Strangers on a Bench - Episode 31: "I Never Cherished Myself"

Host: Tom Rosenthal
Release Date: April 14, 2025

In Episode 31 of Strangers on a Bench, Tom Rosenthal engages in a heartfelt and introspective conversation with an anonymous guest. The episode delves deep into themes of self-worth, personal growth, mental health, spirituality, and the profound impact of loss. Through candid dialogue, the guest shares their journey of self-discovery and resilience, offering listeners both vulnerability and inspiration.

Opening the Conversation

Tom begins by introducing his unique approach to podcasting—sitting next to strangers in London’s parks to uncover the untold stories of everyday individuals. He approaches the guest with a simple yet profound question:

Tom (00:04): "Can I ask you a slightly odd question? I'm making a podcast called Strangers on a Bench, where essentially I talk to people I don't know on benches for 10 or 15 minutes. Are you up for that?"

The guest responds thoughtfully, emphasizing the value of each day:

Guest (00:49): "To be honest, I don't have a particular favorite day. Every day is a great day, even if it isn't. But it is. Do you know what I mean?"

A Day in the Life

Tom encourages the guest to describe their perfect day, unraveling the layers of their daily routine and passions:

Guest (01:09): "Well, I'm a Buddhist. I practice chant nam myoho renge kyo. So I start my day with that, with my morning prayer... I love my work. I'm a hairdresser stylist, so I come in contact with lots of people."

The conversation highlights the guest’s dedication to their spiritual practice and their love for interacting with others through their profession. Their enthusiasm for making people laugh and the joy they derive from their work resonate deeply.

First Experiences and Reflections

Tom probes into the guest’s early experiences as a hairdresser, eliciting memories of their first haircut:

Guest (02:03): "I was only 16 at the time, and I thought, oh, she's a model... I never made any major mistakes, to be honest. I was always very cautious."

This anecdote underscores the guest’s cautious yet passionate approach to their craft, revealing a blend of youthful apprehension and the fulfillment they find in their career.

Compassion and Personal Boundaries

The dialogue shifts to the guest’s compassionate nature and how they navigate interactions with others:

Guest (03:05): "I think what makes us richer as people is being around other people. I have a lot of compassion. When someone opens up to me, I open up to them too..."

However, the guest also discusses setting boundaries when faced with unkindness:

Guest (03:39): "If someone's rude to me, on the other hand, for no reason, that brings out a different side in me... I'm gonna nip that in the bud."

This balance between empathy and self-respect illustrates the guest’s emotional intelligence and personal growth.

Spirituality and Supernatural Experiences

A poignant moment arises when the guest recounts a supernatural experience with a child whose knowledge surpassed natural means:

Guest (04:15): "I remember cutting a child's hair... She started to talk about things that she knew about me and I'd never met her before... She gets it from her nan. She's got like a little gift there."

This revelation ties into the guest’s Buddhist beliefs and their connection to their late mother, adding depth to their spiritual perspective.

Tribute to Their Mother

The guest honors their late mother, sharing memories that highlight her strength and influence:

Guest (06:08): "My mum was wonderful... She was a wonderful, strong, courageous woman... She loved dancing parties."

Their mother's journey from a strict Roman Catholic upbringing to embracing Buddhism profoundly impacted the guest’s life and spiritual practices.

Battling Depression and Embracing Self-Care

A raw and vulnerable segment of the conversation addresses the guest’s struggle with depression:

Guest (09:20): "I suffer with depression... chanting definitely helps lift your life state."

They candidly discuss the paralyzing effects of depression and the importance of self-compassion, encouraging listeners to seek help and be kinder to themselves.

Guest (13:02): "For me, I suppose depression at times has felt paralyzing physically. It's not a thing you can shake off... It feels like a dark cloud coming over."

Relationships and Personal Growth

The guest reflects on past relationships, emphasizing the importance of self-worth and personal happiness:

Guest (16:11): "I've had a couple of long-term relationships... I never cherished myself enough really."

Their decision to step away from relationships that no longer served them marks a significant step towards self-empowerment and independence.

Coping with Loss

A deeply emotional part of the episode explores the guest’s experience caring for their mother during her battle with Alzheimer's:

Guest (17:50): "It's very, very painful. And knowing you're on a road where it's never going to improve."

They discuss the challenges of witnessing a loved one’s decline and the strength required to provide care, highlighting the enduring bond and cherished memories.

Finding Joy and Purpose

Amidst the struggles, the guest finds moments of joy in laughter and connections with loved ones:

Guest (19:56): "It's about being with my loved ones. Laughing."

They also share personal interests, such as their love for animals and crystals, which serve as sources of comfort and positivity.

Looking Forward: Embracing New Beginnings

In contemplating the future, the guest acknowledges their evolving sense of self and the importance of consistency in personal growth:

Guest (21:57): "Consistency is difficult as human beings. But if we were all consistent all the time, can you imagine the greatness we'd achieve."

They express a desire to join a volleyball team, symbolizing their readiness to embrace new challenges and continue their journey of self-improvement.

Closing Reflections

As the conversation winds down, the guest shares plans to spend time with loved ones, embodying their commitment to meaningful relationships and personal happiness:

Guest (29:48): "I'm going to go and see her... I'll spend the evening with them, probably have some dinner and then... rest of life."

The episode concludes on a note of optimism and resilience, with the guest expressing gratitude for the experience and the connections they've forged.

Notable Quotes

• Guest on Self-Compassion:

  "It's okay to not be okay at times, you know, and to be kinder, we must be kinder to ourselves." (28:43)

• Guest on Spiritual Empowerment:

  "Buddhism works, because it's taking responsibility for yourself. It's more empowering." (20:55)

• Guest on Overcoming Depression:

  "Using the mind in the right way, you can about near enough tricking the mind." (09:51)

Conclusion

Episode 31 of Strangers on a Bench offers a profound exploration of an individual’s journey through adversity, spirituality, and self-discovery. The guest’s openness about their struggles with depression, the loss of their mother, and their path towards self-cherishing provides listeners with a relatable and inspiring narrative. Through Tom Rosenthal’s empathetic interviewing, the episode underscores the universal themes of human connection, resilience, and the ongoing pursuit of personal well-being.

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