EPISODE 12: Quiet Chainsaw Man

Summary

Podcast Summary: Strangers on a Bench Episode: EPISODE 12: Quiet Chainsaw Man
Host/Author: Tom Rosenthal
Release Date: December 2, 2024

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Introduction

In this captivating episode of Strangers on a Bench, host Tom Rosenthal engages in a profound and intimate conversation with a young Londoner, referred to as Speaker B. The episode, titled "Quiet Chainsaw Man," delves deep into themes of personal passions, shyness, fears about the future, and the solace found in solitude. Through genuine dialogue, both hosts and guests reveal layers of their personalities, offering listeners a window into the complexities of everyday lives.

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Favorite Day and Ideal Day

Tom begins the conversation by asking about Speaker B's favorite day of the week, prompting a reflection on leisure and productivity.

• Favorite Day:
  "Honestly, it's stuck. I'm stuck between, like, Friday and Saturday because Saturday is just like a day just to, like, completely unwind. And then Friday is kind of like, oh, you know, end of the week, I guess. Yeah, I say Friday, though. Definitely Friday." ([00:51])

• Dream Day:
  Speaker B envisions a day devoid of obligations, emphasizing the comfort in doing nothing:
  "A great day? Just a day where... staying in bed all day and just being on my phone a lot, doing nothing." ([01:17])

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Passion for Music and Collecting CDs and Badges

A significant portion of the conversation centers around Speaker B's deep love for music and the tangible expressions of this passion through collecting CDs and badges.

• Music Collection:
  "I'm really big with music, like, listening to music because I collect a lot of music CDs and badges, as you can see." ([01:57])

• Meaning of Badges:
  "I guess it's just like a way to express myself. Like, I secretly hope people look at my bag and be like, oh, she's pretty cool. She listens to a lot of bands, you know?" ([02:19])

• CDs vs. Digital Media:
  Speaker B finds solace in physical media:
  "It feels quite nice, you know, because I go to charity shops and I see just the shelves stacked with CDs. I'm just like, yes, thank you, thank you." ([03:17])

  He further elaborates on his connection to CDs:
  "I feel very much like... very connected to them, you know?" ([03:44])

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Shyness and the Comfort of Solitude

The discussion transitions to Speaker B's innate shyness and how solitude provides a sense of peace amidst the chaos of public life.

• Experiencing Shyness:
  "I am quite shy in public, so I don't do a lot of courageous things." ([04:29])

• Peace in Being Alone:
  "It's peaceful when you're just left alone with you and your thoughts. It's comforting and it feels right just to be alone and in a public setting." ([04:44])

• Anxiety in Crowds:
  Speaker B shares his struggles with anxiety:
  "I get really anxious when I'm faced with crowds or just simply walking past someone. I can literally just start feeling myself." ([04:44])

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Fears and Anxieties about Age and Mortality

Delving deeper, Speaker B opens up about his fears related to aging, responsibilities, and mortality.

• Fear of Turning 20:
  "It feels pretty good. But it sucks knowing that I'm not going to be one forever because I turned 20 in two years... it's scary when you think about it because like time really does go by fast." ([06:04])

• Avoiding Responsibilities:
  "I don't really want to pay tax on that. I just want to live in my parents house and just goof around and sleep in my bed all day and listen to music." ([06:24])

• Thoughts on Mortality:
  "Growing old is like a big fear of mine... I'd like to think that I'd come back as like a cute little cat playing in a field." ([06:45])

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Concerns About the Future and Employment

Speaker B expresses his anxieties about the future, particularly regarding employment and financial independence.

• Job Market Struggles:
  "I'm just doing work experience right now, hopefully after, so I can get a job. But no one wants to flipping hire me, bro. Nobody." ([08:02])

• Volunteer Experience:
  He discusses his role at a charity shop:
  "I manage the CDs. Cause I... we can keep it upstairs, like near the staff area. And then after our shift we can just buy it." ([08:45])

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Daydreaming and Imagination

A lighter yet insightful segment explores Speaker B's penchant for daydreaming and how his imagination serves as both an escape and a creative outlet.

• Daydreaming Habits:
  "Honestly, zoning out is something I do very often." ([10:43])

• Imaginative Scenarios:
  "What if a man with like a very quiet chainsaw...comes along?" ([12:04])

• Comfort in Imagination:
  "It's like sleeping, but you're awake." ([10:58])

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Thoughts on Education and University

The conversation shifts to Speaker B's views on higher education, influenced by his experiences and observations.

• University Pressures:
  "It's heavily influenced by my teachers before being like, you know, go uni, get a good job, get a degree... they shove it down our throats." ([13:10])

• Alternative Paths:
  Speaker B critiques the limited discussion around alternatives:
  "They don't realize they should at least talk to us about apprenticeships or whatever else there is to offer." ([13:22])

• Financial Burden:
  "My older sister, she's still paying her debt back years later. I'm just like, God damn. How much do you owe them?" ([14:07])

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Reflection on Future and Neighbors

Towards the end of the conversation, Speaker B reflects on his hopes and uncertainties about the future, particularly regarding his living environment and community.

• Countryside Aspirations:
  "Where do you live? Because I'm big on the countryside. If I'm not in the countryside by the next 10 years, then I'm worried for myself." ([15:56])

• Future Neighbors:
  "I hope my neighbors are nice... they could be anybody and I would not know about it until the time comes." ([16:27])

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Closing Thoughts

The episode concludes with a poetic interlude from Speaker C, adding a lyrical dimension to the conversation:

"I'm not ready to love you. I'm not ready to love. I may hate a bed here Knowing enough Alone as the wind is miles and inches Roots are twisted all below and above." ([17:12])

This poignant ending encapsulates the episode's exploration of vulnerability, connection, and the intricate tapestry of human emotions.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• "I'm stuck between, like, Friday and Saturday because Saturday is just like a day just to, like, completely unwind." — Speaker B ([00:51])
• "I feel very much like... very connected to them, you know?" — Speaker B ([03:44])
• "It's peaceful when you're just left alone with you and your thoughts." — Speaker B ([04:44])
• "Growing old is like a big fear of mine... I'd like to think that I'd come back as like a cute little cat playing in a field." — Speaker B ([06:45])
• "No one wants to flipping hire me, bro. Nobody." — Speaker B ([08:02])
• "It's like sleeping, but you're awake." — Speaker B ([10:58])
• "It's heavily influenced by my teachers before being like, you know, go uni, get a good job, get a degree." — Speaker B ([13:10])
• "I hope my neighbors are nice... they could be anybody and I would not know about it until the time comes." — Speaker B ([16:27])

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Conclusion

EPISODE 12: "Quiet Chainsaw Man" of Strangers on a Bench offers listeners an intimate glimpse into the life of a young individual navigating the challenges of shyness, societal expectations, and personal passions. Through heartfelt dialogue and introspective reflections, Tom Rosenthal fosters a connection that resonates with anyone who has ever pondered the stories behind a stranger on a park bench.

Transcript

[A]

Hello. Sorry to bother you. Can I ask you a slightly odd question? I'm making a podcast called Strangers on a bench, where essentially I talk to people I don't know on benches for 10 or 15 minutes. Are you up for that? Do you want to give it a go? This is the only time this will ever happen. Us two on a bench have just met. Yeah. What's your favorite day of the week?

[B]

Favorite day? Honestly, it's stuck. I'm stuck between, like, Friday and Saturday because Saturday is just like a day just to, like, completely unwind. And then Friday is kind of like, oh, you know, end of the week, I guess. Yeah, I say Friday, though. Definitely Friday.

[A]

If you could do a dream day of yours where. If you could take me from the morning to the evening, what would it look like?

[B]

A great day? Just a day where. I don't know, like. Just a day where I don't have to do anything, honestly, because I. It sounds lazy, but. I don't like being productive. I do, but, like, it's just. I don't know, like, the only time I'm productive is when my brain just likes, you know, just get up and do it or like, very last minute. So I guess a day where I could just do completely whatever. To be honest, staying in bed all day and just being on my phone a lot, doing nothing. My confidence in words.

[A]

But, yeah, just floating around.

[B]

Just floating around.

[A]

I totally get it. What in your life at the moment is exciting you the most?

[B]

Honestly, I'm really big with music, like, listening to music.

[A]

So I guess listening to music?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Fantastic.

[B]

Because I collect a lot of music CDS and badges, as you can see.

[A]

Oh, you like badges?

[B]

Yeah, like, these are my favorite bands. I lost one, like, a few days ago on the bus. And that's why you have this, like, kind of like, space.

[A]

So you got badges on your bag. What do badges mean to you?

[B]

I guess it's just like a way to express myself. Like, I secretly hope people look at my bag and be like, oh, she's pretty cool. She listens to a lot of bands, you know?

[A]

Yeah, I mean, I definitely would think.

[B]

You'D be pretty cool. It means a lot to me because I really, really like music. So these are quite special to me. And obviously I collect a lot of music CDs, and those are very special to me. I have one vinyl, but I don't have a vinyl player.

[A]

I need to get you a vinyl player.

[B]

It was a gift from my friends when I was 16. It was a taste of his vinyl. The song to make chair album. It's like the first ever physical copy of, like, a music that I've ever received, like, ever. So obviously it's quite special to me, I guess you could say. I guess you could say, like, I favorite more than my other collections.

[A]

Tell me about CDs. You kind of collect CDs now. So can you tell me how that feels in an era when people aren't as concerned for them?

[B]

It feels quite nice, you know, because I go to charity shops and I see just the shelves stacked with CDs. I'm just like, yes, thank you, thank you. Because I know everyone's literally on spot. I mean, so am I, but everyone's using either itunes or whatever.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so I guess I kind of feel special in a way. Not superior, but I feel kind of special. I'm like, ah, you know.

[A]

No, you should feel superior.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

It's lovely to be interested in a physical object. Is that what interests you? I mean, is that. What is it about a CD that appeals to you?

[B]

I feel very much like. How do I explain this? Like, very connected to them, you know? Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Do you have a seat? Do you have a CD player?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, of course. What's the point in having. Cuz if you have a bit of a CD player? I don't know.

[A]

But maybe you just wanted to keep the physical object.

[B]

Yeah, but like, I wouldn't feel fulfilled if I didn't play it. Like, I have to at least play it if. If I want to fully reach that level of euphoria, you know?

[A]

I love that. I love that.

[B]

Yeah. Good boy. Go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.

[A]

When was the last time that you felt you did what you thought was a courageous thing?

[B]

A courageous thing?

[A]

It could be in a really small way. It doesn't have to be a big way. Do you any. Any. Anything you can remember about doing something?

[B]

Good question. Because I am quite shy in public, so I don't do a lot of courageous things.

[A]

I'm very like, well, it's courageous to say yes to me.

[B]

True.

[A]

So you feel like you're quite a shy person.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What's it like being a shy person?

[B]

Peaceful. I mean, it's. It's. It's not easy, but it's peaceful when you're just left alone with you and your thoughts. It's comforting and it feels right just to be alone and in a public setting. For me, I get really anxious when I'm faced with crowds or just simply walking past someone. I can literally just start feeling myself.

[A]

My breathing getting heavy just walking past them.

[B]

I think I'm all scared of my age range because, I don't know, I find other teens kind of scary.

[A]

Yeah. So do you ever wish you were not shy? I mean, at what points in your life do you wish you weren't shy?

[B]

When it comes to going to social events, that's the main, main, main time where I feel like, okay, well, I could have done more that day. Right. Why didn't I do it? I don't know. I guess I just wanted to be left alone that day. And honestly, it's not like I completely isolate myself. I don't. I just like being alone is very peaceful.

[A]

Yeah, that makes total sense.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What? That was a good bird.

[B]

Very loud.

[A]

They wanted to ask the question, what is it like being a teenager now in the world?

[B]

It feels pretty good. But it sucks knowing that I'm not going to be one forever because I turned 20 in two years and it's just like, what's the rush? You know, I was literally 14 two days ago and now I'm, you know, turning 20 in two years and it's, it's scary when you think about it because like time really does go by fast. It's true. You know.

[A]

What's the fear of turning 20 for you, though? It seems to be quite. That you're quite worried about it.

[B]

It's, it has to do with responsibilities. Like, I don't really want to pay tax on that.

[A]

Don't pay tax? No. Yeah.

[B]

I don't want to pay bills. I just want to live in my parents house and just goof around and sleep in my bed all day and listen to music. Like, you get what I mean? Like it's.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I guess I'm also. I mean, obviously we can just die at any moment, but I guess growing old is like a big fear of mine. Not in appearance, but just the fact that, hey, my body's kind of shutting down little by little. I'm gonna, I'm gonna go soon, you know, that kind of thing. And I'm not a religious person. I don't know what's gonna happen. Nobody knows, to be honest. But I would like to think that I'd come back as like a cute little cat. Just a cute little cat playing in a field, you know, that kind of thing.

[A]

That sentence really escalated very quickly. You were 18 suddenly. And they're like, my body's deteriorating and now I'm coming back as a cat. I'm dead, I'm dead. I've got old, I'M suddenly old. I'm dead. I'm back as a cat, though.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So it's kind of worked out.

[B]

Yeah. I like cats, so I hope I come back as one.

[A]

I think most people here, if I had like 100 people here listening to this and they could talk, they'd probably be saying, you know, really, don't worry about that.

[B]

I guess. I guess I just stress about the unnecessary things that I should be stressing about. Because really what I should be stressing about now is what I'm going to wear for tomorrow, not when I die.

[A]

You know, this is a very good point. What else do you worry about in your life apart from getting old and dying?

[B]

I worry about where I will be in like the next five years. Because living here is pretty darn expensive, isn't it? So I'm just like, I can't get a job. Yeah, yeah, it's really hard to get one. Like, I'm just doing work experience right now, hopefully after, so I can get a job. But no one wants to flipping hire me, bro. Nobody. Sorry I called you bro.

[A]

No, it's okay. You call me bro. What do you mean no one wants to hire people? You mean is that classic thing of like, people say, oh, we're looking for experience, whatever.

[B]

Yeah. Like they could be saying, we're urgently hiring. And then when you apply, they're like, nope, sorry, never got that. Cause I volunteer at a charity shop currently. I guess that comes to experience.

[A]

That's wonderful. But what's that like?

[B]

It's quite nice. I manage the CDs.

[A]

Oh, of course you do.

[B]

Yeah, I manage the CDs.

[A]

Do you cheekily, when the CDs come in, do you kind of like go, oh, let's keep the good ones to the side?

[B]

Cause I. The thing is, we're allowed to, like, if we see something we like and if it's priced, we can keep it upstairs, like near the staff area. And then after our shift we can just buy it. So, yeah, I guess it's pretty sweet there. I mean. Yeah, I mean, I do. Like I said before, like, I'm shy. So you're not too.

[A]

I'm not saying you're wrong to say you are shy. I'm just saying that you're showing me kind of another side to yourself that I don't think is that shy. So you clearly have something in you that as well.

[B]

Yeah, I guess I'm just really afraid of like me messing up or something. Like me tripping over in front of people or like something going wrong. Like, I don't know, like, someone slaps me, someone beats me up. I don't know. Like, I'm scared of just the most rambunctious things that happen in public to me. That's what I'm scared of. You know? That's what I'm saying.

[A]

Does that mean you've got a big imagination? You kind of imagine all the things that could go wrong.

[B]

Yeah, I daydream. A. And, like, I always come up with the scenarios. Okay, so if I'm at this place at this time, what's going to happen? What could happen? Yeah, like, who will be there? That kind of thing.

[A]

Can you paint the picture of your last daydream that you had, like, before I turned up on this bench and you were looking out into the city as we are now, with all these buildings in front of us?

[B]

Okay, I will say the very, very, very last thing I was dating about, but I will tell you the second last thing I was thinking about.

[A]

We'll take the penultimate. We'll take the penultimate.

[B]

I was just thinking about, like, I don't know, like, what my friends are doing at college right now. If I'm here. What are they doing right now? You know, I wonder what they get up to.

[A]

But you can't tell me about the daydream. Your last daydream you had.

[B]

Off limits.

[A]

Off limits.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I won't ask anymore. I won't ask anymore. That's fine. But you like to. But you like to daydream.

[B]

Yeah. Honestly, zoning out is something I do very often.

[A]

Like, are you good at it?

[B]

I can. I can.

[A]

You can just do it for. You could do it for England, so to speak. It feels like that would be a good job. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Honestly, it just feels comfortable. Like, it's like sleeping, but you're awake. Can you unfocus your eyes?

[A]

As in. What do you mean by that? As in, like, if I can, like, look at, like, look at the tree in front of us and just, like, just let it go all blurry?

[B]

Yeah, that's what I mean. Because some people can. It's like a. I can do that. Which is.

[A]

Yeah, I think I can do that.

[B]

Yeah, it's what. It's like. I'm doing it right now. It's really comfortable. Not sure how I'm doing it, but I'm doing it, and it's amazing.

[A]

So that's how you start your daydreams. You just. You begin by kind of just going blurry, and then you let thoughts just flood in, basically.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And how long can you Go for what's. What is a good length daydream.

[B]

Depends where I am. If I'm in class, I can't do it for long. Obviously if I'm in somewhere like this, I mean anything could happen. Someone could come behind me and just flipping grab me. So I gotta be, I gotta like, I gotta like, I gotta like come back, come back down to earth and be like.

[A]

Okay, so in the back of your head you're thinking, oh, don't switch off entirely here because there might be just some kind of danger lurking.

[B]

Yeah. What if a man with like a very quiet chainsaw, just like a quiet.

[A]

Chainsaw man comes along? I'm not sure you can get a silent chainsaw.

[B]

You can in my imagination.

[A]

Everything is possible in that imagination, isn't it? How are the questions so far? They okay.

[B]

Yeah, pretty good, Pretty good.

[A]

This good.

[B]

Very therapeutic. Laying it all out.

[A]

What are you going to do next?

[B]

Well, the day. Stay here for a few minutes. Life probably. Hopefully I can get into university, but I mean I'm unsure because there's like a lot of options you can do after college. Yeah, there's so much stuff.

[A]

Why do you want to go to university?

[B]

I guess it's just heavily influenced by my teachers before being like, you know, go uni, get a good job, get, get a degree. Which is, I mean obviously yeah, I want a degree, but God damn, it's just like they shove it down our throats a lot and it pisses off it. They don't realize it. I think they should at least talk to us about it like a few times and then just leave it at that. Cuz we already know the option is there. We can take it if we want to, but then shuffing it is on our throws constantly. It's kind of like, okay, well it's like I need to go now because like must be very important if we have to keep on talking about it, you know. And I never really hear them talk about apprenticeships or whatever else there is to offer.

[A]

That's interesting.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what, really from my personal opinion, universities is not for everybody. And there's so many different ways of approaching the world. It's so expensive now as well. You don't want to be put on the back foot. It means you're kind of slightly trapped. You know, you have a big loan, you have then therefore you have a debt to pay. And when you have a debt to pay, you feel like, oh God, I've got to start paying it. And so you do something you don't Particularly find exciting or interesting, whatever. Because you're like, well, I've got to pay the debt. And then that kind of. That locks you in as well. I mean, already, like the world locks us into various different things anyway, so it's like, it's really important to make sure that move is right for you.

[B]

Yeah. Because my sister, my older sister, she's still paying her debt back.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Years later. I'm just like, God damn. How much do you owe them?

[A]

No, that's it.

[B]

How much are they charging?

[A]

That's it. So question for you. If you could ask yourself one question and then answer it, what would it be?

[B]

I've just thought of everything and nothing. Because the thing is, if I was to clone myself, my clone is in front of me. I ask the question and then they answer. I feel like I know what those might be because that's me, you know?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I think it would make more sense if, like, if it was like my past self and my present me or present me and future self. Because then in a way I could give advice or receive advice and that would help me in the long run. But I don't know what question that would be.

[A]

So maybe, let's say, what's the question for future you? Imagine. Yeah. Imagine you're going to come back here on this bench in 10 years. What is your question for future you in 10 years?

[B]

Where do you live? Because I'm big on the countryside. If I'm not in the countryside by the next 10 years, then I'm worried for myself because, yeah, I grew up in a city, but like, I'm not a city person. I'm more of a countryside person or like a, you know.

[A]

And I'm sure they would welcome you with open arms.

[B]

Yeah. I hope my neighbours are nice, like my future neighbours. I hope they aren't too bratty or whatever and like they are in the movies.

[A]

I just hope my future neighbours are good.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Please be good future neighbours. Is it an odd thought that your future neighbours are out there now just floating around?

[B]

They could be.

[A]

And they don't know that they're going to be your future neighbor.

[B]

Yeah. They could be literally anybody, bad or good. They could be anybody and I would not know about it until the time comes. Which is crazy how everyone is connected, but like, not. Okay, let me rephrase that. Everyone's connected, but when, like, everyone is connected in a way, but we meet when the time is right, unintentionally, if that makes sense.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Strange when you think about it.

[C]

I'm not ready to love you. I'm not ready to love. I may hate a bed here Knowing enough Alone as the wind is miles and inches Roots are twisted all below and above.