Strangers on a Bench: Episode 21 – "I Want to Be Un-Unique"

Host: Tom Rosenthal
Guest: Anonymous Stranger
Release Date: February 3, 2025

In Episode 21 of "Strangers on a Bench," titled "I Want to Be Un-Unique," host Tom Rosenthal engages in a profound and introspective conversation with an anonymous stranger. Over the course of their encounter, they delve into themes of identity, belonging, personal history, and the quest for ordinariness amidst life's complexities.

1. Favorite Days and Ideal Days (00:04 - 02:02)

The conversation begins with Tom approaching on a typical London park bench. He asks the guest about their favorite days of the week, to which the guest responds:

"I think I like the days that I work because I don't work in a location every day of the week, so I kind of like those days. And Fridays are good as well. Friday, it's a safe Friday." [00:52]

When prompted to imagine an ideal day off, the guest envisions:

"I would get out early if I could and maybe I would go to the Thames Estuary and take a long walk... have some seafood at Leon Sea... and love the cinema. So I would maybe then try to nip back and go to the BFI to round it all off with something in the cinema." [01:19]

This paints a picture of a day filled with nature, good food, and cultural experiences.

2. Connection to the Thames and Family History (02:02 - 05:35)

Tom inquires about the guest's feelings towards the Thames, leading to a heartfelt reflection:

"I feel like it's in my DNA." [02:06]

The guest elaborates on their deep-rooted connection to the Thames Estuary, intertwining it with familial ties:

"My family had a caravan there... it's a very particular landscape. It's natural and totally artificial... It makes me feel very connected to the landscape. It makes me feel like I belong somewhere." [02:14]

They delve into their mother's elusive family history, uncovering a narrative of possible Roma heritage and the challenges in tracing their lineage. Despite feeling overwhelmed by the extensive research, the guest appreciates the bond formed with their father-in-law through this exploration.

3. Reflections on Past Relationships and Personal Growth (05:35 - 08:59)

The conversation takes a personal turn as the guest discusses a past relationship's dissolution. Expressing sadness and introspection, they offer valuable advice on handling criticism and managing expectations in relationships:

"If somebody tells you the way they feel... it doesn't necessarily mean that's a criticism... Ideally you would try to come to some agreement with that person about how your behavior won't affect them so much." [07:16]

Additionally, the guest cautions against overestimating one's capacity for change in the early stages of love, highlighting their own experience of being overly optimistic and the subsequent need to extricate from the relationship.

4. Pursuit of Ordinariness and Reflection on Uniqueness (09:10 - 12:13)

When asked about routines and unique behaviors, the guest intriguingly declares:

"No, absolutely not. I'm utterly unique. I strive to be ordinary. That would be my ambition in life." [10:10]

They contrast their past desires of standing out and seeking fame with a newfound aspiration to blend in and lead an unexceptional life. This shift is further illustrated when discussing the hypothetical scenario of performing at Wembley Stadium, emphasizing the challenges their band, composed of members with learning disabilities and autism, would face in such a spotlight.

5. Autism Diagnosis and Coping Mechanisms (14:10 - 18:28)

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to the guest's late diagnosis of autism, which they received the previous year. They reflect on the impact of this diagnosis on their self-perception and life:

"I did feel very sorry for that young boy who suffered so much. But I was glad in a way that I got the diagnosis when I did." [15:15]

The guest shares insightful perspectives on living with autism, describing heightened sensory experiences and the development of coping mechanisms that may appear obsessive but are essential for their well-being. An example includes meticulously booking cinema tickets to watch films in order and chronological order, showcasing a structured approach to leisure activities.

6. Personal Insights and Life Lessons (19:27 - 22:20)

Engaging in deeper self-reflection, the guest contemplates the profound question:

"What do you really want?" [19:27]

Though they acknowledge not having a definitive answer, they express desires for connection, purpose, and belonging within the community. Additionally, they recount a vivid childhood memory of witnessing a near lightning strike, which instilled in them an awareness of life's unpredictability and the realization that while powerful events can occur unexpectedly, their personal impact is often limited.

7. Final Reflections and Future Plans (22:20 - End)

As the conversation approaches its conclusion, the guest humorously addresses the interruption caused by their fictional "Hollywood" call, maintaining their desire to keep their life ordinary. They conclude with a pragmatic approach to life's challenges:

"I'm going to keep on keeping on because that's all we can do, really, any of us can do." [22:46]

Notable Quotes

• "I feel like it's in my DNA." [02:06]
  Referring to the deep connection with the Thames Estuary.

• "I'm utterly unique. I strive to be ordinary. That would be my ambition in life." [10:10]
  Expressing the desire to blend in rather than stand out.

• "What do you really want?" [19:27]
  A profound question prompting introspection on personal desires.

• "I'm going to keep on keeping on because that's all we can do, really, any of us can do." [22:46]
  Emphasizing resilience in the face of life's challenges.

Conclusion

Episode 21 of "Strangers on a Bench" offers listeners an intimate glimpse into the life of an individual striving for normalcy while navigating the complexities of personal history and neurodiversity. Through honest dialogue and heartfelt reflections, Tom Rosenthal and his guest explore universal themes of belonging, self-acceptance, and the pursuit of a meaningful life.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.