EPISODE 33: Follow The Blood

Summary

Episode 33: Follow The Blood Released on April 28, 2025

In this poignant episode of Strangers on a Bench, Tom Rosenthal delves deep into the life of an anonymous guest, exploring themes of personal transformation, resilience, and self-discovery. Through an intimate 37-minute conversation, the guest shares pivotal moments that have shaped their journey, offering listeners a profound insight into overcoming adversity and embracing one's true self.

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1. Favorite Days and the Concept of a "Rot Day"

The conversation begins with a light-hearted discussion about the guest's favorite day of the week.

B: "Probably Friday." [00:45]

The guest elaborates on why Friday holds special significance, highlighting the freedom it brings after a demanding workweek. This leads to an exploration of the concept of a "rot day"—a day dedicated to complete relaxation and mental unwinding.

B: "Bundled up on the sofa. Duvet on or heated blanket, favorite snacks." [01:19]

They describe a perfect rot day as a time to disconnect from responsibilities and indulge in carefree leisure, emphasizing the importance of mental health and self-care.

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2. Embracing Change and Leaving a Dissatisfying Job

Transitioning to more serious topics, the guest recounts their habit of making frequent life changes, with the most significant being the spontaneous decision to quit their job.

B: "I just didn't go in." [02:33]

Without warning, the guest chose to leave a job that conflicted with their moral values, demonstrating courage and a commitment to personal integrity. This abrupt departure was motivated by ethical concerns, particularly regarding the treatment of clients.

B: "I didn't like how it was like, say the clients are being treated in a certain sense..." [03:04]

This pivotal moment underscores the guest's willingness to prioritize their beliefs over security, setting the stage for subsequent personal growth.

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3. A Shift Towards Nature and Foraging

Post-job departure, the guest finds solace in nature, joining foraging workshops and developing a deeper connection with the environment.

B: "I've joined a foraging workshop not long ago." [05:03]

They share an amusing anecdote about discovering edible plants right outside their doorstep, highlighting newfound joys and the therapeutic benefits of engaging with the natural world.

B: "No need for garlic anymore. I've literally got it on my front door." [05:30]

The discussion seamlessly weaves in historical contexts, touching upon the roles of women as herbalists and the intertwining of witchcraft, feminism, and nature—a testament to the guest's evolving interests and values.

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4. Childhood Trauma and the Fear of Hospitals

One of the most heart-wrenching parts of the conversation revolves around a traumatic childhood memory that left a lasting impact.

B: "There's a lot to do with my job that I didn't morally like..." [03:04]

B: "I followed the blood drips to then find where my dad was." [16:18]

At just four years old, the guest witnessed their father suffer a fatal accident involving a kung fu sword, leading to a profound fear of hospitals. This memory not only illustrates early trauma but also hints at the guest's resilience in coping with such experiences.

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5. Battling Endometriosis and Its Life-Altering Effects

The guest bravely opens up about their struggle with endometriosis, a condition that has significantly impacted their daily life and relationships.

B: "For me, it's like searing pain. It's like not being able to sit down because the pain is strong..." [17:53]

Describing the relentless pain and its consequences, the guest discusses how endometriosis has forced them to adapt their lifestyle, fostering a deeper understanding of their own body and advocating for women's health.

B: "I've tried to learn about my body more, which is where I think I've got more in tune with nature." [19:19]

They reflect on the strength required to manage such a condition independently, especially after a recent breakup, highlighting themes of self-reliance and personal growth.

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6. Artistic Expression Through Painting

As a means of self-expression, the guest shares their passion for painting, focusing on themes that intertwine femininity and nature.

B: "I do a lot of naked women and a lot of fruit." [23:43]

Engaging in a playful dialogue about the perceived "sexiness" of various fruits, the conversation reveals the guest's creative process and the symbolic representations in their art.

B: "There is so much I have to do with how you should live." [19:33]

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7. Childhood Lies and Sibling Dynamics

Reflecting on sibling relationships, the guest recounts an early memory of lying to protect their brother after causing an accident.

B: "I have to throw myself down as well. So when my mum comes, I go, no, I fell and I pushed him with me." [25:57]

This anecdote not only sheds light on the complexities of childhood but also underscores the guest's protective instincts and the challenges of navigating sibling dynamics.

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8. Navigating Relationships and Personal Boundaries

The guest delves into their past romantic relationship with a musician, discussing the difficulties in balancing personal aspirations with a partner's dreams.

B: "He literally told me I was second best to music." [31:05]

Through this reflection, the guest emphasizes the importance of self-prioritization and the necessity of setting boundaries to maintain personal well-being.

B: "I'm living just for myself right now." [30:46]

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9. Future Aspirations and Spiritual Retreats

Looking ahead, the guest shares their ambition to establish a spiritual retreat, blending their interests in nature, witchcraft, and holistic well-being.

B: "Start our own spiritual retreat." [35:20]

The discussion illustrates a hopeful vision for the future, aimed at fostering community and personal growth through shared spiritual practices.

B: "There's a big change coming and it's coming." [37:56]

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Closing Reflections and Farewell Anthems

As the conversation winds down, the guest and host attempt to sing the Welsh national anthem, adding a touch of humor and camaraderie to the episode's conclusion.

B: "Good, that's pretty good." [37:10]

The episode closes on a light note, celebrating the courage it takes to share such deep personal experiences while maintaining a sense of levity.

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Key Takeaways:

• Embracing change can lead to profound personal growth.
• Connecting with nature and creative outlets can be therapeutic.
• Overcoming trauma and chronic illness requires resilience and self-awareness.
• Establishing personal boundaries is crucial for mental and emotional well-being.
• Future aspirations rooted in community and spirituality can provide meaningful direction.

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Notable Quotes:

• "Probably Friday." [00:45]
• "Do you know what I mean? Saturday I can just rot if I want to." [01:08]
• "I just had enough. I literally finished work that day and I was supposed to go in the next day and I just didn't go in." [02:24]
• "This is like a superhuman quality about women's bodies." [21:40]
• "I've never done this since I was in primary school." [36:25]
• "There's a big change coming and it's coming." [37:56]

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This episode of Strangers on a Bench offers a raw and honest exploration of one individual's path to self-discovery, resilience, and the pursuit of authenticity. Through shared experiences and reflective dialogue, listeners are reminded of the strength found in embracing one's true self and the transformative power of personal challenges.

Transcript

[A]

Hello. Sorry to bother you. Can I ask you a slightly odd question? I'm making a podcast called Strangers on a Bench, where essentially I talk to people I don't know on benches for 10 or 15 minutes. Are you up for that? Do you want to give it a. What's your favorite day of the week?

[B]

Probably Friday.

[A]

Solid. Straight in with the Friday.

[B]

I like that I can go out after work and I don't need to worry about what time I'm coming in. Because then Saturday I'm off. Because Sunday, then I want to enjoy my day and have like a more relaxed me day.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because then I'm ready for Monday to start it all again.

[A]

This makes sense.

[B]

Do you know what I mean? Saturday I can just rot if I want to.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And not do anything.

[A]

What's a good rot. Oh, God. What is a perfect rot day?

[B]

I don't think it's a good day. A rot day, in a sense.

[A]

What is the best rotting day?

[B]

What's rotting day? Probably bundled up on the sofa. Duvet on or heated blanket, Favorite snacks.

[A]

Heated blanket.

[B]

Yeah, heated blanket. So you're just bundled up, sweating. Gross. This is the day you're allowed to look ugly. Me and my best friend call each other and we're like, this is ugly day. When no one else is allowed to see it, but we see each other. You know, just on FaceTime and then. Yeah. Just watching favourite films. Watching crap films. I think that makes it better when there's just. It's just brain rot, kind of rotting the brain.

[A]

Rotting the body.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

[A]

And how do you come out of that? Like, how do you recover from a rot day? Like, what?

[B]

By feeling so disgusting. You need to change your life around.

[A]

When was the last time you did change your life around, do you think?

[B]

I think I do it weekly.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, my God. That's a lot of.

[B]

Yeah. But I think you're allowed to change. You should. You shouldn't fear changing. I don't know. You should have the confidence to change.

[A]

You're totally right.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Can you think of the last, most significant change of all those mini changes?

[B]

Can you think of the last. I left my job not that long ago.

[A]

Nice. How did you do it? Walking out.

[B]

Literally. Literally. I didn't go to work the next day.

[A]

Lovely.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Did you know that day you were walking out, that it was the last day?

[B]

No.

[A]

So when do you know to not go in?

[B]

I just had enough. I literally finished work that day and I was supposed to go in the next day and I just didn't go in.

[A]

Did you tell anyone?

[B]

Just my boss. And didn't tell anyone else? Yeah.

[A]

What was the reason you gave?

[B]

A few different reasons.

[A]

I knew you couldn't say no. Were any of them invented? No, it was all real?

[B]

Yeah, it was all real.

[A]

What was the moment that kind of just kicked that off?

[B]

There was a lot to do with my job that I didn't morally like, it didn't morally align with what I believe and like. Yeah.

[A]

What do you believe?

[B]

Wow. I'd say I hate saying what are your morals?

[A]

What are morals? I don't know really.

[B]

I hate saying it because it sounds quite. I don't know. Up yourself to say, like, I think I'm spiritual, but I think that comes with like, people judge you when you say that because it's like, it's almost too broad.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

But I say I'm not religious. I didn't come from a religious background either. Like, my parents were spiritual.

[A]

I'm trying to think about what were you doing in this job that was like, morally poor?

[B]

I don't know how much I could say.

[A]

Can you give me a little inkling?

[B]

I didn't like how it was like, say the clients are being treated in.

[A]

A certain sense, but not by you. You weren't treated in the.

[B]

No, no, no, no, no, no. I wasn't on the client facing side as such. Trying to think of an example without saying, like, what say, where you just feel like someone's being pushed to buy something when you just know they don't need it. And just that side of things I didn't like.

[A]

I see, I see. This is good. Yeah, this is good. And so that morning, how did you feel when you've sent the text? You haven't gone in. What's the. What. What were the emotions?

[B]

Kind of disbelief that I'd even done it, to be honest.

[A]

Oh, really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Were you surprised yourself?

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Do you surprise yourself regularly?

[B]

I guess so, yeah. I'd say I'm quite spontaneous and I go with the flow, but I'm not necessarily like completely led by emotion. Like, it wasn't like I just flipped out, was like, that's it, I'm leaving. Yeah. I was just like, this isn't aligning with what I want to do and I want to start moving in the right direction, I guess.

[A]

So what did you do with this newfound clarity?

[B]

I've had a lot of time alone and just doing stuff I actually enjoy doing, like, being out in nature a lot. I joined a foraging workshop not long ago.

[A]

Oh, fantastic. That's Exciting.

[B]

Yeah. And I love that.

[A]

What are you going to be foraging for?

[B]

Well, it was like a foraging nibble, so we were like, trying things on.

[A]

Oh, nibbles.

[B]

Yeah. So I was like, eating, like, leaves and stuff. And there is so much. It was so interesting seeing, like, even things that we consider like weeds that grow everywhere. Because then when I went home, this one thing that we tried, which is my favorite, is called three cornered leeks. Spring onion, garlicky kind of taste that literally grows by my front door. So when I went home, I was.

[A]

Like, there it is.

[B]

No need for garlic anymore. I've literally got it on my front door.

[A]

And you've been just walking past that the whole time.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. And what I loved is we were talking. I really love learning about, like, witches and stuff like that. And so we were talking about that side of it, and they were saying how women especially were known as like, the herbalists. Foraging is more of a women's thing anyway. I guess you could say the men were like, hunting way back when, you know. And I also went to another one that was all about witchcraft and feminism and all stuff like that. They were saying that we've been. I don't know who these people are when I'm saying they. But they almost don't want us to be in touch with nature. They want to keep us that. I don't know. It's just.

[A]

Yeah, I like the idea of this. They. Who are they?

[B]

Yeah, exactly. Who are they?

[A]

They don't want us to be eating nature.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, exactly. Well, I think it's such a huge. It's such a bigger issue, and I think there's a bit more of a turning point. I think people are showing more interest in these things and being like Covid. Yeah. And I think Covid kind of helped that actually. We were all at home. We were all to realize that we've been doing this rat race for so long and we've just lost track of just being human and just living and experiencing.

[A]

We should be just eating leaves, literally. Maybe we can eat. What's this behind us?

[B]

I have no idea.

[A]

I feel like maybe we should eat one now.

[B]

I mean, you can try and I'll go off based on you.

[A]

Should I try and have a nibble?

[B]

Go on, go for it.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

It's high enough that we know that hopefully there's peed on it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't know cpr. If anything happens to you. How is it? Yeah, no leafy. Do you want me to join you?

[A]

I mean, I don't Particularly want to, like, eat it.

[B]

Yeah. You can spit it out.

[A]

Is that okay?

[B]

Nibbling's in the nibble. Quite bitter, is it?

[A]

We should try one.

[B]

I don't know what it is, but.

[A]

Neither of us know what it is.

[B]

No. This could be the end of your podcast completely.

[A]

You know, it's not tasty, but it's good. It's really dry, but it's good to put something different in your mouth.

[B]

Do you know what I mean?

[A]

I don't feel like I've done myself any harm there.

[B]

Yeah, I'm gonna spit that out.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, it's not a keeper, but at least we tried. At least.

[B]

At least you've done something.

[A]

That's the first foraging we've done on a bench.

[B]

There we are. I think we're lucky in the uk there's not that much that will kill you. Maybe upset stomach. Sure. Ah, my God. On the topic, that'd be so good. I'm so in touch with you.

[A]

That'd be so good. And then the bumblebee came past and killed you. That would be great timing. We haven't had a death on the podcast yet on the bench.

[B]

So that could have been.

[A]

That could have been a first time. A bee sting would have been good.

[B]

A bee sting? Yeah.

[A]

Have you ever been stung by a bee otherwise?

[B]

Not a bee. A wasp. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, wasp. How did you feel about that?

[B]

I went to a sleepover and I wasn't very popular with girls when I was younger. Like, I had lots of guy friends. My mum wanted me to have like a good friendship group of girls, so she forced me along to this sleepover and I really wasn't enjoying it. And I went to the toilet and I stood on the wasp as I was on the toilet. So I'm just yelling in this toilet and all these girls are like, this girl's fucking weird.

[A]

Like, the one time we invite her.

[B]

Out, she's screaming in the loo. And then I didn't even want to say it. Oh, it was because of wasp, but it was like literally like curled up on my foot, dead.

[A]

That's a good memory.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Why didn't girls like you?

[B]

To be fair, I don't know if they didn't like me is the right term. I think it was just I didn't really get along with them as well.

[A]

Any reason you couldn't?

[B]

I had a brother and I'm still really close to my brother. We're only a year apart, so I was always just a super tomboy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, I was always just Yeah, a bit rough with the girls. Another time, I remember I went skating. It was a girl's birthday and we went ice skating. And when one of the girls went party, I was like, yeah, I high fived her too hard and she fell and she broke her arm. Yeah. And I was like, fucking hell. I literally can't hang out. Yeah.

[A]

How strong are you?

[B]

Not even that strong. I was probably only maybe seven or eight at the time.

[A]

But how did that play out? I mean, did she feel like.

[B]

Well, then I remember. No, she was, like, on the. Like, the skating rink, arm in hand, crying her eyes out. And then they had to bring on, like, a little wheelchair with skates on it and get her in. And then. Yeah, she went off to a wheelchair.

[A]

With skates?

[B]

Yeah, with like, skates on. Literally. Yeah. Put her in.

[A]

That's an eye opener. I've not heard. I've not heard of the old wheelchair on ice.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wheelchair on ice. Yeah.

[A]

That's a new one.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So when did you kind of overcome this? Or have you overcome.

[B]

Yeah, the thing is, then I went totally the opposite. I ended up getting. My first job was in fragrance.

[A]

What do you mean by fragrance?

[B]

Oh, sorry. Like, working on a department store, like, selling fragrance. Yeah, got it. And I remember one of my, like, my probation meeting. They were like, you're doing really well, but, like, we think your presentation should be a bit better. And I was like, what do you mean? And they were like, no, we think you should wear, like, lipstick and makeup and, like, wear heels to work. And I remember that being a. But you were allowed to say those things then. Like, it was literally in the uniform that women had to wear heels and it had to be a certain amount of inches. But, yeah, I remember being told that I needed to present more girly. I started wearing more makeup to work, obviously, and then I got a job in makeup. So now I do have girlfriends. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But, like, first meeting. I get along with guys better in first meetings.

[A]

So is there any kind of remnants, anything left over of those times where you didn't get. Do you still think about it? Not really.

[B]

What I do feel like I struggle with even now is I know that a lot of girls who've got boyfriends don't like me in that sense. I'm really close to my brother, so all my brother's mates, I know that a lot of their girlfriends don't like me.

[A]

Okay. Is that because you just. They perceive you as someone who gets on too well with boys?

[B]

Yeah. And I really don't mean it in any way. And I think a lot of that in that situation is because I've known the boys for so long, since I was so young.

[A]

How do you know that they don't like you?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

I think it's just in the look.

[B]

Like, even my brother, I think is like, yeah, they definitely don't like you.

[A]

How do you approach that if you know you're going to situation when they're there?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you go, well, I'm going to try and be super nice. I'm not going to try and just not even look at them.

[B]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. If anything, I try to be like, there's been some nights where I've just had not as great of a night because I've ended up being with the girls the whole night because I've just not wanted to, even then there to be anything of like, da, da, da, da, you know, and it's just I've never ever had as much fun, like, just with the girls.

[A]

Talk to me about your brother. So you've got a close relationship. You're a year apart.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If you could think back to like a childhood memory. What do you think about in that sense?

[B]

Oh, gosh. So many memories. My brother says all the time, he's like, I raised you. Oh, wow. Yeah, he's.

[A]

That's a. That's a bold claim.

[B]

Yeah. He says all the time, he's like, you're one of the boys. And he's like, and you're cool because I raised you. He's like, if it wasn't for me, you would have gone down like a super girly route and it was like, you would have been, well, boring.

[A]

Do you agree with him?

[B]

I think in a certain degree, yeah. Like, I am my brother for sure. Like, even when we speak, people say that we sound so similar and we laugh the same, but only once. And it's my favorite photo ever, did I ever get my brother to dress up what I wanted to dress up as, which was fairies. So I've got a picture of him and he's got heels on and a skirt and fairy wings. But other than that, it's me. And I'm like an army soldier. I'm a Power Ranger. I'm like anything. He was always what he wanted.

[A]

You only had that one time. You got fairies that one time?

[B]

Yeah. So I put him in heels, lipstick.

[A]

You made the most of it. How did you get in that one time? How did you get in?

[B]

I don't remember that. That I don't even remember the day. I've just got an image of us and my brother looks fuming in the picture and I'm just, like, happy, like, loving my life. And it's just the funniest photo ever because we're both on the stairs. He just looks livid.

[A]

What have you done with this?

[B]

It's just a picture. Do you know, we haven't actually done anything with it. We were not a family with, like, loads of pictures on the wall, actually. Oh. But to be fair, my dad used to have a business and it used to be in the house.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

So I guess maybe it's to do with that.

[A]

Dentist.

[B]

No, no, not a dentist. Osteopath.

[A]

Close.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. But he did, like, Chinese medicine and stuff like that. So we've got loads of Chinese stuff around the house.

[A]

What is Chinese stuff mean? Imagery.

[B]

Yeah, imagery. Posters. I remember that kids would always kind of, like, fear coming around our house because we'd have just the weirdest stuff.

[A]

They would fear it.

[B]

Yeah. One of our rooms, which actually we called the red room because it was like. But it was just because the carpet was red.

[A]

That was all what happened in the red.

[B]

So that's what my dad would have, like, all his swords and stuff.

[A]

Okay. Swords. We're getting the swords out now.

[B]

Yeah, fantastic.

[A]

When would he use these swords?

[B]

Just when he was, like, training and stuff.

[A]

Training to.

[B]

Oh, sorry, sorry. I didn't even get into that. Dud kung fu. Sorry.

[A]

You did say gay. Don't worry.

[B]

You know why I just said Chinese.

[A]

Medicine, it's easy to jump ahead sometimes. We can always work back. No, it's never too far. We're never too far gone to go back.

[B]

I was just assuming. I was like, Chinese medicine. Yeah.

[A]

And then he had the swords, and obviously you just used the swords and that was what he did on a Sunday.

[B]

Yeah. So even teaching kung fu as well with swords. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Are these swords quite sharp?

[B]

A lot of them know when it was, like, when you're teaching, like, beginners and stuff like that. But once my dad. And this is a. This is a memory with my brother, actually, he was showing my brother some moves that he learned and it was a lot of, like, spinning and stuff.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And our house is a proper low house and there's, like, old wooden beams. And my dad was used to practicing where the roofs were higher, I guess, because we hadn't long moved into this house. And the back of the sword hit the beam and came down and sliced through his arm. Yeah. And it Was instant. I don't know what, like, vein or artery or whatever it was, but it just went all on the ceiling. Yeah.

[A]

Oh, God. I think I'm lucky.

[B]

I'm sitting down and my brother's like five, and I'm probably about four, and we're seeing this. And. Yeah, I just remember the panic on my mum. She's like, put your shoes on. I just remember, like, putting our little Velcro shoes on on the bottom of the stairs. My dad had just lost all. And it was like he had towels wrapped around his arm. They were white, but they just turn red.

[A]

So many questions, but why are you putting your shoes on?

[B]

We're going to the hospital.

[A]

Hospital, yeah. Yeah, of course.

[B]

Yeah. We're in the car and we're going.

[A]

And what do you remember from that point on?

[B]

This is where I think I then have a fear of hospitals. And I think it was from this because, okay, number one, when we're on the bottom of the stairs when I'm doing my shoes, My mum still remembers this story. She was worried I was gonna be a psychopath because my brother was crying and I was completely silent. And then my brother was like, oh, my God. Dad, dad, dad. And I just turned to my brother and I apparently, straight face, just said, dad's gonna die. I was like, oh, my God. She's like, don't say that. Get in the car.

[A]

Not a helpful thing to say at the time.

[B]

Literally, I'm like 4 years old. I don't know. I don't know if my brain's even, like, understand registering what's happening. And then, anyway, we get in the car, go to the hospital, and it was the first time ever I've realized that my parents didn't care where I was because obviously my mum was so concerned about my dad and my dad was out of it. They just ran into the hospital and I'm just left in the middle of the emergency department. And everything seemed so big and it was so loud and chaotic, and I didn't know where I was supposed to go. And I remember I followed the blood drips to then find where my dad, what room he was in.

[A]

Oh, my God. Followed the blood drips.

[B]

Literally. Yeah. That's like, probably one of my earliest memories. Yeah, that's mad, isn't it?

[A]

What an early memory. Crikey. And obviously he was okay.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, he's fine. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Any fear of swords for me? I mean, did you.

[B]

No, not fear of swords. Fear of hospitals. I hate hospitals.

[A]

When was the last time you were in A hospital. I mean, have you had to face this fear?

[B]

Yeah, literally a year ago. Because I've got endometriosis.

[A]

What's that?

[B]

How do I explain it? It's to do with periods. It's painful periods. So when you're on your period, this lining that grows is what then sheds. So you bleed and it grows outside of the uterus. So it causes bad pains. It causes, like, cramping. Yeah, and stuff like that. Yeah.

[A]

So were you in hospital for a particularly bad moment of this?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

And did your fear come back at that particular point or. Not really.

[B]

Not really, because I was in such bad pain. You don't care where you are, really. You're just like, just fix me. Sort it.

[A]

How does it impact your life, would you say?

[B]

Oh, my God. Well, every single month, you know it's coming. That's the issue. And it's like you get pains when you're, like, ovulating, and then you also get pains then when you're having a period. And it's also painful during, like, sexual interactions with your partner. And there's really. There's no cure for it. They can do operations to remove the lining, but it just grows back. So it's only. Yeah, it literally grows back.

[A]

So can you try and describe the pain?

[B]

Oh, gosh. For me, it's like searing pain. It's like not being able to sit down because the pain is strong up through your back and everything. Cramps are, like, horrendous. Honestly, I can't actually explain it. It's like my mum was the one who eventually was like, okay, we're gonna get you diagnosed because this is so bad. I've never seen any like it. I would lose all color and I'd be passing out and she'd have to hold me up right on the toilet because I'd be vomiting into the bathtub. Yeah. While I'm trying to just go to the toilet. And I can't stand up straight because the pain is so bad. It's like you just need to be balled over. I think the worst thing is now not living at home and not having my mum to help me. That's the worst part. Because when it's really bad, you literally can't do anything. It's whatever you're doing has to stop. So if I'm, like, midway through cooking, you have to stop.

[A]

So who helps you now?

[B]

Who helps me now? To be honest, a lot of it I'm doing alone. It wasn't that long ago I split with my ex. So he was quite helpful when I was going through things.

[A]

But not now.

[B]

But not now. Now I'm on my own. Yeah. But sometimes I do have to call people and people have to come and help. Yeah. It's very intense.

[A]

Blimey.

[B]

Apparently I saw recently it's in the top 10 most painful conditions.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Top 10. What number?

[B]

Yeah, I didn't see these.

[A]

Number one.

[B]

Number one. Not number one. Wow, you're a pussy.

[A]

Talk to me. How has it changed you as a person?

[B]

Changed me? I've tried to learn about my body more, which is where I think I've got more in tune with nature. And like, I'm very passionate now about women living more the way that they should. And I think that your cycle has a lot with how you should live.

[A]

Interesting.

[B]

Yeah. And I think that we.

[A]

Tell me more about that.

[B]

I think a lot of people speak about this now and I know that there's some strong opinions, but I do think that men and women are inherently different. And I think that we try to live a lot like just men and we shouldn't. And I think it actually affects our health.

[A]

Don't live like men.

[B]

Yeah, but I think it affects our health. Like, even they say that a man cycle is 24 hours and a woman is usually around 28 days. So when you're tired in the morning, that's because of certain levels in your hormones. Whereas a woman might have those levels of hormones for like four days where we might feel so low and we don't have the energy to do anything. We just have to push through. So I'm learning more stuff like that. I'm learning during certain parts of my cycle to not push myself so much. And I think that's made a difference. And the way I eat, I eat differently for certain times my cycle. And I seed cycle now. So I eat certain seeds during seed cycle. Yeah. Because seeds help your hormones. Pumpkin seeds, when do they come in, though? So pumpkin seeds, what I'm having now. So I'm pretty sure that's when you're in your like, follicular phase. That's like when you've come off your period. Yeah. And it's so follicular and ovulatory and then like things like sunflower seeds you have then when you're on your period and.

[A]

Absolutely fantastic.

[B]

Don't completely quote me on that, though. I might need to Google it. Yeah.

[A]

I'm gonna start having all the seeds now and hope that my cycles just get better. Is there anything that's been a blessing in disguise about it, you know, as horrible as it's been.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm glad for this element of it.

[B]

Yeah. I think for years, this ties into me being a tomboy as well. There was an era of my life where I was like, mum, I want to be a boy. I don't want to have periods. I don't want to do this. I don't even want kids. And da, da, da. And I really hated being a woman. I really, really didn't like it. And I think through having the condition, I don't know, I ended up learning more about a woman's body. Why I'm having certain feelings and learning how to eat and how to help myself alongside it, just to ease symptoms. And I think it gave me a whole new respect for women as a whole. There's just such a superhuman quality about women's bodies and, like, how we literally.

[A]

Create life, of course, 100%.

[B]

But I think. I think loads of people say of course. But I think when you actually start to learn about it, I don't know, it's so fascinating. It sounds like it should be the opposite way round. Through having this condition, I said I should hate being a woman more, But I've actually grown more appreciation for my body. And that, I think, is invaluable.

[A]

I love that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Tell me about witches.

[B]

Witches, okay.

[A]

Because you mentioned witches earlier.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

How does one get in?

[B]

Growing up in the 90s, there was so much about witches, like, so many TV shows, films. It was, like, proper cool. So I think already our age group was kind of open to it. And then, I don't know, now I've learned, like, the history side of it. And it came into herbalism and foraging and stuff, because women were realizing there was certain plants that they could eat which would terminate pregnancies. So if you're with a husband that you didn't love, which would happen all the time, obviously, and you were worried you were pregnant, Women were having these herbs, and men hated knowing that women had control over something because obviously they controlled everything to do with women at those times. It goes to show the power in women.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like. Yeah. And that we are so, like, inherently in tune with nature and cycles. And I think we've been pushed. Whoever they are, they come up with it. Yeah. They don't want us to be in touch with it all. I think there's something to be feared, in a sense, when we all work together, living the way that we should with Earth, but it's not. They want something else for us, these nays.

[A]

So now You're. Now you're. You're. I mean, now you don't have a job?

[B]

No, I'm starting at the end of the month.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Yes, I'm gonna move into a job, yeah.

[A]

Oh, I see.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

If you didn't have to do a job.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What do you think you would do?

[B]

Oh, my God, so much. I think about this all the time. I love this time off. I have so many hobbies I don't have time for.

[A]

Hit me.

[B]

I love painting.

[A]

Lovely. What are your paintings like?

[B]

Actually, I do a lot of naked women and a lot of fruit.

[A]

Naked women and fruit?

[B]

Yeah, they're two together a lot.

[A]

One particular fruit.

[B]

Anything that sort of represents female anatomy or, like. I don't know. There's something quite sexual about some fruit, I think this is true. There is, isn't it? Peach. Yeah, peaches. Yeah, peaches.

[A]

Sexiest fruit.

[B]

Cherries. Pomegranate.

[A]

Are there any fruits that aren't sexiest?

[B]

Exactly. Now we're getting into it, actually.

[A]

What is the un. Sexiest. Sexiest fruit? Let's think. It's actually really hard. I mean, blueberry.

[B]

Blueberry.

[A]

Yeah, probably.

[B]

Yeah, probably.

[A]

You know what I mean? I mean, I feel like it's like it's not giving anything, like, overly sexualized to me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Necessarily.

[B]

Kiwi, maybe. Not sexy.

[A]

I mean, there's a quite a reveal. Do you know what I mean? Imagine your first kiwi brown.

[B]

And yeah, you were like.

[A]

If you look on the outside. Oh, what's that? You know, you cut it. You're like, oh, hello.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Kind of quite sexy kiwi. You're not looking at kiwis. Right. That's your problem. You've got to rethink kiwis. Maybe that's what you need to do to paint sexy kiwis.

[B]

And actually, like, justice for kiwis.

[A]

Exactly. Like bring back sexy kiwis.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Anyway, so you paint. You paint these. Sorry. Try to find. Our mission to find the.

[B]

Do you know what? You're gonna be walking down the road one day and you all can't see me and go. Random fro and go.

[A]

That's really not sexiest. That was the unsexiest one. Undoubtedly the unsexiest one. And then I'll definitely remember.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Have you ever put a kiwi in one kiwi in.

[B]

In a painting? No. No, I haven't really opened my eyes.

[A]

It's gotta happen now.

[B]

I didn't think I was gonna get sent to inspiration.

[A]

If it doesn't happen. If it doesn't Happen. I'm gonna be devastated. I'll buy it.

[B]

I'll buy it, okay?

[A]

I'll buy it. Whatever it looks like.

[B]

This is a commission. This is a commission, okay?

[A]

Massive Kiwi with a tiny naked woman on it. Can you think of the best lie you've ever told?

[B]

Oh, best lie. Oh, my God. No. No. Do you know what I've just thought of?

[A]

Oh, no. What?

[B]

No. It's funny. When I was a little kid, me and my brother were arguing. This is gonna make me sound like a psycho. I'm not. It was just kids.

[A]

It's fine.

[B]

We were arguing and I pushed him and he fell down the stairs. And I was holding my dinner in one hand and I was like, shit. My brother was going, mam.

[C]

Mum.

[B]

At the bottom of stairs. And I was like, there's only one option. I have to throw myself down as well. So when my mum comes, I go, no, I fell and I pushed him with me. So my brother was like, she's lying. She's lying. But there's dinner all over the stairs. I'm also, like, broken at the bottom of the stairs. And I was like, mum, I wouldn't have thrown myself down the stairs. Right? And she was like, no, fully. That's the first thing that came to mind.

[A]

That's a good. That is a. There's a lot to unpack there. And what did your brother think about? There he was at the bottom, like, what's going on? He's been pushed down the stairs, and then he's had dinner flung down the stairs at him and his sister. Probably land on him.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Poor guy. That's a really good one.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Any recent lies?

[B]

No, no.

[A]

So from that point on, you, I.

[B]

Was like, this is too much. This caused me too much harm. No, I really can't think of anything.

[A]

What was your breakup like?

[B]

My breakup?

[A]

Perfect segue.

[B]

How did that go?

[A]

Sometimes you just gotta kind of make your own bridge.

[B]

You certainly did that. No. Yeah. He was a great guy. And there's not great enough.

[A]

No.

[B]

Not great enough. No. He has a passion for music and he really wants to be a musician.

[A]

Not music.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You didn't hate his music?

[B]

No, no, no. Didn't hate his music. No, no.

[A]

What was his music like?

[B]

I always supported his music. Wanted to do music.

[A]

Did he write songs about you?

[B]

Yeah, loads of songs about me.

[A]

What was that like?

[B]

It's hard to say, actually. Cause some are nice, obviously, but then some are like, you're getting their side of the story through a song. And you'd be Like, I can't even respond. It's a song, but I want to be like, that's not how it went.

[A]

You gotta do your own song.

[B]

Yeah, I know. I've envied people that can.

[A]

Can you sing?

[B]

Well, I don't know if you can hear my accent, but I'm from Wales, and everyone from Wales can sing. You can sing.

[A]

You can sing. Come on. Do you know the Welsh national anthem?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I love that.

[B]

Yeah, it's a good one.

[A]

Can you sing it for me?

[B]

No way.

[A]

Should we sing it together?

[B]

Do you want to sing it?

[A]

Although it's in Welsh, isn't it?

[B]

Yeah, of course. Do you know it?

[A]

Another tune?

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Maybe we should finish when we finish. We should finish by singing. Trying to sing it.

[B]

Okay. Fabulous.

[A]

Okay. So.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What kind of thing? Like, can you say what kind of thing?

[B]

Like, was he saying what, in the songs?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, there's one song where it was like, it was things.

[A]

She's a witch. Yeah.

[B]

Imagine.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Just straight to the point.

[A]

My girlfriend's a witch.

[B]

Yeah. No, it was like there was something where I was like, that's what I would say. And it was always something that he disagreed with. And then he put it in the song, making it sound really romantic that it was coming from the guy, and I was like, that's what I would say.

[A]

So was it an amicable? Amicable, sorry.

[B]

Yeah. We're still friends and we still text.

[A]

What do you think's gonna happen?

[B]

I don't know. That's when I wish my witchcraft skills could.

[A]

What are the witches saying?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Literally. I don't know. It's hard to say. But, yeah, I do stand by. Like, I know what I want out of my life, and I don't want to be the type of person that settles because of someone else. Like, I'd like, his dreams are so strong. I was reaching a point that I was sacrificing a lot that I want to do in my life to live his dreams. And then I realized I was like, whenever I want to pursue something, I don't get the same support. I need to do what I need to do. I favor myself right now. Which was a change.

[A]

Yeah. You know, made so much sense.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so, you know, looking forward, what do you think? What do you feel now?

[B]

What, as in, like, if I go out with another musician or something?

[A]

Oh, no, just generally. How does. How does. Well, go about find the right kind of lover.

[B]

Oh, I don't want one. Now I'm really enjoying. I realized how much I gave, like, I wanted to make sure that they were eating really healthy and like I was helping them in terms of, like, doing like, laundry and stuff like that. Being a good partner, what I think is a good partner. But then I realized that that came as like a detriment to myself because then there was nights I wasn't going out because I felt like I wanted to catch up on certain things. Do you know what I mean? So now I'm living just for myself and it's like, if I've had a day where I really can't be asked to cook, I won't cook. Whereas I felt like I was kind of letting someone else down if he was coming home and then there wasn't food and he was never asking me to do these things. That's just the type of person I am in a relationship. I like to give a lot. I've realized that if it wasn't necessarily 100% perfect, I shouldn't be giving that much of myself to someone. And I think I'm just enjoying living for me right now. I think I'm young enough to as well.

[A]

What would you try and do differently this time around?

[B]

I don't know if it's. I don't. Oh, that's a hard one. I don't know if necessarily I would do anything different because I think that is just the type of person I recognized a lot of my mum in me. She's just that type of mum and partner. Like she does a lot for my dad, which is what I think I just then automatically did myself. But I think that's nice and I think that's a skill that complements being a woman quite well. Not saying I want to be a trad wife or anything because that's like a taboo thing to talk about these days as well. But like, it felt just a bit unbalanced. So it's more. So I think I'd be more aware of what am I getting out of this as well. Because he literally told me I was second best to music. Like, he literally said that music was the top and I was below that, really. So, yeah.

[A]

So it's all for the best.

[B]

All for the best, really? Yeah. Because I think I would have been stuck there still and I didn't realize how much it was having an effect on me. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Can you. Without saying where we are, don't say the name of where we are.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Can you say what you can see in front of us? Describe it and how it makes you feel? Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Wait, so I Can say tree.

[A]

You can't say any names or anything, but you can describe. Sorry, you can't say the name of, like, the park we're in.

[B]

Okay. I thought I was gonna have to.

[A]

Sorry. Yeah. Like, I can't say grass. I can't say person. What can I say? It's.

[B]

We're in a white box everywhere in the studio. Two straight jackets, white box. So I've just got to describe.

[A]

Yeah. What's in front of you?

[B]

Two trees. One.

[A]

I hate to break it, I hate to ruin this, but there's a lot more than two trees.

[B]

No, but right now, in my sudden vision, we're getting there. Hang on. Artistic.

[A]

Okay, Sorry.

[B]

Okay, we have a footpath in front of us, then some grass. Then we have two trees, one directly in front of me. What tree is this? Actually?

[A]

It's got a sign on.

[B]

Does.

[A]

What does that say? Should I go and have a look?

[B]

Do I have a little look?

[A]

Hang on. I can take the beauty of these microphones. You take with you.

[B]

Give me a hint when you get it.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, I mean, it's the name of the tree.

[B]

Oh, what, like Ralph?

[A]

No, Ralph. No, as in the. You know, the.

[B]

The type of tree. Yes. Give me a hint what that is.

[A]

All right, sorry. It's Ralph. It's Ralph. It's. Is it like it goes with a pea?

[B]

Pine?

[A]

No.

[B]

Go on, tell me.

[A]

It's a poplar.

[B]

Oh, Pop would never have guessed that. Okay, so we've got a poplar in front of us, then slightly off to that. We've got one tree, but it's branched off into three, and people have drawn all over it. So, like, there's a lot of love yous and people have, like, carved into.

[A]

Oh, they have, haven't they? Oh, God. Just tell me. I just gotta go over there now. Do you want to go and see that one?

[B]

Should we go see the tree?

[A]

Should we go see it? Hang on.

[B]

I have to put my shoes on.

[A]

The magic of technology. I think it should work. This is the furthest anyone's been, I.

[B]

Think, on this is it.

[A]

That's about what.

[B]

It's broken a lot of boundaries today.

[A]

About 15 meters away, I reckon 20 meters. So take that with you. She's off to go shoot the tree. Here we go. What she gonna find?

[B]

There's an ove. To be fair, this has been written ages ago because the trees grown over it. Look, one wood looks like dye and love heart. Don't think it was that entertaining, really. It's kind of. It's really overgrown you can just see where. I'm guessing it said love, but it just says ve.

[A]

Fantastic. So what are we saying? Where were we? Now we reach. We're kind of towards. We're nearly the Welsh nasalanthon.

[B]

Oh, God, now I'm getting scared.

[A]

I always ask. The last kind of question I asked was the one I asked everyone, which is, what are you gonna do next? Do you have an answer to that one? And then we'll do the. Try and do the Welshnau's anthem. You try and say that while I get. Try and get up in my phone.

[B]

Hmm. I feel like I have an idea of what I want to do with my life in a sense. I guess my friend was that she just texted me and she's on like a spiritual retreat type thing at the moment. And she was like. I just had this feeling. She was like, we need to do something together. And we've never spoke about this before, but it was so funny when she's recently just come back from Africa and while she was away, I had the feeling that we needed to start running our own spiritual retreat.

[A]

You can do it.

[B]

Yeah, that's it. Yeah. Start.

[A]

Find the people.

[B]

They say start small. Yeah, exactly, exactly.

[A]

Call it just witchcraft. Witchcraft to me. Witchy.

[B]

But it's just like witchy way.

[A]

Yeah, my witchy way.

[B]

The witchy way. The witchy way. Yeah.

[A]

But basically all things are just, you know, you just gotta start them and then see what happens.

[B]

Exactly. And I was discussing with Chatgpt on how to get it running.

[A]

Oh, really?

[B]

Because that's the way to do it.

[A]

What were they saying?

[B]

He said, that's the dip.

[A]

That is day, isn't it?

[B]

There is AI all along.

[A]

That is the. They.

[B]

We caught you. We got you in the end.

[A]

Okay, I think let's now let's. I'm gonna get. I'm gonna get out the wash now.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And let's try and sing this. Let's sing. Let's sing this.

[B]

Oh, geez.

[A]

Okay, so it's this.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So the tune is like. And then it goes like. Okay, now this is going to be so.

[B]

You know, I haven't done this since I was in primary school, so I actually.

[A]

I don't know if this could be worse for me or for you.

[B]

Oh, God. Probably me. I've got an expectation of Hang Glad for Nadine and really me.

[A]

How's that one?

[B]

I don't even know it. I don't even know it.

[A]

Is that it?

[B]

Yeah, that's pretty good.

[A]

We did all right there.

[B]

I proper showed that I can't do it.

[A]

No, but you.

[B]

My dad will be really embarrassed. God, we panicked.

[A]

There we go. Well, thank you so much. We made it. We made it to the end.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

It was really interesting.

[A]

That's the first time it's finished with the Welsh.

[B]

And hopefully not the last.

[A]

Not the last.

[B]

Not the last.

[A]

We know. Actually probably will be the last. Because I wouldn't do that again.

[B]

Actually do it.

[A]

No, because, like, we could. That was the time to do.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Well, thank you very much. Thank you.

[B]

Thank you. It was fun. It was definitely interesting.

[C]

Brother I quit my job today. Never liked it anyway. Ran out of things to say And I never Never quite belong Brother I used to think that we were one? And being you was fun Till I felt the pain Saw the blood Realized I was wrong Red Drew. Running like a boy through my mind following your lead Leaving the girls behind Fall downstairs and fairy wings Leave all these childhood things Now I follow the blood Follow the blood Follow Now I follow the blood Follow the blood follows head but women bleed And I got everything I need and it's good in the garden. Cause I planted the seed. The heart's a hungry mouth to feed. That's the last time I ever come second to a song. I loved your baby. But you know that drum? I can sing if I wanted. I could howl at the moon. There's a big change coming and it's coming.