EPISODE 13: Maybe I Need To Go Home

Summary

Podcast Summary: Strangers on a Bench – Episode 13: "Maybe I Need To Go Home"

Host: Tom Rosenthal
Guest: Matt
Release Date: December 9, 2024
Duration: Approximately 38 minutes

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Introduction

In Episode 13 of Strangers on a Bench, host Tom Rosenthal engages in a heartfelt and introspective conversation with Matt, an Irish singer-songwriter and poet currently residing in London. This episode delves deep into Matt's personal struggles, artistic journey, and recent family challenges, offering listeners an intimate glimpse into his life.

Ideal Day and Daily Routines

The conversation begins with Tom asking Matt about his favorite day of the week and his ideal day. Matt shares his morning routine, which has roots in his lockdown experience:

Matt (00:56): "Probably at the weekend, I suppose I get up about half six, I read and then I do something like this."

He emphasizes the simplicity and grounding nature of his routines, which help him maintain balance:

Matt (01:42): "I was just doing it for years. Probably lockdown. It became more of a kind of routine just to not go mad."

Literary Reflections: "The Outsider"

Matt discusses his current reading material, "The Outsider," exploring its existential themes and the protagonist's detachment from societal moral codes:

Matt (02:09): "It's a pessimistic book, isn't it? ... It's fascinating and thought-provoking."

This reflection leads Tom to inquire about Matt's personal relationship with societal structures, prompting Matt to explore his feelings of alienation and conformity.

Life in London and Considering a Return to Ireland

Matt shares his experiences living abroad and the reasons behind his move to London, originally intended as a temporary escape after a personal setback:

Matt (04:21): "I left for a few reasons. I think I was just bored. I left for a year and I've been here nearly 18, so that's kind of how it goes."

He contemplates the possibility of returning to Ireland, especially in light of recent family health issues, highlighting the emotional tug between his life in London and his roots in Ireland.

Family Matters: Mother's Health Crisis

A significant portion of the episode focuses on Matt's mother's recent stroke and its impact on his life decisions. He reflects on familial responsibilities and the shifting dynamics within his family:

Matt (06:25): "My mother had a stroke yesterday, so as a minor stroke, so that might make me go back, I think."

This news propels Matt into deeper contemplation about mortality, existence, and his own life's direction.

Artistic Pursuits: Music and Poetry

Matt discusses his artistic endeavors, including his upcoming album titled "I am a tree rooted to this spot, and a snake moves around me in a circle." He explains the inspiration behind the album's title, drawing from Carl Jung's interpretations:

Matt (09:39): "So I thought it was interesting and it fits the album. So, yeah, it's a bit long."

He also shares his passion for poetry, contrasting street poets with academic ones, and emphasizes the vibrancy and authenticity he seeks in his work.

Struggles with Confidence and Relationships

A candid segment explores Matt's challenges in approaching women and building meaningful relationships. He attributes his difficulties to overthinking and high personal standards:

Matt (11:16): "I can be way too particular, way too fussy."

He reflects on advice from friends and his desire to find an equal partner, balancing his artistic nature with personal aspirations.

Turning 40: A Poetic Milestone

Matt recites a poignant poem he wrote about turning 40, encapsulating his reflections on life choices, societal expectations, and personal aspirations:

Matt (28:22):
I woke up in a different silence to the one I fell asleep in.
40 hit me like a mule's hoof in the puss...
(Entire poem recited with emotional depth.)

This moment serves as a cathartic expression of his internal struggles and hopes for the future.

Reflections on Fate and Luck

The discussion shifts to the role of luck and chance in shaping one's life. Matt dismisses the concept of fate, viewing life as a series of opportunities and decisions:

Matt (32:51): "I can't remember which author was like, everything is a series of happy accidents. ... So loads of lucky things, coming to London and meeting one person and then they put you onto this other person..."

Closing Thoughts and Future Aspirations

As the conversation winds down, Matt contemplates his next steps, weighing the possibility of furthering his artistic career against the pull to return home and address family obligations:

Matt (36:33):
Today. I might play Snow Court, my friend, in a big way. I might have to move back to Ireland...

He expresses a desire to balance his creative passions with personal responsibilities, leaving listeners with an open-ended sense of his journey.

Conclusion

Episode 13 of Strangers on a Bench presents a deeply personal narrative, highlighting Matt's introspections on life, art, and family. Through honest dialogue and emotional transparency, Tom Rosenthal and Matt explore themes of identity, purpose, and the intricate dance between personal ambition and familial duties.

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Notable Quotes:

• Matt (09:39): "I thought it was interesting and it fits the album."
• Matt (28:22): Recitation of his poem about turning 40.
• Matt (35:36): "What's the point here?"

Key Themes:

• Existential Reflection: Matt's contemplation of mortality and existence.
• Artistic Identity: Balancing poetry and music with personal life.
• Family Obligations: Navigating responsibilities amidst personal aspirations.
• Personal Growth: Struggles with confidence and relationship building.
• Life Transitions: Turning 40 as a pivotal life milestone.

This episode offers a profound exploration of personal and artistic challenges, making it a compelling listen for those interested in the human stories behind creative endeavors.

Transcript

[Host]

Hello. Sorry to bother you. Can I ask you a slightly odd question? I'm making a podcast called Strangers on a Bench, where essentially I talk to people I don't know on benches for 10 or 15 minutes. Are you up for that? Do you want to give it a go? What's your favorite day of the week?

[Matt]

I don't know. Maybe Saturday, Sunday, I suppose so. I never thought about that. I don't know.

[Host]

Probably it's welcome.

[Matt]

Yeah. Probably the weekend, I suppose. Yeah.

[Friend]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Friday maybe.

[Friend]

Yeah.

[Host]

Oh, we've got three options there now, suddenly.

[Matt]

Probably Friday. Probably Friday.

[Host]

Can you take me through what would be an ideal day for you?

[Matt]

Probably at the weekend, I suppose I get up about half six, I read and then I do something like this. I come to House at Heath, or sometimes I go for a drive. I go places. Yeah, that's it. Nothing too exciting. I mean, do you mean if I go to a casino and.

[Host]

No, no.

[Matt]

Go to a strip club or something.

[Host]

Yeah. I mean, it's excitement in the eye of the beholder, isn't it? So whatever your fancy is absolutely fine. You say you get up and you read straight away.

[Friend]

Yeah.

[Host]

That's interesting.

[Matt]

I was just doing it for years. Probably lockdown. It became more of a kind of routine just to not go mad.

[Friend]

Yeah.

[Matt]

I don't know if I succeeded, actually, in lockdown. But, yeah, I just do rather just get up and read whatever I'm reading. Have some coffee, have some cereal. I'm actually reading, funny enough. Where is it? There it is, the Outsider, which is called the Stranger. It's actually mistranslated for a stranger on a bench.

[Host]

Destiny. Absolutely destiny.

[Matt]

Have you read it?

[Host]

I feel like I tried to read it and didn't finish it, which is terrible because it's a small book. But I have written a song called Albeccamu. That's really bad for me to not finish that. I think you know why someone told me how this ended. You know when someone tells you how it ends and it kind of like.

[Matt]

I've never seen A Sixth Sense because somebody taught me how it ended.

[Host]

Yeah. So that's it. So I think maybe that was the. Yeah, that was the nature of it, but. Yeah. So how does this book make you feel when you read it?

[Matt]

I mean, it's a pessimistic book, isn't it? I mean, the first page is he finds out his mother's dead and he's not very sentimental about it. He goes to where she's. She's in a home. They've put on some of the nails in the coffin. And they ask, do you want to take the nails off so you can see your mother? And he says, no. So it's a fairly kind of. It's a story of a guy who goes through life without really being tied in with a lot of the moral code. Not necessarily moral codes, but codes that we're all tied in with, you know. But is he a bad person because he doesn't understand them or he doesn't feel them? It's just interesting. It's an interesting thought provoking book.

[Host]

Big question for you. How do you personally try and break free of the kind of the hold that society has on us as in all various structures that are within our lives, kind of naturally be that family work. So you're reading about someone who's trying to do that. Is any part of your life where you're trying to do that or have done it?

[Matt]

I live in a different country, so I suppose that's bacon for you. I don't know. People like me more when I go back home because I'm not there for all the stuff that goes on during the week when people are disagreeing or arguing. I just turn up for the celebration, somebody's birthday party, whatever, and everybody's pleased to see me. That's pretty good.

[Host]

Can I ask you why you left?

[Matt]

I left for a few reasons. I think I was just bored. I left for a year and I've been here nearly 18, so that's kind of how it goes. I left, I don't know. I asked the girl out and she said no, which was about six months before left. So I was 23 and I thought, why don't you go to London for a year? I didn't intend to stay, like, but end up kind of staying.

[Host]

What happened to this girl? Sound like this. Does she know that she's changed the arc of your life?

[Matt]

Did you know what I didn't know? No, probably not, no. I don't know. I haven't met her for years, but I didn't know until about two or three years ago. I was thinking, oh yeah, that probably did have an influence. But it wasn't just the main reason or anything. It was just our reason. I was living in Limerick at the time, so I had done as much as I could kind of do there. I played music. I wanted to come to London. There was indie stuff going on. The Libertines were still around and that kind of scene, Camden or whatever, that was as much a kind of pull for me, I think.

[Friend]

Yeah.

[Host]

How does it Feel returning now. I mean, would you call yourself a London person, but you and you go back?

[Matt]

No, I'm just Irish. I think it's too late when you're 23, isn't it? If you're 7 or something, maybe, but yeah.

[Host]

Are your folks still around?

[Friend]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matt]

Bought back in Ireland. Yeah.

[Host]

Do they. What do they think of you being here?

[Matt]

I suppose they probably would like me to go back at some point. Maybe I will. I don't know what would make you.

[Host]

Go back or would anything bring you back?

[Matt]

Weirdly well, this is not very nice topic. My mother had a stroke yesterday, so as a minor stroke, so that might make me go back, I think.

[Friend]

Yeah.

[Matt]

So I've just been walking around having a little think this morning.

[Host]

That's a big one.

[Friend]

Yeah, yeah.

[Host]

Was it? Completely. I mean, I was getting a surprise.

[Friend]

Yeah, yeah.

[Matt]

My father, he went on to get his hair cut and he came back. She was just on the floor, but I think they got her in time. So she's conscious and stuff and she's kind of semi able to talk.

[Friend]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matt]

So I don't know.

[Friend]

Yeah, I don't know.

[Matt]

I might have to go back. We'll see.

[Host]

What was your kind of gut reaction to all that happening yesterday?

[Matt]

It's just a big shock, isn't it? I don't know. Just think about immortality, don't you? It's like the permanence of existence doesn't actually exist. Apart from we seem to think it does, but everything comes to an end, doesn't it? I'm thinking about myself. I was in Old Hastings a couple of months ago and you say Old Hastings. Old Hastings.

[Host]

Is that different from Hastings or are you just.

[Matt]

No, no, it's just the old town.

[Host]

Okay, sorry.

[Matt]

Right. I don't know, something about the seaside makes you reflect, but I was watching a trombone player sitting in a cafe just having something to eat, a really good trombonist playing. And I just had those thoughts. Someday there would be a different poet or writer sitting here at this cafe watching a different trombonist.

[Friend]

Yeah.

[Matt]

So I've been thinking about those things for a long time. Immortality and the passing of time, existence. And it might seem very kind of morbid, but it's actually very good because you appreciate it, don't you? Without being overly kind of cheesy or whatever, but yeah, you do when you think in those terms.

[Host]

Yeah. It's a kind of really delicate balance, isn't it? It's really important to have those thoughts and to confront your own Life with the awareness of time and the impermanence of things. But of course, if that kind of goes a little bit extra.

[Friend]

Yeah.

[Host]

It can very easily kind of just submerge everything else. Yeah, yeah. I mean, do you. With everything you just said and obviously what happened to your mum yesterday, is there a kind of any kind of logical conclusions to your thinking? Is it, okay, so now I'm gonna do this, or actually I want to be doing this, or I want to be free of this, or, you know, is it just, oh, well, there you go.

[Matt]

What's the point here?

[Host]

There you go. But is there like, actually that this means that I'm gonna try and do this or act in some way?

[Matt]

Yeah, I would say the latter.

[Friend]

Yeah.

[Matt]

It's just a limitation on your time. I think it does kind of give you an incentive to kind of take your finger out and get something done.

[Host]

What do you want to get done?

[Matt]

Well, I've got a new album coming out. You can plug it for me if you want.

[Host]

Yeah, dude. What's it called?

[Matt]

Well, it's got a long title. It's called I am a tree rooted to this spot, and a snake moves around me in a circle.

[Host]

That's a good title. But it is long.

[Matt]

It is long.

[Friend]

Yeah.

[Host]

I'm a tree rooted to this spot, and a snake moves around me in a circle.

[Friend]

Yeah, yeah.

[Matt]

So Carl Jung, this guy, he was actually a patient, came to him and he was having all of these dreams and that was one of his dreams, that he was just a tree and he couldn't move and he was terrified. But then Young said, but also the snake is kind of protecting you from any other predators. If it's going around you, nothing else can kind of come in. So there's that kind of relationship of that which threatens, protects.

[Friend]

Yeah.

[Matt]

So I thought it was interesting and it fits the album. So, yeah, it's a bit long. But anyway, what did you said?

[Host]

Yeah, you kind of answered it. You know what you are now going to do with making music and after it's made, what's important to you, what's.

[Matt]

Really important, I suppose, is the next one. I'm pretty bored with this one now, which tends to happen, so. So just the next one. Just want to get the next one done.

[Friend]

But, yeah, I don't know.

[Matt]

We'll see.

[Friend]

Yeah.

[Host]

At any part of your life you wish you had a bit of extra courage.

[Matt]

Women, I think, approaching women.

[Friend]

Yeah.

[Host]

Really?

[Friend]

Yeah.

[Host]

Can you tell me the last episode you had with a woman?

[Matt]

You could describe them as episodes. Yeah. Sagas. It depends what you mean by episode. Can an episode be asking somebody out, thinking that they are into you, and then you ask them out and then they just say no? Then an episode. A fucking box that I have for those.

[Host]

Can you describe your last kiss? Is that a bit of an intimate question?

[Matt]

My last kiss was a long time ago, you know.

[Host]

Can you remember anything about it?

[Matt]

I think I was drunk. Yeah. I don't know if it was that romantic, to be honest. Like, I don't know. I seem to be. My friends get very annoyed with me. With women, I can be way too particular, way too fussy. So over the years, I've got friends who go, matt, like, how did you kind of not go there? And I have kind of turned down some nice cars, really what I shouldn't have done. But then I've turned down some that I was right to turn down, which they would have gone there.

[Host]

When your friends lambasted you for this.

[Friend]

Yeah.

[Host]

What do you say to them?

[Matt]

I don't know. I just. I suppose I am who I am, really. I have got caught. Sometimes you get with someone that you kind of not really that into, and then you have to finish with them and you have to be a bit of a bastard sometimes. It's not nice, is it? And I have a bit of a conscience with us over time, whereas a lot of people don't.

[Friend]

Yeah.

[Matt]

So I don't know.

[Host]

So you wish you had more courage in relation to women. How would that manifest? Like, what is the missing ingredient?

[Matt]

It's a confidence thing, I think. Well, maybe I overthink things. I've got a friend back home in Ireland and I've seen him kind of do this. He'd be in a nightclub and he talked to one girl and he'd go, hey, how are you? And she'd look at him like. And he would literally just turn 180 degrees and say, hi, how are you? He's just completely. It doesn't affect him at all, but he gets loads of women. He just doesn't give fuck, basically. Whereas I would do that and I just ruin my night and be like, oh, fuck this, I'm going home. Yeah, I do have confidence. I mean, it's not like I'm a little scared, whatever. My friend said to me one time, what the fuck is your problem? You're looking for this girl who's, like, really talented, really beautiful, really interesting. And I said, yeah, I'm looking for an equal or something. What's wrong with that?

[Host]

I mean, it is fair. It's fair. I mean. I mean, you're a poet. That's a good start.

[Friend]

Yeah.

[Host]

I mean, is that.

[Matt]

I mean, you would think so, wouldn't you?

[Host]

Yeah, I mean, you sing, so that's also probably quite a good thing. Do you rely on any of those at all in a kind of seduction, I don't know, technique?

[Friend]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Kind of. Well, no, I have got a spoken word piece, actually, which is about turning 40. And it was, you know, you're kind of thinking, should I keep going with music or should I not keep going? And I always kind of thought that if I just concentrated on music and got that right, everything else would take care of itself. So music or creativity or whatever was like the sun and all the other planets spun around it. Like I was one of the planets in my mind. Or your girlfriend or wife, your kids, your home life, everything else spins around. Okay. But the way things have changed with the music business, it's hard to. It was hard to make a living from it. So I always kind of thought everything would take care of itself. But as it turns out, it kind of maybe hasn't. So, yeah, you get a bit older and you start thinking, what do you do? Do you keep going or do you do something else?

[Host]

What does something else look like for you?

[Matt]

Playwriting, maybe. I think if it was like. If it was something I could have a choice with. I just like writing.

[Host]

You say you recently turned 40 or you wrote a piece about turning 40.

[Matt]

Yeah, well, I'm 41, but yeah, I wrote a piece when I was 40.

[Friend]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Host]

Like what? I mean, why is it meant to.

[Matt]

You what 40 meant? 40 was a very weird one, actually. And my friend said this to me, who's a couple years older than me, he just said the 40s. It's almost like a male menopause or something. And I remember thinking, ah, right. I wasn't really thinking that, but 40 was a weird seasonal shift. I think I really felt like I'd shifted into autumn at 40. Like I knew summer was when you're 20 to 40 or whatever. So it was a weird six months. It was only six months. It was no longer that. But it's just a weird one. It's. It's like, well, you're not young. I am still feel young, but to someone who's 12. See what I mean? I'm not young.

[Host]

I'm like, it depends, isn't it? I suppose what you're. Actually, this is a good one for you. I had a party recently and a friend of a friend came who was a Bit of a suit. Don't have that many suit friends. Nothing against them, I just don't have that many of them. But actually he did come in a suit and my daughter, my daughters were there and they said a few days after the party they said, who is that guy in the suit? I said, how old did he look? And he always, I don't know, like 60 or something. I was like 60. And they were convinced that he was about 60, which is mind boggling to me given the fact that he definitely wasn't over 35. And I thought fuck to them, that guy was kind of towards the end of his stuff. On the flip side, of course, when I talked to, I don't know, a friend of my mum's or something and then they go, ah, young, young. Oh, it's easy, yeah, fresh, yeah. And they're like, oh, really? Okay, yeah, I suppose it is that kind of odd middle point.

[Friend]

Yeah, yeah.

[Host]

I've got, I've got a way of thinking about it which is, by the way, I'm 38, so I'm kind of not far behind you in this thinking essentially. But this idea of you can either play it as the youth of old age or the old age of youth and I suppose that's kind of two different ways of doing it. What would you say? Which camp are you in?

[Matt]

I would be the young old person probably, but because I was the youngest in the family, I think that does kind of make a difference in your mindset of like you are the young one.

[Host]

When you heard the news of your mum yesterday being the youngest, did that have any impact? Do you know what I mean? Did you automatically think, well look, so and so will take care of this.

[Friend]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matt]

I have been kind of guilty of that before, I suppose, but obviously I'm in a different country. My mother's had cancer a couple of times and she had a heart bypass. So she's had a few things in the last 15 years and I haven't, I have been there but my sisters have taken care of my father really. But now I think my father has Alzheimer's. My mother was kind of looking after him so I don't know if she can do that now. And I don't think the rest have kids and full time jobs and stuff. So maybe it's my turn to kind of go back and do my share or whatever. So that's what I was thinking about yesterday and today I've said this to you only I haven't said this to any of my family that I Might go back. I don't know what they're thinking, but.

[Host]

It'S a tricky one. Is it. Is there anything that you haven't talked to your mum about that you. You know, that you feel like you want to do? I mean, like sometimes these events go. I wish I asked about this or. Do you know what I mean?

[Friend]

Yeah.

[Matt]

No, not with my mother. I'm quite close to my mother, actually. I would ring her every kind of Sunday night. We would do a video call for an hour, like, usually. Sometimes it goes over an hour and we just chat away about everything.

[Friend]

Yeah.

[Matt]

And when I go back to Ireland, I kind of do stuff with her. We stopped at a centre shop and had hot chicken rolls, which she'd never had before. She was amazed by them, which we would be if someone introduces them. So that was good. And I wouldn't really be that close with my father. We don't. There's loads of things where I think I should have spoken to him about this and that.

[Host]

But is it too late now?

[Matt]

No, it's not too late. He's not really a talker. We're not very chatty, like. I don't know. I don't know. I don't regret not speaking to him about those things. They just. They've never kind of come up.

[Host]

What kind of dad was he as when you were a youngster?

[Friend]

Ah.

[Matt]

Bit of an odd person, to be honest, my father. I don't know. Should I get into this? But I would say if. If it was nowadays, he'd probably be diagnosed with some kind of. It's gone out of my head. It begins with a. Autism or something like that. He can just be very quiet.

[Friend]

Yeah.

[Host]

What does he. At least. What do you think he thinks of you and your life?

[Matt]

I think he's kind of. Again, this is not some big sub story. I'm just a kind of disappointment to him because what he wanted was a son who was like a worker. Like, he likes being outside digging. He was a builder. Like he's grounds worker. He wanted someone like that as his son because I was never like that. I was kind of into music and I was into reading and I was into sport. Like, he's not into sport at all. So we'd very little in common, you know. I think we were both as frustrated with what I found in the father as what he found in his son, I suppose. But, you know, in his own way, he was a good, good father. He always worked, you know, he was a very good worker, but not much of a friendship, kind of thing.

[Friend]

Yeah, yeah.

[Host]

I mean, it's just one of those ones, isn't it? You just having had a couple of children, I kind of seen that, you know, my second child is for good and for bad, like almost nothing. Like me. What I mean is like something on your leg. Oh, yeah, Very pretty, isn't it? Middle beating on the leg. What's it gonna do? Maybe wonder how long it'll stay there. Yeah. My second child's just almost untraceable. But, you know, sometimes you just land, you know, and you look up at your parents, you go, all right, well, okay, I've been lucky enough, I've got lots of time and I've got time to spend with them. We've figured out our own little dynamics and we find stuff that works for us. But you know, if someone's working and they don't have that much time. Yeah, the randomness of what can happen, I suppose, yeah. Do you remember when it. A moment when you called yourself a poet. It's always a big one. I think some people feel kind of to say out loud, I'm a poet. It's a big word. Do you remember that moment?

[Matt]

Yeah, well, I think, because the world of poetry is kind of semi inhabited by a load of fucking nubs, isn't it? Like basically who, like they give everyone a bit of a bad name because there's a lot of bullshit that goes along with poetry and a lot of bad poetry. But I think I remember one time I read this thing where there was this guy who, like a fairly prominent poet, and he said, I feel uncomfortable saying I'm a poet. And I remember thinking, fuck off. Like, you know what I mean? So from that I was just like, no, I'm saying it. And with poetry always being very confident, standing on stage, just talking, just reading the poetry. So I'm not kind of frightened of that word. And also I think I can defend it when people kind of look at it like you're being a bit fanciful. Because if you read street poetry, like Bukowski and the big poets, Ferrangetti and Gregory Corso, all that kind of stuff. Francois Filon, the French guy from the 14th century, he was like a fucking raging alcoholic and womanizer and like pretty mad kind of highwayman, all that kind of stuff interests me. A lot of the bookish academic poetry, I find it quite dull. You know, you can be very good, you can be very kind of dexterous and skillful at writing and have a good vocabulary, but if what you're writing about is just so Bland even. I, and I'm a big poetry fan, find myself falling asleep like so yeah, poetry can be kind of vibrant in a kind of an ordinary. It doesn't have to be all about like field mice and stuff like that.

[Host]

If someone's listening to this who has absolutely no, you know, currently at least no kind of care for poetry, how would you try and persuade them to. Well, it did either write it or read it.

[Matt]

It depends on the person. In some instances I wouldn't at all.

[Host]

Okay, let's say. Okay, right, let's say that there's a person that may be a potential poetry liker appreciator. What would you say to them?

[Matt]

I would recommend books to read or maybe give them a book. A poet would be a good starting point. It again it depends on the person. If you read Charles Bukowski it can be very vulgar but he's a pretty easy read to get into poetry. I think I like Rambo, Arthur Rambo, the French guy. When you give that to somebody, if they're going to be interested in poetry, that's going to impress them I think can't really fail to further along I would say WB8 but it's complex the way he wrote. So we're starting with something easy. In Ireland, Patrick Kavanagh, I think a really good poet. He was the peasant poet. So he grew up on a farm and moved to Dublin and very kind of old time, working class kind of poet. Kavanagh.

[Host]

Can you think of your most kind of euphoric poetry moment in your.

[Matt]

Life that I've read somebody or no?

[Host]

Well I was thinking more of your own by your own hand.

[Matt]

I don't know euphoric. But it was very good though. It was very pleasing. I've gone into places before where it's busy like it's a busy pub or venue and everybody's talking and they're talking over you when you start and by the end of it I'll just silence the whole crowd. That's pretty good. You know when the barman is kind of like even stopped. I don't know. It was a euphoria but it made me feel like right, this could go somewhere kind of thing. It's happened, happened a few times.

[Host]

This is a bit of a wooer but I think you're the first poet, Eyes only someone that said they're a poet.

[Friend]

Yeah.

[Host]

Do you have any access to read one of your poems? As in can you get it up on your phone at all? Is there anything you'd be happy to read out?

[Friend]

Yeah, because that'd be.

[Host]

I just thought that would be quite a nice moment.

[Matt]

Well, I did one about being 40.

[Friend]

Okay.

[Host]

Well, let's do that.

[Friend]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Okay. Let's see if I got the right one. Okay. I haven't practiced it, but, I mean, I suppose I'm reading this. This is called I woke up in a different silence to the one I fell asleep in.40 hit me like a mule's hoof in the puss. All those people I had laughed at with their life goals and negative equities and not just property. I had laughed for the day they realized that their lives weren't worth as much as they thought. And now they were stuck paying back for something they didn't want anymore. And now here I am, all on my own, no debt, mind you. And I can still write a good song when the mood takes me I don't know why but no children at 40 seems suddenly real no woman by my side seems false I laughed at all of their plans Their life insurance and landscape gardens and paying two grand for a wedding photographer well, I'd been prospecting for gold all this time but now that gold has turned to rust the music business is a corroded barrel that hobos piss in but life begins at 40, they say so I've got a head start. I suppose I always thought if I just kept on singing and writing, everything else would just kind of take care of itself. So what should I do? Keep trying or try to settle down? Maybe both options are now out of my reach. Maybe I've painted myself into a corner but the artist in me find a way to paint his way out. So we'll see. There we go. I might have rushed this at the start a little bit.

[Host]

No, it was wonderful. I was totally tuned in. I closed my eyes. I like how you ended that with just, we'll see. That's a really kind of relaxed, casual ending.

[Friend]

Yeah.

[Host]

So this is now the great attempt to paint yourself out of the corner.

[Friend]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Host]

I think, in a funny way, not to. You know, every life is so different. Personally, what changed my artistic life, the biggest shift from one thing to another, oddly, I think, was actually finding a partner. Before that, there was no good reason to kind of, I don't know, really push things, to really advance it, to really go for it. So, I mean, I was just enjoying, you know, just going from this to this. And then actually, I can kind of chart course of things going better from being in something I wanted to be in.

[Matt]

Yeah, I agree.

[Friend]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Host]

Sometimes I think you Got to do one thing before the other thing makes more sense.

[Friend]

Yeah.

[Host]

Yeah. Obviously. Easier said than done, you know, That's a tricky one.

[Matt]

It is hard. It's. And I know people who got that massively wrong. And I think. I mean, it's probably one of the worst things you can do, isn't it, to kind of like, if you have children with the wrong person, it just completely ruins the next 18 years. So you have to get that right.

[Host]

I mean, that's putting it mildly. I could be the rest of your life.

[Friend]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Matt]

And I know people who live through that and gone through the courts, spending thousands and things like that. So, I mean, that's a negative way of looking at it, of course, but it is hard to get the right person. Being in a band that's like trying to find four partners. It's so hard, like, to get it right.

[Friend]

Yeah.

[Matt]

I don't know. Is London really the place to do that? Maybe it is, but I haven't. I've been single for years now, and maybe even part of me thinking, going back to Ireland, maybe. Maybe it might be a good thing. I don't know. I don't know.

[Host]

Has there been a. A moment in your life where luck has really been on your side and has changed what has come after?

[Matt]

Yeah, loads and loads of times. Everything is. I don't. I can't remember which author was like, everything is a series of happy accidents. Lauren Stern, I think, isn't it? Are unhappy accidents in terms of, like, fate? Does fate exist? Fate doesn't exist. You're just given opportunities, either take them or you don't, and it becomes your fate kind of thing. So loads of lucky things, coming to London and meeting one person and then they put you onto this other person and then you're introduced to this whole kind of crowd or scene that you didn't know before. Loads of things like that.

[Friend]

Yeah.

[Host]

Can you think of a scene you saw recently, out and about, just with your own eyes, that has kind of stayed with you?

[Matt]

A woman walked past me the other day. I was close to Portobello Roads and she had the same perfume on as my mother. And I've never smelled anybody else who had that. I don't know what it's called and I'm not ever sure I really liked it. But one woman passed by. It reminded me of my mother, so I did like it. I was last Saturday.

[Friend]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Just haven't smelled that perfume in probably 30 years or whatever.

[Friend]

Yeah.

[Matt]

I can't think off the top of my head.

[Host]

Were you Tempted to say hello and say, that's my mother's perfume.

[Matt]

Yeah.

[Friend]

Yeah.

[Host]

I don't know if there's a way you could say that without sounding a bit creepy, though.

[Matt]

Yeah, yeah. No, I wasn't. I was just walking. I tend to ride if I walk. A bit of transit is good.

[Friend]

Yeah.

[Matt]

I can't think off the top of my head any kind of specific scene lately. I mean, it probably would be a poem by now, if something.

[Host]

Don't worry. Don't worry. If you could ask yourself a question and answer it, what would that be? I sometimes ask this question because I like. I think, well, we're only going to meet once here. And there might have been something on your mind that you wanted to talk about. So I thought sometimes I give people a chance to do that.

[Matt]

If I could ask myself one question. Why don't you do what you want to do in life? I suppose I should go out and busk more. I should go out and make things happen more.

[Friend]

Yeah.

[Matt]

Why don't I take the bull by the horns instead of drifting? But then that's my nature. I suppose you are who you are. If I wasn't the way I am, I probably wouldn't be any good at writing songs or writing poems, you know what I mean? So I kind of take my loss.

[Friend]

Yeah.

[Matt]

It would be terrible, wouldn't it, if you wanted to express yourself in some way by poetry or whatever you want to do, painting or songwriting or whatever, and just not being able to do it or doing it and being really bad at it. And I think maybe all those kind of life things you're supposed to have, the wedding probably wouldn't make up for it. I don't know. A good marriage and having good kids and stuff probably would, but a lot of the other things wouldn't, basically. So take who you are.

[Host]

Perfect. Okay, last question for you. Either answer this in a big way or a mundane way, whichever way you want to answer it, or both. What are you going to do next today?

[Matt]

Oh, you mean. All right, in a bit. Okay.

[Host]

But as in, you could say today or generally.

[Matt]

Today. I might play Snow Court, my friend, in a big way. I might have to move back to Ireland. I don't know. And a big round putting on the album. I don't know. Maybe I'll go back to Ireland and find the love of my life, have children and go to number one in music and become a successful poet. So you can see they're kind of going through. Oh, God, it's terrible. My world is not well I don't know. Maybe things. Maybe I need to kick up the ass to get out of London because I am kind of drifting a bit, I suppose. So maybe I do need a push. Maybe that's a big thing. I don't know. Maybe I go back to Ireland is terrible. Maybe I remember all the reasons I left it in the first place.

[Host]

Least you'd be definitely sure.

[Matt]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Host]

Really know now.

[Matt]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Host]

Well, whatever happens, wish you the best of luck.

[Matt]

Cheers.

[Singer]

Said my words, sang my songs? Said my song and now it's gone away? What to do to be times a serpent and I made tre and fall all the seas and oh, how I miss my home there by my mother's side. Oh, how I wish this life were written in rhyme.

[Matt]

Sa.