Strangers on a Bench: Episode 28 – "A Dancer's Mind"

In Episode 28 of Strangers on a Bench, titled "A Dancer's Mind," host Tom Rosenthal engages in a profound and intimate conversation with a guest whose life intertwines the worlds of dance, spirituality, and personal reflection. The episode delves deep into themes of faith, family, loss, parenting, and the intrinsic connection between movement and the human psyche. Below is a detailed summary capturing the essence of their dialogue.

1. Introduction: A Chance Encounter

The episode begins with Tom approaching a stranger on a London park bench, introducing his podcast concept that involves conversing with anonymous individuals to uncover their unique life stories.

Tom Rosenthal [00:04]:

"Hello. Sorry to bother you. Can I ask you a slightly odd question? I'm making a podcast called Strangers on a Bench where essentially I talk to people I don't know on benches for 10 or 15 minutes. Are you up for that?"

2. Faith and Spirituality: From Christianity to Buddhism

The conversation swiftly navigates the guest's spiritual journey. Initially, the guest shares a fondness for Sundays, reminiscing about his younger days attending church, which instilled a sense of peace.

Guest [00:49]:

"I like Sundays because when I was younger I used to go to church and that. So I get that slight peaceful feeling of, you know, it's a day to enjoy yourself."

However, he reveals a departure from Christianity, attributing his shift to the diverse religious influences in his family and his eventual discovery of Buddhism. This transition highlights his quest for personal wisdom and moral grounding outside traditional religious doctrines.

Guest [01:30]:

"There were a lot of different religions in my family, so it left me free, I guess, to choose which one. And someone introduced me to Buddhism when I'd stopped practicing all religions. And I found that one just seemed to work for me..."

Tom Rosenthal [01:56]:

"So what is it about Buddhism that kind of appealed to you?"

Guest [02:01]:

"I think that ability to make your own mind up about things... you can manifest your own wisdom."

3. Family Dynamics and Personal Loss

The guest opens up about his family, mentioning his daughter and a strained relationship with his sister. This tension is rooted in their shared background in dance training, leading to emotional distance and regret over insufficient communication during their youth.

Guest [04:22]:

"I have to be very careful... I don't want our relationship to break down like that."

The dialogue takes a poignant turn as the guest shares the tragic loss of his sister, who died by suicide. This personal loss significantly influenced his embrace of Buddhism, providing him solace and a path to healing.

Guest [10:02]:

"I have a sister who won't talk to me at all, so I don't want our relationship to break down like that."

Guest [10:20]:

"She took her own life. That was very sad. Yes. Yeah. Which is probably why I started to practice Buddhism."

4. The Dance Career and Its Impact

A substantial portion of the conversation explores the guest's dance career, highlighting memorable moments such as performing in the West End's West Side Story with a live orchestra and starring in a ballet production based on Cinderella. These experiences underscore his passion for dance and its role in shaping his identity.

Guest [23:42]:

"I think the two things was... doing West Side Story in the West End with the live orchestra."

Tom Rosenthal [24:16]:

"When? What, may I ask? When was that?"

Guest [24:18]:

"Was Bill Kenwright's production... it was the original choreography, which was Leonard Bernstein."

The guest reflects on how dance demands intense focus, serving as a medium to escape and express profound emotions.

Guest [25:08]:

"The fantastic thing about that sort of dance is it's a bit like doing something so difficult that you just can't worry about anything else."

5. Parenting and Life Reflections

Transitioning to parenthood, the guest discusses his daughter, emphasizing the challenges and joys of raising a child. He contemplates the societal pressures surrounding the "biological clock" and expresses concerns about the complexities of modern parenting, such as artificial insemination.

Guest [07:06]:

"I think my daughter's left it too late. And then we just don't know. It's unlikely now that you have children."

Guest [16:25]:

"I'd rather sort of like a situation where people have children out of wedlock and everything. And we accept that rather than these donors that you haven't a clue about..."

These reflections reveal his desire for a more natural approach to life and reproduction, aligning with his love for nature and Buddhist principles.

6. Reading People and the Dancer's Mind

An intriguing segment explores the concept of a "dancer's mind." The guest explains how dance training enhances his ability to read people's movements, capturing subtle emotional cues through body language. This skill not only enriches his interactions but also deepens his appreciation for human expression.

Tom Rosenthal [18:28]:

"Obviously you've studied dance and you are a dancer. I think you never stop. You never stop being a dancer, surely."

Guest [18:35]:

"People often say to me, I have a dancer's mind. And I do because we tend to copy people a bit more and do what we're told."

They even engage in a playful game of interpreting the movements of passersby, illustrating the guest's keen observational skills developed through his dance background.

7. Personal Challenges and Aspirations

The dialogue touches on personal challenges, including marital status and life's unpredictability. The guest expresses a longing for a more fulfilling future, whether in this life or the next, highlighting his aspirations for happiness, stability, and continued engagement with dance.

Guest [26:08]:

"Next life, I hope I'm more happily married. And I would love to, actually."

Guest [25:36]:

"What are you going to do next minute or next hour or next life or next two weeks?"

These musings reveal a reflective and hopeful outlook, seeking balance between past experiences and future possibilities.

8. Conclusion: Embracing the Present

As the episode winds down, the guest and host share lighter moments, interacting with children and reminiscing about joyful memories. The guest's final thoughts emphasize the importance of living in the present and letting go of past sorrows, aligning with Buddhist teachings.

Guest [25:46]:

"I'm gonna stay here for a bit and it's such a beautiful day. I'm just gonna soak this up and then I'll walk home and have some lunch."

The episode concludes with a heartfelt song that encapsulates the themes of love, loss, and moving forward, leaving listeners with a sense of closure and contemplation.

Singer [26:44-28:31]:

"Paris skies, Russian walls Music plays and all your thoughts fall empty for a... ...learn to let it fly can only change tomorrow Leave what's passed behind..."

Notable Quotes

• Guest [02:01]:

  "I chant and that way I can manifest my own wisdom."

• Guest [10:34]:

  "She took her own life... which is probably why I started to practice Buddhism."

• Guest [18:35]:

  "People often say to me, I have a dancer's mind. And I do because we tend to copy people a bit more and do what we're told."

• Guest [25:26]:

  "I've got to end it on the same question. And the last question I'm going to ask you is what are you going to do next?"

Final Thoughts

Episode 28 of Strangers on a Bench provides a heartfelt exploration of a dancer's life journey, marked by artistic passion, spiritual seeking, familial bonds, and personal loss. Through candid dialogue, Tom Rosenthal and his guest offer listeners a window into the complexities of balancing personal beliefs, relationships, and the inexorable passage of time. The episode serves as a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the enduring quest for meaning and happiness.