthetics and make them gigantic for no reason.

[Dash Turner]

Gigantic. Yeah.

[Chelsea Handler]

So for them to show an erect penis, it would be, like, about 2ft long, because they would be like, well, it has to look impressive. And it's like, on the flaccid, we.

[Brian Regan]

Showed, like, a Marvelcock.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. And it's like, you could just show, like, normal and then normal erect. But they're like, but it's a movie. It has to be gigantic at all times. And I'm like, calm down.

[Brian Regan]

There's just a lot of decisions that they have to make. Like, what way is it gonna curve? You know?

[Chelsea Handler]

But I am like, how about you just base it on a real dick? And actually maybe even just the actor's dick.

[Dash Turner]

Yeah. How about the actor shows his dick? How about we all grow up for a second and we stop making prosthetic penises?

[Brian Regan]

Are you. Let's get rid of intimacy coordinators and just let the actor's Truth shine through.

[Chelsea Handler]

I mean, not to be a bitch, but yes, I'm like, enough.

[Dash Turner]

No, I don't. Listen, I think if intimacy coordinators are protecting vulnerable parties, then I'm all for it. What I don't actually care about is reading interviews about intimacy coordinators. The way that over the last three years, every fucking movie that comes out, I have to read about the specifics of how everyone got along with the intimacy coordinator coordinator. I should not even know what that is. That is a workplace thing. That is like me working at a newspaper and going out and doing an interview tour about how our copy editor is really nice.

[Chelsea Handler]

Also, I think intimacy coordinator is like sort of HR vibes, where it's like.

[Dash Turner]

Exactly.

[Chelsea Handler]

It only exists to protect the company. It doesn't exist to protect the actors.

[Dash Turner]

Yes.

[Chelsea Handler]

So it kind of pisses me off.

[Dash Turner]

But sometimes actors are so powerful that they are a company, and that's where things get complicated.

[Chelsea Handler]

Oh, that is where things.

[Dash Turner]

You know what I mean?

[Brian Regan]

Every actor accompanies because of, like, llc.

[Dash Turner]

Well, that's true.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, of course.

[Brian Regan]

Right.

[Dash Turner]

But some of them aren't.

[Chelsea Handler]

Anyone is a company.

[Dash Turner]

Anyone who's someone is a company.

[Brian Regan]

You guys have companies.

[Dash Turner]

Well, needless to say, you better believe we do.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah.

[Brian Regan]

I love that.

[Dash Turner]

Do you know I actually pay Sam as a contractor because we could only put one of our companies. Connect one of our companies to the Patreon.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. So I'm George's employee.

[Dash Turner]

Sam is technically my employee.

[Brian Regan]

Sam pays all the taxes, and then you just kind of don't have to.

[Chelsea Handler]

No, we.

[Dash Turner]

I actually think I pay all the taxes.

[Chelsea Handler]

I pay taxes on what you pay me.

[Dash Turner]

I know. I'm kidding.

[Brian Regan]

You got away with saying that. Anyway.

[Chelsea Handler]

So basically, we've brought culture to its knees.

[Dash Turner]

Yes.

[Chelsea Handler]

And I think this episode will give people a lot to chew on this holiday season. I think people should play this with their families and sort of have a discussion group afterwards and see where everyone's going.

[Brian Regan]

Would you like to break a bone?

[Chelsea Handler]

Would you like to break a bone? Do you believe there should be intimacy coordinators? Do you want to be. Should you get into Call of Duty or should you have a child? Right. Stuff like this.

[George Severis]

Hey, comedy fans, the funniest comedians in the world are on tour, and you can get tickets to see them live near you laugh with the biggest names in comedy like Atsuko Okatsuka, Brian Regan, Chelsea Handler, Corey Holcomb, Dane Cook, Sarah Milliken, Matt Matthews, Nick Swartz, Sebastian Maniscalco, and so many more. All kinds of shows. All kinds of venues, all kinds of funny. Head to livenation.comcomedy to get your tickets today. That's livenation.comcomedy.

[Sam Taggart]

All right, we're all set for the party. I've trimmed the tree, hung the mistletoe, and paired all those weird shaped knives and forks with the appropriate cheeses. And I plugged in the Partisan Partisan. It's a home cocktail maker that makes over 60 premium cocktails, plus a whole lot of seasonal favorites too. I just got it for 50 off. So how about a Cosmopolitan or a Mistletoe margarita?

[Dash Turner]

I'm thirsty. Watch.

[Sam Taggart]

I just pop in a capsule, choose my strength and wow, it's beginning to.

[Dash Turner]

Feel more seasonal in here already.

[Sam Taggart]

If your holiday party doesn't have a bartender, then you become the bartender. Unless you've got a Bartesian, because Bartesian crafts every cocktail perfectly in as little as 30 seconds. And I just got it for $50 off.

[Dash Turner]

Tis the season to be jollier.

[John Sopel]

Add some holiday flavor to every celebration with the sleek, sophisticated home cocktail maker Bartisian. Pick up your phone and shake it to get $50 off any cocktail maker. Yes, you heard me. Shake your phone and get $50 off. Don't delay.

[Emily Maitlis]

It's beginning to sound a lot like the holidays. The Roku Channel your home for free and premium TV is giving you access to holiday music and genre base stations from iHeart. All for free. Find the soundtrack of the season with channels like iHeart Christmas and North Pol Radio. The Roku Channel is available on all Roku devices, Web, Amazon, Fire TV, Google TV, Samsung TVs and the Roku mobile app on iOS and Android devices. So stream what you love and turn up the cheer with iheartradio on the Roku Channel. Happy streaming.

[Nick Swardson]

Take a deep dive into the stories making the news headlines across the world. The News Agents we're not just here to tell you what's happening, but why. From me, Emily Maitlis and me, John Sopal with Global's award winning podcast the Newsagents Dropping daily covering everything you need to know about politics and current affairs and the newsagents USA listening to the news agents on America's number one podcast network, iHeart. Open your free iHeart app and search the newsagents to start listening.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Deciding on what to listen to is hard. Using Zumo to stream music from iheart 90s radio is easy or play Iheart country or hip hop beats your choice. All for free. Stream easy with Zumo Play. Get live and on demand entertainment with no logins, no sign ups, no accounts, no hassle this December, get cozy on the couch with Charlie's Angels. Starring Drew Barrymore, Lucy Liu, Cameron Diaz and Looper. Starring Bruce Willis and Emily blunt. All streaming first on Zumo Play. Go to play.zumo.com now. Life is hard. Zumo is easy.

[Chelsea Handler]

Let's do our final segment which is called shout outs. And in this segment we give pay homage to the grand street tradition of the radio shout out. And just shout out anything that we enjoy. People, places, things, ideas. We make them up on the spot. And George, do you have one?

[Dash Turner]

Hello, healthy California locavore eaters. I want to give a shout out to a salad I made from the cookbook Six Seasons that is called, get this, it is called the kale salad that started it all. Now if you don't hear that and immediately want to go out and buy this book, I don't know what to tell you. But it is, quite frankly, the kale salad that started it all. I have never had good luck making kale salad myself because I find that I'm not really sure what massaging is and it always tastes way more bitter than when you get it at a restaurant. But this recipe really just was a breath of fresh air. It was so simple. And. And I also want to give a sub shout out to something that I did to slightly alter it, which is that rather than making breadcrumbs, I took panko and I pan fried it with some butter and olive oil and some garlic actually, and just made this like crunchy, these crunchy little deep fried panko bits that just add a bit of texture to an otherwise simple kale salad. So I just want to encourage everyone out there to make a simple kale salad and to add some garlicky panko bits to it. And you know, you can have a giant bowl of it and just sort of put in a giant ziploc bag and have it for every meal for three days like I did. You can supplement it with other things. You can crack an egg on top. Just raw is fine. And so shout out to the Six Seasons cookbook and shout out to the kale salad that started it all.

[Brian Regan]

Okay, salad that started.

[Chelsea Handler]

I have a shout that. Okay, what is up? Freaks, losers, perverts, and most importantly, family men. I want to give a huge shout out to when you leave a holiday and immediately go to the Eagle or a similar CD bar in your town. I think there is nothing more exciting than coming back from a family visit, having the wholesome energy of the family and then being like, you know what? I'm going to run in the complete opposite direction as quickly as I possibly can. And I'm going to go to the eagle and I'm going to commit to it. I find it to be. I feel more equilibrium than I ever do after a full family visit and then an eagle trip. I feel like I'm myself. I am two people in one body. I contain multitudes, and I am free, essentially. So I can't recommend it enough. Go see your family and then be as bad as you want because you've earned it. And that's my shout out. Xoxo, Sam.

[Dash Turner]

Go me.

[Brian Regan]

Okay, folks. Sup, pimps and players and gals across the contiguous United States, I'd like to give a huge shout out to gas station treats. Bitch. I'm talking Hubba Bubba, bubble tape, sour blue raspberry, six feet of fun. Let's say that Zinn. I got some zin pouches. I consider this.

[Dash Turner]

No, do not eat that bit.

[Brian Regan]

How dare you interrupt a shout out, Bitch, I'm eating this. I'm chewing it, and honey, I'm swallowing, bitch.

[Chelsea Handler]

Wow.

[Brian Regan]

I will simply say that Slim Jims. Everything that's sold at the gas station is something I am putting in my body. You can trust. And I feel energetic. I feel stronger than I ever have before. I recently got really back into Hershey's cookies and cream bars, which I later found out have over 600 grams of sugar in them. I'm gonna have, like, ultra diabetes by end of Q4, bitch. And I'm completely good with that and I don't have any regrets and I don't live like that. And yeah, that's pretty much it, you know. Two words. I love it.

[Chelsea Handler]

Wow.

[Sam Taggart]

Thank you.

[Dash Turner]

The final provocation is you shouting out gas station snacks after an entire episode of talking about how you rather be watching football and how you don't know if Madonna has multiple kids.

[Brian Regan]

Right.

[Dash Turner]

To end on endorsing gas station snacks.

[Brian Regan]

Well, you can really. You can live off of gas station food for months and be healthier than you would otherwise.

[Dash Turner]

That is not true.

[Brian Regan]

Well, maybe our bodies are built different.

[Dash Turner]

I don't know.

[Brian Regan]

No, I wasn't. Bitch. Made so fair.

[Dash Turner]

That's why you've never broken a bone.

[Chelsea Handler]

These bones don't break.

[Dash Turner]

These bones don't break. These American bones don't break. That's actually the new tagline of Stranger lab is these American bones don't break.

[Chelsea Handler]

Don't break. Damn. Well, Dash, this has been a real treat. Thanks for coming on the show.

[Brian Regan]

It was a joy to bring so much nuance. And beautiful thought and it was a joy to come. So crude. Yes.

[Chelsea Handler]

Yeah. Yeah. I think. I think people this will change minds and hearts.

[Dash Turner]

Totally.

[Brian Regan]

I completely agree. Of course.

[Chelsea Handler]

Well, all right. Bye.

[Brian Regan]

Have fun at the Bell House.

[Dash Turner]

Thanks, bitch.

[Chelsea Handler]

Podcast ends now.

[Dash Turner]

Want more? Subscribe to our Patreon for two extra episodes a month, Discord Access and more by heading to patreon.com straddle and for.

[Chelsea Handler]

All our visual learners. Free full length video episodes are available on our YouTube.

[Dash Turner]

Now get back to work.

[Chelsea Handler]

Stradiolab is a Production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network and iHeart Podcasts.

[Dash Turner]

Created and hosted by George Severis and.

[Chelsea Handler]

Sam Taggart, executive produced by Will Ferrell, Han Sani and Olivia Aguilar co produced by Bay Wang Edited and engineered by.

[Dash Turner]

Adam Avalos Artwork by Michael Fales and.

[Chelsea Handler]

Matt Grubb Theme music by Ben Kling.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Hey, comedy fans. The funniest comedians in the world are on tour and you can get tickets to see them live near you. Laugh at the biggest names in comedy like Atsuko Oka, Chelsea Handler, Corey Holcomb, Matt Matthews, Nurse John, Ralph Barboza, Ronnie Chang, Sarah Silverman, Sebastian Maniscalco, Wanda Sykes, and so many more. All kinds of shows, all kinds of venues, all kinds of fun. Head to livenation.comcomedy to get your tickets today. That's livenation.comcomedy.

[Sam Taggart]

All right, we're all set for the party. I've trimmed the tree, hung the mistletoe, and paired all those weird shaped knives and forks with the appropriate cheeses. And I plugged in the Partisan.

[Chelsea Handler]

Partisan.

[Sam Taggart]

It's a home cocktail maker that makes over 60 premium cocktails, plus a whole lot of seasonal favorites, too. I just got it for 50 off, so how about a Cosmopolitan or a Mistletoe margarita?

[Dash Turner]

I'm thirsty.

[Emily Maitlis]

Watch.

[Sam Taggart]

I just pop in a capsule, choose my strength and wow, it's beginning to.

[Dash Turner]

Feel more seasonal in here already.

[Sam Taggart]

If your holiday party doesn't have a bartender, then you become the bartender. Unless you've got a Bartesian, because Bartesian crafts every cocktail perfectly in as little as 30 seconds. And I just got it for $50 off.

[Dash Turner]

Tis the season to be jollier.

[John Sopel]

Add some holiday flavor to every celebration with the sleek, sophisticated home cocktail maker Bartesian. Pick up your phone and shake it to get $50 off any cocktail maker. Yes, you heard me. Shake your phone and get $50 off. Don't delay.

[Emily Maitlis]

It's beginning to sound a lot like the holidays. The Roku Channel, your home for free. And premium TV is giving you access to holiday music and genre base stations from iHeart, all for free. Find the soundtrack of the season with channels like iHeartChrist and North Pole Radio. The Roku Channel is available on all Roku devices, Web, Amazon Fire TV, Google TV, Samsung TVs and the Roku mobile app on iOS and Android devices. So stream what you love and turn up the cheer with iheartradio on the Roku Channel. Happy streaming.

[Nick Swardson]

Take a deep dive into the stories making the news headlines across the world. The Newsagents we're not just here to tell you what's happening, but. But why? From me, Emily Maitlis and me, John Sopel with Global's award winning podcast the Newsagents Dropping daily covering everything you need to know about politics and current affairs and the Newsagents usa.

[Chelsea Handler]

They're eating the dogs. The people that came in listen to.

[Nick Swardson]

The NewsAgents on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen to podcasts.

[Sebastian Maniscalco]

Deciding on what to listen to is hard. Using Zumo to stream music from iHeart 90s radio is easy. Or play iHeart country or hip pop beats your choice. All for free. Stream Easy with Zumo Play. Get live and on demand entertainment with no logins, no signups, no accounts, no hassle. This December, get cozy on the couch with Charlie's Angels starring Drew Barrymore, Lucy Liu, Cameron Diaz and Looper starring Bruce Willis and Emily Blunt. All streaming free on Zumo Play. Go to play.zumo.com now. Life is hard. Zumo is easy.