← Strangers on a Bench
Strangers on a Bench
EPISODE 1: A Fight
00:30:33
Tom Rosenthal talks to strangers on park benches, often leading to surprising revelations.
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Transcript148 lines
- [00:04]
Host
Hello. Sorry to bother you. Can I ask you a slightly odd question? I'm making a podcast called Strangers on a Bench, where essentially I talk to people I don't know on benches for 10 or 15 minutes. Are you up for that? Do you want to give it a go? Is there a day of the week that you favor?
- [00:49]
Jordan
No.
- [00:50]
Host
So does that mean you kind of just spring out of bed in the morning, you feel good about your life?
- [00:56]
Jordan
Most days I try to, yeah. Most days I try to come out of bed and feel the best. I mean, obviously, depending on what happens the night before and what's going on in that period of time in my life, I guess it can waver. But, I mean, most days you're grateful to be seeing the light of day the next day. So. Yeah, it's nice.
- [01:12]
Host
I had someone, which I interviewed for this every day. As soon as they got up, they just said, thank you, which I really like.
- [01:19]
Jordan
That's beautiful.
- [01:20]
Host
As a way to start the day, this seems like a lovely thing to do.
- [01:22]
Jordan
Right.
- [01:24]
Host
What are you most excited about at the moment?
- [01:27]
Jordan
Probably I'd say it's basketball. Again, I'm a big basketball player, and I've recently kind of got back into it. I've been playing every day for the past two weeks now, and that was like, you know, as a teenager, that was probably my biggest passion. So I tried to follow that dream and got injured. I wanted to go to America to play, you know, in the NBA professionally. And ironically enough, I was voted in my yearbook, you know, most likely to go to the NBA, but it never happened. This bird's been trying to court this lady. He's been trying to court every lady. He's like. I just noticed him because he's the biggest Bird. He's got the biggest, like.
- [01:59]
Host
Yeah, he's puffing out.
- [02:00]
Jordan
Yeah. Yeah. But, yeah, So I really wanted to go to play professionally in America, but it didn't happen. So kind of just gave that dream up, to be fair.
- [02:09]
Host
Tell me about, like, what is, to you, like, the beauty of basketball?
- [02:15]
Jordan
Well, I don't know. So there's a saying that, like, it's a big saying in the basketball community. Ball is life, quote, unquote. It's like, a weird philosophy to adopt, but, like, everyone that I've known that's, like, taking basketball seriously has adopted that saying, and, like, it kind of embodies what basketball is for. Like, a real basketball player or a person that. Yeah, a person that plays. A person that enjoys it, watching it. I don't know. I think first of all, like in playing it, it's a very intense game. I've read a lot of Eastern philosophy in my time and I like samurais and stuff and I kind of like relate a basketball match to like a samurai fight, like a duel. It doesn't have to be serious, but I mean if you want to take it serious, it can be really competitive, it can be really engaging and I find that super rewarding maybe because my dad also played it when he was younger and I maybe wanted to emulate a bit of what I'd heard about him because I never really met my dad. So I really wanted to like, you know, just maybe that was a bit of it. I don't know.
- [03:12]
Host
Can I ask you a question about your dad?
- [03:13]
Jordan
Yeah, sure. Yeah, sure.
- [03:15]
Host
So you haven't met him?
- [03:16]
Jordan
No, he went to prison when I was like three months old. Yeah, he went to prison early in my life so I have no memories at all. What pictures.
- [03:24]
Host
And do you know anything about his whereabouts now?
- [03:27]
Jordan
No. I think apparently what happened was I got section probably 2020 and apparently before I got section he called me and I was just not trying to pick up his calls. I was just like to all my family members that were telling me like, you know, your dad's calling you, etc, I was just like berating him to them and just saying, you know, I want no contact with them. And yeah, that being said, like, I also now have been to person myself and like I've recently come out like three months ago now. Yeah, I was there for a year and two months and yeah, I've kind of just like. I don't know, that gave me a new kind of perspective on just appreciation for things, gratitude for things. So like, I think at that time I was very like hurt by, you know, the fact that I didn't have an opportunity to get to know him as a kid. So I think I kind of took that out on him in that moment by not wanting to build a relationship with him. But since coming out and since even inside I said to myself, you know, I need to kind of take every aspect of life that I can grasp and just be grateful for and take it like, you know, with gratitude and love and acceptance and stuff.
- [04:29]
Host
So is there any chance to see him?
- [04:32]
Jordan
Yeah, I'm sure there is. I mean, I don't have his contact details. I think my mum does. At one point I probably could reach out to him and I do plan on hopefully. I'm just trying to at this point just kind of like, you know, level myself out and Ground myself and kind of, like, figure out what I'm doing for myself before I then pursue relations with other people. Because that's a big deal to me.
- [04:52]
Host
I often think so. I've got a couple of daughters.
- [04:55]
Jordan
Yeah, that's beautiful.
- [04:57]
Host
And it's hard sometimes to, you know, you think, how do you change someone? There's a fascinating thing, like, when does someone change? And there's a great quote from Nietzsche about, like, if you want to change a man, you've got to start with his grandmother.
- [05:16]
Jordan
Okay.
- [05:17]
Host
Because it goes so far back.
- [05:19]
Jordan
Yeah, yeah.
- [05:20]
Host
And it's so interesting. You're saying, you know, your father was in prison.
- [05:22]
Jordan
Yeah.
- [05:23]
Host
And then you've been to prison.
- [05:24]
Jordan
My older brother's apparently in prison now, and I haven't. I've only met my older brother once. So, like, yeah, family.
- [05:30]
Host
So basically, at some point, someone's got to break the chain.
- [05:33]
Jordan
Yeah, yeah.
- [05:34]
Host
And I often think about that, like, these. These, you know, these various events happen, and then someone's got to just find a way to, like, stop that carrying on.
- [05:44]
Jordan
I hope that. I hope and pray that that can be like my kids, to be fair, because, like, I do not want them to see that, that part of society, that part of, like, life. Like, people in there telling me that, like, you know, this is a life for no one, and 100%, it's not a life for anyone. It's not like, I mean, who wouldn't want to be in a park, just sit down, free, being able to do what they want to do.
- [06:20]
Host
Do you mind me asking what. What prism is like for you?
- [06:24]
Jordan
So when I got out, I think two days later, I went to see my grandparents in Birmingham. And, like, I remember just crying the whole time. Going there on the motorway where my mom was drive me there, I was crying. And, yeah, I was playing my baby cousin while I was there. I couldn't stop crying. I don't know. It was super hard. My granddad said to me afterwards a couple weeks later that when he called me up, he just said, when I saw you last time, it looked like you'd been through some shit. But I think it was just the contrast of being free, having that time spent in there. It was a lot to bear. It was a lot to comprehend. And, like I said, I've been out for three months. I'm still kind of trying to get used to it. I'm still trying to really just understand what, like, you know, what it means to be free, what it means to be liberated. I'd say, like, I don't know, I think the stigma about prison, and I've said this to loads of people, the stigma about prison is that it's full of like, tough people. And I saw this great quote when I was in that said, you know, just because you've done bad things doesn't mean you're a bad person. That stuck with me when I was in there because I was like, yo, like, that's really true. Like, I mean, what makes someone a better person at one point than they were at another point inside? It was like everyone in there besides your 1, 2, like kind of cunts, really, everyone in there was really uplifting, really, like, you know, supportive of each other because like, no one wants to be here. And people in prison, they don't make anyone's time harder. And I think that is like a beautiful thing for me to realize that, like, you know, that I kind of want to carry on outside. It's hard to do outside though because, like, I find that outside of prison, like, people are ignorant and like, I mean, ignorance is blissful, but like, it's blissful to the person practicing the ignorance and it's not blissful to everyone else. I mean, we all practice ignorance to be fair.
- [08:06]
Host
So what was a typical day like for you there?
- [08:11]
Jordan
Okay, so the last prison I was in, I was in Leicester. I think it's like the most new prison in the country, to be fair. And it was single cell. So you're by yourself in a cell. It's tiny room, kind of like a college dormitory or something like that. You want a telly, You've got a kettle. They're the things they supply you with. I had a shower myself, so I didn't have to actually go outside myself to shower. They open your doors at 7:30? No. Yeah, 7:30 I'd be awake from before they've opened the door. So I wake up pretty early and yeah, I'm outside first thing really, trying to socialize, trying to connect with people. And most time everyone's sleeping still. So, you know, I'm just there just like kind of doing my daily tasks, I guess. Like, you know, I might. Let's say I've got some washing to do. Like I'm. I'm like, you know how you've just saw me today? I play my music. I'm that person that 24, 7. No matter what I'm doing, either headphones or out loud, music's always around me. It really calms me the fuck down. So like, yeah, I'm. Let's say 8:30 now, you can go to your activities in the prison and whatnot. I was doing an art class in the afternoon and I was also doing a music course, like a music production course in the mornings. Come back to the wing, eat my lunch, get banged up again for another hour and you come out maybe 1:30, then back to the course, you come back to the wing at maybe five. That's to do like roll check to make sure everyone's in and you come out, you get your dinner and then you're out from dinner time until maybe like 7:15. And then 7:15, end of the day, you're banged up until the next morning. And that was basically a day. But like I, like I said, it's for the most part I was trying to socialize as much as possible, really listen to music as much as possible, just enjoy myself as much as possible, uplift people as much as possible, be uplifted as much as possible, learn as much as possible. Yeah, time though. Yeah. I mean, and that, like I said that in terms of like prison, like I was in South London and prison, South London before I got there and that was similar. It was double cell. So like just sharing a space with someone now and that, that in itself is daunting because this isn't something that, you know, this isn't something that you've ever met before. This is someone that you have to, you know, accept and you have to hope that accepts you and you know, you have to consider and whatnot. And like there's one tv. Yeah. And like, you know, you can't figure.
- [10:31]
Host
So you gotta compromise. You've got to figure out who was this person. I mean, I don't say any names, anything, but what were they like?
- [10:37]
Jordan
So my last cellmate, he was an older gentleman. He was a lovely guy. He was in his early 50s. He done a longer time than me, so I think he'd done like three years in there. And that was his first time in prison as well. So like he was used to it and stuff. And like he had 10 kids and like he would ring his misses every night at 7:00. Yeah, he was just lovely though. He was really supportive with this.
- [10:58]
Host
This guy.
- [10:59]
Jordan
Yeah.
- [10:59]
Host
Did you have any kind of, I'm guessing, you know, you're spending so much time together. Right. Like, did you develop any kind of rituals between the two of you?
- [11:07]
Jordan
Yeah, yeah. In this prison I was at, you would get banged up at six as soon as we banged up for Channel four. Simpsons. I'd watch Simpsons. I've got little like Bar Simpsons on My neck tattoos. I would watch Simpsons all the time and he was like, for a lack of a better term, a homebody. So, like, he didn't want to engage with anyone. He just said, like, you know what, their vibrations, their like energy is just. It fucking depresses me. It's like I don't want to be around it. So he would stay in the cell and sometimes I'd be out the cell and I'd come back in now full bang up and like he would already have the Simpsons on and like, yeah, that is like a nice routine going.
- [11:40]
Host
Would you like to keep in touch anymore? Do you feel like once you've left prison, it's like there's no. I mean, you feel like you're. You want to distance yourself from everything in there 100%.
- [11:49]
Jordan
100%? 100%. I would have kept in touch with him because he did like, you know, we spoke about keeping in touch, but I got moved prison. So like he was working in the kitchen at that point and like they just come to my door in the morning and said, like, you know, you're going to Leicester. I was like, I can't even tell him. Say bye to him and stuff. So I just wrote him a note and just like put my number in the note and I don't know if he's got it. I don't know if he's going to reach out to me.
- [12:11]
Host
What did the night say?
- [12:12]
Jordan
Like I said just being grateful for like, him and his graciousness. Like, he was super lovely. So I was just trying to like, you know, show him appreciation.
- [12:22]
Max
Max. Max. Maxi. Maxi, come back, please.
- [12:36]
Host
Can I ask what you did to get into a fight? Went to a fight.
- [12:41]
Jordan
Gbh.
- [12:42]
Host
Can you tell me about the fight?
- [12:44]
Jordan
Yes. It was about girls. It was about a girl, my girlfriend at the time. Yeah, she was like messing with someone and I basically turned up her house and seen her with the person I'd assume she was messing with and like, I kind of just flipped out and gone to fight with them.
- [12:59]
Host
So before this you were together? Yeah, for five years. Oh, for five years. That's quite me.
- [13:04]
Jordan
And then she moved out. She lived me again, then she moved out again. And it's very up and down. It was stupid. Yeah.
- [13:10]
Host
And yeah, like, like how often do you think about, like that moment?
- [13:17]
Jordan
Like, what's the kind of super. All the time. I mean, not, not necessarily the moment more the relationship. Because I don't want to dwell on the negative, but I think about like, you know, just for the most part, it Was one night she was gonna come over to my house. She didn't come over. I went over to her house now and then. Yeah. Like, it was just that one decision. I thought, like, you know, if I didn't actually go there, maybe I wouldn't have been arrested, maybe I wouldn't have been in prison and like, maybe my life would be completely different. Maybe we'll still be together. Probably not. But like, I don't know. Like just that. Yeah. Yeah.
- [13:46]
Host
What would happen if you saw him again?
- [13:48]
Jordan
I'd probably apologize. Like, I'd want to extend my condolences for how I've treated him and, you know, for my actions that night, because that was. He. He didn't deserve that. No one deserves that.
- [14:08]
Host
So you're. You're now focused on making some dosh?
- [14:12]
Jordan
Yeah. Really?
- [14:13]
Host
And how you going to do it?
- [14:14]
Jordan
No idea, man. No idea. No idea. That. That's the. That's the. The bane of 2024 living. I hate the fact that to survive you have to really engage in this kind of like, lifestyle of going to work and who's made this rule that you need to go to work, to fucking eat and drink and have shelter? Like, it's really absurd to me. Like, it is mad. It's absurd really. But it's the facts of life at this point.
- [14:40]
Host
Yeah. Have you got any idea what if you could start something up? What would you start up of your own accord?
- [14:46]
Jordan
To finance the financial benefit? Myself.
- [14:49]
Host
Yeah.
- [14:50]
Jordan
Well, I've been making music now for probably three years. Let's say two years. Three years. And I think I've made like, you know, five pound from it. Ever.
- [14:59]
Host
Probably survived more than nothing.
- [15:01]
Jordan
Yeah. 100. And like, when you start a venture like that, it's not really about the monetary gain that you can get from it. I'd make multiple songs a day just because I was passionate about music. And for me, it would have to be music. Recently I've kind of fell out of love with creating music though, I think.
- [15:18]
Host
Why?
- [15:19]
Jordan
I don't know, man. Like, I'm. I'm trying to grasp it. I've been trying to grasp it for the past couple weeks. I sold my sampler. Now my sampler was like a few thousand pound sampler. I sold it just because I need to survive. I think I can't really allow myself to sit down and focus on enjoyment. I think I have to be strict with myself and say to myself, okay, even if you do a mundane job for the time being at least, then once I do find that I'm Comfortable and sustainable in, like, you know, how I'm living, then I can, you know, maybe go back to it, you know, enjoy it.
- [15:52]
Host
You sing as well?
- [15:53]
Jordan
No, no, no, I write poetry, but like, I have never tried to incorporate any poetry into any of my beats and stuff. Yeah, that's what interesting.
- [16:01]
Host
I mean, what I would say is, I think if you do poetry. Yeah, you've got these two forces, so you've got the poetry and you've got the music. It sounds like they've got to come together. Yeah, that's kind of. That's kind of how great songs work on the whole.
- [16:17]
Jordan
Yeah, yeah, I know.
- [16:18]
Host
Not always, but it's a good start.
- [16:20]
Jordan
Yeah. No, no, no doubt. Definitely. It's just scary for me. That is scary for me. Just because I feel like I don't want to be misunderstood, I guess.
- [16:28]
Host
Yeah. But also, you know, you've. You've experienced some, like, really potent things.
- [16:32]
Jordan
Yeah, for sure.
- [16:33]
Host
A lot of people haven't. And you yourself have been tested emotionally more than so much more than the average person.
- [16:41]
Jordan
Right.
- [16:41]
Host
Especially at your age. So it's like. So you've got a lot to say. So I would say, like, you know, there's some. There's a lot you could do for other people in that as well. Like, it's not.
- [16:51]
Jordan
Thank you.
- [16:51]
Host
You know, and it's just about like jumping, I suppose.
- [16:55]
Jordan
Maybe. Maybe one day. Maybe one day. Maybe one day.
- [16:58]
Host
I definitely think you should do it.
- [16:59]
Jordan
Yeah. Thank you.
- [17:00]
Host
Is there anything I could do to encourage you further?
- [17:03]
Jordan
No, it was been lovely, like, I mean, it's been very affirming. Like, I want to write a book, to be fair with you. That's probably going to be my magnus opus, hopefully. To write a book. Yeah. Maybe in the interim I'll make some songs and rhyme of them or whatever.
- [17:28]
Host
So the book, if you want to write a book. What's the. Who's. What's the book that.
- [17:32]
Jordan
I don't know. So I've got notebooks, finished, multiple notebooks of just ranting about, like, you know, like you said, the experiences I've had, really. And like, how it's affected me, what I think about it. I think for me, the book is kind of going to be about society in like the modern day, how that is affecting people and how that has affected me and like, what my experiences basically is what I'm trying to do.
- [17:55]
Host
A lot of people I talked to so far, what seems to be like such a common thread that's come up is like, where is it all going? So Wrong. If I ask you say, where we all going? A bit wrong. Especially in terms of young people, which you are, what would you say?
- [18:12]
Jordan
So this is kind of a big thing for me, I guess, in terms of, like, I don't really get on with a lot of young people. I mean, people my age for the most part, like teenagers and young people, there's this weird, like, ideology that you have to kind of be super strong. I guess strong you can use is synonymous with hard or whatever. But, like, a lot of kids kind of have this ideology that they have to be tough. I think that's bullshit. I think you should be vulnerable. You should be taught to be vulnerable, that you should accept people's vulnerability. Like this online culture. Like, I grew up in, like, you know, the midst of online becoming, like, popular. Like, when I was a kid, kid, there wasn't any social media. But now every kid has it. Every fucking adult has it. Everyone's on it, everyone's, you know, engaging with it. And even now, like, there's a. There's a school outside of where I live. And like, it says, like, I was so amazed when I saw this. It made me laugh because I think it's absurd that they even got to put this. But there's a sign outside the school that has, like, it's for parents. And it says, like, please, when you're picking up your kids, don't go on your phones. I'm just thinking, like, the fact that you've got to tell adults this. Like, you know, adults with kids not to go on their phone, like, when they're picking up their kids, it's crazy. And I told my mom about it and she said that that was a thing. Like, they didn't have that when I was in school. That's crazy, though. It's really. It's really weird, the trajectory.
- [19:34]
Host
What is your relationship with your mother? Like?
- [19:37]
Jordan
It's really weird because it's like, I'm a real mother's boy. But at the same time, she kicked me out when I was 18 for smoking weed. I started smoking weed when I was, let's say, 14. Like, I probably started properly smoking weed when I was 16. So, like, most days, I guess she just didn't think it was good for me and just didn't agree with me doing that and said, you know what? If you're going to be destructive to yourself, I'm not going to be a part of it, I guess. And, yeah, she kicked me out when I was like, 18. So just before the new year, when I was turning 19 the next year, she'd kick me out and I had to go to a hostel and live by myself and whatnot. And I lived in hostel for maybe two years. And then I got my flat in like my estate where I grew up actually. So my mom lives down the road from me. So, like, I literally. I came from my house just now, to be fair. So it's really weird. It's a weird dynamic because, like, I feel really hurt by her and abandoned, I guess. But at the same time, like, I'm very grateful as well because I wouldn't be here talking to you, wouldn't be here enjoying life and like everything if that didn't happen.
- [20:43]
Host
So how did you kind of fix it?
- [20:46]
Jordan
Fixed, like the relationship?
- [20:47]
Host
Yeah, it didn't. She choked you out.
- [20:49]
Jordan
Oh, yeah. So.
- [20:49]
Host
And then you felt bad about that?
- [20:51]
Jordan
Yeah, yeah, for sure.
- [20:52]
Host
And so how did that come back around to feeling better?
- [20:58]
Jordan
I think it was just probably like my willingness to accept the present and accept the past and just accept like, you know, what's happened really, and where I am and to be grateful for it. We still have arguments and still, like, struggle to communicate. I think even like couple weeks ago I cut her off and said to her, you know, I'm never speaking to you again and like, stuff. So, like, yeah, life's completely flowers. Yeah.
- [21:20]
Host
But it's in a good, better place now.
- [21:22]
Jordan
Yeah, for sure, for sure, for sure, for sure, for sure. Like I said, I literally went to us to make breakfast for myself just because I had no food at my house. I was like, you know, I need to walk down the road, made some breakfast, sat there with her for a bit. So. And then like, yeah, left and came here to read some books. Really? And stuff. Showed all the books I got because she loves books and stuff.
- [21:38]
Host
Oh, lovely.
- [21:39]
Jordan
Yeah, man.
- [21:40]
Host
What, What's a. What's a good breakfast for you these days?
- [21:43]
Jordan
I'm a big foodie, man. I. I think so. Today I made like, it's really weird mix. I made like mushrooms, tuna with noodles and. Yeah, like, I had like loads of sauces and seasoning on the mushrooms and tried to make my own weird stuff.
- [21:59]
Host
Oh, amazing.
- [21:59]
Jordan
Very experimental with my food.
- [22:01]
Host
I'm also a huge mushroom fan.
- [22:03]
Jordan
Yeah, I love mushrooms.
- [22:04]
Host
Very weirdly, the. The last person I just talked to, also big on mushrooms.
- [22:08]
Jordan
Yeah, mushrooms.
- [22:09]
Host
Maybe. I've got like, there's like a mushroom.
- [22:11]
Jordan
Set that I'm picking up on. We're your family. Good boy.
- [22:21]
Host
You mentioned that you hadn't. You hadn't met your brother or you hadn't spoken to your brother, is that right?
- [22:26]
Jordan
I think I met my brother when I was 10 years old. Maybe he, like, I'd met him once, he came over to my nan's house and then like, I never heard from him again. And I think my mom told me maybe a couple years ago that he's in prison. So I don't know if you saw that, but yeah, I've got a young brother that's been my brother, my real actual family, for my whole life.
- [22:45]
Host
Did you get on with him okay?
- [22:46]
Jordan
Yeah, for sure. He's in America right now actually. He went to Eton.
- [22:49]
Host
Oh, wow.
- [22:49]
Jordan
Yeah, went to Ethan. You got a scholarship to go Ethan. He's in America on a scholarship in California. I'm doing Rowan and stuff stuff. So, yeah, he's doing well for himself. So, yeah, super happy for him.
- [22:59]
Host
That's lovely.
- [23:00]
Jordan
Yeah. Super contrast of like, you know, life and stuff. Like me in prison, him in Ethan and go to America and stuff.
- [23:05]
Host
Yeah, that's life for sure, man. Do you feel any sense of like competition with him at all?
- [23:11]
Jordan
No, not at all. I'm super proud of him. Like, he came to visit me one time when I was in prison and like for Christmas, really, like, my mom's there, he's there. I think I asked them a fucking weird ass question. I just said to them, like, do you guys find it that like, you know, can you like silence your thoughts and stuff? And he just said something like, you know, he's my brother, so like, you know, I'm the same. I don't know that that was a really beautiful moment for me. That like, you know, he. He feels that connected to me. I feel no competition there. He inspires me. If anything, like, he inspires me to be the best version of myself. He's probably one of my biggest inspiration inspirations of all time. So.
- [23:48]
Host
It's beautiful.
- [23:48]
Jordan
Thank you.
- [23:49]
Host
This is a kind of a weird non question question, but if you could ask yourself a question and answer it for now. Is there anything you'd like to ask yourself and then try and answer it? I mean, it's a bit of a hard one. It's a bit of a funny one, isn't it?
- [24:04]
Jordan
That's a hard one. Probably like in just sitting here today, I've asked myself a question. I was reading this book called the Book of Tea. And that's like a Eastern philosophical book. And a quote I wrote down was, we have created a harmony which is weak against aggression. That is a quote that stood out to me. So I guess I would ask myself, how can you be strong against aggression? Like, how do you be. How do you live in harmony against aggression and stuff? Harmony is kind of. Don't associate that with aggression. So, like, how can you harmonize stuff and, you know, live in a world that is aggressive and I don't know how to even start answering.
- [24:47]
Host
It's good to, you know, it's good to have a starting point, for sure. I noticed in your book two playing cards. Can I ask you about what those are?
- [24:55]
Jordan
So I. This is a new notebook I've, like, I found in my cupboard today. And I wanted to put some stuff in it, just some sentimental stuff in it. My lucky number is three. So, like I said to myself, the first three cards that I pull out of this deck, I'll put in this notebook. Well, the first one was the joker. The second one was the eight, and the third one was the queen. And I think they perfectly described me, to be fair. So, like, joker, like, I like to have fun and laugh and shit. 8. I guess for me that's also a lucky number for me. I associate that with affinity and everlastingness, I guess. And then queen, I associate that with femininity. I like feminine stuff. So.
- [25:33]
Host
Yeah, that's wonderful.
- [25:34]
Jordan
Yeah. Thank you, man.
- [25:37]
Host
Oh, that's so cool. Is there anything. Is there anything that, you know, we all have these things that are invisible that we kind of carry with us. People would never normally assume about you or. No, whatever. Like, do you wish people could see something of you? Which, you know, do you wish you could tell people that you do?
- [26:01]
Jordan
I mean, I don't know, like, I was at someone's house probably a couple weeks ago, and they said, like, they were on the train or they were trying to get the train and they were just surrounded by people and everyone just looked pissed off and just like, you know, they just didn't look happy with their life. They just didn't look like they were having fun with their life. They didn't look like they understood how to have fun. I don't know. I don't know if you've heard the saying, like, you can only, like, reach someone as far as they've, like, reached themselves. Even if you try to show someone the utmost amount of love, they can only, you know, love you back as much as they have loved themselves back. And I'm not aware of how much someone's been in need of love. I'm not aware of how much someone's accepted love for themselves or loving their life and stuff. So, like, when I was first presented with the notion that people are hard to love. I was just like, no, they're not. I think that just depends on who you are in relation to them. And I think that's. That would be what I'd like to change about how people perceive me. Maybe, like, I think people look at me as a person and they kind of, like, see a man first and foremost, see my race after that, and then, like, you know, see maybe the clothes I'm wearing off that, see how I'm acting after that. And, like, these are all things in which they can judge me on. And I think, like, I was so kind of just focused on loving people and being a being of love that, like, I don't know. I know I've went to prison for violence and, like, now having this aspect of unconditional love for everything. But I think that was a big thing for me, even in, like, going to prison and stuff. Because the reason why I went in is because I tried to control the circumstance. And if I just, you know, accepted that I couldn't control the circumstance and existed in love for myself, enough love for myself, that I didn't react in a way in which was going to be detrimental to myself, then, yeah, my life would have been completely different. But, like, everything happens for a reason. So, like, maybe that was the reason for me to learn that lesson.
- [27:50]
Host
Good answer.
- [27:50]
Jordan
Thank you, my brother.
- [27:54]
Host
Let's go for the last. The last question, which is the same as everyone gets, but the question is, what are you going to do next?
- [28:04]
Jordan
Okay, today I'm gonna try to. I don't know what time it is now.
- [28:08]
Host
4:18.
- [28:09]
Jordan
Okay, cool. So I'm gonna try to, you know, finish my book. Well, finish, like, as much as I can of my book. I'll go back to, like, my local park and I'll play some basketball, hopefully with my friends or practice by myself, and then go home, speak to a couple of my friends and watch some anime, try to clean my house as well. That's my plans for the rest of the day. And then in the grand scheme of things, what's my plans? My plans are, I guess, to just, like I said, try to, like, consist with love and bring love to everyone I meet and try to, you know, be accepting of what love I can receive and what love I can give. Perfect.
- [28:43]
Host
Thank you so much for talking to me.
- [28:44]
Jordan
No, thank you so much, my bro. It's been such a pleasure.
- [28:55]
Max
I would be better if somebody showed me how I would be smarter if somebody let me out. I would be kinder if these weren't the causes I was dealt I would be stronger if I knew how to ask for help But I think I'm done with the excuses? I told myself I won't get used to it? I'm over all the pain and the illusions? Cause in the end I'm the one? I'm trying to change I'm trying to grow My mind it's telling me yes My heart's telling me no Still I'm trying to change I'm trying to grow? My heart's telling me yes My mind's telling me no I'm trying to change.