EPISODE 40: A Seal Called Noon

Summary

Strangers on a Bench: Episode 40 - "A Seal Called Noon"

Host: Tom Rosenthal
Guest: Jordan
Release Date: June 16, 2025
Podcast Description: In "Strangers on a Bench," Tom Rosenthal engages in intimate conversations with anonymous strangers he meets in London's parks. By ensuring anonymity, Tom fosters genuine and open dialogues, uncovering surprising personal revelations.

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Introducing Jordan and His Ideal Sunday

The episode kicks off with Tom, referred to as Alex in the transcript, approaching Jordan on a park bench to discuss his ideal Sunday. Jordan paints a vivid picture of a relaxed day:

Jordan [00:54]: "My ideal Sunday lived on this funny earth. Usually I'm in London on a Sunday. I have friends who work in a market so I go see them, but before that I go to a 12 step meeting in the mornings, chatting with people and then I go to the market, have free food, get free kimchi, socialise, and then I might head off either home or wherever I'm staying on that day. So, yeah, it's just a day filled with some speaking to people I enjoy being around."

Jordan appreciates social interactions on Sundays, a contrast to his usual preference for solitude. This balance highlights his need for meaningful connections amidst a solitary lifestyle.

Solitude vs. Social Interactions

The conversation delves into Jordan's preference for alone time and how Sundays serve as his "people time." He explains that despite enjoying social interactions, solitude is his default state:

Jordan [01:31]: "Yeah, I like my own company a lot. Yeah. I tend to just be with myself a lot more than with other people. So, yeah, it's nice to just have a day where I see lots of people and then kind of get it done. Yeah."

Jordan finds Sundays fulfilling without feeling exhausted afterward, indicating his ability to recharge through selective social engagements.

Personal Reflections and Self-Understanding

Alex probes deeper into Jordan's relationship with himself, a significant topic in their discussion:

Jordan [02:18]: "With myself. Oh, well, it's challenging. Wow. Yeah, I change a lot, so I feel like I'm different people at any kind of opportunity."

Jordan acknowledges the fluctuating nature of his personality and creativity, showing self-awareness and the complexity of his internal world.

Overcoming Self-Like and Personal Growth

Jordan discusses the importance of self-acceptance and personal growth, particularly through his participation in a 12-step program:

Jordan [03:03]: "Well, you need to like yourself first. I think if you don't like something, you're not going to do it."

He emphasizes that self-appreciation is foundational to personal development, a lesson he learned through introspection and external support.

Family Dynamics and Personal Struggles

A significant portion of the dialogue revolves around Jordan's strained relationship with his family, particularly his mother and half-siblings:

Jordan [12:33]: "We're half siblings. So we have different dads. Yeah. Dysfunctional family. All that jazz."

Jordan recounts the discovery of his half-siblings and the complexities of navigating familial relationships. His candidness about familial dysfunction highlights his journey toward self-reliance.

The Impact of 12-Step Meetings and Mentorship

Jordan delves into his experience with the 12-step program, detailing the challenges and benefits:

Jordan [07:10]: "I wasn't present in a lot of other ways, but it wasn't drugs and alcohol."

He clarifies that his involvement is rooted in addressing deeper emotional struggles rather than substance abuse. Additionally, Jordan speaks about a mentor who has illuminated his lack of self-worth:

Jordan [24:36]: "He kind of illuminated my lack of self worth. Yeah. He kind of just pointed out that I have a punishing view of myself often."

This mentorship has been pivotal in his journey towards self-acceptance and emotional healing.

Fear of Relationships and Vulnerability

A poignant part of the episode explores Jordan's fear of romantic relationships and vulnerability:

Jordan [22:09]: "Probably abandonment. Just, like, once I really, like, give myself and I'm really, like, into the relationship and then they just leave. That would, like, break me completely."

Jordan's reluctance to engage in romantic relationships stems from a deep-seated fear of abandonment and being emotionally known. This fear affects his ability to form lasting connections, as he often pushes potential partners away to shield himself from possible hurt.

Creative Pursuits: Plants, Bells, and Clay

Jordan shares his creative outlets, which include caring for plants, ringing bells, and working with clay:

Jordan [34:08]: "I've got a bell on my keyring. How much I Like bells. Oh, my God, yeah."

His unique interest in bells serves both as a personal expression and a practical means of self-announcement in public spaces. Additionally, Jordan’s dedication to plant care showcases his growth from someone who previously struggled to keep plants alive:

Jordan [37:38]: "I never used to be. I was actually very bad. I killed every plant I had. I killed my housemates plants. And I was so liberally. I didn't mean to. I just didn't know how to take care of plants. I felt really bad about that. But then after that, I was like, you know what? I'm gonna get some plants so I can learn how to take care of some plants. And then I did, and now I just have loads of plants."

Jordan's transformation into a proficient plant caretaker symbolizes his broader journey of self-improvement and nurturing.

The Enigmatic Seal: Noon

Throughout the episode, an enigmatic seal named Noon makes several appearances, adding an element of whimsical mystery:

Jordan [11:24]: "Well, I've been on this beach for a couple hours and it was at noon that it popped by, so I'm gonna call it Noon."

Noon serves as a recurring motif, blending humor with metaphorical undertones as Jordan navigates the conversation. The seal's intermittent appearances highlight Jordan’s playful side amidst serious discussions.

Memorable Anecdotes: Paper Rounds and Jobs

Jordan reminisces about his early work experiences, particularly his paper routes:

Jordan [27:05]: "I used to do the paper rounds in my town, my tiny town."

He fondly recalls the rewards and responsibilities of managing multiple paper routes as a child, linking these memories to his current work ethic:

Jordan [27:58]: "Yeah, I guess."

Jordan underscores the importance of dedication and customer service, drawing lessons from his childhood that continue to influence his professional demeanor.

Philosophical Musings and Future Aspirations

The dialogue transitions into Jordan's philosophical views and his aspirations for a sustainable, community-oriented lifestyle:

Jordan [29:44]: "I would go somewhere and grow my own food, have a little farm, have some chickens, try and be sustainable, try and live off the land for as long as I can."

Inspired by nature and sustainability, Jordan envisions a future where he lives harmoniously with the environment, reflecting his deep connection to the natural world and desire for self-sufficiency.

Books and Escapism

Reading serves as both an escape and an emotional conduit for Jordan. He discusses the impact of specific books on his outlook:

Jordan [36:01]: "I recommend."

Jordan [36:18]: "It's breaking my heart. It broke my heart two books ago. I'm still reading it."

Books like "Braiding Sweetgrass" and the "Morning Star" series provide Jordan with emotional depth and inspiration, influencing his perspectives on resilience and perseverance.

Building Traditions and Creative Rituals

Jordan contemplates starting new traditions, intertwining his love for music and creativity:

Jordan [33:03]: "Maybe I can."

Jordan [33:04]: "Maybe I can."

Jordan [34:08]: "What's your singing voice like?"

Jordan [35:26]: "What am I gonna do next? I'm probably gonna finish this chapter in my book. Maybe go for another walk and then go home and water my plants. Feed the cat. Maybe read some more. Maybe not. Maybe I'll watch something. Yeah. Catch up with a few people. Even though it's not Sunday. And then. Yeah, that's it. That's it."

These musings reveal Jordan's ongoing journey to find balance and meaning in his daily rituals, blending personal interests with newfound ambitions.

Conclusion: Embracing Vulnerability and Self-Acceptance

In the closing moments, Jordan reflects on his growth and the ongoing challenges of vulnerability:

Jordan [19:37]: "Yeah, I definitely need a parental figure, but I can't really expect other people or other things to be that for me. I kind of have to be that for myself."

Jordan [22:55]: "Just the vulnerability. Being vulnerable in front of someone else. Like someone knowing me that much is scary because. Yeah. I don't really know."

Jordan’s honesty about his fears and his commitment to self-reliance encapsulate the episode's overarching themes of introspection, personal growth, and the quest for meaningful connections.

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Notable Quotes:

• Jordan [03:03]: "Well, you need to like yourself first. I think if you don't like something, you're not going to do it."

• Jordan [12:33]: "We're half siblings. So we have different dads. Yeah. Dysfunctional family. All that jazz."

• Jordan [22:09]: "Probably abandonment. Just, like, once I really, like, give myself and I'm really, like, into the relationship and then they just leave. That would, like, break me completely."

• Jordan [37:38]: "I never used to be. I was actually very bad. I killed every plant I had. I killed my housemates plants."

• Jordan [29:44]: "I would go somewhere and grow my own food, have a little farm, have some chickens, try and be sustainable, try and live off the land for as long as I can."

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Final Thoughts:

Episode 40 of "Strangers on a Bench" offers an intimate glimpse into Jordan's life, revealing his struggles, growth, and unique interests. Through candid conversations, listeners gain a profound understanding of the complexities of human solitude, the importance of self-acceptance, and the enduring quest for authentic connections. The recurring mention of Noon the seal adds a layer of whimsical intrigue, perfectly complementing the episode's thoughtful dialogues.

Transcript

[Alex]

Hello, sorry to bother you, Can I ask you a slightly odd question? I'm making a podcast called Strangers on a Bench where essentially I talk to people I don't know on benches for 10 or 15 minutes. Are you up for that? Do you want to give it a. Is there a day of the week that you favor?

[Jordan]

I quite like Sundays. Sundays are quite relaxed. Yeah.

[Alex]

What is your kind of ideal Sunday?

[Jordan]

My ideal Sunday lived on this funny earth. On this funny earth. Usually I'm in London on a Sunday. I have friends who work in a market so I go see them, but before that I go to a 12 step meeting in the mornings, chatting with people and then I go to the market, have free food, get free kimchi, socialise, and then I might head off either home or wherever I'm staying on that day. So, yeah, it's just a day filled with some speaking to people I enjoy being around.

[Alex]

That sounds very nice. Do you feel like you don't get do that enough? I mean, is that kind of why.

[Jordan]

Yeah, I. I like my own company a lot. Yeah. I tend to just be with myself a lot more than with other people. So, yeah, it's nice to just have a day where I see lots of people and then kind of get it done. Yeah.

[Alex]

And you feel like, oh, that's my people time. How do you feel at the end of that day? Does it kind of exhaust you?

[Jordan]

No, it's quite good.

[Alex]

Oh, I see. So you feel really good but then you choose then not to do it again.

[Jordan]

Well.

[Alex]

Or again. But in a week's time.

[Jordan]

Yeah, in like a week's time. Because it's just nice to be there for other people for a bit. And then afterwards I can think. Yeah. I was present for someone's life and their story, so that was nice. And then I go back to myself.

[Alex]

What is it? I mean, this is a big question straight off the bat, what is it like being with yourself?

[Jordan]

With myself. Oh, well, it's challenging. Wow. Yeah, I change a lot, so I feel like I'm different people at any kind of opportunity. But. Yeah.

[Alex]

What does that, what does that mean?

[Jordan]

It depends how I'm feeling, really. Sometimes I can be really creative. I can be making loads of things and sometimes I'm not creative at all and just want to sit and do nothing. Sometimes I'm cooking and that's something I do with myself. Yeah. Or I'll go for a walk and sit somewhere. So, yeah, I guess I'm different people, depending on the situation.

[Alex]

How do you, you know, if someone was listening who wasn't so good at being with themselves. I think there's. It is a bit of an art. Like some people are just really bad at it. Right. And they just need any constant something around them or something to bounce off or this kind of stuff. But how do you get good at it?

[Jordan]

Well, you need to like yourself first. I think if you don't like something, you're not going to do it.

[Alex]

Yes.

[Jordan]

So. So you need to find something about yourself that you enjoy or that you want to work on. And then you've got to do it and do more of it.

[Alex]

Simple as that. Did you always like yourself?

[Jordan]

No.

[Alex]

No.

[Jordan]

Okay. No.

[Alex]

Can you tell me about the time you didn't or when how that shifted?

[Jordan]

I guess I just spent a lot of time alone with myself and I didn't like it when I was younger. And in my later years, later years, in my teenage years, I chose like isolation from people just because it felt easier. Just because I didn't know what to do with other people or how to be with other people and it was just easier not to. So, yeah, it's not easy to like things about you, but you get there eventually.

[Alex]

What was the kind of turning point then for you?

[Jordan]

I kind of just realized, what am I living for if I'm not living for myself? Like, why do I dislike myself? And then all these questions kind of led to some internal reflection, a lot of internal reflection. And it came to you like, oh, it's because of this or this or this. And it's like, oh, these are all things that I can change.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

So why don't I? And yeah.

[Alex]

What was your first port of change? As in? What was that first one?

[Jordan]

The first change? Probably just showing up for myself, doing things that would actually benefit me rather than keep me held back. But it wasn't something I did alone. I had my older sibling really forced me into these kind of these self reflection groups.

[Alex]

Is this good? Are you happy they did that?

[Jordan]

At the time I was like, leave me alone. Now I'm like, okay, I'm thankful for the intervention. It did help me out.

[Alex]

So now do you thank the sibling?

[Jordan]

I do, but pride holds me back.

[Alex]

Oh, you haven't?

[Jordan]

I do. I have thanked them, but part of me is a bit like, no, I'm not gonna thank them too much. I'll thank them enough.

[Alex]

Just a really tiny thank you.

[Jordan]

Yeah, thanks for that.

[Alex]

Takes it. You mentioned 12 steps. What's that?

[Jordan]

It's like a spiritual program. It's like 12 steps to recovery. There's a Lot of, like, Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous that follow Tony A's 12 steps of recovery. And it's just like basic kind of guidelines on how to become accountable and responsible for yourself and how to just be a healthier and happier person.

[Alex]

What were you recovering from, may I ask?

[Jordan]

I didn't get into drugs or alcohol. Crazy. But, yeah, there were some things that I went through when I was younger that I just never worked through, just kind of ignored. And, yeah, it's not good to ignore things like that because they just stay with you and unless you do something about it, they'll just. It just keeps being there.

[Alex]

Was there a kind of low moment that forced your hand?

[Jordan]

I think, yeah. When I moved in with my. With my older sibling because I moved out of my mum's place and then moved into my sibling's place. And that was troubling in itself because we had a very odd family dynamic. But, yeah, it was just that kind of thought of, I'm just going from place to place and not really feeling like I belong anywhere. It's getting really deep. But, yeah, it's like I need to make a place for myself and I need to be someone for myself. So let's do that.

[Alex]

So you didn't necessarily have like that bigger issue with drinking drugs, so it's as much about this personal accountability?

[Jordan]

Yeah. Because. Well, it's just my opinion of it, but I feel like if you are abusing drugs or alcohol, you can abuse other things. Really. Things like dissociation and fantasy or unhealthy behaviors just stem from wanting to not be present.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

So I wasn't present in a lot of other ways, but it wasn't drugs and alcohol.

[Alex]

Did any of the steps be like. No, I don't like that step.

[Jordan]

Yeah, for sure, for sure.

[Alex]

Which ones?

[Jordan]

There's step four. What's wrong with step four? So step four is you make a moral inventory. So you kind of make a list of people you've harmed and how you've harmed them.

[Alex]

There's the idea that you make amends.

[Jordan]

Yeah, yeah. You get there eventually.

[Alex]

So you. What you say if you, I don't know, you stole some sweets from a shop?

[Jordan]

Well, I'm.

[Alex]

You have to go visit that shop and say, look, it was me.

[Jordan]

I'm really sorry, I don't think you need to go to that extent. But it's more like for me personally, there was someone who I. In school, I kind of joined in with bullying, so I reached out to her and I said, look, I'm sorry for that. That wasn't cool. And I know I hurt you, and I apologize for that. I don't want to show up like that anymore. So if you would like to be friends, I'd love to get in touch and. Yeah, just start again. She didn't want to be friends anymore. Well, anymore again. Which is fine. I understand. But, like, I went and said, like, I'm sorry for that.

[Alex]

How did it feel sending that message?

[Jordan]

Oh, it felt terrible because you're kind.

[Alex]

Of admitting that you did it. As in, it's not just like saying sorry. You're saying, well, look, you're holding your hand up.

[Jordan]

Yeah. It's like, oh, I was a mean person and I was probably someone really horrible to you. And it's just admitting that I hurt somebody else. Like, know that sucks because I don't think I personally kind of. I never want to hurt people, but I know my actions sometimes do.

[Alex]

What was going on with you at that time that made you that kind of person?

[Jordan]

Oh, I just didn't want to be seen. Just went along with the flow. And then the friendship group I was in, they were like, oh, this person's weird. Let's just make fun of them and pick on them. And I was like, okay, yeah, sure, let's do that. So, yeah, I don't think anything was wrong with them. Personally, I quite liked them. But, yeah, it was just the. I don't want to say something different to the majority, so I'll just go along.

[Alex]

And so were there other instances of this, of sending people messages? Did any of them go particularly well or badly?

[Jordan]

Most of them actually just got ignored. So I think only one person came back to me and said, oh, wow, thanks. Thanks for that. And, yeah, I hope you're okay. And then we kept in touch and. Yeah, still keep in touch every now and then. Yeah.

[Alex]

But how about you say you didn't like this step?

[Jordan]

I didn't like it, no.

[Alex]

But do you see the worth in it or did you not see the worth in it?

[Jordan]

I did see the worth in it.

[Alex]

But it was just painful.

[Jordan]

Yeah. Because it takes a long time, you know, because it's everything, not just people, but, like, structures and things. So it's like things you have resentments towards as well. And, yeah, I had a lot of resentments for everything, everyone. I resent this and this and this.

[Alex]

What were these structures?

[Jordan]

Oh, like school.

[Alex]

Oh, yeah.

[Jordan]

Like class systems. Anything really. Even, like, I resent this person for having a really nice fridge because I never got classic fridge resemble. Never bought a fridge. Just, you Know anyone who can buy a fridge for themselves? I resent you.

[Alex]

What kind of fridge do you get most resentful of?

[Jordan]

The big, like, double one. Like the double do ones with, like, ice or water?

[Alex]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Jordan]

Just a big fridge, you know, and.

[Alex]

It really gets you going.

[Jordan]

It. It kind of does. I'm like, damn, these people have a better life than me, you know? I really value fridges.

[Alex]

What structure makes you most angry? Apart from. Sorry, the fridge structure.

[Jordan]

Apart from the fridge. Oh, this is something to think about. But yeah, I'm just looking at that seal as well that's popping up.

[Alex]

Yeah, it's really popping up, isn't it?

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Alex]

This is the first seal sighting we've had on the podcast.

[Jordan]

Oh, wow.

[Alex]

So it's, you know, momentous occasion for everyone.

[Jordan]

Yeah. If only they could see what we see.

[Alex]

Can you describe what we can see with the seal?

[Jordan]

Well, the seal just keeps popping up in different places, but it's in the same kind of, I don't know, 20 meter vicinity. But it just pops up for a few seconds, then goes down and it's just its head.

[Alex]

What would you call that seal?

[Jordan]

Well, I've been on this beach for a couple hours and it was at noon that it popped by, so I'm gonna call it Noon.

[Alex]

That's a really nice name. Noon the seal. Yeah, it's a lovely name.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Alex]

What's the last thing you named other than Noon the seal?

[Jordan]

Oh, I don't know.

[Alex]

You must have named something.

[Jordan]

I named something, but all I can think about is the cat. But I named him a while ago.

[Alex]

Okay, what did you name the cat?

[Jordan]

The cat is called as Wong.

[Alex]

As Wong.

[Jordan]

As Wong? Yes. It's a Filipino word and it means like, monster or like goblin, as for short ass man. But his street name is Young Milk because he's a white cat.

[Alex]

Young Milk.

[Jordan]

I love that.

[Alex]

Is it your cat?

[Jordan]

It's my brother's cat.

[Alex]

Okay. But you named it.

[Jordan]

We named it collectively, yeah.

[Alex]

How's your relationship with your brother? We get on.

[Jordan]

Yeah, we get on now. It's tricky. It's tricky.

[Alex]

Why?

[Jordan]

We're half siblings. So we have different dads. Yeah. Dysfunctional family. All that jazz.

[Alex]

I'm also. I've got half siblings. I can. I sympathize with the half sibling camp.

[Jordan]

Yeah. But I didn't know they were half my. They were my half sibling.

[Alex]

Oh, okay.

[Jordan]

I just assumed they were my full siblings for a really long time.

[Alex]

Okay, how long were we talking?

[Jordan]

I never said anything until I was like, probably eight.

[Alex]

Okay.

[Jordan]

Seven or eight.

[Alex]

And so, yeah. At what point did she whip that one out?

[Jordan]

She didn't. It was my. My older brother kept telling me, like, we're not even real siblings. This is the whole time.

[Alex]

And what did he say to that?

[Jordan]

I would just cry. I'd be like, why would you say that? That's so mean. Like, I didn't understand like, what that meant. And then I just asked my mom and she was like, oh, yeah, you have different dads. And I was like, oh, what was this lie? This like she's just like casually, oh, yeah, you have different dads. And then I just accepted it was like, okay, sure.

[Alex]

And then I'm guessing later on down the line you had more questions. No.

[Jordan]

Like, no, I never really asked my mom any questions.

[Alex]

Really?

[Jordan]

Really? Yeah.

[Alex]

Even now?

[Jordan]

Even I don't really speak to my mum now. But yeah, I just accepted whatever answer she gave me. But she never. I never knew who might half sibling's dad was until I found him on Facebook. Okay. And I was like, oh, I think this is. This is the guy.

[Alex]

How did. Was it an easy find?

[Jordan]

I don't think it was an easy find. We have a big family. Like, my mum's from the Philippines, so she has a massive family and just friends with all of them on Facebook, even though I don't know half of them. And then there was like all these mutual friends. Friends. And then from what she told me, there were like certain people at the time who knew who my siblings dad was. I was like, I'm gonna look on them. I was like a proper, proper, like investigator stalker when I was like 10 on Facebook. Yeah. And then I found it.

[Alex]

And then you found him?

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Alex]

And then once you found him, what happened then?

[Jordan]

Nothing, I just found him. I found him and I was like, okay, that's nice. And then I let it go.

[Alex]

So you. That was. That was enough for you? You didn't have any questions?

[Jordan]

No, I don't have any questions. Yeah.

[Alex]

And you've not met this person?

[Jordan]

No, no, I haven't met them, but my. My older sibling has met them.

[Alex]

Oh, okay.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Alex]

So that's his real, real dad?

[Jordan]

Yeah, you met him last year.

[Alex]

How did that go?

[Jordan]

Yeah, he just said, surprisingly, they're alike, despite the fact that neither was really present in each other's lives. But there's that familiarity.

[Alex]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Jordan]

It's funny DNA stuff.

[Alex]

It is, isn't it? Oh, look, there's some swimmers swimming closest to noon.

[Jordan]

Yeah, I don't know.

[Alex]

You think noon's going to be Concerned.

[Jordan]

I don't know if noon is okay cuz it's just been popping up for a while.

[Alex]

I think they like to come and say hello seals, don't they? Maybe is that thing, um. What's your connection like with your father?

[Jordan]

Oh, no connection.

[Alex]

Oh, none.

[Jordan]

No, not anymore. No, I don't. He's not a very good man.

[Alex]

Okay.

[Jordan]

Yeah. He's not a good guy.

[Alex]

When you say that. Like what. What kind of thing we talking about? You don't mind me asking?

[Jordan]

Hmm. There a clue I'm about. I'm wondering whether or not this is a no question or if it's a yes question.

[Alex]

Is it just not being there? Is it the action?

[Jordan]

No. He was there for some time. He was just an abusive man.

[Alex]

Okay.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Yeah. And when did he not. When was he not part of your life?

[Jordan]

When I told my mom, so probably since I was 12. Yeah. Yeah.

[Alex]

And so now you don't also get on with your mum?

[Jordan]

No.

[Alex]

Right.

[Jordan]

For other reasons. Despite her beliefs. I don't blame her for what happened with my dad, but I do blame her for the things that happen afterwards.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

But, yeah.

[Alex]

And that. Is that reconcilable with that, do you think? I mean, do you want it to be?

[Jordan]

I don't really know. I've. I've. I've not lived very long. But I've lived for a long time without her. So I don't feel the need to have her in my life. There's. I don't feel like there's anything she can give me.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

She's just very wounded and I. I kind of. I'm not in a place where I can deal with that.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

So I'd rather not. She's holding on to a lot.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

And there's just kind of expecting someone else to fix it. It's not how it works though.

[Alex]

Did you find that like looking inward yourself made you more aware of some of her issues?

[Jordan]

Yeah, it made me aware that I was exactly like. I didn't like that.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

Yeah. I still see it sometimes. Like, oh, that was a very mum like reaction. But, you know, it's hard when you've been raised by people and they are in your DNA. It's like you kind of are like.

[Alex]

Can you think of your last mum like reaction?

[Jordan]

I was getting annoyed with a friend of mine actually because they were like quite clingy. Just like doing anything to get my attention.

[Alex]

When they try to see you on a day that wasn't Sunday.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Alex]

You're like, no, what are you doing? This was actually Today is the day I do my.

[Jordan]

It was on a Sunday. But yeah, they just kept going on and on and on and I just felt like I was getting annoyed at them and just wanted to dismiss everything and just like, ugh, leave me alone kind of thing. And I realized like, oh, that was a really mum reaction. Because when I was a kid and I would act like my friend was acting like being like really just happy and wanting to share all this stuff, my mom would just dismiss it and be like, oh, you're too much now, like go away. Or like, oh, I don't have time for this, like, just stop. And I could hear or I could just like feel myself wanting to do that. And I was like, wait, no, that's so mean. If I don't have the capacity to listen to this person, I'm just going to kindly let them know that it's a bit much for me right now. Let's just be silent for a little bit and then we can go back.

[Alex]

How quickly did you realize that like that was your mum reaction?

[Jordan]

Not very quickly. It took me a while in my annoyance and then my friend did ask me like, are you alright? Because I was just silent and I was like. I was like, you know what? I think I just had a mum reaction and then we talked about it. But yeah, yeah.

[Alex]

Do you feel like is any part of you needs any kind of that parental figure that isn't there?

[Jordan]

Yeah, I definitely need a parental figure, but I can't really expect other people or other things to be that for me. I kind of have to be that for myself.

[Alex]

That's it.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Other people may be that though at some point.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Alex]

It's a danger not to get too kind of pop psychology type here, but is it a danger that you choose a romantic partner based on like that space becomes a factor?

[Jordan]

I imagine that would be. But I have not chosen any romantic partner ever because of that fear, actually.

[Alex]

Oh, okay.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Alex]

When you say ever, do you mean people choose you or you just don't?

[Jordan]

Like. No, I don't. Ever. Yeah, I just don't entertain romance. Oh, this is so bad. Yeah, I mean, I'm working through it now.

[Alex]

I really don't entertain romance.

[Jordan]

I mean, as soon as someone kind of tells me they like me, I'm like, no, absolutely not. I'm so sorry, but no, I'm not ready. Yeah, but then I keep saying I'm not ready and I'm not ready and then I don't do anything about.

[Alex]

Yeah, so have you turned away People you actually like.

[Jordan]

Yeah, I've really liked a lot of people.

[Alex]

And what's that like to do that?

[Jordan]

I mean, it sucks because then the relationship's never the same. Yeah. We just end up not staying friends and just drifting and it's like, ah, damn.

[Alex]

I guess that's sometimes been really hard. Or you feel something. Surely then to then kind of actively push that away.

[Jordan]

Mm.

[Alex]

Must be quite, quite wrenching for you.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Or maybe not.

[Jordan]

I don't. I don't really know. I don't know if I'd see it that way. It's more like maybe I'm just continuing to punish myself by not allowing a romantic relationship. But for me, I'm like, I'm saving you the trouble of being in a relationship with me. I like, I'm saving you. Yeah. God, let me save you by not the kindness.

[Alex]

You don't want to be talking to this person.

[Jordan]

Yeah. But it's just that fear.

[Alex]

Do you envision the time? I mean, can you see a time when you're not scared of it?

[Jordan]

No. I don't think the fear is ever really going to go away. But I can do more with the fear than just let it be there. I'm always going to be scared of a relationship, really. But I think if I'm communicating that and at least just allowing other things to happen instead of fear, then what do you.

[Alex]

What are you mostly scared of, would you say?

[Jordan]

Probably abandonment. Just, like, once I really, like, give myself and I'm really, like, into the relationship and then they just leave. That would, like, break me completely. Yeah. I'm just afraid of being hurt and of just, like, being known by someone. Somebody and like, knowing someone else and not showing up for them. Because I've done that. I've, like, cared for people and then at a time they've needed me, I've just not been there for them. So it's that as well.

[Alex]

What's the fear about being known? Because, you know a lot of people, for them, that's the kind of pinnacle to be known. Or, like, that's kind of what love is in a way.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Or can be. But what's the fear for you?

[Jordan]

Just the vulnerability. Being vulnerable in front of someone else. Like someone knowing me that much is scary because. Yeah. I don't really know. Oh, the noon is really close. Oh, wow.

[Alex]

No, but, yeah, noon's coming right up.

[Jordan]

Yeah. Gosh, noon's going to be beached.

[Alex]

It almost looks like it's not real, you know, but obviously it is, you know, someone kind of like in a.

[Jordan]

A government machine.

[Alex]

It's the government.

[Jordan]

They've upgraded from pigeons.

[Alex]

Yeah, exactly.

[Jordan]

Seals now.

[Alex]

Oh, wow. There we go. Significant new enrollment.

[Jordan]

Where were we saying?

[Alex]

People knowing you.

[Jordan]

Oh, yeah. Fear of that. Why is that scary?

[Alex]

It's quite a leap between that and noon.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Alex]

The seal is blowing. Oh, there he is again. I say he. Why are we gendering the noon? As a man, who is the person you feel that know. I mean, have you. Have you encountered a person that you felt known by?

[Jordan]

Yeah, there's one person. I met them quite recently, but we. We speak a lot.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

And he's like. He's kind of become my mentor in some way.

[Alex]

Okay.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Alex]

When you say mentor, like, why do you say mentor? I mean, does that mean it's like a friendship or, like.

[Jordan]

Yeah, it is a friendship. But I definitely come to him with a lot of my emotional problems, and he has a lot of experience, and he's a psychologist, so he just tells me my brain and I'm like, wow, thank you.

[Alex]

What is this person illuminated for you?

[Jordan]

He kind of illuminated my lack of self worth. Yeah. He kind of just pointed out that I have a punishing view of myself often.

[Alex]

So this is via the 12 steps?

[Jordan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Alex]

Do you get given a mentor? Is that how it works?

[Jordan]

No, you kind of just pick someone.

[Alex]

Which one of you is a psychologist? Any psychologist. I'll have you. Thanks.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Is there anyone in your life that you. You would, you know, if they did walk past here, they said, you know, proposition. Do you. In a kind of romantic way? Are there anyone that you would. You would consider. Do you have people floating around?

[Jordan]

No, I don't have anyone floating around. Yeah. It's because I don't put myself out there. You know, I have, like. I have been asked by people. It's fine. I've had many a musician.

[Alex]

Musicians.

[Jordan]

Yeah. And then. But they're all emotionally unavailable. I tried to keep in contact with a few of them, but they're just all over the place and it doesn't really work out.

[Alex]

Why do you film musicians as a other? Or they come to you. What is that?

[Jordan]

I look pretty cool. I think that's fine. I'm not gonna lie. I look cool. Yeah.

[Alex]

Actually, this is quite fun. Can you kind of vaguely describe your general appearance?

[Jordan]

Vaguely describe. All right. I'm quite ambiguous with my Asian ness. Don't think you know which Asian I am, but I am one of them. But I'm also mixed, so it's like, oh, what flavor? You guess. British. It's Not. Yeah, I've got classic facial piercings. Goodness.

[Alex]

What's the thinking?

[Jordan]

What's the thinking? I mean I just got them because I used to have such judgment towards people with facial piercings.

[Alex]

Oh really?

[Jordan]

Yeah, when I was younger. But this is something I picked up from my parents. They were like, oh, they're punks or like, oh, they're dirty for having facial piercings. And then yeah. Part of me just kind of thought actually, why don't I just get one?

[Alex]

Is it an act of rebellion a little bit then?

[Jordan]

A little bit, yeah. Or just like to test myself, like why, why do I have this opinion? And it's like it's not really anything.

[Alex]

What was the first one?

[Jordan]

My first one was my septum piercing and then I got my lip piercing but I had to take it out because I was going to an interview and then it healed. But I did get the job.

[Alex]

Oh, there you go.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Alex]

What are you like at jobs?

[Jordan]

Well my, like at jobs. I've had loads of jobs. I got my first job when I was 12.

[Alex]

Really? What was that?

[Jordan]

Yeah, I used to do the paper rounds in my town, my tiny town.

[Alex]

Any great moments from that? The abiding memory.

[Jordan]

Well, I had four paper rounds.

[Alex]

Oh wow. That's quite a lot to memorize.

[Jordan]

Yeah. But then on Christmas I would get money from every, like most people anyway would give me money so it was like £10 or like £5. Random people I'd get, I'd get bank on Christmas.

[Alex]

Yeah. Oh really?

[Jordan]

Because I did four. So let's say one paper round got me like £60 times.

[Alex]

Woah.

[Jordan]

Yahoo. You know, 12, 13. Yeah. And then I'd also get like a box of chocolates from the post office, like celebrations for each paper round. So they'd give me four.

[Alex]

Wow.

[Jordan]

But then after like after the first year they were like, we're not giving you four.

[Alex]

We realized we made a clerical error.

[Jordan]

Does that sound.

[Alex]

So that started your being good at jobs?

[Jordan]

Yeah, I guess.

[Alex]

And then what does it take to be good at a job? Do you say?

[Jordan]

You just have to be an immense people pleaser. You got to be good at working in a team. It's your job and involves a team. I've only mainly worked in like customer service kind of jobs. So you have to have that like oh yes, I'll do absolutely anything for you. And like oh yes, you're right. You're absolutely right. I'll get right to that. And that. Yes. Let me check in the back. It's not in the back. Or like hold on one minute. Let me fix this machine that I've never seen before. Yeah, you just have to be really nice. Usually if you're nice, people just let it go. Or they forget their anger for a bit and they're like, why am I angry at this nice person?

[Alex]

Yeah, it's very. It's good tip for just life in general.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Alex]

I might just start saying, let me check in the back. I have a difficult conversation. Look, let me just check at the back. Yeah, I'll get back to you once I've checked in the back. If he didn't have to work, imagine I just gave you all the money you needed for the rest of your life. Here it is in a box.

[Jordan]

Yeah, Noon popped out for that. Yeah, that's a great question.

[Alex]

Someone said money back.

[Jordan]

Yeah. Someone said, set up for life.

[Alex]

Here he comes. Yeah. So if I have the money back, how is your life different, you know, after that moment?

[Jordan]

I've thought about this question many times.

[Alex]

Have you?

[Jordan]

Yeah, I've actually been asked this.

[Alex]

People just come up to you, like, hang on. If you.

[Jordan]

Yeah, they see me, they're like, you clearly hate what you're doing with your life. So if you had everything, what would you do?

[Alex]

So what's your answer?

[Jordan]

What is my answer? I would go somewhere and grow my own food, have a little farm, have some chickens, try and be sustainable, try and live off the land for as long as I can. I really want to build my own house one day that looks fun. Like out of clay and hay. Clay and hay, Classic old house. And it doesn't have to work, but I just like to build like, like the opportunity to grow stuff. Oh, there was this book I was reading called Braiding Sweetgrass. It was a really good book. It's about like indigenous living in America before and the three crops that would grow really well together. I think it was corn, beans and like pumpkins or squash. The corn are the stalks and then the beans would grow up along the corn and then the pumpkins or the squash would just keep the pests from getting up into all these things. And then the pests wouldn't really eat the pumpkin because. Because of all the leaves and everything. And I thought this is how agriculture is supposed to be. I guess you work with the plants rather than spray, spray, spray.

[Alex]

I said, you want your own spot. That's the dream. Rather than to work on.

[Jordan]

I wouldn't mind having a community space, like a community living, tribal mind living kind of thing. You live in a community and you all grow and you all have animals and you just take care of each other's things and you take care of each other and you work together. Like. I don't think I could do it alone. I'm sure my ideas are probably for a more warm climate than the uk.

[Alex]

Yeah. I hope it happens.

[Jordan]

Well, thank you.

[Alex]

Would you like a light question or a heavy question? If heavy is 10, light is 1. What are you feeling?

[Jordan]

Like an 8?

[Alex]

8. What unexpected thing would you like to happen at your funeral?

[Jordan]

I never thought about my funeral. I don't know. I always have this funny idea that. I don't know if this is unexpected, but I want to bury my bones or, like, have my bones buried. Sorry.

[Alex]

Bury your own bones. It's going to be complicated.

[Jordan]

Have my bones buried in some random place and, like, draw a treasure map.

[Alex]

Oh, that's fun.

[Jordan]

And have, like. If I was a rich woman and had a will, a substantial will with, like, a big inheritance, I'd have my lineage go on some kind of treasure hunt to find the biggest bone. And whoever gets the biggest one gets all my stuff.

[Alex]

That's quite fun.

[Jordan]

Yeah. So unconventional thing that would happen at my funeral. I guess someone would announce the treasure hunt and.

[Alex]

Yeah, I back it. It's good to make. Make relatives dance, you know, Especially if they're that concerned for the money, they should have to work for it.

[Jordan]

Yeah. Yeah. Want some kind of treasure hunt? I guess.

[Alex]

Are there any traditions that you started that you really like? The Okina?

[Jordan]

Well, I don't think I have any tradition.

[Alex]

Oh, no, I totally. I think they're a great idea, traditions. I really. I really back them. It's nice to have things to return.

[Jordan]

To, like little rituals.

[Alex]

Yes.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Maybe you can start a tradition tomorrow.

[Jordan]

Maybe I can.

[Alex]

Do you think about what it might be?

[Jordan]

I'm thinking now I think I might have a tradition.

[Alex]

Oh, what's come.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Alex]

What is it now then?

[Jordan]

I think at least twice a year I'll. I'll go to some sort of live concert music orchestra thing.

[Alex]

You say music orchestra thing. Like, is that a famous band?

[Jordan]

I think it's more like an orchestra.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Which bit of the orchestra would you be in if you could?

[Jordan]

Oh, probably someone who's on the little, like, chimes or like a little bell or a triangle. Just think, that's quite fun. I like bells. Any kind of bells. As soon as I hear bells and any kind of music, I'm like, yes.

[Alex]

Oh, I swearing the hell out of them.

[Jordan]

I've got a bell on my keyring.

[Alex]

Really?

[Jordan]

How much I Like bells. Oh, my God, yeah.

[Alex]

Can you.

[Jordan]

Oh, I got a lot of things.

[Alex]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, there it is.

[Jordan]

A bell.

[Alex]

It's quite veggie.

[Jordan]

Yeah, It's a Chinese bell.

[Alex]

Lovely.

[Jordan]

Yep, that's my bell.

[Alex]

Does that mean people hear you coming?

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Alex]

How do you see coming people?

[Jordan]

I don't. I used to have so many, like, rattly things on me.

[C]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Rattly person.

[Jordan]

That's why I got so much stuff on my keys, just because it rattles.

[Alex]

I really like that. I remember now, actually. My mum, she was a big key rattler. You know, there's people that rattle quite a long way out, you know, like most people get to the door and like, door in, you know, she was like a real pre rattler. Like, it would be almost like coming into the block of flats where we lived. Like, I would hear her rattling around.

[Jordan]

Your announcement of like, I'm on my.

[Alex]

Way, I'm here, I'm coming, I'm coming. I'm not far away.

[Jordan]

Whatever you're doing, if it's bad, stop it now, I'm coming in.

[Alex]

Stop it now. Stop it now.

[Jordan]

Is it pre warning? You know it is.

[Alex]

Is that why you have yours? You just warning people or you're announcing your presence?

[Jordan]

Yeah, I think I'm announcing my presence rather than warning. I used to have like. Like bells on my bags.

[Alex]

Oh, really?

[Jordan]

Yeah, I just like to jingle. Really? Yeah. I've also got a pocket full of rings, just so it jangles.

[Alex]

Pocket full of rings?

[Jordan]

Yeah, so I can just.

[Alex]

Oh, that's fun. How many rings you got?

[Jordan]

Oh, I got quite a few. Yeah. They're just in my pocket at all times. Yeah.

[Alex]

So it's the first person I think I've ever spoken to who's like in multiple jangly effects on their person.

[Jordan]

Amazing.

[Alex]

Is there anything you'd like to ask yourself if you have anything that springs to mind?

[Jordan]

Do I have anything? Well, I'm holding a book. I was reading this book when he came up to me.

[Alex]

Morning Star.

[Jordan]

Yeah. My question is about the book. Am I enjoying this book? I am enjoying this book. It is breaking my heart. It broke my heart two books ago. I'm still reading it.

[Alex]

Hang on a second. It broke your heart two books ago?

[Jordan]

Yes.

[Alex]

Oh, there's a series. Sorry. Got it now. Sorry. I was really. That was.

[Jordan]

Yeah, it's a really good book.

[Alex]

That was my slow moment there.

[Jordan]

I recommend.

[Alex]

And that's the third.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Why is it good?

[Jordan]

I guess so many bad things happen in the book. Yeah.

[Alex]

And that's.

[Jordan]

And then they just Keep going on.

[Alex]

It's like that I did the bad things or the people.

[Jordan]

The people, they just keep struggling on. It's that idea of, like, bad things happen, but people still carry on and they find other ways and still do what they need to do even though things go bad. It's like, whoa, okay.

[Alex]

Are you like that?

[Jordan]

No. I kind of give up pretty easily. But it's inspiring, I suppose, to be like, oh, I guess I should try it harder. Yeah.

[Alex]

What does reading mean to you?

[Jordan]

Oh, it used to be my escapism. It kind of still is, but it used to be my mega, mega escapism. Like I need to be in another world right now. This is a good, good shout now, though. It's just. Yeah, I enjoy. I feel that you get a lot of emotions from reading. Reading books. Yeah. It's nice to just feel all these things sometimes.

[Alex]

Do you have places where you normally read?

[Jordan]

Oh, no. Yeah, I usually read on the beach. Otherwise I'll read at home. There's like a plant corner in my living room where all the plants are at the moment. And there's like a little chair there and it's like, oh, yes. I'll just read it over here.

[Alex]

Are you a good plant person?

[Jordan]

I never used to be. I was actually very bad. I killed every plant I had. I killed my housemates plants. And I was so liberally. I didn't mean to. I just didn't know how to take care of plants. I felt really bad about that. But then after that, I was like, you know what? I'm gonna get some plants so I can learn how to take care of some plants. And then I did, and now I just have loads of plants.

[Alex]

And now you figured it out. What is the secret?

[Jordan]

What is the secret to plants? No. Don't water them too much. Don't water them too little. They'll really. They'll tell you when they need water for sure. Or when they need things. They'll definitely show you. Maybe dust them a few times, move them around. Do you talk to them a little bit, I guess.

[Alex]

Oh, yeah, There was a little delay there. Satellite delay where you thought about whether you talk to them or not?

[Jordan]

I sing to them or like I'll be singing while doing things.

[Alex]

What's your singing voice like?

[Jordan]

I sing. No, no. That's a no.

[Alex]

What do you sing to them?

[Jordan]

I. I sing fandom. The opera. Opera to them quite a lot.

[Alex]

It helps them.

[Jordan]

It helps me. So as long as I'm helping you.

[Alex]

Then it helps them.

[Jordan]

Yeah. Energy and all that.

[Alex]

So it Kind of does work.

[Jordan]

I give them good vibes.

[Alex]

What passages in particular do you go for?

[Jordan]

What songs? Oh, there's one that takes place in the graveyard. Yeah. It's like wishing you were somehow here again. That's quite. It's quite sad, but I'm like, I'll sing it with all my heart to my plants. Yeah.

[Alex]

Are you concerned with achieving things, whatever that means?

[Jordan]

No. I used to never really have any ambition.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

And now I'm kind of thinking it's not so bad to be ambitious about stuff, but I don't really know what to be ambitious for.

[Alex]

That's interesting. I quite like that as a progression of. You know, you start off going, okay, it's not so bad to have ambitions. And then. But they'll come as they come.

[Jordan]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Alex]

And you see what they are.

[Jordan]

I think I need more life. And then I'll find some ambition.

[Alex]

There's a guy. Quite a lot of old men kicking around.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Where are the old ladies?

[Jordan]

Oh, I don't know. Maybe they're at the sewing club. There's a sewing club down the road.

[Alex]

Oh, there.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Did you give a go?

[Jordan]

I almost joined.

[Alex]

Almost.

[Jordan]

Almost like.

[Alex]

You came. You peeped around the corner?

[Jordan]

Yeah, I peeped in. And I was like, oh. And then I was like, oh, no, I'll just go somewhere else. I'll sew on my own. At home. I have a sewing machine. I just can't be bothered to use it. Halfway time.

[Alex]

Oh, it's cool. You know how to do.

[Jordan]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Alex]

That's the stuff you know how to do.

[Jordan]

Yeah. I'm very creative. I make things out of clay as well.

[Alex]

What kind of things?

[Jordan]

Anything. I just did a workshop recently for bells, actually. Clay bells.

[Alex]

Of course. Of course.

[Jordan]

Yep. And they're drying and gonna be fired soon. And I'll get them.

[Alex]

And you have your own bells?

[Jordan]

Yeah. Make my own bells.

[Alex]

I'm so excited for your bells.

[Jordan]

Yeah. Thank you.

[Alex]

I'd say just you ring them out. Maybe that's a tradition. Like every Monday morning, you just ring all your bells out the window.

[Jordan]

Someone might complain.

[Alex]

People come from bars around. It could be nice.

[Jordan]

Oh, my gosh. I used to do bell ringing.

[Alex]

I used to do that boy in the church.

[Jordan]

Yeah? Yeah.

[Alex]

Oh, you left that late?

[Jordan]

Yeah. I just remember.

[Alex]

Why didn't I ask that as well?

[Jordan]

Oh, yeah.

[Alex]

Is it one belly? Is it like you're all around and you have one. Are you.

[Jordan]

So there's the church bell that we would ring, and there's actual, like, handheld bells, and we'd have to follow music sheets.

[Alex]

How many bells would you be?

[Jordan]

2. I only had two.

[Alex]

Who had the main one?

[Jordan]

Not me. Someone else.

[Alex]

Why'd they never give you the main bell?

[Jordan]

I was always too eager. I was. I actually have no rhythm or like.

[Alex]

How do you manage that?

[Jordan]

I don't know.

[Alex]

But you. But you can ring bells.

[Jordan]

Yeah. I was. I was so into it, though. Yeah.

[Alex]

I was surprised they managed to get you off them.

[Jordan]

Yeah. Gosh, I remember seeing how they'd packed the bells and where they'd put the box, and I was like, I could take that. But I was like, I should have taken it. I should have, but. Would have been criminal at such a young age.

[Alex]

That would be another one of your apologies. You need to.

[Jordan]

Oh, yeah.

[Alex]

I'm sorry for taking all your bells.

[Jordan]

I don't think you'll meet anyone else who's quite as interested. Interested in bells?

[Alex]

I don't think I will. Well, thank you so much for talking to me. There's a. There's one more question. Which is. It's the same question I asked everyone at the end. Although we don't have to end it like that. Maybe the bells can ring us out. That'd be nice.

[Jordan]

Yeah.

[Alex]

You can answer the question then. Maybe after you've answered the question, you just ring the bells. Should we do that?

[Jordan]

Yeah, sure.

[Alex]

Do you want to get them ready?

[Jordan]

Should I? All right. Bell in hand.

[Alex]

Okay. What are you going to do next?

[Jordan]

What am I gonna do next?

[Alex]

Good old melody there. That's a nice melody. What am I gonna do next?

[Jordan]

What am I gonna do next?

[Alex]

What am I gonna do next?

[Jordan]

I'm quite musical when I want to be.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Jordan]

What am I gonna do next?

[Alex]

That was also said quite musically. You're now, like, talking in melodies.

[Jordan]

Yeah, well, we all do.

[Alex]

This is true.

[Jordan]

Well, I can only think about what I'm gonna do next. Like presently.

[Alex]

That's fine.

[Jordan]

Yeah. I'm probably gonna finish this chapter in my book. Maybe go for another walk and then go home and water my plants. Feed the cat. Maybe read some more. Maybe not. Maybe I'll watch something. Yeah. Catch up with a few people. Even though it's not Sunday. And then. Yeah, that's it. That's it.

[C]

Oh, no. When I catch sight of you I say don't go Please stay a while or two oh, no, no need to say what I heard you like the sound the saw that you and spending time with friends who like it too oh, no On a Sunday morning Somewhere down the line let's meet at the market if you have the time we'll listen to some music Read books upon the p say bye to a Sunday I repeat it each week oh, no why does it have to be so hard? I want to let you in but where do we start? Oh, no there's nothing left to do but build a home Live off the land Bury our bones here in the sand the only one you get My plan is you oh, no oh, no.

[Jordan]

It.