EPISODE 32: Becoming a Superhero

Summary

Podcast Title: Strangers on a Bench
Host: Tom Rosenthal
Episode: EPISODE 32: Becoming a Superhero
Release Date: April 21, 2025

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Introduction

In Episode 32 of Strangers on a Bench, titled "Becoming a Superhero," host Tom Rosenthal engages in a profound and introspective conversation with an anonymous guest. Over the course of their meeting on a London park bench, the discussion delves deep into themes of personal growth, identity, resilience, and the aspiration to make a meaningful impact on the world.

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Setting the Stage: Mondays as a Fresh Start

The episode begins with Rosenthal approaching a stranger to participate in his podcast, setting the tone for an open and candid dialogue. The guest shares his thoughts on Mondays, drawing inspiration from Bob Geldof's classic song "I Don't Like Mondays."

Guest [00:57]: "I Asked myself the question, well, why. Why don't you like Mondays? It's just another day. But I think it all stems from stress. Monday, work. So Monday is always a fearful thing because people are just recovering from the weekend, Saturday and Sunday, and then you have to return to work and life returns to normal."

Contrasting the common dread of Mondays, the guest finds joy in viewing the day as a "fresh start," emphasizing the importance of resetting one's mindset at the beginning of the week.

Guest [01:37]: "The joy for me is that it's the start of a new week, a fresh start."

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Crafting the Ideal Monday

The conversation progresses as Rosenthal probes into the guest's vision of an ideal Monday. The guest outlines a series of intentional actions aimed at fostering mental well-being and productivity.

1. Embracing Light: He highlights the significance of natural light in boosting motivation and mental health.

   Guest [02:16]: "Let light in your life. So open up the curtains, because there's so many mental health issues these days, and sometimes people need to have that motivation to do things."

2. Meal Planning and Balanced Diet: The guest advocates for thoughtful planning of daily activities and meals, promoting a balance between indulgent and healthy choices.

   Guest [03:22]: "To get the fine balance."

   He humorously confesses his penchant for burgers, illustrating the challenges of maintaining a balanced diet.

   Guest [03:22]: "My bad is burgers. I eat too many burgers."

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A Life of Advocacy: LGBTIQ Human Rights Campaigning

Transitioning from personal routines, the guest reveals his role as an LGBTIQ human rights campaigner. He discusses the dual nature of social media as both a tool for advocacy and a source of stress.

Guest [04:48]: "There's a dark side to social media, as everybody knows, but there's also a positive side to it if it's used correctly."

Despite the inherent stress, his passion for activism drives him to continue using these platforms to amplify his message.

He shares a pivotal moment from his activism journey:

Guest [07:01]: "I campaigned for it with someone called Peter Tatchell, who's a gay rights campaigner."

Celebrating the legalization of gay marriage, the guest recounts the euphoric experience of witnessing governmental progress.

Guest [07:26]: "That was a very euphoric day for me."

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The Superhero Aspiration: A Vision for Change

A significant portion of the episode centers around the guest's aspiration to become a superhero. This metaphorical ambition symbolizes his desire to effect positive change and bridge divides within society.

Guest [08:14]: "I'm going to buy a cape. I'm gonna buy a cape."

He envisions a "rainbow cape" as a beacon for inclusivity and understanding, inspired by influential figures like the Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu.

Guest [08:20]: "It attracts the LGBT community. It attracts homophobes."

The guest elaborates on how such a persona could facilitate meaningful interactions, even with those holding opposing views.

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Navigating a Challenging Past: Foster Care and Identity

Delving into his personal history, the guest shares his experiences growing up in the foster care system. He candidly discusses the challenges and the profound impact these experiences had on his identity and resilience.

1. Early Life and Foster Care:

   Guest [15:37]: "It was just me. An only child, you know."

   He recounts moving between six different foster families, highlighting both the stability provided by compassionate carers and the instability inherent in the system.

   Guest [13:33]: "It's very, very complex, a care system."

2. Struggles with Sexuality:

   Coming to terms with his sexuality in an all-boys school environment, the guest reflects on the absence of support and the internal turmoil it caused.

   Guest [09:42]: "I think personally for me, with my sexuality, I struggled with it."

   His eventual embrace of his identity fueled his passion for activism, aiming to provide the support he lacked.

   Guest [10:43]: "I don't think I actually did in a way. I think it was the way I. It was my Persona."

3. Stigma and Resilience:

   Addressing the stigma surrounding foster care, the guest emphasizes the importance of recognizing the strengths and potential within those who have experienced such challenges.

   Guest [14:09]: "There is a stigma with people in foster care."

   He underscores the vital role of supportive foster carers in shaping his character and outlook on life.

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Seeking Closure and Building the Future

As the dialogue progresses, the guest contemplates reconnecting with his biological parents, seeking closure from a tumultuous early childhood.

Guest [22:53]: "I'm getting kind of to that state age where I think that life begins at 40."

He expresses hope that reestablishing contact could provide a sense of completeness and perhaps pave the way for rebuilding familial relationships.

Guest [25:25]: "Maybe one day I will find them and make peace."

This quest for closure aligns with his broader theme of personal growth and healing.

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Embracing the Present and Looking Ahead

In the episode's concluding segments, the guest reflects on living in the moment and continuing his journey of self-improvement and advocacy.

Guest [32:06]: "Where am I going in life? That's a good question. I suppose. Just go with the flow, in a way."

He reiterates his commitment to becoming a "superhero" through continuous learning, engaging with diverse perspectives, and fostering understanding.

Guest [33:24]: "I'm going to be that superhero."

The conversation wraps up with a reaffirmation of his goals and an optimistic outlook on the future.

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Notable Quotes with Attribution and Timestamps

• Guest [00:57]: "I don't like Mondays... I think it all stems from stress."
• Guest [01:37]: "The joy for me is that it's the start of a new week, a fresh start."
• Guest [02:16]: "Let light in your life... sometimes people need to have that motivation to do things."
• Guest [07:01]: "I campaigned for it with someone called Peter Tatchell, who's a gay rights campaigner."
• Guest [08:20]: "It attracts the LGBT community. It attracts homophobes."
• Guest [15:37]: "It was just me. An only child, you know."
• Guest [22:53]: "I'm getting kind of to that state age where I think that life begins at 40."
• Guest [33:24]: "I'm going to be that superhero."

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Conclusion

EPISODE 32 of Strangers on a Bench offers a poignant exploration of one individual's journey through adversity, self-discovery, and the pursuit of making a positive impact. Through candid conversation, the guest shares his vulnerabilities, triumphs, and unwavering commitment to advocacy, embodying the essence of becoming a superhero in his own right. Tom Rosenthal's thoughtful interview style allows for a meaningful connection, providing listeners with insights into resilience and the transformative power of embracing one's true self.

Transcript

[Host]

Hello. Sorry to bother you. Can I ask you a slightly odd question? I'm making a podcast called Strangers on a Bench, where essentially I talk to people I don't know on benches for 10 or 15 minutes. Are you up for that? Do you want to give it a. Is there a day of the week that you favor?

[Guest]

I would have to say a Monday today. Yeah. Because there's a classic song, I Don't Like Mondays, by Bob Geldof. That's the one, I believe. And, you know.

[Host]

Do you know what that's about?

[Guest]

It's about. Was it about a shooting or stabbing in America where there was an incident and the song was inspired by that because he turned around and said the reason why he committed the offense was because he don't like Mondays. So I asked myself the question, well, why. Why don't you like Mondays? It's just another day. But I think it all stems from stress. Monday, work. So Monday is always a fearful thing because people are just recovering from the weekend, Saturday and Sunday, and then you have to return to work and life returns to normal.

[Host]

So why Mondays for you? What's the joy in them?

[Guest]

Well, the joy for me is that it's the start of a new week, a fresh start.

[Host]

Yes.

[Guest]

People always think that New Year's a fresh start, don't they? But I think you can adjust yourself and kind of think, well, whatever's happened the last week, you can then reset. So if you set yourself a certain day to reset, it could be any day. It doesn't have to be a Monday, it could be a Friday. But you've got to have a day where you assess the week, and then you can kind of reflect on the past, but don't dwell on it. And then think, well, it's a new week, new start.

[Host]

I love that.

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Host]

So take me through as much detail as you can. What would be your ideal Monday?

[Guest]

Okay, so waking up. I think it's important to let light in your life. So open up the curtains, because there's so many mental health issues these days, and sometimes people need to have that motivation to do things. So I try and motivate myself, which is why I'm sitting in a park today talking to you with the sun shining, because I've come out and just. Yeah. Want to enjoy the weather.

[Host]

Okay, so you let light in. Keep going.

[Guest]

That's great. Right? Let light in.

[Host]

Go for the curse.

[Guest]

Yeah, over the curse.

[Host]

Still quite a lot of day to go.

[Guest]

There's still quite a lot of day to go. That's the first Step. The second step is just taking time to plan the day. Plan the day. Plan what you're gonna do, plan what you're gonna eat. Make a meal plan. Try and eat healthy. Mix the good with the bad. I mean, people think, oh, I can't have burgers. Can't have chips. Yeah, but you can. But why not mix it with some veg.

[Host]

Put a bit of salad on it.

[Guest]

Put a bit of salad on it. The good with the bad.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Guest]

To get the fine balance.

[Host]

Yeah. Okay, so what's your bad then?

[Guest]

Right. My bad is burgers. I eat too many burgers. That's my.

[Host]

How many are we talking?

[Guest]

We're talking a huge amount. We're talking like.

[Host]

I mean, at a time.

[Guest]

Well, I have the triple burger.

[Host]

Wow.

[Guest]

It's a really large. Yeah.

[Host]

Does that mean three?

[Guest]

That means three patties layered with gherkin.

[Host]

How'd you get it in your mouth?

[Guest]

Well, you have to remove one burger and then put the bun back on and then.

[Host]

But doesn't that defeat the purpose? You've really got to remove a bit from the meal.

[Guest]

I think it does, yeah.

[Host]

Why don't you get the two of them?

[Guest]

I had four once.

[Host]

And what happened then? You obviously didn't go back. Was it a disaster?

[Guest]

It was a bit of a disaster. I felt a bit unwell, actually. A bit full, shall we say? Yes, a bit too full. A bit of an excess.

[Host]

One has to push it to know, I suppose.

[Guest]

Yeah, of course.

[Host]

To know what you're dealing with, what your limits are. And, you know, it's four now, so you're not going to be one of those people that do, like a burger eating competition, like, as many as you can in a row?

[Guest]

No, I don't think I'll push it that far.

[Host]

Okay, so we've got to about. You've opened your curtains.

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Host]

Then what we doing?

[Guest]

Okay, then we may be having a burger or not for me, because I'm an LGBTIQ human rights campaigner, I spend a lot of my time online being a campaigner.

[Host]

Does that mean you naturally spend more time online?

[Guest]

Yeah, naturally, because. Because that's the way I find to get my message across these days. It's very. There's a dark side to social media, as everybody knows, but there's also a positive side to it if it's used correctly. And you've just got to be mindful when you're on there, when you're reading stuff, and it can. It can take its toll. And I think that's where people can get really stressed out by it. And you've got to work out a mechanism to deal with that.

[Host]

Do you get stressed out by it?

[Guest]

I do. I do.

[Host]

But you still do it.

[Guest]

I still do it.

[Host]

Why is that?

[Guest]

I still do it because I suppose it's kind of a passion because there's that cliche of being an armchair activist. So I think it's important to use social media productively to get your message across and to gain access to people and people's minds as well.

[Host]

Yeah, interesting. Like, what's the first thing. Do you think that I'm gonna post this? I'm gonna read this, I'm gonna say this.

[Guest]

The first thing I do is I take time to read people's views on there and take it in. Because when I post something on social media, I'd like to think that people read mine. You know, everyone disagrees with things sometimes. Not everyone has the same point of view. So it's very important. If somebody says to me something like, I don't agree with homosexuality, that's fine. I don't then attack them for it. I will put my view across and I'll say, well, I personally don't believe that's correct. But if you have that view, then that's your view. As long as you don't go to the extreme of being hateful towards it.

[Host]

Yeah, okay.

[Guest]

You can disagree with it. Yeah, that's fine.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Guest]

That's what a democracy is about. Agree or disagree?

[Host]

Sure. Okay. If I say to you. If you think back to kind of your most euphoric online moment on social media, gay marriage. You invented it.

[Guest]

No, no, I didn't invent it, but I campaigned for it. I campaigned for it with someone called Peter Tatchell, who's a gay rights campaigner.

[Host]

Very famous campaigner.

[Guest]

Very famous. I felt that I was a part of it because I was campaigning for it. It was very euphoric to read the statement from the government that, you know, gay people had the same rights as heterosexual people. It's very important.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Guest]

That was a very euphoric day for me. Oh, wonderful.

[Host]

How did you. How did you celebrate?

[Guest]

I celebrated by having a nice bottle of wine. A nice bottle of red wine. I'm not blowing my own trumpet and saying that. I. Like you said, I didn't invent gay marriage. I would love to have done that.

[Host]

But next best thing.

[Guest]

Yeah. You know, everyone counts. Yeah, everyone counts.

[Host]

Exactly. You did your bit.

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Host]

And that's all you can do, isn't it?

[Guest]

That's all you could do in life, I think Everyone aspires to be that hero, don't they? To change the world.

[Host]

Like it?

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Host]

Have you got a cape? Have you got a cape?

[Guest]

I'm gonna get a cape. I'm gonna buy a cape.

[Host]

What color would it be?

[Guest]

It's gonna be a rainbow cape.

[Host]

Nice.

[Guest]

It's gonna be a rainbow cape. And I'm going to single handedly change the world through love and peace.

[Host]

I like that.

[Guest]

There is a famous. The Dalai Lama.

[Host]

Yes.

[Guest]

Okay. I have to mention, I have to get him in. Great guy. I saw a Netflix documentary of him. The Dalai Lama. He met Desmond Tutu.

[Host]

Yes.

[Guest]

And it's just amazing. The two, the two of them were so cheeky together. They're joking. And the Dalai Lama, supposed to be very spiritual and not supposed to give many political opinions and stuff. You know, very genteel, soft. And Desmond Tutu tried to get the Dalai Lama to dance. Now, I didn't know this, but Buddhists, they don't dance.

[Host]

Not at all.

[Guest]

Not at all.

[Host]

As a part of their setup.

[Guest]

Yeah, it's part of their.

[Host]

Yeah, I suppose they're kind of stillness, right?

[Guest]

The stillness, the serenity.

[Host]

I feel like you could probably be both. No.

[Guest]

Well, possibly. Yeah.

[Host]

Like we could be still. We could dance. Let's not attack Buddhism. Sorry.

[Guest]

Trying to get the Dalai Lama to dance in front of cameras is a funny thing. So he's doing a little bit of a jig, a little bit of a slow jig with his hands up and down. Quite funny.

[Host]

So you want to change the world via dance?

[Guest]

I want to change the world via dance.

[Host]

Was this always in your life? Can you trace it back to childhood?

[Guest]

I think personally for me, with my sexuality, I struggled with it.

[Host]

Why did you struggle with it?

[Guest]

I struggled with it because school and not being able to fit in.

[Host]

Were you out in school?

[Guest]

I was. I was out in school. I went to an all boys school. Didn't get no support from teachers, social workers. So it was a very difficult journey for me because I knew I was different.

[Host]

How did you manage at that time? What did you do to work through that?

[Guest]

I suppose that was when the fire ignited within me and I said to myself, well, I'm different. There's probably other people that are different. Let's join that group. And that then became the pretext for me fighting and campaigning because speaking to other people in my position, they were saying, well, I'm not accepted. I can't do this, I can't do that. I don't have rights that my friend has. So.

[Host]

So you wanted to be the support that you didn't get essentially at school?

[Guest]

Of course, yeah. It's a great way of putting it.

[Host]

Which makes so much sense. Do you remember a moment at school that kind of lit that fire? Sometimes it takes a moment. Isn't it like, you know, someone's been particularly mean to your particular event?

[Guest]

I think at school it was very multicultural, which was a good thing. And I realized that everyone's different. Okay. And to have a group of children in a classroom all learning together with the same ethos, it was like very important. So I think that spurred me on to progressively think that, you know, we can all come together and learn in the same way. We can all be different, can all have different views, of course. But yeah.

[Host]

So were you the only kind of openly gay person at your school?

[Guest]

I believe I was. I believe I was. Because it's very difficult to come out in that environment, especially as a young person, because you're still discovering yourself. I took the brave step to come out.

[Host]

How did you do that, by the way? Like, in a school environment?

[Guest]

I don't think I actually did in a way. I think it was the way I. It was my Persona. It was my Persona that gave off the aura.

[Host]

So people just picked up on it.

[Guest]

People just picked up on it. I'm not saying that because you could be effeminate or you could be slightly camp if we say that doesn't mean that you're gay, but I think they picked up on that and they saw these little things. And you were happy with it? Yeah, I was happy with it. And so I let my behavior speak. Yeah. For itself.

[Host]

At home. How are your parents? And I'm guessing you came out to them at some point.

[Guest]

Because I was in foster care. I was in foster care from a very early age, so I went through the care system. So I think I had a lot of support from my foster carers. They were very understanding, accommodating towards me. It made me a better person because I had to go from foster carer to foster carer. And there's different house rules. One foster care would have certain set of rules. Bedtime would be 10 o'clock. Another Foster cow went to. She'd let me stay up to 2am in the morning. So there's, there's pros and cons, but you actually learn from them as individuals. You know, they have different set of rules, different ethos and you can see their different views on things, you know.

[Host]

Amazing. How often did you move around?

[Guest]

Oh, about six times.

[Host]

Six different families and when you moved, were you always going to move or was that decision of the foster carers? Is it like you do move every two years or is it like we can't keep you?

[Guest]

Because with the foster care system, how it worked back then is that they're called short term placements because, you know, you do get moved about in the care system. And I think it's not particularly any fault of a young person or the actual foster carers.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Guest]

It's just that placements change, situations change. It's very, very complex, a care system.

[Host]

What do you think people don't know about being in foster care? You know, what do you think is invisible about it? You'd like people to know about me?

[Guest]

Okay, let's just say me. Okay. I would like to know with the care system. Let's focus on the positives a minute where, you know, you have some great foster carers who do a fantastic job to support young people. Young people have very complex needs and it can be very difficult to deal with those issues. And I think the care system can be a good thing, but it can also be a negative thing because there's that lack of support, unfortunately. And I think you've just got to go on that journey to continue as I did in foster care and rely on the care and support that you get from foster carers. It's really important. It's made me into the person that I am today. There is a stigma with people in foster care. I think. There was a survey that come out from the National Statistics office that if you're in foster care, you're more likely to go to prison. I'm not sure how they come up with those figures. I mean, I suppose it's just on average that's what happens. But that then gets into the people's psyche and that makes people believe, oh, you're in foster care, that means you're, you're wrong person or going to end up in prison soon, not now, but you're going to be in prison. But that's not true. I think there's a lot of stigma attached to it.

[Host]

Six different households.

[Guest]

That's correct, yeah.

[Host]

I mean, when you look back at all of them, do you think fondly of all of them?

[Guest]

I do, yeah, I do.

[Host]

What does it take to be a foster parent? These people who looked after you kind of. What did they do? Well, what was in them that made them do that?

[Guest]

I think it's the care and compassion that you get from them that they invite a young person into their family environment, support Nurture them, take the placement of, you know, your original family. Try and understand that individual person's needs. And I really do admire people who do that and take on that responsibility.

[Host]

Was there any particular one that, you know, really kind of made a huge difference to you?

[Guest]

Yeah, I was placed with an Afro Caribbean family. Best foster care I've ever had. Out of all of them, actually, they were all good, but I was placed with. It was a multiracial family. And again, there's stigma with that, you know, in the foster care system.

[Host]

How old were you?

[Guest]

I was about 10, just in primary school.

[Host]

Tell me what the core things you learned from being in that family.

[Guest]

Core things I learned from that was going to the Notting Hill Carnival. Very first time in my life, going with them, embracing their culture, embracing the food, the carnival kind of spirit of it. And I kind of think that it made me kind of learn about their culture. So it educated me on how their structure works, how their ethos works, if you like. But again, I go back to the stigma of it. So, like, should you put young people with different background foster carers? But I think everyone's the same, as I've learned.

[Host]

What's it like to say goodbye?

[Guest]

Oh, I don't like goodbyes. I hate goodbyes.

[Host]

Do you remember saying goodbye to them?

[Guest]

I do. I was with them for three and a half years. When it was time to go, obviously you have your social worker there and you have to pack up your stuff and you have to leave them and say goodbye. It's like saying goodbye to your parents because that's what they are. And it is a very emotional thing, not just for me, but for them as well, because they're seeing their child essentially fly the nest. And I think that's a good point, actually fly the nest because. Because that's what it is. You're in a nest, you're being nurtured. Eventually you have to fly that nest and go on to bigger and better things. And I think that's what was very important.

[Host]

Do you remember what any of them said to you as you went?

[Guest]

I can't really. I can remember the kind of atmosphere, shall we say, the atmosphere that I'm just about to leave, just about to go to another placement. The kind of. The demeanor and the. The emotion kind of really, really, really hit home.

[Host]

When you left this particular family.

[Guest]

Huh?

[Host]

Did you have any power to say, look, I really like being here? Is it completely out of your hands?

[Guest]

I think sometimes it is completely out of your hands. I mean, they say that the Young people have a voice in the care system, but I don't think that's really true, really, because, you know, when a placement ends or breaks down, you have very little choice in where you go. They just put you where they feel you'll be safe. So it's very, very difficult and cruel. But I think if you're in a good placement and it, it works out well, you have to be thankful for that. And everyone has to move on, even at an early age. I knew that I'd have to move on eventually and fly the nest.

[Host]

Do you find it then hard to settle anywhere? Do you have that now in your system or is it the opposite? Having grown up moving around?

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Host]

Do you now feel like you still have to move around?

[Guest]

That's an interesting question. Because I was going to buy a caravan, right, And I was going to travel the whole country. I thought to myself, you know, buy a caravan, because I could go anywhere I want. And it's very difficult for me to stay in one place at one time. So that's very interesting that you picked up on that because it's inspired me to see something new every day. Whereas if you have the same routine and you have the Same House for 20 years, you're not going to open your horizons more. So my horizons are open and I just want to be like a yeti and just travel the world.

[Host]

Can I ask you a difficult question?

[Guest]

Of course.

[Host]

About your biological parents?

[Guest]

Okay. Yeah.

[Host]

What do you know about them?

[Guest]

Okay. Well, they were kind of very abusive towards me. And I've only read this in documents from social workers.

[Host]

As in, you don't remember anything?

[Guest]

No, there's no. There's no actual memories in my head of it. But from what is documented, there was a lot of different issues. Mental health was one of them. Financial difficulties as well. But that does not excuse the abuse that happens. So you can have financial difficulties, you can have mental health issues, but it's when you actually intentionally harm somebody, which is not a very nice thing to do. And I am kind of thankful to the authorities for helping me and getting me out with that bad situation.

[Host]

How old were you when you were taking the.

[Guest]

I was taking the scare at 7, age 7, so quite an early age.

[Host]

But you don't remember anything before seven?

[Guest]

No. Nothing at all? No memory at all. And I think it could be that I've blocked it out. It could be that it was a traumatic thing, it could be the trauma, it could be not wanting to remember.

[Host]

So you don't remember anything of what do you Remember of them as people. Do you remember, like, who they are? No, no, nothing.

[Guest]

Nothing at all. I don't have a face. I don't have any particular memories, nice or bad. So it's all blocked out. It's something I've been thinking about for a long time. There are organizations like the Salvation Army. The Salvation army offer services where they can track. Track family down. And it's something that I've been looking into because people change, you know, with time. Things change. People change. And maybe they're different people. Maybe they've changed their lives. Maybe. Who knows? Maybe they've been looking for me. I don't know.

[Host]

But will you do that, do you think?

[Guest]

I think so. I mean, I'm 40 in May, so I'm getting kind of to that state age where I think that life begins at 40. So that may be a goal for me this year to kind of try and track them down. And I think that might actually give me some kind of closure, or instead of closure, it might open some doors to build that relationship again, you know, with them. That'd be nice.

[Host]

I think that makes a lot of sense. And also I think this feeling that, you know, you have kind of seven years of your life there, that at the moment it just doesn't exist.

[Guest]

And to kind of get an explanation, because, like I pointed out, mental health, where you're not aware of. Of your actions. So that could be a reason.

[Host]

Do you know if they were like, did they accept you being taken away from them?

[Guest]

I believe that they tried to go to the courts to try and resist the care order. So it means that, you know, they're not, like, abandoning me. They wanted to fight still to have me back. So I think maybe there was issues surrounding why they. Why what happened, happened. And this is the thing, because when you research these things, it can open up a can of worms. And those worms can be healthy or those worms can be unhealthy. And I'm hoping that they're healthy worms. Yeah.

[Host]

Wow. What a very interesting start of life you had. Did you have siblings?

[Guest]

No, no, it was just me. It was just me.

[Host]

Okay.

[Guest]

Just me. An only child, you know.

[Host]

Could you find out where they lived?

[Guest]

No, because that is not in any of my records. Not in any of my records at all. So when the care order was placed, there was some information that was omitted.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Guest]

So.

[Host]

Oh, okay.

[Guest]

It's. It's difficult, but who knows? Who knows? Maybe one day I will find them and make peace.

[Host]

Obviously, without telling me your name, how are you named? That's a weird question.

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Host]

So whose surname do you take?

[Guest]

Yeah, I took what I believe to be my father's name.

[Host]

So you had your father's name, you kept it on?

[Guest]

That's correct.

[Host]

So you've got a surname.

[Guest]

Yeah, yeah.

[Host]

To go on.

[Guest]

I've got a surname to go.

[Host]

Is it a kind of unusual surname? Is it a normal one?

[Guest]

It's an Irish one. So it might involve me getting the caravan and going over to Ireland to find them.

[Host]

Amazing. That could be a real double wagon.

[Guest]

That could be a real double wagon. That could be an adventure of a lifetime.

[Host]

It really could, couldn't it?

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Host]

I think you should get this caravan.

[Guest]

I think I should.

[Host]

What's stopping you really? I think you should do it.

[Guest]

Yeah, I would love to. I would love to.

[Host]

Do you have any dependents now that you would juggle to leave?

[Guest]

No.

[Host]

No animals or.

[Guest]

None at all.

[Host]

Children?

[Guest]

None at all. It's just me. It's just lonely old me.

[Host]

Well, I think you should.

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Host]

I mean, I'll tell you something, there would be people who would hear this and go, God, that sounds amazing. You could tomorrow go on adventures and nothing's really stopping you, you know?

[Guest]

That's right, yeah. Go on an adventure. Travel the country, travel the world even. I don't know how far you could get on a caravan around the world.

[Host]

But probably quite far.

[Guest]

Probably quite far.

[Host]

What color caravan?

[Guest]

Oh, oh, that's a good question.

[Host]

Would you do up the inside? Would you be quite kind of like.

[Guest]

I would bling it up? Yes, I think I would bling it up. I would have lights on it. Nice disco lights.

[Host]

On the outside.

[Guest]

On the outside. On the outside.

[Host]

So be like a party caravan.

[Guest]

It'd be a party caravan. It would be Bob Geldof. It would be Bob Geldof. With me traveling around, I reckon he.

[Host]

Might be up for it, you know, be a groupie.

[Guest]

Sure.

[Host]

He'd be. He'd be happy to have an adventure.

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Host]

Let's give him a ring.

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Host]

What are you doing when you are feeling most alive?

[Guest]

Okay. Oh, that's an interesting one. When I feel most alive, I suppose it's being surrounded by friends, being surrounded by like minded people. That's when I feel more alive. I can listen to their opinion. I love a good disagreement. I love it when somebody has the opposite opinion to me because it means that we can discuss it, we can agree to disagree. And it's fascinating hearing their views. And like I said, I like to come across people who, for example, are homophobic. I'd like to find these people, not to hate them, not to kind of feel any animosity towards them, but just to listen to their views on why they feel like this. And at the end of the conversation we can shake hands. I don't know whether it would stretch to go into an LGBT IQ venue with them. They might not feel comfortable with that, but you don't have to agree with something to go and take part in something.

[Host]

How do you go about finding a homophobic person if you're just out on the lookout? Okay, where do they hang out at?

[Guest]

Protests. Oh, good point. They're normal.

[Host]

Good point. Protest.

[Guest]

They will normally turn out at a good old protest. Okay. You'll have the pro protesters, shall we say, and then you'll have the counter protesters. Got it. So you after the counter ones to ensnare them in the net. Humanely, of course.

[Host]

Humane. Capturing.

[Guest]

Humane capture.

[Host]

How do you humanely capture a homophobic person?

[Guest]

Okay. I think you just go up to them.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Guest]

And you engage.

[Host]

Let's do a mock test here.

[Guest]

Okay. Okay.

[Host]

Let's do a bit of role play.

[Guest]

Okay.

[Host]

I'm the, for the sake of argument, the homophobic person. Okay.

[Guest]

Nice to meet you.

[Host]

In the process, I've got the banner, you know, huge homophobe. You come up to me. What are you saying?

[Guest]

I ask you your name, because that's the icebreaker. Everyone has a name. We'll call you Bob. Bob, Yeah, A nice random name. Solid name.

[Host]

Bob's our name.

[Guest]

Ok. Classic homophobe called Bob. Hi, Bob. First of all, you know, I would engage. I would ask why you're here today. And I suppose you would say you're here because you hate gays. You hate gays, you hate anything homosexual related. I would allow you to say your bit as long as you don't become confrontational. Do you say.

[Host]

Do you say that like. Do you say, I don't want it to be violent beforehand?

[Guest]

I think I don't have to say that because I think by my demeanor, by going up to them and being that friendly face and smiling, not in the patronising way, but approaching them and willing to listen so that person has a view. They want to get that viewpoint across. And I think it's very important to listen to them. You can then suggest to them why I think that you may be wrong. I feel that Bob is wrong. Bob will feel he's right.

[Host]

I'm guessing Bob goes. I mean, what's the classic thing people say? It's not natural or something. Or it's not.

[Guest]

I think the Biggest one is the Bible. I think that comes up quite a lot in conversation.

[Host]

If Bob starts about the Bible, what do you say?

[Guest]

Well, I would just quote that God supposed to love everybody, apparently. So I would use that not to kind of make him angry, but just point out that God likes everybody, and then he's going to come back and say, in the Bible, it says that man should not lay with another man. And I'm not sure the exact wording on it. And then I could say, well, that's not what I believe, but if that's your religious belief, and we'll go with that. And the important thing is that after this conversation we've had, Bob the homophobe, me the polite camp, shall we say, gay person, we could then go for coffee. We can even go cinema, snooker, maybe. Darts.

[Host]

Yeah. Can you play darts?

[Guest]

I can't, no.

[Host]

But you're willing to give it a try for Bob?

[Guest]

I'm willing to give it a try. Just to make Bob smile. I will be willing to go.

[Host]

There's a million things you could have talked about on this bench. We've talked about what we've talked about.

[Guest]

Okay.

[Host]

Anyway. Is there a question you would like to ask yourself and then answer it?

[Guest]

I suppose. Where am I going?

[Host]

Where are you going in life?

[Guest]

Where am I going in life? That's a good question. That's a good question. I suppose. Just go with the flow, in a way. Go with the flow. Continue what I'm doing, and eventually becoming that superhero that I want to become by not necessarily changing the world, although one person can change the world, I believe. But I suppose, yeah, becoming that. That superhero. Kind of learning more through life experience, learning through other people, listening to people's views and becoming more. More educated as well. Because education goes on throughout life, so you learn something new every day.

[Host]

You absolutely do.

[Guest]

I believe that.

[Host]

You absolutely do.

[Guest]

I believe that.

[Host]

You're completely right.

[Guest]

Thank you.

[Host]

We just need to get you that rainbow cape and you'll be flying.

[Guest]

That's it.

[Host]

Maybe that's all you need, really. Once you have the kit, you start feeling more the total superhero package.

[Guest]

Yeah. That would be the gimmick, wouldn't it?

[Host]

Yeah. Just start walking around with it.

[Guest]

See how people see how people see how people react to it. Spread the joy.

[Host]

And then you would have your. That may be a way of finding your homophobes as well.

[Guest]

Oh, yes.

[Host]

Or the allies.

[Guest]

The allies, yeah. It will be a beacon that attracts everybody.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Guest]

It attracts the LGBT community. It attracts homophobes.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Guest]

Because you could have it.

[Host]

You could have it all with that cape, I think.

[Guest]

So I'm going to be that superhero. Ain't come up with a name yet, but Bob, maybe.

[Host]

Bob, yeah.

[Guest]

They go maybe. Yeah.

[Host]

Perfect.

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Host]

Okay, last question for you. What are you going to do next?

[Guest]

What am I going to do next? Oh, that is a brilliant question. Sitting here in the sun on this park bench. For me, that's my sanctuary. This is my. My peaceful time to just think about where I'm going in life and think about the future. I'm going to continue doing what I'm doing. I'm going to live every day as if. Well, as if it's. Well, not the last.

[Host]

An important day.

[Guest]

An important day. Like a Monday. Be nice, because sometimes we can all get moody. We can all get angry with people. It's a natural reaction to things. And just keep learning, keep striving to learn from other people as well.

[Host]

Fantastic. Thank you so much for your time.

[Guest]

That's okay. Pleasure. Pleasure to speak to you.

[Child]

There are many ways to say I love you There are many ways to say I care about you Many ways, ways many ways Many ways to say I love you There are many ways to say I love you Just by being there when things are sad and scary Just by being there Being there Being there to say.

[Host]

I love you.

[Child]

Cleaning up a room can say I.

[Guest]

Love you.

[Child]

Hanging up a coat to do it Drawing special pictures for the holidays and making plain There are many ways to say I love you There are many ways to say I care about you Many ways, many ways Many ways to say I love.