Strangers on a Bench - Episode 5: Michael's Tree
Hosted by Tom Rosenthal
Introduction
In Episode 5 of "Strangers on a Bench," host Tom Rosenthal sits down with John, a retired individual who shares a poignant and intimate glimpse into his life. Through their conversation on a quiet London park bench, John reveals his journey from Glasgow to London, his struggles with family dynamics, the profound impact of losing his father and partner, and his path to self-discovery and healing.
Early Life in Glasgow
John begins by reminiscing about his childhood in Glasgow, painting a picture of a vibrant yet industrial city. He fondly recalls the street games and the colorful trams that served as a backdrop to his youth.
“Glasgow was a big dirty industrial city. I have romantic ideas about it. I mean it was a good life. I was always happy as a child.” [22:30]
Despite the challenges of growing up in a tenement house, John expresses gratitude for his upbringing, noting that his father provided a stable environment compared to some of his peers.
Moving to London and Building a Life
Driven by employment opportunities, John recounts his decision to move to London at the age of 23. Joining the civil service marked a significant turning point, allowing him to escape a contentious family environment and forge his own path.
“I was very excited. Nothing was going to stop me, you know, just to get away from home.” [04:32]
In London, John found a sense of community within the LGBTQ+ scene, frequenting The Black Carp—a gay pub that became a cornerstone of his social life. The bustling Fridays at The Black Carp, complete with drag acts, provided John with a space to meet new friends and embrace his identity during a time when being gay was illegal and stigmatized.
Family Dynamics
John's relationship with his family is complex and deeply intertwined with his personal growth. He shares the struggles with his possessive mother, who disapproved of his move to London and his sexual orientation.
“I did tell my mother once that I was gay or homosexual. She didn't want to talk about it. Her answer was, I wish your father was here. He would know what to do.” [07:15]
The arrival of Auntie Mary, a close friend of his mother, introduced another layer of tension. Mary's presence in the family home and the subsequent fallout between her and John's mother highlight the challenges John faced in balancing familial obligations and his quest for independence.
“Auntie Mary moved into our tenement flat in Glasgow and they slept in the same bed. You didn't think anything like that. And these days, as you get older, you realize.” [08:16]
Love and Loss: Michael's Story
A significant portion of the episode delves into John’s relationship with his partner, Michael. Their 25-year partnership culminated in tragedy when Michael succumbed to HIV/AIDS, a diagnosis that was a death sentence during the height of the epidemic.
“He was a lovely guy, very popular... his ashes in [the oak tree]. So it's a nice view.” [12:20]
The oak tree in Regent's Park serves as a living memorial to Michael, symbolizing enduring love and remembrance. John describes the emotional turmoil of Michael's illness and the societal stigma surrounding HIV/AIDS at the time.
“Initially, it was dreadful. It was such a frightening thing because nobody knew where they blamed gay people for it.” [12:58]
Michael's death had a profound impact on John, leading him to plant his ashes under the tree—a place that now holds deep personal significance.
“His ashes are under my tree. So that's why I sit here occasionally.” [10:42]
Reflections and Wisdom
Throughout the conversation, John reflects on his life's lessons and offers heartfelt advice. He emphasizes the importance of relationships, honesty, trust, and the pursuit of personal passions.
“Just. I would emphasize the importance of relationships and being honest. As honest as you can.” [24:36]
John also shares his regrets about not learning another language or a musical instrument, expressing a desire to pursue these interests later in life.
“It's one of my regrets that I never learned another language properly and I didn't learn to play a musical instrument. That's what I regret. It's not too late now.” [25:37]
His journey of overcoming addiction further underscores his resilience and commitment to personal well-being.
“I used to have it with vodka and coke or vodka and water... after I stopped, I discovered it was, you know, I feel better without it.” [23:34]
Conclusion
John's narrative is a testament to resilience, love, and the human spirit's capacity to overcome adversity. From his early days in Glasgow to his life in London and the loss of his beloved Michael, John’s story is rich with emotion and wisdom. Through planting Michael's tree, John has created a lasting tribute that not only honors his partner's memory but also serves as a beacon of hope and continuity in the ever-changing landscape of life.
“I hope you get some. You know, other people.” [27:49]
As the episode closes, listeners are left with a profound appreciation for the connections we forge and the legacies we leave behind.
Notable Quotes:
- "Friday was always nice to look forward to, you know, then you were free for a couple of days at least." – John [00:50]
- "I did like that, yes. And I had two brothers and a sister." – John [04:38]
- "He was a very good man. He said to me, you should go to sea." – John [15:05]
- "It's difficult to see. It's like a bit when I, long before I even met Michael, when I was young and I realized I was gay in Glasgow..." – John [12:18]
Closing Thoughts
"Strangers on a Bench" continues to explore the depths of human experience through candid conversations with individuals from all walks of life. Episode 5, "Michael's Tree," offers a moving exploration of love, loss, and the enduring bonds that shape our identities.