Strangers on a Bench

Episode 56: Rebellion and The River

Host: Tom Rosenthal
Date: October 6, 2025

Episode Overview

In this poignant and wide-ranging episode, Tom Rosenthal sits with a stranger on a bench in a London park and peels back the layers of a life defined by rebellion, outsider status, and the search for healing and meaning. The guest—a boat-dweller and former entrepreneur—shares stories of leaving behind a lucrative but hollow existence for a more grounded, if sometimes precarious, life by the river. Through honest conversation, the episode weaves together threads of trauma, privilege, community, kindness, and the pursuit of authenticity.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Comfort of Mondays and Living on the River

• [00:52] The guest’s favorite day is Monday, because it’s quieter and free from crowds, allowing him to just “enjoy the being.”

  • "Monday is great. Day off in the sense everyone's busy and I can just enjoy the being...I don't like to be around loads of people." (Guest, 00:59)

• [01:36] He describes waking up at dawn to feed his cats on the boat, and the anchoring routines of coffee and peaceful solitude.

  • "I live on a boat, so during the summer it becomes bright quite early and then the cats wake me up for food anyway." (Guest, 01:36)

2. From Entrepreneur to Outsider: The Cost of Capitalism

• The guest shares his past founding a company reliant on Chinese tourism; he turned down a £200,000 offer weeks before COVID-19 and Brexit cratered the business.

  • "They offered me £200,000 for my equity...and then February 2020 Covid happened...my equity wasn't worth much after that." (Guest, 04:02)

• He reflects on privilege, noting how losing financial security taught empathy for those struggling.

  • "It made me see how life is for most people. Before, I was very much in a bubble...surrounded by other really, really privileged people." (Guest, 05:15)

• His relationship with work shifted, realizing “money is not the answer to everything,” and choosing a life with less convenience but more presence.

3. Community, Conflict, and Rebellion

• [06:10] Living on a boat is both liberating and fraught; the guest details tensions with a once-close neighbor who violently opposes a community gardening project.

  • "[My neighbor] broke into my boat a month ago and assaulted me as well...He was screaming at me for about 15 minutes." (Guest, 07:02)

• Despite these threats, he persists in planting flowers and building communal spaces—a “beautiful act of rebellion.”

  • "I'm trying to create a community garden. That's my work." (Guest, 09:42)
  • "Even just the act of doing a community garden is a beautiful act of rebellion against all the bullshit." (Tom, 22:24)

4. The Outsider Experience and Finding Belonging

• Raised as a Russian minority in a Muslim Central Asian country, then as a poor student among children of diplomats, the guest has always felt like an outsider.

  • "Whichever kind of social circle I get into, I'm always different to the norm." (Guest, 12:31)

• Past friendships were often forged through shared trauma, highlighting the long-lasting impact of turbulent childhoods on adult coping mechanisms.

5. Trauma, Healing, and Escaping

• [14:27] The guest openly recounts generational abuse, severe emotional distress, and estrangement from family.

  • "My dad used to drink a lot and abuse my mom and...my brother would abuse me...Occasionally sexual abuse." (Guest, 14:27)

• Realization of trauma's hold came recently via therapy and books, leading to a focus on gardening as self-healing.

  • "Gardening is my therapy essentially." (Guest, 16:54)

• He also questions the comfort derived from privilege, especially when others are exploited for one's convenience.

  • "When I used to get takeaways...it would make it hard to sleep at night...this person is essentially a slave. I didn't want to live with that." (Guest, 17:13)

6. Society, Injustice, and the Urge to Leave

• The guest voices disillusionment with injustice in the UK and the West; he's drawn to the idea of moving to rural Thailand to escape capitalist culture and live simply.

  • "This is not the place for me...I'm breaking rules and finding roots." (Guest, 20:32 & 50:04)

• Still, he recognizes “healing is lifelong,” and that geographical change may not alone resolve internal wounds.

  • "I really don't think that changing where I live is going to heal me in any way...the stuff that I need to work through is inside me." (Guest, 25:31)

7. Rule Breaking as a Way of Life

• The guest does not see himself as a rule-breaker in the criminal sense but refuses to accept the “status quo.” He disregards boat licensing rules to focus on creating community spaces.

  • "I've broken loads of rules...I haven't got a license, I haven't got a safety certificate...But I know that I'm trying to do a good thing." (Guest, 27:10, 28:26)

• Offers advice to would-be rebels: diversify your social circles, avoid seeking validation from just one group, and trust yourself.

  • "The number one thing is to try to get away from people...If you're always in one group, it's going to be really, really hard to break rules." (Guest, 31:16)

8. Kindness, Intuition, and Magical Moments

• A recurring theme is the kindness of strangers in his community—neighbors regularly give him bread and homemade food, acts that stand in stark contrast to everyday politeness.

  • "One of my neighbors...he brings out bread to me. Another...gives me food...Another elderly Irish guy made jam from the plums I grew." (Guest, 35:37, 36:23, 37:43)

• Magical moments—like enabling a circus boat performance for local kids—offer respite and meaning amid the river’s hardships.

  • "The circus boat performed. There was a big audience, loads of kids. Everyone was happy. Magical moment." (Guest, 41:08)

9. Grappling with Loss, Escapism, and Awareness

• The loss of his closest friend to addiction, compounded by unaddressed childhood trauma, intensified his awareness of how people escape pain.

  • "If you don't look into what's happened to you in your childhood, it can really fuck you up...I'm now much more aware when people seem fine...I don't buy it." (Guest, 44:27)

• Technology and substance use are highlighted as escape mechanisms as destructive as alcoholism.

10. Vivid Memory and Closing Reflections

• The guest closes with a detailed sensory memory of youthful peace on a Scottish mountain.
  • "I'm on a mountain in Scotland 15 years ago. Very clear, calm lake in front of me...It's very, very peaceful and not stressful. And I feel safe." (Guest, 47:37)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On privilege and self-awareness:
  "I do not want to use my privilege to get a high paying job...because I think it comes at a cost." (Guest, 06:10)

• On healing:
  "I don't want to be held captive to my trauma all my life. So I do gardening as a...it's my therapy essentially." (Guest, 16:54)

• On injustice and escape:
  "Colonialism isn't finished...It's just changed. Before, we were exploiting foreign lands. Now we're exploiting foreign people who come to this land." (Guest, 19:41)

• On rebellion:
  "Even just the act of doing a community garden is a beautiful act of rebellion against all the bullshit." (Tom, 22:24)

• On the outsider's journey:
  "I'm always the outsider wherever I am...my life very difficult because I'm always the outsider wherever I am." (Guest, 12:06, 12:16)

• On neighborly kindness:
  "One of my neighbors, he's like 80 and gives me bread pretty much all the time." (Guest, 35:37)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:36] Living on a boat: routines and the feeling of freedom.
• [04:02] The failed business, pre-pandemic optimism, and crisis.
• [06:10] Awakening to privilege and changing consumption patterns.
• [07:02] Community conflict and the threat from a neighbor.
• [14:27] Disclosing childhood abuse and generational trauma.
• [16:54] Healing through gardening and self-reflection.
• [19:41] Perpetuation of injustice and longing to leave the UK.
• [22:24] Community gardening as rebellion.
• [27:10] Boat life rule-breaking and the meaning of defiance.
• [31:16] Advice for would-be rule-breakers.
• [35:37] Kindness of neighbors and the difference between true and polite gestures.
• [41:08] Magical circus boat moment.
• [44:27] The death of a friend and the dangers of unhealed trauma.
• [47:37] Memory visualization of peace in Scotland.

Tone & Atmosphere

The conversation is intimate, earnest, and quietly radical; the guest is reflective, unafraid to be vulnerable, and committed to living in alignment with his values—even at significant personal cost. Tom Rosenthal is compassionate and gently probing, providing space for genuine introspection.

Final Reflections

This episode is a deeply personal meditation on rebellion, belonging, and healing, with the river serving as both escape and mirror. Through the guest’s openness, listeners are invited to reconsider comfort, community, and courage—reminding us of the value in small revolutionary acts and the complicated, beautiful work of being fully alive.