StraightioLab Book Club: Murder on Sex Island w/ Jo Firestone RE-RELEASE

Summary

StraightioLab Book Club: Murder on Sex Island w/ Jo Firestone (RE-RELEASE)

Podcast: StraightioLab
Hosts: George Civeris & Sam Taggart
Guest: Jo Firestone
Date: December 30, 2025
Episode: Book Club: Murder on Sex Island

Episode Overview

This special book club episode reunites George and Sam with comedian and writer Jo Firestone to discuss her debut mystery novel, Murder on Sex Island. With their trademark blend of irony, intellect, and absurdist riffing, the trio dives into Jo’s process, the “autofiction or not” aspect of the book, and the comic trials of creating art, being professionally “normal,” and surviving the treacherous world of self-publishing. What begins as a discussion of a murder-mystery set on a Love Island-type reality show transforms into a hilarious, meta-examination of self-doubt, creative process, and the existential perils of being funny for a living.

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Main Topics and Discussion Points

1. Jo’s Reputation, Professional "Normalcy," and the Gift Dynamic

• Jo jokes about always prepping and giving gifts, while Sam describes his awkwardness at receiving them.
• George analyzes Sam’s social anxiety vs. adherence to norms, and Jo confides her attempt to "act normal" with limited success.
• Quote:
  • Sam: “The stress outweighs the gift’s value.” (04:21)
  • George: “The fear is what makes you act correctly.” (04:39)
• Jo shares a story about an evening out, where her attempt to be normal devolves into imagining being flipped onto a cactus and peeing herself, establishing the tone for the episode’s blend of the mundane and the bizarre.
  • [06:54] Sam: “Can we just be normal tonight? …then Joe sees a cactus and goes, what would happen if I flipped upside down and got stuck on this cactus? She says, and then I start peeing on myself…”

2. Book “Autofiction” — Is Louella Jo?

• The hosts continually needle Jo about whether the protagonist, Louella, is based on her (“It’s not an autobiography…It’s fiction!”), teasing out the line between fiction and memoir, mousy women, and the impossibility of true objectivity in writing.
• They reference the recurring motif of “cacti” in Jo’s life and book.
• Quote:
  • Jo: “I am not the same as the character! It’s not autobiography.” (18:52)
  • George: “You wrote it.” (19:08)
• Lots of gentle gaslighting and riffing as Jo resists their attempts to conflate her and her character.

3. School, Bullying, and Personality Archetypes

• The trio swap stories about switching schools, being bullied or mousy, and the various survival tactics of being outsiders.
• Discussion of “charisma” and the invisible social capital Sam possesses, as well as George’s approachability.
• Quote:
  • George: “Sam has a charisma that stays with people. …They will keep asking you, how is Sam, forever?” (24:30)
• Jo: “I’ve never commanded respect in my life.” (38:49)
• (Riff on Jo’s physicality: “Back for days. Firestone!” [13:33])

4. Jo’s Writing Process and Self-Publishing Ordeal

• Why write a book? (“Basically what happened is I didn’t have any work… I don’t really like going outside at night anymore.” [20:55])
• Shares how she self-published the novel, ordering an early batch that came out “really big” (“the size of a calendar” [46:57]).
• The editing process—facing plot holes, going through multiple drafts, and the absurdities of self-promotion (“I keep going into bookstores, being like, I wonder if my book is here. It’s not. Then I had to walk out. Real humble.” [60:02]).
• Riffs on choosing the mystery genre, struggles with writing sex scenes, and the irony of the book’s title being “Murder on Sex Island” but being “pretty light on the sex.” [45:13]
• Quote:
  • Sam: “You’d be surprised how little sex there is.” (45:17)
  • Jo: “It’s so hard to be like, he put his sausage in there or whatever.” (45:18)

5. Absurd Workplace Dynamics & “Pre-com” Communication

• Behind-the-scenes on working together, notably the After Midnight writer’s room that Jo led (as “head writer”) where professional conduct and surreal interpersonal misreadings collided.
• Jo’s invented “pre-com” term for Sam’s signature micro-complaint face (“pre-com meaning pre-complaint, not what you think!” [66:09]).
• Recurring bits about offering drinks, holding cups with two hands, and failed attempts to appear “professional.”
  • Quote:
    • Jo: “…I would be like, hey everybody, who needs milk? Who needs water? And everyone would be like…” (50:39)

6. Suck or Fuck: Bits, Stand-up, and Meta-Jokes

• Jo discusses stepping back from stand-up, but relents for George’s show—delivering a “Suck or Fuck” segment that delights and confounds.
• The hosts debate the nature of bits vs. “real” comedy, riff on wordplay (“wet wrap vs dry wrap”), callback structures, and their own “improv trap” of self-referentiality.
  • Quote:
    • George: “This book is what? Non-penetrative.” (69:52)
    • Jo: “But there’s also no sucking.” (69:55)

7. Themes: Feminism, Satire, and Anti-Fame

• They prod Jo about the “feminist” aspect: “Pretty much spoiler alert, there’s like a group of killers. Why?” (63:12)
• Discussion of how the novel intentionally plays with the trope of poison as a “feminine” weapon and critiques systemic sexism.
  • Quote:
    • George: “The men take advantage of, like, systemic sexism by basically using poison, knowing the police … will think it was a woman.” (84:00)
• Talk about satire, whether the story was inspired by Jo’s experience in entertainment, and the “anti-fame” throughline of the book.
• Teasing Jo about the connections between eroticism and violence in the book (“Were you scared writing it?” [108:52])

8. Jo’s Influences and Recommendations

• Jo’s favorite books:
  • The Friend by Sigrid Nunez
  • The Appeal by Janice Hallett
  • The Secret History by Donna Tartt [104:31]
• George interjects with literary trivia and admiration. [105:49]

9. Notable Memes, Callbacks, and Running Gags

• Babies knowing Jo’s partner as “Toe Tec”—“babies often know him as Totec” (40:58), speculating on past lives and the uncanny.
• Multiple callbacks on “big back,” “micro/macro” trends, “people love to go like this” (holding things with both hands), and “veiny tube” as euphemism for penis.
• Riffs on the Gilded Age, meme culture, and their own recursive attempts to end the show with a “button.”
• Closing with a discussion of “long boobs” as an improv “callback”—which…isn’t really a callback. (“What is the long boobs calling back to?” [114:23])

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Notable Quotes and Moments (with Timestamps)

• On Social Anxiety and Gifts:

  • George: “I could see Sam being more nervous about how to respond to a gift than he is happy about receiving it.” [04:10]

• On Self-Publishing Woes:

  • Jo: “It was like the size of a calendar.” [46:57]
  • George: “You’re climbing the stairs—meanwhile, you’re surfing on the book.” [47:07]

• On Sex in the Mystery Novel:

  • Jo: “Unfortunately, there is no intercourse.” [45:11]
  • Sam: “For a book called Murder on Sex Island it’s actually pretty light on the sex.” [45:13]

• On Workplace Communication:

  • Jo: “Basically…if I’m like, hey does everybody want a present? Or…coffee? I can tell when Sam goes like (inhale)—that is a stage of pre-com.”
  • Sam: “But you must understand…people are like, Joe, that is crazy.” [66:19]

• On Writing Process & Editing:

  • Jo: “Then eventually it became a published book. But then they were like, you have a lot of plot holes. So then I had to revise the book and write it again. So I’ve written this book, I think, 19 times.” [47:29]

• On Charisma and Approval:

  • George: “If you introduce someone to Sam, they will keep asking you, how is Sam, forever.” [24:30]

• On Improv and Callbacks:

  • Jo: “I try to do cowlbacks like you will.”
  • Sam/George: “Callbacks!”
  • Jo: “No, cowlbacks.” [113:59]

• On Not Being Able to End the Episode:

  • Sam: “But it’s hard to wrap it up. I’m struggling to find an end point.”
  • Jo: “Okay, I’ll give you an end point…”
  • (Proceeds to immediately start a new tangent about hormonal birth control and “long boobs.”) [109:43 – 112:46]

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Key Timestamps

| Timestamp | Segment | Key Moments | |-----------|------------------------------------------------|-------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 03:38 | Cold Open/Introductions | Gift-giving, “normal” behavior, dynamic among hosts & Jo | | 06:54 | Dinner Story/Cactus Bit | Jo’s failed “normal” attempt | | 13:33 | “Back for Days” | Nicknaming, playful body shaming, comic rapport | | 20:55 | Why Write This Book? | Jo’s origin story, not going outside at night, transition from standup | | 30:12 | Jo’s Formative Years/Mousey Women | Mousey archetype, resisting autobiography label | | 46:30 | Self-Publishing & Editing | Calendar-sized book, endless revisions, humility in bookstores | | 66:09 | “Pre-com” and Office Communication | Workplace language and miscommunication | | 69:01 | “Suck or Fuck” Stand-Up Bit | Bit description, wordplay riffing, satire of comedy tropes | | 84:00 | Feminist Twist in Book | Antifreeze, murder, leveraging sexism | | 104:31 | Jo’s Favorite Books | Recommendations and literary preferences | | 112:46 | “Long Boobs” Callback Attempt | Meta-comedy, failed callback | | 116:44 | Episode Wrap-up | True affection between the hosts and guest, attempts at closure |

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Final Takeaways

• Creative Process: Jo’s journey with Murder on Sex Island illustrates creative tenacity, humility, and the comedy inherent in trying something new, failing, editing, and persisting.
• Friendship & Comedy: The chemistry between George, Sam, and Jo is characterized by relentless bit escalation, affectionate roasting, and digging beneath the comedic personas for flashes of vulnerability.
• On Being Perceived: There is a running subtext about social persona versus internal identity—“mousiness,” professionalism, charisma, the longing for approval, and the fear of exposure or “being found out” as a fraud.
• Book Details: Despite the tangents, they do discuss book content and themes: a feminist twist on a reality TV satire, the struggle to write sex scenes, and the realities of self-publishing.
• Signature Absurdity: The show’s blend of intellectual satire and downright silliness—“people love to go like this,” “the veiny tube,” “cowlbacks,” calendar-sized books—set this episode apart as quintessential StraightioLab.

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Memorable Moments & One-liners

• “Babies often know him as Totec.” (40:58)
• Jo: “I just wish I could watch improv.” (114:49)
• “People love to go like this.” (50:05)
• “Your book is non-penetrative.” (69:52)
• “I am nearly 40 and I never have spent an hour and a half like this.” (106:50)
• “If I had to decide between suck and fuck, I would choose fuck for this book, which is better.” (74:08)

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Conclusion

This episode of StraightioLab Book Club is less a straightforward literary interview and more a riotous, tangle of bits, loving ribbing, and genuine insight into the creative process and the contradictions of being a “funny person” in real life. Jo Firestone’s Murder on Sex Island is at the center, but the true subject is the messiness of friendship, work, and the compulsion to make everything—especially one’s own failures—funny.

Transcript

[Joe Firestone]

This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.

[Sam Taggart]

Everybody knows Shaq, but off camera, he's.

[George Severis]

Just a regular guy.

[Shaquille O'Neal]

People never believe me when I say I'm just like them. I take out the trash, do dishes, and I struggle with moderate obstructive sleep apnea, or osa. And a lot of adults with obesity also struggle with moderate to severe osa. You know those scary breathing interruptions during sleep, the loud snoring, choking and daytime fatigue. I knew I had to talk to my doctor. Don't sleep on the symptoms. Learn more@don'tsleeponosa.com this information is provided by.

[Sam Taggart]

Lily, a medicine company.

[Joe Firestone]

Yes, it's me again. We prepped. For you. You gotta think about sexual no matter what, when, when, or with who. Yeah, yeah. To all you lovers out there, ain't no judgment. This is your cue. Guess who. Guess who's better. It's time to talk about pre special prophylaxis, a part of HIV prevention. Talk to a healthcare provider and visit carefortheculture.com to learn more.

[IBM AI Representative]

So let me get this straight. Your company has data here, there and everywhere, but your AI can't use the data because it's here, there and everywhere? Seems like something's missing. Every business has unique data. IBM helps your AI access your data wherever it lives. To change how you do business, let's create smarter business IBM.

[George Severis]

Hey, Ryan Reynolds here wishing you a very happy half off holiday because right now Mint Mobile is offering you the gift of 50% off unlimited. To be clear, that's half price, not half the service. Mint is still premium unlimited wireless for a great price. So that means a half day, you know. Give it a [e-mail] Switch upfront payment.

[Joe Firestone]

Of $45 for three month plan equivalent to $15 per month required new customer offer for first three months only. Speed Slow Hacker 35 gigabytes of networks busy taxes and fees extra. See Mint Mobile doc.

[George Severis]

Happy holidays everyone. We are re releasing our most popular episode of 2025 today to close out the year. This is our book club episode with our friend Jo Firestone where we discuss her book Murder on Sex island, which you can still purchase wherever books are sold. We will be back with new episodes January 13th and in the meantime, you can find tickets to our two San Francisco shows on January 22nd and 23rd at linktree.com stratiolab or on the SF Sketchfest website. And you can also see me George do standup in London on February 23 at the Soho Theatre. And tickets to that are in my Instagram bio and on the Soho Theatre website. So that's it for now. Enjoy the episode and we'll see you soon. Okay, Joe, start the podcast. Did you come prepared or not?

[Joe Firestone]

No, listen, listen, listen. I.

[George Severis]

We're doing this as a favor too.

[Joe Firestone]

And I know that. Okay, I'm gonna send you something after. Okay, don't do that.

[George Severis]

Do you want us to dub?

[Joe Firestone]

I know exactly what I'm getting for both of you.

[Sam Taggart]

Don't do that, Joe. Sam, like, you're getting too many gifts for people.

[George Severis]

Okay, Sam, I've never gotten a gift.

[Joe Firestone]

I've given Sam 18 gifts, and each one he's like, thanks.

[Sam Taggart]

Sometimes I'm like, you don't need to give me a gift. You know what I mean?

[George Severis]

I do think. Sam, if I may.

[Sam Taggart]

Please.

[George Severis]

I could see Sam being more nervous about how to respond to a gift than he is happy about receiving it. Even if it's like the dream gift.

[Sam Taggart]

The stress outweighs the gift's value. I will say you have a. I.

[George Severis]

Think it's funny because in fact, you follow social norms perfectly. And no one is ever like, wow, thank you. No one's ever like, sam was rude. Sam didn't do so. Something correctly. And yet you have the fear of someone who does has never actually heard of a social norm.

[Sam Taggart]

Well, the fear is what makes you act correctly.

[George Severis]

That's true.

[Sam Taggart]

If you don't have fear, you're gonna act out.

[Joe Firestone]

Well, Sam told me a very important story about his formative years.

[George Severis]

What is it?

[Sam Taggart]

Wait, what was that?

[Joe Firestone]

Oh, nothing.

[Sam Taggart]

Just remind me.

[Joe Firestone]

It's just about your formative years.

[Sam Taggart]

Tell me about my formative years. Remind me.

[George Severis]

Yeah, tell us, Joe.

[Joe Firestone]

Okay, so basically, Sam was young once and.

[Sam Taggart]

Drag me.

[George Severis]

Okay, not anymore, old ass.

[Sam Taggart]

Damn. Got me, Sam.

[Joe Firestone]

Whatever. I'm still 20 years older than you.

[George Severis]

Okay, so 70th birthday. You look amazing.

[Sam Taggart]

You look amazing.

[Joe Firestone]

I swear, every time I say, hey, Sam, how old are you? He goes, 26. And I'm like, that's crazy. I just turned 40. And it just.

[Sam Taggart]

I don't say that, Joe. I don't say that. That's not my age.

[Joe Firestone]

You stay 26.

[Sam Taggart]

Thank you. I do feel emotionally 26.

[Joe Firestone]

Yeah, that's where you stay.

[George Severis]

Well, we were saying, Sam and I are currently on tour together doing stand up comedy and not podcasting for anyone wondering.

[Joe Firestone]

Good.

[George Severis]

And which, by the way, I actually want to come back to this because Sam said you told him. Comedy's over.

[Sam Taggart]

Joe, we brought you in here to sort of pretend we were going to.

[Joe Firestone]

Talk about your book.

[Sam Taggart]

I'm here to expose you.

[Joe Firestone]

Sam. I don't understand. I really was trying. I was trying all week. I was like, I'm going to be normal today.

[George Severis]

You told Sam.

[Joe Firestone]

I know, I know.

[Sam Taggart]

I have a text message that says I'm not going to be normal on Friday.

[Joe Firestone]

But I tried to be normal.

[George Severis]

Well, how do you. It hadn't started yet. How did you try?

[Joe Firestone]

Because I was kind of like, be normal, be normal. Because sometimes Sam and I. Sometimes. Basically what happens? Basically it started off normal. Just like you and me. Yeah, I'd say we're normal. And then basically what happens? Something. Over the course of the last two years. Something.

[George Severis]

Oh, oh, you mean like I thought you were saying you and me are normal currently. And I'm like, well, we're actually doing bits. But you mean like generally as friends?

[Joe Firestone]

Yeah, physically.

[George Severis]

Generally speaking, we are normal? Yeah, yeah.

[Joe Firestone]

Sam and I. I don't know what happened, but over the last two years something shifted permanently. Where if we are going to interact normal, we have to say it.

[Sam Taggart]

This is so one sided. I feel so normal all the time. I would say Joe, for example, Joe and I went out to a gorgeous dinner with a dear friend and Joe kept saying, let's be normal tonight. Can we just be normal tonight? And I said 100%, let's be normal. We're walking back and Joe sees a cactus and goes, what would happen if I flipped upside down and got stuck on this cactus? She says, and then I start peeing on myself. And then I'm peeing and I'm on this cactus. Then what happens? And I'm like, okay, I'm laughing. Joe, that's a crazy thing to say.

[Joe Firestone]

No.

[George Severis]

Okay, just a few things off the bat. First of all, cacti seem to be a real theme with you because I noticed there was in fact a cactus. Cactus centric injury in this very book that you are here to promote. Murderers.

[Joe Firestone]

So much for bringing it to the promotion. Yes.

[George Severis]

Do you think you. You said that disgusting thing about the cactus to Sam in order to sort of incept him into inviting you to be a guest on our podcast, George, on our inaugural Straighter Lab book club?

[Joe Firestone]

George, I'm not. Look, I said please do Maggie Smith and you guys didn't listen to me.

[George Severis]

Does she have a book out?

[Sam Taggart]

Is she for that to be your.

[George Severis]

Go to go to book themed guests?

[Sam Taggart]

Wait, Joe, this is crazy because at our show in Chicago I brought up Maggie Smith on stage.

[George Severis]

That's true.

[Sam Taggart]

Like completely randomly we got Maggie Smith on the brain.

[George Severis]

So. Because so.

[Joe Firestone]

And we had the same dream once.

[George Severis]

That is insane. First of all. Second of all. Okay, second of all, to close the loop On Sam being 26, what I.

[Joe Firestone]

Was gonna say is that you're 27.

[George Severis]

I'm 27.

[Joe Firestone]

No dragon.

[George Severis]

No. I'm perpetually 55, and Sam is perpetually 26. And yet Sam is actually more mature and responsible than me.

[Joe Firestone]

Really?

[George Severis]

Yes.

[Sam Taggart]

We meet in the middle.

[George Severis]

We meet in the middle. But Sam, a through line in Sam's current material. Current half hour for anyone out there listening who's producing comedy specials. Is that. It's about his inner child.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[Joe Firestone]

And are you doing any jokes that end with the bang bang with the bang bang?

[George Severis]

Comedy Bang Bang is a different podcast. This is Stradio Lab. We're owned by Will Ferrells big money players, exclusive deal with iHeart. And we are so thrilled to have you on for our inaugural book club podcast.

[Sam Taggart]

Starts now.

[George Severis]

Welcome Maggie Smith.

[Sam Taggart]

Author of Murder on Sex Island. What's the bang bang?

[Joe Firestone]

You know you do this thing where you do the bang bang with your foot.

[George Severis]

Me?

[Joe Firestone]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

You mean that? That one show when I stomped really loud?

[Joe Firestone]

Yeah, that was funny.

[Sam Taggart]

That was funny. But I didn't know it was gonna bang bang. I was wearing boots that I don't normally wear on stage.

[Joe Firestone]

Okay, so you don't do that again.

[George Severis]

That was less of a part of his material and more something he did.

[Sam Taggart]

Once I stomped on the stage and it was so loud and I went, ah. And I was scared cause it was so loud. And everyone else acted crazy. Cause it was really loud.

[Joe Firestone]

It was pretty loud.

[Sam Taggart]

Don't wear boots on stage.

[Joe Firestone]

Don't wear boots on stage. Keep the boots in, Joe.

[Sam Taggart]

You were talking about my formative years. Yeah.

[George Severis]

What's the tea?

[Joe Firestone]

Oh. So basically I found out that Sam had to switch schools a lot.

[George Severis]

I do know that.

[Joe Firestone]

And Sam stayed cool.

[George Severis]

That's not true.

[Joe Firestone]

No, no. Sam stayed cool at.

[George Severis]

I know more than you do. And that's true.

[Sam Taggart]

Every school George is thinking of. When I moved to Southern Virginia, I was bullied for at the beginning, but then I did eventually end cool there. So I don't know if that. I think you're both right.

[George Severis]

Sam was bullied by Jeremy O. Harris. Did you know that? No.

[Sam Taggart]

You didn't know that?

[Joe Firestone]

Oh, that's wonderful.

[George Severis]

That's why Jeremy is famous. Sam and Jeremy went to high school together. Jeremy bullied Sam because he was gay. I'm not making any of this up. And then Jeremy came on this very podcast and talked about it in the thick of COVID Whoa.

[Sam Taggart]

On zoom.

[George Severis]

On zoom.

[Joe Firestone]

Wow. Did Jeremy apologize? Yes.

[Sam Taggart]

That was very sweet.

[George Severis]

He did.

[Joe Firestone]

Whoa.

[George Severis]

It was actually really lovely.

[Sam Taggart]

It was lovely.

[Joe Firestone]

How many times do you get that experience? Were you bullied?

[George Severis]

No. You know, I wasn't bullied, but I also wasn't popular.

[Joe Firestone]

I don't believe it. I don't believe it.

[George Severis]

I. I would say, okay, when I was in New Jersey, I was rising in the ranks.

[Joe Firestone]

Oh, yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

Huge.

[George Severis]

And I was like, if I see her one more year, it. I'm. I would never be popular with the boys, but I could find a way to be like the one gay guy that the girls confide in. I. I needed one more year. And then my family moved back to Greece. And then it was. And then it was over. And then. Not just that. Then I moved schools in Greece. I moved schools again. So it was like two schools. Suddenly I'm joining to join a high school in 10th grade. You're not going to catch up?

[Joe Firestone]

No. Unless you're.

[George Severis]

And to be.

[Sam Taggart]

That's what I did.

[George Severis]

Yeah. But imagine also being from a different country.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay. Some would say the Midwest is a different country than Southern Virginia, but some people would get. If they would go from the Midwest to Southern Virginia and go. I feel like I'm in a different country. This place is so different.

[George Severis]

What was the biggest culture shock?

[Sam Taggart]

The accents.

[George Severis]

Anything else?

[Sam Taggart]

No, nothing else. Pretty much.

[George Severis]

Okay. I rest my case.

[Sam Taggart]

Joe, have you ever experienced bullying?

[Joe Firestone]

Yeah. Yeah, I have.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay.

[George Severis]

And tell us more.

[Sam Taggart]

Tell us about that.

[Joe Firestone]

Okay, so starting from when I was very young. Okay. I was. As a child, I was probably 2ft tall until I turned.

[George Severis]

We were all at 1.2ft tall.

[Sam Taggart]

That's true.

[Joe Firestone]

But puberty really got me to the 3ft to 4ft.

[George Severis]

Oh, really? Okay.

[Joe Firestone]

I was always very like. I remember sometimes climbing up the stairs with my hands.

[George Severis]

You were rock climbing?

[Sam Taggart]

What do you mean?

[George Severis]

You short enough that you were shorter than a single stair and you had to pull yourself up with two arms.

[Sam Taggart]

As though you have such strong back muscles.

[Joe Firestone]

Oh, please, leave my back out of it. I hate when he mentions this.

[George Severis]

Sam is always body shaming you because of your back.

[Joe Firestone]

Oh, you got such a strong back.

[George Severis]

Such a weird Here comes back lady Back.

[Sam Taggart]

She's got back for days.

[Joe Firestone]

No.

[George Severis]

Joe, Back for days. Fire stone.

[Joe Firestone]

That can't be my nickname. You know, it's just. Yeah, I just have, you know, and you know, in college, I was the girl with the Ronald McDonald hair, like bright red. Yeah.

[George Severis]

Is this her natural hair color? No.

[Sam Taggart]

Was it a play on girl with the dragon tattoo. Oh, oh, was that popular at the time?

[Joe Firestone]

No, I think this must have been in 1982 or so. But so then, so then. Oh, you know what, Sam and George.

[George Severis]

Yeah.

[Joe Firestone]

I just got my hair colored.

[Sam Taggart]

Well, it looks amazing.

[George Severis]

First of all, it looks amazing, but to me, having curly red hair. Julia Roberts.

[Joe Firestone]

Well, that wasn't what people thought in the 80s.

[George Severis]

It was when you were in high school. Okay, so that wasn't what people thought. So we're talking bright red hair. I guess I don't think of you as a redhead.

[Joe Firestone]

Well, I tried to do bright red for a bit, but then I went to go get my hair dyed recently and she was like, what happened to you the last two years?

[George Severis]

What did she mean?

[Joe Firestone]

She. Something was wrong with my. Oh, I hair.

[Sam Taggart]

What was, what did she say was wrong?

[Joe Firestone]

She's like, it looks crazy back.

[George Severis]

And what, and what do you. What kind of hairstyle are we talking about? Like, what was she referring to? Do you know? I mean, you just took the insult.

[Joe Firestone]

The back was. The back was what it was.

[George Severis]

No, totally. Was it like flattened in the back? Was it. No cut, weirdly no color?

[Joe Firestone]

No.

[George Severis]

She just didn't like the back of your head? No.

[Joe Firestone]

Well, something was going on, but I wasn't able to see it.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, hey, that's the worst part. You can't see it.

[Joe Firestone]

Oh, no. It's for the best.

[Sam Taggart]

Well, Joe, I want to say, as someone who's seen you a lot over the last few years, I never noticed about your hair being weird.

[George Severis]

Yeah. You know why? It's because she's never turned around.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh. Because she's self conscious of her big back.

[George Severis]

No one has ever seen her big back or the back of her hair, which looks terrible.

[Sam Taggart]

She walks along the wall. She walks along back to the wall.

[George Severis]

It's like, oh, wait a minute, you're right. I haven't seen her back ever.

[Joe Firestone]

Well, sometimes, you know what I mean? If, if, you know, you know, when I was, when I was younger and I would, I would urinate myself, you know, that would. Of course, those were times.

[George Severis]

Oh, you don't still do that Sometimes. Sometimes I'll say, oh, it's pee yourself Friday. Why not?

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, literally. Live a little. Live a little.

[George Severis]

Do a little micro bed wedding.

[Sam Taggart]

Just a little.

[George Severis]

Just a little drip.

[Joe Firestone]

Micro bed wedding, micro needling. It's all there.

[George Severis]

Everything's micro these days.

[Sam Taggart]

Whatever happened in normal size.

[George Severis]

Whatever happened in more normal sized stuff.

[Joe Firestone]

I think you might guys might want. Hold on. I think, I think you guys might want to put this stuff in your. Stand up.

[Sam Taggart]

The micro thing.

[George Severis]

Yeah, yeah, like that. Everything is micro these days. Write that down.

[Sam Taggart]

Write that down. Microplastics.

[Joe Firestone]

Oh, that's true.

[George Severis]

It actually is true that everything is micro. Wait, great idea. Sorry. Microwave.

[Sam Taggart]

Microwave mic.

[George Severis]

Sorry. Don't talk to me or my microwave ever again.

[Joe Firestone]

I'm saying microwave, microwave, microwave.

[Sam Taggart]

Well, that makes sense.

[George Severis]

That definitely makes sense. Although I would say the heyday of microwaves is in the past.

[Joe Firestone]

I just used one last night.

[Sam Taggart]

What'd you cook?

[Joe Firestone]

Chicken nuggets. Fake.

[Sam Taggart]

Fake.

[George Severis]

Well, of course, I wouldn't expect them to be real if they're microwavable, but I feel like microwaves are not, like, at the top of the cultural conversation. You know, it is like an instant pot. Like, that is the. That is the microwave of now. Of the 21st century.

[Joe Firestone]

Yeah, yeah.

[George Severis]

But I do think you're on to something with everything being micro. And there's something about micro that is.

[Joe Firestone]

I didn't. You did.

[George Severis]

And a great point that you said, which is that everything is micro. And here's why. Because I think micro is both more threatening and it's less threatening because it's smaller, but it's more threatening because it's like. Is it in my pores? Like, is it. It can get any. Like, micro. Microplastics.

[Sam Taggart]

Well, it allows people to have anxiety in a different way.

[George Severis]

Yes, exactly.

[Sam Taggart]

Because you don't have to prove it. You can just be like, I'm filled with micro stuff.

[Joe Firestone]

Yeah, because, you know, a lot of people say, you know, there's. That, like, there's two kinds of people in this world. People that are afraid of big stuff, people that are afraid of little stuff.

[George Severis]

Which one are you? Which one are you?

[Joe Firestone]

Little tits. Ticks mice.

[George Severis]

Oh, I thought you said tits. Like you're afraid of little tits.

[Joe Firestone]

George, please.

[George Severis]

Do you have a phobia?

[Joe Firestone]

George got a Big Mac. I'm afraid of little tits. No.

[George Severis]

So when a big, tall Runway model walks into the room, you say, ah.

[Sam Taggart]

Jo, I have a question relating to hair. So you. What color is it right now?

[George Severis]

Auburn.

[Sam Taggart]

I'm color deficient. As many people know, as George learned recently.

[Joe Firestone]

Right. I did know this, too. Brown, brown, brown.

[Sam Taggart]

Probably because, you know, in the book, your character Louella, she puts on a blonde wig and feels more powerful. Do you feel more powerful when you wear blonde?

[Joe Firestone]

I am not the same as the character. It's not autobiography.

[Sam Taggart]

This pretty much happened to you. Let's be honest.

[George Severis]

No, no, this is a true story.

[Sam Taggart]

No, this is a true story.

[George Severis]

Your book, Murder on Sex island is based on your life.

[Joe Firestone]

No, I have no connection to this.

[George Severis]

Well, you wrote it.

[Joe Firestone]

Well, yes.

[George Severis]

No, Maggie Smith, you don't have no connection to it. To claim you have no connection to it is a flat out lie. So.

[Joe Firestone]

Book club, Schmuck club. Okay.

[Sam Taggart]

Wow. No.

[Joe Firestone]

So what. What are we doing here? Do you think that it's. Do you think that this is what Reese did?

[George Severis]

Witherspoon. We are already talking circles around Reese with. Do you know what Reese Witherspoon does? She. She tells Chat. Chatgpt to explain the book in one paragraph. She reads that paragraph, and then she does an Instagram reel where someone else writes her line, and she goes, y', all, when I read this book, I said, this is my favorite book. And then the next week she does that with a different book. And then she options all of them. None of them ever get made, but she makes $1 billion a week from it. You know how much we're making during this episode? Negative $300.

[Joe Firestone]

Oh, that's tricky.

[Sam Taggart]

Yes, because it's really tricky.

[Joe Firestone]

That is tricky. I wonder if there's a way to raise funds.

[George Severis]

And that's. This is a benefit show.

[Sam Taggart]

Fall in. Now. Donate, donate, donate.

[George Severis]

But we do want to talk about the book, right, Sam?

[Joe Firestone]

Cause it's book club.

[Sam Taggart]

Because it's book club.

[George Severis]

And many people have been asking, you know, you've had authors, to be honest, award winning authors on the podcast before. Like, what's different about this one? The difference is we can talk about spoilers if we want, because it's a book club and people. And we encourage people to read it ahead of time. So if we're having, like, Jonathan Franzen on, just like, as a normal guest, his stray topic is birding. You know, we're not gonna, like, spoil the corrections.

[Joe Firestone]

Yeah.

[George Severis]

But with this one, we can talk about whatever we want.

[Sam Taggart]

We can talk about essentially whatever we want.

[Joe Firestone]

Interesting.

[Sam Taggart]

So, Joe, you're a star of stage and screen. What led you to writing a book?

[George Severis]

Yeah, same question for me.

[Joe Firestone]

Okay. Basically what happened is I didn't have any work. Okay. And I was like, I can't. I don't really like going outside at night anymore.

[George Severis]

Yes.

[Joe Firestone]

You know that change in a woman's life.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah. Not in the 70s.

[George Severis]

Meaning, like you're. We're aging her more and more with every sentence. Meaning you didn't want to do stand up.

[Joe Firestone]

Yeah.

[George Severis]

Oh, can I actually ask one parenthetical question?

[Joe Firestone]

Yeah. Parent to parent.

[George Severis]

Parent to parent. Level with me.

[Joe Firestone]

Yes, mama.

[George Severis]

Is it hard being a mom?

[Joe Firestone]

Yes.

[George Severis]

No. I Guess my question is, like, can.

[Joe Firestone]

I tell you something? Speaking. I mean, I'm not a mom, but. And Sam.

[George Severis]

Not anymore.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh.

[Joe Firestone]

You know, I mean, it. He's in a better place.

[Sam Taggart]

Yes.

[Joe Firestone]

Okay.

[George Severis]

Arkansas.

[Joe Firestone]

Yeah. Okay. So he. So basically, I took my dog to the same trainer as Sam.

[George Severis]

Huh.

[Joe Firestone]

Okay.

[Sam Taggart]

Yes. So Joe and I both have problem dogs, but of different styles.

[George Severis]

Yeah. And what happened?

[Joe Firestone]

Sam and Misha had this effect on this dog trainer. He loved them.

[George Severis]

That'll happen.

[Joe Firestone]

He kissed them on the cheeks.

[George Severis]

Yeah.

[Joe Firestone]

He would say how much he really enjoyed them and would do anything for them. I referred Sam to this dog trainer.

[George Severis]

Yeah, that can be tough.

[Joe Firestone]

And this dog trainer never once wanted to hug me.

[Sam Taggart]

The moment he walked into our door, he said, let's hug. Let's hug. Of course, it's under the guise of. Just to see how the dog reacts. But he held that hug, and then he's, you know, we're talking. He sees the pool, he goes, oh, you ever go skinny dipping? I go, well, well, we might have to, you know, he's sort of. He's saying, oh, well, what do you like to drink? Like, we should all hang out sometime.

[George Severis]

Is he gay?

[Sam Taggart]

And you think so? The whole time, I'm like, we are literally about to have a threesome with the dog trainer. And then at the end, he's like, and you have to meet my wife. And I was like, oh, interesting. I guess they do things a little bit different in Los Angeles. California.

[George Severis]

Yeah. Yeah. In that no one actually ever has sex, from what I understand.

[Joe Firestone]

My kind of town.

[Sam Taggart]

And Joe. Joe this. I was like, oh, he must have been super, super nice to you as well, and, like, really charming and sort of making all these jokes and wanting to hang out. And Joe, that wasn't your experience, you know?

[Joe Firestone]

That wasn't my experience. I had literally.

[George Severis]

You really set her up for that one.

[Joe Firestone]

He literally had wanted nothing to do with me. I would text. He would wait 24 hours to text back.

[George Severis]

Yeah.

[Joe Firestone]

I swear, it was the effect that. I don't think you probably have this. But walking on the earth with Sam, it's just like the people are throwing themselves at him.

[George Severis]

Yeah. It's crazy.

[Joe Firestone]

They say, touch my butt. Touch my butt. Get me. Get me.

[George Severis]

No, they're bending over, they're saying, please fuck me.

[Joe Firestone]

And Sam's like, all right. And it's crazy because I'm saying, please, Can I fucking please?

[George Severis]

Please? No, that's your catchphrase.

[Joe Firestone]

Begging to fuck or whatever.

[George Severis]

Yeah. No, you guys.

[Joe Firestone]

And they say, get away from me, you shrew.

[George Severis]

Yes. Well, it's interesting, you know, I see both of you walking around, and this might have to do with your not acting normal, so to speak, because the two of you are a funny pair. You know, Sam is just looking straight ahead as people are, like, whipping out cocks, butts, anything they can get their hands on. And Sam is just like, don't look, don't look. And then meanwhile, you're. You're screaming, who's gonna fuck me?

[Joe Firestone]

George, I wanna know where you are in this spectrum.

[George Severis]

Okay. I have to agree with you that Sam has a charisma that stays with people.

[Joe Firestone]

Yeah.

[George Severis]

And the best way I can describe it is if you introduce someone to Sam, they will keep asking you, how is Sam forever? So I will say, like, one example is my father in law. We introduced him to Sam once because Sam had a medical issue. And a medical issue that I would say is, like, not a sexy one.

[Sam Taggart]

I was internally bleeding.

[George Severis]

Yes. It was a gastroenterology issue.

[Joe Firestone]

Scary.

[George Severis]

So, you know, we're talking. I don't know what kind of photos were exchanged and nor is it my business to ask, but this man saw.

[Sam Taggart]

The inside of my asshole.

[George Severis]

This Sam saw Sam at his most vulnerable.

[Sam Taggart]

You would think deep in there, you.

[George Severis]

Would think he'd want to move on after that and not, like, keep checking in when I tell you. To this day, every time I see him, how sad Sam doing? He literally heard about after midnight not being on air anymore and proactively asked me without me telling him, like, so we're gonna move back to New York. Yes.

[Sam Taggart]

That is wild. To be fair, I had a really special bond with Matthew's dad. Yeah, there was really something there.

[Joe Firestone]

Wow.

[George Severis]

Yeah. So I do. I do agree with what you're saying.

[Joe Firestone]

But does this happen to you too?

[George Severis]

I would say Sam and I have different types enough that I've never felt. Not that I would ever feel competitive, but I've never felt like, oh, no. Like, that person is giving Sam or me more attention in a way that is noticeable.

[Sam Taggart]

And I think George has a more. There's something about George where he's the one that people go to, to, like, ask to be on the podcast. Like, people feel more comfortable talking with George and in a way that I'm, like, confused. Like, I'm like. I feel like I'm, like, presenting a smiley vibe.

[George Severis]

Definitely, you're more smiley vibe than I am.

[Sam Taggart]

And people are, like, not messaging me for anything.

[George Severis]

Here's what I think it is. I think, broadly speaking, if you were to see me and not Know me, I would maybe seem kind of bitchy and not super forthcoming, but if we're having a one on one conversation, I think I get more. I don't want to say I access a fake thing because I don't think it's fake, but I'm able to get into a small talk mindset, maybe one on one easier. And so then people immediately feel like we have a connection.

[Joe Firestone]

Yeah.

[George Severis]

How do you feel about that?

[Sam Taggart]

I think that makes sense. Yeah, I think that makes sense. But Joe, you. Everyone's obsessed with you.

[Joe Firestone]

No.

[Sam Taggart]

What's the deal with that beloved comedian in all of America, to be completely honest.

[Joe Firestone]

No.

[Sam Taggart]

And the thing is, you can't. You. You refuse to accept it and you.

[George Severis]

Refuse to do stand up comedy. To be honest.

[Joe Firestone]

I told you, I hit that stage in my woman's life.

[George Severis]

In my woman's life or whatever.

[Joe Firestone]

Okay, so then basically, basically, gosh, I'm so sweaty with this long sleeve shirt.

[George Severis]

Okay, so I called Joe out for having a long sleeve shirt, and I.

[Sam Taggart]

Was like, there's so much backstory on Joe's outfits that we cannot get into.

[Joe Firestone]

Okay, only 10 more presents to wrap. You're almost at the finish line, but first, There, the last one. Enjoy a Coca Cola for a pause that refreshes.

[George Severis]

Listen to your elders, honey. You might know them from their viral videos, but now the old Gays pull back the curtain on their podcast Silver Linings with the Old Gays, brought to you in partnership with iHeart's Ruby Studio and Veeve Healthcare. For a very special bonus episode, hosts Robert, Mick, Bill, and Gisei talk about how pride has evolved over the years and their favorite memories, all in celebration of Palm Springs Pride, because pride should be celebrated all year round. Listen in to these fabulous friends swap stories exploring how queer life has evolved over the decades and the silver linings they've collected along the way. Each episode dives into hot topics from safe sex and online dating to untangling Gen Z lingo, as well as insights on how music, art, and fashion show up in queer culture. So check out Silver Linings, a show about how pride ages like fine wine. Available on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Sam Taggart]

And now, Superhuman Shack.

[Shaquille O'Neal]

I keep telling them not to say that. I'm no superhuman. Believe it or not, I struggle with moderate obstructive sleep apnea, or osa in adults with obesity. Moderate to severe OSA is a condition where breathing is interrupted during sleep with loud snoring, choking, gasping for air, and even daytime fatigue. Let's Just say it can sound a lot like this. Sound familiar? Learn more@don'tsleeponosa.com this information is provided by.

[George Severis]

Lilly, a medicine company.

[IBM AI Representative]

So you're telling me that the AI that's meant to make everyone's job easier to manage just adds more to manage? On top of the thousands of apps the IT department already manages? Funny how that works. Any business can add AI. IBM helps you scale and manage AI to change how you do business. Create smile to business IBM.

[George Severis]

What do you know about Jo's formative years?

[Joe Firestone]

Yeah. What? What are you doing?

[Sam Taggart]

I just know that there was a point when she was so short that she had to crawl up the stairs with her.

[George Severis]

Yeah, I heard that too.

[Sam Taggart]

I read that she did say that.

[Joe Firestone]

And one time I.

[George Severis]

Is that also part of Louella's backstory?

[Joe Firestone]

No. One time I ordered shoes online, turned out they were baby shoes.

[George Severis]

That. Okay. And how old were you at the time?

[Joe Firestone]

I was 24.

[George Severis]

That's not a.

[Joe Firestone]

That did not happen stride. Right. Was like a cool brand, but then it turns out it's for babies. But on the picture, it looked like human shoes.

[George Severis]

Well, babies are humans. Oh, what, you think babies are second class citizens?

[Joe Firestone]

Oh, whatever. You're trying to get a gotcha me. Okay, so I'm not gonna get gotcha'd today.

[George Severis]

Can I call you Loella? No.

[Joe Firestone]

Okay, just because she's mousy doesn't mean there's. There could be multiple mousey women.

[George Severis]

That's true, but name one famous mousy woman.

[Joe Firestone]

Okay.

[Sam Taggart]

And don't say Maggie Smith.

[George Severis]

And don't say Maggie Smith. Don't you dare.

[Joe Firestone]

Okay, fine. Okay, fine. How about. Oh, I know. How about Zoe McIntosh?

[Sam Taggart]

Never heard of.

[George Severis]

Oh, you're making someone up.

[Joe Firestone]

I did make it up, but let.

[Sam Taggart]

Me think of another.

[Joe Firestone]

Let me think of another one. A real one. A real one?

[George Severis]

I thought you were going to say Zooey Deschanel. Who is that?

[Joe Firestone]

Sabrina Carpenter.

[George Severis]

Oh, that.

[Joe Firestone]

Is she mousy? She's little.

[Sam Taggart]

She's little. Is little the only defining factor of mousy?

[George Severis]

She's not mousy, but she's so little that she's actually enough like a mouse that you could say she's mousey, even though she's.

[Sam Taggart]

That's not what mouse is? What? Mousey. She's mouse like.

[Joe Firestone]

She's bouncing.

[George Severis]

She's mouse like. But I think a mousie. You know what mousie is? Is like Catwoman out of drag, where she's like, oh, like. Oh, God, like my glasses are crooked and I am photocopying wrong.

[Joe Firestone]

Yes.

[George Severis]

Yeah.

[Joe Firestone]

Love that. But yeah, I would say that. I would say that there's. She, the main character, is kind of incompetent and also mousy. And just because I'm also incompetent and mousey doesn't mean that we're the same person by any means.

[George Severis]

Well, first of all, I don't think you're incompetent because you did write a book that is a work of auto fiction. I want to say.

[Joe Firestone]

No.

[Sam Taggart]

So it's like, how. So Sex island is Love island. And.

[George Severis]

And.

[Sam Taggart]

And then you're the detective, so, like, that's.

[Joe Firestone]

No.

[George Severis]

This is a murder mystery based on your life.

[Joe Firestone]

No.

[George Severis]

And it's called Murder on Sex Island. So Sex island is clearly inspired by Love island, although there are major differences.

[Joe Firestone]

Like what? Name one.

[George Severis]

Okay, here's one.

[Joe Firestone]

Okay.

[George Severis]

They live in a big apart apartment complex. Is that what happens on Love Island?

[Joe Firestone]

No. They stay on the same beds.

[George Severis]

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. They sleep in the same. It's actually one of the few things about your book that is less disgusting than Love island is that I. Because on Love island, they sleep in truly. Like a communal room with communal beds.

[Joe Firestone]

Yes. But then in the Love island uk, some people get to sleep in single beds up above.

[George Severis]

I'm gonna be honest with you. I've watched exactly two episodes of Love Island.

[Sam Taggart]

Us, I watched even less.

[Joe Firestone]

Oh, interesting. Well, I've watched it almost. Yeah, well, we're different.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh. Much like your character. That's not you.

[George Severis]

That's really interesting.

[Joe Firestone]

I did not write an auto fiction book.

[George Severis]

So it was autobiography.

[Sam Taggart]

No. So do the contestants on the reality show represent your family members?

[Joe Firestone]

No. No. Okay. I don't.

[Sam Taggart]

Is this about trauma?

[Joe Firestone]

No. No, there's no trauma. Okay. It is a book. And yeah, it's.

[George Severis]

There's actually trauma in the book.

[Joe Firestone]

No. Okay.

[George Severis]

There's murder.

[Joe Firestone]

Murder isn't trauma. It's a different genre. Name one Trauma. I mean, I didn't know why this is so difficult. Okay, so, okay, okay. I wrote a fiction book, correct.

[George Severis]

And it's called Murder on Sex Island. And it's out now.

[Joe Firestone]

Yeah. And then there's a second book coming out in a year called Sex on Murder Island.

[George Severis]

And have you already written that one?

[Joe Firestone]

Yeah, that one's written.

[Sam Taggart]

Was that one easy to write because you could just control f sex and change it for murder and control f and vice versa.

[George Severis]

Yeah, same question.

[Joe Firestone]

I do not need you to make control f. To make. To make control f. I'm a novelist. Okay. And I Don't need you doing control f jabs.

[George Severis]

Is it hard to take off your wig when you get home to write the things that happened that day? George.

[Joe Firestone]

George. I didn't. George. This is. Yes. It's written in first person, right? Yes. It's from a mousy woman who's incompetent.

[George Severis]

Well, I actually don't think she's incompetent because she does. Spoiler. She does solve it at the end.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[George Severis]

Just like you finished the book at the end.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[George Severis]

Despite your own self mythology about. Oh, God, I'm always dropping things. You're getting up every day and you're doing five full hours of writing.

[Sam Taggart]

I do one of the most productive people.

[George Severis]

You're literally. You're productive. You. Your last two big entertainment jobs, you've been the boss. You are currently a guest.

[Joe Firestone]

I'm the boss. Oh, Sam, am I the boss?

[George Severis]

You literally are the boss.

[Sam Taggart]

You were literally.

[Joe Firestone]

That. I was the boss.

[Sam Taggart]

Joe, I would say that you are the boss.

[Joe Firestone]

Sam was the boss, I'll tell you that much.

[Sam Taggart]

How was I the boss?

[Joe Firestone]

Everyone looks to Sam every moment. Sam always Sam looking. Everyone looks up to Sam. Sam is 6 foot 5. He is. Has extreme taste.

[Sam Taggart]

Joe. I was silent in that room. I never said a word. I was just like. I was mousy.

[Joe Firestone]

Believable.

[George Severis]

No, but I think you're. I think when. When you think you're being mousy, other people take it as, I better impress him because he's being. He's like. He's not gonna crack a smile unless he's actually impressed with something.

[Joe Firestone]

Sam had an issue with wraps.

[George Severis]

The food.

[Joe Firestone]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

We kept ordering wraps, and mine had a big ass hole in it. Not to mention dry.

[George Severis]

All of them did.

[Sam Taggart]

Well, just the one had the big hole.

[George Severis]

Okay.

[Joe Firestone]

And he's. He personally hit you? Basically. He got. He basically turned the whole room against Rex.

[George Severis]

Oh, that.

[Joe Firestone]

He's got so much social capita. So, yeah, I'm the boss. Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

Joe, there was an undeniable hole in my wrap. What was I supposed. And on top of that, they're consistently dry.

[Joe Firestone]

This is the wettest wrap you'll ever eat.

[George Severis]

I don't. Just to be clear. That doesn't sound better.

[Joe Firestone]

No, no, no, no. This is.

[Sam Taggart]

I don't think if I were to.

[George Severis]

Decide between a dry wrap and a wet wrap, I would go for dry.

[Joe Firestone]

Personally, I only eat wet food. Okay. I don't.

[George Severis]

Oh, interesting. So, like, how Loella only eats soup because of her fake teeth. Just making a.

[Sam Taggart]

Just putting it out there.

[George Severis]

Just putting that out there making a. Making an observation. Kind of like the ones you made as Detective Luella Van Horn.

[Joe Firestone]

Okay, first of all, thank you for pronouncing it in the Dutch.

[George Severis]

Of course.

[Sam Taggart]

He's international.

[Joe Firestone]

Yes.

[George Severis]

No, I'm international American. That's my. That's my nationality. I'm second generation international American.

[Joe Firestone]

And Sam feels like that because he used to go to high school Midwest.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah. So it was different because the accents.

[George Severis]

No, right, exactly.

[Joe Firestone]

Yeah. My wife.

[George Severis]

He's first generation international American because he moved to Virginia.

[Sam Taggart]

It was a really difficult transition, you guys.

[Joe Firestone]

Yeah, well, you know how it goes. Oh, high school. I just got him. I just got invited to my 20th high school reunion. Speaking of old.

[Sam Taggart]

And are you gonna go?

[Joe Firestone]

I don't think I can. How come the people are active?

[George Severis]

Because you have that big case island on Sex Murder.

[Joe Firestone]

George.

[Sam Taggart]

Wet wrap on dry island.

[Joe Firestone]

Oh, oh, oh, you two. You two combined. It is truly, honestly, I tell you this, you two combined. It's like you're two puzzle pieces. But when you put the puzzle pieces together, it is a gun. Okay.

[Sam Taggart]

When I complained about the raps, Joe assigned me to get really into rap culture.

[Joe Firestone]

No, I didn't mean it like that. I meant it like rap culture.

[George Severis]

This is all you guys are. This entire story is like being told to me so that you can do wordplay. It's all been leading up. It's all been leading up to someone being like. It was hardcore rap, and it's like a chicken Caesar rap.

[Joe Firestone]

No. Okay, so. Okay. Okay. That is good.

[George Severis]

Okay, thank you.

[Joe Firestone]

Okay. But, George, seriously, I think that the thing is, this is what I'm just getting at, okay, is that I've never commanded respect in my life. But.

[George Severis]

But respect is being showered at you.

[Sam Taggart]

On all left and right, left and.

[George Severis]

Right, and you are sitting there and saying, I'm mousy.

[Joe Firestone]

I honestly don't understand why people come, they beg you to get on this show.

[Sam Taggart]

They beg you, and I tell George a story.

[George Severis]

Wait, wait, here. You can let Joe. Joe can finish one thought.

[Joe Firestone]

I'm just saying that I practically begged. I said, please, please, mothers, please get me on this show. And just to say. Just to get on there saying, well, that's all that is.

[Sam Taggart]

What?

[Joe Firestone]

I didn't mean to.

[George Severis]

I actually regret. I regret interrupting Sam and having you finish your thought.

[Joe Firestone]

Okay, cool. So what's your story?

[Sam Taggart]

Can I tell George about Toe Tech? Okay, so Joe loves to be like, I'm normal. I'm acting normal. And how do you guys possibly laugh at me? And then she'll say the craziest thing on earth, for example. She was like, everyone has crazy thoughts. She was like, everyone has crazy thoughts. We were all going around sharing, like, okay, well, I believe this. I believe this. Like, sort of, you know, trying to relate and be like, I'm crazy. I'm crazy. You know, somebody's like, I think some people are psychic or whatever. Sure, whatever. We go to Joe, and she's like, well, my boyfriend believes in, you know, past lives. And babies often know him as Totek. Babies often know him as Totec. And we're like, what are you talking about? And she's like, babies will point at him and go toe Tec.

[George Severis]

And then after that, she just has to lead the writer's room for the rest.

[Sam Taggart]

And then literally, she's like, oh, by the way, you have notes. Like, it's like. It's like, what is going on? Babies often know him as Toe Tech. So then it implies that, like, babies know him, and then you reach a certain age and you no longer know him as to tech, you forget who he is.

[Joe Firestone]

That's what I'm saying.

[George Severis]

So.

[Sam Taggart]

How many babies. How many babies have pointed at him?

[Joe Firestone]

Several babies have done this.

[George Severis]

Stop laughing. Okay, so how.

[Joe Firestone]

Like, they'll stick their little finger pointing at him and toe.

[George Severis]

And are you sure it's not like you're. They're saying something like, oh, you know, like baby sounds, but you're primed to hear it as toe.

[Joe Firestone]

No, I wish.

[George Severis]

And how many babies are we talking?

[Joe Firestone]

This happens with several babies.

[Sam Taggart]

Like, several babies.

[Joe Firestone]

And we looked up to and to is an Aztec God of war.

[George Severis]

And so do you think in his past life he was Totek?

[Joe Firestone]

It seems. Only I don't know other explanations.

[George Severis]

And I actually have an explanation for why babies know him as Toe Tec.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, I would love to know your explanation.

[George Severis]

It's actually pretty simple, and I'm sure everyone would have gotten there eventually. But it's like, okay, so if there are past lives, okay, a baby is born. That's a new life being started, but maybe, like, there's residual past life until the baby grows up. You know what I mean? So, like, there's. There's the new life is only just getting started, and it's filling in the container that previously had the past life. So in the beginning, there's enough of the past life for them to recognize him as to tech. And then as they get older, the part of them that would recognize him fades away. And now they are just like Keith.

[Sam Taggart]

It's essentially the plot of Baby Geniuses. I don't know if you guys have seen it.

[George Severis]

I actually have not seen it, but I know of the famous scene where you're in the point of view of the sperm.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah. So pretty much there's a movie called.

[George Severis]

Baby Geniuses with John Travis and Kirsty Alley, right?

[Sam Taggart]

No, that's. Look who's talking, I think.

[George Severis]

Oh, okay.

[Joe Firestone]

And then there's also Baby Giant.

[George Severis]

Well, I was talking about. Look who's Talking Baby Boss. I do. I have seen Baby Geniuses, actually, Sam, I take it back. But. But I still want to know the plot.

[Sam Taggart]

Well, the premise is, of course, that you. That babies are born and they're geniuses until they reach a certain age, and then they forget it all.

[Joe Firestone]

Hey, isn't there a book. I mean, a movie like that? It's like Smart Dogs.

[George Severis]

Yes. No, there actually is, but I can't remember what it's called.

[Joe Firestone]

It's like.

[George Severis]

Do you remember there's also one about with cats and dogs that are battling one another.

[Joe Firestone]

Yes.

[George Severis]

And they're using technology.

[Sam Taggart]

It's called Cats and Dogs. I'm learning. Joe, are you ever worried that if you were to have a child, that your own baby would know him as Toek, and then eventually, like, maybe know him better as to than as dad?

[Joe Firestone]

Sounds like you're worried about that. Sounds like that's something you're worried about.

[George Severis]

I guess my question would be, are you worried that your baby would be a God, AKA the Messiah, to talk.

[Joe Firestone]

About a fictional book?

[Sam Taggart]

Okay, that's nonfiction.

[Joe Firestone]

Okay. I came here to talk. And I'm sorry if everyone else here comes on here to talk about their memoir again.

[George Severis]

This is the inaugural Straighter Lab Book club.

[Sam Taggart]

This is the first book club I think many authors are gonna be begging to come on.

[Joe Firestone]

Oh, I do after this one. Wait till I get on the Reddit forums. So, okay, okay, so basically, here's what you do is it's really easy to. You write them. It's very. You can write a mystery novel really quickly. Okay.

[George Severis]

Yeah.

[Joe Firestone]

And so that's what I did. I thought I was never gonna work again. And then I thought, oh, you know what? I'm gonna write a sexual book that's gonna pop off, you know?

[George Severis]

And why did you choose the mystery? I mean, I guess you chose the mystery genre because it is, like, popular.

[Joe Firestone]

Well, I love mysteries.

[George Severis]

Oh, you do?

[Joe Firestone]

And so then I was like, I'm gonna write a psychosexual thriller. Very good. Very juicy. Then I couldn't really bring pen to paper when it came to the Sexual.

[Sam Taggart]

You know, I did. I did notice that.

[Joe Firestone]

And unfortunately, there is no intercourse.

[George Severis]

For a book called Murder on Sex Island. It's actually pretty light on the sex.

[Sam Taggart]

You'd be surprised how little sex there is.

[Joe Firestone]

I know, I just couldn't. It's just so hard to be like, he put his sausage in there or whatever.

[George Severis]

You do say cock at one point.

[Joe Firestone]

Oh, but I just.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, I mean, there was something when you referred to one character's 10 inch penis throughout, and it was sort of like. Joe, stop it.

[George Severis]

Well, I do think it's written from the perspective of someone who doesn't know what sex is.

[Joe Firestone]

Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Enough. Okay.

[George Severis]

Which is part of the Louella character.

[Joe Firestone]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. So. Yes, she doesn't. She does. Whatever. So then basically I wrote this book thinking it's gonna be a smash hit. Wouldn't have to ever go back to these comedy clubs.

[George Severis]

Where you were making the big bucks was the clubs.

[Sam Taggart]

You see Joe up there at the Cellar every damn night.

[Joe Firestone]

Oh, you too.

[Sam Taggart]

And here's the problem with woke.

[Joe Firestone]

Well, well, well, you two. You two, I hope you enjoy each other. Okay, this is a. This is just ghastly. Okay, so you know, truly. Okay, yes. So I wrote this book thinking it's gonna pop off. Then, you know, I started querying it.

[Sam Taggart]

Querying.

[George Severis]

Showing it to people.

[Joe Firestone]

Yeah, you send it to people.

[George Severis]

And they said, no, no.

[Joe Firestone]

And so then I was like, well, I wrote this whole book though. And so then I self published it. Okay. And then self publishing it is. It's. It. It is a. It is not. Is a tough process for. It's. I accidentally made the book really big.

[Sam Taggart]

How do you mean?

[George Severis]

Like physically?

[Sam Taggart]

Like the font was really big. So then there had to be a lot of pages.

[Joe Firestone]

No, it was like the size of a calendar.

[George Severis]

You just didn't see.

[Sam Taggart]

What? You didn't see. The baby shoes were.

[George Severis]

Yeah, yeah. So. And then when you're holding it, it must look even more giant.

[Joe Firestone]

Oh, please.

[George Severis]

Okay, you're climbing the stairs. Meanwhile, you're surfing on the book. Surfing down the stairs on your giant ass book.

[Sam Taggart]

Just what we were talking about.

[George Severis]

And all your friends hate it.

[Sam Taggart]

Some things are micro, some things are macro. Can anything be normal?

[Joe Firestone]

You all. Why don't you audition for Ass Cat? Like this?

[Sam Taggart]

We have.

[George Severis]

And we didn't make it.

[Sam Taggart]

They don't like us over there.

[George Severis]

Okay.

[Joe Firestone]

Yeah. So then. So then basically I did this whole self published book. Okay. And then. And then I. And then I. Then I. And then eventually it became a published book. But then they were like, you have a lot of plot holes. So then I had to revise the book and write it again. So I've written this book, I think 19 times.

[Sam Taggart]

What was it? What were the plot holes?

[George Severis]

Well, I don't know what changed. I want to just push back a little bit. What you're describing is the editing process.

[Joe Firestone]

I don't actually need you to push back at this moment. And I think that maybe an author.

[George Severis]

Working with an editor at the end be like, I keep having to rewrite it.

[Joe Firestone]

No, no, I think, and I think this is obviously not a time to push back. It actually is a time to push forward.

[George Severis]

Push forward.

[Sam Taggart]

Wow. Now more than ever.

[Joe Firestone]

Oh, okay. So basically, yeah, I guess it got edited.

[George Severis]

Normal, totally.

[Joe Firestone]

But like, for example, there is a knife in this one. In the self published version, I may have forgotten there was a knife.

[George Severis]

But the belly button thing was still there. You just didn't know how it happened.

[Sam Taggart]

Or the knife in the underwear drawer. Which knife?

[George Severis]

There were no knives.

[Joe Firestone]

No, no, there was no, there was a knife, but they never found the knife.

[Sam Taggart]

So it was like an implied knife.

[George Severis]

And which knife did they not find? The one that was used on the murder victims to do the belly button thing. So the one in the chicken. In the rotisserie chicken.

[Joe Firestone]

Yeah. So the rotisserie chicken was an edit.

[George Severis]

That was an edit.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, okay.

[Joe Firestone]

Okay. So I'm sorry, I didn't know you guys had or were read it. Okay, so book club, I guess goes like this.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[George Severis]

Okay, so.

[Sam Taggart]

That is so classic Joe. No, one time, one time Joe was like getting up and she was like, really? Like emphatically like, I'm gonna make a point. I'm going to make a point. What you guys don't understand, what you guys don't understand is people love to go like this.

[George Severis]

For anyone not watching, Sam is merely.

[Sam Taggart]

Holding a cup of this is all she does. And we're like, finish the sentence. What do they love to go like? And she's like, people love to go like this. And she just holds her cup and it's like, what are you saying?

[George Severis]

With two hands?

[Sam Taggart]

With two hands. People love to go like this.

[George Severis]

Okay, did you mean that people like to hold something with both hands?

[Joe Firestone]

No.

[George Severis]

So what did you mean?

[Joe Firestone]

Basically, here's what happened. It's like every day I'd go in there and I'd be like, hi guys, have a great day today. Love you so much. I hope you feel supported. And they would stare at me.

[George Severis]

Like, for anyone listening, by the way, I do want to say Joe was the head writer of After Midnight.

[Joe Firestone]

Barely.

[George Severis]

That is why we are saying she was Sam's boss. And that is where all these stories are coming from.

[Joe Firestone]

But basically, I'd be like, hey, everybody, who needs milk? Who needs water? And everyone would be like.

[George Severis]

Everyone would, like, look at you disrespectfully.

[Joe Firestone]

Yes. And that's why I said, people love to do this.

[George Severis]

I'm. Wait, okay, so you're saying. You're saying, does anyone want milk? Does anyone want water? Everyone says no. You're like, but people love that. They love drinking something.

[Joe Firestone]

No, people love to do this.

[George Severis]

This.

[Joe Firestone]

No, which is.

[Sam Taggart]

Which is nothing.

[Joe Firestone]

No, which is basically, it's like, oh, okay.

[George Severis]

I'm seeing the miscommunication. Can I attempt?

[Joe Firestone]

George, honestly, you've never gotten wrong.

[George Severis]

Thank you. Here's what I think happened.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay.

[George Severis]

Okay. I actually, like, completely understand what happened.

[Sam Taggart]

All right, so this is toe tech all over again.

[George Severis]

No, this is.

[Sam Taggart]

I.

[George Severis]

Babies will start thinking I'm toetec by the time I'm done with this explanation. So basically, Jo asked a question. People stared at her blankly, and then Jo was like, wow, people love to go like this. And then you did the blank stare look simultaneously and unrelatedly, you were holding a cup with two hands. So the way Sam interpreted it is people love to hold a cup with two hands. But that's not the thing you were showing George.

[Joe Firestone]

Genuinely.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[Joe Firestone]

I just wonder if we should spend more time together. Like, I just am wondering if maybe we should.

[George Severis]

Do you remember that one time we got lunch in Manhattan?

[Joe Firestone]

That was cool. I remember what we got. Got.

[George Severis]

What did we get?

[Joe Firestone]

Well, I remember what you got.

[George Severis]

What did I get?

[Joe Firestone]

Tuna melt.

[George Severis]

Yum.

[Sam Taggart]

I do think I have to be. Joe, you're painting, like, a sort of a wrong picture.

[George Severis]

Oh, he's pushing back.

[Joe Firestone]

Are you gonna push forward?

[George Severis]

If. Well, if. If one of us, you know, I push back. 1. So now Sam has his turn.

[Joe Firestone]

Okay, fine. But guess what? My turn's coming up, and it's not gonna be pretty.

[George Severis]

Oh.

[Sam Taggart]

Because Joe comes in and is like, whoopty boop de boop. Like, she does something so silly. And we're all like, okay, that's the silliest thing I've ever seen. Like, we're like we, and we support it. We say, that is so funny, Joe. You are so funny. And she goes, I'm not being funny. I see Joe respond.

[Joe Firestone]

I conducted myself in a professional manner. Every day. Every day. I go in every day. I would have to listen to these, listen to this, listen to These listen. No. So I listen to this music on the way there that was like, you're going to have a good day. Nothing's going to go wrong today. Like, I had to listen to every day.

[George Severis]

This is like Barney's Hits, Volume 1.

[Sam Taggart]

There was literally a song called I'm making a Move. I've never heard this song in my life. And it's like, I'm making a move and it's like, it's like not Lizzo, but really close.

[George Severis]

Would you say it's like Pink?

[Sam Taggart]

It's closer to Lizzo.

[Joe Firestone]

It's closer to Lizzo. But I would listen to it every day to try to feel good going in there.

[George Severis]

Were you like dreading going into work every day?

[Joe Firestone]

So then I would basically. I would basically go and be like, this is the day I'm gonna have a good attitude. Because whenever I had a bad attitude, everyone was like, ugh, when are you gonna be in a good mood again? Terrible. Okay, so then basically I was driving and playing that song, trying to get in a good headspace when I crash my car.

[George Severis]

Oh.

[Sam Taggart]

I'm making a move.

[George Severis]

You know, there's something actually very powerful about what you're describing because you know what it reminds me of? Okay. There's nothing creepier than something violent happening while happy music is playing. And of course, my mind goes to the TV show Lost, where famously that song play your own kind of music would play as like something bad would happen in the bunker. Don't call in with. Basically something like that happened. And so I could see that being a very traumatic experience for you to be both listening to a Lizzo esque song and also be having a near death experience.

[Joe Firestone]

Of course, I mean, it wasn't so bad. But yeah, no, I would say that, you know, like, what's the guy's name that did all those movies? Keaton.

[George Severis]

Michael Keaton.

[Joe Firestone]

No.

[Sam Taggart]

J.J. abrams.

[Joe Firestone]

No, it's the guy that did those movies. Like Pulp Fiction.

[George Severis]

Tarantino. Yes. So Terrence Tarantino. Yeah, Keaton. Tarantino. I love Keaton. Tarantino.

[Joe Firestone]

I didn't catch up on my textbooks before going on this show. Okay. And next time I'll know to read my textbooks.

[George Severis]

We both did our reading.

[Joe Firestone]

Okay, okay. So, okay, so then basically, you know, Tarantino does that. Those famous things.

[George Severis]

Oh, sure, sure. Yes. Where it's like, very sure. Like music being discordant with what is happening. And that's where the. I mean, it's.

[Sam Taggart]

And to be fair, to paint a picture, it wasn't a, like crash with another car. You were Scraping against a pillar. Correct.

[Joe Firestone]

I scraped against the walls of the garage.

[George Severis]

I see. And sort of kept going.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, well, once you start scraping, there's no stopping it.

[George Severis]

Okay. And then just to go back to the story, how does this relate to anything we were talking about?

[Joe Firestone]

Okay, I'm just saying. I'm just saying. Oh, this is. What's the issue? Okay. So I'm just saying that basically, I didn't realize this was here. I was thinking this should be.

[George Severis]

Again, for anyone only listening, there was a pillow, a seashell. Seashell illustration pillow and seashell shaped pillow behind Joe's giant back.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, my gosh.

[Joe Firestone]

Okay, so basically all I'm saying.

[George Severis]

Yes.

[Joe Firestone]

Is that. So Sam and I just have different views on how this all went down.

[George Severis]

Okay.

[Joe Firestone]

Right. So basically, I'm in there thinking, I'm normal every day. I'm professional. I'm going to have a. I'm going to. I'm going to run a tight room. And Sam has this idea that I'm coming in every day saying, wacky, wacko, everybody. Who wants a balloon? And that's not what I felt. I did.

[George Severis]

I understand.

[Joe Firestone]

I felt. I said, who wants a pencil? Time to get to work. And I guess in his mind, I was, you know, I was wearing a big uniform.

[George Severis]

You were being Patch Adams. That is to Sam, you are Patch Adams. To you, you are Meryl Streep and Devil Wears Prada.

[Joe Firestone]

That is interesting.

[Sam Taggart]

That is interesting.

[George Severis]

Those are the two polls of professionalism.

[Joe Firestone]

Are you watching Gilded Age?

[George Severis]

You know, I actually have a request, and I want to look straight into my camera. No, I would like to no longer be asked if I'm watching the Gilded Age by Susan. I think I have been asked enough times whether I'm watching the Gilded Age. It has nothing to do with my opinions on the Gilded Age. I think theater actresses are the Patch Adams of the culture industry, and I respect them. I would Venmo Carrie Coon personally if I could. If anyone has her Venmo, let me know. But I would officially like to be asked to no longer be addressed by someone asking me, do you watch the Gilded Age?

[Sam Taggart]

I think that is such a beautiful sentence. And I'm of course, thrilled for all the actors and everyone that is employed by that show. And I hope it goes forever.

[George Severis]

I agree.

[Sam Taggart]

I just don't want to be associated with it and assumed that I would watch it.

[Joe Firestone]

I. Okay, okay.

[George Severis]

I don't, but Matthew does. So it's playing in my home a.

[Sam Taggart]

Lot, and I don't as well, but Misha does. So it's playing in my home a lot. Oh, my God.

[Joe Firestone]

You know what?

[George Severis]

We have so much in common.

[Joe Firestone]

Must be nice to have husbands that are going in there.

[Sam Taggart]

Well, you've got.

[George Severis]

You're the Matthew and Misha of your relationship. Because I assume he doesn't.

[Joe Firestone]

No, he watches.

[George Severis]

Okay, so what are you complaining about?

[Sam Taggart]

Sounds like you are.

[George Severis]

You guys are in sync and watching it together.

[Joe Firestone]

I'm just saying that ever since I've been on this podcast, I've been called in 20 times.

[George Severis]

Called in?

[Sam Taggart]

Mm.

[George Severis]

Well, that's the good one. Do you wanna be called out?

[Joe Firestone]

No.

[George Severis]

Hello? Complaining about being called in.

[Joe Firestone]

I just wish I did it right.

[George Severis]

Did what right?

[Sam Taggart]

Everything.

[George Severis]

Well, you're doing something right here.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, right. Writing a book.

[George Severis]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Joe Firestone]

Oh, I don't need that. And listen. And this. Listen. I know that people are gonna return their books after listening to this podcast.

[Sam Taggart]

What?

[George Severis]

I think they're gonna do that.

[Joe Firestone]

You're gonna earn them.

[Sam Taggart]

Does that hurt your sales if they do?

[Joe Firestone]

Yeah.

[George Severis]

No. No. You pocket that money from.

[Sam Taggart]

You pocket it no matter what.

[George Severis]

No, you're asked to. If you get little book residuals, they have you. They say, write a check for. For $24. Someone just returned. Someone just returned this book to Barnes and Noble. They call you personally. They say, joe, we have good news and bad news.

[Sam Taggart]

Somebody bought your book. That's amazing. Here's 24. The bad news is they returned it. You owe us that money back.

[Joe Firestone]

Can I tell you something that's so embarrassing? So I keep going. I keep going into book stores. So humble.

[George Severis]

Yeah, of course.

[Joe Firestone]

Being like, I wonder if my book is here. It's not. Then I had to walk out. Real humble.

[George Severis]

Wait, it. Surely it is.

[Joe Firestone]

No, it's not. And I walk out saying, must be nice to be Ann Patchett.

[George Severis]

Sure. Oh, yeah. That bitch. Aunt Patchett. Dumb bitch. I don't care if she's listening. Stupid.

[Joe Firestone]

Okay, only 10 more presents to wrap. You're almost at the finish line. But first, There, the last one. Enjoy a Coca Cola for a pause that refreshes.

[George Severis]

Listen to your elders, honey. You might know them from their viral videos. But now the old gays pull back the curtain. On their podcast, Silver Linings with the Old Gays, brought to you in partnership with iHeart's Ruby Studio and Veeve Healthcare. For a very special bonus episode, hosts Robert, Mick, Bill, and Jahsay talk about how pride has evolved over the years and their favorite memories, all in celebration of Palm Springs pride. Because pride should be celebrated all year round. Listen in to these fabulous Friends swap stories exploring how queer life has evolved over the decades and the silver linings they've collected along the way. Each episode dives into hot topics, from safe sex and online dating to untangling Gen Z lingo, as well as insights on how music, art, and fashion show up in queer culture. So check out Silver Linings, a show about how pride ages like fine wine. Available on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Sam Taggart]

And now, superhuman Shaq.

[Shaquille O'Neal]

I keep telling them not to say that. I'm no superhuman. Believe it or not, I struggle with moderate obstructive sleep apnea, or osa in adults with obesity. Moderate to severe OSA is a condition where breathing is interrupted during sleep with loud snoring, choking, gasping for air, and even daytime fatigue. Let's just say it can sound a lot like this. Sound familiar? Learn more@don'tsleeponosa.com this information is provided by.

[George Severis]

Lilly, a medicine company.

[IBM AI Representative]

So let me get this straight. Your company has data here, there, and everywhere, but your AI can't use the data because it's here, there, and everywhere? Seems like something's missing. Every business has unique data. IBM helps your AI access your data wherever it lives. To change how you do business, let's create smarter business.

[George Severis]

IBM.

[Sam Taggart]

So, Joe, how did you decide how it was gonna end? Like, pretty much. Spoiler alert. There's like a group of killers. Why?

[George Severis]

They're men. They're all men and they're men.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah. What were.

[Joe Firestone]

Why? Why?

[Sam Taggart]

Why group instead of one? Yeah.

[George Severis]

Sicko. Well, feminism.

[Sam Taggart]

Was it. Was it about feminism?

[Joe Firestone]

Do you think it was about feminism?

[George Severis]

Honestly?

[Sam Taggart]

A little.

[Joe Firestone]

I guess. I guess basically you, you know, you just. You just have to say what makes the most sense in the moment.

[George Severis]

Okay. What leads me to my follow up question.

[Joe Firestone]

I don't want. What? I don't want what? I don't want any watch in this.

[George Severis]

Are you saying that you sort of figured out the plot as you went along?

[Sam Taggart]

No, no, Joe. Joe did tell me that her. You told me your writing process. For a mystery, you just have to know how it ends and everything else you can kind of riff.

[George Severis]

Is that your writing process?

[Joe Firestone]

I never said you.

[Sam Taggart]

Joe, you said that to me.

[Joe Firestone]

I never said.

[George Severis]

You're gaslighting.

[Joe Firestone]

I am not.

[Sam Taggart]

You're literally gaslighting me.

[George Severis]

You're being Phil from the book.

[Joe Firestone]

Oh, you know what's really good?

[George Severis]

What?

[Joe Firestone]

Phil's coffee.

[George Severis]

Oh, I agree, but it's so strong.

[Joe Firestone]

Yum yum. Love it.

[George Severis]

Okay, so you know it's Palestinian owned.

[Joe Firestone]

Yes, I did.

[George Severis]

Really? Yes.

[Joe Firestone]

Wow. And you know what? It's only. I wish it was on the east coast, but I don't think it's in.

[Sam Taggart]

D.C. i wish it was a little less sweet, to be honest.

[Joe Firestone]

Oh, please.

[George Severis]

Like the coffee itself without sugar.

[Joe Firestone]

Oh, he doesn't know what he's doing.

[George Severis]

Have you ever had the iced mint mojito?

[Joe Firestone]

He says ice cream's too cold.

[Sam Taggart]

It is too cold.

[George Severis]

That's actually one of Sam's favorite things to say.

[Joe Firestone]

Get a life. These clothes are too soft. My skin is too good.

[George Severis]

You know, I've been.

[Sam Taggart]

Joe, can you tell George the term you invented for what that is? That I do. And sort of. This, I think will feed into.

[George Severis]

This is a term for what? You saying Me?

[Sam Taggart]

My complaints.

[George Severis]

Your complaints.

[Joe Firestone]

You know, so Sam has weird complaints like, I don't like dinner or whatever.

[George Severis]

Sure.

[Sam Taggart]

My complaint was I don't like when I like dinner because it makes me feel lame.

[George Severis]

I mean, that's classic.

[Joe Firestone]

This is just insane. This is an insane.

[George Severis]

That is so classic.

[Joe Firestone]

And he. And. And he's meanwhile charming the pants off.

[George Severis]

A half the country. No, it's unfair. It's unfair.

[Joe Firestone]

Meanwhile, you have to under. You have to self process things like, oh, he doesn't like dinner. Okay.

[George Severis]

Yeah. Okay, so what is the word? This. I would love to have a word for this.

[Joe Firestone]

Here's what happens. So basically, if I'm like, hey, does everybody want a present? Or hey, who here. Who here needs a coffee? I can tell when Sam goes like. He does a little inhale, like. And then I know that is a stage of pre calm.

[George Severis]

Pre calm? Pre calm is calm communication.

[Joe Firestone]

No complain.

[George Severis]

Oh, okay. Okay. Yes. No, I know exactly what you mean. Yes. Okay, keep going.

[Sam Taggart]

But you must understand that when Joe says, sam's going to pre com, people are like, joe. That is crazy.

[George Severis]

And this is. This is what you're saying when you think you're being so professional.

[Joe Firestone]

No, I am. It is pronounced.

[George Severis]

This is a workplace.

[Joe Firestone]

I'm not saying he's gonna pre comb everybody.

[George Severis]

Okay. So how are you, sir? He's got juice.

[Joe Firestone]

I'm not saying that.

[George Severis]

Okay, so how are you saying it?

[Joe Firestone]

He's going to pre comb.

[George Severis]

I doubt you're over pronouncing.

[Joe Firestone]

No, I'm saying it that way. I'm saying it that way. I'm saying that way.

[George Severis]

I also want to say he's not gonna precom when you're saying it. That means you saw him pre com. Correct. He's gonna come. No, you're not seeing him precom. And saying he's gonna precom.

[Sam Taggart]

Don't worry, Joe. This is just part of the editing process.

[George Severis]

I have to say it would be insane to be having sex and say.

[Sam Taggart]

I'm gonna precom orange.

[George Severis]

That would be so amazing.

[Sam Taggart]

I'm gonna pre call.

[George Severis]

That would honestly be something that happens on. In your book.

[Joe Firestone]

Whatever, whatever. Because I don't know what sex is.

[George Severis]

No, Luella doesn't know what sex is.

[Sam Taggart]

Luella, who you may or may not.

[George Severis]

Who you are not related to, from what I understand now I want to ask you something which is you have been doing this.

[Sam Taggart]

Thank you for bringing this up. Thank you for bringing this up.

[George Severis]

Okay, first of all, you're just. Did you bring our big prop?

[Joe Firestone]

Oh, dear. I guess I gotta replant it now.

[George Severis]

You're performing mousiness to prove. Oh, dear.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh dear.

[George Severis]

Okay.

[Joe Firestone]

I thought this was gonna be smooth.

[George Severis]

You are doing. First of all, I was very grateful you agreed to be on a show of mine that I hosted George Severis and Friends.

[Joe Firestone]

That was really cool. Sponsored at a 24 day cherry tree.

[Sam Taggart]

Tree.

[George Severis]

Yes. Cherry Lane Theater. Look out for more.

[Joe Firestone]

You do more?

[George Severis]

Well, hopefully. I'm waiting to hear back about dates. And I said, joe, I would absolutely love for you to do this show. You said, I don't really. I haven't really been doing standup, but for you, I'll come out of retirement. And I said, that would be amazing. I can't wait. You get there the day of you say, I'm actually not going to do stand up, but I'm going to do this bit I've been doing on stage. And would you like to explain what the bit is?

[Joe Firestone]

I don't remember.

[George Severis]

It's called suck or fuck.

[Sam Taggart]

And you say things and say whether.

[George Severis]

They suck or fuck or whether they correspond to suck or fucking.

[Joe Firestone]

Well, yeah, basically it got a little bit confusing because you guys accused me of homophobia by saying that suck was bad but was good. So then I had to switch it to say suck was good and was.

[George Severis]

Bad, but which one do you think is better?

[Joe Firestone]

No, I'm not doing that again.

[George Severis]

You were so you.

[Joe Firestone]

I'm not gonna be baited.

[George Severis]

You initially. No, you would know all about that. You initially said was good and suck was bad.

[Joe Firestone]

And then you.

[George Severis]

And then I said, you know, in queer relationships actually suck can count as sex because we're not so penetrated once again.

[Joe Firestone]

And neither is this book, to be honest.

[George Severis]

This book is what? Non penetrative.

[Sam Taggart]

But there's also no sucking.

[George Severis]

Yeah, I would say there's more Than sucking.

[Sam Taggart]

There's not even any. There's not even any jerking.

[George Severis]

I didn't know that.

[Joe Firestone]

I didn't know everyone was keeping score.

[George Severis]

There is also a. Was it called a grief orgy?

[Joe Firestone]

Oh, there's.

[Sam Taggart]

That ended up just being a cuddle puddle.

[George Severis]

Yeah.

[Joe Firestone]

Cuddle puddles happen on Wednesdays.

[George Severis]

Yes, that's women Wednesdays.

[Sam Taggart]

Women pick Wednesdays.

[George Severis]

Women pick Wednesdays.

[Joe Firestone]

You guys think I could have written this better than women? I just wonder if maybe now I'm hearing these things out loud from your voices that maybe they could have.

[George Severis]

Wait, I actually, I have a correction. There is sucking. Well, there's cunnilingus in that. There's. One of my favorite jokes is that there's one guy who's famously good at cunnilingus, Famously hates cunnilingus. And then after the show, he gets a reality show where he goes to different restaurants, and it's called Noah's Eating Out.

[Sam Taggart]

Yes. Oh, and there's rim jobs.

[Joe Firestone]

There's rim jobs.

[Sam Taggart]

Well, it implied, like, they happened in the past.

[Joe Firestone]

Oh, you want them to happen in a moment.

[George Severis]

Yeah. I would like a description of the act.

[Joe Firestone]

This is the issue I had. I couldn't bear to do it. I couldn't bear to do it.

[George Severis]

Do you not want your readers to pre com?

[Joe Firestone]

Okay, first of all, I'm trying to get my readers to.

[Sam Taggart]

People love to do this.

[Joe Firestone]

No. Okay, so. No, I don't need that. Okay, so this, this. Oh, do you need a coffee break, sir? Okay, so basically, make sure to hold.

[George Severis]

It with both hands. People love to do that, George. Okay, go ahead.

[Joe Firestone]

Basically, I never understood how this could feel. Okay, so basically, basically. Oh, I should maybe not sit. This is recorded visually.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, I'm sitting the same dam.

[George Severis]

Not real.

[Joe Firestone]

You know what I mean?

[George Severis]

How crazy would it be if it wasn't? There were just cameras everywhere.

[Joe Firestone]

Well, I did ask if these were iPads, and apparently they're not.

[George Severis]

No, just wait. Okay, keep going. Basically, approximately 10 minutes ago, you started a sentence with what basically?

[Joe Firestone]

Well, that could have been anything.

[Sam Taggart]

That's what we're saying.

[George Severis]

That's why we want to narrow it down to what it is.

[Joe Firestone]

What would it have to do with.

[George Severis]

Instead of what it could be? You know, when you start a sentence, it could be anything. But as you go, it gets more and more specific.

[Joe Firestone]

You know, I have rolling blackouts.

[George Severis]

You have rolling blackouts.

[Joe Firestone]

That's in my head. I don't remember a single thing that happened to me.

[George Severis]

Do you think that contributed to the various miscommunications in the writers room. You blacking out every morning.

[Sam Taggart]

Hitting the.

[George Severis]

Fucking building with your car, and then walking in and saying completely indecent, decipherable things to your entire staff.

[Joe Firestone]

Oh, my God. Oh, this is not how I pictured it. Here's what I pictured.

[George Severis]

Yes.

[Joe Firestone]

Okay. Coming on this pod.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay.

[Joe Firestone]

I pictured here. Hey. Hey. Hi. Hi.

[Sam Taggart]

This book is to die for. Joa, you're so twisted to. You're doing the pod. It's nice to have you back. It was so nice to see you the other day. That tuna Mel was divine. I'm so happy you're back in New York. Oh, my God, I love what you've done with your hair. The back is so normal. This book is to die for. I literally could not believe all the twists and turns. And the knife, it was so perfectly placed in the chicken. You know, I could tell that an earlier version didn't have knives, but it was such an improvement that this one did. And I love the lack of sex. That really made me feel like I wasn't gonna precom. If I had to decide between suck and fuck, I would choose fuck for this book, which is better. Is that how you imagined it? Yeah.

[George Severis]

What the hell are you talking about?

[Joe Firestone]

This is. This is.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, my God.

[Joe Firestone]

You know what? Good thing you found each other. Good thing you found each other. The two of you are like two horns of a devil.

[Sam Taggart]

Two horns of a devil.

[George Severis]

So we're two jigsaw pieces that create a gun and two horns of a devil.

[Joe Firestone]

You know that mixing metaphors is my specialty, but basically what happened is you had a horn and you had a horn, and basically what? Together, you create the face and horns of a devil.

[George Severis]

Oh, my God.

[Sam Taggart]

And it was Louella Van Horn.

[Joe Firestone]

Whoa.

[Sam Taggart]

Character name.

[Joe Firestone]

It is. It is. Here's the thing. Here's the thing.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[George Severis]

What's the thing?

[Sam Taggart]

What's the thing?

[Joe Firestone]

Okay. I am grateful that both of you read.

[George Severis]

I actually didn't read the book.

[Joe Firestone]

Okay. And.

[George Severis]

No, I did. What's up?

[Joe Firestone]

And I just think that also, you guys really did. You really did have this book club. Be the first one.

[George Severis]

We really had this.

[Sam Taggart]

We really did have this. Be the first one.

[Joe Firestone]

I don't need you to repeat what I said to you.

[George Severis]

So mad. You're doing it again.

[Joe Firestone]

No, no. Certainly, certainly.

[Sam Taggart]

Dame Maggie Smith.

[George Severis]

Is that you?

[Sam Taggart]

Certainly. Are you watching the Gilded Age? Secondly. What?

[Joe Firestone]

Secondly, I just. When I was coming here, you know, I spent $27 at a noodles.

[George Severis]

Yes. And I spent $17 on half a sandwich.

[Sam Taggart]

I spent $18 on a quiche.

[George Severis]

That's nuts.

[Joe Firestone]

It is all nuts. It is all nuts. But I thought to myself, I've heard.

[Sam Taggart]

Of walnuts, but all nuts.

[Joe Firestone]

I don't even know what I'm doing here.

[George Severis]

Okay, you're promoting your big book. It's not available on any bookstore, so people have to listen to this podcast.

[Joe Firestone]

When you call it a big book, it reminds me of how I messed up and ordered it big.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay, Calendar style.

[George Severis]

When you were checking out, was there a choice for calendar style and book style and you accidentally chose calendar?

[Joe Firestone]

It just was really big.

[George Severis]

Okay?

[Joe Firestone]

And I didn't realize I don't have a tape in my house.

[George Severis]

You know what's funny? If I were to go about self publishing something, and I don't mean this as a criticism, I would immediately say ebook. This is an ebook. I'm self publishing an ebook. It would sound so difficult to actually pay to have it printed.

[Joe Firestone]

Well, it was clearly.

[George Severis]

It came back giant.

[Sam Taggart]

Joe, was that like the test print or did you have like 500 of these big books?

[George Severis]

Yeah, how many people bought the collector's edition calendar style books pre edits. It was just a printed out Google Doc with comments and highlights in tk. Tk Ad killer here.

[Sam Taggart]

You had the ending and then the rest was like. I'll figure this out later.

[Joe Firestone]

Absolutely not. Okay, listen. This was a highly regimented writing process.

[George Severis]

Okay, okay.

[Sam Taggart]

Let'S tell. Let us know your process.

[George Severis]

Yeah, yeah.

[Joe Firestone]

First of all, I never said riff.

[George Severis]

Excuse me?

[Joe Firestone]

Sam said, oh, oh. Just riff it. That's what he said.

[Sam Taggart]

I said, oh, oh, oh.

[George Severis]

Okay. Yes, I do want you to correct Sam. So Sam said you said the way to write a mystery. Come up with the ending and then just riff the rest. You're saying that's wrong. That's misinformation.

[Joe Firestone]

I never said.

[George Severis]

What did you say?

[Joe Firestone]

Come up with the ending and then come up with the middle and then riff the rest. No, first of all, you two. You two are basically like a devilish monkey.

[George Severis]

Okay.

[Joe Firestone]

Okay.

[Sam Taggart]

Interesting.

[Joe Firestone]

And you know that.

[George Severis]

Is this like a wicked thing?

[Joe Firestone]

Oh, oh. Do you know what I think?

[George Severis]

What?

[Sam Taggart]

What?

[Joe Firestone]

I think that the wicked dorm room is the same as the Wednesday dorm room.

[George Severis]

Oh, well, of course.

[Joe Firestone]

Okay.

[Sam Taggart]

I think you should incorporate this into your stand up.

[George Severis]

This is really big.

[Sam Taggart]

Well, maybe instead of sucker fucking be wicked. Dorm room, Wednesday dorm room.

[George Severis]

Joe, I just want to say. That's such a good point. The wicked dorm room and the Wednesday dorm room are similar.

[Joe Firestone]

I need you all to delete it.

[George Severis]

Do you think it's part of the dorm room cinematic No, I need you all.

[Joe Firestone]

No, I need you all to delete it. I'm bringing in hot, fresh observations.

[Sam Taggart]

No, I actually love that observation. I think they are.

[George Severis]

Do you have any?

[Joe Firestone]

No, no. Here's one.

[George Severis]

No, this is. This is 15 minutes right here. What else? What other dorm?

[Joe Firestone]

Here's what happens. I come in here with hot, fresh cultural commentary. Okay. Which any podcast would be grateful to have. And you all think I'm making. I'm saying, hey, Jer, you want some lemonade? Madda, the blueberries.

[IBM AI Representative]

What?

[Joe Firestone]

I told you I don't want any more. What's.

[George Severis]

Oh, that's actually a good rule.

[Joe Firestone]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, that's a really good rule.

[George Severis]

I could see that being a sort of Mariah Carey esque diva thing where she's like, mariah doesn't want, like, Mariah doesn't want any. What's. Like, that's her. What it's like in her writer that when you talk to her, you are not allowed to say what because it makes her feel. Not heard. If she says something, even if you literally didn't hear, and you're like, excuse me, you can't say what.

[Joe Firestone]

Yeah, I used to never. I used to never repeat my jokes if someone didn't hear it because they'd be like, what'd you say? And then if I repeated it, they'd go, mm. And I said, no, it's no longer.

[George Severis]

Yeah, you missed it.

[Joe Firestone]

I said, it's time to move on. But people don't like that. But I'm just saying that a lot of people. I bet you. You guys have comments.

[Sam Taggart]

We got some comments.

[Joe Firestone]

I bet the comments on this, this whole interview.

[George Severis]

Yeah. They're gonna be like, what?

[Sam Taggart]

No. Damn, George, that was good. You ate that up.

[George Severis]

What are the comments going to be like?

[Joe Firestone]

No, spit it back out. Okay. Spit it back out. Okay. The comments are all going to be like, that is true about the dorms.

[Sam Taggart]

No, I think it's true. I think it's really genius.

[George Severis]

Have you seen Wednesday?

[Sam Taggart]

No, Joe. I noticed that. Joe, I noticed that the murder weapon. Spoiler alert. Is often antifreeze. Have you ever tasted antifreeze?

[George Severis]

Yeah. Is it delicious?

[Joe Firestone]

Basically, you're coming on me here. I'm coming on here. Basically, I'm coming on here and you're all saying, hey, why don't you kill yourself? Which I have had enough of.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, my God.

[George Severis]

Sorry. But this is like you're being a stereotype of a triggered college student. We are asking a question. You're saying, so basically you want me to kill myself?

[Joe Firestone]

No, basically you're saying. No, basically you're saying, oh, I noticed that there's a bomb in their book. Any interest in putting a bomb in your own house? Okay, I don't think I'm being sensitive. I think you're asking me to kill myself.

[Sam Taggart]

Joe, I need to play something.

[George Severis]

Okay. Oh, multimedia.

[Joe Firestone]

Teacher, teacher, please kill yourself.

[George Severis]

What's that?

[Sam Taggart]

That's what Joe. You say what it is?

[Joe Firestone]

No, you say it.

[Sam Taggart]

That's what Joe said. That we were like in the room.

[Joe Firestone]

And they were like that. Every day they would hope and pray. That they'd say, hope and pray. Teacher kills himself, rubbing their little paws together. Teacher, teacher, please kill yourself. Oh, well, here's some more brownies, everybody. Anybody want a gift?

[Sam Taggart]

None for me, thanks.

[Joe Firestone]

George.

[George Severis]

Yeah.

[Joe Firestone]

He'S tired. Okay.

[Sam Taggart]

Joe, you make me laugh like no one else. Sam is so wild.

[George Severis]

You're one of the funniest.

[Joe Firestone]

No.

[George Severis]

Excuse me.

[Joe Firestone]

Oh, don't worry about it.

[Sam Taggart]

It's hard for him to get up.

[Joe Firestone]

No, don't worry. Don't worry about that.

[George Severis]

It's really difficult for me to give compliments to women. Yes.

[Joe Firestone]

Okay. I'm so sweaty. Okay, so basically. Basically, Basically, yeah. I would be in the middle of being like, hey, here's what we're doing today. And Sam would go like. It's. It's.

[George Severis]

Sam will occasionally have a performative yawn.

[Sam Taggart]

It's not performative. It's not performative. I get sleepy. I'm. I'm self diagnosed as narcoleptic.

[George Severis]

Oh, that's right. I forgot.

[Joe Firestone]

And how do you sneeze?

[Sam Taggart]

I chew a big one.

[Joe Firestone]

And how do you pee? Pee.

[Sam Taggart]

Pee. Mud, piss.

[Joe Firestone]

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

[George Severis]

Something I found interesting.

[Joe Firestone]

No. Yeah.

[George Severis]

Excuse me.

[Joe Firestone]

Sorry, I was keeping going.

[George Severis]

I guess I do want to stay a little more on whether this book is a feminist text.

[Joe Firestone]

Fabulous.

[George Severis]

Because a big part of the twist is that antifreeze is seen as a feminine weapon, like poisoning.

[Sam Taggart]

Because it's poison.

[George Severis]

Yeah, like poisoning is something women do, not men. And the men take advantage of, like, systemic sexism by basically using poison, knowing that the police and the detective will think it was a woman. So I guess my question for you is, what's a badass woman you look up to.

[Sam Taggart]

And you can't say Maggie Smith or Luella Van Horn.

[Joe Firestone]

Can I tell you what it seems like when you just talked to me right now? It was like. It was like, here, honey. Here, honey. I gave you this flower. I gave you this flower here. Is this flower in a pot?

[George Severis]

It's with fresh you mean I'm being, like, condescending about this?

[Joe Firestone]

No, no, no. Good.

[George Severis]

Google it. No.

[Sam Taggart]

Good. You're being, like a sweet, sweet, sweet person.

[Joe Firestone]

Okay, here's this flower in a fresh pot. I put fresh dirt on it. And then I'm like, where'd you get the dirt? And you're like, your grave.

[George Severis]

It's crazy that there's. You're having an interaction that I'm part of, and then there's this entire undercurrent of this story you're making up about it that I cannot predict at all.

[Joe Firestone]

You know exactly what it's like.

[Sam Taggart]

No, I don't.

[Joe Firestone]

What do you think this is? What do you think this has been like?

[George Severis]

I gave you a compliment.

[Sam Taggart]

I think this has been a really productive conversation about your creative process. I think.

[George Severis]

I think we're the ones that. We're the ones that keep bringing it back to the book. You know, often it's the other way around. A celebrity will be interviewed.

[Joe Firestone]

Celebrity?

[George Severis]

A celebrity.

[Sam Taggart]

Well, on this podcast, authors are celebrities.

[George Severis]

Yeah. Nowhere else. So a celebrity will be interviewed, and then the interviewer will be like, so you were spotted with Brad Pitt? And then the celebrity will be like, I actually just want to talk about menu play. It's about a woman who has a difficult time in the grocery store because of the pandemic.

[Joe Firestone]

Oh, sounds like a good book.

[George Severis]

This is a play, actually. But you did change it from book to play.

[Sam Taggart]

That was confusing. Wait, because we were talking about authors, and then it was like the author of the.

[George Severis]

I actually said celebrity in my story, not author.

[Sam Taggart]

Well, I changed it.

[George Severis]

Oh. My point is, usually the interviewer is the one trying to take the conversation away from the work, and the celebrity tries to bring her back to the work. But I think Sam and I have done such a good job of. Of going back to the book, which you see him, in fact, not wanting to talk about.

[Joe Firestone]

No, I want to talk about it. Believe me. Believe me.

[Sam Taggart]

What do you want to say about it?

[Joe Firestone]

Basically, it's like a great summer read.

[George Severis]

Or fall, because, you know, summer's ending soon.

[Sam Taggart]

But it's a quick read, so, you know, there's still time in the summer for it to be a summer read.

[George Severis]

That's true.

[Joe Firestone]

Well, it's not that quick.

[George Severis]

That's true.

[Sam Taggart]

Especially if you get the big version.

[George Severis]

It would take so long to read the big version.

[Sam Taggart]

Turning those giant tires.

[George Severis]

Turning those giant pages.

[Joe Firestone]

First of all. Okay, yeah. First of all, here's how this should go.

[George Severis]

It's been going.

[Joe Firestone]

No, no, here's how this should go.

[George Severis]

Okay.

[Joe Firestone]

Okay. Delete all that from before.

[George Severis]

Done.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay.

[Joe Firestone]

Hey George, nice to see you again. Sam. What's up babe? Okay. Okay. So then it's like. Then it's like they're like. Do you have a book said? Yeah.

[George Severis]

Great impression of us by the way. You think we have little queeny feminine voices?

[Joe Firestone]

First of all, I use my masculine voice for.

[George Severis]

You think this is what we sound like?

[Joe Firestone]

Hi Will.

[Sam Taggart]

Hi Grace.

[George Severis]

I'm Jack. That's you. That's who you think we are.

[Joe Firestone]

I never trying to bait. I mean get baited.

[George Severis]

Uh huh.

[Sam Taggart]

That makes one of us.

[Joe Firestone]

Okay. Woo. He's obsessed. Okay, so basically. Basically, here's the thing.

[George Severis]

Okay. Here's you go again with basically. Let's hope you'll land this one.

[Joe Firestone]

Really cool that you brought a book. They're really cool that. Thanks for giving us this book.

[George Severis]

So you think we're like straight acting because we're self hating gays and we wanna, we wanna seem like masculine. Is that what you think?

[Joe Firestone]

Sam? That was really flattering impression, wasn't it?

[Sam Taggart]

I thought that was really flattering. Thank you for that.

[George Severis]

Okay, so tell us, how is it gonna go?

[Joe Firestone]

Impressions aside, I'll just be neutral.

[IBM AI Representative]

Uh huh.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[George Severis]

So you think we stand for nothing? We've never voted in an election. We're just like centrists. Oh, I hope Biden. I hope Biden goes back into the race.

[Joe Firestone]

Honestly, I don't know if you're staying away from sugar and carbs or what's happening. Okay. I noticed that George was ripped when I got here. Sam, I'd be shocked if you weren't ripped as well.

[Sam Taggart]

Joe, I'm not ripped.

[Joe Firestone]

I would be shocked to find that out. Both of you are obviously on a steaming rocket to the top. But. But I just want to warn you that there are monsters dragging it down.

[Sam Taggart]

You know I did notice there was an anti fame sentiment in the book.

[George Severis]

Yeah. And actually that is something we wanted to talk to you about. Is like is this book you having been inside the Hollywood Beast?

[Joe Firestone]

No.

[George Severis]

You know you're a head, you know, head writer. These big shows.

[Sam Taggart]

You've met people that would literally kill to be on tv.

[George Severis]

Been on Jeffrey Epstein's Island.

[Joe Firestone]

No.

[George Severis]

Post. Post cancellation. You're the only one still going.

[Joe Firestone]

No.

[George Severis]

People are like no one lives here anymore.

[Joe Firestone]

No.

[George Severis]

You say I'm ready to party.

[Joe Firestone]

No, no, no.

[George Severis]

And so then you're writing the satire about everything you've seen.

[Joe Firestone]

Yes, the satire.

[Sam Taggart]

It's a satire of the entertainment industry.

[Joe Firestone]

No, but. And I just want to Say that I wrote this before I did work with Sophie Buttle, who's. Who was. Yes, yes. And I worked with Taylor Tomlinson. And Taylor and Sophie are two. I would say, two of the most villainous characters in the book. But that has no relation. I wrote the book before I met them. Okay. I just wanted to get that clear so it's.

[Sam Taggart]

We did not accuse you of that.

[Joe Firestone]

No.

[George Severis]

But I also don't think Sophie is villainous. I think Sophie is just like.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, she seems kind of neutral.

[George Severis]

Yeah. And she's also sort of like. I think, honestly, like, she seems mousy.

[Joe Firestone]

What? Sophie, The Plaza.

[George Severis]

She's sort of like. She doesn't seem to have a lot of people in her life. On a moment's notice, she can go catstead for two weeks. She's, like, clearly wanting human interaction. That's why she keeps texting Luella.

[Sam Taggart]

And to me, it felt like, you know, it felt like family, where it was like, oh, she's mean. Because you're so close.

[George Severis]

Yeah. You think she's mean? Like, really mean.

[Joe Firestone]

Okay, so I guess what's happening here is that you guys are kind of on the literary side.

[George Severis]

Well, obviously.

[Joe Firestone]

And it's becoming clearer to me after my series of texts that you did a deeper read than I thought.

[George Severis]

Well, we're just being respectful.

[Joe Firestone]

What if I told you this was all a text?

[Sam Taggart]

Trying to engage with the text.

[George Severis]

What was all it was writing the book.

[Sam Taggart]

Like a Willy Wonka style thing.

[Joe Firestone]

I am tired of you comparing me to Willy Wonka. That's the last time you're doing it. No more.

[Sam Taggart]

What's no more? Wonkas?

[George Severis]

You don't like being compared to anyone. You don't like being compared to Louella. You don't like being compared to Willy Wonka.

[Joe Firestone]

These are two poor examples. That's like saying, oh, you don't like being compared to that squirrel in the ground. And you don't like being compared to which.

[Sam Taggart]

And you couldn't think of one badass woman that you look up to?

[Joe Firestone]

I thought we moved on from that.

[George Severis]

You couldn't think of one badass woman and you think Sophie, a female character you wrote is a huge C word?

[Joe Firestone]

I never said the C word.

[George Severis]

You said that. I can't repeat it, but you said it.

[Joe Firestone]

I never said the C word. A woman I look up to. Strong. I would have to say. I would have to say Viola Davis.

[George Severis]

Have you met her?

[Joe Firestone]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

Really?

[George Severis]

What's she like?

[Joe Firestone]

She's amazing.

[George Severis]

Where'd you meet her?

[Joe Firestone]

Well, I got a part playing opposite her In TV show.

[George Severis]

What?

[Sam Taggart]

What TV show?

[Joe Firestone]

It's called the First Lady. Okay.

[George Severis]

She plays Michelle Obama.

[Joe Firestone]

Yes. And I was supposed to play a high status character opposite her, and I couldn't really do it. And I got sequestered several times by the director who kept telling me to please do better. And then the director who hates. Famously hates red lipstick, after pulling me aside 10 times to do better, she said, put her in the red lipstick.

[George Severis]

Meaning the red lipstick will elevate your performance.

[Joe Firestone]

That was her last attempt before she just cut me all together, I think. So she said, put her in the red lipstick, and all of them knew what that meant.

[Sam Taggart]

Was she putting you in red lipstick so that she would hate you on screen, so that she could cut you?

[Joe Firestone]

I'm not sure, but it was. It was. It was one of the worst experiences I've yet to have. And yes, I'm including working with you, Salem, and our lunch, George. Okay.

[Sam Taggart]

Interesting.

[George Severis]

So, and. And Viola was kind, lovely on set.

[Joe Firestone]

And she was like, it's okay. So nice.

[Sam Taggart]

That's nice.

[Joe Firestone]

She's really much, much better at almost everything than I am. And she was so nice.

[Sam Taggart]

So I'm curious about this high status thing.

[Joe Firestone]

Yeah.

[George Severis]

Yeah. Who are you playing? I was supposed to play Angela Merkel. Joe, be honest. Were you playing Angela Merkel? Don't lie.

[Joe Firestone]

No, I didn't have the part of Angela Merkel.

[George Severis]

Angela Merkel in a Bold Lip.

[Sam Taggart]

Angela, if she slayed Angel.

[George Severis]

If she slayed. Is Louella Van Horne based on Angela Merkel? If she slayed.

[Joe Firestone]

I don't even know what frame of mind you all are in anymore. Okay.

[Sam Taggart]

Hillary Clinton, how big of a role was this?

[Joe Firestone]

This was one scene. Basically, I was just supposed to be her chief of staff.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, my God, that's big.

[Joe Firestone]

I know. And I was supposed to be, like, dismissive of her being like, I know how to do this. You don't. But it was Viola Davis. So what am I supposed to do? Pretend like acting? I'm not gonna be acting.

[Sam Taggart]

That's not fair. To make you high status against her. That's not fair.

[George Severis]

That is crazy. And to make you high status against A, Viola Davis, B, playing Michelle Obama, that's like two layers of highlights.

[Joe Firestone]

She kept being like, can you stand up straight? Tough.

[Sam Taggart]

That's tough.

[Joe Firestone]

Tough. Because I can't. Turns out. Turns out I can't.

[George Severis]

What was.

[Sam Taggart]

But you nailed the audition.

[Joe Firestone]

No, no, no, I didn't.

[Sam Taggart]

Was your dad directing it?

[George Severis]

J.J. abrams.

[Joe Firestone]

I know you guys think I'm Gracie Abrams, but I'm not okay. I told you this several times, even though I look a sound like her. What's that song she does sing?

[Sam Taggart]

I literally couldn't tell you.

[George Severis]

I know the one from the meme.

[Joe Firestone]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[George Severis]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

[Joe Firestone]

A meme.

[George Severis]

It was a meme.

[Joe Firestone]

Gosh, you guys really do like meme culture.

[George Severis]

How dare you accuse us of liking meme culture. Everything we. Every meme we have been exposed to has been against our will.

[Sam Taggart]

This is one of Joe's big things that she would accuse the room of being obsessed with meme culture.

[George Severis]

But this is classic. It's because you're not on Instagram, so you get none of it. And we, like, get some of the backwash from just, like, residual.

[Sam Taggart]

She has a burner account. It's private and secret.

[George Severis]

Are you the one commenting on all our videos? What?

[Sam Taggart]

And, George, you'll know it's her secret account because it's just Joe Firestone. Okay, but like.

[George Severis]

But with numbers instead of letters.

[Joe Firestone]

You two can go. You guys can go. Why don't you go to dinner? Why don't you take an early break and go to dinner? So, yeah, it was numbers instead of letters. And, yeah, it is my name. And I didn't know that. If you're gonna burn an account, you're supposed to make it different.

[George Severis]

Can I say something, acorn head? I rarely have this sort of, like, childlike FOMO or, like, fear of being left out anymore, but one way in which I. Oh, my God. So unprofessional.

[Sam Taggart]

Jo's headphones just fell clear off her head.

[George Severis]

One of the ways in which I do. Oh, look, I'm holding it with two hands in honor of you.

[Sam Taggart]

People love to go like this.

[Joe Firestone]

Okay, only 10 more presents to wrap. You're almost at the finish line, but first, There, the last one. Enjoy a Coca Cola for a pause that refreshes.

[George Severis]

Listen to your elders, honey. You might know them from their viral videos. But now the old Gay pull back the curtain. On their podcast, Silver Linings with the Old Gays. Brought to you in partnership with iHearts, Ruby Studio and Veeve Healthcare. For a very special bonus episode, hosts Robert, Mick, Bill, and Gisei talk about how pride has evolved over the years and their favorite memories, all in celebration of Palm Springs Pride, because pride should be celebrated all year round. Listen in to these fabulous friends swap stories exploring how queer life has evolved over the decades and the silver linings they've collected along the way. Each episode dives into hot topics, from safe sex and online dating to untangling Gen Z lingo, as well as insights on how music, art and fashion show up in queer culture. So check out Silver Linings, a show about how pride ages like thine wine. Available on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Sam Taggart]

And now Superhuman Shack.

[Shaquille O'Neal]

I keep telling them not to say that. I'm no superhuman. Believe it or not, I struggle with moderate obstructive sleep apnea, or OSA in adults with obesity. Moderate to severe OSA is a condition where breathing is interrupted during sleep with loud snoring, choking, gasping for air, and even daytime fatigue. Let's just say it can sound a lot like this. Sound familiar? Learn more@don'tsleeponosa.com this information is provided by.

[Sam Taggart]

Lilly, a medicine company.

[IBM AI Representative]

So you're telling me that the AI that's meant to make everyone's job easier to manage just adds more to manage? On top of the thousands of apps the IT department already manages? Funny how that works. Any business can add AI. IBM helps you scale and manage AI to change how you do business. Let's create Smile to Business IBM.

[George Severis]

One of the ways in which I have, I don't know, fear of being left out is I have this fear that everyone I know has alt accounts that I don't know about.

[Joe Firestone]

Yes, of course.

[George Severis]

Because occasionally I do learn about one of them.

[Joe Firestone]

Yeah.

[George Severis]

And then I follow and then I'm like, so this has been happening this whole time?

[Joe Firestone]

I know.

[George Severis]

No one told me.

[Joe Firestone]

I know.

[George Severis]

Everyone else is just chatting.

[Joe Firestone]

I know.

[George Severis]

And sometimes, you know, in our community, Joe, those accounts will also have full cock. What are your thoughts about that?

[Joe Firestone]

If you're talking about a chicken, I'm in. If you're talking about the veiny tube.

[George Severis]

The veiny tube.

[Sam Taggart]

Veiny tube. Damn, that's nasty.

[George Severis]

No, that's a really amazing no. Yeah.

[Joe Firestone]

No, Sam texted me the veiny tube.

[Sam Taggart]

That feel in the veiny tube hit. Oh, wow.

[Joe Firestone]

What would you call it?

[Sam Taggart]

He did.

[Joe Firestone]

What do you call it on a day to day basis? You see one on the street, what.

[George Severis]

Do you say it's called if it's on the street? I would say maybe penis or maybe dick.

[Joe Firestone]

But if it's inside a house, like.

[George Severis]

Fucking the house, like a giant veiny tube fucking a house.

[Joe Firestone]

You all need to get your priorities straight. Okay. I'm talking about if it's inside the house.

[George Severis]

Inside my house?

[Joe Firestone]

Sure.

[George Severis]

Is it George's? Is it mine?

[Joe Firestone]

Yeah.

[George Severis]

Again, it's gonna have to go ahead and be context dependent whether it's in or out of the house.

[Joe Firestone]

Okay, whatever. Tube, tube. Tube to go.

[George Severis]

Okay, so I'll have one beanie. Tube to go.

[Sam Taggart]

Tube to go.

[Joe Firestone]

Oh, Sabrina Carpenter.

[George Severis]

No, that's Chapel.

[Joe Firestone]

Oh, my mistake.

[George Severis]

We're recording for a full hour and a half. We don't want to keep you. We don't want to keep you.

[Joe Firestone]

Okay. Amazing how time flies when you're being eviscerated.

[Sam Taggart]

What?

[George Severis]

In your dream of this, you are not being eviscerated. We have been uplifting you this entire time. We've been promoting your book. We've been singing your praises. We're saying you're the funniest person we know. Sam is talking about all the funny things you've been saying that you refuse to believe are funny and you think are professional.

[Sam Taggart]

I didn't even tell him about T Job.

[George Severis]

Jobo, we gave you a platform to talk about acting alongside Viola Davis, an Academy Award winner.

[Joe Firestone]

And I did enjoy that platform.

[George Severis]

Yeah, I do think that story is fake. We'll play along.

[Sam Taggart]

Joe, would you like us to ask any other questions about your book?

[Joe Firestone]

Yeah.

[George Severis]

Yeah. Like, what do you want us to ask?

[Joe Firestone]

Like, maybe, like, what's your. What was your favorite? Like, what has it evolved?

[Sam Taggart]

Okay. What is your favorite. What has it evolved? I don't like it.

[George Severis]

That's a great question, Sam. Joe, what do you think?

[Joe Firestone]

No, I don't like those.

[George Severis]

Feel free to take them one at a time.

[Joe Firestone]

I do not like it when you repeat exactly what I've said.

[George Severis]

What?

[IBM AI Representative]

No.

[Joe Firestone]

I feel as though we are on a playground and you all have a big ball and I am running to it. It.

[George Severis]

Joe, we have one final question. So what's your take?

[Joe Firestone]

Huh? My take?

[George Severis]

100%.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah. What's your take?

[George Severis]

Here's a question for you.

[Joe Firestone]

Yeah.

[George Severis]

What are your three favorite books?

[Sam Taggart]

That's a tough one. We're letterboxd now, but for books.

[George Severis]

Yeah.

[Joe Firestone]

Okay. I really enjoy the Friend by Segur Nunes. Yes.

[George Severis]

Okay.

[Joe Firestone]

But I never remember if the dog dies at the end, so I'm always hesitant to.

[George Severis]

Have you seen the film adaptation with Naomi Watts yet? I haven't either. Oh, my God. We should go together. I'm not even kidding, actually.

[Joe Firestone]

Oh, okay. You didn't say that. That was, like, maybe the meanest thing you've ever. I'm not even joking. And not even being satire that I would spend time with you freak.

[George Severis]

Okay. The friend. What else?

[Sam Taggart]

This is a really hard question.

[Joe Firestone]

I read.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[George Severis]

Thank God we don't have to answer it.

[Sam Taggart]

I literally.

[Joe Firestone]

Okay. I really, like. I really had fun with. With Janice Hallett's the appeal.

[George Severis]

Okay, that's written.

[Joe Firestone]

That's written in emails and text messages.

[Sam Taggart]

Ooh.

[Joe Firestone]

And it's a mystery about a fundraiser gone wrong.

[George Severis]

Oh, my God, I love that. Okay, we're gonna jot that one down.

[Joe Firestone]

That's jotted. Jotted down in a community theater. Oh, that's really.

[George Severis]

Okay, great.

[Joe Firestone]

Okay. And I'll have to say, you know what? I'll put up there. I'll put up there. The Secret History by Donna.

[George Severis]

Donna Tarr. Great book. We both read that.

[Sam Taggart]

We both read that.

[Joe Firestone]

You did? And did you like it?

[George Severis]

Yes, we loved it.

[Joe Firestone]

I had a fun time with it.

[George Severis]

You know, there was an aborted adaptation of it. It was, like, for years, like, in development hell, and then it never happened.

[Joe Firestone]

Really?

[George Severis]

Yeah. Can you see it being so good?

[Sam Taggart]

Yes, Joe. Buy the rights, Joe.

[George Severis]

By the rights.

[Sam Taggart]

Joe. By the rights.

[Joe Firestone]

I actually don't have a job right now, so I'm not really. And I did just spend accidentally 27 on noodle, so I kind of am in a place where I need to conserve kind of what I'm putting out.

[George Severis]

Well, you have to spend money to make money.

[Sam Taggart]

That's so true.

[George Severis]

Go in debt.

[Sam Taggart]

Go in debt, Joe.

[George Severis]

Just go in debt. Go in debt.

[Sam Taggart]

Take out a loan.

[George Severis]

I'll do it with you. Let's go in debt.

[Joe Firestone]

And I'm not even joking. And I'm not even joking.

[Sam Taggart]

To be fair, that time he was joking.

[George Severis]

I was joking, Joe. I'm not gonna go in debt. I'm not like you. I'm not gonna go in debt. I have savings I, like, take. I'm, like, good with money.

[Joe Firestone]

I am nearly 40, and I never have spent an hour and a half like this.

[George Severis]

Spending $27 on noodles, to me is, like, nothing.

[Joe Firestone]

Do you know what, normally. Do you know what normally my podcast appearances are like?

[Sam Taggart]

What?

[Joe Firestone]

Hi, how are you? Good, good. How are you?

[George Severis]

Sounds riveting.

[Sam Taggart]

Hi. Hi. How are you? Good, good. How are you?

[Joe Firestone]

You all. You all. You all deserve. You all deserve a long break with a Roku.

[Sam Taggart]

What? What?

[George Severis]

A long break with a Roku.

[Joe Firestone]

You know what I mean.

[Sam Taggart]

No, not at all. Not even a little.

[George Severis]

Do you mean, like, like, we need.

[Sam Taggart]

To watch some tv?

[George Severis]

To watch some tv? Yeah, maybe in a. Have you been watching the Hunting Wives?

[Joe Firestone]

I thought you were gonna ask about Gilded Age.

[George Severis]

I would never. I already know you watch the Gilded Age.

[Joe Firestone]

No, I don't watch the Hunting Wives.

[George Severis]

You should watch.

[Joe Firestone]

I heard it was too sexual.

[George Severis]

Oh, yeah. You're not gonna like that.

[Joe Firestone]

I don't like. I Don't like simulated sexual.

[George Severis]

There was both. And suck in that show.

[Joe Firestone]

I can't watch it. I like it when it's implied with the sheet. With the sheet up here covering the nipples.

[Sam Taggart]

Joe, you don't like sex and things scare you easily. Right. Like you don't like scary.

[Joe Firestone]

If. If you said those sentences to anyone else, they would go out of their way to kill you.

[George Severis]

You know, your mind always goes to murder. No one would kill you if you ask them if they like sex or not.

[Joe Firestone]

No, he says, you don't like sex and you scare easy. Like, honestly. Like, honestly. That's how I'm supposed to walk around. I'm trying to promote a book, and you're going off saying explicit sentences. You don't like sex and you scare easy.

[George Severis]

Well, I think what Sam is leading to is it's interesting.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah. That you wrote a book focusing on sex and murder.

[George Severis]

Yeah. Sex and violence.

[Joe Firestone]

Well, I'm glad that both of you.

[Sam Taggart]

Find that interesting, but it's important to scare ourselves.

[George Severis]

Were you scared writing the book? Were you like.

[Shaquille O'Neal]

Yeah.

[Sam Taggart]

Were you like, eee.

[George Severis]

Especially when it's so giant in the calendar letters.

[Sam Taggart]

Your baby shoes were quaking.

[George Severis]

Couldn't even get on top of those stairs to escape. Big back going left and right.

[Shaquille O'Neal]

Well.

[Joe Firestone]

I can't believe I went to Dumbo for this.

[George Severis]

I want to say we've been. We could talk to you for hours, and you're welcome to stay. We're trying to wrap it up for your sake, because we want to be respectful of your time.

[Joe Firestone]

Well, obviously.

[Sam Taggart]

But it's hard to wrap it up. I'm feeling. I'm struggling to find an end point.

[Joe Firestone]

Okay, I'll give you an end point.

[Sam Taggart]

Oh, okay. Well, you're good at the end. It's what you do first.

[George Severis]

Oh, but that's a good point. And after. After you do that, we can just riff.

[Sam Taggart]

Joe, what's the end?

[Joe Firestone]

Okay, so you guys could say something like, oh, I didn't know my hair was this. Okay, so basically, you guys could. Okay, you guys could say something like, oh, I didn't realize what it took to write a book. And to be so. And to be into and to get out, to get on the same level. Let's just say something that we want to do. That's a big goal of ours.

[George Severis]

Okay, okay. Okay. So we can both say, oh, I didn't know how hard it was to write a book. And so to get on the same level. Let us all say something that is a goal of ours.

[Joe Firestone]

George, you are not doing A self tape for the role of me. Okay.

[George Severis]

Sorry. I was doing a self tape for the role of Michelle Obama's chief of staff and I think I absolutely nailed it. You booked down.

[Sam Taggart]

Get him some red lips.

[George Severis]

J.J. abrams is. Okay, so what is a goal of ours? We're talking short term, medium term or long term?

[Joe Firestone]

Long term. Oh my gosh, I am stuck to the chair.

[George Severis]

Long term goal. Okay.

[Sam Taggart]

I didn't realize how hard it was to write a book. I'm so impressed that you have put pen to paper and really done it. First self published, you said. I won't take no for an answer. I'm self publishing. And then eventually they did say yes and real published. That is really beautiful. And I hope to put myself out there in the long term and short term forever and ever. Amen.

[George Severis]

Amen. Joe, you are quite literally one of my role models.

[Sam Taggart]

Joe, you're the funniest person on earth.

[Joe Firestone]

You guys are just saying that because I'm 20 years older than you.

[George Severis]

We are not saying that. Even if you were 12 years old, I would say, fuck, I am behind because that 12 year old is really funny and talented.

[Joe Firestone]

Do you know what would be wonderful? Is to not to go back at some point. I would say that maybe when I. By the time I was 18 or so before, when I was 17, I had. I. I just took. I took a hormonal birth control that it made.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah, keep going, please keep going.

[George Severis]

This is how I hoped this episode would end. Thank you for bringing it up, by the way, because it's been the elephant in the room the whole time.

[Sam Taggart]

So when I was 17, you took a hormonal birth control.

[George Severis]

So far so good.

[Joe Firestone]

It made my breast grow long.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay.

[Joe Firestone]

And I just think about when I was 12.

[George Severis]

Forward or down?

[Joe Firestone]

Both.

[George Severis]

Oh, well, that's not long then. That's just big.

[Joe Firestone]

No, no, no, no, no, no. Trust me. Okay, so then. So basically. And then ever since then and the rest of my body has changed, but they stay long and you know, it.

[Sam Taggart]

Was because of the hormonal birth control.

[Joe Firestone]

Yeah. But I think about when I was 12, I didn't have this.

[Sam Taggart]

Are you sure it wasn't just puberty, right?

[Joe Firestone]

No, I don't go through puberty at age 17.

[Sam Taggart]

Sure.

[George Severis]

Oh, so 12 to 17, normal boobs. Yes, starting 17 long.

[Sam Taggart]

Interesting.

[George Severis]

Is that what you're saying?

[Joe Firestone]

Yes.

[George Severis]

I have to say this. You're putting us in a trap. Because for us to either debunk or agree with this, we would have to ogle at your body and comment on it. Which I.

[Sam Taggart]

Complicated. If I were to deflect, I would just say, what? And we know I'm not allowed to do that.

[George Severis]

Yeah.

[Joe Firestone]

Strap in to summer camp because you're about. You don't need to debunk. You need to get pre bunk.

[George Severis]

Pre bunk? Is that the same as precom or. No.

[Sam Taggart]

So you're raising awareness for birth control and changing people's boobs.

[Joe Firestone]

Can I tell you something? I try to do cowl backs like you will.

[Sam Taggart]

Callbacks. Callbacks.

[George Severis]

No cowlbacks.

[Sam Taggart]

I literally was like, what is she. Oh, got it. It's no cowlbacks.

[George Severis]

We'll have two cowlback shots.

[Joe Firestone]

I tried to do callbacks like you all. Okay, I know you guys have been doing callbacks.

[George Severis]

I guess my question is, what is the long boobs calling back to? Because to me, it seems like an entirely new joke.

[Sam Taggart]

I know we're trying to end and you're bringing up a new thing, so.

[George Severis]

Now we suddenly have to do long boobs.

[Joe Firestone]

No, no. I was trying to do a callback.

[George Severis]

2.

[Sam Taggart]

2.

[Joe Firestone]

I'm not sure I did.

[George Severis]

So you thought, let me start this story about long boobs and hopefully it'll lead somewhere that is actually a thing we've already said.

[Joe Firestone]

Improv is so hard. I just wish I could watch it.

[George Severis]

Oh, yeah, everyone wishes they could watch improv. If only we could all just watch improv, the world would be so much easier.

[Joe Firestone]

It's just like you all kind of have your own little thing, and you're all starting sentences together. You're doing callbacks, and I just think that it's. Oh, is this supposed to be a toothbrush? No, basically. Basically, I just think that it's really impressive what you guys do.

[George Severis]

Thank you.

[Sam Taggart]

Thank you, Joe. We think you are so impressive.

[George Severis]

We literally.

[Sam Taggart]

You're the funniest person on earth.

[George Severis]

You are. It's true. We talk about it all the time.

[Joe Firestone]

What's this supposed to be like?

[Sam Taggart]

Little tubes. Think of it like, you know, you might call it a cock.

[George Severis]

Yeah, they're like veiny tubes. The old veiny tube.

[Sam Taggart]

Everyone go buy Murder on Sex Island. It's an amazing late summer read or early fall read.

[Joe Firestone]

Is that your chest? Or two veiny tubes.

[George Severis]

Okay, I get it. I get it.

[Sam Taggart]

You did it. I get it.

[George Severis]

Good job, Jo.

[Joe Firestone]

I never want anyone to look at me the way you just did.

[George Severis]

In my defense, what happened is. It doesn't matter.

[Joe Firestone]

Can I take this home?

[George Severis]

Yes, of course. It's for you, Joe Sam.

[Joe Firestone]

Enjoy 9:00am because it.

[Sam Taggart]

Because of the time difference yeah.

[George Severis]

Okay. It's not a seven hour time difference.

[Sam Taggart]

That was a New York first LA joke. Everyone, I'm in la, so the time is different.

[George Severis]

Joe, we love you.

[Joe Firestone]

Yeah, I love you too, Joe.

[Sam Taggart]

You're the greatest there ever was.

[George Severis]

You are literally the greatest there ever was. And I have to say, I'm so happy you're back in New York.

[Joe Firestone]

Yeah, thanks.

[Sam Taggart]

Yeah.

[Joe Firestone]

Yeah.

[George Severis]

And if I were to choose between suck and fuck, I would say whichever one's the best one. That's the one I would choose for you. I'm confused about which one you prefer.

[Sam Taggart]

I think her preference was quite clear in the original reading of which is.

[George Severis]

Yeah, okay.

[Joe Firestone]

No, I prefer if you're going to have a candy, I'd rather suck it than it.

[George Severis]

Well, I didn't know candy was involved.

[Sam Taggart]

We have to end. This is crazy.

[George Severis]

Okay, goodbye.

[Sam Taggart]

Okay, goodbye.

[George Severis]

Podcast ends now. Want more? Subscribe to our Patreon for two extra episodes a month, Discord Access and more by heading to patreon.com Stradiolab and for.

[Sam Taggart]

All our visual learners. Free full length video episodes are available on our YouTube.

[George Severis]

Now get back to work.

[Sam Taggart]

Stradiolab is a Production by Will Ferrell's Big Money Players Network and iHeart Podcasts.

[George Severis]

Created and hosted by George Severis and.

[Sam Taggart]

Sam Taggart, executive produced by Will Ferrell Hansani and Olivia Aguilar co produced by Bay Wang Edited and engineered by Adam.

[George Severis]

Avalos Artwork by Michael Fails and Matt.

[Sam Taggart]

Grubb Theme music by Ben Kling. And now Superhuman Shack.

[Shaquille O'Neal]

I keep telling them not to say that. I'm no superhuman. Believe it or not, I struggle with moderate obstructive sleep apnea, or osa in adults with obesity. Moderate to severe OSA is a condition where breathing is interrupted during sleep with loud snoring, choking, gasping for air and even daytime fatigue. Let's just say it could sound a lot like this. Sound familiar? Learn more@don'tsleeponosa.com this information is provided by.

[Sam Taggart]

Lilly, a medicine company.

[Joe Firestone]

Did you know that parents rank teaching financial literacy as the toughest life skill? That's where Green Light comes in. The debit card and money app made for families with greenlight. You can send money to kids quickly, set up chores automate allowance and track.

[George Severis]

Spending with real time notifications.

[Joe Firestone]

Kids learn how to earn, save and spend responsibly while parents have peace of mind knowing smart money habits are being built with guardrails in place. Try Greenlight Risk free [e-mail] iheartra that's greenlight.com iheart this time of year, most.

[George Severis]

Of us are checking off our holiday gift lists. But identity thieves have lists too, and your personal information might be on them. Protect your identity with LifeLock. LifeLock monitors millions of data points every second and alerts you to threats you could miss if your identity is stolen. Lifelock will fix it, guaranteed, or your money back. Make this season about just not identity theft. With Lifelock, save up to 40% your first [e-mail] iheart terms apply.

[Joe Firestone]

10 athletes will face the toughest job interview in fitness that will push past physical and mental breaking points. You are the fittest of the fit. Only one of you will leave here with an IFIT contract for two hundred and fifty thousand dollars. This is where mindset comes in.

[George Severis]

Someone will be eliminated.

[Joe Firestone]

Pressure is coming down.

[Sam Taggart]

Trainer Games on Prime Video January 8th. Watch the trailer on trainergames. Com.

[Joe Firestone]

This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.