EPISODE 58: Gratitude, Painted Nails, and The Irish Lottery

Summary

Strangers on a Bench – Episode 58: Gratitude, Painted Nails & The Irish Lottery

Host: Tom Rosenthal
Date: October 20, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this soulful and candid episode, Tom Rosenthal sits beside an anonymous bench-dweller in a London park, unfolding a life story rich with struggle, resilience, and humor. Their conversation delves into topics like gratitude, family trials, the benefits of walking, the complexities of fatherhood, brushes with the law, and the role of manifestation. The guest’s raw honesty, wit, and reflective nature steer the episode through adversity toward hope, self-discovery, and a few unexpectedly hilarious anecdotes involving makeup and painted nails.

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Key Topics & Discussion Points

1. Favorite Day and Working Life

• [00:46] The guest shares that Friday is his favorite day:

  "Payday, isn't it? That's why Friday is always a good day. Everyone works hard. Monday to Friday, get paid Friday and then that's it."

• His vocational journey began with a government YTS (Youth Training Scheme), focusing on skills like retail and mechanics.
• Later, he started plastering with a mate, launching ‘Quality Plasterers’ – a venture that involved early miscalculations and plenty of learning.

2. The Accident, Health & Life Change

• [02:57]–[03:40] The guest recounts a car accident leading to a herniated disk, the end of his work life for several years, and the struggle of recovery:

  "I woke up in the morning, think, oh, my neck stiff... went to work, picked a plasterboard above my head and that went straight back down. That was it. Not worked for a few years now, just on the mend. But it will come back."

• Reflects on how this forced him to slow down, prioritize himself, and become more mindful (“You gotta put you first and then after you, everything else will flow nice. Do you know what I mean? Like a river.” – [04:00–04:11]).

3. Fatherhood, Mistakes & Family Dynamics

• [05:37]–[07:53] The guest is a proud but young grandfather at 46, with four daughters and a grandson.
• Recounts how becoming a dad lit a fire under him to pursue purpose and stability.
• Candid about the chaotic circumstances of his relationships and unplanned fatherhood:

  “None of them were planned. So it's like, oh, I'm pregnant. And then she got pregnant and then it's like, right, it's okay... Then when you've sat down, I thought, we'll have the baby. Then it's like, okay, how can we move forward with this plan?” ([26:26])

• Admits to legal struggles over custody, and the hurtful manipulation that sometimes occurred:

  “And it's like point twist the kids against me and all that kind of merciness... just a lot of horrible, nasty stuff all because of a lot of trauma from her past and stuff.” ([23:01])

• Regretful, but philosophical: “Just when you're younger you just get with anything and anything for the sake of them and that. But you're not actually choosing to be with them, you're just choosing them just for the right. So that's the difference.” ([25:57])

4. Grit, Resilience, and Emotional Growth

• He’s had to process loss, lone parenting, and pain largely on his own:

  "My mum brought us up on her own so she was always working... she was just thinking, oh, he's okay. And then I'm just being a little shit at home, just bloody bringing all the meat around." ([15:32–15:45])

• On his father, whom he confronted after years of estrangement:

  “I needed to go and see him to understand what I needed to understand and then to be able to put it to bed because if I didn't, it'll still be playing on me... But it's a good thing.” ([21:14])

• Candid about the pain he hides:

  "People just would look at me and would think that I don't have an issue in my life. Hidden turmoils... fighting for my children and you wouldn't even know that I was doing it because it just how we were taught to be a man. It was don't show emotions." ([31:17–31:37])

5. Youth, Education, and Social Change

• Disillusioned with the lack of practical education and opportunities for youth today, contrasting it with his own era's youth clubs and social mobility.
• Would redesign education to focus on life skills:

  “I would also say like finances, how to invest your money, how to make your money, make you money, how to set up your own trust...” ([13:10–13:19])

• Notices how his children struggle with face-to-face interaction, preferring digital communication and shying from confrontation.

6. Coping with Stress: Solitude, Walking, and Meditation

• Long walks and eventually meditation helped him cope; he finds clarity and solutions outdoors ([02:44], [28:06]).
• Developed daily gratitude practices and mindfulness.

7. Spirituality & Manifestation

• Now considers himself spiritual (not religious), after loss and time for self-reflection:

  "There's got to be something inside. You call it the universe, the divine, whatever you may call it, whatever religion, Buddhist or whatever. There's that many religions out there. Yeah, I've gone from there and I think, oh, that's it." ([36:13])

• Successfully “manifested” Irish Lottery wins by visualizing numbers:

  “Me three numbers, me four Numbers with five numbers for the Irish lottery... I think I won six grand. Six and a half grand. Yeah. So off a tenner.” ([37:16])

• Recommends starting each morning listing 10 things for which you’re grateful ([44:21]).

8. Comedy & Memorable Moments

• Recalls his daughters painting his nails (“So the painting of my nails, they're doing all these little... gels and little dots... leopard prints... going to work with this on my fingers all day.” – [30:11])
• Banter about school skips, pretending the house “just stinks” to hide weed use ([12:03–12:26]).
• Philosophical and comedic one-liners:

  "Don't let the dick do the talking. If it is just the bag up and until you... it's left with someone that you choose to be with, it's like they're not just the." ([26:41]) "Young, dumb, full of come, aren't you? That's it, you're out with your mates." ([26:55])

9. Reflections, Regrets, and Hopes

• Sees meaning in past suffering:

  “All the trials and tribulations I've gone through and all that horrible nastiness was all meant for a reason and it's made me a better person. Going through it made me stronger minded and more caring and a loving person.” ([41:25])

• Looks to a future of holidays, new experiences, gratitude, contentment, and more time with grandchildren.

10. Closing Thoughts & The Power of Gratitude

• Ends with sharing his daily gratitude list, focusing on self-understanding and hope for others ([44:26–45:41]):

  “I'm grateful that even though I might not be able to see where I'm going or what lies ahead, I have faith that everything I desire is meant for me and will come to me.”

• Closing song (“Counting my reasons to smile”) encapsulates the episode’s spirit of finding pleasure in everyday blessings.

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Notable Quotes

• On Perspective & Priorities:

  "The number one priority you gotta do for yourself in life is put you first and then after you, everything else will flow nice. Do you know what I mean? Like a river." ([04:00])

• On Fatherhood:

  "When my daughter was on the way, that's when I need to get... I've got to change my life, step up. And I did." ([06:26])

• On Regret:

  "I needed to go and see him to understand what I needed to understand and then to be able to put it to bed..." ([21:14])

• On Gender Roles & Emotional Health:

  "It was don't show emotions, you deal with on your own, but it would affect me. So then I'll tear to drink and stuff and I get fucking pissed on a Friday..." ([31:31])

• On Manifestation:

  "It's easier to believe than disbelieve, isn't it? You believe you've got to stop." ([39:04])

• Funniest Philosophy:

  "Don't let the dick do the talking." ([26:41])

• On What’s Invisible:

  “All the pain and suffering I’ve had to deal with. People just would look at me and would think that I don't have an issue in my life.” ([31:17])

• On Forgiveness & Closure:

  “Once you understand something, you go, I understand. Still a piece of shit. I'll see you later. Do you know what I mean? But it's a good thing.” ([21:10])

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Memorable Segments & Timestamps

• [00:46] — Favorite day of the week, first jobs, and “Quality Plasterers.”
• [03:01–03:40] — The accident, health struggles, and lessons.
• [05:37–07:53] — Fatherhood, becoming a grandfather at 46, and family stories.
• [12:03–12:26] — Hilarious school skipping and ‘house just stinks’ stories.
• [21:10–21:50] — Confronting his absent father for closure.
• [26:41] — “Don’t let the dick do the talking.”
• [30:11] — Painted nails and worksite reactions.
• [37:16–38:33] — Manifesting the Irish Lottery.
• [44:21–45:41] — Morning gratitude ritual, read aloud.

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Tone & Style

This episode is raw, unfiltered, often funny, and teeming with Liverpudlian warmth. The guest’s openness invites empathy, while Tom’s gentle curiosity gives space for humor, vulnerability, and wisdom to emerge organically. Quotable lines are delivered with bushy wit and earthy candor.

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Summary

Episode 58 is a moving portrait of a stranger’s journey through hardship, transformation, and hope—peppered with laughter, parenting wisdom, spiritual musings, and colorful anecdotes. At its core, the episode is a testament to resilience, the healing power of gratitude, and the infinite stories that strangers are waiting to share, even on the simplest park bench.

Transcript

[Tom]

Hello. Sorry to bother you. Can I ask you a slightly odd question? I'm making a podcast called Strangers on a Bench, where essentially I talk to people I don't know on benches for 10 or 15 minutes. Are you up for that? Do you want to give it a go? What's your favorite day of the week?

[Podcast Guest]

It's a Friday.

[Tom]

But Perfect day. What happens on a Friday?

[Podcast Guest]

Payday, isn't it? That's why Friday is always a good day. Everyone works hard. Monday to Friday, get paid Friday and then that's it.

[Tom]

And then tell me what. What am I gonna.

[Podcast Guest]

Actually, what.

[Tom]

I'm just trying to think what we should do now. You know what I think. Let's just be honest about this. So I say, what's happened?

[Podcast Guest]

Yeah.

[Tom]

I've asked you about four or five questions, which you can't with lots of gold.

[Podcast Guest]

Yeah.

[Tom]

I then have realized I haven't got the record on properly. And so now we're trying to regurgitate last four or five questions.

[Podcast Guest]

Nice.

[Tom]

Painful, isn't it? Don't worry, we're still here.

[Podcast Guest]

We're still here.

[Tom]

We still got hope. The dream is alive.

[Podcast Guest]

We're living it, aren't we? We're here, aren't we? Exactly.

[Tom]

We're very lucky to be alive. Right, so first I asked you what your favorite day of the week was. You said Friday.

[Podcast Guest]

Friday.

[Tom]

You said Friday because it was your payday. Payday. And then I said, what? Do you remember getting your first.

[Podcast Guest]

Oh, yeah, paycheck.

[Tom]

Yeah, that's been plastering.

[Podcast Guest]

No, no, that was on a YTS when I was like, 16.

[Tom]

What's a YTS?

[Podcast Guest]

It's a young. Young trainee something. So we go on a course you get paid to do. Like it Skills, Retail mechanics. It's a way to get yourself into a job back in the day.

[Tom]

But then plastering came in.

[Podcast Guest]

Yeah, plastering came in about 10 years later or so. Me and my friend Paul, we were training, doing plastering, and we thought we was the bee's knees, but was. We f. We priced the job up. We thought, we're smashing in four days. It took us nearly two weeks. We're working for like 30, 40 pounds a day, looking at each other like, what have we done? Our name was Quality Plasterers, but we agree with the client, so we just got the job done. But also one of the lads, when we were thinking about names, one of the lads came up with PC Plasterers. We won't rob you. I never forget that because it makes me laugh every time I think about it. And you'd ask the boat. What does a weekend look like? To myself now, I'm just going on a nice walk, taking in the nature, taking in all the blessings around.

[Tom]

What are you thinking about when you're going for these walks?

[Podcast Guest]

Nothing clear in my mind.

[Tom]

Just pure clarity.

[Podcast Guest]

Just clear your mind. So if you've got something you need to deal with, just go on your walk and about after the walk, you'll have a solution to your problem.

[Tom]

Nice. What are your problems now?

[Podcast Guest]

Floody.

[Tom]

Hell, here we go.

[Podcast Guest]

Yeah, come on. No, just me health at the moment.

[Tom]

Oh, no.

[Podcast Guest]

Yeah. I've got a herniated disc.

[Tom]

Oh dear.

[Podcast Guest]

Yeah.

[Tom]

What does that mean?

[Podcast Guest]

It's the bulge on the disc in your spine. It's because I was in a car crash a while ago, so I'm still recovering from that. And I was all right after crash, like everyone was okay. And I woke up in the morning, think, oh, my next stiff thinking of, must have slept funny, went to work, picked a plasterboard above my head and that went straight back down. That was it. Not worked for a few years now, just on the mend. But it will come back. So it's just a waiting game. Recovery is the main thing.

[Tom]

You've not been able to work, do that work for a few years.

[Podcast Guest]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm on the men now, so I reckon a couple more molts in the Bahari.

[Tom]

How has this changed you as a person, this incident?

[Podcast Guest]

Cause I used to work very, very hard and I do a lot. I was always on the move, never had time, just always go, go, go, go. And I was just running myself ragged. And the time that I've had away from work, I've realised that the number one priority you gotta do for yourself in life is put you first and then after you, everything else will flow nice. Do you know what I mean? Like a river is nest. Or if you're good and you. Cause I. And then you're spreading that goodness that trickles down onto people around you.

[Tom]

Yeah, yeah.

[Podcast Guest]

So you gotta be more mindful.

[Tom]

That's it.

[Podcast Guest]

Yeah.

[Tom]

So you've been doing that?

[Podcast Guest]

Yeah, yeah. So for me now, I go for my walks, I go on my bike, I recenter myself. I have to learn a lot of stuff about myself.

[Tom]

What have you learned?

[Podcast Guest]

Just how I was and not had how impatient I was. Cause I was always like on the go. Like we gotta earn money going to work. There's always a reason why you gotta do what you gotta do in life, isn't there?

[Tom]

Completely.

[Podcast Guest]

Yeah. No matter if it's work or whatever.

[Tom]

Is it hard to like put that down though, for the energy you give off? You've got a lot of kind of boss energy. You're like someone that just like gets.

[Podcast Guest]

Up and like done. Yeah, definitely. It's made me to hear with people differently because everybody's not like me as in they haven't got the focus I've got. They haven't got like the understanding. Yeah. So. And then with myself, as you're saying, taking time out for myself has made me realize I just need to take a step back. It's not all on me because I used to have people work and if they didn't turn up, I'll cover the work. But I'm doing more weight than I need to do. So that's had an impact on my health, as in I've had operation on my shoulder, all sorts. But if I weren't putting that extra pressure on myself, I might not have needed an operation on my shoulder because I'm doing too much. Not realize I'm doing too much.

[Tom]

But I think it takes something to break, isn't it for you to realize.

[Podcast Guest]

Yes.

[Tom]

You don't know until something snaps.

[Podcast Guest]

Yeah. Because you just, you don't realize why you are the way you are. Like let me track back a bit. So when I used to meet ex partner the twins mother just live with me.

[Tom]

Wait a sec. You need to fill people in about the older twins. Your twins and all the children actually. All the children because we. Because you're a grandfather.

[Podcast Guest]

Yes, I'm a grandfather and I think.

[Tom]

The youngest grandfather definitely that we've had on this on any 46. Yeah, I know. You're so young.

[Podcast Guest]

It's the oil of you like to rub off my mother.

[Tom]

Amazing. I mean if you, if, if you told me you're a grand. I would just have been. No, no way is that guy grandfather.

[Podcast Guest]

I've had it with two of my oldest daughter shopping for a new bed, for a new home.

[Tom]

Yeah.

[Podcast Guest]

And I've all I've ordered the baby and walked into the shop and then the women that worked there thought that I was her partner and she goes, oh yeah, that's me. That's my dad. Stop me fellas. Me dad. They're horrified and they go oh, your dad looks very young.

[Tom]

I mean you are. I mean I'm not surprised. I thought it might happen all the time to you.

[Podcast Guest]

Oh, I don't know. I don't really bother with women, mate. Not worth it after months anyway. But yeah, you was asking about my children so we talked about my eldest daughter. When she was on her way, I got into doing landscape gardening, and then it changed into plastering. Because before then it's just going through life, no purpose, nothing. But when my daughter was on the way, that's when I need to get. Yeah. I've got to change my life, step up. And I did. I got into plastering. I've been plastering for over 20 years. And people work for me, my own business, a lot. Everything stemmed from.

[Tom]

You're a boss.

[Podcast Guest]

Yeah.

[Tom]

You're a big boss.

[Podcast Guest]

Yes.

[Tom]

Grandfather and boss.

[Podcast Guest]

Yes. And everything.

[Tom]

Package.

[Podcast Guest]

Total package.

[Tom]

Absolutely love that. So first daughter changed your life.

[Podcast Guest]

Yeah. And then my second daughter came four or five years later, and then when I got with another woman after their mother.

[Tom]

So this is the different mother?

[Podcast Guest]

Mother, yes. Got with her, she got pregnant. I didn't want any more children. But then she blagged me out going, you had a good dad. You're such a good dad. Now I want to have a baby and you could have a son and how much you wanted a son. So she lured me in with the real there, and I was like, feel.

[Tom]

Free to take it if you want. No, no, this is edited anyway. You can edit it out. Hello.

[Podcast Guest]

I'll just give you a very quick call to tell you a few things.

[Tom]

All right.

[Podcast Guest]

What's up? Nothing. Great. Oh, good. He's still coming for the massage. I reckon I'm gonna want to see you after, but I'm not sure what time it'll be. Not a problem. Of course I'm free. Yeah. So feel free to stay over. Okay. Just on the. Just on the bench, doing a podcast.

[Tom]

Hi.

[Podcast Guest]

What'S your name?

[Tom]

Oh, it's Tom.

[Podcast Guest]

Tom. Oh, my God. Why didn't you tell me that first? Oh, no, it's because it's not funny. It's just nothing. Us. It's fine. Oh, sorry to waste your time, Tom. Having a great time. We're having a great time.

[Tom]

Fine.

[Podcast Guest]

What we.

[Tom]

Go Strangers on a Bench. Yeah.

[Podcast Guest]

That's why we started talking. It's like, can you have a Strangers on the Bench? Said, yeah, go ahead, mate, sit down, let's have a chat. And then we didn't. He didn't press the record button. And we had loads of Golden Cop. We had boss Comedy gold. I'm recording it. Yeah. You're looking beautiful there, you know, you look gorgeous.

[Tom]

You look amazing.

[Podcast Guest]

I can't wait to see you. Mina can. I really can't. Right, come on. Nice. Come on. So very upset.

[Tom]

Sorry, who's that there's?

[Podcast Guest]

Someone I'm seeing. Just sounds with you. It's really good.

[Tom]

Fantastic. No, no more babies, though.

[Podcast Guest]

No, no, no, no, no, we've got that one. Agreed. Yeah. So we're talking about the twins, Mum. So when she reeled me in, thinking I could have a son and then a mum and dad's twin. So then we're outside the the room for the ultrasound and then we goes inside, and then she goes, oh, there's the baby. And I goes, oh, what's that there? She goes, oh, you think she'd have a twin? She goes, you know, congratulations. And then she was in tears, looking like a ninja because she had a fake tan on. We didn't lie until I had to. Sad. And then I got blanked again, going in. Well, in our family, it's a boy, girl, twin. So you're definitely going to have a son, but no, I end up with two beautiful daughters, which I wouldn't change for the world.

[Tom]

Four daughters.

[Podcast Guest]

Four daughters and a grandson.

[Tom]

Did you ever think you have four? I mean, when you were. I don't know.

[Podcast Guest]

I only had fours. I had one daughter. One child. Yeah, that was the one.

[Tom]

And you had four?

[Podcast Guest]

I had four.

[Tom]

I've got two daughters.

[Podcast Guest]

Right.

[Tom]

Lots of people ask me, you know, did you ever want a son?

[Podcast Guest]

Yeah.

[Tom]

And those kind of things. So what, what is your opinion now of all that?

[Podcast Guest]

Yeah, I'd love to have a son. It's just that you can install everything that you've grown up as a man into that. That little boy, isn't it? That's you, isn't it? Just a little mini version of you and her.

[Tom]

Cloning yourself, that's what everyone really wants, isn't it?

[Podcast Guest]

Yeah.

[Tom]

It's kind of quite selfish, isn't it, to want to clone it yourself? It's much better to have something different, probably.

[Podcast Guest]

No, but it's more the case.

[Tom]

No one could be you. No one could be you.

[Podcast Guest]

No, no. But it's just like to see that in a child and your little boy, it's like, yeah, just give him all the things that you don't receive.

[Tom]

But also, you're so fresh and so young that you'll have, like, loads of grandsons.

[Podcast Guest]

No.

[Tom]

Will that be similar?

[Podcast Guest]

Ish. No, no, because a grandchild and your child's different.

[Tom]

So do all the four children never come, Never in the same room, or is they all quite different?

[Podcast Guest]

Yeah. No, no. Years ago, not now, but previously, yet. No, they were all very close. Yeah. And they were very good. All of them are very good. All My daughters, the four daughters of my niece to all help each other like education wise and all that.

[Tom]

How beautiful.

[Podcast Guest]

Yeah. Like me daughter, she's the first person to go to university in our family, she's studying law. But then me, my niece, she's 16 and she's like oh I can't wait to go to university. I wonder when I'm going to study and stuff. And that's, that's them little thing that's.

[Tom]

Inspiring that she set the way, showing.

[Podcast Guest]

The path to achieve what she wants in life.

[Tom]

That's beautiful.

[Podcast Guest]

Yeah.

[Tom]

All your kids are geniuses basically. Is that what you're saying?

[Podcast Guest]

No, no, no, no.

[Tom]

Was it from you?

[Podcast Guest]

No, not from me. I'm bloody frick as pig shit in school. I was never Hardy Days.

[Tom]

What were you like at school?

[Podcast Guest]

Rubbish. I've never done.

[Tom]

If you think of a core memory from school, what would you think of?

[Podcast Guest]

I used to go sell weed in school and sag off with all my mates and go back to my hand and we'd all be playing on FIFA, getting stoned all day before my mum come home from work. Mum would also come in half free so I would leave her free, spray the air fresh and everywhere and just walk and then come back like. You just come from school? Yeah. Hi.

[Tom]

Did you believe it?

[Podcast Guest]

She never, she never knew.

[Tom]

I don't know how she never knew.

[Podcast Guest]

She never knew. I don't know how. We must just think that the house just stinks.

[Tom]

A wee bit of school though. Must have known.

[Podcast Guest]

Oh yeah. No, in the end the, the school come to, gone back to and said please come to school. I didn't go for over a year. I just used to think I can't be asked.

[Tom]

Do you think if you could have just like invented an education for yourself, what would you have done instead?

[Podcast Guest]

Ah, do you know what? I spoke to the guy the other week and he was in like for someone who having difficulties and he learned through his school life skills.

[Tom]

Okay.

[Podcast Guest]

I think. What did he say? Say spend an afternoon twice a week like learning painting and decorating, bit of tiling, bit of joinery, bit of woodwork and all them little life skills to help them further on in life rather than it would me and you wouldn't have a clue about painting, decorations.

[Tom]

Of course.

[Podcast Guest]

Yeah. And I would also say like finances, how to invest your money, how to make your money, make you money, how to set up your own trust and. Yeah, definitely.

[Tom]

So that's what you'd have in your school.

[Podcast Guest]

Yeah. Like understanding stock market. What actually helps making money not be a slave to work because people just like a 9 to 5 job Monday to Friday and just about making ends meets, they don't have much luxuries and everything that they do have to save a long time to go on holiday with the family for a car or clothes or stuff. Some people just about living, they have nothing spare and just living. That's why there's so many food banks popped up over the years and like all these problems that the government put in place like the bedroom taxes and all this and all that ever tax, tax, tax, but we get nothing to show for our taxes. You know, I've worked most of my bloody life and you know the government's taken more and more and they're putting less and less into communities. So when I was younger there's about six, if not more seven youth clubs everywhere and all them youth clubs would have avenues for people, for higher education, for work experience. There was ways to get into, into the fire service and stuff with these options and avenues were there for young people and all that stuff's gone now. So I don't think the youth nowadays is lost because they don't have social interactions the way we used to. Like my daughter, she doesn't like talking to people face to face. She prefers to send a text or. Yeah, she doesn't like confrontation. If there's something wrong in the restaurant she won't say nothing, she'll just accept it. And very, very quiet like thingy at times. Yeah. But another time she's loud as fuck. Just gotta be around the right people, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, I suppose it's like anything what you feel comfortable in doing and saying, isn't it?

[Tom]

So when did you first feel that you were like. So obviously at school difficult time and not difficult as you just didn't go like if school didn't get you interested in things, was there a person, was there a moment that got you interested in stuff, got you going just to make money. Just money.

[Podcast Guest]

Just money, yeah, to get money, to be able to just have what you want. I suppose so that was my drive and things. So nice clothes, go out with your friends, have to go for meals and drinks and partying and. And then as I got older it's more the case in the terms of the family then, doesn't it for the household and all that sort of thing.

[Tom]

So your parents didn't really notice. Does that mean that they, they weren't super interested?

[Podcast Guest]

No, no, it was more the case off as my mum brought us up on her own so she was always working. So she was always that busy. Yeah, that she was working. So she was just thinking, oh, he's okay. And then I'm just being a little shit at home, just bloody bringing all the meat around. Used to be like 10 of us. 10 in the bedroom. Especially in the evenings. Like 10 of us, we're all blazing. But we used to have a laugh. There used to be loads of us used to have a laugh. Really good.

[Tom]

Where are you now? Could you all do it again?

[Podcast Guest]

No, mate, he's doing life.

[Tom]

Oh, okay.

[Podcast Guest]

Okay. So. And then the mates are just doing what they're doing in life. Some people are just weird.

[Tom]

Is that a good friend?

[Podcast Guest]

Yeah, yeah. From nursery. We went to infants, juniors, seniors and yeah, I've known him, really.

[Tom]

And it all went wrong.

[Podcast Guest]

It did, yeah. Yeah, Shamely, it did. He had a lot going for himself but he ended up on the gear and stuff and he got himself clean. I tried to help him. He'd done bits of work with me and then he's just reverted back to doing whatever. He's on the gear, whatever. And then he's had some sort of argument or someone fight with some guy and he's. He's beat him up, that body, fractured his skull and stuff like that with his. Only with his hands. But yeah, and then he's got life for that. Yeah, but that'll be drug and fuel and stuff. I don't know the full story, but it's a shame because he is a good lad and he had a lot potential when he was younger to achieve a great lot because he was a good person.

[Tom]

Do you miss those days of being 16 or 10 of you in a room somewhere?

[Podcast Guest]

Oh, yeah. Well, life was fucking carefree.

[Tom]

Yeah.

[Podcast Guest]

20 quid was like having 100 pound back then. Nowadays it's 100 pounds. Like 20 quid. That's what it is, isn't it? Yeah, Goes nowhere. You go into Asad or Tesco's, whatever, you're coming out with one bag of shopping. What the. That.

[Tom]

Different game, isn't it? You mentioned mom.

[Podcast Guest]

Oh, yeah.

[Tom]

Where's dad?

[Podcast Guest]

Mom and dad, they had split up.

[Tom]

What age were you in this bit?

[Podcast Guest]

Up? I'm not quite sure. When I was about 7 or so, maybe younger.

[Tom]

Remember anything of that?

[Podcast Guest]

No, not really. All I remember seeing my dad when he could be bothered and stuff. Had his own stuff going on and his own issues, as I find out later, because you don't understand what people.

[Tom]

Are going through until later on. What did you find out later on then?

[Podcast Guest]

It Was just really struggling with the separation from your mom and stuff. And then he was drinking and stuff. And he's just more trying to muddle through life and in the same time just not seeing us. But it's just one of them.

[Tom]

You feel like you missed out a bit. We're seeing him. I mean, do you feel that you got enough of him?

[Podcast Guest]

No. I would say that before I was a teenager, I needed him more in my life then, just to show how a man's supposed to be in life, but instead.

[Tom]

So who taught you that then?

[Podcast Guest]

Myself. Yeah. Yeah. So I just taught myself.

[Tom]

You must have had some kind of role model. You.

[Podcast Guest]

I mean, you must have someone watching Arnie and Sly.

[Tom]

Terminator and Rambo. Dad, what's the. What's the key message from. From those films?

[Podcast Guest]

Just when you get knocked down, you keep getting up, keep going.

[Tom]

So you genuinely learned from those films?

[Podcast Guest]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. As in, like, as, you know, as a man's got to be, like, a certain way, you know, you can't be an. You can't go. Don't never bully anybody. Always stand up for bullies. I can't. I hate bullies.

[Tom]

Yeah. Were you ever bullied?

[Podcast Guest]

No, no. Only from my mother, boy. And that's a definite.

[Tom]

God.

[Podcast Guest]

Yeah.

[Tom]

Really, though?

[Podcast Guest]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tom]

What do you mean by that?

[Podcast Guest]

That's another stash.

[Tom]

Oh, is it? You know what I'm talking about.

[Podcast Guest]

No, sure.

[Tom]

Yeah.

[Podcast Guest]

But as I was saying, it's more the case from them films is loyalty, respect. I've got your back, you have my back. Someone chats shit behind my back, you're in the room, you don't allow it because I won't allow it. That sort of thing. Yeah, that's what I grew up on. Yeah.

[Tom]

That makes a lot of sense. So where did your dad end up? At what point did he ever come back into your life? At any point?

[Podcast Guest]

No. I went to try and see him last year about issues had gone on. I wanted to find out why he'd let us down and stuff like that.

[Tom]

How's that meeting?

[Podcast Guest]

Like? It was good, but it's just something that needed. Needed to be said and to get out in the air. So it was unanswered questions. So I got me. I asked and I've got an answer. Yeah. So then that part was relief that was gone.

[Tom]

Good on you for asking, because a lot of people, I think, just, you know, sit with these things, but don't actually go and confront. So how did you. How did you. When you first approached me you say, look, dad, questions for you or did you just say that I want to see you?

[Podcast Guest]

No, no. Knocked on his door.

[Tom]

Oh, just cold.

[Podcast Guest]

Yeah. Just knocked on his dust. Knocked on his door.

[Tom]

And how long had you not seen him for up to that point? I mean, what was the distance?

[Podcast Guest]

Good, good. Few years, at least six years maybe.

[Tom]

Long time.

[Podcast Guest]

Yeah. And he told me, goes, you know, it didn't work out, this, that, the other. And then as I was speaking to him, I found out that he had cancer off the throat.

[Tom]

So now or.

[Podcast Guest]

Yeah, now, now. Now he's got cancer. Well, he had cancer, the throat. I don't know whether he's got it at the moment still or not. And then I, afterwards I said, okay, I was keeping a contact scene when he was going for his treatments and stuff. I tried to make plans to go and see him. I said to reconnect. And he doesn't want to because. Yeah, he doesn't just leave it because. Because now he understands what the impact of him not being in my life, how it affected me. I think that hurts him more than anything. So I'm just a reminder of him. Him being a. A letdown, him not being a man, him not being a father. Oh God, yeah.

[Tom]

So he doesn't even want to attempt to make that right?

[Podcast Guest]

No, no. So I just thought, leave him, get on with it. I don't need to speak to them. I'm a grown ass man now. I don't need nothing from. I just needed. Don't need the answers to the unanswered questions that I've always had as a child growing up, not feeling adequate enough or whatever it may be sort of thing, but which is a good thing. And then that was it. Yeah. Got on with life. Yeah. Yeah.

[Tom]

That's a lot, isn't it? I mean, do you at all regret going to see him?

[Podcast Guest]

No, no, no. Needed to. I needed to go and see him to understand what I needed to understand and then to be able to put it to bed because if I didn't, they'll still be playing on me because any traumas or any stuff that happens to you in your life, which is bad, you still hold it inside your body until you release it, either by communicating with the other party or something to understand why the thing happened. And then once you understand something, you go, I understand. Still a piece of shit. I'll see you later. Do you know what I mean? But it's a good thing.

[Tom]

If he would have turned around and gone. You know what? Actually I do want to make oh.

[Podcast Guest]

Yeah, we would have.

[Tom]

Yeah, you would have been up for that.

[Podcast Guest]

You would have been keen.

[Tom]

Would you get on? I mean, like, obviously he's treated you badly and poorly and not been a good father. Right. But just in between those times of just being with him and chatting, can you see him, you getting on with him, like, you know what I mean?

[Podcast Guest]

Oh, we always got on.

[Tom]

Yeah, you always got on.

[Podcast Guest]

Yeah, we always got on. Never had a problem. There's only one time we've had an argument and I just put the phone down on him. But other than that, no. I was at a great time with my dad. Used to go to all the classic car shows, stuff like that, days out. So I've got all them good memories and all these good things and I just hoping to reconnect and maybe go and do them again, you know what I mean? Or find other things to build memories and it just not possible. So I'll just do that with someone else.

[Tom]

What mistakes do you make as a.

[Podcast Guest]

Dad, you reckon choosing the mothers that I've got kids to.

[Tom]

Okay, right, so you've got difficult relationships.

[Podcast Guest]

Yeah, yeah. So I've had to go to court, fighting for my children, all that sort of thing, all that nonsense.

[Tom]

Okay.

[Podcast Guest]

And it's like point twist the kids against me and all that kind of merciness. Yeah, just.

[Tom]

Is that so? I would be just a blunt question, but like, obviously it takes two to tango. What blame do you put on yourself for any of that? I know it's a two get.

[Podcast Guest]

No, no, I think from that instinct it was more the case of the mothers. Because if I don't want them no more and the only way they can hurt me is through the kids filling the kids head with shite and manipulating them and upsetting them.

[Tom]

So this sounds very stressful.

[Podcast Guest]

Oh, it was.

[Tom]

How'd you deal with this stress at that time?

[Podcast Guest]

I wasn't dealing with it.

[Tom]

Okay.

[Podcast Guest]

I was just like, just putting, just burying it. So my first kid's mother was what happened with the courts? We agreed to 50, 50 stuff. And she was not allowed to come anywhere near me, having contact with me or anything, or going to communicate through my mother, her mother to my mother. That's how it used to be. And then she come to my home unannounced, kicking off, banging on my door and just causing loads of drama. And then she made a false allegation against me that I assaulted it. But it didn't. It was all just manipulation to get the control of the kids and all that. There's a lot A lot of horrible, nasty stuff all because of a lot of trauma from her past and stuff. Yeah, well, people have trauma. Doesn't make you turn you into a bad person. Only you let it become a bad person. Isn't it?

[Tom]

I mean, just to play devil's advocate, what does she say about you? Just so we could be fair?

[Podcast Guest]

Oh yeah, no, she'll say, she'll say I'm horrible and this, that the other that she'll call me all the cunts going everything on the horrible.

[Tom]

There's just a lot of animosity on both sides.

[Podcast Guest]

Yeah. But the thing is, if I phone her, I can phone her right now and she'll come see me right now.

[Tom]

Really?

[Podcast Guest]

Yeah.

[Tom]

Why would she come?

[Podcast Guest]

Cuz she sees me laughing that off. I'm her soulmate. I haven't slept with her for over 15 years and she goes, I, I still think about the sex that we used to have and all that. I'm like, she says that now? Yeah, she said that now. Now, now, now 15 years after 15 years after, I'm like, what the fuck?

[Tom]

How are the children affected by all this though?

[Podcast Guest]

Badly. Yeah, yeah, badly. Emotionally scarred in different ways. So quietness, aggressiveness and that's just pain and hate from somewhere, isn't it? That's what comes out. Yeah. So Devnoth thingy, it's not very good.

[Tom]

It's still got a lot to. No wonder you got a spike circle around.

[Podcast Guest]

Exactly. To de stress. So you don't make sense.

[Tom]

It all makes sense at the end.

[Podcast Guest]

And that's why when I've at when I said I was in the crash and I'm not going to work for two years. Yeah, it's in them two years I've had the time to reflect about time to understand. I've time to process a lot of things that I wasn't processing.

[Tom]

Where do you think like. So obviously you said to me I've made a big mistake choosing the mothers that I chose but in that time reflect I'm interested. Like you think you've made any other mistakes that you regret?

[Podcast Guest]

None that I regret.

[Tom]

It's just that a first choice.

[Podcast Guest]

No, no, no. I think it's more the cases. So when you're younger you just get with anything and anything for the sake of them and that. But you're not actually choosing to be with them, you're just choosing them just for the right. So that's the difference. And when you choose a woman because you want to be with her, that's a completely different kind of thing.

[Tom]

You feel you didn't choose people because you wanted to be with them?

[Podcast Guest]

No. So just a fuck. They were just there. So it's just a need. I've got a scratch. There you go. Scratch that. Like that.

[Tom]

But the children then were still planned, though. No, they weren't.

[Podcast Guest]

None of them were planned. None of them were planned. So it's like, oh, I'm pregnant.

[Tom]

They're basically.

[Podcast Guest]

And then she got pregnant and then it's like, right, it's okay. Like, even me first, I was like, I don't want no children. Then when you've sat down, I thought, we'll have the baby. Then it's like, okay, how can we move forward with this plan?

[Tom]

So the moral of the story is basically, don't let the dick do the talking.

[Podcast Guest]

Yeah, don't let the dick do the talking. If it is just the bag up and until you. It's left with someone that you choose to be with, it's like they're not just the.

[Tom]

So you feel like if you started your life again, now I'll choose a.

[Podcast Guest]

Woman for the right reasons. So when you're younger, when you're like 18, 19, 20, whatever, just young, dumb, full of come, aren't you? That's it, you're out with your mates.

[Tom]

Oats bold and full of mold.

[Podcast Guest]

I don't know about the mold. Yell. Maybe a bit of arthritis, but not no mold.

[Tom]

What do you think the rest of your life's going to be like?

[Podcast Guest]

What?

[Tom]

What are you hoping for?

[Podcast Guest]

The rest of my life is going to be the way I always wanted it to be. So going away with the woman I was speaking to before and moving forward. I just want to be going on holiday as much as I possibly can and enjoying everything that life got to offer. All the goodness, good people, good company, good food, good memories, nice experiences, new that I haven't tried before. Like when I was going through my turmoil to meditate and going on walks and stuff to help me massively because I used to have so much going through my head. Meditating helped me clear my mind.

[Tom]

Interesting.

[Podcast Guest]

You're going for a walk.

[Tom]

I can't picture you meditating. Oh, you just got so much energy. I don't know how you would. I don't know how you would do it. Like, I'm just seeing you, like, just bouncing around.

[Podcast Guest]

No, that's me. You gotta sense yourself and just take yourself inwards and just breathe.

[Tom]

Do you want to be like, obviously a grandfather now of one. Touch wood. There'll probably be some more grandchildren. Do you Want to do anything different as a granddad than you did as a dad?

[Podcast Guest]

No, I think because it'd be completely different. So I'm watching it do similar things, what I've done with my children. Like he used to always do all the homework, the read and the writing and all the spelling, all that sort of thing. Because education's very important. So I install that in them. I'll do the same thing with him. Yeah, but then it'd be more. That's not my responsibility. That's my daughter. So I'll have it more. I mean, the way we're going out. Come on, let's go.

[Tom]

Granddad, that's going fishing.

[Podcast Guest]

Let's go on a bike ride. Let's put the climb some rocks.

[Tom]

Are you good at fishing?

[Podcast Guest]

I'm not good at fishing, but I could cast the rod. It don't have to be good, you.

[Tom]

Just have to hold the rod.

[Podcast Guest]

No, no, it's not about actual fishing. It's about the spending the time together, having conversations where you can install stuff in a young man or a young woman's mind to be still present in the moment and take in what's going on. Cuz there's that much going on in society. That much. Especially with children. There's that much with social media and all this to get bombarded like everybody, even as adults, you get mentally overloaded, of course.

[Tom]

And you're worried about your kids, you know, with social media stuff as well.

[Podcast Guest]

Right? Yeah, because I think especially young girls, all the makeup stuff and they think social media is real and it's not. It's all fake, it's all filters. They're getting paid to do it. They're getting paid for this. And that's what kids are aspiring to.

[Tom]

Have you ever put makeup on?

[Podcast Guest]

No, I've had makeup on me after someone's kissing me or on my bed and you're like, look at the states and sheets. That fake tan's everywhere. That's about it. But no, never wore makeup. And I have no intention of wearing makeup. I've had nail varnish on.

[Tom]

That's nice.

[Podcast Guest]

Yeah, they've had me daughters.

[Tom]

What color?

[Podcast Guest]

You had the old multiple color. So what it was. I was with this woman, we were there and they're all, they're just doing all the nails and stuff and all the glitter came out and all this sort of thing and they're going, daddy, will you do your nails? I went, go on. Then they're all dead excited. Really? Really. Daddy, can we do your nails? And then. Yeah, you can all paint one each. So the painting of my nails, they're doing all these little, I don't know, gels and little dots of color in, so it makes black just like leopard prints and all this. They were made up with themselves. They had it all over my fingers and everything. And then the next day I was getting the nail varnish off, but didn't realize I had to still on to my fingers. So I'm going with somewhere plastered a six foot two bloody 18 stone, going, all right, love, there's me with my two little fingers painted perfect. And no one said, not, not a single word. Really liked it. Nothing in work with this on my fingers all day. Yeah, but that was it. Yeah. It's the only bit of makeup I've had on. Beautiful.

[Tom]

What do you think is invisible about you?

[Podcast Guest]

Oh, invisible. Oh, all the pain and suffering I've had to deal with. People just would look at me and would think that I don't have an issue in my life. Hidden turmoils in life that I was dealing with. So at one point, I think I've had about six people, maybe more. How many people have had on the job? Say about minimum, about six people. The worries I'll be thinking about, right? I've got to make sure the money is getting paid in the end of the week so I can pay everyone's wage. It's going to have people on my back, stuff like that. So it'll be all them kind of stresses and stuff and just a lot of pain. So, like fighting for my children and you wouldn't even know that I was doing it because it just how we were taught to be a man. It was don't show emotions you deal with on your own, but it would affect me. So then I'll tear to drink and stuff and I get fucking pissed on a Friday and I get myself together on a Saturday and in that sort of vicious cycle where you think drinking alcohol helping you with escapism. For me, thinking and drugs was emotional release because I wasn't. What's the word? I don't think I was shown how to convey my emotions as a man.

[Tom]

Do you wish, you know, looking back, do you wish you would have been more honest?

[Podcast Guest]

No. No.

[Tom]

Really?

[Podcast Guest]

Yeah. Because when I've tried to speak to people to give you the wrong advice.

[Tom]

Oh, really?

[Podcast Guest]

Yeah. It's like, what you'd ask for them and all this. No, no, I want to see my children more as a man. You just. You just go, yeah, I'm having issues. And you don't. You don't go in depth with that conversation because as a man, you don't want to start telling people what's going on your personal life, because then it's classed as a weakness. And if you divulge into something, are they laughing and joking behind your back? Are they sniggering behind you? Are they going to use that against you?

[Tom]

So who do you. Who do you talk to? Surely you had a person you would know. Myself, really?

[Podcast Guest]

Yep.

[Tom]

Not one. Not one, really.

[Podcast Guest]

So it'll be.

[Tom]

Isn't that a lot to keep that all just to yourself?

[Podcast Guest]

Well, that's why I had to go through. Through therapy. So I had to go through. What's it called. So when I was trying to get off the sniff, I was trying to do counseling, not to counsel. And he went to session three times. I stopped and touched her for years. And then later on, as I've had more difficulties in life and I've reverted back to drinking drugs because I can't deal what's going on, because I didn't have the emotional capacity or the thought of how to progress going forward or how to deal with stuff. Because if I spoke to somebody, if I opened up to somebody, all their answer would be is fuck them. Let their mother take care of them. And I'm not down. I'm a father and I just. Sleeping with, having meanness sex bores me. I don't want meanness sex. I want something. I want a relationship. I want to spend a life.

[Tom]

I want intimacy.

[Podcast Guest]

Yeah, I want intimacy. That's what it is. You want intimacy, not sex. Yeah. And that's one of the hardest things to find is connection, intimacy and feeling safe with somebody that you can open up and talk to them. But I've had that in the past in relationships where you open up to somebody and whatever you've told them, you're divulging them to use as a weapon to get at you. Do you know what I mean? So, yeah, it's not.

[Tom]

So you never really had the kind of male friend who could be that in that role.

[Podcast Guest]

No. I've got a friend there who's like my brother, who can talk to. But it's like you can only talk to certain people about certain issues. For instance, I can only talk to you about work, but then I can go and talk to somebody else about spirituality. But if I try and talk to you about spirituality, it's going to go over your head. Do you know what I mean?

[Tom]

Right over it.

[Podcast Guest]

Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Go right over it.

[Tom]

I Don't understand spirituality.

[Podcast Guest]

No, no, but. So you've got.

[Tom]

Are you spiritual?

[Podcast Guest]

I would say, yeah. Spiritual.

[Tom]

Talk to me about spirituality.

[Podcast Guest]

Well, no, it's either. You can call it God the creator divine, the universe. It's some sort of higher power or something.

[Tom]

I like it so that yours is so a higher force.

[Podcast Guest]

Yeah. So for instance, me when I was younger, I used to go to the church and all the rest of it. Hated church, especially on a Sunday. I just want to watch the fucking telly in the mornings.

[Tom]

So they convinced you to go to church?

[Podcast Guest]

Not to go? No, Got dragged to church. Got dragged to church. There was no saying the matter. There's no saying.

[Tom]

I couldn't reconcile the kid who didn't go to school but had to go to church.

[Podcast Guest]

Nine year old or eight year old? Nine year old. You got dragged to church every Sunday. No matter what you couldn't escape. No matter if you begged and pleaded, no, you're going to church. I did believe in God up until my cousin passed away. I think she was 29 and she left two children behind. She was in remission of cancer. When she went in, she was complaining about breathing. The hospital made a weight in the ane rather than rushing her through. She had pneumonia on her lungs and if they would have rushed her through, she'd still be here today. So to me, why would God, if there is a God, take this person that was amazing to do anything for everybody, massive heart, and they took that person away. And she was the only person that if she was still alive, that's the only person I would have spoken to. The only person no one else besides her spoken to. In what sense I then to speak to her about what's going on.

[Tom]

So you were close?

[Podcast Guest]

Very close. It's like my big sister. So it'd be a case of she'd always stand up for me with no hesitation, nothing. If I had an issue, she'd always be there like that, just very supportive and. Yeah. And then after that she passed away. And then time's gone on and then you think, well, there might not be a God, but there's got to be something inside. You call it the universe, the divine, whatever you may call it, whatever religion, Buddhist or whatever. There's that many religions out there. Yeah, I've gone from there and I think, oh, that's it. So my sister got me onto this book. So I read Dash goes about manifest and the universe. So then I was doing that. I had like envision it in my mind and stuff. Me three numbers, me four Numbers with five numbers for the Irish lottery. And then what was it? The day before my birthday, I'd done a lucky dip. I'd done ten pound lucky dip. What did I win on one? I think I won six grand. Six and a half grand. Yeah. So off a tenner.

[Tom]

Amazing. What you're saying here is you've been manifesting the numbers for the Irish.

[Podcast Guest]

Yeah. Three numbers. Yeah. Four numbers. Yeah. And then just. And keep saying yourself. Yeah. What will be, will be.

[Tom]

Do most people manifest like? I mean, I normally think of manifesting as in like, oh, I really want to, you know, become this. Or what would you perceive what if.

[Podcast Guest]

You'Re manifesting to become what?

[Tom]

I don't know.

[Podcast Guest]

There you go. No, you can't, you can't give an example without a proper example to manifest. So come on. No, no, Tom, might manifest what you want.

[Tom]

I don't know, you might manifest like something. I know, I don't know. Like, what would you like in your lifetime? Oh, like, like the, you know, like particularly great strangers on a bench or whatever. You know what I mean?

[Podcast Guest]

Oh, no, no, come on.

[Tom]

I probably wouldn't.

[Podcast Guest]

Like, what would you like in your life? What would you like if you could create something now? What would you like? Would you want your podcast to become massive?

[Tom]

No.

[Podcast Guest]

Would you want.

[Tom]

It's already quite big.

[Podcast Guest]

Okay, I'll pack it in. Tom, I don't swing that way.

[Tom]

That's it. That's it.

[Podcast Guest]

What would you like to manifest in my life?

[Tom]

What would I manifest?

[Podcast Guest]

What would you manipulate in your life? What was. Like, what would you like in your life to manifest in your life? So from sometimes me, I'll just be peace, calm.

[Tom]

And the numbers as well.

[Podcast Guest]

Oh yeah.

[Tom]

Is it the same thinking? Is it like.

[Podcast Guest]

Yeah, it's just repetitive sort of thing or you're just putting tent out into universe. So I'd always like repeat the numbers in my mind and stuff. You know, anytime I've needed something big to come in, money wise, it's always coming. My health's improving. We're manifesting that and getting back to our wars, mentally and physically. And that's all coming into play now. Yeah, it really is. But it's easier to believe than disbelieve, isn't it? You believe you've got to stop.

[Tom]

It's better to believe.

[Podcast Guest]

Yeah. And if you believe, if it's a possibility, if this can happen, and then you have the faith that's going to happen, that then it draws it to you.

[Tom]

Who are these guys, by the way? Is that police?

[Podcast Guest]

Yeah, it's the police on quad bikes.

[Tom]

Oh, yeah, that's a new one.

[Podcast Guest]

Yeah. Because everyone's drinking in here or something. Oh, because. Because what it is, there's a one extra thing going on.

[Tom]

Oh, I see. There's a concert.

[Podcast Guest]

Yeah, it's a concert going on there on Saturday.

[Tom]

It's quite funny then. My little Red is that little tiny quad bike.

[Podcast Guest]

It doesn't adjust like the tiny. Aren't they? They're assholes anyway, then. Can't stand the police.

[Tom]

Not a police fan.

[Podcast Guest]

No. I was a fucking police at school.

[Tom]

Do you ever get in? Have you ever been in trouble?

[Podcast Guest]

Yeah.

[Tom]

How many times?

[Podcast Guest]

Too many fake hounds last time. Two years ago.

[Tom]

What was it? What for?

[Podcast Guest]

Swilling. Isn't he lovely? Oh, she lovely.

[Tom]

Did you say swilling?

[Podcast Guest]

Yeah, swilling. Some barman.

[Tom]

What is. I don't know what swilling means. I think it's swelling. Is that you're tasting like fine wine tasting.

[Podcast Guest]

Oh, no, no, no. You're in Liverpool.

[Tom]

Yeah.

[Podcast Guest]

In this case, not the fin. No, no, no. Not the fine. No, no. Get the cheap shit. Some Lambrini. Have a bit of that. Yeah.

[Tom]

The swilling is in the face.

[Podcast Guest]

Yes. Swelling with the drink.

[Tom]

Can you get in trouble for chucking a drink?

[Podcast Guest]

Yeah, yeah. It's a piece of salt. Oh, yeah, yeah. Something to know.

[Tom]

There we go. Oh, my God.

[Podcast Guest]

Whoa.

[Tom]

Swilling. It's a whole new. Whole new thing and so. But that was two years ago.

[Podcast Guest]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tom]

You're not a fan generally.

[Podcast Guest]

No, no, no. They don't do nothing for the community or the people do. People's homes are getting broken into. If your home gets broken into, just give your crime reference number. They're not interested. They're not interested no more because they haven't got the. The funds to be fair, to put the time and effort into other things, I suppose.

[Tom]

Yeah.

[Podcast Guest]

Yeah.

[Tom]

Have you got any questions you'd like to ask yourself?

[Podcast Guest]

Ask myself?

[Tom]

You know, maybe you had something in your mind you want to talk about. Maybe you're thinking about something I maybe didn't ask you. Oh, so we don't miss something, you know.

[Podcast Guest]

Ah.

[Tom]

Do you know what I mean? Anything you feel like we did, we haven't covered.

[Podcast Guest]

So what I would say is, even though all the trials and tribulations I've gone through and all that horrible nastiness was all meant for a reason and it's made me a better person. Going through it made me stronger minded and more cared and a loving person. So that's made me get rid of all the people that should not be around my side.

[Tom]

What would you like to happen at your funeral? That doesn't normally happen at funerals.

[Podcast Guest]

I like them to play. General Levy. Wicked Jungle is massive.

[Tom]

Straight in.

[Podcast Guest]

Straight in. Have a party scan called Go Wild. And Kaliru Rock as well. I love Kalidoroch. She's just. Yeah, party. Yeah.

[Tom]

Anything weird do you want to happen?

[Podcast Guest]

Anything weird? Oh, it depends what you see as weird. I'd like to leave this country and live somewhere else. Just go and see what the world's got to offer rather than just here and now. Where we are on this bench.

[Tom]

Take the bench with us.

[Podcast Guest]

Take it with us. Yeah. Let's put on our back. Come on, lads.

[Tom]

On the plane, me and you on the road, you know, just with the bench.

[Podcast Guest]

Just going around like that. Went off. Come and take a seat. Love you. Oh, Tom, it's been great.

[Tom]

It's been fun, isn't it?

[Podcast Guest]

It has me.

[Tom]

I just don't think if there's anything else I should ask before I go.

[Podcast Guest]

Anything you want, Tom. What about you, Tom?

[Tom]

Oh, we don't know, Tom.

[Podcast Guest]

That's got to be. No. You've got one daughter, two daughters. How old are your daughters?

[Tom]

Nine and eleven.

[Podcast Guest]

Nine, eleven. Great stuff.

[Tom]

Is that a good age?

[Podcast Guest]

Yeah.

[Tom]

Do you think it gets better?

[Podcast Guest]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely.

[Tom]

Does it get any point? Does it get worse?

[Podcast Guest]

No.

[Tom]

What is your favorite age of being?

[Podcast Guest]

Oh, when the toddlers. Yeah, when the toddlers.

[Tom]

I agree.

[Podcast Guest]

It.

[Tom]

It's probably the best, isn't it? It's funny how you kind of. At the time, everyone says that's the worst.

[Podcast Guest]

Oh, no, I loved it.

[Tom]

But actually it's probably the best.

[Podcast Guest]

No, I loved it because they're just there.

[Tom]

It's all action.

[Podcast Guest]

Yeah. Like you could have a shit day in work and then as soon as you come home, the only year is daddy, daddy, Daddy. All that stresses in life just melts away.

[Tom]

Maybe you need to have another baby.

[Podcast Guest]

Fuck off, Tom. Fucking fuck off, Tom. Diana. Jinx says wishing and wishing upon us don't manifest it. Whatever you do, don't be manifesting for us. Tom. Pack it in, will you?

[Tom]

Can you manifest for other people? Is that a thing?

[Podcast Guest]

Oh, yeah, you can do. Yeah. Is that loud? Yeah. Yeah. So I did like I could show you. Sorry. So let's see. Where's the first one? So you do this thing, what you realize. You write it down. So we wake up in the morning and you put 10 things I'm grateful for.

[Tom]

Okay.

[Podcast Guest]

So for myself every morning. Yeah. Every morning.

[Tom]

Can you say what you put this morning?

[Podcast Guest]

Well, that's what I'm gonna read out to you.

[Tom]

Here we go.

[Podcast Guest]

Yeah, yeah. So I put. I'm grateful that I now understand myself more. I'm grateful that I no longer think like I used to. I'm grateful that even though I might not be able to see where I'm going or what lies ahead, I have faith that everything I desire is meant for me and will come to me. I'm grateful that I am loved. I'm grateful that I'm seen. I'm grateful that I have somebody who understands me as best as they can do. Lol. Because I'm writing to myself because best as he can do. And then I thought, I'm grateful that my health is improving and is going to continue to improve. I put like it. I am grateful I have finally found peace. I'm grateful that I am blessed with understanding. I'm grateful I see people for who they are. Then you put a send love and stuff to people. So I forgot to send love to. What's on here? Don't know. Hope she's well. I said love to bear. Hope he gains what he wants out of life. I said love to Joanne. Hope all she desired in her life comes through fruition.

[Tom]

You're doing quite a lot for other people there.

[Podcast Guest]

Yeah, that's what you can do.

[Tom]

Do they know that you're. Do they know that you're doing this? You ever send to them?

[Podcast Guest]

No. Dude.

[Tom]

What happens if they phone you up and they said, things are going amazing in my life? Would you say. Would you say I did that?

[Podcast Guest]

No, no, no, no, no, no. I'll just be made up for them. It's just. It put a good intention out into the world. What we can't hear can it. Because self used to see a lot of negative. Everything was negative in the world, but you changed from negative to a positive. And then like I say, it's why I'm out now on my bike, enjoying the sun, enjoying the nature. And look at all these beautiful trees and plants and all these amazing human beings around us. One more coming months. Wow.

[Tom]

Well, I've really enjoyed talking to you.

[Podcast Guest]

You too. Thanks.

[Tom]

It's been a journey.

[Podcast Guest]

This really has.

[Tom]

It has, isn't it?

[Podcast Guest]

Yeah.

[Tom]

There's a. What was the last. The last question of these.

[Podcast Guest]

Cool.

[Tom]

The last question you're gonna get is what are you gonna do next?

[Podcast Guest]

Fly like Icarus and not get bands. So is it.

[Singer]

I've got a list as long as denial of things that I'M grateful for I've got more blessings than troubles I feel more pleasure than pain and I'm gonna need more space in the sky for all all of my lucky stars I dream more nights than I worry I wake up every day Counting my reasons to smile Counting my reasons.

[Podcast Guest]

To.

[Singer]

Be alive Whenever I'm feeling tired alive I count all my reasons to smile I've got a roof right over my head and all of the sweet sunshine I've got this kettle here boiling and these two eggs to fry Then I've got an hour and nothing to do I think I might walk outside it's such a beautiful morning I'd like to start it by Counting my reading to smile Counting my reasons to be alive Whenever I'm feeling tired alive I count Omari Reason to smile it's such a beautiful morning I'd like to start and counting my reason to smile Counting my.

[Podcast Guest]

Reason.

[Singer]

To be alive Whenever I feel tired alive I count all my reasons to smile.