Podcast Summary: Strangers on a Bench Episode 37: Pain Softens Your Heart Release Date: May 26, 2025

In Episode 37 of "Strangers on a Bench," host Tom Rosenthal engages in a profound and heartfelt conversation with an anonymous guest who shares her deeply personal journey through childhood trauma, religious struggles, and eventual healing. This episode, titled "Pain Softens Your Heart," delves into themes of abuse, resilience, spirituality, and the quest for inner peace.

Opening the Dialogue: Favorite Days and Early Memories

The conversation begins with Tom approaching the guest to discuss her favorite day of the week. She reveals that Friday holds special significance for her as a Muslim, associating it with community prayers and spiritual celebration.

Guest (00:46): "My favorite day is a Friday because being a Muslim, I think people gather for prayer and it's known to be like a special day, a day of celebration."

She nostalgically recalls childhood Fridays, highlighting the joy of school days free from obligations and the comforting smells of fish and chips.

Guest (01:48): "I remember that was a positive memory... something to look forward to during those days."

Navigating Faith and Childhood Restrictions

The discussion shifts to her limited access to religious practices during childhood. The guest explains that parental restrictions prevented her from attending the mosque, attributing this to her father's controlling and abusive behavior.

Guest (02:58): "It was a parental thing... my father... I’d faced a lot of abuse from him."

She candidly shares the emotional turmoil caused by these restrictions and the conflicting teachings she received about her faith.

Guest (03:18): "I would confront my dad... and then he got fed up of it. He actually physically abused me."

Healing Through Spirituality and Therapy

Despite the abuse, the guest finds solace in rare visits to a Turkish mosque and later, personal spiritual experiences that validate her feelings of injustice.

Guest (05:25): "I saw him and I remember he was in my kitchen... I was very happy to see you."

She contrasts her childhood prayers, which felt detached, with her current heartfelt prayers born from pain and empathy.

Guest (06:40): "I noticed that pain softens your heart. I think it creates empathy... to build that relationship with God."

Confronting Family Abuse and Seeking Independence

The guest delves deeper into her family dynamics, expressing anger towards both her parents for their roles in the abuse. She recounts a pivotal moment where conflict with her father leads to police involvement.

Guest (08:29): "I am angry at my mom because I think she used her victimization as a way to control me... I had to leave."

Her narrative reveals the complex emotions tied to her mother's complicity and her father's aggression, illustrating the profound impact on her mental health.

Violence, Marriage, and Escaping Control

Transitioning to adulthood, the guest discusses a brief and troubled marriage, marking another chapter of abuse and manipulation. She details how reciting Quranic verses provided her with the strength to confront and ultimately leave her abusive spouse.

Guest (21:06): "I kept reciting them, reciting them, and I just gradually felt like my spirit was just going."

Her experience underscores the role of spirituality and therapy in her path to recovery, highlighting the significance of finding support and validation.

Building Connections and Future Aspirations

Amidst her struggles, the guest finds comfort in meaningful relationships, such as a friendship with a "soul sister" who offers empathy and understanding.

Guest (26:37): "She validated a lot of my feelings, a lot of my pain. It was heartwarming to see someone that had empathy."

Looking forward, she aspires to become a psychotherapist, motivated by her desire to help others by offering the same validation and support she received.

Guest (28:03): "I'd want to go the psychology route and be maybe a psychotherapist and help other people."

Finding Joy and Embracing the Present

Despite her past, the guest shares simple joys that bring her happiness, such as feeding birds and interacting with children, reflecting her ability to find peace in small moments.

Guest (29:33): "I enjoy feeding the birds... seeing the joy in him. So I was happy to be a part of that."

She envisions a serene life on a dream farm, symbolizing freedom and a safe space to express herself.

Guest (31:23): "I just think that the tall grass... I can just run through it so no one sees you."

Closing Reflections and Moving Forward

As the conversation wraps up, the guest emphasizes her commitment to healing and personal growth, planning to return to university and continue her journey toward inner peace.

Guest (32:50): "I am going to go back into uni, study, do what I need to do. Head down, I guess, focus on healing."

Her closing remarks encapsulate a message of hope and resilience, inspiring listeners to find strength amidst adversity.

Notable Quotes:

• On Pain and Empathy:

  "I noticed that pain softens your heart... it keeps me close to God." (06:40)

• On Family Abuse:

  "I am angry at my mom because I think she used her victimization as a way to control me." (08:31)

• On Spiritual Strength:

  "I kept reciting them, reciting them, and I just gradually felt like my spirit was just going." (21:06)

• On Future Aspirations:

  "I'd want to go the psychology route and be maybe a psychotherapist and help other people." (28:03)

Concluding Thoughts

Episode 37 of "Strangers on a Bench" offers a raw and honest exploration of one individual's struggle with familial abuse, religious trauma, and the arduous path to healing. Through her vulnerability, the guest highlights the profound impact of pain on personal growth and empathy, ultimately finding strength in spirituality and the desire to support others. Tom Rosenthal masterfully facilitates this intimate conversation, providing a platform for stories that resonate with many who seek understanding and connection.

Note: All times referenced are based on the episode's transcript provided.