Strangers on a Bench – Episode 55: “It's Like I've Met You Before”

Host: Tom Rosenthal
Date: September 29, 2025

Episode Overview

In this heartfelt episode, Tom Rosenthal sits with a vivacious, candid Londoner who shares the joys and routines of her Sundays, her relationship with church and faith, cherished memories from a youth spent “raving,” her unique take on aging and independence, and the deep value she finds in community work and laughter. Their conversation traverses themes of spirituality, community, personal growth, romantic love, and the importance of maintaining a childlike spirit into old age. Radiating warmth and humor, the guest’s reflections turn an ordinary Sunday into an exploration of resilience and joy.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Sunday Rituals and the Power of Routine

• Favorite Day: Sunday, for its relaxation and spiritual grounding at church.
  • [01:00] “Sunday. That day I go to church and I can relax.” – Guest
• Early Mornings: She wakes as early as 5 or 6am, makes fresh juices (“carrot, apple and beetroot”), and enjoys solitude before church.
  • [01:57] “Apple and carrot and beetroot, sometimes.” – Guest
  • [02:38] “To me, it’s the best thing I’ve ever bought myself. I’ve had it for, like, 20 years. A Bosch. I recommend.”
• Preparation for Church: She values walking to church (about 40 minutes), dressing comfortably but with style, and finds meaning in these rituals.
  • [04:00] “Yes. Oh, that’s a good one. I have to wear good trainers. I can’t wear anything girly or high.”
  • [30:32] “Walk to church, 40 minutes. If I’m relaxed, if I’m not rushing.”

2. Church, Spirituality, and Community

• Long Connection to Church: Her first memory is wearing a pink, accordion-pleated skirt as a child and wanting everyone to notice.
  • [04:41] “Having a gorgeous pink skirt and it was accordion pleats...”
• Changes in the Church: Noted a shift towards more women, especially middle-aged, in her Caribbean congregation, and reflects on the evolving communal role of church.
  • [05:26] “It has changed because... there are more women, especially middle-aged women in our churches now.”
• Music and Gospel Singing: The most moving aspect of church; it brings feelings of safety and calm.
  • [07:04] “It’s quite spiritual. Calmness and... safe.”
• Dislikes: Does not enjoy over-the-top, egotistical preachers or forced displays of piety but appreciates diversity in speakers.
  • [07:40] “I hate it when they say to someone, ‘oh, you’re blessed today.’... I don’t like that cultish thing.”
• On Non-believers: Uncomfortable with people who come to church just to “nose,” prefers when newcomers engage and stay.
  • [10:32] “What gives them away?” – Tom
  • [10:35] “Because they won’t go and sit down in a space where they…” – Guest
  • [10:46] “I wouldn’t just walk into a Catholic church just like that. Just to nose... That does irritate me.”

3. A Life Full of Raving, Joy, and Transformation

• Youthful Energy: Recounts raving, roller-skating, and soul music as her teen and young adult rituals (1970s, 80s).
  • [12:57] “Teenager in the 70s was... You went roller skating... Funky music, soul music. It was just fantastic.”
• On Not Needing Substances: Raving was about pure joy and dancing, not about drugs or excess.
  • [13:46] “People would say, are you lot on drugs? Because we used to just dance and enjoy ourselves... people couldn’t believe we were normal.”
• Transition to Seriousness: The 1990s marked a gradual shift to “seriousness”—the “Tony Blair era”—prompting changes in priorities and independence.
  • [14:31] “Yeah. Tony Blair’s era... he turned me serious.”
• Maintaining Childlike Spirit: Despite aging, she consciously maintains her youthful, playful disposition, especially by mixing with young people.
  • [15:24] “How do you keep that kind of childlike element alive…?”
  • [15:24] “I laugh a lot... I like young people being around... I can still connect in that way.”

4. On Aging, Family, and Relationships

• Aging on Her Own Terms: Embraces aging playfully, avoids “cantankerous” elders, and treasures fun, open-hearted older friends.
  • [15:46] “Young people keep you young.”
• Grandparenting: Known among young people as “young grandma,” blending wisdom and youthful energy.
  • [16:48] “Sometimes they say, oh, my young grandma. And we will hug and that’s easy.”
• Parenting: Her flair even embarrassed her son at times due to her bold fashion sense.
  • [18:18] “My son used to say, can you come to the school dressed like a normal mom?”
• Romantic Life:
  • Met her partner roller-skating; stayed together a few years before “evolving” apart.
    • [20:14] “Roller skating.”
    • [22:27] “No, no, he’s not my type anymore... Because you were young and crazy.”
  • Retired from romance after 1996 due to heartbreak and a desire for self-sufficiency.
    • [24:09] “No, I gave up that long time ago. I can’t be bothered.”
    • [25:33] “I guard my heart. Yeah. I started to guard my heart.”
  • Values companionship and other forms of love over seeking romantic relationships.
    • [25:51] “Because if I really wanted love, I would pray for it. And I haven’t been praying for it, so. No.”

5. Work, Community Service, and Philosophy

• Running a Food Bank: Passionate about supporting those in need, growing in empathy for struggling families, and rewarding connections.
  • [33:05] “You run a food bank?”
  • [33:58] “Like 80. 80 people and they might have 4, 5, 6, 3, 1 in their family... hundreds you’re helping.”
  • [34:50] “But now you got tons of food banks. It’s not a good sign.”
• Past Careers: Former ESOL teacher; found both teaching and food bank work meaningful and fulfilling.
  • [36:07] “I used to be an ESOL teacher, English as a Second language, and I taught so many people. That was one of the most rewarding jobs as well. And this...”
• Shift from Beauty Industry to Social Consciousness:
  • Left the beauty industry in the late 80s/early 90s due to a sense of superficiality.
  • [37:21] “No, I used to work in the beauty industry... It was so mindless. In the end, I thought, this is not for me.”

6. Reflections on Materialism, Friendship, and Fate

• Material Minimalism: Places little value on material objects, values laughter, and connection over things.
  • [51:54] “What else do I have? Nothing really... Engaging with people... That’s what I love.”
• Found Objects: Shares the story of picking up a “Five Minute Journal” on the street and reading out gratitude and affirmation entries, leading to a poignant meditation on unknown lives and invisible struggles.
  • [52:26] “Five Minute Journal... I found this today.”
• Philosophy of Life and Death:
  • Finds funerals difficult but sees their social value in certain cultures.
  • Accepts “life goes on” as both melancholy and necessary.
  • [49:23] “The life goes on.” – Bertrand Russell referenced
  • [49:51] “I think that... the human being, you have no choice. You have to carry on.”

Memorable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)

• On independence:
  [24:30] “I like my own company. Yeah, I like my own company.”
• On spiritual feelings in church:
  [07:04] “It’s quite spiritual. Calmness and... Safe.”
• On youth and aging:
  [15:46] “Young people keep you young.”
• On romantic love:
  [26:04] “Romantic love is not a good idea.”
• On favoritism in church:
  [08:22] “Yeah. And so when you see the ones that you like, you’re like, yeah.”
• On meaningful work:
  [36:07] “That was one of the most rewarding jobs as well. And this...”
• On loss and moving forward:
  [49:23] “The life goes on.” – paraphrasing Bertrand Russell
• On the secret to great lemon drizzle cake:
  [45:38] “Love.”

Notable Segments & Timestamps

• Sunday Morning Ritual and Juicing: [01:00 – 03:50]
• Reflections on Early Church Experiences & Community: [04:27 – 06:40]
• Discussing Church Preachers & Changes in Congregation: [07:29 – 08:20]
• Raving, Youth, and Fun in the 1970s-80s: [12:49 – 15:08]
• Discussion of Food Bank and Community Service: [33:00 – 36:10]
• Reflections on the Beauty Industry: [37:05 – 38:00]
• Material Things & The Five Minute Journal Story: [51:45 – 55:39]
• Ending and Her Plans for Later (Breaking Fast/‘What next?’): [56:17 – 56:54]
• Reflecting on Connection With Tom: [56:54 – 57:34]
• Original Song (“I’m Still the Girl I Was”): [57:44 – End]

Final Song & Emotional Coda

The episode closes with a live, impromptu song (by a new voice, C, likely Tom or the guest), summing up the guest’s philosophy on aging, joy, and love:

• [57:44]
  “I’m still the girl I was... The child in me still dances on... Though now I got my giddy heart.
  You learn to live with all your scars and yes, I might have put romance aside
  But I’ve got so much love in my life... Oh, I thank God for making me that way.”

Takeaways

This episode uncovers extraordinary richness in routine, faith, service and self-acceptance, reminding listeners of the transforming power of laughter, helping others, and greeting life with playful openness. The guest’s warmth and energy are ever-present, showing that even as romance or youth change, love—in all its forms—remains abundant and sustaining.

Highlight Moment:
[45:38] “What’s the secret to great lemon drizzle?”
“Love.” – Guest

For more genuine, hilarious, and moving stories from anonymous Londoners, stay tuned for the next Strangers on a Bench.