EPISODE 57: Cubed Watermelon

Summary

Strangers on a Bench – Episode 57: Cubed Watermelon

Host: Tom Rosenthal
Date: October 13, 2025

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Episode Overview

This episode of Strangers on a Bench features Tom Rosenthal in conversation with an anonymous woman (referred to as "B") on a London park bench. Their exchange spins a detailed tapestry of quiet daily joys, hard-won wisdom, and seismic life changes. Through playful talk of cubed watermelon, sound effects, and favorite days, the conversation unfolds into reflections on solitude, connections, loss, personal growth, and a surprise revelation about the future.

The episode is marked by warmth, humor, candor, and a gentle philosophical lens as B unpacks a transformative year—relationship endings and beginnings, family bereavement, migration, and pregnancy—threaded together with love for simple pleasures and a deep desire for authenticity.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Wednesday Mornings & Simple Pleasures (00:56–04:29)

• The Sacredness of Wednesdays:
  B reminisces about Wednesdays being her favorite day due to a routine that offered comfort and certainty, which has since changed due to her unstructured schedule as a waitress.
• Morning Rituals:
  B values waking up with the sun (around 7:30–8:00 am), listening to birds, and avoiding her phone. She finds transition from sleep to wakefulness a quietly sacred time.
• The Joy of Solitude:
  The pleasure of sitting outside, ideally at the beach with a book and journal, and listening to the sounds of nature over human voices.
• Aversion to Crowds & Festivals:
  Both B and Tom agree they're not festival people; B prefers the peacefulness of small, private experiences to social bustle.

"I'd rather hear the voices of the waves than a human being."
— B, [03:52]

2. Disingenuousness & Boundaries in Social Life (04:29–06:18)

• B shares her discomfort with superficiality in modern interactions, especially in the workplace. She describes maintaining polite boundaries with a particularly insincere colleague.
• Reflects on the necessity—and sometimes inevitability—of setting limits in social spheres for self-preservation.

3. Ideal Day – The Rituals of Food and Silence (07:36–12:33)

• A Day at the Beach:
  Relaxing alone, journaling, reading, possibly swimming, and eating fruit. B highlights her “meticulous” method for cubing watermelon as a particularly satisfying daily ritual.
• Cubed Snacks for the Soul:
  Clementines, grapes, and watermelon (always cubed)—this detail becomes a running motif and metaphor for B's love of simplicity and order.

"Always cubed. I'm very meticulous with how I cut my watermelon. There's a method."
— B, [08:02]

• Transition from Solitude to Shared Spaces:
  Cooking dinner at home, sometimes alone, sometimes with her boyfriend, who is “leaps and bounds” the better cook, but she relishes the ritual regardless. He is welcome, but the day is ultimately her own.

4. Relationship Dynamics—Connection, Comfort, and Choice (12:02–16:14)

• Forming a Relationship through Silence:
  B describes the comfort found in being able to share silence with her boyfriend.
• Their Origin Story:
  Met by chance in Vietnam (she Canadian, he Irish)—their initial connection was so strong, she described a “gut feeling” at their parting, despite having a partner back home.
• Long-Distance Foundations:
  Their relationship blossomed digitally via Instagram and WhatsApp, with B negotiating difficult boundaries due to her existing relationship.

5. A Year of Seismic Change (16:00–23:51)

• B narrates the immense upheaval of 2024: ending an 8-year relationship, leaving a beloved cat, her father's sudden death, her mother’s illness, and the chaos of dealing with her father’s difficult girlfriend and funeral logistics.

"A lot happened in 2024. A lot."
— B, [19:36]

• Lessons in Forgiveness:
  B speaks about practicing forgiveness, especially towards her father’s girlfriend, despite the difficulties she caused.

“People that cause pain are in pain… Hurt people hurt people.”
— Tom & B, [20:49–20:59]

6. Grief, Regret, and Family Complexity (23:54–29:46)

• Saying Goodbye:
  B’s poignant farewell to her cat, expressing love and apology for leaving him.
• Strained Parental Bonds:
  In the wake of her father’s death, she reflects on their distant relationship, exacerbated by his girlfriend’s interference and his post-surgery memory loss. She shares a small, lingering regret about declining a last meal together.

"Always go to the Greek restaurant with your father. Don’t skip the gyros."
— B, [28:30]

• Hostility with the Girlfriend:
  The aftermath included harassing threats and eventual police involvement to ensure her safety.

7. Resilience, Support Networks, and Moving Forward (30:01–33:43)

• Living Out of Her Car:
  After her father’s death, B temporarily stayed with her childhood best friend's mother for nine months, learning the value of accepting help.
• A New Beginning:
  B visits her Irish boyfriend, followed by him visiting her; together, they decide on her move to Ireland, propelled partly by her long-held desire to live abroad and the whirlwind of her recent experiences.

"There are a lot of people that want to help you, and it's okay to accept that help."
— B, [31:06]

8. Transformation and Adaptation in Ireland (39:03–42:33)

• Adjusting to a New Land:
  B struggles with Ireland’s lack of sunshine but delights in proximity to the sea and even a backyard palm tree, seeing the fulfillment of old dreams in new forms.
• Letting Go and Healing:
  She details the physical and emotional exhaustion of the previous year, and the nervous system’s slow unwinding through time and self-care.

9. Personal Agency & Relationship Autonomy (41:39–42:33)

• B affirms that while she moved for love, it was ultimately her choice; there's no resentment or extra pressure — she owns her agency and decisions.

10. Identity Layers – Past Influences and Future Versions (45:12–51:08)

• Versions of Self:
  B chronicles her evolution: strict church upbringing, gradual breaking away and return “on her own terms,” struggles with people-pleasing, and a blossoming sense of individuality.
• Wisdom Gained:
  She explores the positives and negatives of her religious upbringing, particularly boundaries and the impulse to people-please.

"You're on your, like, fifth version of yourself. Sixth version of yourself… I'm 32… on my sixth version of myself. Which is cool. Proud of it."
— B & Tom, [45:22–45:42]

11. Plot Twist: A New Life (51:00–53:59)

• Pregnancy Reveal:
  B reveals to Tom (and the audience) that she is four months pregnant. This joyous announcement is both a literal and figurative “new version” of herself and a moving full circle for Tom’s interview quest.

"I'm four months pregnant."
— B, [51:12]

• Parenthood Hopes:
  Despite being far from family and friends, B expresses deep happiness, hopefulness, and trust in her own resilience.

12. On Roots, Rituals, and Symbols (53:59–55:59)

• Cherished Tokens:
  B brought a stuffed teddy bear to Ireland with a recording of her mother's voice—a sentimental link to home, albeit triggered over-sensitively.
• Tattoos with Meaning:
  She describes her large tattoo of Carmen Miranda (the “fruit hat” samba dancer), and another of her mom at 21, sharing mixed feelings about portrait tattoos.

13. Closing Reflections (56:48–57:59)

• Philosophy Moving Forward:
  B vows not to take life too seriously, to embrace the uncertainty, and to continue her signature cubed-watermelon approach—finding joy and order in small rituals.
• The episode ends with a turkey gobble sound effect, reflecting B’s playful spirit.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On solitude and authenticity:
  "Oh, I sound like such a not people person. I am, but I'm Not."
  — B, [07:09]

• On compassion:
  "People that cause pain are in pain… Hurt people hurt people."
  — Tom & B, [20:49–20:59]

• On loss:
  "I just kept telling him I love him so much. I miss him so much. ... I just kept saying I'm sorry."
  — B, [22:16]

• On regret:
  "Always go to the Greek restaurant with your father. Don’t skip the gyros."
  — B, [28:30]

• On accepting help:
  "It's okay to accept that help. ... That doesn't mean you're a weak person."
  — B, [31:35]

• On resilience:
  "Humans are resilient. ... Don’t be afraid to ask for help. See, it comes back to that."
  — B, [53:54]

• The plot twist:
  "I'm four months pregnant."
  — B, [51:12]

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Important Timestamps

• 00:56 — B discusses Wednesdays and her ideal morning ritual.
• 03:52 — Preference for waves over voices; gentle philosophy of solitude.
• 08:02 — B introduces her cubed watermelon technique (episode’s running motif).
• 12:33 — The story of meeting her Irish boyfriend, and the importance of silence/shared comfort.
• 19:36–23:51 — Bereavement, forgiveness, and the complex family year.
• 28:30 — "Always go to the Greek restaurant with your father.”
• 31:06 — Value of help and generosity from friends.
• 39:03 — Adjusting to life in Ireland.
• 42:33 — Discussion about personal agency in life choices.
• 45:22–45:42 — "Sixth version of myself" exchange.
• 51:12 — Pregnancy plot twist revealed.
• 53:39 — Reflection on how her child will "come out basically a fruit" due to all her watermelon.
• 55:22 — Tattoos: Carmen Miranda and her mother.
• 57:01 — Final reflection: "Cube your watermelon, people. Cube it."
• 57:59 — Turkey gobble to close.

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Tone & Style

• Playful and earnest: (turkey gobbles, running jokes about watermelon cubes, sound effects)
• Reflective and candid: (speaking of loss, regret, and major transitions with honesty)
• Philosophically warm: (explorations of solitude, boundaries, kindness, and self-acceptance)
• Rooted in storytelling: (episodic snippets from various "versions" of B’s life)

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Conclusion

Episode 57, "Cubed Watermelon," encapsulates Tom Rosenthal’s podcast at its best: a brief encounter revealing the extraordinary within the ordinary. Through B’s story, listeners follow a year marked by endings and unexpected beginnings, softened by small rituals and the forbearance to seek and accept help. Her story reminds us of the value of silence, chosen family, kindness (to self and others), and the possibility of renewal in every "version" of ourselves—ending as it began, with the simple, meticulous joy of a well-cubed watermelon.

Transcript

[A]

Hello. Sorry to bother you. Can I ask you a slightly odd question? I'm making a podcast called Strangers on a Bench, where essentially I talk to people I don't know on benches for 10 or 15 minutes. Are you up for that? Do you want to give it a go? So me and you on this bench, only gonna happen once in the whole of eternity.

[B]

I'm here for it.

[A]

Fantastic first question. You can't get it wrong. That's the good news.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Is there a day of the week that you favour?

[B]

I used to really love Wednesdays, but now that my schedule's all over the place because I'm a waitress and my schedule is so wonky right now, it's no longer Wednesdays. Can I say it used to be Wednesdays?

[A]

Yeah, you can. Why did it used to be Wednesdays?

[B]

Because it was the middle of the week and I was like, yeah. Yes. I can't even put my finger on it.

[A]

It's just a feeling.

[B]

It's just a feeling. I liked Wednesdays.

[A]

Okay, perfect. Can you take me from getting up in the morning all the way through to going to bed? What for? You would be a really good Wednesday that you could.

[B]

So, I mean, I'm a pretty simple creature.

[A]

Anytime we're getting up, let's go. Detail's good.

[B]

I like getting up as early as I can naturally with the sun. Let's say around half seven, eight in the morning.

[A]

I don't like any sound. What sounds are you hoping to hear?

[B]

I'm hoping to hear. Let's see. Birds are nice. Birds are nice. Birds are nice.

[A]

Birds are nice.

[B]

I mean, I feel like everyone. Birds are nice. No, but just like, I love just laying in bed and kind of just adapting to the morning. I don't like looking at my phone.

[A]

Good.

[B]

And just not be bombarded by the world. Yeah, the world. Because the world's.

[A]

You don't have the world in your bed.

[B]

No.

[A]

Do you know what I mean?

[B]

No way.

[A]

It's your sacred space.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, man. So I get up when I get up. I love just sitting outside in peace.

[A]

Fair.

[B]

I just like sitting here like an.

[A]

Old person, listening to the nice birds.

[B]

Listening to nice birds.

[A]

Maybe you are old. Who is to know?

[B]

Maybe I am old. It's funny.

[A]

You're older than you were.

[B]

I actually. It's true. But I had this conversation with someone at work, so I'm going off a tangent right now. And he's like, are you going to any festivals? I'm like, no. I don't like that. I don't like festivals. I hate festivals. I don't like being around too many people. That's what it is.

[A]

No fair. I also. Just for what it's worth, I also am not a festival fan.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Life is a festival.

[B]

Life is a festival. Oh, interesting. I like that. But yeah, I mean, get up. I try not to eat right away. Lemon water. Boom. I love it. Sounds warm.

[A]

Lemon water. Like something plan. How many lemons are we squeezing?

[B]

Half a lemon.

[A]

Big squeeze.

[B]

Big squeeze. So I do that. And if there's a beach nearby, I'm going to the beach because I love the beach so much. I'm going to bring a book, I'm going to bring my journal, and I'm gonna sit there because it's kind of like a form of meditation to just listen to the waves and see the waves coming in. I really sound like an old person, but I prefer it. I'd prefer to just sit in silence.

[A]

There's a lot of silence if there's the waves.

[B]

Yeah, but you know what I mean. Like, I'd rather hear. I'd rather hear the voices of the waves than a human being.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

I know.

[A]

I like it. What's wrong with you, Minsvi?

[B]

Nothing's wrong with humans. I just feel like there's so much noise and opinions from people now, and I just don't have. Not that I don't have time for that because I feel like you can learn a lot of valuable things from people, hence this conversation. It's a cool opportunity. So that's why you gotta be open to things. But I just feel like today's people are just kind of disingenuous and superficial.

[A]

I like it.

[B]

And shallow. So I just.

[A]

It's a bold cause.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm gonna ask you to back it up now. This thought.

[B]

Yeah, back it up.

[A]

Can you think of the last kind of encounter you had with someone where you really felt these feelings strongly?

[B]

Oh, yeah. Someone at work.

[A]

Can you tell me the story?

[B]

No. And you know what? It's nothing. And there's no malice towards this person at all. Cause I'm just like, you know what? She's doing her thing. That's how she is. But just very fake smile. And it's like, I'll try and be nice, but I won't waste my time with you.

[A]

Is it someone you're working with or a.

[B]

Someone I worked. I work with.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And so now I just keep my distance. And I'm still polite and everything, but it's just a very fake smiles and very disingenuous and you can tell that. You can see it.

[A]

When did you. You didn't figure this out? From the get go.

[B]

Oh, from the get go.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. And I'm like, that's okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's just how they are. I can keep my distance and keep boundaries, and that's it.

[A]

Do you think anything is. I mean, could there be anything redeeming behind the fake smile, or do you think it's just. There's nothing there. Do you see what I mean? Could she somehow, if she told you something about her life that helped explain.

[B]

Definitely. I think there's definitely room for potential for opening doors to having a better working relationship. But I'm like, I have enough friends. I don't need more friends.

[A]

Fair? Absolutely fair. Here's a big question. How do you think you're perceived by her?

[B]

How does she perceive me? Maybe I don't think she hates me.

[A]

She's intimidated by you, maybe, but I.

[B]

Don'T want to be intimidating to people. Maybe snobby because I maybe put up a wall. Maybe I'm putting up the wall. I don't know. I really don't know, But I don't care.

[A]

So you wouldn't want to be stuck in a lift with her? You wouldn't mind?

[B]

I wouldn't mind. Yeah.

[A]

Have you happy V. Second. A lift? Never in your life.

[B]

No.

[A]

That's one for the bucket list. Take it off.

[B]

No way, man. No.

[A]

Do you have a lift at work?

[B]

No. No, no, no, no, no, no.

[A]

Anywhere you could get stuck. Fridge.

[B]

Like a giant fridge? I don't think so. I mean, yes, but. Please? No. Please. No. Wait. We didn't get through my Wednesday.

[A]

Don't worry. I'm fully aware of. We haven't got through your Wednesday. We're sat on the beach.

[B]

We sat on the beach.

[A]

We've learned that you prefer to listen to the sound of the waves, to the sound of humans.

[B]

Correct. Even singers. Correct.

[A]

What if, like, Adele is on the beach? You, like, shush. Adele, the waves.

[B]

No, no, I like Adele. Adele's cool.

[A]

So you take Adele over the waves?

[B]

I take the waves?

[A]

No, take the waves.

[B]

That's what I mean.

[A]

Like, I prefer to sit for Adele. She's at the beach, but I'm listening to the waves.

[B]

That makes me sound so bad.

[A]

If you're gonna listen to it, go further down.

[B]

I'd listen to it all. I'd listen to it all. That's fair. That's fair. Fair. Just about, yeah. Oh, I sound like such a not people person. I am, but I'm Not.

[A]

You want to be on this Wednesday. It's okay. No judgment.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

People are everywhere.

[B]

Exactly. They're everywhere.

[A]

Okay, so we're back at the beach.

[B]

Back at the beach.

[A]

You're journaling, you're reading.

[B]

Maybe go in the. Maybe go in the water.

[A]

Classic thing to do, isn't it? Cuz you'll probably see.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So how long can we sit on this beach for?

[B]

Hours.

[A]

Wow. So it's really just.

[B]

I could fall asleep.

[A]

We can take out the middle of the day. Really? We're just knocking out a lot of time.

[B]

I'll bring snacks. I'll bring my.

[A]

What kind of snacks?

[B]

I'm going to bring Clementine's watermelon. Grapes.

[A]

Fruity. How do you eat watermelon? Do you like, cut up in a big cubed. Oh, no, you're civilized.

[B]

Always cubed. I'm very meticulous with how I cut my watermelon. There's a method.

[A]

Sounds like there's a method.

[B]

And I wish everyone knew this method because it actually is great.

[A]

Really? Do you want to see what it is?

[B]

I mean, just cut the watermelon in half, put it on its side, and then you're gonna just start shaving off the skins. And then you're just gonna cut long slices and you're just gonna make little cubes.

[A]

That's it.

[B]

I mean, for me, it's a great method. I've seen many other methods of how people cut their watermelon. I'm like.

[A]

And you've been disgusted.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Who are your friends going past? This is you. Next week. This is me.

[B]

I know.

[A]

You'Ll be at the back, though.

[B]

You know what, though?

[A]

You'll be this one. And the roses is not talking to anybody.

[B]

Correct.

[A]

Okay. So we can't have some watermelon. You're on the beach again. We have to. We have to. You know, at some point. We're finished on the beach.

[B]

Oh yeah, we're down at the beach.

[A]

But we can't go there the whole day.

[B]

No, we're speeding up now. I'm like kind of starting to panic about like, okay, what do I have to make for supper? What do I want to eat?

[A]

So we're straight onto food. There's no, like subway between beach and home.

[B]

I mean, if I have to go to the store, I'll go to the store.

[A]

So you're seeing precisely no humans in.

[B]

This favorite day other than other than the grocery store. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Do you know them by name? No, no.

[B]

In and out, just boom, boom. I'm getting My stuff and going, oh.

[A]

So you're not having a conversation.

[B]

If it happens, it happens.

[A]

Okay. So that's your one interaction which is of no note at all. Yeah. And then you're back home.

[B]

I'm back home.

[A]

And then you're making the food.

[B]

Start making the food. Cubed. Love my cubes. Butternut squash. That's a good one. To cube as well.

[A]

With watermelon.

[B]

With watermelon. I feel like such a boring person.

[A]

Not at all. There's nothing boring about cubes.

[B]

Cubes. I go to the beach alone. I cube my papayas and my watermelons and my butternut squash alone.

[A]

That's fine. I mean, this is your day.

[B]

It's my day.

[A]

That's the beauty. No one has to tell you how to live it.

[B]

No.

[A]

You know, you're doing what you want to do.

[B]

Yeah. So I'll just cook supper. And if my boyfriend is there and he wants what I'm making, then cool. He's a much better cook than I am. Like, leaps and bounds better than I am.

[A]

This is good.

[B]

So when I cook, I feel like, you know.

[A]

So you're not entirely sure whether the boyfriend is invited to this meal or not.

[B]

Oh, he's invited. Whether he enjoys it or not, that's another story. He really.

[A]

So the boyfriend is a fairly small fraction of this.

[B]

Oh, well. He's at work. He's at work.

[A]

Oh, okay. He's at work.

[B]

He's at work.

[A]

He's at work.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. If he couldn't have. So let's just rewind a minute. If he wasn't at work.

[B]

Oh, yeah. We go to the beach together and we go road tripping. Or like we go for a drive. Yeah. But I just assume, like, he's at work.

[A]

You know, the boyfriend could have been off. So that would have changed the game.

[B]

Oh, yeah. So now we can back up if you want. We don't have time for that. Yeah, we're still going in the beach.

[A]

But then you want silence from boyfriend. If he talk. Oh, so he's allowed to.

[B]

Oh, yeah, he's allowed to talk.

[A]

Is he a big talker? He can't be.

[B]

We like sitting in silence together. I think that's nice. If you can find someone you can sit in silence with comfortably. And we do that.

[A]

So can you remember the first time you were in silence with your boyfriend? Did you have to tell him, like, I want to be in silence or did it just happen?

[B]

No, it just happens. Yeah, we went for a picnic. When was it? I don't know. What day? It was.

[A]

Not a word was spoken.

[B]

No. Yeah, seriously. We just ate, sat there and left. No, but it was nice. We just had our picnic, enjoyed it, we chatted, and we kind of just laid there by the river and enjoy. It was gorgeous. Day out, and it was just nice. It was just nice. It was just nice.

[A]

Perfect. What was your first moment of connection with your boyfriend? Like, why did you choose him or did he choose you? Or do you choose each other?

[B]

We chose each other. We met in Asia.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

He's Irish, I'm Canadian. We met in Vietnam.

[A]

And how sure were you when you first met him? How long did it take you to kind of be like, yeah, you know, pretty sure.

[B]

Pretty sure meaning, like, the next day he flew back to Dublin and I was still in Asia, and I thought I was never gonna see him again. And I was like. I had this really intense feeling in my gut or my heart or whatever you want to call it. We did have each other's contact information on Instagram.

[A]

That's very handy.

[B]

But I was. It was just kind of like, do we reach out? Do we.

[A]

You're quite good with those sound effects.

[B]

Oh, I'm very good.

[A]

I've now sound effects because I actually.

[B]

Do love sound effects.

[A]

You've just backed it up.

[B]

Perfect.

[A]

Feel free to use that. Maybe I'll ask you for different sound effects at different points, just so you can.

[B]

Well, at work, whenever I see my colleagues, I'm usually doing, like. Like, all the time. I'll just walk past them and just, like, bust out. Whatever that.

[A]

As soon as they start talking to you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So can you go?

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Okay, well, I give you full license. Go for your life at every point with the sound effects. So the latest sound effect was related to the feelings that you should contact this. This person.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

After he had gone.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then. But at the same time, you have the Instagram. How long did he wait before. Your friends are back. They're back for their next round.

[B]

Do you see? I like her bucket hat.

[A]

She's off. She's off to the Oasis concert.

[B]

Oh, see, the rose lady is gone.

[A]

She's right. That was you.

[B]

Bye, guys.

[A]

You're off.

[B]

I'm gone.

[A]

You're back on the bus.

[B]

Yeah, I don't want to be here anymore.

[A]

Cutting the watermelon into cubes. Okay. Right back to Instagram. You both have each other's.

[B]

Yep. He's the one who messaged me first.

[A]

Right. Okay. Okay. So how long? So he's two days. So he's back in Ireland. Well, One question. Are you expecting him to contact you? Second question. If he didn't contact you, would you have contacted him? Probably, but maybe not. That's interesting.

[B]

The reason being, I still had someone back home and I wanted to keep boundaries. When I met this person in Asia, I clearly stated. I was like, by the way, I have someone back home. Just letting you know. But at the end of the day, when I said goodbye to this person, there was that. That feeling that I just couldn't shake. And it was weird. I never felt anything like that before, ever. And then it was just this tear between the person I spent a day with in Asia and then versus what I had back home. And so I had some very hard.

[A]

Decisions to make related to your. That current person you were seeing. Okay, so take me to the next bits.

[B]

We just communicated just as friends. Like, really just casual. That's it?

[A]

No, no. Romantic.

[B]

No, no. There's someone in my life that's been in my life for a long time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I want to still respect that. But that's why in that span of time, I had two and a half weeks left in Asia. And I was like, okay, you have to.

[A]

Figure things out in those two and a half.

[B]

In those two and a half years.

[A]

Oh, wow, that's got a lot of pressure.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

And by the time you were flying back home, what was happening? What was happening in the brain? Brain on the plane.

[B]

Brain on the plane. Brain on the plane.

[A]

On the plane.

[B]

A lot. A lot. I.

[A]

What is the brain on the plane? Sound effect. Imagine the sat next to you on that plane. You're like, so what percentage of that time are you thinking about what you.

[B]

A lot.

[A]

70%. Yeah.

[B]

And three days after I came home, that's when I told my current partner that things could not continue for multiple reasons. Not just because you're just doing it because of someone you met in Asia. Completing my dream. One of my dreams was to move abroad. Just always. I've always wanted to move abroad. Sorry, I'm all over the place.

[A]

From Canada.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So that was another thing I was toying with. And then the person I met in Asia kind of was a catalyst to that. Not gonna lie.

[A]

Yeah. No, don't lie. No point in lying.

[B]

That's no point. Lying. So then that kind of just snowballed and then. Yeah. The rest of the year was.

[A]

A year, basically.

[B]

Yeah. Do you wanna know?

[A]

Yeah, of course I wanna know.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Wanna know everything.

[B]

So that happened, ending that relationship of almost eight years, leaving my cat, which I love so much.

[A]

Oh, that's tough.

[B]

It was my cat, but I thought I was like, you know what? It's better for you to keep the cat. My ex partner at that point. Because it's better for the cat.

[A]

You love the cat. Cat's like home place. They don't like to be moved.

[B]

No.

[A]

Do you remember that? The final goodbye to the cat?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What did you say?

[B]

I'm not doing sound effect now.

[A]

Because.

[B]

I miss her crying. No. Oh. And I moved out, obviously. I moved in with my childhood best friend's mother. A week later, my dad died suddenly from a heart attack. So I had to deal with that and his crazy girlfriend. And then the funeral and then three days later, my mom was in the hospital for hep C. And then like struggling to do the whole apartment. Selling the apartment, all while trying to be very respective of my ex partner at that point. Helps.

[A]

Pretty light year then.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's a lot, isn't it?

[B]

Oh, yeah. It was like a huge jumble of everything. I was like, great, give me more. Yeah, give me another one. Go. Yeah. So that was like really heavy. She was fine in the end, but it was just like, why is this happening right now? Yeah, in the end it was fine though, but it was scary because she was in the hospital for a while.

[A]

So you almost lost both your parents.

[B]

Like, it was weird. Yeah. Yeah. A lot happened in 2024. A lot.

[A]

Wow. Feels like one of those kind of times in your life where a number of seismic events happen to the extent that your life cannot not change fundamentally. You can't return even slightly to where you were. Do you know what I mean?

[B]

But I don't think I'd want to at this point because, like, I mean, I've learned a lot through it.

[A]

What have you done.

[B]

That to practice? Forgiveness is hard but better.

[A]

Who are you trying to forgive?

[B]

My dad's girlfriend. Because she was insane.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

She's actually insane. She made the process so much more difficult.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But that's fine because she's just damaged. And I just try and remember that, like, she's the way she is because of her upbringing.

[A]

It's so tricky, isn't it? I mean, because it's. When you're contending with a person like that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

All you get is just the pain of what they're bringing. I mean. Yeah, but you know, people that cause pain are in pain.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. Hurt people. Hurt people.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I want to ask a bit more about her, but.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, look. Look at that. It's a peacock.

[B]

There's the peacock.

[A]

You see, this is the first peacock we've had from a bench.

[B]

Oh, really?

[A]

Yeah. Live peacock. If it comes close. Do you know what peacock sounds like?

[B]

I actually don't. I do a great turkey gobble.

[A]

Do you?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Come on, let's hear it.

[B]

Are you sure? Hollow.

[A]

Fun fact for you. I think the one thing I'm actually scared of is turkeys.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. I just can't. I can't abide by them. They're something.

[B]

No, they can be beastly.

[A]

They lean into you. They're not necessarily very scared animals.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it's just that kind of dangly bit.

[B]

Yeah. The dangly bits is so cool.

[A]

I just can't deal with that. It just looks so wrong.

[B]

Why is that there? I actually don't even know what that. What that's for. Yeah, No, I agree.

[A]

It's like a kind of scrotum or something.

[B]

It is a deflated scrotum. Yeah, no, you're right.

[A]

Anyway, that's not to say that your turkey gobble wasn't fantastic. So don't let me stop you doing it. I'm not like in fear of the gobble.

[B]

We're fine.

[A]

I kind of hear what you said. It all escaped very quickly after I asked you to say goodbye to your cat. But what did he say to your cat? I quite like goodbye to animals. And the things are whispered in animals ears.

[B]

I just kept telling him I love him so much. I miss him so much. Because he's an older cat. I don't know. I just held him because it was the last time I went to my old apartment. I kept saying I love him and I'm so sorry. So that was it. I just kept saying I'm sorry. Hi, peacock.

[A]

There's our peacock. Hi. Hello, peacock.

[B]

That was it. I just. It's just grief. Yeah. Yeah. I love him.

[A]

Oh, let's say tough.

[B]

Yeah, but it's okay. People with cats. No, people with animals know, they understand the struggle. But he's okay. He's happy. He's in really good hands with my ex partner. So it's gonna be fine. Yeah, it's part of life. It was my decision. I made that choice.

[A]

Yeah, but you wouldn't have chosen. I mean, it's just a byproduct of your choice. It's not like you wanted to.

[B]

No, that's it. But clearly I'm still super hurt by it.

[A]

Oh, yeah. No, but that's totally understandable. I've got a cat. I would feel the same way.

[B]

Yeah, so. But it's okay. It's okay.

[A]

And that died. And then that died soon after you said.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. And that was just completely sudden.

[B]

Oh, yeah. He had a heart attack alone in his apartment, and the cops came to my mom's place at Easter and told me that he died.

[A]

Yeah. What was your relationship like?

[B]

Not good. Not good. Yeah, I tried, but the girlfriend. So I had to keep boundaries from my dad because of her, because she would drive a wedge in between us.

[A]

Was it before her? Did you. I mean, what was the situation like?

[B]

It wasn't that great. I wasn't super close with him.

[A]

Any reason for that. Just.

[B]

I just think he wasn't meant to be a dad, to be honest. I think he tried. He tried his best to navigate through fatherhood, but he just wasn't.

[A]

Wasn't in his.

[B]

I don't think it was like in his core.

[A]

Yeah. I think some people are kind of like that. Hey, it's just unfortunate that you're the. You're the receiver and you just have to land.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

With that.

[B]

But that's fine. It just makes you tough. Makes me tough and makes me want to be a parent, like a good parent for my kid and learn from that.

[A]

Oh, completely. So that's. That's something.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Our peacock friends still there?

[B]

No.

[A]

Do you think you could have rectified anything with him over time?

[B]

See, that's where it gets kind of sticky and weird because before his heart attack, he had to have a major heart surgery, which had complications. So he was in the hospital for eight months and he had something called anoxia. He lost oxygen to his brain. So then after all the rehab and his recovery, he basically suffered from short term memory loss. So I would try to form a relationship again with him. But then the girlfriend who was taking care of him at that point, she was the main presence in his life, so he would listen to her. And then whenever I did see him, he forgot all the stuff I told him prior because of the short term memory loss. So it was kind of like a vicious cycle. Like, I would literally repeat myself to him every time I saw him. So at one point I was like, I don't even. I can't even. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't.

[A]

Is there anything that you. You didn't say to your dad that you would like to have said?

[B]

I mean, I think I pretty much said it all when he was going through this thing, but again, it didn't really stick in his head. Yeah, he remembered long term stuff, like he can remember hockey goals and Famous players from back in the day. But stuff that I told him then, he doesn't remember. He didn't remember.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, that's so difficult. Especially because he wanted just.

[B]

I just wanted a relationship with him. So that's it. And I don't even remember, like, he died in April 2024. 2024. And last year, before. Yeah. And before that, I don't even remember how much time went by without me seeing him.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I don't know. But I do remember. I do remember. And this is a regret, if you will. I guess before he had his big heart surgery, I took him to one of his appointments, and then it was kind of around suppertime, and we were driving. He said, he's like, oh, do you want to go to marathons? Which is a Greek restaurant. He's like, oh, do you want to go for supper? Or something? Like, my treat. Because you took me to my appointment, but I was just done for the day. I didn't want to. He's grumpy and stubborn and annoying. And I said, no, you know what? I just want to go home. But then he had his surgery and that's when everything happened. So I kind of regret not going for that last.

[A]

You never would have known, though. That's it.

[B]

Yeah. But I guess that's like, you know.

[A]

Always go to the Greek restaurant with your father. Is that what you're saying?

[B]

Always go to the Greek restaurant with your father. Exactly. Don't skip the gyros. Don't. Yeah, so that's. Yeah, that's a story.

[A]

So Zay died. Terrible. Problems with the bad girlfriend. You don't talk to her now again.

[B]

Oh, zero. I had to call the cops on her, like, get them to get her to stop contacting me.

[A]

Oh, really?

[B]

Really? Like it was that bad. She was threatening me. She was. I don't know. She was jealous. I don't know what it was.

[A]

What kind of threats were you talking like?

[B]

She's like, I know where you live. I'm gonna slash the tires of your car. I'm gonna turn you black and blue. I'm gonna hit you. I know people. They're gonna come after you. Oh, yeah. Like, it was a full on thing and she did have my address. Just nonsense. Nonsense.

[A]

So, yeah. So she's gone now.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

So, right. Let me get his timeline somewhere. Right.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. You come back.

[B]

Okay. Here, I can give you the timeline.

[A]

Hi. Is this a different one?

[B]

Is this a different one? He's more green. Don't pick me, please.

[A]

What are you pecking it's okay. He's pecking the bag.

[B]

That's all right.

[A]

That's a little peck of the bag.

[B]

That's the second peacock.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Is that good luck?

[A]

Let's say it is.

[B]

That's nice.

[A]

Great things will happen to both of us.

[B]

I love it. Okay, so here's the timeline. So March, I come back three days later, after.

[A]

I come back, two weeks after the. Yeah. I don't get it. Right. Week later, dad died.

[B]

Dad dies suddenly. And then dealing with the funeral, I just lived out of my car, and I called my childhood best friend's mother, who I'm very close with. I've always been. And I was crying, and she's like, where are you? Stop driving. You're next to the house. Come over, chatted with her.

[A]

Where were you driving to, though?

[B]

In my head, I was gonna go to my mom's, but she lived very far. So I just decided to pull off and go to this amazing person's house and chatted with her. And she basically said, stay here. Stay here while you figure it out, my lovely friend. She is. She's amazing.

[A]

And how long are you there for?

[B]

Almost nine months.

[A]

Whoa. Yeah, that is a good friend then.

[B]

She's amazing. Her and her husband. I'm so thankful for them. The amount was like. Yeah. And that's the thing, like, especially during last year, I really realized, like, there are a lot of people that want to help you, and it's okay to accept that help. It's okay to ask for help. It's okay to accept help completely. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, you're so right. It's almost an art to accepting help. I think people really don't accept the help. There's a kind of element of pride there.

[B]

Or accept the help. Accept it. Like, don't be prideful or whatever the word is. Accept the help. That doesn't mean you're a weak person. It doesn't.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

At all. And I had a lot of people that helped me a lot. So I'm so thankful for that. So I hope that I can return that as much as I can to other people.

[A]

So lovely.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so all the while. Yeah, we're talking to. Should we call him Irish boy Irishman?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Mr. Irish.

[A]

Mr. Irish. You're on. You're still on Instagram or have you migrated to WhatsApp?

[B]

We've eventually. We eventually migrated to WhatsApp. Yes.

[A]

Were you communicating all this to him? I'm guessing, yeah.

[B]

Yes. Right from the get go, he's getting the heavy stuff, so that's also quite.

[A]

A good test for him.

[B]

Yeah. And he was so sweet. He was super supportive as much as he could from a distance.

[A]

How did he do it? Well, from a distance, because it's quite hard to support from a distance.

[B]

Well, he was just always sending very sweet, kind messages, making sure I was okay.

[A]

Voice notes.

[B]

Voice notes. Oh, yeah. But just very supportive. And he didn't have to be. He could have been like, you know what?

[A]

This sounds a lot.

[B]

This sounds like a lot. I don't feel. It's not worth it. I'm a long way. Exactly. He could have. Yeah. But he didn't. So that was nice.

[A]

That's really nice.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so, you know, at what point did that text message come through? So do you want to come and live in.

[B]

Well, no, eventually. Eventually, like, I came to Ireland to visit last May, and then he went to me in Canada in August. And then at that point it was kind of like, okay, well, who's going where? Who's going where? And since I always wanted to move.

[A]

Abroad, pretty obvious answer.

[B]

I was like. And you know what? After that point, after everything that had happened, I was like, you know what?

[A]

Get me out of here.

[B]

Bye. And I couldn't wait. And I couldn't wait.

[A]

Yeah. It's nice when you have these aspirations, but then at some point things really point you in that direction. It's useful to feel like a momentum behind the decision.

[B]

Right, exactly. So. So that was it.

[A]

Here they come. These are the lads. These the lad equivalent.

[B]

That's it.

[A]

A bit less.

[B]

Less gumption.

[A]

Yeah. Think the ladies were faster?

[B]

Oh, definitely. They were strutting their stuff.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He does look quite dapper, though, the last gentleman.

[A]

Yeah. Good look. It's a good look.

[B]

I like it.

[A]

There you go. The tools of the old people. Oh, look, there's the lady with the roses.

[B]

Oh, you see, she's still alone. And she's still alone. She prefers her own company.

[A]

Still waddling about.

[B]

Still waddling. No roses. Yeah.

[A]

So he came here first. He went to you first.

[B]

I visited here first.

[A]

Right. And that point, how long had you spent with him in Asia?

[B]

A day.

[A]

Wow. So just a day.

[B]

One day.

[A]

That's a big day in your life, that one day, wasn't it?

[B]

But that's what I mean when I.

[A]

Say, what did you do that one day, by the way?

[B]

It was a day excursion.

[A]

Right. With other people.

[B]

With other. But the big group of, like, just random people.

[A]

He was alone too.

[B]

Yeah. He was full of traveling. Yeah. And it was just this big group and that day I was. I didn't feel like talking to people. It was early and I was just like sitting on the bus and whatever. And then we all get off at our location and I was like, everyone's talking to someone. Like, I'm not gonna be a hermit. Like, I guess I should try.

[A]

Everybody's talking to someone.

[B]

Everyone's talking to someone.

[A]

Better join in with this talking to people thing.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

So then, oh, look, that guy looks cute over there. Talk to him.

[B]

Yeah, well, it was him and another guy from Texas. And I was like, oh, they're laughing. They seem like laid back and just like genuine people. So I just introduced myself to them, and then we all kind of just like hung out, the three of us. But then eventually it diverted to just him and I kind of just.

[A]

How did you get rid of the Texan?

[B]

He wanted to go that way, up the hill.

[A]

Did he really want to go that way, up the hill?

[B]

He really wanted to go up that way and I wanted to go that way because I didn't want to go where everyone was going.

[A]

An Irish boy definitely knew which way he was going to go.

[B]

He followed me. Yeah, but it was interesting.

[A]

Would have chosen the other way. Imagine you could be in Texas now.

[B]

Could have been Texas now, you know? But the way the day just kind of evolved is like, we went up that hill together, we climbed down, and then we had lunch together, went on the bikes. He kind of went his way, I kind of went my way. Then we went on the boat tour thing, and then we both sat in the boat together. It was great. And then towards the end of the day of the excursion, I told him, I was like, it's your last day here. You have to go to this restaurant in town. Like, it's a Michelin star restaurant. It's so good. Please tell me you're going to try it. I told the Texan, too. I was like, you guys, like, go? And the Texan's like, oh, sorry. Like, I actually can't make it tonight. I really can't. And Irishman, he's like, well, do you want to still go? And I was like, yeah, sure. So then we met up later that evening, and the Michelin restaurant was closed because it was lunar New Year.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So then we just strolled around the city and found a different restaurant, and we were the last ones to leave. I bet they told us, they're like, sorry, we're closing. You gotta leave.

[A]

So that was a big meal.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Do you think you need life be different without that meal? Or is it going up the mountain more important?

[B]

I think the meal really helped because, like, even at one point during the meal, he went outside and we were sitting next to a glass window and he. Right in front of me, he face planted himself on the window. Like, it kind of scared me, but it just made me laugh so much. And I was like, he's ridiculous. I love it. And then after that, we just walked around the. There's a little park. And we just sat there and chatted. And that was it. And then he's like, okay, well, I gotta go now. Like, my flight's early tomorrow morning.

[A]

So what was that goodbye like to him? Big hug or.

[B]

Yeah, towards the end, it was a. It was two big hugs.

[A]

I think you could always tell when the double hug comes out. It's like, one wasn't. That's actually quite revealing.

[B]

Yeah, two big hugs.

[A]

One just wasn't enough.

[B]

And then we kind of, like, squeezed hands and then just like, let go. Like, again, no kissing, no nothing else because boundaries. And then it was just like, okay, well, thanks for the day. It was great.

[A]

Have a good life.

[B]

Have a good life. Have a good life. And I never thought I was going to see him again.

[A]

And here we are. And here we are in Ireland.

[B]

Yeah, it's wild.

[A]

So how do you find it in Ireland, then?

[B]

Now?

[A]

What's been your kind of.

[B]

No, it's beautiful. The weather, I'm kind of not gonna lie. Struggling with. I really love and need the sun.

[A]

Yeah, but you have the sunshine of your Irish boy.

[B]

Correct, Correct, exactly. But, no, Ireland is great. I never thought in a million years I'd be here because I'd always imagined myself living somewhere hot again.

[A]

Life doesn't turn out as you thought it might.

[B]

No. But you know what? It does turn out. I always said to myself, I was like, you're gonna live somewhere near a beach and somewhere with palm trees. So I'm 20 minutes from a beach, and it's a beautiful beach. And where we're currently living, there's a beautiful palm tree in the backyard.

[A]

Fantastic. So I'm technically in the place you hoped you'd be.

[B]

Correct. That's pretty great.

[A]

That is pretty great.

[B]

Yeah. It's a little cold.

[A]

How do you kind of come down from. I mean, is it still, like. Do you still feel that all that tension of last year is kind of in you?

[B]

Yeah, a little.

[A]

It's hard to kind of.

[B]

There must be some with time, like, time definitely does heal. The beginning was rough. I'm not gonna lie. When I first Got here, it was rough.

[A]

Why?

[B]

Just I think my nervous system was so tightly wound.

[A]

Was it like, why are you doing this?

[B]

No, I think my body was just like held all the tension from last year. Like, physically.

[A]

I see. Like physically, literally, I didn't know quite how to release it.

[B]

Yeah, it's true what they say, that you hold tension in your hips and emotion in your hips. Because there's times where I could not sleep because I felt so tight. And I would literally. It sounds silly, but it helped. I would get down on the floor and I would lay like tummy down on the floor and I would just rock my hips so I felt the tension on my hip bones just to release that, whatever that was. And I would do that. I'm not kidding. Like three in the morning, because I couldn't sleep and I would just rock on the floor. But I needed to do it and it kind of helped.

[A]

So Irish boys walk in and be like, what's she doing on the floor?

[B]

What are you doing on the floor three in the morning? Why are you planking on the floor right now?

[A]

Is that a Canadian thing?

[B]

Yeah, just self soothing. It's fine. Just listen to your body. Yeah, Always listen to your body.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

But no, overall, like, adapting to Ireland. I feel like I'm settling more and it's. It's good.

[A]

This is an unfair question. Do you mind an unfair, slightly unfair question?

[B]

Sure.

[A]

No, it's not unfair. It's just like difficult. But do you feel like, you know, when you move somewhere for someone, is there like an extra pressure on kind of the relationship? A bit.

[B]

Not really. Just because it was still my choice. Yeah, it was my decision. So whatever happens, like, obviously it takes two in a relationship, but it was my decision. Ultimately. He was never like, I want you to move here, I want you to do this. No, never. He actually feels bad. He's told me many times. He's like, I'm like, you sacrificed a lot. I'm like, yeah, I did. But you know what? Like, I believe in the relationship and I want it to work. So ultimately, no, I don't feel like there's pressure because it was my choice to do it.

[A]

That's good.

[B]

So. And if it works, amazing. If it doesn't, that's okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Then we'll figure it out then.

[A]

Of course. And you're still going strong. Yeah, you're still here. Although I was worried at the beginning that he was only getting a tiny bit of the meal on your day. And so I've had this whole day alone And I may ask the boyfriend just for a little bit. He could come for dessert.

[B]

He can come for dessert.

[A]

He can have the tea after.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Are there any. I've just thought of a question. What item did you bring from Canada that had no. Has no functional use, but it was important to you to have near you?

[B]

I'm trying to think. My mom gave me, like, a stuffed teddy bear that had a voice recorder in it of her voice.

[A]

What did it say?

[B]

I think it's like, I love you forever. I love you for always. As long as I'm living, my baby will be. Have you read that book by Robert Munsch?

[A]

Yeah, It's a classic.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. And she added, like, a few extra words.

[A]

Do you have to press to get the message?

[B]

No. It's so annoying. Like, I love you. I love you, Mom. But, like, that teddy bear is just like. I can't hold it because it's so sensitive. The button inside the heart. So I'd hear her voice every two seconds and I'm like, so right now the teddy's just on the nightstand and that's it.

[A]

Do you think? Do you think? Okay, so if mom would have said to you pre this. Yeah, okay, I'm getting a talking teddy, so you can't do anything about that. But I can either do a kind of sentimental bit of poetry, whatever you want to call it, prose. Or I could just say a few nice affirmations, or I could just do some random sound effects. Which one would you choose?

[B]

You see, I feel like the sound effects would be super fun, but I think I'd go for the affirmations. Defos. Yeah.

[A]

Have you ever done a turkey gobble in the restaurant? Like, what are you ordering? Not the turkey gobble.

[B]

No, it has to be louder than that.

[A]

Here's a really good test for you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Such a good test.

[B]

Do you want me to do it out loud in front of.

[A]

No.

[B]

Okay. Because I would.

[A]

That was actually I was going to do. I was going to ask the opposite. Could you, like, what is the quietest turkey gobble you can do? Like, imagine a turkey gobble, like, in a library, so.

[B]

Oh, it's a library gobble.

[A]

Yeah. Here's a great question, actually, whether I even bother, because obviously we've dealt with, for me, what is clearly like, this seismic moment in your life where you've. Everything's kind of changed and lots of stuff has happened and you made the moves to the extent that now, you know, you are living a kind of 2.0 existence.

[B]

You know, Actually, it's funny, my friend, she told me, she's like, you're on your, like, fifth version of yourself. Sixth version of yourself. I'm like, yeah, I guess that's why you're so old. Exactly.

[A]

That's what you're wearing it.

[B]

Can I say my age or is that. Will that break a non? A non.

[A]

I mean, unless by giving away your age, you can be recognized audio wise.

[B]

I'm 32.

[A]

Good age.

[B]

I feel like it's a good age. And it's like, yeah, man, I'm on my sixth version of myself. Which is cool. Proud of it?

[A]

Should be. Yeah, yeah. So the big question is, do I bother asking you about other versions of yourself or should we, like, should we have kept. Are we good just to keep it for this bit? Do you know what I mean? Or alternatively, what's to come with this next version?

[B]

I mean, I can give you nutshell versions.

[A]

Yeah, let's do nutshell versions then. Let's do backwards and forward. Nutshell style.

[B]

Yeah, nutshell style.

[A]

Yeah. Okay. Let's do. Let's do nutshell versions from the party. Like, version one, Was this. Version two, was this. Version three, was this bosh.

[B]

I mean, the big versions was growing up heavily in church, which influenced a lot of who I was as a person.

[A]

Christ.

[B]

So that was just like. Yeah.

[A]

What is gained from the church?

[B]

Boundaries.

[A]

Yeah, boundaries. Yeah, they're good. They're good on those. Is any of the church still in you?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I think so. But on my terms.

[A]

Which bit?

[B]

The God aspect, the most important aspect, people tend to forget that and put so much pressure and power on how you look, how you dress, how you act, how you think, how you blah, blah. And it's like, have you forgotten? I think you have. So Anyway, through my 20s, well, I grew up, like, literally baptized or dedicated in the church. And since I was a baby, like, I went twice on Sundays, once on Wednesdays, once on Saturday. Yeah. And then as you get older, and I was like, okay, just kind of gonna discover this new version of me and like, going to college, meeting new people, da, da, da, da, da. And then there was that kind of divide of like, where are you going? Like, why are you leaving the church so much? And I was like, guys, let me figure it out. Even though I know they had their good intentions, but at some point you.

[A]

Kind of officially parted ways from that for a while.

[B]

And then I went back.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

But on my terms, which is what? Meaning I would go turkey gobbles. Exactly.

[A]

That's How I choose to.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

To worship.

[B]

Yeah. So I went on my own terms and it was basically just like, sat in the back. I didn't really converse with people, and I left.

[A]

Classic. But that was. You're still recording. That was a certain chapter still. That was like a kind of.

[B]

That was like my teens, early 20s.

[A]

So those. Any other nutshells we're missing from the earlier days?

[B]

That was like the biggest nutshell. Like, I think that was a very defined defining chapter, which I'm still trying to figure out. Not gonna lie. And, like, why I am the way I am now. Could it be influenced from it that make me.

[A]

Well, if you're doing it from the start of your life, there's a chance that there is gonna be some impact. Sure.

[B]

At least huge impact.

[A]

What do you think the negative ones might be?

[B]

How can I describe. Like, I just want people to be okay. And I wonder why I want people to be okay so bad. Because I wonder if so much was expected of me to be a certain way.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

When I was younger. Like, I have to dress a certain way, I have to look a certain way. I have to do that. Maybe it is pupil pleasing. I don't know. Expectation. I think that was like a negative. Like, I wasn't allowed to cut my hair. And when I did cut my hair, because I wanted it to be healthy, I got called out on it, which is like, guys, it's just hair. That's it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So that was like.

[A]

That's intense, isn't it?

[B]

That was a little intense, yeah.

[A]

You know, the nature of institutions, they can be kind of quite repressive just by the fact you've got to be in them and attend to them regularly. And, like, you can't do stuff outside of them. Like, talk about hair as an example. But, you know, just movement, blah, blah, blah. Do you think there's an extent to which there is this force in you to be and to live, you know, as an individual? Yeah, yeah, totally. Like, eventually, you know, was gonna come crashing out somehow. Like, totally.

[B]

Absolutely. But I still knew within my heart of hearts, I was like, I know who my God is. I know who I trust. And no matter where I go, no matter what I do, like, that's all that matters. And genuinely, like, do my best each and every day. That's all that matter. And then I think maybe in turn, that's why I don't like disingenuous people, because I find people do too many things to please others. But it's like, listen to your heart. What do you really want. What do you really want to do?

[A]

And future you.

[B]

Do you want a plot twist?

[A]

Oh, do I ever really. Give me. Give me a word before you say it. Do a sound effect for the plot twist.

[B]

No, it's not. It's not spontaneous enough. If something happens, then.

[A]

Fair.

[B]

Great. Should we just, like, leave the podcast on a cliffhanger or. Are you sure?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, I think the podcast is over. No, I'm trying to cue the music. No, future version me.

[A]

What's this gonna be? I'm intrigued now.

[B]

Yeah. Are you? So it's gonna be a new chapter.

[A]

You're leaving tonight and not telling.

[B]

No, no. The new version of me is I'm gonna be a mom.

[A]

Nyga.

[B]

So I'm four months pregnant.

[A]

So lovely.

[B]

And we're very happy. But that's just going to be another version of me as a mom. So lots been happening in the last.

[A]

Whoa. So good. You know what?

[B]

You wanted a nutshell.

[A]

That's another quite literal nutshell. You want to know something quite fun, funny.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I've done. Just to make it about me for one second.

[B]

Do it.

[A]

Don't be right back.

[B]

No, no. It's a conversation.

[A]

So I've been doing this three and a half, you know, talk to now, like, well over 200 people. I've always wanted. I've always wanted. I've always hoped to talk to a pregnant person, but I haven't really up until this point. And what's sweet is that. And there's a few people who have been pregnant on benches I've like, rushed towards and they've just got off. I've just missed them. Or like, noticeably pregnant.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I suppose there's a bit of a magic of like, I've been chasing it, but, you know, it's here all along. Yeah. But I've also had to come quite a long way to find a pregnant woman.

[B]

200. 200 people.

[A]

Yeah. And also come along in distance from my home from London to Dublin to find.

[B]

To find a pregnant woman.

[A]

To find a pregnant woman.

[B]

The smallest bench.

[A]

It is the smallest bench.

[B]

Oh, the smallest bench.

[A]

I'm glad.

[B]

I'm happy for you. I am.

[A]

This baby is so important to me.

[B]

I'm happy that I could provide that to you. Seriously.

[A]

I am.

[B]

That's cool.

[A]

Well. Incredible. Huge. Congratulations.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

And you're feeling how's.

[B]

Happy. Very happy.

[A]

Yeah. You're going to be good at it.

[B]

Thank you. I appreciate that. I hope so.

[A]

Yeah. No, I know. So you agree? Really?

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

And it's A great thing to do.

[B]

So I'm just trying to enjoy every moment through all the sickness. The sickness is pretty much done, but I'm just trying to embrace every moment and even the fact that I don't have my family and friends here, but I'm like, you know what? It's okay. It's part of it. It's just a process. It's a chapter, it's a version, It's a. It'll work itself out. Humans are resilient. We are. But don't be afraid to ask for help. See, it comes back to that.

[A]

And the cubes.

[B]

And the cubes.

[A]

Oh, you mean you can cut up all the cubes? Because kids will love that. They love, like, compartmentalized food.

[B]

They're gonna be the master watermelon cutter. First thing is so excited. Oh, this kid is gonna come out, like, basically a fruit. The amount of fruit that I eat, like, I'm just. It's ridiculous. So it's gonna be sweet as pie.

[A]

Yes. See, there we go.

[B]

There we go. That was one.

[A]

Oh, it's so lovely.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm so. I'm so happy. That's a million questions I could ask about being pregnant and stuff, but I feel like it's a baby in there.

[B]

It's a baby. It's the size of a pear right now.

[A]

Soon to be watermelon.

[B]

Soon to be. Oh, yeah. Soon to be watermelon. Hopefully not cubed.

[A]

Yeah. U shaped watermelon. There's a last question of this podcast.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Before I ask that, actually, I just want to quickly ask about the tattoo on your leg.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I think it's just too big a face.

[B]

I honestly can't stand this tattoo. And it's not even that old.

[A]

Okay, who is it?

[B]

So it's Carmen Miranda. She's the Brazilian Portuguese samba dancer in the 1940s. She was huge. She's the lady who wears the fruit hat.

[A]

Yes, of course. Yes, yes, yes. Right. Yeah.

[B]

So I've always loved her, like, as a kid.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I was like, oh, let's go big. Let's go bold. Which the artist did an amazing, amazing job. But I'm just like, I don't like seeing a face on my leg.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then I have my mom when she was 21 on this side.

[A]

Oh, hang on. What? You need to stand up now. Oh, hang on. Oh, wow, there's mom.

[B]

So there's a mom when she was.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

She was the mechanic and she was, like, just doing her thing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And that's her.

[A]

That's the first mom I've seen on a leg.

[B]

That's a mom on a leg. And. But everyone's like, if they see me walking, a lot of people, they're like, oh, is that you? And I'm like, no, I wouldn't tattoo myself on myself. But so now I'm kind of just like, you know, like, whatever. And, yeah, love that. So just, you know, consider portraits as tattoos. People, you know, have a plan.

[A]

Well, we've reached the end. Best plot twist possible. Thank you for that.

[B]

Excellent. Thank you. You're welcome.

[A]

Love a plot twist.

[B]

I'm glad you found your pregnant woman in Dublin, Ireland.

[A]

So good. So good. I can rest in peace now. Know that I found my pregnant woman.

[B]

Wow. Cool.

[A]

Last question for you. Yeah. Oh, yeah. But how. That's a fun thing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Right, let's go. Do answer the question. But at the end, to end this whole thing, just do a big turkey gobble. I feel like it's the natural end, you know? So answer your question. And then as you finish, you've ended. When you've said your final word, let's end on a gobble.

[B]

Okay, I can do that.

[A]

Okay. So the question is, what are you going to do next?

[B]

I'm just gonna continue not taking life too seriously because it's easier that way. But the new human on the way, just trying to remember that just to not take life too seriously. It's gonna be okay. Yeah. And cube your watermelon, people. Cube it. Cube. I feel like I just ruined the perfect end.

[C]

Just one day with you Just one day Turn my world Just one day Now I'm sitting by the ocean Watching a bird fly home and though this is new it already feels like home It's a quiet life A still morning and the waves just roll by.

[B]

The.

[C]

Day is dawn Morning There's a version of me I don't know anymore One that is bringing life to the world and there you are carrying our Irish. Just one thing you just.