Strangers on a Bench – Episode 43: The Definition of a Mystery

Released on July 7, 2025

In Episode 43 of Strangers on a Bench, host Tom Rosenthal engages in a heartfelt and revealing conversation with James, an aspiring father and professional chef navigating the complexities of impending parenthood, career challenges, and personal growth. This episode delves deep into James's life, uncovering his thoughts, fears, and aspirations as he stands on the brink of a significant life transition.

1. Embracing the Upcoming Arrival of "Bambino"

The conversation begins with James sharing his excitement and apprehensions about his first child, affectionately named "Bambino." Discussing his ideal Tuesday—which he identifies as the perfect day amidst a typically busy week—James emphasizes the importance of finding calm and meaningful moments amidst chaos.

James [00:57]: "I work kind of irregular hours, so I wake up slowly... I just like to find moments in my week where I can just... be in a pleasant way."

As the discussion progresses, James reveals the couple's decision to discover the baby's gender, a topic that sparked extensive conversation between him and his girlfriend. The act of knowing the gender heightened their emotional connection to their unborn child.

James [03:06]: "And I think we're a bit worried that we might get attached to the idea that it was one thing and then it would be the other, and then there'd be like a moment of slight disappointment."

Despite initial concerns, James expresses how learning the baby's gender strengthened his bond with Bambino.

James [03:39]: "And actually it was nice when we found out because we felt maybe a little bit more connected to our child already."

2. Navigating Parenthood and Societal Expectations

James opens up about the societal pressures and preconceived notions surrounding fatherhood. He reflects on how modern fatherhood has evolved, contrasting it with traditional expectations.

James [11:59]: "But I think people are quite negative about parenthood a lot of the time. It's almost... That's become like a kind of trend."

Addressing concerns about materialism and unrealistic expectations, James advocates for a more simplified approach to parenting, emphasizing the essentials over societal demands.

James [11:29]: "I think actually for the first few years, money isn't that much consideration... all the stuff that people buy, you can buy in the first few years is complete bollocks."

3. Career Insights: The Life of a Chef

Transitioning to his professional life, James discusses his journey as a chef. He recounts his passion for cooking, the challenges of working in a high-pressure kitchen environment, and the frustrations that come with creative differences.

James [22:22]: "The intensity and the focus was something that helped me get out of myself... satisfying... you're being constantly evaluated."

James shares a specific incident where a colleague criticized his preparation of a simple salad, highlighting the importance of communication and mutual respect in the workplace.

James [25:32]: "Everyone's got a different idea of how something should be done. And that's... that's something that could be an issue in kitchens if someone doesn't communicate properly."

Despite the daily stresses, James finds joy in the camaraderie of his kitchen team, cherishing moments of laughter and teamwork.

James [24:22]: "What comes to mind is more just times I just had so much fun with the people I was working with."

4. Reflections on Past Musical Endeavors

James reminisces about his earlier days in the music scene, sharing stories of band breakups and the emotional toll of rejection. These experiences, though painful, contributed to his personal growth and resilience.

James [27:56]: "There was another band I went to audition with and they didn't go with me. But I just took it so badly at the time and I still remember that."

He also touches upon his involvement in a band that fell apart after a record contract was secured by a bandmate, leaving him feeling sidelined.

James [28:29]: "And it was going quite well. And then he got record contract, but he didn't take the band with him, so we got kind of shafted."

5. Personal Memories and Anecdotes

Throughout the episode, James shares vivid memories that offer a glimpse into his childhood and personal experiences. From feeding koi carp in a family home pond to playful adventures in Morocco, these stories highlight his intrinsic love for simple, joyful moments.

James [38:54]: "The earliest memory that I can remember in a lot of detail was going to look at a new house when I was about three... I can almost see that the orange and white fish kind of swimming past."

James also recounts a nostalgic incident involving his first crush and the regret of turning down a budding relationship, illustrating his journey towards emotional maturity.

James [36:46]: "I just said no. Like, even though really what... And then probably for the next, like, two, three Years. I kind of... went to bed going, what did I do?"

6. Coping with Emotions and Looking Forward

Addressing emotional well-being, James discusses the importance of expressing anger healthily and the challenges of suppressing emotions in high-stress environments.

James [25:04]: "Expressing anger is important, and I think that anger shouldn't be judged maybe as much as it sometimes is."

Looking ahead, James speaks about his anticipation of parenthood as a transformative experience that will shift his focus from self-centric concerns to nurturing his new family.

James [13:56]: "I'm excited about having my own family... it's the definition of a mystery. You have no idea what's going to happen."

7. Final Reflections and Future Plans

As the conversation winds down, James reflects on a significant moment with his partner that solidified their connection, illustrating the profound love and commitment they share.

James [43:58]: "I think I'm gonna say with my partner now... the moment that it became really obvious that we had a really profound connection."

Looking to the future, James shares his immediate plans post-interview, balancing personal responsibilities with professional commitments.

James [45:22]: "I'm gonna go back and I'm gonna talk to my girlfriend about how her midwife appointment went, and then I'm gonna have some lunch and eventually I'm gonna get prepared for big days of work over the next few days."

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• James [00:57]: "I just like to find moments in my week where I can just... be in a pleasant way."
• James [03:06]: "And I think we're a bit worried that we might get attached to the idea that it was one thing and then it would be the other..."
• James [11:29]: "I think actually for the first few years, money isn't that much consideration..."
• James [22:22]: "The intensity and the focus was something that helped me get out of myself..."
• James [25:04]: "Expressing anger is important..."
• James [27:56]: "There was another band I went to audition with and they didn't go with me..."
• James [38:54]: "The earliest memory that I can remember in a lot of detail..."
• James [43:58]: "I think I'm gonna say with my partner now... the moment that it became really obvious..."
• James [45:22]: "I'm gonna go back and I'm gonna talk to my girlfriend about how her midwife appointment went..."

Conclusion

In this episode of Strangers on a Bench, Tom Rosenthal provides a safe and intimate space for James to reflect on his life’s pivotal moments. From the joys and fears of impending fatherhood to the relentless demands of a culinary career and the lingering echoes of past musical endeavors, James's story encapsulates the essence of navigating life's mysteries. Through honest dialogue and heartfelt revelations, listeners gain a profound understanding of the human experience, resilience, and the ever-evolving journey of self-discovery.