EPISODE 24: A Clown for a Day

Summary

Podcast Summary: Strangers on a Bench - EPISODE 24: A Clown for a Day

Host: Tom Rosenthal
Guest: Jordan
Release Date: February 24, 2025

In Episode 24 of Strangers on a Bench, host Tom Rosenthal engages in a deeply personal and introspective conversation with Jordan, a university student navigating the complexities of life, loss, and self-discovery. This episode, titled "A Clown for a Day," delves into Jordan’s daily routines, family dynamics, the profound impact of losing a parent, and aspirations for personal growth.

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1. Opening Up: Favorite Day and Daily Routines

The conversation begins with a light-hearted inquiry about Jordan’s favorite day of the week.

[00:47] Jordan: "Oh, I like Thursdays because you're still anticipating the weekend. But it's after hump day. I also won't have any class on Thursdays this semester, so that's gonna be really nice."

When Tom asks about "hump day," Jordan clarifies, highlighting his preferences and setting the stage for discussing his ideal day.

Ideal Morning Routine

Jordan paints a vivid picture of his perfect morning:

• Climate Preferences: Prefers cold enough weather to wear a sweatshirt and shorts without being freezing ([01:52]).
• Wake-Up Time: Likes to wake around 7:30-8:00 AM but allows himself to lounge until 9:00 AM ([01:52]).
• Breakfast Habits: Enjoys a simple breakfast of Yorkshire Gold tea with skim milk and sugar, toast with peanut butter and jam or Nutella, and yogurt in various flavors ([02:37]).

He emphasizes mindfulness in his morning routine, striving to avoid social media and being present during breakfast ([03:09]).

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2. Family Dynamics and Responsibilities

Jordan discusses his role within his family, highlighting his relationship with his mother and sister.

[05:13] Jordan: "Oh, my God, no."
[05:26] Jordan: "I don't think I might be the favorite child."

He feels a strong sense of responsibility, often handling emotional labor when extended family members share their problems. His mother, a nurse, has instilled in him a love for art and music, creating a deep bond between them ([05:48]).

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3. A Life-Altering Moment: The Death of Jordan’s Father

A significant portion of the episode revolves around Jordan recounting the sudden death of his father when he was 13 years old.

[06:11] Jordan: "He is dead."

Jordan shares the emotional turmoil following his father's unexpected heart attack on Christmas in 2015:

• Memorable Details: The specific shirt his father was wearing and the show Jordan was watching at the time ([08:39]).
• Emotional Impact: The event served as a catalyst for Jordan’s shift from aspiring to be a doctor to pursuing a passion for art and filmmaking ([09:34]).

[09:44] Jordan: "That's what I'm gonna do. And then you see someone die..."

He reflects on how this tragedy influenced his artistic expression and life choices, transforming personal loss into creative motivation.

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4. Coping with Stress and Mental Health

Jordan opens up about his ongoing journey with stress and seeking therapy to manage the residual effects of his father's death.

[12:06] Jordan: "So everything surrounding him and then how he affected our family. So in that process, I've talked a bit about how I'm trying to be more mindful with my time..."

Key insights include:

• Mindfulness Practices: Aiming to stay present to reduce stress ([12:06]).
• Understanding Personal Rhythms: Recognizes different states throughout the day and their impact on stress levels ([13:00]).
• Encouraging Self-Care: Advocates for engaging in activities one enjoys without guilt ([13:17]).

Despite being in a new environment in London, Jordan acknowledges the challenges of adapting and the slow nature of personal transformation ([14:06]).

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5. Aspirations and Identity: The Desire to Act

Jordan expresses a yearning to explore acting as a means of experiencing multiple lives and embracing vulnerability.

[16:25] Jordan: "There is a part of me that wants to be an actress..."

However, he hesitates due to concerns about financial stability and the inherent vulnerability in being publicly visible. The idea evolves into contemplating embracing different personas, even humorously considering spending a day as a clown to break out of his comfort zone ([17:37]).

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6. Social Life and Seeking Connection

Discussing his social experiences, Jordan reveals:

• Limited Long-Term Relationships: Hasn't had a "proper boyfriend" and finds long-term relationships impractical due to academic commitments ([22:32]).
• Observing Others: Finds himself watching couples in places like the National Gallery, reflecting on human connection and possibly hinting at feelings of loneliness ([23:09]).
• Innovative Dating Ideas: entertains unconventional methods like handing out clown-themed business cards to spark intrigue and connection ([25:02]).

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7. Unique Personal Quirks: Dipping Apples in Ketchup

In a light-hearted segment, Jordan shares his distinctive habit of dipping apples in ketchup, explaining the unique flavor combination and texture.

[29:07] Jordan: "I've got to do something..."

He details the sensory experience:

• Sweetness of Apples vs. Umami of Ketchup: Creation of a balanced taste profile ([29:15]).
• Texture Contrast: Overcoming the slimy texture of ketchup on apples ([29:51]).

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8. Reflection and Future Endeavors

As the conversation wraps up, Jordan contemplates his next steps and the potential impact of this interaction.

[30:07] Jordan: "After this, I'm gonna try to find my way back to Hampstead Heath Station..."

He muses on the serendipitous nature of meeting new people and the artistic value of such encounters, emphasizing the unpredictable yet meaningful connections that can arise from casual interactions ([30:51]).

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9. Closing Moments: A Poetic Farewell

The episode concludes with an evocative poem, capturing the essence of longing and the human desire for connection:

The faucet's running the room is still and bright
Outside neighbors are talking
Walking in morning light
World is whirring fading, stirring
Bodies blurring, braiding, merging
Fingers curling in my hair
the weight of wanting is so crushing
Wanting something, nothing but to know that you are there...

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Conclusion

Episode 24 of Strangers on a Bench offers listeners an intimate glimpse into Jordan’s life, marked by personal loss, resilience, and the quest for self-expression. Through candid conversations and reflective moments, the episode underscores the profound impact of our experiences on shaping who we are and who we aspire to become.

Notable Quotes:

• Jordan on Mindfulness:
  "[03:09] I'm never hungry super early in the morning, so I'll make a tea. I like Yorkshire Gold with skim milk and two sugars..."

• Jordan on Father's Death:
  "[09:34] I'm gonna try to make art for my life."

• Jordan on Personal Quirks:
  "[29:07] Sometimes I will dip apples in ketchup."

• Jordan on Future Aspirations:
  "[16:25] There is a part of me that wants to be an actress..."

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Strangers on a Bench continues to explore the hidden stories and emotions of everyday people, fostering connections that transcend anonymity and revealing the shared human experience.

Transcript

[Alex]

Hello. Sorry to bother you. Can I ask you a slightly odd question? I'm making a podcast called Strangers on a Bench, where essentially I talk to people I don't know on benches for 10 or 15 minutes. Are you up for that? Do you want to give it a. What's your favorite day of the week?

[Jordan]

Oh, I like Thursdays because you're still anticipating the weekend. But it's after hump day. I also won't have any class on Thursdays this semester, so that's gonna be really nice.

[Alex]

What is hump day?

[Jordan]

Wednesday. It's the middle of the week.

[Alex]

Is that what we call hump day?

[Jordan]

Yeah. You learn something new.

[Alex]

Yeah, you do. I feel like I really should have known that. Oh, wow. Okay. So does that mean you're feeling glorious today?

[Jordan]

Oh, it is Thursday. That's right. Oh, my God. Maybe it's not my favorite day then. I didn't have any true plans today, so I was like, I'll go somewhere scenic and read.

[Alex]

Today has been a kind of day. You've had today off. Vaguely. You've had it to yourself. Take me from the minute you wake up to the moment you go to bed. What for you is a kind of ideal day of. Give me as much detail as possible. So we're getting up.

[Jordan]

We're getting up. So hopefully the room is kind of cold and sunny, ideally. I like, is it really cold?

[Alex]

How cold are we talking?

[Jordan]

Not freezing, but, like, enough that you can wear, like a sweatshirt and shorts. That's ideal weather for me, I think. And then I like waking up around, like 7:30, 8:00, but then not getting up until maybe 9. I like lounging, reading. I'm trying to be better about not checking my social media in the morning. It's not going well, but maybe someday. I don't know.

[Alex]

But there's an intention there.

[Jordan]

There is an intention. And I live in university housing right now, so because I don't want to look like an absolute monster when I go into the shared kitchen, I'll do, like, my eyebrows and, like, my little green color corrector concealer so I'm not like, bright red. And then I'll go downstairs. Breakfast. I'm not good about breakfast.

[Alex]

What does that mean?

[Jordan]

I'm never hungry super early in the morning, so I'll do. I'll make a tea. I like Yorkshire Gold with skim milk and two sugars. And then usually toast with either peanut butter and, like, jam on it or peanut butter Nutella and then a yogurt. I like strawberry yogurt. I like peach yogurt. I like blueberry yogurt. You want a detail? I'm giving you detail. So that's breakfast. I like to eat breakfast by myself. But if people are in there, like, I'll chill out with them. That's fine.

[Alex]

You can't just share them off.

[Jordan]

I'd feel really bad again. Trying to be better about not even reading or like anything while I'm having my breakfast. Trying to be really intentional, being mindful. And that's done. I'll do my makeup and then my same jewelry that I wear every day, which I guess people won't be able to see this.

[Alex]

They won't, but.

[Jordan]

But it's. I wear silver, not gold. Leave the hat.

[Alex]

Why?

[Jordan]

Why? Because I would wear gold. But it's. It doesn't work with my undertones. I'm a winter, so I'm like, cool toned.

[Alex]

Let's rewind a bit. What does a winter undertone mean?

[Jordan]

A winter. So there's the color seasons for your complexion. If you're a winter, you have cooler undertones in your skin and your hair. But if you're a fall, it's warmer. So if you're warmer, you compliment gold and if you're cool, you compliment silver. Yeah.

[Alex]

Can I ask you who invented that?

[Jordan]

I don't know, but they probably wanted to make money or something and I'm sure they did.

[Alex]

So you get on all the kit and then you. What are we on now? Like 10:00?

[Jordan]

Yeah, 10:00 so far.

[Alex]

There's so much room to go.

[Jordan]

So much room to go. I know. So much detail, detail, detail.

[Alex]

So then what we're talking ideal.

[Jordan]

I do. I like going places where I can walk. I do like walking. Listening to music while I'm walking. Scenic places. I'm not a big picture taker, but if I see something that really catches my eye, I'll stop.

[Alex]

When was the last time we did that?

[Jordan]

About 15 minutes ago.

[Alex]

What was it?

[Jordan]

This. This kind of vista.

[Alex]

So you took a picture of that and you're sending it to anyone?

[Jordan]

Probably my mom, maybe my sister. Because they're not here, so.

[Alex]

But they're alive.

[Jordan]

They are alive. They are alive. Yeah. Yeah. My sister's at school right now. My mom is. I don't know what she's doing right.

[Alex]

Now, but take a guess. What do you think your mum is doing now?

[Jordan]

Probably like yoga or something. She's really into that.

[Alex]

Do you follow in her footsteps?

[Jordan]

Oh, my God, no.

[Alex]

I'm not flexible.

[Jordan]

She wishes. But I think it's Kind of one of those things, you know, like your parents try to get you to do something and you know it's good for you, but because they're telling you to do it, you just don't want to do it.

[Alex]

So are there other ways you disappoint your mother?

[Jordan]

I don't think so. I think I might be the favorite child.

[Alex]

Nice.

[Jordan]

If she had to choose between the three of us in a fire, I think it would be me.

[Alex]

What do you think you've done to earn that spot?

[Jordan]

I'm the oldest daughter, so I think there's kind of a camaraderie, and we have a lot of the family responsibilities.

[Alex]

What are the family responsibilities?

[Jordan]

The emotional labor of extended family telling you all their problems and stuff. And then she very much instilled my love of art and music. So we bond over that. I'm kind of like her person. She says so.

[Alex]

Wow.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Alex]

So she just says it.

[Jordan]

She just says it.

[Alex]

Amazing.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Well, that must feel good. What about your father?

[Jordan]

He is dead.

[Alex]

Oh, he's dead.

[Jordan]

Yes. I will talk about. I love.

[Alex]

Okay, well, let's talk about. Well, you'll be. You'll be happy to. That I also have a dead dad, so, you know, I'm, you know, we.

[Jordan]

Can talk about that.

[Alex]

Complete expert.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Alex]

I love the idea of big head. Yeah, I've got it. I've got it absolutely sorted. Tell me about him. I suppose that's the obvious question.

[Jordan]

Yeah. I think it could go anywhere from there. Is that so obvious?

[Alex]

No, that's not.

[Jordan]

I was 13 when he died. It was four days after Christmas 2015. I just turned 13. He had a heart attack. At the moment, he was, like, kind of physically unhealthy. So not that unexpected when you really think about it.

[Alex]

But you didn't. I'm guessing you weren't before that Christmas going, oh, Father might be biting, dropped dead.

[Jordan]

No, definitely not. I do remember. I don't really subscribe to it anymore, but my family's Catholic, and at that Christmas Eve mass, the priest said, oh, this might be the last Christmas for some of you. And I were thinking, oh, that's so strange. And then four days later, he died. Yeah. I was like, oh, my God, what if that was like a sign from some higher power and I should have taken it more seriously?

[Alex]

Well, I suppose that would have meant going around to all the people you know and warning them. I guess by then, if your father would have built up a lifetime of some not great practices, it might be a bit. Probably too late. Four days. But you never know.

[Jordan]

Yeah. He was a surgeon, so there was a lot of stress from that job. And then also just, like, his family history that would take way too long for this situation to get into.

[Alex]

That was a lot.

[Jordan]

Yeah. And so that just kind of all piled on him, and then it was just too much.

[Alex]

Where were you when he died?

[Jordan]

I was at home. So I was watching the show Big Time Rush on Nickelodeon, and he came into our family room and sat down on the couch. I remember thinking, oh, he's breathing, like, really weirdly. But I didn't think anything of it. I thought that maybe he had just been like. I don't even know what I thought he was doing. I was like, are you okay? He didn't respond. And then I was like, okay, maybe he's snoring. And it's just a weird snore left the room, came back in, and then my mom and my sister were kind of over him, like, freaking out, and that's when it all kind of spiraled.

[Alex]

Wow. So you were totally there.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Do you remember? Obviously, you remember that moment, but is there anything kind of that you remember of that moment that you're not sure why you remember it?

[Jordan]

Yes. One thing that sticks with me a lot is the shirt that he was wearing. It was a white shirt, but then it had, like, a pink gingham, but it was a plaid gingham situation. I have one memory of him wearing that same shirt at Christmas, like, say three or four years before that. And it's like, wow, that's the shirt that he died in. That stuck with me for some odd reason. And then also the show that I was watching, Big Time Rush, I couldn't watch that for then, like, years after, because I was like, ooh, what if something else bad happens?

[Alex]

Yeah. I'm surprised you went back to it.

[Jordan]

I did, because I was like, you.

[Alex]

Had to break the curse or something.

[Jordan]

Yeah. Because if I keep avoiding it, that kind of stuff's gonna keep, you know? Yeah. Like the books that I was reading at the time, eventually I was like, I have to just do it. Yeah.

[Alex]

What part of yourself did you kind of gain that day? As in what. What. What kind of rose within you?

[Jordan]

I think that in some very morbid way, the artist side of me was like, oh, now you have some great tragedy to pull from. And I know that's really bad, but it is something that I do kind of draw upon a lot when I do my art stuff. I'm a filmmaker or I'm a film student, and I write and I do English, but also, I don't know. I think that's kind of the day, because some people are like, oh, I have this day definitively where I grew up. And that was kind of the day. That was another big thing, too, is before that, I had wanted to, like, be a doctor or something, but it never felt right. It just was like, that's what I'm gonna do. And then you see someone die, and you're like, oh, it just happened so suddenly and for no reason, and it's kind of gross, so why not just do what I actually want to do? And that's kind of when I decided, okay, I'm gonna try to make art for my life.

[Alex]

That was a turning point.

[Jordan]

Yeah, I think so. Maybe not like on that day, but I think that was maybe, like, the catalyst. Yeah. And it snowballed from there.

[Alex]

Did you keep anything of his?

[Jordan]

I have one of his college sweatshirts, but it's so ratty now that I don't think I've worn it in, like, a few years. To go back to our earlier conversation for that Christmas before he died, he gave me a necklace, but it's gold, so I don't wear it.

[Alex]

Oh, God.

[Jordan]

But it's kind of ugly, too, a little bit. It's like. It's like this. Really?

[Alex]

Can you frame it or something?

[Jordan]

I probably could.

[Alex]

That's an idea.

[Jordan]

Yeah, that's a good idea.

[Alex]

And you could have it up near you and just look at it. I think it is good. I think it is good having a. Well, I have something of my father's in all corners of my room. I've got his old guitar, which I play quite.

[Jordan]

You do play it.

[Alex]

And then there's a photo classic. And then, like, kind of a painting he did of a dog.

[Jordan]

Yeah, actually. Yeah. So I do have a lot of his paintings.

[Alex]

What was his painting like?

[Jordan]

He did watercolors, and he actually didn't start doing them until my brother and I were, like, maybe two or three. And he just kind of picked it up painting alongside us because, you know, kids are finger painting. And then he started to take it seriously.

[Alex]

You say he was very stressed. What is your relationship with stress now, like yourself?

[Jordan]

I'm in therapy. Because everything surrounding him and then how he affected our family. So in that process, I've talked a bit about how I'm trying to be more mindful with my time, because I think when you're in the moment, you're less likely to be stressed about all the bits and pieces that are kind of flying around you all the time. I'm very mindful of my cortisol levels. And I think because he was a surgeon, my mom's a nurse, I do have this medical aspect to my stress and thinking of the chemical, how that's affecting my body, but then also when I'm stressed, when anyone's stressed, you're not fully committing yourself to the things that you want to be doing. And I'm trying to do more of the things that I want to be doing.

[Alex]

So what have you learned so far in your kind of stress journey that's been an impact?

[Jordan]

I think understanding that, you know, the way you are in the morning is going to be different to the way you are at 3pm is going to be different to the way you are when you go to sleep. So there's that shift that can always happen. I don't know. I wish I had a better answer.

[Alex]

We got one.

[Jordan]

Do the things that you like. Even if. Because I feel like there's sometimes a guilt that comes with doing the things that you like, but if you like doing them, why feel guilty about it? That's so true. Yeah.

[Alex]

What's your guilty, like thing?

[Jordan]

Oh, no, I don't want to say it. I'm not gonna say it.

[Alex]

It went through her head. So there's no great revelation so far in your stress journey?

[Jordan]

I don't think so.

[Alex]

That's like gonna. That's changed your game.

[Jordan]

Yeah. I was kind of hoping that I've been here in London for almost two weeks and I was kind of hoping that the change in scenery would cause some big switch to go off. And it hasn't yet.

[Alex]

As a distress switch.

[Jordan]

Yeah. The stress. Being able to be more present.

[Alex]

Well, you. So you just. You've just literally just learned it two weeks ago.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Here. And you've not been here before?

[Jordan]

I have not. I've never left the country before.

[Alex]

It makes sense that that switch isn't going to go off very quickly. I mean, you know, London is pretty hectic. Yeah, it's quite intense.

[Jordan]

Intense. That is a good word.

[Alex]

There's a lot. There's a lot of people and they're, you know, doing all kinds of different things. The person that just passed us is the famous Englishman. That guy in the blue shirt.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Alex]

That's Michael Palin.

[Jordan]

I don't know who that is. I looked quickly at that. I was like, oh, that's David Attenborough. But I feel like he's probably too old to be walking.

[Alex]

He's actually like. I would say he's Like. Like one rung below Attenborough for, like, legend status.

[Jordan]

What does he do?

[Alex]

Have you heard of Monty Python?

[Jordan]

Oh, no way. No way. I actually don't like Monty Python, but that's cool.

[Alex]

Yeah, that's him. There you go. So sorry. Where were we? I was distracted by Palin there. And we talk about London.

[Jordan]

London.

[Alex]

Yeah, It's. It's. Yeah. I mean, it's a lot. And you have not been here before. You've not been out your own country. That's wild. So it's like. It's a. It's gonna be hard to. To turn stuff off right away. It's almost not worth bothering, like, the attempt, because you're just gonna punish yourself.

[Jordan]

Well, maybe that's good to hear someone else say, because I was feeling like, oh, maybe I'm just. It's just not gonna happen if it didn't happen, but. So. Thank you.

[Alex]

Two weeks is such a short time in a new place. Are you trying to be a different person at all? You know, on the plane where you're like, you know, oh, I'm gonna be, you know, really this. But, you know, I'm gonna change it up.

[Jordan]

That I've talked about people before is I have this image of, like, who I am now, who I want to be, and I'm trying to find that bridge, and I was hoping that maybe this would be that bridge, and it hasn't yet, so maybe that's not my problem at all.

[Alex]

It's just when it's like you're lying to me. On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being very light and 10 being dark, what kind of question do you like to. What do you want? Do you want.

[Jordan]

Seven?

[Alex]

That's a good number, I think. What do you wish you had more courage to do that you currently don't have?

[Jordan]

There is a part of me that wants to be an actress, but I don't think that I have it in me to be poor, because success is never guaranteed, at least straight away, unless your parents, you know, an A lister or something. And I think also there's, like, the vulnerability aspect of it where I don't know that I want to be that visible to people all the time.

[Alex]

So what part of you wants to do it then? What's the bit that's keen?

[Jordan]

Because I hate that there's only this one life and consciousness that I have right now. But if you're an actor, then you can have so many different lives, I guess, and you're one.

[Alex]

You could always just in a way of keeping it much cheaper is to just do that week to week to be a different person. Choose who you're gonna be.

[Jordan]

That's so true.

[Alex]

You could be, you know, a clown tomorrow and just go kind of casting around the place.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Alex]

And just wear the kit and just say you're a clown and then just be like, I've lived a day as a clown. What's funny is there's nothing stopping you doing that.

[Jordan]

Well, I'm kind of stopping myself from doing that. But there's really no clue.

[Alex]

Exactly. There's no. No one's gonna kind of as soon as you leave your door, go, no, sorry, back in. There's strict laws about clowning.

[Jordan]

Clowning. I don't know what the clown laws are here. They could be very different.

[Alex]

I don't know the clown laws. I like whole scroll of clown lores out there. I mean, I think maybe you should. I mean, anything like that you'd love to do for a day. Just be. I mean, who would you be?

[Jordan]

Just be anything for a day.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

Maybe just someone that talks in the middle of class and, like, is really rude. Because I think I'm always trying to be very considerate of the professor or not interrupting people. So then maybe I'll just be a total. To use the British term, wanker for a day or something. I'll be a person that uses British slang for a day. That's what I'll do.

[Alex]

So you want to be ruder in class?

[Jordan]

I don't want to be ruder, but I think if I'm gonna do something for a day, maybe that's what I would do. Maybe not then. I don't know. Maybe what I'm trying to get at is I'd be more outgoing. I'd go out of my way to not be quiet and timid.

[Alex]

You don't seem particularly ingoing to me in going.

[Jordan]

I think.

[Alex]

Sorry, ingoing is not a word. You seem fairly outgoing.

[Jordan]

I think maybe I'm just trying to give a good show for the podcast. Maybe, like, I appreciate someone that, like, just keeps talking when they have the chance to. And I think. And there is part of me that wants to be able to just keep going and talking and saying whatever I want. So maybe this is really. Maybe this will be another transformative moment for me.

[Alex]

We have your father's death and this and this and that's it. That's all you need now.

[Jordan]

The guy with the podcast on the bench.

[Alex]

I became a clown. I won my Oscar following the clown.

[Jordan]

You'll be in My speech.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

I do need an idea for a thesis film that I'll be shooting in the spring, so maybe I'll be. Someone did a clown film last year, though, so I can't because then I'll be copying them.

[Alex]

Maybe we come up with an idea now. What do you need?

[Jordan]

So it needs to be cheap, enough of a crew that people will want to work on it. But also it can't be like extremely VFX heavy and like that kind of stuff.

[Alex]

I met a young guy on that side of the hill doing this. Sorry. He said he wanted to make his life more exciting. And I said, after we've recorded this, why don't we just roll down the hill, just together, even though we've just met? He's like, yeah, that's an interesting idea. And then we thought about. It's funny that we talk about it. No one would ever know that if we did roll down the hill or not. But we talked about it and then we did roll down the hill. You did roll down the hill, and it was wonderful. I don't know if that's a film I did.

[Jordan]

That's kind of beautiful, though.

[Alex]

Oh, yeah. He had a brain tumor as well.

[Jordan]

What?

[Alex]

He had a brain tumor, but luckily not a non killy one.

[Jordan]

Okay.

[Alex]

But it was bad. But he was about to go to his appointment.

[Jordan]

Oh, my God, that's intense.

[Alex]

He'd come to think. And I think, oddly, you can kind of see. This is a weird thing to admit, actually out loud, but I think I could, like kind of a weird superpower of mine has become to see the people who are, like, thinking the most from the furthest distance away. So, I mean. Yeah, so I could, like, look at all the different people on the benches and have a real sense of like, their levels of introspection at any given time, you know? So when I was walking for you, then I saw you, I could just. I think it's just like this, like, it's a. Again, it's a really very hard one to explain. But like, you just get an instinct even from just like the tiniest details. How they're holding themselves, how much are they, like looking up, you know, are they like very like. Or are they open? And I could see there was a kind of openness there or enough. But sometimes that's what you want. You just want like a little bit of openness and that's kind of more exciting, you know, that's why I chose you.

[Jordan]

Beautiful. Cool. It wasn't like the red handbag or something?

[Alex]

No, it Wasn't it? Wasn't that at all. I actually not sure even I really all that. Sorry to be bad to that. I mean it's a lovely handbag. Did you want it to be the handbag?

[Jordan]

No, but I figured everything's green and then you got the red.

[Alex]

It is very red. It is very red. But nobody was handbag. Are you hoping to find love in London? Presuming you. Presuming you're not. You have a left. Maybe you've left.

[Jordan]

I haven't, no. So I've never had like a proper boyfriend before.

[Alex]

What does that mean to you?

[Jordan]

Like someone that you're with for like long term. Like I've had like talking stages, whatever that means. Like you're like texting, you're just like chatting all the time but never something consistent or something that lasts more than like a week or two. And I think because I would have to go home, it would just be too much of a. Like a fling would be fun but not really like a long term relationship with this as nice as it would be. I'm not really in the place where I think it would be practical.

[Alex]

You were here for how long?

[Jordan]

For a semester.

[Alex]

Okay.

[Jordan]

If I was here for like a year.

[Alex]

Well, it's an intriguing amount of time. You think, you know, give yourself a headache.

[Jordan]

You know, I did notice when I went to the National Gallery, I'm surrounded by all these famous works of art and they're beautiful and they're historic and I was just watching the couples the whole time.

[Alex]

Well, I mean that's just so human. Yeah, I mean I think that's a completely fair thing to do. As long as you're looking at something.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Curious about something. Be it the art, be it the people watching the art. It's a classic date scenario as well. I have a friend who repeats the same date situation to a tee. Like with every first date he goes on. As in he meets with a particular art gallery that do a late night on a Thursday and then they have a drink and then he walks a particular way to the train station and even has a spot that he thinks is good if they were to kiss or not. So it's all a bit weird.

[Jordan]

And then he judges them based on how they follow the script that he has put.

[Alex]

I don't really know. I mean he actually is one of the more intriguing figures though. I know, I do know quite a lot of humans. He is one of the more intriguing ones. But I suppose actually it is quite interesting to have this kind of stimulus separate to each other to look at and to kind of. It's quite an interesting revealer of who you are, what you think of. I suppose it's a really reveal that you actually were interested in the couples.

[Jordan]

Maybe I'm lonely.

[Alex]

Maybe you would have been forced to look at the art if you're with someone.

[Jordan]

But.

[Alex]

Yeah, well, see how you get on and, you know, good luck with that.

[Jordan]

Yeah. I'm like, do I. Do I even bother with the dating apps? I don't know. We'll see.

[Alex]

Maybe just go. Just walk about.

[Jordan]

Just walk about. Yeah.

[Alex]

You know, you could just have a. Just have a card that says your name. Just hand it out to people you think look interesting. Maybe something a bit intriguing. Maybe there's some kind of imagery on it. It's like a clown.

[Jordan]

Like a clown. My business card.

[Alex]

There's a clown on one side. The other side is just your name. And then you hand it out to whoever you think is looking interesting on public transport. Or it's cheap. Public transport's bit better because you can hand it as you're getting off. So it's like.

[Jordan]

That's true.

[Alex]

So all you got to do hand it. They take it. Now, if they're getting a card.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Alex]

And they're like, oh, that is going to, like, arouse some kind of intrigue there. Like, then the ball's in their court. It's actually quite clever, actually, because you're making the first move. But, yeah, it's all that is.

[Jordan]

But it's also on them at that point.

[Alex]

It's just the hand.

[Jordan]

Imagine that, the hand. But then also, because I'm not the kind of person that would typically do that, I'm giving a false first impression.

[Alex]

I mean, I would argue that most first impressions are false on the whole. Everyone's keen to present a particular side of them. At least, if not false, they are covering potentially other sides. I mean, it's not like it's not the full picture, at least. Yeah, I know that's an idea for you. That could be your film idea as well.

[Jordan]

My film idea. We've come up with like. You've come up with like five.

[Alex]

Okay, I've got to go in about five, 10 minutes. I'm gonna just ask them a crucial, exciting question.

[Jordan]

Okay.

[Alex]

Is there any part of yourself that you. You wish people could see better?

[Jordan]

I wish that when I'm timid, I hope people can see that. It's not because I'm stupid or because I'm. I don't know what to say. I have a lot of Things to say. I just feel like there's never a good time to say it. I do wish the people would recognize my, like, curiosity more. And I do. I don't drink, but I still like going out. And I wish that was more known, that just because you don't indulge doesn't mean that you don't want to spend time with people. I think that's been a consistent theme over the last year, actually. So I think maybe that's the big one.

[Alex]

What's been the greatest revelation of not drinking alcohol for you? Am I assuming you never have, or.

[Jordan]

You didn't, or you still. I'll do champagne on New Year's or something. But I think it's that it's like, you don't need to dull your senses to have a good time. Because I think if you're more aware, you're more likely to take it in and see these things that are great about your situation and be more likely to appreciate them. Maybe.

[Alex]

Yeah, that's wise. We've done that. We've done the, like, the presuming your dad dying was the worst day of your life. What's been the best?

[Jordan]

The best. Ooh. I think about this a lot. I don't have one, really. I think I have a lot of good days and, like, good moments that are, like, happy, but nothing that's, like, the best, really.

[Alex]

Clown day. It's coming.

[Jordan]

It's coming. Hopefully soon.

[Alex]

It's very soon. I can feel it.

[Jordan]

Yeah. And you have a sense for those things.

[Alex]

What question would you like to ask yourself and answer it, please, no pressure.

[Jordan]

Will. Will you be the kind of person to, like, meal plan and. I won't. And it would be nice. It would be the. The responsible, adult thing to do. But I. I would rather read or I would rather, I don't know, just kind of sit and stare at a wall on a Sunday night than cook chicken or whatever?

[Alex]

Yeah, that's a. I mean, you did a job there. You did. What's one thing you do which you think no one else does in terms of your, like, daily practices?

[Jordan]

Daily practices. This isn't a daily thing. But sometimes I will go on. I will dip apples in ketchup.

[Alex]

Yes. Now we're talking. It's because it's serious business. Explain yourself.

[Jordan]

You got the sweetness. The sweetness of the apple, whatever kind it is. And then the ketchup. You got the umami from the tomato. You've got the vinegar, so it's sour, but it's also. It's a bit earthy. And it's salty, of course. And then, you know, contrasting flavors are always great together. So it. The texture is a bit strange because the ketchup can get a bit slimy on the apple, but you can get past it very quickly once you start chewing. And it all kind of goes together.

[Alex]

Well, that's. That's a revelation. That's the first. That's the first time I've heard of that one. I feel like nothing's gonna quite top that. So I'll go to the final question, which is the same one that everyone gets.

[Jordan]

Okay.

[Alex]

The question is, what are you going to do next?

[Jordan]

Ooh. I think after this, I'm gonna try to find my way back to Hampstead Heath Station. And then I will be thinking about this conversation, and I will be thinking about maybe this will actually be the moment that gets me where I want to go. And I think that would be cool if it is.

[Alex]

You never know. It's all possible. I mean, not to be too dramatic or anything, but it is always, like, incredibly unlikely that two people meet, given the fact that, as far as I know, I'm the only person in London today recording people on benches, whatever that means.

[Jordan]

It's art. It's art.

[Alex]

Well, thank you very much.

[Jordan]

Thank you. This has been lovely.

[Alex]

Bon voyage.

[Jordan]

Bon voyage.

[Unknown]

The faucet's running the room is still and bright Outside neighbors are talking Walking in morning light World is whirring fading, stirring Bodies blurring, braiding, merging Fingers curling in my hair the weight of wanting is so crushing Wanting something, nothing but to know that you are there but do I hold my love in a drop to fill a cup to fill an ocean but do I hold my love in? It's always be it out fading, stirring 30s blurring, braiding, merging Fingers curling in my hair Hurting me the weight of wanting is so crushing Wanting something, wanting nothing but to know that you are there.