Strangers on a Bench – Episode 50: "The Best Man There Ever Was"

Host: Tom Rosenthal
Date: August 25, 2025

Episode Overview

In this special 50th episode of Strangers on a Bench, Tom Rosenthal continues his journey through London’s parks, striking up spontaneous, open-hearted conversations with anonymous strangers sharing a bench. Today’s episode features a deeply reflective, engaging encounter with a man whose life journey takes us from The Gambia to Bristol, from kitchens to calisthenics parks, from masculine ideals to the longing for artistic freedom. Their conversation, filled with humor, candor, and astute observations, centers around identity, belonging, growth, creativity, and the ever-elusive “perfect day.”

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Opening and The Nature of Openness

• Tom breaks the ice with his usual gentle approach, asking about favorite days of the week and quickly establishing trust and a playful tone.
• The guest expresses reservations about asking intimate questions within his family—especially about his birth. (00:31–01:37)

  B: "It feels a little bit intimate as well...I've never had the urge to inquire about my birth in particular."

2. Migration, Identity, and “Home”

• The guest is originally from The Gambia but moved to Bristol at age nine after periods of living apart from his mother and siblings, who had already emigrated.
  (02:33–04:36)
• Considers The Gambia a “motherland” to visit someday, but sees Bristol as home:

  B: “It’s not a place I perceive as my home...I consider Bristol to be my home. I’ve been here most of my life.” (03:06)

3. Accepting Life’s Mysteries and Being Present

• Not especially curious about reasons behind family migrations or life’s big questions, the guest is content to accept events as they come.
• Candidly describes his “average Thursday,” blending humor about “debauchery” with calm, ordinary routines. (05:23–07:13)

4. Routines, Self-Improvement, and Physicality

• Details a morning ritual of side-sleeping, “talking to himself” in the shower as a form of self-encouragement, and a shift to a healthier diet.
• Honest about former “sugary” habits and recent changes prompted by self-reflection and observing others:

  B: “I realized that I consume a lot more sugar than most people...now I’ve gotten it down to one sugar.” (08:03–08:15)

• Loves the discipline and community at an outdoor calisthenics gym, noting the pros and cons of social interactions there—including quirky conspiracy theorists. (09:03–17:44)

5. Body Image, Societal Perceptions, and Compliments

• Discusses the benefits of physical strength in work and daily life and how it affects social perceptions:

  B: "The world responds positively when you're big and strong.” (12:12)

• Talks openly about steering clear of vanity and “addiction” to self-improvement:

  B: “You don't want to focus heavily on this one endeavor where it eventually just taints your perception of the world...got to check myself.” (13:33)

6. Work, Creativity, and the Many Sides of Being a Chef

• Balances a physically demanding job as a chef with his fitness—and laments how chefs rarely cook “reasonable” meals for themselves. (20:02–20:13)
• Shares the camaraderie and sometimes chaos found in kitchens, with vivid stories of both teamwork and the lowest points (notably, a stressful shift with a volatile sous chef).

  B: “You constantly, in every kitchen, be chasing the perfect, great kitchen that you were in previously.” (22:30)

7. Passions Beyond Work: Art, Acting, Dancing

• Yearns to pursue art (especially driftwood sculpture), acting, and dance professionally, but struggles with the practicality of abandoning stable chef work.

  B: “I desire stability in my life. It scares me to give that up for certain uncertain endeavors.” (46:08)

• Tom offers thoughtful, encouraging advice on giving passions a fair try:

  A: “You can always return [to stability]...I think at a certain point of youth, you get a few free shots.” (46:14–47:15)

8. Masculinity, Friendship, and “The Best Man”

• The guest articulates the social pressure to be “the best man there ever was,” admiring the rare, uncompetitive male friendships that allow for vulnerability and authentic connection.

  B: “I guess expectation to be the best man there ever was, like, that's always a thing.” (28:09)
  A: “I think you just totally smashed that—the expectations of the best man that ever was.” (28:29)

• Favorite men? Two close friends, celebrated for their lack of competitiveness and genuine goodwill.

9. Romance, Trust Issues, and the Storage Room of Love

• Transparently shares that romance is “on pause” while striving for financial freedom and personal growth:

  B: “I've put romance on pause…in the deep dark corners of the cave, chained away.” (30:19–30:25)

• Has never felt true “in love,” possibly due to trust issues and self-protective instincts.

  B: “Maybe I just don’t trust people enough to reach that state.” (35:24–36:15)

10. Humor & Memorable Moments

• A riotous tale of boiling (read: exploding) eggs in a microwave, proving that even experienced chefs aren’t immune to kitchen disaster. (48:31–51:26)

  B: “Turns out if you put whole eggs in a pot of water and stick them in the microwave, you cause...Expl.” (50:55)

• Playful back-and-forth about bad picnics, council taxes, and tree-climbing adds levity throughout.

Notable Quotes & Moments with Timestamps

• On belonging:

  “I get a sense of like a motherland that I will eventually return to...but I consider Bristol to be my home.” (03:06)

• On body and compliments:

  “That's probably the best compliment I've ever received, actually.” (12:53)

• On masculinity:

  “Expectation to be the best man there ever was…that’s always a thing.” (28:09)

• On adult friendship:

  “It’s so nice…they’re just really good people and it’s shockingly hard to find, actually.” (29:39–29:58)

• On romance and trust:

  “Maybe I just don’t trust people enough to hold a state like that.” (35:24–36:15)

• On creative risk:

  A: “You can always go back to stability...you build up enough money to give yourself a shot at something…” (46:22–47:15)

• On mistakes in the kitchen:

  “I blew up a microwave. Being open, honest about your egg catastrophe.” (51:26)

Important Segment Timestamps

• [02:34] The Gambia, family migration, and definitions of home
• [09:03] Outdoor calisthenics gym community—encounters & social lessons
• [12:53] Compliments, body image, and “how big is too big?”
• [21:42] “The opposite also exists”—kitchen lows, the sous chef meltdown story
• [28:09–29:58] The societal expectations on men & rare, uncompetitive male friendships
• [30:19–36:15] Romance put “in storage,” trust, love, and personal shields
• [48:31–51:26] Exploding eggs and the hazards of chefly innovation
• [46:08–47:15] Tom’s encouragement: risking stability for dreams

Conclusion & Final Reflections

The episode closes as Tom and his guest bask in the randomness and beauty of connection (“I’ve never met anyone like you...I didn’t think you were out there.” [54:09–54:27]), sharing gratitude for an unexpected, revealing conversation. The guest leaves us with poetic, spontaneous lines about open windows, self-affirmation, driftwood carving, and the joy of childlike play. The enduring themes are community, courage to risk for passion, unguarded friendship, and the search for meaning amid life's steady, sometimes stubborn routines.

Episode “In a Nutshell”:

A gentle, funny, and oft-profound exploration of identity, passion, and the meaning of being “the best man”—delivered one bench, one Thursday at a time.