Podcast Summary: Strangers on a Bench – EPISODE 34: Living on Borrowed Time

Release Date: May 5, 2025 | Host: Tom Rosenthal

In Episode 34 of Strangers on a Bench, host Tom Rosenthal engages in a profound and heartfelt conversation with David, a retired psychotherapist. This episode, titled "Living on Borrowed Time," delves deep into David's personal and professional life, exploring themes of health, retirement, psychotherapy, family, and mindfulness. Through candid dialogue, David shares his journey of overcoming a severe health crisis, his reflections on his therapeutic practice, and his approach to meditation and personal growth.

David’s Ideal Sunday and Life After Retirement

The episode begins with Tom inviting David to share his favorite day of the week and his ideal Sunday routine. David describes a serene and fulfilling day spent with his wife, enjoying breakfast, walking around the heath, visiting his children, and ending the day with dinner and classical music.

David (00:46): "Quite like Sunday, because there's no Guardian newspaper and I can just have an easy morning and come to the day slowly and gradually."

He reflects on how his Sundays have evolved since retiring due to health issues, highlighting the tranquility and simplicity that now define his weekends.

A Sudden Health Crisis: Cushing’s Disease

David recounts the abrupt end of his psychotherapy practice following a sudden illness that led to a six-month hospitalization. He was diagnosed with Cushing's disease, a condition that dramatically affected his physical and mental health.

David (02:09): "I was 80 now and it. It. It's still a shock. Yeah, it took quite a lot of adjusting..."

David shares the emotional turmoil of leaving his practice and the impact it had on both him and his patients.

The Struggle and Recovery

During his hospital stay, David experienced severe physiological and psychological challenges. He describes moments of despair and the critical interventions that saved his life, emphasizing his gratitude for his recovery.

David (03:07): "I nearly died, really."

He discusses the difficulty of adjusting to retirement unexpectedly and the ongoing feeling of living "on borrowed time."

Coping Mechanisms: Meditation and Gratitude

David credits his Tibetan Buddhist practices—meditation and mantras—as pivotal in his recovery and ongoing mental stability. He also highlights the importance of gratitude, especially after his discharge from the hospital, where his family's support played a crucial role.

David (05:24): "But I follow a Tibetan Buddhist path, so my own meditation and my own mantras and things, that was enormously helpful during that time."

He reminisces about the moment he returned home, surrounded by his family, which reinforced his appreciation for life.

David (07:48): "It was like just such gratitude to be alive."

Professional Life: Psychotherapy and Patient Relationships

David delves into his career as a psychotherapist, discussing the deep relationships formed with long-term patients and the emotional complexities of ending these relationships. He emphasizes the delicate balance required in therapy between challenging and supporting patients.

David (16:45): "You have to keep rethinking that and realizing that very often you don't know."

He reflects on the ethical responsibilities of a therapist and the continuous learning involved in avoiding the pitfalls of assuming the role of the "one who knows."

Challenges and Mistakes in Therapy

The conversation turns to the inevitable mistakes therapists make, particularly in interpreting patients' emotions and experiences. David admits to numerous errors and the importance of active listening and patience in the therapeutic process.

David (19:18): "Trying to sort of read into something that wasn't accurate and having to re-establish in myself and listen again..."

He acknowledges the emotional toll that difficult sessions, especially with suicidal patients, can have on a therapist.

Personal Reflections: Death and Family Losses

David shares poignant memories of losing his parents, particularly his father, who struggled with polio-induced disabilities. He reflects on the complex emotions surrounding his father's lack of expressed affection and how it shaped his relationships and personal development.

David (31:18): "He doesn't love me, you know."

He recounts the peaceful and intimate moments with his mother during her final days, highlighting the terror and beauty of witnessing death.

David (25:55): "That moment with my mother... is terrifying. But it's also terribly touching."

Meditation and Mindfulness Practices

The discussion shifts to David's meditation practices, where he elucidates his mindfulness techniques aimed at grounding himself in reality amidst a chaotic world. He underscores the significance of breath as a tool to quiet the mind and maintain mental equilibrium.

David (13:41): "It's like your breath is the way to sort of quieten your mind."

He advocates for the respect of silence and stillness, drawing parallels to the pauses in music that hold as much power as the notes themselves.

Life After Therapy: Seeking Purpose

In the latter part of the conversation, David contemplates his purpose post-retirement from psychotherapy. He expresses a desire to continue meditating and being present for his family, particularly his grandchild, while grappling with the question of his path forward without a professional framework.

David (23:40): "What I want to do as much as possible is to meditate more often and be ready for whatever is going to happen."

Conclusion: Embracing the Present and Future

As the episode closes, David shares light-hearted moments about his daily life, including cooking a vegetable curry, showcasing his ability to find joy in simple activities. The conversation transitions smoothly from deep philosophical discussions to the mundane aspects of life, illustrating the balance David seeks between introspection and everyday living.

David (36:23): "I'm going to go home and cook a vegetable curry, which I looked up this morning."

Tom and David part on warm notes, reflecting mutual respect and appreciation for the shared vulnerabilities discussed throughout the episode.

Notable Quotes:

• David (00:46): "Quite like Sunday, because there's no Guardian newspaper and I can just have an easy morning and come to the day slowly and gradually."

• David (05:24): "But I follow a Tibetan Buddhist path, so my own meditation and my own mantras and things, that was enormously helpful during that time."

• David (19:18): "Trying to sort of read into something that wasn't accurate and having to re-establish in myself and listen again..."

• David (25:55): "That moment with my mother... is terrifying. But it's also terribly touching."

• David (13:41): "It's like your breath is the way to sort of quieten your mind."

• David (36:23): "I'm going to go home and cook a vegetable curry, which I looked up this morning."

Closing Thoughts:

"Living on Borrowed Time" is a compelling episode that offers listeners an intimate glimpse into David's resilience and wisdom. Through his experiences, David imparts valuable lessons on coping with unexpected life changes, the essence of meaningful relationships, and the pursuit of inner peace. Tom Rosenthal masterfully facilitates a conversation that is both introspective and universally relatable, making this episode a standout in the Strangers on a Bench series.