EPISODE 6: Love, Death, and Parisians

Summary

Episode 6: Love, Death, and Parisians – A Deep Dive with Tom Rosenthal

In the sixth installment of "Strangers on a Bench," host Tom Rosenthal engages in a profound and intimate conversation with a fellow London park bench-dweller. This episode delves into themes of personal freedom, cultural perceptions, loss, spirituality, and future aspirations, offering listeners a rich and engaging narrative that resonates on multiple levels.

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1. Embracing Freedom and New Beginnings

The podcast opens with Tom approaching a stranger on a bench, inviting him to participate in the conversation. The guest expresses a preference for Wednesdays, viewing it as a midpoint that bridges the intensity of the week's start with the relaxation of the latter days.

• Guest: "[00:48] Yeah, I like the Wednesdays. It's the middle of the week and when the Wednesday starts, it's like the end of the week starting..."

Having recently quit his job, the guest shares his excitement about the newfound freedom and the opportunities it presents.

• Guest: "[01:35]...I'm not going to look for a job. I'm going to just enjoy and do the stuff I would like to do."

He reflects on the liberating sensation of leaving his previous employment.

• Guest: "[02:06] I felt really free, actually. It was a great, great sensation and wonderful."

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2. Memorable Moments and the Perception of Time

The conversation transitions to a memorable party experience in Paris, highlighting the fluidity of time during such events.

• Guest: "[02:52]...you don't see the times floating and you're watching the watch and you're like, okay, it's four in the morning..."

This anecdote underscores the intimacy and connection fostered through spontaneous conversations about music and movies.

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3. Cultural Perspectives: Paris vs. London

A significant portion of the discussion centers around the cultural dynamics of Paris and London. The guest offers a candid comparison, expressing a preference for London's grunge and grand style over what he perceives as the arrogance prevalent in Paris.

• Guest: "[04:03]...Paris is a good place to be invisible. It's not like when you're in...you are just like another ant."

He contrasts this with his experiences in London, appreciating the city's diversity and vibrancy.

• Host: "[18:35] Paris is cool. But I realize how arrogant Parisians are."

This section provides listeners with a nuanced understanding of the socio-cultural environments in both cities.

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4. Personal Loss and Family Ties

The episode takes a poignant turn as the guest shares the recent passing of his grandfather, delving into the emotional impact and the heritage carried through his family.

• Guest: "[08:24]...I lost my grandfather like a week ago."

He recounts the intensity of saying goodbye, the family dynamics, and his heritage from Algeria.

• Guest: "[13:33]...it was an intense moment...crying together."

This segment adds a deeply personal and emotional layer to the conversation, highlighting themes of loss, family, and cultural identity.

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5. Spirituality and Personal Growth

Delving deeper, the guest discusses his spiritual journey, influenced by a movie and subsequent reading of the Quran. This revelation marks a turning point in his life, leading him to embrace honesty and peace.

• Guest: "[23:20] Watching this movie made me begin to think about all of this."

He explains how these experiences have compelled him to live more truthfully and authentically.

• Guest: "[25:38] I started to say the truth all the time because I realized that I was lying a lot."

This transformation underscores the importance of self-awareness and personal integrity.

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6. Future Aspirations and Artistic Pursuits

Towards the end of the episode, the guest articulates his aspirations to pursue a more artistic and creative life, moving away from the security of a traditional job.

• Guest: "[27:13]...live a life more artistically and stop going to a secure job and working my hours and having my salary."

He expresses a desire to engage in writing, video making, and music production, illustrating his commitment to following his passions.

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Conclusion

Episode 6: Love, Death, and Parisians offers listeners a deeply introspective and thought-provoking conversation. Through candid exchanges, the guest shares his journey of self-discovery, cultural observations, and personal loss, all while aspiring toward a more authentic and creative life. Tom Rosenthal masterfully navigates through these complex themes, providing a narrative that is both engaging and relatable.

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Notable Quotes

• Guest: "[00:48] Yeah, I like the Wednesdays... it's the middle of the week."

• Guest: "[01:35] I'm not going to look for a job. I'm going to just enjoy and do the stuff I would like to do."

• Guest: "[02:06] I felt really free, actually."

• Guest: "[04:03] Paris is a good place to be invisible... you are just like another ant."

• Guest: "[08:24] I lost my grandfather like a week ago."

• Guest: "[23:20] Watching this movie made me begin to think about all of this."

• Guest: "[25:38] I started to say the truth all the time... I feel better with myself now."

• Guest: "[27:13]...live a life more artistically and stop going to a secure job..."

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This episode serves as a compelling exploration of the human experience, weaving together themes of freedom, culture, loss, and personal growth, making it a must-listen for anyone intrigued by the intricacies of everyday lives.

Transcript

[Host]

Hello. Sorry to bother you. Can I ask you a slightly odd question? I'm making a podcast called Strangers on a Bench where essentially I talk to people I don't know on benches for 10 or 15 minutes. Are you up for that? Do you want to give it a go? Is there a day of the week that you favor?

[Guest]

Yeah, I like the Wednesdays.

[Host]

Wednesdays?

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Host]

Why?

[Guest]

It's the middle of the week and when the Wednesday starts, it's like the end of the week starting and it's the moment when you can hang out and go out with friends and stuff. Mondays and Tuesdays are like the days when you have to do your stuffs, like serious stuffs. And then after Wednesday it's chilling.

[Host]

I love that mentality. That's great. Although today is a Monday and you're doing what looks like at least quite relaxing thing in a relaxing place.

[Guest]

Yeah, well, I'm in holidays so it doesn't really count. It's always Wednesday.

[Host]

It's always Wednesday on holiday.

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Host]

What is exciting you at the moment about your life?

[Guest]

I quit my job a couple of months ago and now I'm kind of excited by the opening of opportunities.

[Host]

Yes. Perfect.

[Guest]

Yeah. So now every time when I wake up I'm like, okay, what I'm gonna do today, I'm not going to look for a job. I'm going to just enjoy and do the stuff I would like to do.

[Host]

Can you tell me about the moment you decided to quit your job?

[Guest]

I felt really free, actually. It was a great, great sensation and wonderful. I wish everyone could taste that one day.

[Host]

What did you do with that? You know, you felt that sensation of being truly free. What did your body and your mind want to do?

[Guest]

Well, first to party and then I wanted to go back to the music. I play a bit of guitar and mix a bit.

[Host]

What? Mixing songs? Mixing music?

[Guest]

Yeah, mixing music like for rap songs and stuff like that.

[Host]

Amazing. You mentioned parties. Can you take me back to a really special party moment?

[Guest]

It was an open air music in Paris. It was in, in front of the water and it started just like, okay, I'm just here for a couple of drinks and at 10 I will be at home. And there were this moment where a lot of people I don't know came and we started a conversation about music and movies and you know the moment when you don't see the times floating and you're watching the watch and you're like, okay, it's four in the morning and yeah, it's this moment when you just don't Prepare. Yeah.

[Host]

So I love the idea of the floating time.

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Host]

Here's a good challenge for you. Imagine an alien has landed now. And they come up to you and say, what is Paris like?

[Guest]

Okay. It's hard because I don't want to be too negative.

[Host]

No, you can't. I mean, you beat. I mean, you live in Paris, so I feel like you can. You can be whatever you want.

[Guest]

It's a good place to be invisible. It's not like when you're in. I don't want to say small town because it's kind of arrogant, but in another town, which is not a capital you have, you can have this impression of being someone. In Paris or in any capital, this feeling flows away. And even if you try hard to be someone, you realize that you are not because there are so many people that you're just like another ant. And it's not that negative. Actually, I kind of like this feeling of being invisible and just going to my way and moment with myself when in my little flats, in my little world. I like these moments. It's kind of a freedom.

[Host]

Yeah. Should try this bench. Even though it's baffled. Yeah. You say. You say you have this little world for yourself. Do you have any routines or rituals that you do that you could share?

[Guest]

Okay, I have one thing that I really, really cherish is the bath.

[Host]

The bath?

[Guest]

Yeah, the bath is really like. I'm still thinking about it when I will go to my place when I leave London, I'm like, okay, first thing.

[Host]

So you're thinking about a bath? Kind of. Now as you walk the streets of London, you're thinking about your bath in Paris.

[Guest]

Yes. So it's kind of ritualized because I have my candles, I put them around the bathtub, and then I take a little towel that I. How you say when you do that?

[Host]

You fold, fold the towel. Fold.

[Guest]

Yeah, Fold. Yeah. So I fold it and I put like an ashtray and my phone for the music, and I roll the joint and then I make a tea. The tea is very important.

[Host]

Fantastic. What kind of tea?

[Guest]

It's green tea with mint in the Arabic tradition. And. Yeah. And that's my moment.

[Host]

That's beautiful. I mean, I just. That's delightful.

[Guest]

Just talking about it.

[Host]

Where is my bath?

[Musician]

Yeah.

[Guest]

Where is my bathroom?

[Host]

And so how long would you be in there? And are you just letting your thoughts float away or you just.

[Guest]

No, I think about a lot of stuff and. Yeah, it can last like an hour or two or maybe three. Depends. It's a really Zen moment.

[Host]

Yeah. Perfect. Let's imagine you're having a bath today. What is on the forefront of your mind? The moment. Like what are you, what are you concerned about at the moment?

[Guest]

Wow. A lot of stuff. I think I would like to rewind the couple of days I spent here and just re realize what happened here and how much I like this city, this culture and yeah, I really like England. I don't know why. Since I'm little, I'm really fond of this country.

[Host]

Really?

[Guest]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Host]

Do you know what started it?

[Guest]

Well, I'm sure it's Harry Potter.

[Host]

Harry Potter?

[Guest]

Yeah. It's like the first book I read in my life. Well, it's not only Harry Potter. I mean, the first time I came here, it was like 15 years ago. And when came here with my parents and I was more into like jnst the Windsor family and stuff like that, so I was more about romantic and well, London is not the most romantic place, but look at the big park you have. It's amazing. I spend a lot of time here actually. Yeah, I should be visiting the monuments and I'm like, no, I think it's a good choice.

[Host]

Good choice. You mentioned your parents taking you here. How do you get on with your parents?

[Guest]

Oh, it's really good.

[Host]

What have they done?

[Guest]

Well, they've always been very protective. And when I was a teenager and smaller, I didn't like that. I was like, I felt oppressed. But when I went to live alone by myself, I realized how much they did for me, how much they did to protect me. They are not here forever, so I want to enjoy the time I have with them. And yeah, I lost my grandfather like a week ago.

[Host]

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.

[Guest]

Seeing your father, losing his own father, you're like, okay, it's gonna really happen. And I don't know how I will react. Yeah, I just don't want to think about this happened to my father.

[Host]

Of course. So your grandfather died a week ago. When you think about him now, what are your abiding emotions? What rises?

[Guest]

I'm pride. Proud. Yeah.

[Host]

Wonderful.

[Guest]

Yeah, I'm very proud of my grandfather. You know, he came from Algeria, he was very, very, very, very poor. And he went in France to work and he, he worked hard all his life and he had to fight the racism and stuff. It was in France in the 60s and he got a lot of children and he had to cultivate himself the food. He had chickens, he had his own chickens, he had his own vegetables and stuff. And after that, well, I known him all my Life sick, like, for 30 years because of the hard work he did before. And so, yeah, when I think about him now, I'm like, wow, he's been fighting all his life. And now I'm like, yeah, I want to be a fighter like him. And, yeah, he was a great man, actually.

[Host]

That's really beautiful. Sometimes when I think of my grandfather, who I'd never met actually, you know, and he wasn't. He wasn't a perfect person at all. And he had all kinds of vices and did, you know, various things that people wouldn't like necessarily. But he, you know, I know how hard he worked, how relentlessly he worked, what he did. And then you think about that and you think, you know, he did all that stuff, so in a sense, we can have more freedom, more time, so that we don't have to do exactly the same thing. And that's kind of a very powerful thought, I think. Yeah, it's a lot, isn't it?

[Guest]

Yeah, yeah, it's.

[Host]

If you had to do something to celebrate his life, what would it be?

[Guest]

To maybe to go see more the other member of the family? Because I know the family was important for him. I've been trying to put some distance with my aunts, uncles, cousins. Now I would like to honor him, maybe to be closer to my family. When I say that now and that maybe in couple of months of years, I will be like, no, actually, no, we tried. I tried. Yeah. I actually don't really know. Maybe going more to Algeria because he's been buried there. Yeah, that's a good thing. I will try to build more.

[Host]

How do you feel when you're in Algeria?

[Guest]

I feel strangely at home. I feel like a stranger. But I have family there, so they are so welcoming that you don't have the time to think what I'm doing here. It's just like, okay, oh, I'm gonna see this aunt. Okay, I'm gonna see this cousin. Okay, let's eat. Okay. Let's cook. Okay. Let's buy this. Okay. And it's one of my aunts that say that when you go to Algeria, you don't remember your own name.

[Host]

Will you go? So has there been a funeral? Will you go or has there been one? How's it worked?

[Guest]

I had the luck of being there the day he died so I could see him, but he was buried in Algeria, and I didn't went to Algeria because I was supposed to come here. And. Yeah, so it was kind of weird because when I arrived here, my grandfather was buried in Algeria. And yeah, they sent me a lot of videos and there are a lot of people. He was really known in his hometown, actually. And yeah, it was a big celebration. It looked like almost a wedding or something.

[Host]

Can I ask, Maybe it's a bit too personal, but what was the saying goodbye to your grandfather like?

[Guest]

Well, it was intense. The day after we learned that he died, we went to the hospital to see him. His body. I never saw a body before. I don't know if you have. Well, yeah, it's something. Yeah, it's really something. And we did a couple of prayers and I stayed with him. Then go out, smoke like four cigarettes and then come again, you know. But at the same time, there were a lot of people from the family that I haven't seen for long. And so we were crying together and. Yeah, I haven't cried that much in my. In my life, I think.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Guest]

So when I think about it, it was kind of beautiful because I never saw, like, my uncle cry and. Or my dad cry. Yeah, it's. Yeah, it was. It was an intense moment. Is that okay? Fairy smoke?

[Host]

Of course it is. Go for it. Okay, well, let's. Let's. Let's change the subject from death.

[Guest]

Okay. Yeah. Yeah, let's move on.

[Host]

Tell me, are you in love?

[Guest]

No, not for the moment.

[Host]

I'm free for you. In the experiences you've had so far, what does being in love feel like?

[Guest]

I would sound a bit cheesy, but it's like being in a spell.

[Host]

Being where?

[Guest]

A spell. A spell, Yeah. I mean, when it happens to you, it's cool. But when I think about it now, I'm just like, I was so stupid at this moment. Why this guy? Why him? I don't know if you know what I. What I mean. Yeah, you know, it's like you. A change of perspective. It's kind of weird being in love. It's cool, but it's weird. I'm just like. It's always surprising. I'm supposed to know what's happening to me, but I don't know.

[Host]

Yeah. I'll never be fooled again.

[Guest]

Exactly. Shit. What happens with you? Because I'm kind of curious how it works for other people.

[Host]

Because when you know you're in love, you mean.

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Host]

My thoughts about what love is and was has changed over time. And I think I saw the truest form of love as something that is maybe beyond that moment of the chemical crash. Like something where actually you can see it more clearly. And there's a kind of. What's the word? There's there's like a simplicity of the thought. There's a. Almost like a sense of peace. It's a funny thought, but I think in an odd way, like, you know, everything in culture about love is wild and it's tempestuous and it's exciting and it's dramatic because, you know, like, no one wants to watch a film which is just really boring.

[Guest]

Of course.

[Host]

People like stuff that goes wrong, plot twists. Of course.

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Host]

Other lovers, you know. So for me, at least in terms of romantic love, the point where I thought, oh, wow, this can actually be beautifully simple. Yeah. As soon as I saw that, I was like, oh, yeah. This kind of feels like a whole new feeling to me.

[Guest]

It looks nice.

[Host]

So that's maybe where I am, where I got to eventually.

[Guest]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Host]

I mean, also, the excitements are amazing too.

[Guest]

No, I. I think I. I confused, like, falling in love with the passion. Like, what I was describing was more passion. And that's more love, what you said, because I like the excitement and brilliantly.

[Host]

But I mean, that's. But passion is also brilliant. Do you think you'll find. I mean, maybe this is very generalization, but can you compare what you think of a kind of London, a potential London lover compared to Parisian, like, who you like? You know what, what's different?

[Guest]

Well.

[Host]

Is there any difference in your mind and, like, what does that mean?

[Guest]

No. I've been thinking about this a lot. Paris is more fancy than London. And that's why I like London better. Because. Yeah. I like this grunge, grand style of London. I don't know if it's okay to say that.

[Host]

No, no, perfect.

[Guest]

I like it. Paris is cool. But I realize how arrogant Parisians are. We are so arrogant. That's crazy. And people I so polite here. I don't know. When I cross the look of another cute guy on the street, the guy smiled at me and I'm like, oh, wow. But in Paris, you never have that. Yeah. He will look away, like, rapidly. But, yeah. I wouldn't have a smile from a stranger on the street. And I had that, like, a couple of times. And I was like, okay.

[Host]

I'm glad to hear. I'm glad to hear you. Oh, good. Well done, the London, London people. So you mentioned the arrogance in your opinion of Parisian men or all Parisians or men.

[Guest]

No, no, girls, girls, everybody. Yeah.

[Host]

Okay.

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Host]

Now, like, how has that happened? Why?

[Guest]

Well, I think it's like an armor. And. And I realized that sometimes I am arrogant too.

[Host]

Yeah.

[Guest]

It's because there is always this contest of the one who will know the most about this author, this filmmaker and stuff. You have to see everything all the time to know everything. And to be at this party, to have met this, to have seen this show. And. And so you have to be arrogant to prove that you are not lame or something. And yeah, I think it's an armor. And everyone build this kind of armor at the moment. And yeah, it's a protection. Protection from this crazy life you get in Paris.

[Host]

If it was your life's work to break that armor, how would you do it? And would you want to? I mean, is that part of Parisian identity?

[Guest]

No. Yeah, actually, I'm trying. I'm trying to. Every time I'm. I'm in a party or something like that, I'm always trying to do like lame jokes. I don't know how to say that.

[Host]

When you're trying to like push people's buttons, you push them.

[Guest]

Yes, exactly. Yeah. And we try to show them that it's okay to be ridiculous. It's okay to not knowing about this or this. Yeah. Actually, it's kind of my little battle to push people around. Yeah.

[Host]

Yeah, I totally approve.

[Guest]

Thank you.

[Host]

I'll ask you three more. Three more questions.

[Guest]

And then can I ask you just one question? Yeah. Because I was talking a lot about the life in Paris and I'm kind of curious about the life in London. It's kind of expensive, no?

[Host]

Oh, yeah, it's expensive. Yeah, it is expensive. But in terms of. That's kind of further down my thinking in terms of the place. I mean, you know, I've been very lucky with my work and music to go all around Europe and to see so many cities. I've not seen anywhere close that has the same melting pot of people anywhere. There's so much comes together here. There's no area of London that isn't close to a different feeling area. Do you see what I mean?

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Host]

I only have to, you know, go two streets away to find a different environment, a different feeling. Every corner.

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Host]

Is something fresh and different. But yes, it is expensive. But yeah, as soon as you're here for a bit, you've find people and things open up the longer you're around, you know.

[Guest]

Yeah, yeah, it's more doable. I'm talking about that because Paris is also very expensive. And when I arrived here and I was like, okay, it's like Paris, but I'm like, no, it's more expensive than Paris. What the fuck? But like you said. Yeah, you always manage, you adapt and.

[Host]

You find a way. Yeah, well, I think, yeah, you would be if you moved to London, you'd be fine. I think you fit in well.

[Guest]

Yeah, don't tempt me.

[Host]

This is a funny question, but I kind of like to ask it sometimes because it always gets a bit of a different response. Is there any question that you would like to ask yourself and answer it?

[Guest]

Wow, that's deep. Well, okay, let's go deep then.

[Host]

Let's go for it. I'm ready.

[Guest]

Okay. Do you believe in God? Yeah. I think that's the question that people are kind of afraid to ask nowadays, that I kind of miss talking about spiritual and stuff and God, which became kind of important to me. I haven't been a true believer, like all my life. It's kind of something that came to me and I want to talk about it, but I'm always like, no, I can't.

[Host]

And can you tell me about the moment you said you had a moment when suddenly something kind of came to you a bit more strongly? Can you talk about that moment at all? Was it in the bath?

[Guest]

No, it wasn't in the bath. It was before the bathroom. Do you know the movie this is the End with James Franco and Seth Rogen?

[Host]

I've heard of it, but. Tell me about it.

[Guest]

It's a Seth Rogen movie, so it's.

[Host]

It's a bit silly.

[Guest]

Yeah, it's totally silly. And it's the end of the world. It's like the apocalypse and all the good people are going up and, well, the group of James Franco stay on earth with demons attacking us. And it's a really funny movie. And I don't know why, but when I watched this movie, I was like, okay, maybe. Okay, maybe, maybe it's right. Maybe it's real, actually. And yeah, it's crazy because watching this movie made me begin to think about all of this. And then I started read the Quran and. And then it was like, okay, yeah, it's kind of real and I'm okay to believe in that. And it's not what people expect. It's not what media tells us. It's just that if you do your own research, if you read and you realize that the only goal you have to do in the world is doing good stuff. And I'm kind of okay with that.

[Host]

So how have you been after that? How has your life been different?

[Guest]

Well, I think it's been a lot of little stuff. I started to say the truth all the time because I realized that I was lying a lot. And also keeping your engagements, you know, If I say to someone that I will be there, I will be there. Before, I didn't really keep my engagement. I was like, last minute. Oh, no, I don't want to. And, yeah, it's kind of. I feel more peaceful now, now that I'm doing all those little stuff. And it's not like people say, I receive the light and now I'm in illumination. No, it's more like I'm trying to do stuff correctly. And I feel better with myself now. Right now. Now. Yeah.

[Host]

That sounds like a very, very great thing.

[Guest]

Thank you.

[Host]

I'll ask you. I'll go. I'll do the final question. I don't want to keep you forever.

[Guest]

I like to talk about myself like that, actually. That's kind of forever.

[Host]

This question can be answered, like, in a big way or a very kind of small way, or both, whichever way you want. The question is, what are you going to do next?

[Guest]

Yeah, I see what you mean. I can say I'm going to see the Tower of London or.

[Host]

The Tower of Life.

[Guest]

Oh, yeah. I hope that I will manage to do what I truly want to do. Living a life more artistically and stop going to a secure job and working my hours and having my salary. I would like to write. I would love to make videos. I. I would like to make music. And I know it sounds like a dreamy, but I hope that I will manage to do that later. Next, like you say.

[Host]

Thank you so much for talking to me.

[Guest]

Thank you. It was really nice. Really.

[Musician]

You don't scare me. You never ever walk freely. I don't need to be held out myself I choose to believe not all I feel can I see but now I don't need to be held I hold my sh. I try for the truth I do what I can I try my best Should I need to be held by someone else? Should I need to be held by someone else?