Strangers on a Bench: EPISODE 29 – Mushrooms, Mothers, and Dark Hours

Host: Tom Rosenthal Release Date: March 31, 2025

In Episode 29 of Strangers on a Bench, host Tom Rosenthal engages in a profound and intimate conversation with an anonymous guest, delving deep into themes of self-discovery, substance abuse, family dynamics, and emotional healing. This episode, titled "Mushrooms, Mothers, and Dark Hours," takes listeners on an emotional journey through the guest's personal experiences and insights.

1. Embracing Monday: A Day of Renewal

The conversation kicks off with a seemingly simple question: the guest's favorite day of the week. Contrary to popular preference for weekends, the guest reveals, "My favorite day of the week. I really do like a Monday, actually. I'm not gonna lie to you" (00:54). This choice stems from his desire to start the week with intentional actions that foster personal growth. He elaborates on the importance of initiating his week with activities that "enlighten me" (01:04), highlighting his ongoing journey of self-discovery.

2. The Journey of Self-Discovery

When pressed on how he began the process of finding himself, the guest shares, "I feel like you have to go through certain things to realize you're not in a specific place and where you thought you was" (01:33). This introspection was fueled by repeated patterns and unfulfilling routines, leading him to the realization that "nothing changes if nothing changes" (02:09). He acknowledges that his previous focus on conforming to societal norms and prioritizing others, especially his ex-partner, led to a loss of self-identity.

3. Reclaiming Personal Identity in Relationships

Discussing his approach to future relationships, the guest emphasizes the importance of maintaining individuality. He states, "I would keep us as separate people... you also need to have that sense of individuality" (03:36). This perspective reflects his commitment to preserving his identity while embracing the uniqueness of his partner, advocating for acceptance and understanding rather than conformity.

4. A Perfect Monday: Balancing Routine and Creativity

The guest paints a vivid picture of his ideal Monday, blending structured routines with creative pursuits. He details his morning rituals, including journaling about his dreams and engaging in physical activities like home workouts (04:35). His love for DIY crafts and poetry programs showcases his creative outlet, particularly his involvement in a spoken word album focused on mental health (06:19). Additionally, his affection for his cat, Solis, adds a personal and relatable touch to his daily life.

5. Mushrooms: Opening Minds and Ego Death

A significant portion of the conversation delves into the guest's experiences with mushrooms. Recounting his first encounter, he describes a profound connection with nature: "the trees were waving to me... Everything looked so fake, but everything was so connected" (08:07). His most recent experience led to an "ego death," where he realized, "the answer is love... Love isn't always like a straight line. Love is... It's all around" (08:38). This transformative experience allowed him to see beyond societal constructs and embrace his true self.

6. Overcoming Substance Abuse

The guest openly discusses his long-term struggle with substance abuse, starting with marijuana at age 13 and progressing to daily use until he was 20. He shares his recent triumph in overcoming this addiction: "I chose to do better" (11:01). His candid reflection on using substances as a coping mechanism for familial discord underscores the complexity of addiction and the strength required to overcome it.

7. Navigating Family Conflict

A particularly poignant segment addresses the guest's strained relationship with his mother and his brother's father. He recounts the deterioration of familial ties during his secondary school years, leading to his eventual decision to move out at 19 (13:07). The guest expresses deep-seated hurt and a sense of abandonment, emphasizing the necessity of self-reliance: "I've had to step in as a role as a mother, especially because my mother didn't really fulfill her role as a caregiver" (15:06).

8. Poetry as Healing and Empowerment

During the episode, the guest shares one of his most impactful poems, "2 in 1," which encapsulates his emotional struggles and journey toward self-empowerment. The poem touches on themes of abandonment, identity, and resilience, concluding with a powerful assertion of self-worth: "I am more me than I have ever been. And that is because of me" (20:35). Through poetry, he finds a medium to reclaim his narrative and heal from past wounds.

9. Facing Dark Hours: Lessons from Personal Struggles

The guest recounts the dark hours of his life during the COVID-19 pandemic, highlighting the exacerbation of his mental health issues and the lack of familial support. He candidly discusses his battles with self-harm and suicidal ideation, ultimately finding solace in the philosophy of "sitting in it" — acknowledging and accepting his emotions without succumbing to destructive behaviors (26:24). This segment offers valuable insights into coping mechanisms for those facing similar struggles.

10. Final Reflections and Moving Forward

Concluding the conversation, the guest shares his immediate plans, which include self-care activities like crafting and experimenting with his hair (32:19). His focus on small, manageable actions reflects a broader theme of gradual self-improvement and the importance of nurturing one's well-being.

Notable Quotes:

• On Finding Self:
  "Nothing changes if nothing changes." – Guest (02:09)

• On Relationships:
  "You also need to have that sense of individuality." – Guest (03:36)

• On Substance Abuse Recovery:
  "I chose to do better." – Guest (11:01)

• On Poetry and Empowerment:
  "I am more me than I have ever been. And that is because of me." – Guest (20:35)

• On Overcoming Dark Times:
  "You have to sit in it. You genuinely have to sit in it." – Guest (27:53)

Conclusion: In "Mushrooms, Mothers, and Dark Hours," Tom Rosenthal facilitates a deeply moving and honest dialogue that sheds light on the guest's path to self-awareness and healing. Through sharing personal anecdotes and emotional reflections, the episode underscores the resilience of the human spirit and the transformative power of introspection and creative expression. Listeners are left with a profound appreciation for the guest's vulnerability and the universal quest for identity and peace.